Exactly How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

2,741 thoughts on “How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back”

Jaime

April 24, 2015 at 4:55 am

I dated him 7 months. We had a great relationship, although he was very clear that he wanted to take things slow due to past relationships. This man was very affectionate, adoring, and flooded me with compliments. He did, however, keep me at a distance and was often hot this would put his guard up if I got too close. He did not talk about future stuff and he did not refer to me as his girlfriend. He admitted that change was very hard for him. He is 41 and has never had a long term relationship or even live with a girl. He said he wanted to be married and have a family. Chris I never pressured him, whined, nagged or anything to him. All pressure about moving our relationship forward, or “official, would be self-imposed. I finally told him gently that at the end of the day I was going to take care of myself and my desires to be in a happy healthy relationship and that I was accepting dates (I felt strung along with no official title while sleeping together, etc). I told him we could continue seeing eachother, but he just kept saying he wasn’t good enough for me, that I was so amazing, the only girl that ever “got” him, he was so smitted with me, etc. BUT he just has some gigantic commitment fear. His biggest hurdle is that I have a child and he did not know what his role would be. Anyways he said he did not want to interfere with me getting my dream family and that he was so sorry. He clung to me so tight and even asked if he could still text me how pretty, wonderful, sexy I was when he was thinking about me. I just told him “don’t do that to yourself.” He left. Twenty nine days passed and I sent him a text like you suggested. He responded IMMEDIATELY and asked how we were. The conversation was 3 texts long and he did smiley faces and appeared happy to hear from me. It’s been two days. I want him back. I am scared too….scared of being rejected I guess. How long should I wait? And BTW I am, and have always been the “ungettable girl” lol. Thanks!

Chris Seiter

April 24, 2015 at 10:56 pm

You should probably reach out to him now.

shanice

April 23, 2015 at 7:34 pm

i broke up with my boyfriend about a month in a half ago…. i quickly realized i made a mistake .. so for about a month i tried to win him back, it didn’t work but, we were slowly getting back toa place where we could talk and enjoy each others conversation again,he told me that he did want to get back together but he needed some time…. but then we had a huge fight about 1.5 weeks ago and haven’t spoken since, this is the biggest fight….i think we’ve had in our 6 months of being together, with me saying a lot of things i didn’t mean, and sending many, many text to him from an angry place… do you think the no contact rule will work on this situation, or is over for good ? and after the NC, how should i go about things?

p.s. he is very prideful and stubborn … i doubt if he will contact me first.. also were in a ldr but he will be back here in about 3 weeks
Kiki

April 23, 2015 at 1:41 am

So I dated this guy for six months. I was going through some stressful things and began smoking again. Our relationship was intense he was the first to say I love you. Well long story short he started hanging out with his ex girlfriend after she had come by his house one day and tried to make me jealous by causing drama. Well I told him it was not going to work because his loyalty was to her etc etc. the next day I tried to talk to him about it and he said he didn’t want to do it again with me because I smoked. I don’t feel like he is really not being completely honest. Well any way I took a hiatus for 6 weeks. No contact. Then I contacted him because some mail went to his house. He looked happy and excited to see me. He asked if I was still living in our city. We chatted about 5 minutes I had to go. He extended his arms for a hug. I was surprised. Well I asked him to lunch said I wanted to talk to him a week later. He agreed didn’t ask me what I wanted to talk about. We had lunch and just caught up. Then a few days later I sent him the remember the good old days kind of text which he pleasantly responded. What now? Should I even bother? I miss him so much we had no issues other than the crazy ex and my smoking. Which I quit.

Kiki

April 25, 2015 at 1:56 am

Basically a hey remember the day we went to the park and watched the sunset? Just a little trip down memory lane kind of text.
Chris Seiter

April 23, 2015 at 12:53 pm

What was the text you send (the good ole days text?)

Chanel

April 21, 2015 at 8:56 pm

Hi Chris. Loved this post! My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for more than a year, we’ve broken up a bunch of times because of our personal issues and it’s only been less than a day. I said it was the last straw and I was finished with him and he kept saying “I’m sure you are. I’m sure it is.” So I’m planning on keeping my distance and see what happens. Are the chances huge that he’ll reach out if I ignore him, he predicts I’ll text first but I’m not going to.

Chris Seiter

April 23, 2015 at 12:10 am

I think sometime this year I am going to redo this post and make it much more in-depth.

I would think that if you had done NC and reached out that more often than not he will respond.

Marie

April 19, 2015 at 7:21 am

Hi, I’m 38 and still after all these years totally confused over the dating process. I also find the NC rule difficult to appreciate how it works, I work in personnel and my rule for work is communicate, talk problems through as by burying your head in the sand will only make the problem get bigger, or forgetting that person exists.
I was on my own for six years by choice, I wanted to find who I was, make myself strong. 11 months ago I met a man, we were introduced by a friend at work, he had recently broken up from a 20 year marriage, which at first I was a little worried, five months isn’t long from a marriage break up. Anyway we instantly clicked, we liked the same things, had the same out look on life. We didn’t see too much of each other only twice a week, and we had a lovely 10 months together. Then a little out of the blue he called it quits, stating he needed space, he wasn’t sure he could give me what I wanted. It became very confusing. On relection since we have split up I can see where there was slight problems, we had concentrated over recent months on only things involving our kids, we had stopped going out just us as a couple, in fact only twice in four months. We spoke briefly about this afterwards and agreed that this was the case, and we were a little concerned that we were quitting too quickly. I do believe that the best things in life, you have to work for and do not come handed on a plate. Love is a partnership and must be worked at together as partners. The last contact we had was two and a half weeks ago, where he stated he would call to arrange for us to meet to see if we could work through this. We have had no contact since!
I worry that as time goes on, life moves on, I can’t see how this space can help, as how I feel at the minute, is that someone who truly cares or someone, would or could not shut that person out of there life, not caring if they are hurting or even been hit by a bus!
I still care for him and still want us to work through this. Please Chris change my mind that NC is the way forward, as I’m struggling to see it!
Laura

April 18, 2015 at 7:30 pm

My ex broke up with me a month ago, we basically had about a week of no contact and have spoken almost daily since, but I know there’s no chance at this point of getting him back, should I start the no contact thing now or is it too late?
P.s he said he broke up with me because he needed time to be himself, but he seemed just as devastated as me, will NC sabotage any chance I have here?
Daniela

April 17, 2015 at 1:39 am

What if he questions why I’m sending these messages to him? Because he did, i asked if it bothered him and he said no that he thought that i never wanted to talk or see him…do i still follow the plan or what? ( i finished the NO CONTACT RULE sucessfully)
Faith

April 15, 2015 at 3:11 pm

Hi, i’m 17 years old, i was with this guy for about 5 months (Would have been 9 months yesterday…) He broke up with me two days before my birthday and he ended up going out with another girl the next day, I miss him and he hasn’t left my mind since then, and i know its crazy i’m 17 why should all of this matter? Well i feel like i really loved him. I still do love him… I put more into this relatinship than i ever did and now that he is gone i’m broken.. I don’t know what to do anymore.. We talk still alot.. Him and his girlfriend recently broke up, well she cheated on him.. I want him back.. But do you think it’s too soon to be talking to him about getting back together?

Faith

April 15, 2015 at 3:11 pm

Was supposed to say the next week not day…….

christina

April 14, 2015 at 5:45 pm

hi chris,

me and my boyfriend broke up 3 weeks ago.
We were often fighting because I felt like he didn’t gave me enough attention.
we would only see eachother in the weekends, and it was always me coming to HIS place, 3 hours away.
I broke up with him and he was fine with it. He asked me if we could ‘stay friends’. after I said no, he asked me if we could be ‘friends with benefits’. I said no ofcourse.

I just realised that things were going well and I was too clingy in the beginning. I was expecting, and trying too much.
we texted last sunday, he asked me how my holiday trip was.

He started talking about our problems, and at a certain point he didn’t respond anymore.
I’m afraid he moved on, and doesnt want to have anything to do with me.
Or that he is okay with all of this.

I don’t know what to do 🙁

help please

Chris Seiter

April 16, 2015 at 4:05 pm

What makes you afraid that he has moved on?

Carla

April 14, 2015 at 9:39 am

Hi Chris,

Im brazilian,so maybe there will be few english mistakes.
Could you give me an idea ofnwhat to do when a husband doesnt reply a sms?We are in a difficult moment in our marriage,he left home for a week and is back home since 2 days ago.I sent him a text msg asking if he would like to go cinema with me friday.He didntb answer,and an hour later i sent a ” Yes?no?” and he still didnt answer.He is at work,but Im sure he didnt answer cos he decided to not do so.What i should do?What should i say when he arrive at home?Im acting tough,i try to not show him Im afraid of lose him,but I dont know what to do now.
Anyway,great website,it helps me alot.
Bisous!
Ash

April 14, 2015 at 12:13 am

Hi chris.
My ex boyfriend and broke up mutually. I kind of out the idea out there but he seemed okay with it. I miss him every day. I miss having him to hug after class and him being playful and flirty. I don’t know what to do. We’re not in school much longer so I don’t know about the 1 month no contact idea. Maybe 2 weeks? I just want him to want me back I wish he would make that move.
Faith

April 12, 2015 at 8:12 pm

Hi Chris,

love the new website it looks great!
my 30 days of NC ended on Friday and I was going to wait until sometime this week to send him a message but he messaged me today first (the first time I’ve heard from him in 30 days) he told me he came across an old note I left him and he had been thinking about us lots over the last few days… I waited an hour before I replied and when I did I kept it neutral… then he told me about finalizing his divorce and asked how I was doing… I didn’t quite end the messages first but it was a natural conclusion. he definitely wrote way more than I did during all of this…

so question… how long do I wait to message him again? what kind of think do I say? (I’m confused since my planned first message after NC couldn’t be used cause he sent one first!) any thoughts or suggestions you have would be great! Thanks Chris 🙂

Chris Seiter

April 16, 2015 at 4:30 pm

Super happy you are loving the new look.

I would wait a few days and then message him again.

Elle

April 11, 2015 at 6:48 pm

Hi Chris, the guy has just blocked me – I’m so down. We used to work together in one team, he had a gf but we started to hang out as friends (he was firstly not clear on his status) then went to bed. It was all going in circles – he wanted to leave her, but couldnt decide, started ignoring me, blocking my number, then met again, and so on. He broke up with her and “needed time and space”, and kept ignoring and blocking me again. After 3 months we started dating again and now he finished it. The problem was he was not able to be in a real relationhip – needs time and space, nearly all dates were on my request, he wants his freedom and independency, said he feels with me like in a ‘bubble’. We have been knowing each other since over a year, he is 40, me 32 and I really love him. I do not know if there is still any chance to meet as we have never really been together 🙁

Elle

April 11, 2015 at 6:51 pm

I could still meet him at work but currently he avoids lunches with our other work colleagues as he does not want to see me. i know i might have scared him off as i was texting a lot (that might be the reason for blocking me or that he is meeting his ex again) and was forcing a bit about committment. can you advise me something?

Lily

April 11, 2015 at 2:24 pm

Hi Chris! I’m in a what seems impossible to get him back situation – i was with my boyfriend for something like 4 years or more, but i have cheated him in the first phase of our relationship twice, and then i made a commitment not to ever do this again, which had lasted until now – however i flirted with 3 guys during these years lightly, and recently, i had kissed one. Still did not sleep with anyone anyway, but anyway, he saw the messages from this last guy after i had closed it completely ( it was a 3-4 days thing) and decided to end it completely, because he feels that all those years were a lie, and every good memory is tainted with the fact that i lied to him all that time. How should i respond to this, specifically, to the fact that if i try to remind him of the good times, he says nothing was ever but a lie, because all the good things were tainted by what you did and i cannot see you with the same eyes anymore? He doesn’t want to touch me or hug me, he says he feels sick at me and at my touch, and what’s worse, i understand him completely. I have been a jerk indeed with lying to him all the time, but i have also truly loves him and i wanted to fix all the things inside me for him, to make this my life’s relationship. However he does not trust a word i say and just says he wants to find someone new who can appreciate him and feel attracted to him physically like i was not, and i am just wondering if i change for real, would i ever ever get a chance on him again? He says he is completely and utterly uninterested in me because i wasted all the chances he gave me, and lied for the whole time – he is a very very correct and moral man, and he values truth and honesty above anything else, that’s why i am asking if you think i have any chance? Should i try it?… I desperately want to change these things in my life for him and to show him i am just a good soul that got lost.
VICKI

April 11, 2015 at 6:02 am

Hello chris,
I was in a relationship for 3 years, we were happy(or so I thought).But apparently He was never completely over his x girlfriend and they would hook up randomly over the 3 years. I noticed something was wrong, I became jealous and suspicious of his behavior. She has two children another man who used to be friends with Jared. Anyways he just randomly text me and said he does not see a future with me and that he was not happy. Two days later I get a message on Facebook from her boyfriend tell I g me he caught them sleeping together, so all the lies came out. With in 3 weeks, she becomes pregnant with Jared’s kid and now they are talking about marriage. But she gets jealous over her x, as if she wants them both. Jared said he is not comfortable being friends with me, he cares about her enough to not talk to me. I honestly do not see them working out, she broke his heart cheating on him with his friend, now she switches again! Her pregnancy has a 25% chance of living because she is high risk. I love Jared and I am sad he left me for her. She is a pathological liar. But he claims he is happier than ever and that he loves her. My intuition tells me different. He is just plane rude and mean to me now and I just do not understand.
victoria

April 10, 2015 at 9:00 pm

I was in a relationship for 3 years, we were happy(or so I thought). He was never completely over his x girlfriend and they would hook up randomly over the 3 years. I noticed something was wrong, I became jealous and suspicious of his behavior. She has two children another man who used to be friends with Jared. Anyways he just randomly text me and said he does not see a future with me and that he was not happy. Two days later I get a message on Facebook from her boyfriend tell I g me he caught them sleeping together, so all the lies came out. With in 3 weeks, she becomes pregnant with Jared’s kid and now they are talking about marriage. But she gets jealous over her x, as if she wants them both. Jared said he is not comfortable being friends with me, he cares about her enough to not talk to me. I honestly do not see them working out, she broke his heart cheating on him with his friend, now she switches again! Her pregnancy has a 25% chance of living because she is high risk. I love Jared and I am sad he left me for her. She is a pathological liar. But he claims he is happier than ever and that he loves her. My intuition tells me different. He is just plane rude and mean to me now and I just do not understand.
Lisa

April 10, 2015 at 6:51 pm

Hi,

My boyfriend and I broke up in October. We had been together for 5 months. I didn’t see it coming and he just suddenly said he didn’t think we had a future and he didn’t know what he wanted. But all the while he kept saying he wasn’t sure if he was making the correct decision by calling it off or not. We had been getting on so well and he was always keen to see me prior to this.

We didn’t talk for a month and then we met up and went out. We had a really good time, I stayed at his (nothing happened) and in the morning I made a comment that he took totally the wrong way. I apologised and he accepted it and said everything was fine, but two days later he went funny again and stopped talking to me.

I took the courage to contact him again about three weeks ago. He said it was nice to hear from me, but he can be hot and cold with me and it’s always me that’s initiating contact. I asked him to meet me and he said he ‘definitely wanted to’ but now won’t commit to a date and says he is very busy. What do I do?
lorrie

April 7, 2015 at 2:06 pm

Chris,
I’m curious. My husband left me almost 2 months ago, without reason. He moved in with his aunt who enables him to do what makes him happy and spend his money on whatever. Living free life. We’ve Been together almost 6 years, married for 3 1/2 years. We have 2 daughters in common (3 and 4) and my son (11) who he raised since he was 5. No contact rule has failed multiple times because of things happening with kids. I love this man mind, body, and soul. He’s been so cold/distant and acts like I don’t exsist. There was nothing bad that happened he just took off his ring and said “I’m leaving and never coming back” very confused and truly wish he’d come home. Kids are lost without him. Please help
Elizabeth

April 7, 2015 at 2:02 am

So my ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago and he’s in the army he’s been gone for almost a year and he has 3 more months till he gets back. I want to get back together with him we almost been dating for almost 4 years. But he already called me after the breakup and had a closure talk. The reason he broke up with me was because I was going out with my friends to much and one of the nights I flirted with this guy and his friends saw and told my ex I was all over him.
Confused

April 6, 2015 at 5:17 am

My boyfriend and I broke up two weeks ago after almost a year of a long distance relationship more than 9,000km that separated us though we managed to see each other every 2 weeks or worst every month …

The end started after an argument over the phone he said he love me but was not in love with me, we did stay together but I could not get over that phrase, then a week after the phrase or 2 weeks ago he travelled we had dinner I was so cold he was reaching out then at my apt I said I did not love him anymore

He said I deserved someone better that could see what he could not and feel what he could not … the next day in a low moment I texted him: “Hey, the pain does not go away” …he never replied!

AND now the question to contact or not and how??? I will be travelling to Europe in 2 weeks and I was supposed to see him we planned this trip for a while …

I will just hit the 30 day mark of NC 5 days after I´ll land …what can I do ? should I write before arriving to meet me even for a weekend? Not at all?

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2,741 thoughts on “How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back”