The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,804 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

michelle

January 15, 2014 at 5:23 pm

hi! i love the blog! cause just recently my ex-bf contacted me after 1 year and 4 months. we both agreed about the NC rule. I did not broke that because I am enjoying a lot being single and giving time for myself. Ive changed a lot after that, physically mentally and I can proudly say that its all for good. I dont have feelings on him and no plans in getting him back. That is why I feel like I won. Doesnt matter if he wants me back or not but the pride that I kept for long time of moving on from him finally succeed. Im just proud of what I did. <3

admin

January 15, 2014 at 7:34 pm

Me too!

I am proud too.

Rebecca

January 15, 2014 at 2:25 pm

Heya,

Boyf and I always fighting, threatening to break up and what not. We moved together to a new country recently where night life is pretty crazy. His got into coke in a big way and seems to think Im mixing with his new friends too much and crap about how im clinging and his too young and still wants boys hols. I went back home with intentions of giving each other space and after a week he said he thought about it and we should break up. Im fuming and to be quite frank fed up of this crap. Its day two and his hounding my phone already. what on earth is he playing at. My stuff is in the new country and Im in limbo. I love him if I go back to get my stuff im done as we have to spend time in same place. why the hell is he calling me so much with nothing productive to say. And when he does.. he chimes rubbish.. no msgs about getting back tho, pretty sure his stalking my FB, whats app time and all too. im not sure if this is logistically possible being cross seas and all! lol Help me! Wt abt a week?

Rebecca

January 15, 2014 at 2:28 pm

PS. Loving your website and articles!

Hailey

January 15, 2014 at 10:56 am

Just came across this today; I really like your style.
It’s a brand new day and it will be day one of No Contact, first try.
Here’s what’s up though; after the break-up (last Monday) I got way too emotional and texted and called so much that I earned myself a spot in his block list in his phone. Can I come back from this or is there a good chance he may think I’m crazy now? I’m afraid that the way I acted when he started ignoring me may have damaged my chances of getting him back.
Deem

January 14, 2014 at 4:03 pm

I’ve been doing good with the NC rule for nearly 3 months now(I broke it off). To achieve this I had to go as far as involving the authorities because he would not stop calling/texting/emailing me. It worked for a while but he was still stopping by my home when I wasn’t there, leaving me flowers and a couple of messages on my voicemail. I did good by not responding to any of it (we also haven’t actually seen each other during these 3 months). But the other day he left me a message asking if I could help him fix an appliance of his, just out of the blue. This pissed me off as I couldn’t believe he was calling me so nonchalantly as if we were buddies/cool with each other. So I left him a voicemail (very glad he did not answer the phone) and told him if he contacts me again I will send the police to his home. Was I wrong in doing this? Should I have just not replied to his message at all? I feel like he is not getting the message and it angers me. I will maintain NC after this. But wondering if I set myself back by doing this.

admin

January 15, 2014 at 6:38 pm

Yes you shouldn’t have replied.

Jessica

January 13, 2014 at 10:34 pm

Hi Chris,
I was doing the no contact rule for 6 days then broke it and he came over on new years and then I started again for 11 days and then i went and saw him and begged him to come back to me. he said he never wanted to be with me again because i was controlling and mean. he said he was happy being free. We were together for 2 years. have i ruined my chances, will the nc rule work for me now?

admin

January 14, 2014 at 5:45 pm

Yes it can work for ya.

Amy

January 12, 2014 at 6:10 pm

We broke up two days before Christmas and I did no contact until he came to get his stuff from my apartment two days ago. (About 18 days of NC) When he was here to get his stuff, he stayed for a few hours and we ended up hooking up. Do I restart NC from when he came to get his stuff now? Can it still work?

admin

January 13, 2014 at 6:12 pm

I wish you hadn’t of hooked up. Yup, restart the NC
Amy

January 15, 2014 at 5:34 pm

Can NC still work?
admin

January 15, 2014 at 6:34 pm

Yes

Jen

January 12, 2014 at 3:45 am

My ex & I had a huge argument about a month & a half ago. He blocked my number & on Facebook. I sent him an email a month ago apologizing, no reply. It’s been 30 days no contact. Will he contact me again?

Jen

January 13, 2014 at 7:20 am

Thanks! That is hopeful. But the question is when? Do I wait for him to reach out to me? Or do I text him? I’m scared.
admin

January 12, 2014 at 6:12 pm

I think the likelihood of the two of you talking again is high

Josh

January 12, 2014 at 2:19 am

After the no contact for thirty days should I contact them or wait for them to contact me.

admin

January 12, 2014 at 4:57 am

You contact them.

Liza

January 11, 2014 at 7:32 pm

My bf broke up with me New Year’s Day. So I did no contact. He had been texting and stuff and after a week of not responding I agreed to have dinner (very fancy restaurant) with him. We didn’t talk about our relationship or getting back together, just generic conversation…same thing dinner the following day. Did I make a mistake? Should I just ignore his texts again?
Amber

January 11, 2014 at 7:15 pm

So here is my story. I got this scholarship to study in europe and there was this guy who was the rep of my country of the scholarship. I had some questions so i emailed him and gradually we started talking, then it was fb, viber, whatsapp and of course dear old skype. So after 4 months non stop talking and him pursuing me to meet him up (which i declined three times in a row) I decided to meet him. The first meeting was wonderful and soon we were hit by stupid cupid. But before getting in any relation I did tell him specifically that i dont want a just for fun relationship and if that is what he is looking for he should not start anything with me but he assured me that he loves me and that i wont know how the relation will be if i dont take a chance. So i took a chance and things were gng great until after three months he announced to me that he has been diagnosed with Hepatitis and for that reason we shud end our relation and be friends. I told him that I love him so no disease is gng to stop that and I even took hep vaccine shots to tell him that there are solutions. Things went great again and all was well but then again after a few months he was like you deserve someone better and we shudnt be in a relation. I stopped talking to him for a week but then I talked to him again and then we ended up meeting and we were fine again and all happy.

But then again after a few months he started the same thing saying he is sick and not financially strong and he cant give me the life i deserve and neither can he take my responsibility. And he suggested that we become friends. I again stopped talking to him but he did send one or two msgs that ended in heated arguments and then later i deleted him from FB on which he emailed me and we fought on emails an then he was all sorry saying he dznt understand what he is doing and blah blah. Then one day he calls me saying that his health condition isnt good and he might not have a long life to live and that i shud promise to move on. After much arguments i gave up and decided to lets try the friends relation. It was fine for a while but then i realize it was more like a no strings attached relation rather than a friendship relation. It just made me more sad to see that he wants me in his life but he dznt want to make any commitment.So i decided to delete him from everywhere. after like a few days I signed in skype (As i hardly use it ) and i remb i hadnt deletd him from there. But there were two msgs from him one was a happy new year and the other well he had already deleted it so I dont know what he wrote. So its been 33 days since I contacted him. And I still love him and still miss him. I have kept my self occupied in work Gym and classes but he is still there and I can’t seem to hate him or get him out of my mind. I still hope he will realize and come back…otherwise I dunno what else to do!!

Amber

January 13, 2014 at 7:59 pm

any advice for me :/

iesha

January 11, 2014 at 6:11 pm

i waz in relationship wd a guy frm last 2 months he broke up with me jst coz he got his old gf bck.. but i really love him a lotz nd want him back coz in last 2 mnths everytym infact everysecond v wer used to b together .. he never left me alone 4 a while..but nw he got his old gf back wd whom he was in relation of 3 years plz tell me wat to do i want him back at any cost plz help me

admin

January 12, 2014 at 4:52 am

Well, are you going to do NC?
iesha

January 12, 2014 at 3:42 pm

yes ofcrs if it is gng to wrk ..

anon

January 11, 2014 at 6:01 am

Hey Chris,
I’ve been reading several of your posts for the ladt three days. I was dating a guy for about eleven months. Towards the end.of the relationship we spent every day together and practically lived together. He came to meet my family this New Years and it was a horrible visit. My family is a different breed altogether and quite opposite frim his own. We, my family, speak a different language and talk over each other. His family feels emotionally distant and different. long story shory, he wasn’t enjoying himself very much with my family. Everyone pulled in effort to make him.feel more comfortable but he wouldn’t budge. We, he and I, managed to have our day of rest from my family. We ended up fighting. He kept twisting my words and I began to reach my limit. I told him that I wanted him to have good time and to relax. I was his support for many things and he was mine. On New Year’s it seemed like he haf.also reached his.limit. He still had a couple of days before he had to leave. I broke up with him that day. It was so horrible. I look back and wish I hadn’t takem the time I had with him for granted.
I left him to a hotel. I haven’t talked to him since New Years. Every little notification I receive on my phone I always hope it’s from him. I’ve had my support net and I’m so glad I’ve had them around. I’ve had some terrible moments of.desperation with an overwhelming feeling of needing to get in contact with him. I haven’t yet.
We shared so many magnificent moments. We were going to share our lives together and said things that break my heart knowing I probably won’t have him in my life the same way. I believe I broke up with him for legitimate reasons, but yern so badly for the closure. perhaps a second attempt. I look back and can rationalize many aspects of our rough and wonderful moments, especially the sour aftertaste I probably left him and the hotel. He might be in the stubborn or confused category. At any rate, I know that hurt him a lot with the break up. No one ever plans to break up in such circumstances. I never did. If I’m being honest with myself, I do want to try again and really work on the issues thay came up during that last fight. Will he be the first to contact me? How can possibly know if he wants the same thing I do?

admin

January 12, 2014 at 4:50 am

CAn I ask you a question. Would you be ok if he were to not contact you first and you were the one that would have to reach out to him?

Lola

January 10, 2014 at 2:06 am

My boyfriend and I just called a “time off” will the NC rule still help us? Even if there’s a chance he might come back before the 30 days?

admin

January 11, 2014 at 1:24 am

Yes I think it can.

Brielle

January 10, 2014 at 12:02 am

Hi! Question: I met a guy at school who I really like, and he *seems* interested too (key word is “seems”)–in person, at least. He’s hugged me, he touches me, stares at me, and teases me to get my attention. Problem is, I’ve had to initiate the majority of the texting (when I do text, he asks questions and keeps the conversation going). Haven’t texted in a few weeks because I don’t want to come off as desperate/needy (we’re on break from school now anyway). My questions are, does he seem interested to you, or is it all in my mind? And will the NC rule work in this situation? It’s been a couple of weeks so far. Basically I want him to initiate because it will be a good indicator to me if he’s interested or not and if I should pursue this anymore.
Bay

January 9, 2014 at 12:35 pm

Hello! My boyfriend broke up with me almost a week ago due to “feelings changing” telling me it want me it was him, that there was no one else, there was nothing I did wrong, no single event that changed everything for him, feelings just changed. Initially he said it might have been from him being so busy and being on the road so much, he went on two vacations back to back for the holidays resulting in me not seeing him for around three weeks. First time I saw him was him coming over to talk and subsequently end things. This is very sudden. There’s been virtually no arguments and ones we did have were playful apart from a disagreement regarding him not seeing me at all during the holidays to which we both apologized for, he insisted things were still good between us, and I swear hung up with “I love you bye” which he’s never done.

Anyways I have started the no contact rule. However I fear he may not try to contact me at all. I noticed you mentioned it could still work, but I think he falls int the clueless category. Our breakup was very tame, no yelling or arguing just talking, and I think he won’t think there’s an issue or a problem. Does that make sense?

admin

January 10, 2014 at 1:41 am

Feelings changing huh…

I always hate that one.

I think you are right to start the NC rule.

Pam

January 9, 2014 at 10:02 am

Hi Chris i am grateful to have found your article and i trust that everything u have said here will be helpful…well i met a guy 2 months back and everything has been going well ever since we met, we went out on a few dates and He was showing much interest in me, He was even talking future with me, like filling me in on every detail of what`s going on in His life. and then during christmas holidays i visited my family to my home town for about a week and He was sad that i was leaving and that He was looking foward into seeing me when i come back, well when i was at home we still kept in touch up until i came back from the holidays. just a day after i came back He just stopped taking my calls altogether, He doesn`t respond to my sms`s nothing at all, i called Him for the whole weekend and He just wouldn`t talk talk to me….i really don`t know what to make of this as the relationship seemed to be going so well, and the fact that He was looking foward in seeing me and then suddenly disappear.

do you think the NC will still work even though i don`t know what caused Him to start ignoring me, i haven`t called Him for about 4 days now, and i still haven`t heard anything 4rm Him.

admin

January 10, 2014 at 1:35 am

I think it can yes.

Shannon

January 9, 2014 at 8:49 am

Hello Chris

My boyfriend of three years broke up with me a couple of days before Christmas.
He told me he was still attracted to me and loved me but not the way he should. He said that he didn’t feel we had the emotional connection any more.
He agreed that we hadn’t made time for each other and to keep that ‘friendship’ but he didn’t want to try.
He told me he would like to remain friends especially since we have the same group of friends, we went to high school together and have kept the same friendship circle.
We went to New Years Eve fireworks together and everything was normal. He flirted and we had fun, kinda like we were still together.
It has been a week since I last spoke to him. I am implementing the NC rule.
What I would like to ask is… how do you go about NC when we have the same friends so we will be going to things together and we have agreed to stay friends.
I want him to realise that he loves me and that establishing the ‘friendship’ could solve everything.
Any advice would be appreciated:)

admin

January 10, 2014 at 1:31 am

Gosh… these boyfriends they break up with everyone around the holidays. It makes no sense to me. Christmas is awesome when you have someone.

You can still go NC and if you do happen to run into him just be as classy as possible.
..

January 15, 2014 at 12:01 pm

Hi again.
So like I said earlier my ex is in the same friendship circle and I do a lot of the organising for our group. The other day I was planning things and invited him. He asked some questions to which I answered regarding the outing. In a following question he also asked how I was… I couldn’t ignore it without seeming obvious as I had replied to the other questions. He seemed interested in what I had been doing and texted me a couple of times. I left time between replying and I ended the conversation as I had to go out that afternoon before meeting friends (including him that night). During the night my friends said that they thought it was weird he wouldnt stop looking at me, this being on top of last outing when he was flirty. During the night I hurt my back and ended up needing to be taken to hospital. He drove me and other friends met us at the hospital as did my mother. Long story short my friends left but he stayed until 3.30am with my mother and I even telling my mum that she could go home and he would stay with me. During the night he talked to me fine, made more of an effort talking with my mum than he ever has.
What I dont understand is why he is giving soo many mixed signals… Flirting, looking at me, staying at the hospital with me, making an effort with parents when he hasnt before.

Kristy ODriscoll

January 8, 2014 at 2:34 am

We broke up two weeks ago, but drove him crazy with non stop texts, emails, and Facebook stalking for a week and a half. I have had no contact for four days but found out from a friend he has a new gf as of today. Can NC still work for me at this point?

admin

January 8, 2014 at 6:24 pm

Of course.

Elaine

January 8, 2014 at 1:14 am

Hi Chris,
I was in a 2 years relationship with that guy, actually engaged and we were to get married in October this year. But last year around September all went wrong, we kept arguing and he was finding faults at every opportunity. He broke up with me, we kept arguing even after the breakup. He then found out he had 2 aneurysms in his brain, he contacted me to let me know. I felt sad & sorry so I was there for him and supported him. We were even having sex during that time. He is quite arrogant with me, make as if he doesn’t need me. I found out 2 days before his surgery that he’s been seeing someone, My instinct was telling there’s something wrong so I checked his phone, and saw on the messages between them. I was so upset, devastated that I’ve been a fool praying & supporting him. I texted him and told him how he played me etc and wished him luck with her & his surgery. He was upset saying he’s appalled by my lack of trust, & disrespect. Also I’ve issues, he’s not well and I spied on his phone, that I’ve just confirmed he made the right decision to break up with me. I didn’t reply, I left it on that, I didn’t see the point of getting into an argument. Since then I haven’t contacted him, even the night before his surgery and I’ve decided not to do it even after the surgery. Can the NCR still works after all this drama & him seeing someone else? A reply will be greatly appreciated. Thanks. Elaine

admin

January 8, 2014 at 6:22 pm

Yes it can but there is more to it than the NC rule.

Enigma

January 7, 2014 at 9:20 pm

My ex left recently from our 4 month relationship i spent the day yesterday crying texting calling and facebooking him. I found your atricles today and I’m wondering if it’s too late for this to work.

admin

January 8, 2014 at 6:17 pm

I don’t think its too late.

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6,804 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”