The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,804 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

G

January 25, 2014 at 11:19 am

Hi,
My bf was ignoring me from a very long time. No talking , not messaging, not even meeting. He is kind of stubborn. He do whatever and whenever he wants. I tried calling him, texting him… Tried tried tried and tried. I did everything ur site says NOT TO DO. 🙁 But i got a hint and said “ok gudbye” in a text msg. 🙁

Do dis NC rule still works for me?

Thanku so much for ur help.
Jade

January 25, 2014 at 10:38 am

How do I continue to do the NC rule if my ex and I are in the same class? My ex is on a rebound for like a mth plus to 2 mths since we broke up.

admin

January 27, 2014 at 6:53 pm

You may have to revert to MC.

joni

January 24, 2014 at 8:02 pm

I have lost which post I commented on, I asked about snap chat. So after I’ve been doing the no contact for a week and he just sent me a snap chat that was our first contact for a week and I ended up opening it 8 hrs later but I didnt respond.. is that contact :/? Bc he sees that I opened it. Also Im worried that I shouldn’t be doing no contact. Bc he is a super sweet guy and we never had problems and we had just spent and entire week together and I read that men need to go into their cave for a while to rebuild testosterone. And maybe I gave him his space for a week and he is back and maybe it’s okay for us to move forward? Or should I keep on with no contact?? Some advice please! 🙂

admin

January 27, 2014 at 6:34 pm

Keep doing NC

Josh

January 24, 2014 at 7:41 pm

I got involved with a female we started out friends with benefits feelings became deeper and she wanted a relationship. At the time the economy was down and I wasn’t working not really ready for a relationship at the time she also had a one yr old son and I wanted 2 be there for him because I became attached but by not committing she said I broke her heart. She ended up with a new bf leaving with her and everything i found out about it but didn’t say a word. She still was calling and texting me even though she had a new bf in her life. I still helped her out with her son who is now 4. The relationship between her and the new guy ended and she begin calling and texting me again I told her after the break up with her now ex bf I knew about it the whole time now she claims to feel hurt disrespected and confused because i mentioned it I told her it was no hard feelings about it and she shut down and is giving me the silent treatment what should I do?

Josh

February 1, 2014 at 7:19 pm

Hi Chris I know you are writing a new site about guys in my situation, but I could really use some insight thank you in advance.
Josh

January 28, 2014 at 4:43 am

I know you said you are writing a new site but in your opinion what can be done based on the info I shared with you I’m not upset but she is giving me the silent treatment and I have just been aloof
admin

January 27, 2014 at 6:33 pm

Hi Josh!

I am actually writing a new site for guys in your situation.

Jim

January 24, 2014 at 5:20 pm

im trying to get and answer how soon after the first contact do I make the second.
thank you

admin

January 24, 2014 at 6:34 pm

2-3 days.

Kayla

January 24, 2014 at 4:59 pm

Hello Chris,
Well like everyone else, My ex and I broke up. It has been 5months now. At first I was a complete mess and he would always avoid me tell me we will never be back together. So after trying my all and making us work, I started giving up. There were other guys who liked me so I figured id just hangout with them and try to get my mind off my ex and hopefully move on. We’ll that didn’t happen. He’d pop at random times calling or texting trying to work things out as he said. But this ” Working things out” is a lot harder than I thought. He’d said it’d at lease be a year before we got back together but how does he know that for sure? I don’t know if he’s playing with my head because he don’t know what he wants yet so he’s keeping me around or what? So at this moment I just need advice on what to do. Should I leave him alone and find someone else or actually try to work on things?
Thank you.
-Really confused girl.
Richa

January 24, 2014 at 3:39 pm

hello ,I have been married over a year now . Everything was perfect until his mother came and ruined our relationship.We would fight quite a bit but the real bomb dropped when he denied me visa and I was left with no choice but to come back to my home country to my parents .Initially I cursed him and then we started talking . He told me that he loves me and wants the marriage to work but ill have to go to his mother to beg for my visa . I have cried and begged a lot which i guess is a mistake. I stumbled upon this site and it gives me a lot of hope. last he called me 19 days back and convinced me to again beg to his mother which i think is absolutely ridiculous and i should have to beg to stay with my husband . I said no and since then we havent spoken in 19 days . he didnt even call on our first wedding anniversary. what should i do ??

admin

January 24, 2014 at 6:33 pm

Have you read my guide about husbands?

rita

January 24, 2014 at 1:56 pm

Hi chs thanku for replying for my previous query.

Now my problem is dat b4 i started my NC, my bf called up and i attended. He z blaming everything on me. I told u dat i hv gone thru an abortion and he left me alone dat time. He said he was not in a MOOD to come at dat time coz i argue a lot. I told him dat” sometimes u need to tackle situation depending upon d priority. I loved u a lot and needed u. U shouldnt hv done dis.” He said “every1 loves me and for me every1 is similar. U r not dead after abortion in my absence. I left u alone coz of u.”
I was crying and deeply hurt by his response but he disconnected and switched his phn off. I sent just 1 msg to him dat “within 15 min, u got irritated and switched off. U can easily understand dat i was hurt and crying coz u left me in dat crucial time. Just bcoz of ur mood. But u got irritated in 15min.”
He didnt replied to my msg. It happened today. He called up after 1.5 months and said he loves me. But den he said all d above things. If i start my NC now, will he come back?

admin

January 24, 2014 at 6:32 pm

I think NC can be helpful to you yes.
rita

January 24, 2014 at 2:37 pm

I mean during NC will he realize dat his behaviour was extremely bad towards me and i m hurt?? Will he b back?

M so hurt dat i dont even want to attend his call right now. So i m starting my NC right now.

Thanks for ur advice chris..

M

January 24, 2014 at 1:33 am

Hmmm … I think using the idea of “No Contact” to get someone back into your life is a misinterpretation of what it’s about. “No Contact” is not revenge, it is not the silent treatment, it is not manipulative. It is for you and it is about you drawing the line under another person’s shady behaviour.

To consider going “No Contact” with a person means that that person has breached your boundaries, abused your trust and shown that they are not respectful of you. You are disengaging, not to get them back but to show them that their behaviour is no longer tolerated.

Any overture from them should get no response from you. Because if you do respond, you are giving them the green light to go through this all over again with you. You may think you are in charge but at some point, they will turn the tables on you and it will be on again.

So in short, think hard about why you want this person back. If you have had to go no contact on them, are they really worth it? Do you want to spend the rest of your life doing this?

Really, it’s a valid question. And I should know. I’ve been there.

Adrianna

January 24, 2014 at 5:51 pm

Well said… I’m in this position right now… My ex called already 4x after NC for a month and two weeks – I can’t stand the thought of going thrugh this bullshit again after being cheated on and disrespected for so long.

Isabela

January 24, 2014 at 1:20 am

Ever since he broke up with me, which was a month and 2 weeks, I have not contacted him once. We were together for 2 years, I treated him bad in the beginning of the relationship but then I changed and he just couldn’t forgive anything I had done to him so every three months he would brake up with me and get with his ex, I dealt with the pain and found out everytime they hooked up bc I had a way to get into his call history, but still I was there for him but I realized it was because of all the guilt for hurting him and putting him down the first year we lived together. He contacted me on Xmas and I did not pick up, then sent a text and an email just wishing me a Merry Xmas and to tell me that just because we had our differences didn’t mean he didn’t love me or care. I was out one night with my friend, and we were driving around the same restaurant were me and my ex used to always go, guess what? He was coming out the same restaurant with some girl. I think I almost died… At that moment I had experienced a pain I had never felt before, they kissed before getting into his car… Omg I literally wanted to die. I was miserable for three weeks, didn’t want to sleep, eat and lost my job. I got so sick I ended in the hospital. I decided to move out the apartments where we lived for two years and decided I wanted to better myself. I am slowly getting back on my feet again and now I find myself not thinking about him as much, I am doing everything g possible to just deal with my emotions an accept that he just was not the one for me or that maybe the relationship was just very damaged and could not be fix. He called this past week about three times in one day, I didn’t pick up and have not returned his calls. I will not call him ever! Is like something died inside of me that night I saw him kissing another girl… And I bet he will continue calling.
Josh

January 23, 2014 at 10:03 pm

Will no contact work against the silent treatment or should I just move on?
Kara Raley

January 23, 2014 at 4:29 pm

I have initiated no contact with my ex after things ended between us…how long will a guy usually go without texting his ex if he hasn’t heard from her?
amber

January 23, 2014 at 9:11 am

me and my ex are having long distance relationship. we met last february and finally met up last nov. during this period he dissapear once without warning. i message him but he never want reply until i give up and never contact him anymore. 2 months after that he contact me and said he had made a mistake by letting me go. he also said he was settling his problem with his ex and its finish now. he ask if he still can have chance to get to know me again.
Knowing deep in my heart i still like him a lot, i agree to start all over again. We have a wonderful tiem together for 4 months until he decide to meet me up in nov.

we spend one week wonderful vacation together a one isolated island in my country. he treats me very well, very loving. and i thought at that time we really in love. because of the feeling so strong, i agree to make love with him during our one week vacation. i thought he was fall in love with me also just like i fall in love with him.

but sad to say after he was back to hsi country, he began to act differently. he suddenly become very busy and dont have time for me.
In the end i confront him and he said he only want to be frined with me. he dont want to have relationship with me. this answer really hurt me so much. finally i accept his decision just to be friends.

he still contact me for teh past 2 months (every 2 days). but all the contacts, call, teting suddenly stop 2 weeks ago. i resist myself to contact him first. but he also didnt contact me.

now i am going to NC and want to see if i can get him back again. But i dunno whether its too late now to start since he never contact me anymore. i am now in the 10th days of NC.

I am so confuse. Is he just playing my feeling by giving me hope?

admin

January 24, 2014 at 5:01 am

Have you read my LDR guide?

stonghope1

January 23, 2014 at 3:21 am

I’ve been seriously dating Steve for 6 months..(he’s 44 and I’m 40)…he broke up with me on 12-10-2013 ONLY because this girl he dated 20 years ago contacted him out of the blue. (We live in St. Louis and she currently lives in New Mexico.) This was the one he wanted to marry but he had to move away for work and she couldn’t…they felt they were too young to have a long distance relationship so they parted ways and moved on.., both got married to others, he had a child, got divorced, etc. They always looked for each other over the years but she was over seas and so he didn’t think he’d ever find her. We had NO problems in our relatiinship and he even said he’d still be with me if she hadn’t found him but he felt that this was a significant event, a second chance. He insisted I stay in his life forever as a friend and so we stayed in contact (in small amounts) He finally took a trip out there 01-10-2014 to see if there was a connection. When he got back he said it was like no time had passed, they’ll see each other once a month, if that, until May when school is over and then she’s moving here to STL! what!? After one weekend together she’s picking up her life and moving here!? I’ve started to distance myself and not talk to him unless he texts me but even then it’s just small talk. I don’t know if I should go completely NC because he’s always looked to me for encouragement, destressing, reassurance, etc. Even if it’s just thru text. I know this sounds typical but I have this strong intuition that we’ll end up back together someday…maybe next week or maybe in 10 years. How do I know when to go from limited high level friendly contact to no contact. I don’t think I can just ignore him! I really don’t know if this long distance thing will work for them…I’m not sitting around waiting for him but he really is the love of my life and I don’t know if I should shut him out completely. HELP!!!

admin

January 24, 2014 at 4:53 am

He sounds like a real piece of work..

A girl he knew 20 years ago contacted him and all of a sudden he runs back to her?

This makes me sick…

Definitely go complete NC..
stonghope1

January 23, 2014 at 3:27 am

Oh and let me add…he’s been going 2 and 3 days without contacting me but then he always does. Is this just because he thinks it’s easier on me? He’s been nothing but loving, respectful, and considerate during this whole thing and doesn’t want me to feel pain from this. I mean he can’t possibly have fallen out of love with me that quickly right? I understand his need to pursue this, I’d probably have done the same thing in his situation but is it realistic?!

Betty

January 22, 2014 at 10:18 am

I broke up with my ex of 9month,coz he has no time for me he says hes busy everytime i want see him,i stoped calling and textin him,after one week he started sms and calls they be came to much that i told him if hes not ready to look for me and talk then he sld stop call and sms me,so do u think he wants me back or i sld go on with my life?
Madea Bill

January 22, 2014 at 9:35 am

Hi Chris,

Im still on NC and its my 22nd day today.. My ex and I go to the same gym, I saw him yesterday.. Is this affecting my NC or not. I cant stop going to the gym because my office is paying for me.
Please guide me what to do.

admin

January 22, 2014 at 6:08 pm

So what?

Be classy and don’t make things awkward at the gym.
Madea Bill

January 23, 2014 at 6:41 am

Hi Chris,

HEHEHEHE! he checked on me last night, (DID I SEE YOU AT THE GYM TODAY?) OMG! is this a good sign? he hasn’t checked on me since I started my NC.. I didn’t reply him back, Because i don’t want to break my NC..
But he still with the new girl..
Madea Bill

January 28, 2014 at 8:45 am

Hi Chris

I was so happy when i got the message but he didn’t text me again.. its my 29th day today of NC.. I’m starting to lose hope but I still love him so much… too much!
I still see him with the new girl, what should i do now.. please help me, guide me.. I’m so confused, I don’t know if he still loves me or no.. I really dot understand.. Please please advice me what to do now.

Regards.
Madea Bill

February 3, 2014 at 6:33 am

Hi Chris,

I have finished my 30 days of NC… I’m afraid to text him because I don’t want to be disappointed again like before.. its now official everywhere he goes he is with the new girl.. I really want to talk to him, see him, but i feel like I’m downgrading myself because he seems so happy with the new girl.. I’m still confused Chris… I’m so embarrassed now, the thing he does with the new girl. My family and friends sees everything and they all tell me to move on and leave him alone because he’s heartless..

But how is it possible for him to move on for a short period? he looks so happy and he even calls wifey the new girl… Chris please tell me what to do now? I still want him back, I don’t care about what he’s doing now. I still love him so much.

Thanks,

Regards.
Madea Bill

January 22, 2014 at 12:18 pm

Chris,

My ex’s brother called me today, he was just checking on me.. he was just asking how am I doing and what I do like I’m so quiet. I hope i didn’t break my NC.

Chip

January 22, 2014 at 3:00 am

me and my ex broke up 2 months ago. but in two months we became friends, hang out with each other and still do our annual habits, but he told me we cant have sex, cant kiss because we broke up.
after that i see this web and i want to use the no contact rule. am i too late? can i still have my chance to win him back after 2 months of being friends. in 2 months he told me he had less feeling for me than usual but he still wanted to be there for me took care of me. wth did that mean? please give me some advice…

admin

January 22, 2014 at 5:58 pm

Basically he is losing his feelings for you?
Chip

January 22, 2014 at 6:07 pm

i thought so. but he still care, still jealous. he told me that his life is only abt me, if i go he has nothing to do. -.- he gave me confussing signal and i just dont know what to do

Christine

January 22, 2014 at 1:25 am

Hi Chris!

I happened to stumble upon your website in late September–shortly after my ex and I split…and I was in the worst pain of my life. Since then, I have visited here regularly (often several times per day), and quickly became a “serial poster”–bombarding you with questions and concerns in my moments of suffering and desperation (and many times using different screen names for fear of you seeing how often I was actually posting). I followed the NC rule exactly how you instructed, as well as the steps you mapped out afterwards. After four very long, very brutal months, I am happy to inform you that my ex and I are now back together (and have been for several weeks now). I realize that I still need to work on things about myself moving forward, but I have learned SO much from you and your guides and am so incredibly grateful for all you have taught me. I hope to still visit your site from time to time–because for me, remembering the PAIN is a constant reminder of where I’ve been, how hard I’ve worked to get to where I am now, and what I stand to lose (again) if I let things go. Chris, from the bottom of my heart – THANK YOU!

-Christine

Adrianna

January 24, 2014 at 1:59 am

Oh wow… Reading this have me a lot of hope… Did u contact him at all during those long four months ? Or straight no contact ?
admin

January 22, 2014 at 5:56 pm

Really? Late september? Wow, I am so happy you stuck with me for so long.

You are very welcome.

Ambi

January 21, 2014 at 5:15 am

I feel like I am acting too “beat” for my ex and that’s why we are not together.I am always the one texting first , and when he does text back I act so desperate. I send even 3 messages when I do text him which is like once or twice a week. Every time we text we end up arguing he ends up bringing up something I did wrong because he reads my tweets and stalks my Instagram . He is testing me to see how far I would go being that he does trust me. I will try to resist my Impulses and last 30 days without speaking to him to see if he would try to talk to me. This is going for be hard because I want him to be my valentines . I wonder if he will even notice If I stop texting him. What should I do? Were both 17 and seniors and we’ve been on and off for 2 years now I want our relationship to her fixed so we can go to prom together and do all fun things and love eachother a lot
ZOEY

January 21, 2014 at 12:18 am

Not sure if I’ve done something wrong on this site. I was in the “NO CONTACT” page yest and not sure where my post is now. Just looking for my reply.

admin

January 21, 2014 at 6:00 pm

What was your question?
Zoey

January 21, 2014 at 7:50 pm

sorry, i will find it and resend it. I sent it on the 20th early.
ZOEY

January 21, 2014 at 7:59 pm

not sure why I can’t go back to an old comment on this. It was done on Jan 20th by 6am. I saw it there a few times but can’t get to it. It said 2044 responses to the no contact rule

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6,804 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”