The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,804 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

Gris

January 31, 2014 at 8:48 pm

Hi Chris!

I’m a newbie to your site and I’m loving your insight. So my “ex” and I had a huge fight about 2 months ago, He decided we become friends I made it known I was not for it! After becoming a Text/Call Gnat, At the beginning of the month I initiated the NC but on day 20 he (finally) reached out to me. I gave in and replied to his text a day later, Since then we have communicated (nothing romantic and he initiates the conversation) at least once everyday for the last week + . So know I feel stuck I don’t know how to approach the situation?? Do you suggest I try the NC again and finish?

admin

February 1, 2014 at 6:31 pm

Yes try to finish it.

Also, you would benefit from reading a lot of the articles on this site. Each one is very very in-depth.

fiona

January 31, 2014 at 4:04 pm

Hi chris
My bf of 2 yrs never treats me nicely. I mean he was very loving and caring but donno wht happened. Now i feel unwanted, unimportant and insulted by his behaviour. I told him like 1000 of times dat i want to b respected and i need attention. But he said if i dont do it what will u do? I said i will leave. I cant manage every time. I alwz come bck and try to understand u. I alwz try to make dis relation work. But he nvr do anything. He just think abt him self. He even takes me for granted. No appreciation, no love, care, attention… Nothing. If i complain, he says leave. I nvr stop u. I nvr call u bck. Den swtchs off his phn as usual. Den send a sweet msg and whn i start talking agn, he starts behaving rudely. Nvr call bck nvr texts… Blocks me sumtymes. He said i dont even read ur msgs. I feel so insulted… So unloved… He nvr apologize. I alwz comes bck to him so damn normally. I alwz forget wht he did. Still he nvr appreciates. He says he loves me but still he do all d above.
If i go NC will it work in my case? plz help!!
Dee

January 31, 2014 at 2:06 pm

I just want to know if “No Contact” works when you are the person that ended the relationship? I can’t find any info on this. I felt I had to end things because we were in an unhealthy pattern of being on and off again. He is great one day, but the next he’s cold. All of my attempts to explain what bothers me in the relationship, seem to go ignored by him. I thought it would be best for both of us to take a break from the drama.

Can no contact work in this situation ?

admin

January 31, 2014 at 6:50 pm

Yes it can work.

Tina

January 31, 2014 at 12:41 pm

I just had a break up was really sad and somehow ended up on this website. Your website is seriously funny, I actually laughed I don’t know in how many days after reading the posts!

admin

January 31, 2014 at 6:18 pm

Glad I could help a little bit hahaha.

Mich

January 31, 2014 at 5:36 am

I did NC for almost 2 weeks already,but my friends did contact him. He is still telling ppl that im to blame in this failed relationship,and he said only my friends care enough to text him but not me. Does that mean he still feels something for me? I’m so close to texting him because i don’t want him to feel like i dont love him anymore but i know i shouldn’t. I guess im writing in to get some extra motivation from you Chris. Lol.

Btw,he is in relationship a week after we broke up and that girl is flaunting it in social media. Being classy,i just ignore it.

admin

January 31, 2014 at 6:46 pm

Good I am glad you are ignoring it.

This new relationship probably won’t last.

Khine Thida

January 31, 2014 at 5:17 am

Hi, my ex boyfriend sent me a voice message saying “Happy Chinese New Year” when I am doing No Contact Rule. Should I reply to him? I don’t want to be a jerk.

admin

January 31, 2014 at 6:45 pm

Nope you can’t respond.

SummerGirl

January 30, 2014 at 6:35 pm

My fiancé and I split in August after almost 3 years together. I was the one who moved out, but he had checked out of our relationship a few weeks before. He was getting extra attention from several women at his new job and said he was confused about what he wanted. Instead of sticking around and being his security blanket while he explores his options I left and started NC. I got my own place, cut my hair, started taking a kickboxing class and even went on a few dates just to occupy my time more than anything. After about a week he started contacting me, but I stayed strong and didn’t respond. A few weeks later I caved, and by October we had gone from trying to be friends to the happy couple we were for so long. He began making future plans, and said our time apart gave him perspective and he realized how important I am in his life, and not as a friend, and his biggest regret was letting me go so easily. A few weeks ago I started to notice some behavior that I had seen leading up to our split. A few few days ago he called to tell me he had decided not to come over that night because he had started to talking to someone and wanted to see where it might go. I was of course upset and told him that there would be no contact, and he needed to come get his stuff from my place. He became upset and told me I was being ridiculous and that there was no reason for that. He said he loves me, but he is just so curious about what else is out there since he has never really dated. He came over the next day to get his stuff, we kept the chit chat to a minimum, I was so distracted by his presence and the awkwardness of the situation I just wanted him to leave, and when he finally did I realize that his stuff was still HERE!! Hardly a day and a half had passed and he was sending me a text about his day. How do I keep to the NC thing when he still has his stuff here and when he’s already contacting me? Make no mistakes I love him and want nothin more than to be with him, and not contacting him takes every bit of strength I have!

admin

January 31, 2014 at 6:33 pm

Just keep up the NC. What are you planning on doing during it?

Kristy Lin

January 30, 2014 at 5:09 pm

Hi my ex sent me a happy chinese new year message during no contact period. Shall I reply?

Ivy

January 31, 2014 at 5:48 pm

U know I wanted to ask the similar question. But I stopped myself from texting him although yesterday was my 30 day and today is CNY. Idk if I should text him.
admin

January 30, 2014 at 6:26 pm

I wouldnt but its up to you.
Khine Thida

January 31, 2014 at 5:53 am

Thanks. If I reply, does it mean my NC rule fail and I have to start from day 1 again?

Nhi Le

January 30, 2014 at 3:25 pm

Hi Chris, I’m in week 3 of no- contact and today my ex just delete all my picture that I have with him :(((( I don’t know why? Why he wait until now, he said he need time away from me so I and him still put the in a relationship status on and he hasn’t take it down yet but he delete all the picture!! What does it mean :((??????
Lily

January 30, 2014 at 2:29 pm

Things ends with my boyfriend and we didn’t talk for a few weeks and then started talking again for a month, but weren’t in the same location and didn’t get to see each other except one time for work but it was brief and a bit awkward because being at work. Didn’t talk for 2 weeks and I made the mistake of calling him after a few drinks and leaving an emotional “I miss you” message. I don’t have a history of drinking too much at all. I usually only have 1-2 if that and maybe this night had 3. But I’m a lightweight. His mom is an alcoholic so it could’ve had triggered him. He called and said it gave him anxiety and he thinks it’s not healthy to communicate any more and to call or text him any more. I called the next day to say I agree and will respect his wishes, but I just had a question that had weighed on my heart and I wanted a positive resolve. I said if he’s not open to talking, I promise not to ever call or text again. So I now I’m starting the 30 days and wondering if I never hear from him, how long to go and if because I told him I was open to a positive dialogue if it’d be rude if I didn’t call him if he contacted me in less than 30 days. Also, do you have any experience where a boyfriend said something to that effect and then later eventually was open to communication? We had healthy communciation before and this wasn’t a pattern, so I’m hoping so. But it could also be influenced by him seeing someone else. Any insight appreciated.

admin

January 30, 2014 at 6:20 pm

Wait, he got upset because you had a few drinks?

I mean, 3 drinks isn’t that bad at all to be honest.
Lily

January 31, 2014 at 3:54 am

Yeah I know, but that’s not the point. It was a voicemail and he didn’t know how many I had. I’m a lightweight and may have just sounded slightly drunk and emotional. I cried in the message. Probably sounded desperate and pathetic. He’s sensitive and it gave him anxiety. Tried to apologize and have a sober conversation but he said not to call or text anymore. First time he set this boundary and probably due to a new girl. Just hoping in time he will want to talk again.

Mary

January 30, 2014 at 8:02 am

Hi Chris,

I have a unique situation. My boyfriend of nearly a year and I are not broken up as of yet. Last week, he told me he needed “space” to figure things out. He tearfully confessed this to me, saying he still loves me but doesn’t “feel the same way around me anymore,” citing differing ideologies as a possible cause of this feeling. He wanted a week-long break, but told me that I could call him if I needed him. So far, I called him once the second day and once the third day calmly giving him the opportunity to break up with me each time, which he did not take. He called me back both times, telling me he has not decided what he wants to do yet and he still needs space. Since then, I have maintained NC for the remainder of the week. We are supposed to reevaluate the situation at the end of this week. My question is: how can I prevent a breakup? Does no contact work for breaks as well? Should I ignore his call/text (which is supposed to let me know if he wants to continue our relationship or not)? Or should I break up with him first? I am really confused.

admin

January 30, 2014 at 6:15 pm

So, the two of you aren’t broken up yet?
Mary

January 30, 2014 at 7:41 pm

Yes. But there is a good chance that he will break up with me. He told me he would not let the situation drag on, and he would let me know if he wanted to break up when he knew, but I haven’t heard from him yet. We are on a break right now. I guess I’m asking what I can do to prevent a breakup? Is there anything I can do at this point to keep him? Or do I simply have to wait for the outcome before I try to get him to come around through no contact? I know it seems like I’m jumping the gun here, but I am really in love with this guy. And the crazy thing is that our relationship had been pretty great and happy up until last week when he decided he wasn’t sure about us and needed space.

Sandy

January 29, 2014 at 6:26 pm

My long term boyfriend and me had a clean break up in March. I don’t know about him but I started dating again few months later and I slept with someone. It was a one night stand thing. Recently the Ex contacted me again wanting to get back together and asking about my life while being apart. In your opinion should I be completely honest with him or should I keep quiet?

Joe

January 29, 2014 at 8:52 pm

Keep it Quiet its your business dont ever tell him ! Guys dont want to know that you had sex with another guy it makes us not want to think of you as marrage material in turn it makes us less trusting of you and then he will treat you like you mean less.

Good luck

Autumngirl

January 29, 2014 at 3:51 pm

I tried no contact after things went really bad after a year of dating it failed bc he called. I’ve known him for three yrs. It got to the point where I knew he was talking to other ppl and we were trying to be friends so I would ask and he would deny. Instead of enjoying out time together I’d constantly ask about one girl in particular. He’d just deny. Just recently we went out as friends and he mentioned benefits and I said no..we ended the night and I saw that he was the background on her twitter and that she was in a relationship. I asked him and he flipped told me he was single I’m pathetic and to never speak to him again. I hung up bc I got the point and began to beg. Yikes. He texted me right after to tell me he’s a piece of shit I’m great and he doesn’t want a relationship or friends and to never contact him. I guess my question is should I actually do NC stick to it and try again or should I give up bc what he’s said?
Amanda

January 29, 2014 at 3:10 am

Hi,
So my boyfriend and I got into a stupid argument two days ago. I mean it was just really immature. After our argument, he told me he was calling his friend to pick him up and he has stayed with this friend the past few nights. I called just to apologize for the fight and told him I would treat him to lunch. I honestly didn’t even think it was a big deal. Oh, and this has been our first fight in like 2 months. Well when I called, he was like I don’t know if we should be together anymore, all we do is fight. But we really don’t. He kept telling me he would talk to me later but then that night he called and asked me to do him a favor. He says he loves me but he doesn’t know if we should be together when just last week we were talking about marriage. I know that if he wasn’t with his friend he would want to see me and talk. Do you think not contacting him will help? He is being so immature about this. And if only you knew how much I do for him eevery single day.

Please help. I am so depressed and all I keep thinking is that he is going to go fimd someone else and I can’t help it because I have bad anxiety. 🙁
andi

January 28, 2014 at 4:09 pm

Hey, i found out my boyfriend cheated on me about a month ago when he left for a 3 month trip. He said it was just a one-time thing but I told him it was over. After that i sent him a lot of text and emails asking why he did it, why he kept talking to her if she was IN ANOTHER COUNTRY, and stuff like that. He kept calling, and sending messages but i was still very hurt. After a month past I sent him an email telling him i was willing to give it a try if he changed some things and i was willing to try harder as well. Its been 2 weeks and he doesnt answer. I told him I needed an answer or I couldnt close the chapter. And now HE’S the one who isn’t ready? He says he doesn’t know what to answer. Am I wasting my time? or could the NC rule help me at this point?
Khalil

January 28, 2014 at 11:01 am

Hi Chris,

I was in a long distance relationship for about 7 months we have never met in person. She applied a visa for me to move with her but one of the basic requirement of getting visa was to meet in person which we haven’t so our visa was denied in the mean time we have decided to meet somewhere in third country to make our case stronger and she was ready to come but I wasn’t but I apologize to her and said that I am ready for that plan but then she said she will not come and she will only come if also pay for her ticket.So I decided to go to her country as she said on a tourist visa but I wasn’t successful in getting the tourist visa, and she said that she is not interested in conversing anymore. Before that whenever she gets angry I apologize to her even if its not my mistake but this time I have decided not to contact her and its been 1 and half month since now. She deleted me from facebook but my pictures are still on his timeline so shall i keep doing NC or what shall i do or its just simply over..?
Please Help thanks.

admin

January 28, 2014 at 6:40 pm

Have you read my LDR page yet?
Khalil

January 29, 2014 at 5:34 am

No I haven’t where I can find that
admin

January 29, 2014 at 6:34 pm

The LDR guide?

anon

January 28, 2014 at 3:39 am

Ha. this works. I had a not good ending and then in the end said i am over him. Hurt but then 3 days ago he contacted me. I almost wrote to him and then said no. I read what he posted and showed his heart on FB. We are not kids, i was in shock. This no contact thing works. If they do not contact you in 60 days it is over. and it does hurt but wow. did not expect this. We are gong to get married….

admin

January 28, 2014 at 6:27 pm

You got him back and now you are going to get married???

fiona

January 27, 2014 at 6:04 pm

Hey chris…

So my bf is not communicating with me at all. I tried convincing him by every mean dat i love him a lot. I m trying my best to hv him bck. Because of dis we actually had a very big fight. He is basically very short tempered.
I hv been a text gnat and call gnat. He has blocked my calls but my msgs are still unblocked. He z receiving dem. But he didnt responded any of dem. He sent me just 1 msg which says ” i dont want to talk to u. Get lost and stop calling me”. Den i stopped calling n texting him.

Hv i lost him?? Does NC brings him back to me?

admin

January 27, 2014 at 7:21 pm

Sorry about his lack of communication.

I think NC can help in that regard. No guarantees obviously but I think it can be effective.

Annette

January 26, 2014 at 2:14 pm

I wish I had made the decision to go no contact sooner. My boyfriend of 4 years dumped me on our 4th anniversary in June 2013. He was out drinking at his favorite little bar when I thought he was at work. He didn’t even realize it was our anniversary. That day he karate kicked the door and knocked a soft drink out of my hand so hard it exploded on the window. A few days after that he tried to throw me out of the house at 2am with my daughter and 2 granddaughters upstairs sleeping.

I left and went back to my hometown 500 miles away. At first I hoped he would sober up and take some steps to restore the relationship. There were a lot of angry phone calls and crying phone calls on my part. At summer’s end I enrolled my daughter into high school here and gave up.

It’s hard to leave a substance abuser. I worried about what would happen to him. When he wasn’t drinking he could be a totally different person. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

At first he did the party life for months and just acted like he was so glad to be rid of me. I cried for 4 months. Now he tries to be nice to me finally but I have moved on in my mind and heart. I don’t want him back even if he gets sober for good. Over the summer if he would have said the right things I would have gone back. So maybe it’s best that he didn’t.

I like someone else now but going really slow. Bless all of you on healing your pain and the journey ahead.
rebecca

January 25, 2014 at 8:52 pm

hi there, me and my boyfriend were together for 2 and a half years. he broke up with me because he was too stressed in the relationship and fed up of all the arguments. i tried to get him back so much but then it didnt work. he said he wanted to stay friends. he said to me he wants me to date other guys and he will date other girls. we stayed friends and would hang out with him and his mate. we hung out quite a bit. i used to try now and then when we hung out. then one night i started getting really upset and crying a lot. he said he really wanted to hug me (this was before i was crying) and he admitted he still has feelings for me. he said he wants me to get in a proper relationship with a guy to prove i had changed cuz he doesnt want to get back with me if its just going to go downhill again. he is dating another girl which is really hurting me. then we met up the other night so i could tell him i wasnt going to be in his life anymore and that i wasnt going to contact him. he started really hurting asking loads of questions and wouldnt stop hugging me. so then we agreed yes im not going to contact him cuz i told him i need to do this for myself to move on. he said he would miss me if i didnt contact him. and he said to me after he stopped dating this girl he is going to stay single after that then when he want a relationship he will text me saying he wants me back. he has told me so many times he wants to get back with me in the future but not now. so when i agreed to do no contact i just contacted him straight away and havent been able to stop because of people upsetting me etc. what would you advise me to do? seriously need help. i really want him back.

rebecca

January 25, 2014 at 8:56 pm

would the no contact rule still work?
admin

January 27, 2014 at 6:25 pm

Sure it can!

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6,804 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”