The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,804 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

manbat

March 3, 2014 at 7:17 am

heres some advice for the ladies here. i broke up with my ex gf 7 months ago. i ignored her texts. she did NC with me for 4 months. i saw her in public recently looking happy and pretty. i saw her talking to guys. she didnt see me. i went crazy i blew up her phone begging her back, she hasnt responded to my text.
moral of the story, if you want your ex bfs to want u back. ignore them, get them jealous. it works. i been going crazy and want my ex gf back even more than ever before.

admin

March 3, 2014 at 6:37 pm

Well said!

Elizabeth

March 2, 2014 at 4:32 am

My ex and I broke up a little less than 2 months ago and after a month of No Contact, I’ve been trying to get him back using the methods you’ve provided in your articles. As far as I know, I haven’t made any major mistakes besides maybe getting myself into a conversation about our past relationship on Valentine’s Day.

He begged me to be friends when we first broke up and I agreed. However, now it’s like he’s making zero effort to make the “friendship” work. I always initiate contact and ask if he wants to hang out (we’ve seen each other twice since NC, both times going very well.) We’ve just gone 9 days without talking and almost 2 weeks without seeing each other because I was waiting to see if he would make a move… nope. I’ve been feeling rather annoying lately even though I only contact him once every 5 days or so. Just today I’ve noticed a big change: his replies were lackluster and uninterested, and he took half an hour to a full hour just to reply something like “haha I know what you mean”! I can just picture him rolling his eyes seeing a new message from me or something. I may be overreacting, but I feel like I need to talk to him about this.

How can I figure out what he wants and how to approach this without pushing him away? I’m so afraid I’m either going to suffocate him or give him so much distance that he just disappears if I don’t do something. I just feel like I’m being used and taken advantage of at this point… And that may not be the case but it’s so hard to read him.
solo mummy

February 27, 2014 at 8:56 pm

i’m on day 10 of no contact, i feel the need to share how i’m doing with someone other than him, on day 3 he tried for a hug (we have a child & he dropped her off) and day 5 he said he missed me, i then had to call him on day 8 to see if he could collect our child & was feeling quite fragile at the time, i feel as though i’ve lost what was a) drawing him back in and b) what was making me feel strong in my decision to make this move. i work alot & have 2 kids to keep me busy, trying really hard to make small positive changes to myself (as much as my tight budget allows for anyway) but something has definitely changed… i all of a sudden have so many questions for him that i want answers for when before i was just breathing and letting what will be, be… how do i get myself back to that place? do you think i’ve blown it with him completely i know hes picked up that something has changed (he keeps asking if something is wrong)

admin

February 28, 2014 at 10:38 pm

I don’t think so. But I am a little confused when you say you want to get back to a certain place. What do you mean?
Solo mummy

March 1, 2014 at 2:05 am

Like I guess the calm zen place I was in if you get that? Believed I was doing the right thing by embarking on no contact and taking that space for myself…

Rita

February 26, 2014 at 5:10 pm

It has been 46 days of no contact. He broke things off and our last conversation was with him saying to let him know if I need anything and me stating that I will not contact him first because he ended things and needed space from me and that he should reach out to me when ready. But he hasn’t. Should I send a casual text?
Jessica

February 26, 2014 at 4:30 am

Hi, Chris.
Complete 30 days NC just ended, I texted him and he replied that he was happy that we could be friends again, even though what happened.. Then minutes later he replied again arguing about the thing that had ended the relationship.
We argued, I said I didn’t want to fight, and that I forgave him for what he did to me, and asked if he forgave me for what I did to him.
He said he really forgave me (even though he brought that issue up in the first place).
I don’t know how to proceed now.
Would you kindly point me in any direction?

admin

February 27, 2014 at 7:26 pm

Have you read my latest guide?
Jessica

February 28, 2014 at 4:55 am

Just did. Ok, so.. We entered the NC before I got to read this, should I send a message being classy and enter NC again? IDK what to do.
I’ve texted him that I didnt wanted any bad blood betweeen us, and said that we could talk to straight things up.
At first he said yes, that we should meet and talk, then he asked if we could talk on the phone. It was late at night, and I said that I was going to bed. He got really pissed and stated this (being sarcastic): “nvm.. we should leave this talk thing away. Ciao, kiddo”
Jessica

March 1, 2014 at 12:07 am

update: as it turns out, he’s back with his ex from 2 years ago, the one he cheated on me with.
Thanks for helping though, Chris.

I was (still am, but its different) suffering for a guy that cheated on me, split up on a excuse (that I actually felt guilty about) and now is back with a girl that made his life a living hell.

I now feel stupid for even ever loving him at the first place.
He BEGGED to be with me when we first started, and here we are now.

Well.. Thanks for being kind to me on the way through, Chris, I really appreciate it.
At least I’ve learned a lot in here..

xoxo

chloe sherlock

February 24, 2014 at 10:40 am

Hi my boyfriend finished it with me 2 days ago since then he has text me every night telling me he sorry but he can’t give me what I want and need! I accepted the break upwithout making a fuss but don’t know what to do now! If u ignore him he will get mad at me but if I answer him he just keeps telling me it’s over! I love him more than anything help please
tina

February 24, 2014 at 6:22 am

i love him so much & i really want him back please help me
tina

February 24, 2014 at 6:19 am

its been tow years we brokeup. last day we met suddenly & now he wants to meat me again he wants my contact number but the problem is when we met he did’nt said anything infront of me & he thinks i should call him first what should i do
Nama

February 24, 2014 at 1:17 am

Hi Chris.
I never thought I could go through the no contact rule. but after reading ur recovery program I did it.
After almost 60 days of no contact It didn’t feel awkward when I see him.. even though we are in the same college and class.
through the no contact he kept texting and asking what was wrong. and all.. but it didn’t pushed me to talk to him… til I was done with NC a week ago.

everything seems to be going great until few days ago. He told me I looked good.. n he misses me.
He came to visit and decided to spend the night. before I realised we were making out. intense making out. We did everything apart from having sex. since he is extremely religious and doesn’t wana have sex till marriage.
part of the reason why he broke up with me because he accepted Christ and didn’t wana do anything sinful.
He asked me wiered question about his sexuality. how gud he is in bed. sizes n all.

He left early the next morning. N during the day i called him and I realised he felt bad about the previous night. I tried to cheer him up but nothing worked. send him my pic which he said nufin about.

I then sent a message in the evening dat I don’t regret all that happened but I think he did.
N then said he didn’t say that.
I told him I can’t b that gal he runs to when he is lonely and all dat or any guys. and I’m serious now.
All he said was he is sorry about what happened the previous night and how he made me feel.
met him in church today. sunday n he acted like nothing happened.

Chris I feel like I messed the whole thing I put in soo much effort in to achieve these past 2 months with just one stupid intense making out.

What do I do?do the whole NC again. or just play along like nothing happened too and jus ignore him.
Please help. I’m confused

admin

February 24, 2014 at 6:41 pm

Have you two talked at all since the make out?
Nama

February 24, 2014 at 10:48 pm

Yes Chris we have.
told him I can’t b that girl he runs to when he is lonely. dat was the next day through IMs. We chat. and he said he is sorry and it won’t happen again.
met him in church 2 days after and he was all cool like nothing has really happened.

Slinky

February 23, 2014 at 11:37 am

I’m now on day 14 of No Contact. Whilst some days are good days. The last couple have been extremely tough. I feel I need to write something to someone, just not him.
We had been in a relationship for 18 months, but broke up just over a month ago. We had some real tough times during our time together. I sometimes wonder how I’m still sane with everything that went on. We broke up because I found out he had lied to me from the day we met. It was initially a small white lie that could have easily been overlooked. But he used that lie to excuse something that I’m finding extremely hard to forgive. I was in physical and mental pain and he used this lie as a reason why he had to leave me and deal with it on my own. His mum was the one who told me the truth 8 months after. I have tried to think of a reason why he did what he did, but I can only see that it was a reason to hurt me for some reason.
Anyway, after we broke up he kept sending me emails. Asking how I was doing, stuff like that. I told him that I was fine, which I was and that I was just getting on with my life. Over the next two weeks he started sending me things like ” It could of got so much better” “I always f**k peoples lives up, you’re better off without me” But not one was an apology or explanation as to why he did what he did. I agreed to meet up with him a couple of weeks ago, thinking that maybe I would get some thing from him. But guess what? All he wanted was sex!! So, he was sent away with a flea in his ear. He agreed that we needed a break from one another, but that he wanted to remain in contact. We parted with a hug, and that was it.
So, here I am day 14. I have not contacted him in anyway shape or form. I don’t even know if I want him back. I definitely don’t want the relationship that we had back, as it was built on a foundation of lies and was destined to fail from day one.
I guess i’m just wondering now, why he hasn’t even tried to contact me? When he has in the past. I keep thinking that maybe he has found someone else, or that there was someone else whilst we was together. I just want to kick myself for thinking this way. I will continue with No Contact, but I know eventually I will have to make contact as he has some belongings of mine and I have some of his.
I know it will get easier, but just today I feel like I’m back on day 1.
Anyway thanks for reading. Any thoughts or opinions would be greatly appreciated.
Jade

February 23, 2014 at 3:08 am

Hey Chris I see my ex every day at school(we are in the same group and we didn’t want to seperate the group). Am I ruining my chances in getting him back? I ignore him but he can still see me.

admin

February 24, 2014 at 6:22 pm

No your not ruining them.

Merry

February 22, 2014 at 1:58 pm

Hi, Chris! I`m at day 71 of NC rule. He don`t call me or texting me, but I still belive, that he love me. What can I do?
Jack

February 21, 2014 at 5:30 pm

It’s been a few weeks since we broke up, we are friends and see eachover, I find my self making all the contact and effort. My ex partner admittedly still loves me.

Would this 30 say NC rule be perfect for my situation?

admin

February 22, 2014 at 6:36 pm

I think it can.

Ange

February 21, 2014 at 5:36 am

Chris! I didn’t know that you couldn’t “back-date” the no contact rule… so I thought that since my ex and I had no contact like, months ago, I could use that.

I bought that “text your ex” program you recommended and found out the no contact starts from the day you get the program.

Anyway I’m in my second week of No contact and I see my ex and his gf have “unfriended” eachother on fb. This seems like a perfect opportunity to swoop in. Or should I continue the no contact?

admin

February 21, 2014 at 6:23 pm

Continue it for a while. You don’t want to swoop in right after they break up.
Ange

February 22, 2014 at 2:01 am

Thanks. Ahh crap they’re friends again.

Beaty

February 21, 2014 at 2:10 am

Should I apply the no contact rule if we are on a break? He has fallen out of love with me because there is no spark. He says “I love you and your all I ever wanted in a girl, but I don’t feel the way I used to”. I think that ever since I became more submissive to his wants and requests he has lost his passion for me. He stopped saying I miss you or cuddling with me at night or saying sweet things. What should I do?

admin

February 21, 2014 at 6:20 pm

Ya pull back a little bit.

Jessica

February 20, 2014 at 8:50 pm

My ex and I hangout with the same group of people at school. Our groups combined into one large group and we both decided we should not seperate our groups after the break up. So I tryed no contact by text and person (voice wise). I ignore him when he speaks and talk to other people in the group which consist of mostly guys. Anyway I realized I am not following the rules I am still there, he can see me. But at the same time I look and act more confident (a lot of people outside of the group even noticed how good I look and gave me their number). And my ex even noticed he can’t keep his eyes off me! Which got me hopeful maybe he likes me. After all when my friend Celest went over to his house she said he was in his room and didn’t come out to say hi(I set her up with my ex’s brother). Then my hope faded when his best friend, the guy who got us together said he talks to him all the time and he is happy. So my question is, did I ruin everything by still being with the group? By the way my ex’s best friend is social awkward and doesn’t understand social cues. And my ex keeps things to him self.

Jessica

February 20, 2014 at 11:01 pm

Update my sister is friends with my ex on Facebook along with my two brothers. (He deleted me after Valentines day when I was posting positive stuff) And the news is on our supposed to be year anniversary (Feb. 16th) he posted something like losing friends. He has posted other post apparently on Facebook but I haven’t been checking up on him my sister called from her college mad at his behavior. My question is the same am I ruining our chances by being in the group. Also can you please explain his behavior Chris? I am so confused please help me
Jade

February 21, 2014 at 8:33 pm

The same thing is happening to me! I hang with the group but I don’t talk to him! Am I ruining my chances 2!?!

Sarah Beth

February 20, 2014 at 11:13 am

If he does contact you within the 30 days and you flat out ignore him what if he thinks ‘oh well, then forget it’ and then when you eventually contact him after 30 days what if he remembers this and is irritated that you ignored him but now expect him to respond to you? Wouldn’t maybe a one word response or saying you’re too busy to talk or something be better during those 30 days?
Julia

February 19, 2014 at 7:59 pm

Does this work if the break up happened a long time ago and he keeps hanging around wanting to be friends? I have waited for 8 months, I have tried to back off and he persistently chases me, but for nothing more than friends. 3 weeks ago I told him I wanted no more contact (not nasty, just said I couldn’t do it anymore).

His son emailed HIM from my email account on the weekend, he replied, I said it wasn’t from me. He replied again. I ignored. He set up another playdate (telling his son he was coming home with me, but not telling me) yesterday. So he had to come around and pick up his son. all this crazy stuff. I still don’t email him or text him. But he still hangs around the fringes of my life, trying to get back in. But offering friendship only.

Do I keep ignoring as much as possible? It’s hard when our sons are good friends. I just can’t do the friends thing, and quite frankly don’t know why he wants to be my friend.

admin

February 20, 2014 at 7:35 pm

When was the last time you talked to him?
Julia

February 20, 2014 at 7:44 pm

Two days ago. I turned up at school and his son said “I’m coming home with you, dad said he’d email you about it”. His dad hadn’t emailed, but I said “okay” (planning for his son to call his dad to verify he was at mine). But his dad was in the car near the school. We had a brief discussion, I took his son home. His father then picked up his son a few hours later & we had a brief discussion.

He constantly sets up situations like this. This man has broken my heart, I am trying to move on and he is constantly setting up situations with our sons so that I have to see him. Last time he told my son he could stay there, requiring clothes to be taken down there. I paid my daughter $5 to take it down so I could avoid him.

He doesn’t want me, and I want him. But he won’t stop setting up situations where I have to see him and it just keeps me hurting.

I am trying to do NC so that he is forced to see what life is without me. He will either decide it’s good, and we both move on, or he will decide he wants me. But this constant pulling me in does my head in.

ivanka

February 19, 2014 at 6:51 pm

I became friends with a neighbor of mine 4 months back. But we barely talked for 3 days and he stopped talking suddenly. I knew he had girlfriend but they stayed apart all the time. So when he talked with me nicely on 3rd day and same eve he stopped talking to me, I was confused. We stay in same apartment complex for past 2 years and had noticed each other during that period. For almost 2 months, I tried contacting him thru emails and facebook. He unfriended me first, but later on blocked me off. I even embarrassed myself by going to his door, only to be insulted by him shutting the door on my face. From that day on till now it has been almost 2 months, I never wrote to him and avoided him the whole time. He too used to avoid me during that time, but later on he came back to normal and came home at times when he knew I would be either leaving the house or coming back. He stays in opposite building to mine, so when he leaves his apartment, he can get view of my house unless I keep all the windows closed. I maintained NO CONTACT rule for past 2 months, dropping from his sight too. I feel little better as the worst part of obsession abt him is over. Since I noticed him looking at my window from past 1 week, I wrote email to him today morning sayin ‘I want a confession to make…’. So far no reply from him, although he came home for lunch unexpectedly. I don’t know whether he has seen my mail or not, but keeping my fingers crossed in case if it works, else for sure I have to forget him and get on with my life. I don’t want to be a fool again. Anyways my lease is ending this summer, so I am looking forward to move from here once and for all.

ivanka

February 21, 2014 at 3:19 am

Day 2 has gone, but no response from him to my message. Does this mean he is not interested ??

Beaty

February 19, 2014 at 5:30 pm

Should I apply the no contact rule if we are on a break? He has fallen out of love with me because there is no spark. He says “I love you and your all I ever wanted in a girl, but I don’t feel the way I used to”. I think that ever since I became more submissive to his wants and requests he has lost his passion for me. He stopped saying I miss you or cuddling with me at night or saying sweet things. What should I do?

Jade

February 22, 2014 at 2:52 pm

Sparks are hormones of the body. When you are happy blood rushes to your head sending good feelings when you are depressed or sad they don’t reach your head therefore no spark. I learned this because my ex said he didn’t have a spark anymore so I read through my friends psychology and learned this. Your boyfriend just like mine broke up with you because of hormones. And do what I do no contact. I still am waiting to see from Chris if I am doing no contact wrong but hopefully he responds because I don’t want to be doing it wrong the whole time and have to restart.

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6,804 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”