The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,804 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

Jackie

February 18, 2014 at 5:08 am

Hi Chris
Thanks for your previous response, I have been 1 month no contact apart from him liking my facebook posts here and there. Valentines Day was 30 days, I did not contact. The next day I received a IM from him just with ‘xoxox’. I could have died. The brilliant thing was, I didn’t even see it until the next day, by which time he had sent a second message ‘miss you’. I left it a while then responded that I miss him too. No further response. My question is….now what.? I assume this is good news and he has been thinking about me and would like to hear from me? We are both going thru separation with other partners so I tread carefully. Plus we are LDR. But I dearly want to reconnect with him. No contatct was really hard but feel it was exactly what we needed.

Rebecca

February 19, 2014 at 5:27 pm

Did he contact you at all during the 30 days or was the valentines text the first one? I’m on day 16 and am losing hope
admin

February 18, 2014 at 7:19 pm

Have you read my LDR guide?

Ray

February 17, 2014 at 5:12 pm

I broke, I went ballistic yesterday over the fact that my ex-boyfriend has not been supportive about the situation I am going through and also because my friend sent a link of him on a dating site. I just exploded. So I guess I have to start the NC rule again. Although I am questioning whether I want t be with same like my ex I still love him and want him back in my life. So lets see how strong I am and lets see if I can stay strong and not fall foul of any more information coming my way and make contact.
Mariana

February 17, 2014 at 2:54 pm

I applied the contact rule right after my bf broke up with me. I Blocked him on fb, unfollowed on twitter and insta… he still follows me though, not sure why he hasnt blocked back, maybe he thinks am immature?! he called me three days later after applying the NC rule and that’s it! i think he forgot abt me b now, though on twitter he keeps posting songs and so on…
did he forget me:(?
Kristy Lin

February 16, 2014 at 9:55 pm

Hi I sent a first txt after no 30 days NC saying I have confession to made. He replied he saw my photoes on fb n looks like I hv been to many places n must be fun. Then he ask me what I want to say. I replied him 2 hrs later that I just had a yummy seafood n it makes me think of him. He didnt reply my txt anymr. What does it mean and what shoul I do now?

cristinar

February 18, 2014 at 10:28 am

You used the wrong text approach. A confession is about something interesting, not yummy seafood that makes you think of him. Maybe you should have said something on the line of “I keep ending up in places where we’ve been together, without deciding to actually get there”.
That would have been not too much, yet an approach to your past together and a link to your present without him. Text him again with a “real” confession to make to him, something that would get him to think of you two and what’s gone, without being too sentimental. Something sweet but light, this I mean, and yet that would provide a strong tie to your past and present together. Fish a bit and see what he’ll say. Good luck!

ray

February 16, 2014 at 1:26 pm

I should have also said that my ex boyfriend was so angry that he has blocked me from facebook and one of his phones believing that I lied to him although I maybe able to still e-mail. I thought that as soon as he realised that it was my stalker that he would apologised profusely and been there with me whilst the police do the investigation. Despite contacting him via phone and e-mail he hasn’t been forthcoming-therefore my original question was do I now go innto NC mode?
lily

February 16, 2014 at 10:54 am

chris,if you reply my comment will i get the notification on email? just wondering because i really need your answer. alrdy explain what is my provlem before tho..

admin

February 16, 2014 at 6:31 pm

I think you should.

As long as you put in the right email.

Kristy Lin

February 16, 2014 at 9:58 am

I have completed the 30 days no contact. Today I sent him the first text saying, ” I have something to tell you?”. He replied “He saw my photo on fb and looks like I have been to many places these days and must be fun.” Then he ask me what I want to tell him. I reply him that I had very fresh and yummy seafood at one of the restaurant on the other day and was thinking of him as he likes seafood too.”. Then he doesn’t reply anymore. What should I do now?
ray

February 16, 2014 at 8:39 am

Hi,

Me and my boyfriend split last week. I have had a stalker for a few years now and he hacked into my e-mail account and sent various e-mails out including e-mails from hoax sites to my boyfriend. My boyfriend believe it was me and split up with me saying that I lied to him. The police are involved now to look into the malicious communications. I have contacted my boyfriend to tell him what has happened and to call the police and sent him various messages to say that this stalker should not come between us. Do I go in NC mode now and just let the police contact him directly as a key witness.
Jas

February 16, 2014 at 6:52 am

Hi! My ex-boyfriend didn’t actually say we were broken up but his actions of not calling me or replying back to my texts showed me he wanted space so I gave it to him. I started NC. I hadn’t seen him since Dec. 20th (our 6-month anniversary) or talked to him for three weeks (I started calling him at the radio station, where he’s a VJ on the weekends, every Saturday because I KNEW he had to answer that phone & we would talk in between commercial breaks about what’s happening in our lives). Then last Wednesday, Feb. 12th, I believe, I ran into him at our city’s monthly local concert for local musicians. He sent me a drink over & we started talking the whole night. He drove me home. I felt we both still had feelings for each other but I’m scared to get hurt again & I’m scared I’ll scare him away by asking to get back together. This probably isn’t the right article to ask for advice on my situation but I NEED it lol I really want to ask him out on a casual date like bowling or the movies. Should I or should I go back into NC until my “butterflies” go away? I was one week away from the end of my NC period when we ran into each other by the way.

admin

February 16, 2014 at 6:23 pm

I think just finish out the week.
Jas

February 16, 2014 at 6:57 am

Side Note: I only called the radio station twice & stopped doing that three weeks ago when I started NC
admin

February 16, 2014 at 6:25 pm

Wait, you called the radio station?

Seriously?
Jas

February 17, 2014 at 3:48 am

Yes, he’s the VJ. I knew he had to answer & he didn’t seem to mind. I realized that was a little crazy though & stopped all contact when I started NC.

Jessica

February 16, 2014 at 1:42 am

Hey, Chris. I’m in the 3rd week of NC. He started deleting me from social networks.. is this normal? What do I make of this?
Marissa

February 15, 2014 at 3:41 pm

My boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me recently out of the blue. We had a great relationship (at least in my eyes but not his) and he was always honest with me about everything. He showed a great deal of respect and care for me. But after not contacting me for 2 days, he sends me a text saying that we need to talk. We meet up at my house and he drops the bomb. He says that the way that his life is headed, he does not see us being together. He didn’t really give a reason. He also said that he did not care as much as I did and that he made his decision and I can’t get him back. But again, he didn’t really give a reason. This just literally came out of nowhere. Whenever we were together he always showed a great deal of affection and care. His family knows me. We’ve hung out together with them at gatherings. The worst part of all is that we work in the same building and his brother is my supervisor. He wasn’t cruel or cold about the breakup at all. He was sweet and genuine but it still broke my heart. He says we can be friends but obviously, I’m writing you on this website because I want him back. I have not contacted him since the breakup (it was only 2 days ago) and after reading this article I will continue not to contact him. But I miss him dearly. In retrospect, I did have a lot of issues that I needed to work on (self esteem, confidence wasn’t all that great) and maybe he just couldn’t take it anymore. I’m not so sure. He was wonderful and nurturing and although our relationship wasn’t perfect, it was something that I could say is worth fighting for. He said he didn’t want to lead me on into thinking that he wanted to continue in this relationship. He was saying all these things without telling me where they came from. It seemed to have been built up for a while and he couldn’t hold back anymore. But he never acted that way when we were together. He was funny, attentive and smart and wouldn’t ignore me. He would apologize whenever necessary and had no problem admitting he was wrong. Some of the things I’ve done with him and told him I’ve never done with any other man. This is why the breakup is confusing. There were no red flags or warning signs, maybe there were that I couldn’t see until it was too late.

Sarah Beth

February 20, 2014 at 12:29 pm

I’m in a similar situation and it seems like things were not going well for a while and he was the type to not communicate it until there was no way to remedy the situation. It’s a shame that these guys couldn’t just say something when something began bothering them. For you it’s only been 2 days! Maybe he made a mistake and will realize it. If he is this type of guy, he will need to work on communication for ANY relationship to be successful. Good luck.

Lauren

February 14, 2014 at 9:14 pm

Hey Chris,

My boyfriend broke up with me 5 days ago. We’ve been on a rocky road for over 6 months now. Back in September we had a huge fight because he went to Las Vegas with his family on my birthday and didn’t appear just to call to say ‘Happy birthday’. I didn’t wanted to talk to him, and trashed his birthday gift in the can and he found out. After that we had like a 3 weeks break, and then we sort of went back together,and things never got back together because we never mended what happened. He didn’t invite me to his house anymore because his father thinks I hate him for taking him away, we just saw each other one a week, he was always working…you know the deal, i guess. We used to fight every two weeks, communication was low, and I was always pushing him to change, to do different stuff, to get away on trips just the two of us, just to get things back to normal after what happened in september. He didn’t even say ‘I love you anymore’ and when we talked about that he said that sometimes he felt like saying it but he pushed himself not to. All work no play. Not even sex. A month ago I gave him an ultimatum saying I needed things to change and be different, I wanted things to be like before september. I told him whenever his ready, we were going to be back together, but most of all I want my HAPPY relationship back. January passed, and nothing happened. Short periods of break but nothing changed. He went out of town last weekend and didn’t call for a day and I was worried. When he got back we had a fight and he broke up with me. You can imagine how I was. That same night he talked with one of my friends and say that he could give me a chance but if he gave me that chance in that moment it was because of pity not because he wanted to, and that maybe he doesn’t wanted to change or come back with me but told her to look up for me and stuff. The other day he told me…take a couple of days, I need some time, but if we ever go back together it will be de LAST chance…and then he said but you have to know that I could say NO too. Ok, he gave me hope…but when I went to his instagram later on he deleted all of our pictures, same did on his facebook. I asked him why and he said ‘I just wanna have random stuff on my social media’. I mean..he broke up with me by phone…then he gives me hope…but then he delete US from everywhere. Today is Valentine’s Day he said he was passing by my house to drop a present because he didn’t wanted that to ‘lose’. so it was a pity gift. I was a book I wanted for soooo long but still, I don’t know if he did that as a Valentine’s present or just because he feels bad about me. My friends tell me to do what you say on your site but I really want this to work. I want my OLD relationship back, not the one we’ve been having for this 6 months. I don’t know whats on his mind. He’s now changing his pictures on facebook and stuff. don’t know if he’s moving on. Or if I EVER have hopes on this. It really hurts. I want him back so bad but I want the old him. The one I fell in love. And I want HIM to fall in love with me too. Not just get back together to break up 2 weeks later. Please give me some advice. Tell me if I have hope or if I just have to move on. 🙁 I love him but I feel both of our feelings are under a huge mass of destruction. How can I ever remove all that? How can I get him back? How can I make him forget this six months and fall in love with me again…like FOR REAL. Not just…you know…pity. :/ I’m waiting for your answer! And sorry if I misspelled some words, English is my second language!

admin

February 15, 2014 at 1:46 am

No problem. Your english is great.

Have you read any of the other major guides on this site?

Ange

February 14, 2014 at 7:17 pm

Chris

Is there ever a circumstance where you use the “no contact” rule more than once?

Ange

admin

February 15, 2014 at 1:42 am

Yes there can be…

For example, if you mess up and go back into NC.

Marie

February 14, 2014 at 1:58 pm

My ex boyfriend and I went though a rough patch after dating and living together for 5 years, and he broke up with me right before Christmas. Then he moved out several days before the new year. I did six weeks of no contact, nothing, until this Wednesday, I texted him with a memory, as this site suggested. During the no contact stage he emailed me 4 or 5 times, one of which said he had been thinkng about me. He responded favorably to the message saying good memories and inquired about where I was at (I took a picture of a sunset and sent a small message). I ended the conversation right after that saying I was busy, he didn’t respond after that. How long do I wait before I contact him again? And what type of message do I send, another memory one? A text again?

admin

February 14, 2014 at 6:56 pm

1-3 days.

anonymous

February 14, 2014 at 1:02 am

Question. We broke up 3 weeks ago and live together… so I left a few days ago to give us both some space and start the nc rule (only I can only do so for a week due to where I’m staying). Anyway first night he blew up my phone (I didn’t answer) then Twp days of nothing. Than today he texts me and asks me when I’m going to grab the rest of my stuff followed two hrs later by a hello?! And 2 missed calls. Anyway my Q is this… does it mean this is working as its supposed to (I do want him back) or that he just wants me out?
Jade

February 13, 2014 at 11:38 pm

Hey, my boyfriend left me 5 days ago as he said that he isn’t happy and that he loves and cares about me a lot but he doesn’t like he is in love with me anymore. A week before we broke up he was confused about what he wanted so I’m hoping he is still confused about what he wants. Is this the best way of getting him back? Or is my situation completely hopeless?
Lucy

February 13, 2014 at 10:16 pm

Hey Chris

So we broke up a month ago and the first 2 weeks we were messaging quite a bit, him saying he missed me and loves me, I’m his best friend blah blah blah. Anyways, 12 days into NC and I’m going over to the town he lives in for work. I’m thinking of reaching out and asking if he wants to meet-up (plus I need to get some stuff from him).

Is it too early to reach out? should I not even tell him at all that I’ll be in his neck of the woods? He hasn’t tried to contact me at all in the last 12 days.
Rach

February 13, 2014 at 5:32 pm

Hi Chris, just wanna tell u how much I appreciate ur time and making this site to help people who are currently hurting and lost inside.
Anyway, I have a question. My bf and I broke up a week ago and I have been on NC for 8 days now. I’m determined I can get through it the 30 days, however we will be forced to see each other in about a week and a half for a friend’s baby shower. We are most likely assigned to sit together too as not many people know we’ve split up, and we agreed to attend before the break up.

We ended things, I think, because he lost attraction and doesn’t know what he wants anymore. We had a pretty good relationship, not many arguments or fights, but more importantly we had the same values and goals in life (which is why I want him back at this moment). I have been trying to lose weight, look better etc. I know I’ll have to show up looking my best but, what do I do? Be polite and ignore? Make light conversation?
Thanks for your time and help!

admin

February 14, 2014 at 3:24 am

You know what is funny. I went on a forum a long time ago trying to tell women about this site and they laughed at me and called me stupid. (true story.)

So, getting comments from women like you always feels good.

Look amazing during the babyshower of whatever. Be as polite as possible.

Ellen

February 13, 2014 at 4:26 pm

Ive made contact with him since the break up, I know Ive messed up is all lost if Ive made contact?!!!
Ashley

February 13, 2014 at 8:46 am

Chris,

Thanks for all the great advice. My ex and I were together for 3 years when we got into a huge fight (I’ve checked out the article for arguing btw). I broke it off with him because I knew it had to be done and told him that he needed to grow up a little because he wasn’t handling arguments like an adult. He was shocked I was calling it quits and began crying a little…which hurt because i’ve never seen him cry ever. His last words were “You’re right, I know I have things to work on..” and he gave me a hug before I left. It’s been day 24 of no contact ever since that day. Hopefully these are good signs he’ll mature and someday come back…because he’s acknowledged before that he doesn’t know how I put up with him sometimes. Your articles have helped get me through this, so thank you!

admin

February 14, 2014 at 3:14 am

You might want to take a look at my latest guide.

« Previous 1 … 94 95 96 97 98 … 128 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

6,804 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”