The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,800 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

Marverne

July 7, 2016 at 1:49 am

Hello!

Me and my boyfriend just broke up, he initiated it, and we actually had a conversation, the next day regarding it and i ask why did you want to break up? and it was because of my insecurities, insecure because my boyfriend is really out there, everyone and almost everyone knows him, and I’m scared that one day someone who is better looking will take him away from me. and 2nd is Trust, i told him that because of the insecurity, i don’t trust him a 100%, but when I asked him to be my boyfriend at the time, He had already given me his 100% Trust. and he said it was unfair that he was giving his all and i didn’t . So that’s why he said that he’s letting me go to fix myself, to love myself. but he’s not sure if he can take me back. Is there any way that i can take him back after i fix myself, fix my insecurities to not be too insecure?

Marverne

July 7, 2016 at 1:51 am

OH! but we are still talking and texting, but it’s different already, he don’t send me good morning texts anymore, or even emojis for that matter. should i do the NCR?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 7, 2016 at 4:22 pm

Hi Marverne,

do active ncr not to get him back but for yourself.. coz if you don’t know what you love, you don’t know yourself, you will have the same problem with other guys if it doesn’t work out with him.

Sally

July 6, 2016 at 9:08 pm

My boyfriend is away for work a lot and we have been arguing a lot recently but we have lots of good memories. He found out he might get made redundant and switched on me as we was fine and we were looking at houses and we was happy. When he got job updates he said he didn’t know if he wanted to be with me anymore so we broke up. I tried to contact him loads for two weeks and got no replies. I went to his house and he was a mess, got himself a new PlayStation and wouldn’t look at me without getting upset, said he couldn’t say he loved me back anymore. Due to the job issue and someone else going it means he will be away for work even more now. He won’t speak to me about it. I am currently on day 9 of no contact, he hasn’t reached out at all, any ideas? X

Sally

July 18, 2016 at 12:08 pm

Just to let you know I broke no contact at around day 18 or so. I know I shouldn’t have but I was checking many forums etc explaining the issues and people think he might be depressed/stressed due to pressure with work issues etc, so I don’t want to leave it too long as I wanted him to know I care etc rather than just willing to walk away easily as he has lots of insecurities. He didn’t reply but I put my heart on the line to him and now I feel I can get on with my life. It breaks my heart as I just want to help him but I felt I gave him the cool down few weeks and needed to try – our anniversary is supposed to be Friday you see. I am not sure if he is stressed/depressed etc but it isn’t very straight forward due to his insecurities and the way he handles pressure. I know I have done all I can to save us though.
Sally

July 13, 2016 at 4:08 pm

Hello, he still hasn’t contacted me and we are about to end Day 15 now… getting worried……..!!!
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 13, 2016 at 6:40 pm

some really dont message in nc at all..read this: The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
Sally

July 7, 2016 at 6:28 pm

Doubt he will be back though so prob got all the time in the world lol! Xx
Sally

July 7, 2016 at 5:24 pm

Well I earn more money and have a career, studying at the moment, active social life and on my diet again. We don’t have any mutual friends and he doesn’t normally speak to exes although this is his longest relationship. I’m not sure if it’s stress or commitment or what. Xx
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 7, 2016 at 6:05 pm

that’s good focus on that.. you only get a short time not to worry about him
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 7, 2016 at 3:40 pm

hi Sally,

are you actively imoroving yourself now? in health, wealth and social aspects?

Shaina

July 6, 2016 at 7:41 pm

I was friends online with this guy for 5 years. We spoke about everything over the years. I never thought he was my type, that I’d ever even meet him and honestly thought of him as a player. Now I wish I had listened to this.

A few months ago he was near me for business and we met. Sparks flew that I absolutely did not expect at all. I fell for him quickly. He left for a few months but already had a plan to move within a few hours of me, we talked on the phone day and night. Literally from the moment he woke up till he went to bed saying he really was ready to build a relationship and something happened between us etc. He was saying he adored me and begging me to trust him and help not hurt him to be serious.

He moves and we spend two weekends together. He’s holding my hand, all over me, saying his home is empty when I leave, then boom!! We are better as friends, my past relationship is blocking me, I cried all might cause I don’t understand why I’m doing this etc. I asked him way too many times for explanations, he’s told me he didn’t have the feelings he expected or strong enough connection, which I told him was bill because he begged me and two days before this we were laughing and making out in his pool. Now he’s back to his past relationship and spending time with me made him realize he still loves his ex girlfriend, they broke up two years ago and he’s had other girlfriends since then. After three weeks of demanding he be honest that he played a friend trying to get sex and him saying that’s not true, I’ve stopped speaking to him. Been almost a week. Also when I was venting my anger I told him to block me and he wouldn’t. I told him he’s going to be sorry cause I really cared and was good to him ‘I know’ but nothing. Pulling my hair out.

Shaina

July 7, 2016 at 5:52 pm

I’ve done no contact for almost a week
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 7, 2016 at 6:10 pm

you’ve done or you’re still in it and continuing it? If both are no, you have to restart. YOu have to be actively improving yourself ok? That’s the most important aspect of it..
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 7, 2016 at 3:22 pm

Hi Shaina,

are you doing active no contact?

Sue

July 6, 2016 at 3:45 am

What happened to my comment/question? It was up for moderation yesterday and now it seems to have been removed?

Sue

July 6, 2016 at 3:46 am

Ignore that comment — I see it now!
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 6, 2016 at 6:33 am

Hi Sue,

are you busy now improving yourself?

Mia

July 5, 2016 at 10:21 pm

Hello,

I had messaged here once before but I don’t think it got through. I am kind of desperate to know the deal with my bf of 7 years. He has been pushing me away ever since he told his parents we got back (he had cheated on me and we had broken up). His dad was pretty upset with him because he feels all this is a distraction. He is 24 and unemployed and his dad wants him to stand up on his feet. When he told him about is his dad lectured him a lot about how useless he has been. Ever since he couldn’t get normal. He had his dad’s words in his head. And that was it. He started pushing me. He told me things like his feelings are decreasing. And he needs his full space to work on things in his life. He also said he doesn’t want in his head that I am waiting for him or anything and suggested I moved on. At one point he also said he would get in touch with me and ask me if I wanted to be with him. As of now he doesn’t want to be with me. I left it at this. After a week I spoke to him and he spoke to me fine. But the next day he just got meaner. He was trying so hard to push me away, it really hurt me. I have been with him for so long and even though he cheated on me I got back. It’s been a week from the last conversation, I haven’t spoken to him. I don’t know what to do. Please help

Thanks.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 6, 2016 at 7:59 am

Hi Mia,

you have to let him go for now.. he needs this time for himself to grow.. if you really want a chance that means you have to stop chasing him and start having your own life so that he won’t see you as a responsibility

Sue

July 5, 2016 at 11:06 am

My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago today. From the moment he said he wanted to separate,(over the phone) I was breaking up inside, but just quietly wished him all the best and said goodbye, and have been on nc ever since. He said that the distance had been an issue for him (he’s two and a half hours away but we used to see each other most weekends) He has not tried to contact me, but we still have items at each others houses. Today I saw that he put up on social media that he is looking for a long-term relationship. He knew I would see it, and I feel a bit gutted. I guess I just need some support as it feels a bit sucky at the moment. I can’t tell if this is a bad sign, or whether he is trying to get me to react. Which I won’t. What do you think?

Sue

July 6, 2016 at 12:38 pm

I have hit the gym and improved my diet and lost 4kg so far (8lbs) I have changed my hairstyle and have been working on a barbershop quartet with three of my musically inclined girlfriends…I also went on a date with guy, which was a bit tedious but a distraction. So, yes, a few things on the go…
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 7, 2016 at 1:20 pm

that’s good..continue being active even after nc.. don’t mind what he does.for now
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 6, 2016 at 6:33 am

Hi Sue,

are you busy now improving yourself?

Nickyf

July 4, 2016 at 12:24 pm

How long do I have to wait for a comment seems everyone is getting a respond except me

Nickyf

July 5, 2016 at 2:54 pm

LAST WEDNESDAY MY BOYFRIEND AND I HAD A FIGHT BECAUSE I KEPT ASKING HIM THE SAME QUESTIONS OVER AND OVER AND ITS SOMETHING HE HATE I CONTINUED WITH TEXTING ARGUING HE TOLD ME TO STOP I CONTINUED ANYWAY SO HE GOT MAD RESPONDED SAYING I JUST DONT LEARN AND KNOW WHEN TO STOP THEN HE SAID TO STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING AGAIN MAYBE YOU CAN LEARN FROM YOUR NEXT BOYFRIEND SINCE YOU COULDN’T LEARN FROM ME AND WHEN HE TELL YOU TO STOP STOP I REPLY AND SAID IF U FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT ME AND IF YOU ARE TRULY DONE WITH ME MAY I HAVE MY HOUSE KEYS BACK HE NEVER RESPONDED I HAVENT ASK AGAIN ITS BEEN ALMOST A WEEK IM IN MY NC HAVENT HEARD FROM HIM NOT SURE IF THE RELATIONSHIP IS OVER AND WHAT HE SAID WAS OUT OF ANGER FEELING CONFUSED.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 6, 2016 at 7:46 am

it’s just been a week. he was annoyed, so, all he wants to see now is if you will really change
Kim

July 5, 2016 at 1:45 pm

I can’t seem to figure out how to leave a comment/question. All I can do is reply to others comments. Please help.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 6, 2016 at 7:26 am

hi Kim,

it’s at the very bottom of the page but it’s ok if you prefer to reply
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 4, 2016 at 8:52 pm

Hi Nicyf,

sorry for.the late reply..hmm. you said you’re already nc, may I know what exactly is your question?

Ella

July 4, 2016 at 12:52 am

Hey, my boyfriend and I dated 10 months, with half of that time being in a long distance relationship. Things got rocky toward the end and he broke up with me. I will have completed 30 days NC on 7/5. His birthday is a few days after that. Should I go ahead and send the first contact text or should I wait until after his birthday? I don’t want him to think I’m only talking to him now bc his bday is coming up, and I don’t want my text to get buried with his other bday wishes, but I also don’t want him to think I forgot about his birthday. Help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 4, 2016 at 9:18 pm

Hi Ella,

if it’s a text message, he will more likely read it..so go ahead and geeet him

Nickyf

July 3, 2016 at 6:29 pm

Hi its been 5 days since my boyfriend broke up with me its been an issue in the relationship of me keep asking the same question over and over its something he hates he always warn me to stop let things go with the texting and aggravation but I didn’t Wednesday was the last straw I went all in with the text and he lost it went off on me and said if I can’t learn and understand with him maybe my next boyfriend can teach me or make me learn I don’t know if he said it out of anger will he comes around but because he is known to me blowing up his phone and begging and asking to work things out I decided to be confident and do the 30 days nc and see what will happen I had message him saying if you are truly done with me and the relationship may I please have my house key back he didn’t respond I don’t know if we are completely done .
Confused and more

July 3, 2016 at 5:46 pm

So I’m in NC right now. My ex has a cell phone line under my name. I know he’s still communicating with this new girl through it. I know that for me to move on in my life through this NC period I have to do something about this but I don’t know what move I should make. How do I go about getting the phone back without breaking NC?

PS. Currently through NC he has sent at least 1 text to me everyday wishing me to have a good day and be safe.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 4, 2016 at 8:03 pm

Hi Confused and more,

well you can cut the line first and then get the phone later on..if you really need the phone, then you can ask him about it during nc but onmy meet and talk for and about the phone only

Jay

July 3, 2016 at 1:58 pm

For the NC rule, do you think it would be helpful to delete/block our ex from social media (Facebook, snapchat, instagram, etc…) ? I’m not sure if it is better for me ex to have access to my social media or not. Any advice?

Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 4, 2016 at 7:50 pm

Hi jay,

it’s better if you let him see your posts

May

July 3, 2016 at 9:19 am

I just started NC and when I say I just started I mean today (7/2). I was reading on here but can’t find it again where if your ex wants to exchange items. My ex is supposed to give me money he owes me next week. If I see him then, do I have to start NC all over? I won’t respond to any unnecessary texts. Only when he says he’s bringing my money is when I will respond.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 3, 2016 at 2:27 pm

nope as long as you don’t have small talk and talk about feelings and relationships

Diane

July 1, 2016 at 3:42 pm

I read the NC rule and I have to start it after this Saturday coming up. My bf and I broke up I want to say mutually because after he cheated on me earlier this year, he hasn’t been able to feel the same. We were trying to get our relationship back on track and a couple months later (April) he seemed “out of it.” He told me he feels like he can’t put 100% into the relationship. He didn’t say exactly why. But in May he was making more of an effort to do so, which showed. Then in June, he basically told me that he just feel so bad for cheating and he can’t give me a 100% still. He says he doesn’t deserve me and I deserve better. He’s also said he wants to get himself in order in order to provide better for me and in order to perform all the bf duties.

I want to believe him. I hope he’s just not giving me an excuse. But I do want to believe him. We’ve been dating for 3 years. We broke up last week so of course NC should had started then. But I used to live with him and I can only get my belongings out tomorrow. After that I plan to use NC.

Do you think NC and the other rules might work here? since the breakup last week, he’s been texting me asking about my day. I only responded to one text so I can be on friendly terms to get my belongings.

Diane

July 1, 2016 at 6:54 pm

Mainly because we were living together and we fell in a routine and because we were having less sex
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 1, 2016 at 6:20 pm

Hi Diane,

we can’t guarantee that it will work 100% but it will increase your chances.. why did he cheat,?

Rachel

June 29, 2016 at 11:48 pm

Hello,

Me and My ex just barely broke up. We have dated for just under a year and it was pretty serious. He is struggling with some things in his life right now and I just constantly felt like the love I was giving him wasn’t being equally reciprocated. We would get into petty arguments which would always lead to me saying how i was frustrated that I felt like I was giving him 100% of myself. I would get 100% back from him sometimes, but only on his terms. He has really high expectations about relationships i feel. He always would tell me that I was perfect and no one had ever treated him this way and that he didn’t think he would ever find someone like me. But i still was having a hard time getting the true reassurance that i needed. He is super sensitive so me saying that I felt insecure made his feelings get hurt . One of the biggest reasons I was insecure was because He had a serious gf before me for many years and i feel like all of his friends and family preferred her to me, because she is a little more spunky and outgoing and I am really shy. I tried to connect with his family, but it was really difficult because I always felt like I was being compared to the previous ex. I am scared his friends and family are convincing him that he should have never dated me He sounded wishy washy…anyways after a big fight about me feeling unstable and like he was not a 100% invested in this relationship it ended. He broke up with me on the phone after taking a couple of days ignoring me. I tried to have him give me some more closure or at least talk to me but he said him seeing me in person would just hurt him more. He said he isn’t capable of a relationship right now and after talking to some people its best if we end it. He needs to work on himself. He said if hes not dating me, hes dating no one, but then later said that he doesn’t know if me and him will rekindle things and that it’ll be hard but good vibes are down the road….despite all this, I want him back. I felt something super special and felt like I should have been a little more understanding to what was going on in his life and that even if I didn’t feel 100% from him, he was truly trying his best. His bday is literally exactly at the end of the NC. If I can make it through the NC should i send him a text on his birthday? Or should I wait a little bit later so its more special and not just another “birthday text”. I really want him back.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 1, 2016 at 11:24 am

HI Rachel,

I know you already know this but I just have to say it. Don’t compare yourself to his ex’ in that way.. There’s a reason why they didn’t work out and why you are his current. Your insecurity will lead to actions that will ruin the relationship.. Be confident.. if you liked some qualities of the ex, that just means you wanted to exude those qualities but you’re not being true to yourself because you’re not brave enough to be it..

learn to love yourself so you can be confident.. you maybe more serious compared to her, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have a sense a humor and maybe that shows you have more substance.. know yourself ok? Don’t be defined by others’ qualities.

Soph

June 29, 2016 at 5:07 pm

My ex boyfriend broke up with me almost three weeks ago. We were together for 10 months. His grandfather (who was practically his father growing up) died and he became withdrawn before ending it. I have text him twice since, once for him to send me my DVDs (he said he would but hasn’t yet, instead he said he thought it would be easier to buy me new ones and have them sent to me) the second was to see if we could arrange a time to talk, which he didn’t respond to. I have initiated NC and am only 6 days in.
He keeps ‘liking’ numerous fb posts that both I and my mother have put on. His sisters are even talking to me on fb, which I find confusing as my family have stopped all communication with him.
Does the circumstances surrounding the break up need to be taken into consideration. If he messages to meet up (he hasn’t but just in case) I would feel bad considering the decision he made was due to grief and I wouldn’t want to kick him when he is down. By ignoring him for 20 days or so. Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 1, 2016 at 9:35 am

Hi Soph,

you,re doing nc for him to realise that you were there by his side, so if he reaches out to say he really want to talk things out, you should just reply.
but if it’s just a hi, don’t reply right ahead..you were there when he was grieving, you even offered to talk but he didn’t respond..he will not see your worth if you’re always available with just one hi

Melli

June 29, 2016 at 4:18 pm

My boyfriend and I dated for 8 months doing long distance the whole time. We broke up two months ago because neither one wanted long-distance anymore and we felt that it brought too many problems. We kept talking and we were both still in love. Two months later we got into a huge fight and he hurt me and broke my heart. I tried to do the no contact rule on him but then I broke it and he said that if I did that again I would be dead to him and he wouldnt talk to me again. I didnt want to loose him so we still talk. He starts every conversation and he looks for me but I dont know if he wants me back or if he just wants to hang on to me for the mean time. Should I do the no contact rule on him and risk loosing him completely or keep talking to him and be short? He also told me that by ignoring him Im just letting him know that I want nothing to do with him.
Audrey

June 29, 2016 at 1:18 pm

Hello,
My boyfriend and I dated for 8 months doing long-distance the whole time. We broke up because we didn’t want a long-distance relationship anymore because it brought too many problems. We kept talking after breaking up and we still were in love with each other. I knew that I wanted to give it another try during that time but I didn’t know if he wanted to so I never asked.
After those two months we got into a huge fight and he was really angry and said really hurtful things that broke my heart. I tried to not talk to him but I broke the no contact after only 5 days. Then I tried it again and failed. He told me that if I ever did it again he wouldn’t talk to me ever again, that I would be as good as dead to him because he would never do that to me.
The problem is that I want him back but I think that he needs to me miss me first so I don’t know if I should do the no contact rule again and risk loosing him completely or just be short when we talk and not promote the conversation. He also said that if I did ignore him again he wouldn’t even try anymore because it means that I want nothing to do with him, so I don’t what to do to get him back.

Audrey

July 2, 2016 at 4:10 am

Do you think it is will be possible for me to get him back? I think he recents me and he said he would throw away everything that he has of me. He says he wants nothing to do with me. And he is specially hurt that I would dare ignore him. I don’t think he would even consider answering me if texted him in 30 days. I feel hopeless. I lost him forever.
Audrey

June 30, 2016 at 9:34 pm

Amor,
I told him and he hates me now and doesn’t want to talk to me ever again. I don’t know what to do please help me. I feel like he wouldn’t respond to me even if I tried after the 30 days. He absolute hates me and thinks that I am the worst person in the world. Help!
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 1, 2016 at 4:56 pm

if you said the exact way. that ou mentioned you needed it to heal and that you’ll reach out as friens again once you’re ready, then just let him be… if he can’t understand that it’s for you to heal that’s selfish..and also he may know that when he gets angry he’s got power over you..so , just let him be
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 29, 2016 at 4:41 pm

Hi Audrey,

tell him you really need space to heal but don’t tell until when you would do nc.. and that you’ll reach out once you’re ready to be friends again

Time

June 29, 2016 at 2:49 am

My gf broke up with me because she met another guy who has a nice car, own place, everything I don’t have. We have been together for almost 5 years, both 23. Shes young and stressed out, very emotional and shes curious about life being greener on the other side. This guy is more than 10 years older than she is and I know he’s up to no good (still has pics of his past friends on fb and talking about sleeping with each other). Before she initiated the break up, she told us to no contact for 1 week and I knew things would just go down hill from there. After that, things slowly paced itself back, we are good friends, comfortable with each other, but I’m still devoted to her and feel like life is pointless if I don’t continue to fight for her. At first, every time I try to have dinner with her, she would keep postponing and giving excuses like too busy or stressed. But it’s been 3 months since the breakup now and we have dinner once in a while. She’s slept over twice since our breakup, and its just as a friend… She keeps reassuring me with false promises stating that things won’t blossom with that guy, but all the clues are laid out… (Texts him, goes to all the places we used to go to, etc). She is the type that will lie and feel guilty about it, and I can see through it. I might be just a “friend with benefits” for her now… I put in $2000 on a trip we had planned in the fall, but she broke up all of a sudden, and went on a 1 week trip with a group of 6, with that guy included. And I told her, “keep the money, I want you to see how much you still mean to me… What friend would just drop 2k on something they weren’t even a part of?” To make things worst, all of my friends are her friends, as we chilled together with the same group since our highschool days. And she says to me, “if you make things awkward, people won’t even want to invite you.” I’m afraid that we are just going to be friend zoned forever and things will drift further away between us. I’ve invited her for dinner on 4th of July, but she gave me 3 different excuses. “Too much people, you should get some rest (1st time even hearing this one), I’m staying indoors.” And I’m know she’s going to spend July 4th with that guy… the lies and lame excuses are becoming more and more absurd. But she’s willing to watch a movie with me on a night before July 4th… She’s amazing, the most beautiful girl I’ve ever set eyes on. She can be bitchy at times and throws tantrums pretty often, but I’ve not once gotten impatient with her and cherish her for who she is. I know she is not perfect and even goddesses lie. Sometimes I wonder how the hell was I even given a chance to be together with her, as she rejected me the first time I asked her out, but stayed strong and fought. I don’t want to lose her, even though I did. Contradictory, yea I know. She’s so close to me, yet so far…
And I’ve seen too many instances where the dude gets friend zoned forever, which of course no one wants. Any advice?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 29, 2016 at 4:18 pm

Hi Time,

if she really did leave for those reasons, she’s the one who lost a good one with you.. start nc and let her be for now.. she’s not going to miss you if you’re always around and you need to heal and improve too

Elle

June 28, 2016 at 9:39 pm

My ex was in the Istanbul airport today just went the attack happened waiting for his connecting flights , he had messaged me several times over this past 5 days where I was doing the no contact rule
I’ve had to break the rule trying to get hold of him after I’ve heard the terrible news ..,
I’m praying for him to be safe , I’m just wondering how can I go back to no contact after he confirms he is safe . This has made me realize how much I still love him .

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 29, 2016 at 3:15 pm

Hi Elle,

how long have you been in nc? because if it’s ling enough then just continue on building rapport

HK

June 28, 2016 at 8:21 pm

Me and my ex boyfriend are two different people. We are from different ethnicity, country and have different religion. He ia a conservative Muslim whereas I am a Hindu. We ave been in a relationship for about 10 months. For the past 2 months that we started living together, we have been fighting everyday. We both have started getting physical at each other. I always tell him what wrong he has done and he always blames me for everything. I was so upset that he didn’t come and console me when I was crying. He was on his phone so I started throwing all his stuffs. That”s when he told me he want nothing to do with me and broke up. I tried killing myself. I begged him, asked him to show pity on me. I have moved to a different place for a week but will be going back to the same place. We both still will be living together as we have a long lease. Can you help me out and find out how I can get him back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 29, 2016 at 2:56 pm

Hi Hk,

you have to put yourself first.. you have to learn how to be independent and more rational

« Previous 1 … 32 33 34 35 36 … 128 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

6,800 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”