Exactly How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

2,741 thoughts on “How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back”

Maggie

September 14, 2015 at 12:52 pm

Hey Chris,

I followed your texting instructions and at first it went very well. He was responding immediately and the text ratio was always in my favor. I kept the conversations short and felt like progress was going quickly. But one night he started a conversation then he stopped answering. I waited a day and texted him. For the first time since the breakup, nothing. Then, I asked a mutual friend if she had talked to him and she said yes. I tried him once more the next day and still got nothing. What changed? Why am I suddenly being ignored? How should I respond?
Melissa

September 9, 2015 at 7:06 pm

Chris,

What if your ex-boyfriend never reaches out to you during a 30-day no contact period? Should you even bother texting him?

Thanks!

Chris Seiter

October 2, 2015 at 5:05 pm

Yes you should.

Some men are just super stubborn.

Sjain

September 8, 2015 at 1:49 pm

Hi Chris, my situation is so complicated.. We were together 5 years, he 26, im 23. I met him at a rough time during my ex ex break up. So he caught me at a timing where I was immature and heart broken but i still really liked him. Over time I struggled though with being a good girlfriend. I lied to him abotu stupid things such as guy friends andw hat not. My actions made no sense, I did so much for him and he knew that i loved him but than I always screwed up because I was so immature. Particularly one guy best friend of mine who fell in love with me and I had a hard time letting go of him because he was so close to me. We were on and off friends 3-4 times in my relationship and i ended up lying that we werent friends and he always caught me. This time it happened last week when my boyfriend has been distant from me due ot be being busy all summer. I told him a while back i need more from him but he i guess didnt understand how serious it was. My guy best friend crept back into my life and said all the right things i wanted to hear.. except wrong guy. I lied to him YET AGAIN about it and now he said he knows im never goign to change and grow up. He said he can’t trust a word coming out of my mouth and can’t see himself marrying me or being in a relationship with me anymore. He said 4 days after we broke up that things are too fresh right now and he doesn’t wanna work it out. I told him im finally for once and for all cutting out this guy friend and anyone associated to him but he said “my guy bestfriend has won and now we can be together” THAT IS NOT TRUE THOUGH! I have no romantic feelings. He said to tell people, we broke up and we don’t know whats going to happen. If i change, he said he’ll know about it.. So what does this mean? Like he said he doesnt follow me on anything anymore, I deactivated my facebook so he doesn’t have to know where I am or what i am doing. Also so i dont have to see his stuff anymore. And that he’ll leave our fate in destinys hand. I know he is not wrong in any of this because I betrayed his trust so much. He said he knows I love him. and the feelings are there. But We broke up the moment he saw my convo with this friend on August 28-29, we officially spoke about it again on september 3 and thats when he said the whole destiny stuff. An hour later, he texted me after we ended things just to find out what i told my parents because he said his head is all over the place because last time we broke up, he didnt tell anyone anything because of the reason if we get back, he doesnt’ want his friends to judge me and this time I don’t know why he cares what I told my parents..Is it because he wants confirmation he is in the right? or because me telling them makes them know how rough our relationship was and they may never want him to be with me again? The next day he drunk called me at 3 am, I didnt pick up or called back. He cal;ed my cousin the same night and she spoke to him on September 6. He basically told her, 5 years of his life have been lost, he’s hurting and doesn’t want to speak to me right now. He doesn’t understand how someone that loves him like i do, would constantly pick another guy over him. He told her he doesn’t know what he wants right now and he feels bad for me to wait for him to figure it out. He said hes still going go out and talk to new people and if i wanna date other people I can.. Now how serious can be about this? He is well aware I am not going move on. My cousin even told him I’m going to change and use this time to be better for myself. He said he’s not ready to talk to me yet about whether we are moving on for good or not but he will when he is ready. hes been so patient for me all these years, constantly forgiving me but I never brought his trust back. I always betrayed him. I had no feelings for this guy friend but he was the one person below my bf that tried to care for me. I was naive and stupid. He was so genuine and he was part of my family. He was the most realest guy I have ever met and never did anything to betray my trust or make me question his loyalty. His time was the only thing I wasn’t getting because hes in med school & his trust concern with me was always on the line. I proved him right so many times that I am not capable of being better.. What can I do? Im not going to text him for sure from the Sept 3 to the next 30 days. I want him to know I am actively trying to grow up and focus on being better but how will he know? Was deactiving my FB the right thing to do? I deleted all his pictures from my social media.. His were still there. I was the one who took off the relationship status. As of a week after, his was still there. What is going on here Chris, Help me 🙁

Viv

September 28, 2015 at 2:23 am

Your situation is so similar to mine! I really hope Chris will respond…

I.

September 8, 2015 at 7:13 am

Hee Chris,
I was in a relationship for two years. He broke up with me, said he still loves me a lot, but can’t handle a relationship right now ( he was very busy with work, exhausted).
I did NC for 28 days, He texted 25 days in NC, if I was oke, and that he was thinking of me. I responded happy/friendly, he texted again, than I and then he stopped.
We already called once, a very happy conversation he told that we should keep in touch, he would like that. Then he went to India for his work.
And I texted him one and a half week later, good old times and how India was. He responded very happy but he didn’t ask a question, but keeps ending his text with an X (I don’t). So I texted something friendly back without a question. It seems he doesn’t initiate, do I still have a chance? Should I call him once he gets back, or should I go silent again?

I.

September 16, 2015 at 2:56 pm

Well I texted him after 14 days (5 days ago), but he hasn’t responded. I’m at a loss right now, should I go into NC again? Or should I ask if everything’s okay, or?? I love your program and site! I already worked hard on myself losing wait, analyzing and working on my own behaviour and looking good, I hope I get the chance to shoew him.

HA

September 7, 2015 at 9:41 am

Hey Chris,
I’m quite new to this and I need some sort of guidance.
So, basically, my boyfriend had left me after two-month relationship with a cliche ,,its not you its me” (had a lot of personal problems, said he likes me BUT etc). I had openly asked him if he wants someone other and he said no, he just wants some time to pass but it was quite hurtful to hear him say ,, I know you’re not for me”. Afterwards I texted him just for my own good, and it was something like ,,Hope you will solve your problems and find what you wish for”. He thanked me, told me that we’ll see each other in town and that he’s lucky for having me in his life.
I will agree with you that this wasn’t some sort of grand relationship but I’ve actually fallen for this guy, so I’m quite torn about how to deal with all this stuff. Hope you can give me some advice, thanks! 🙂
lucy

September 6, 2015 at 3:51 pm

Hi Chris,
Ive been in a relationship since almost a year and the last couple of months we’ve both been fighting a lot…suddenly after one fight he said it was over and i tried a lot but he wouldn’t change his mind. we have been through a lot and i got pregnant with him 3 times but he still dent care anymore and broke up. i get he is tired of it but why can’t we work on it. anyway a month after the breakup my friend tried to talk to him and he got very angry by me involving my friend so directly so he blocked me on Facebook and told me to not contact him ever again which i think is very immature. i love him and want to get back together but don’t know what to do after everything has turned so bad. should i contact him after 2 month? because even 3 weeks after the breakup he is still very angry and upset.
Rita

September 6, 2015 at 7:40 am

Chris,

I have purchased both your books. Did NC, did first contact, which was successful. We had a pleasant text conversation. I texted him again 3 days later and received a response after 12 hours. I responded 12 hours later, I still have not heard back from him after 24 hours. I’m stuck, not sure what to do, or if it’s a lost cause.

Rita

September 6, 2015 at 7:42 am

Also we have been broken up 4 months and were in constant contact the first three months after breakup until I did NC after a huge fight we got into

Jennifer

September 6, 2015 at 6:16 am

Hi Chris,

I’ve used no contact on my ex for over 21 days. I made the first move initiating text contact the other day. I got a neutral response so I ended the conversation saying I had to run. At this point my ex turned flirty. I made a few jokes and ended the conversation again even though I could tell he was getting into the flirty texts. Did I do the right thing ending the conversation when my ex was starting to get turned on and interested? He even responded to my goodbye that it was a shame. We’ve always had a very passionate relationship and strong sexual desire for each other, him for me especially so I know that as I continue to follow your steps for contact when I’m texting him he will most likely respond with flirty and sexual texts. In that case what approach should I take to texting him and continuing to try to follow your guide to slowly stepping up communications? Please help!
Deez

September 4, 2015 at 12:24 pm

Hi Chris,

First off I really appreciate that your site is so informative and that you reply to comments.
Been trying to get my ex back. After 30 days NC, he texted me first (yey!) Asking how I was etc, then he got kind of flirty but inappropriately. I told him nicely at first to stop since I don’t think it’s right for our situation now but he’s still pushing it. In the end I got annoyed and blurted out that I hate that he’s being selfish. He immediately said sorry but I did not reply after.

I want him to chase me but not for the wrong reasons. I don’t want to be in friends or ex with benefits state. How do you I should have handled the scenario? Could have I reacted other way like playing it cool? He did not contact me after. What are other things I could do? Hope to hear your insights, thanks
Simran

September 2, 2015 at 3:37 am

Chris
I broke up with him last week.He cheated on me but still im not sure but my gut feelings tells me that he is cheating on me.We were in a long distance relationship frm 3yrs and now he is totally changed.He really loved me and i know that.Before all this negative stuff everything was good but we had a lil fight and after that he disappeared for 15 days at that time i thought he is angry with me but i noticed a sudden change in his behaviour.He neva told me he love me after those 15 days,he started ignoring me,he used to be busy ol the tym with someone else on whtspp and ignored my messages whenever i asked him to meet me i got excuses in return.So by now i have a strong feeling that he is cheating on me and he is with someone better than me.I have a question..can i really get him back even when he has started loving her new girlfriend too much and don’t even thinks about me.Im in my NC period(1week alrdy) and i think he will neva come back.He was neva like that..i miss him so bad…plz help me ?
How can he forget somone he really loved.
Emily

September 1, 2015 at 11:45 am

Hi Chris
My situation is pretty much confusing. I was in the relationship with my best friend from Uni for almost 6 months. However he’s not from my country and went home for the whole summer. For 3 weeks in July we’re still great but suddenly he told me that i’m taking all his time and he needs more space to become a man,not a boy. I got scared ,but still I went to see him in August and spent two weeks at his place with his family. We had a few ‘talks’ but he seemed totally different ,than before and he was telling me directly; that i can’t expect what we had before, because it’s not going to be the same, that he misses my friendship but he still loves me very much. Also we had a great time together and he he admit that he doesn’t want us to be apart or break up. Afterwards i went home and we talked on skype but only once. Since i got back he became even more distant and started accusing me of pushing him too hard etc. Then he told me that we’ll talk when he gets back (in one month) but till then he wants to be left alone. I already started NC and i’m in since a week now. What’s your opinion? What can he tell me after this month? Should i wait for his return or just move on?

Emily

September 7, 2015 at 8:15 am

Chris, do you think it’s working (the NC rule) when he sent me a harmful snapchat yesterday? I’m in the NC since 25 th of August and he hadn’t contacted me till yesterdays snapchat. I didn’t mean anything, it was his cat. However, it’s possible to choose friends you’re sending a snapchat to. There’s no option: “send to all of my friends”

Greetings and thanks for all your advice!
Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:26 am

I think you should move on without moving on.

In other words, lets start this NC period with the intention of getting him back but reasses how you feel after 30 days.

Cmb

August 25, 2015 at 9:15 pm

I broke up with my boyfriend because he spent the whole summer doing guys weekends and events with his friends and didn’t include me in any of it. When I started to have the conversation, he turned it on me and said he was going to break up with me. By the end we were in a fight. Mostly me yelling about how he gave me nothing and how he didn’t try. He told me I was terrific but he didn’t know how to explain that he was not romantically there. Whatever that means. I miss him dearly. He hasn’t reached out to me. I haven’t reached out to him. I feel as though I never meant anything to him. So I guess I am involved in the nc part of your plan but could it be I never meant anything to him after 9 months? I don’t like how we left things. I feel like I said some mean things to him. Should I apologize.

Cmb

August 25, 2015 at 11:45 pm

I am concerned because on your site it seems to be the norm for the guy to reach out during the nc phase and he hasn’t.
Chris Seiter

September 1, 2015 at 9:02 pm

It’s no problem if he doesn’t reach out. That doesn’t always happen, NC if done right is effective either way.

Kate

August 25, 2015 at 4:40 pm

Chris,
So i broke up with him on the 1st of august and im doing like you said, im in the NC step. It has been 26 days that i haven’t texted him back. During this period almost everyday he keep texting me asking for the reason im not responding to him but yesterday he texted me all the sunden that he doesnt want to get back with me and that i should forget about him because he thinks that our love cant be true anymore… Actually he broke up with me because he thinks that he can find a better girlfriend who can do anything next to him. So should i be worry about what he texted me yesterday or i still have a chance to make things better ? Or whats the first thing that i should say after the NC ?? I rly want him back plz help me i am DESSPERED ! ?
Ilona

August 23, 2015 at 11:18 pm

Dear Chris,
Well I looked everywhere but couldn’t find an answer yet. The situation:
He broke up with me and told me he thinks I deserve better (not a lie he meant it) He told me that he loved me a lot and that there is nobody else and he will regret this decision, but he can’t take it right now (he feels uncomfortable with his work and living situation). During NC he contacted a friend of mine how I was doing and that he missed me a lot. During no contact my ex texted me (after 23 days) that he was afraid of texting me and how I was doing. I responded three days later (just a little before the ending of nc). He responded happy to my text and I responded happy and funny at his and then…. He doesn’t respond at all..is this because of his fear of not being good enough (he liked me 5 years before we started dating, he thought I was really great but to good for him. We had a relationship for two years). I really don’t know what to do. Wait a week and send him a sweet innocent good old days message? Or start up NC again. Oh and I’m moving closer to him next week, (we used to live two hours apart and from next week only 20 min) should I tell him or not? Hope you can help me. I love your site! Keep up the good work!!
Hailey

August 22, 2015 at 3:14 pm

Chris,
I’m utterly confused when it comes to my breakup situation. Given that I am young and still have a lot of learning yet to do.. I am compelled to write to you about my first real experience and what I feel that I need is answers and help. My boyfriend broke up with me as a result of his immaturity.. after the breakup we lost communication for three months. He went and slept around and partied..and acts like it doesn’t faze him whatsoever. Yet ALL summer I couldn’t bring myself to look past everything that we had together because I thought what we had was something special..and for awhile I figured he was playing mind games and perhaps he still is like goasting.(but I’m not quite sure because he acts like I’m dead to the world) however, he communicates with my family still and I communicate with his as well.. He told my sister that he would be my friend..and maybe down the road our paths will cross again? How can you leave a relationship of a couple years like that!? I guess what I want to know is it even worth trying for if he has his mind made up about it and what I should do!?
Thank you for your time..
April

August 21, 2015 at 6:18 pm

Hello chris. My name is april and my boyfriend since a year and half broke up with me cause i kissed another guy. I know what i did was wrong and i terribly regret it. I still love him and i want him back. Please help me.

Chris Seiter

September 1, 2015 at 9:15 pm

read the post on how to get your ex back if you cheated. It will help you.

Jess

August 21, 2015 at 2:27 am

I was seeing someone for about 10 months then all of the sudden things ended i don’t know why? everything was so good! but then i asked why he said he likes someone else.. i gave him time with no contact nothing. and recently texted him a few days ago and his reply was really good! ” hey, i’m good. How are you? what’s been happening??” whenever i use to text him hey how are you his normal response is good thanks. You? i don’t know if i should read into that recent text? because i still really like him 🙁

j c

September 1, 2015 at 11:53 pm

this is my life and i too would love some answers

dan

August 16, 2015 at 1:32 am

We broke up last July, we were in a long distance relationship for 2 months,and w/in that 2 months,we were just fighting every single day, mostly because I felt like he doesn t have time for me,and there were no effort,and it was sooo wrong for me to do that coz he was in a difficult situation,we were reviewing for an exam,he was in a new place, alone and he don t know anyone.And our fights didn t help his situation, so he broke up with me. When finally had the chance to see each other again,he told me he want us to be together again butmafter a few weeks we broke up again. He said he need time and space and that everytime he sees me,it reminded him of the things he did that hurts me. At first I beg him not to leave,but later on I give him what he wants,I didn t text him,but as expected I broke the NC rule when he texted me after a week,maybe he got curious coz it was the firt time that I didn’t talk to him that long. So I felt bad and started over again,I didn’t text him, but just after a week, I found out that he’s sick, of course I’m worried, but I really didn’t want to text him but my friend said to just check on him,so I text him,but I didn’t reply after. What will I do? I really want him back, do I have to restart? We broke up last june, but I started not texting him and not meeting up with him last august 2. It’s the first time we havent talk to each other for so long
Di

August 4, 2015 at 2:51 pm

Would you please tell me, how does the one word responses from an EX such as “Wow” , “Damn!” or “Oh Yeah!” classify? How are these to be handled? Obviously they are positives, but that’s as far as it goes….
(Yes, I have followed all of your recovery steps NC, texting , etc.)
Thank you.

Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 10:19 pm

Can you tell me what you said to get those responses?

Cat

August 2, 2015 at 5:03 pm

It’s only been 5 days since my ex dumped me and i’m scared I already messed up! 🙁

He was my first love as well as my first kiss and I was his. We only dated for almost 3 months, but we honestly had the perfect relationship. We were definitely one of the most well-known couples at school, everyone always telling us how cute of a couple we made and some of my friends even fangirled over us! We texted each other every single day we we were together, not missing a single day. Even when he went camping with his family for a few days, he made his dad drive him a mile every day just so he would have service to text me. We never argued besides playfully insulting each other, and even with the one that led to our break up, we didn’t insult each other at all and I can honestly say it was more of a debate than an argument.

The “argument” was about school, since we go to different high schools now. My ex was one of the most hard-working people I know, and he is taking all honors classes and working on homework 24/7 and we weren’t seeing each other in person nearly as much. He even told me he didn’t like school, so I made the mistake of texting him one night and telling him he should balance work and having fun, like joining clubs and hanging out with his friends and girlfriend because I knew he was miserable and felt bad for him. We kept going back and forth until he ended up telling me that he put school before everything else, including me. He definitely seemed much more serious than usual, and at that point, it hit me that I messed up horribly. He texted me later that night and said that he wanted to come over and see me the next day for a few minutes after school. I thought he realized that I had a point and was coming to say hi to me, but the next day, he came over and broke up with me.

I could tell he was having a hard time dumping me. He never actually said the words “I’m breaking up with you”, he was just telling me that he needed to focus on school and it was me that asked if he was breaking up with me. I lost it and started bawling right in front of him, and he hugged me tight for a few minutes and I even noticed that his eyes were getting watery, so I could tell he felt bad for breaking up with me. Through my tears, I was apologizing and saying that I didn’t mean the things I said and he misunderstood me, which is probably the worst thing you could ever say to someone while they’re breaking up with you and I regret it horribly.

After he left my house, I texted him and said that I understood why he broke up with me. He responded and said, “Thank you for understanding.” But since I was such a heartbroken wreck, I asked him to tell me if I offended him in anyway so I wouldn’t mess up in the future. When he told me it was because I seemed like I was being controlling over his life and getting into what wasn’t my business, I ended up texting him a paragraph about how sorry I was and how I regretted everything and made excuses like, “I was on my period and I was being moody” (which was true tho), and like 3 crying emojis.

He kind of just ignored me after that, so we stopped talking to each other for 4 days, until yesterday when I just texted him “Hey” to try to initiate conversation. He just responded with “Hey” back, so I asked “How are you doing?” He responded that he was good, but he had to get ready to go to the water park with his friend, so clearly he didn’t want to talk.

I just found this and am going to take your advice with not texting him for a month (as hard as that might be since I miss him so much), but i’m terrified that I already pushed him further back away from me and there’s no getting him back. 🙁 Please help!

Chris Seiter

August 12, 2015 at 8:59 pm

Ok strict no contact for 30 days should help. Work on yourself and don’t tell him you’ve changed when you talk to him again. Show him with actions. Act like you don’t care from now on. 🙂
Cat

August 2, 2015 at 5:05 pm

Sorry this was so long! I always tell stories in great detail. xD

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2,741 thoughts on “How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back”