Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
Do Avoidants Open Up Emotionally?
How Secure People React To Avoidants
How To Know If An Avoidant Is Using You
Signs An Avoidant Will Come Back After Losing You
Why Avoidants Don’t Want Relationships
Do Avoidants Fight For A Relationship?
An Avoidant Will Feel Instant Regret If You Do This
Signs An Avoidant Is Hiding Deep Feelings For You
Why Avoidants Say Things That Don’t Make Sense
The Weird Things Avoidants Do When They Like You
Post categories
Monique
January 2, 2014 at 4:48 pm
I dated this guy for quite some time. We started hanging out in Jan of 2011. Were both military so 9months of our relationship was in Afghanistan apart (stressful). Well we broke up in august 2013 but we were still hanging out either by our selves or with mutual friends, Occassionally still fcking lol (ik that’s where I fckd up) well he moved to another duty station this December and right before he did that he started talking to this girl.I wasn’t even mad honestly. Ok but only a little. I didn’t get mad until I found out I was actually being transferred to the same duty station and I reconfessed my love to him and he told me he wanted to try us again but he didnt want to miss his chance on something good he can possibly have with this new girl. Some girl that he just met maybe like a month ago now in a different state so the relationship is long distance. I told him ok that’s it’s nothing personal but there is no need for us to talk or communicate bc I can’t watch him be with someone else and when I come up there I want to start over with someone New bc long story short ik if we’re where still friends we would be acting like we’re in a relationship and I would never get over “us” .well is like he didn’t care he still hit me up for the holidays. He requested me to play the game “words with friends” with him. I think he got mad bc when he finally realized I blocked him from all my social media sites (which I told him I would do) so one day he made his page private when ik he was big on “what’s the point on having private pages”. Oh and him and that girl broke up btw. I don’t know it’s like what’s his deal. What does he want from me. and why can’t yall men express yall selves. Ik my presence gone is obvious bc I stopped communication cold turkey . Am I overthinking it? Does he miss me. Like what do y’all males be thinking in a situation like this? Obviously i still miss him and love his ass but I couldn’t allow myself to be a second option.
admin
January 2, 2014 at 6:47 pm
Hahaha “love his a**” that made me laugh.
I am sure he misses you but don’t make yourself too available for him?
Tara
January 1, 2014 at 10:33 pm
Hello,
I love your site as I’ve recently been searching for answers or insight into my current situation. I’ve been dating a guy who is 33yrs old and lives with his mother. Now, the reason he lives with his parents is bc about 5yrs ago he was in a terrible accident and suffered a traumatic brain injury (TBI). He was in a coma for like a month and a half and had to learn to walk and talk again. His mother is extremely over protective of him (which I feel had delayed him slightly in maturing for a real relationship. He was sweet to me when we were with each other, but when we are apart it’s like I don’t exist sometimes. He also doesn’t own a car and has to borrow his mother’s in order to go places and do things. Now, he did go back to school and graduated on 12/14/13. It was a big deal since he did go back after the trauma. At one point he had talked to me about going to the graduation, but the week of he said nothing to me about it. As finals drew closer he became more and more distant. I did question him about it like 2 times and each time he just insisted that he was stressed about his situation and trying to graduate. I went anyway with another girlfriend of mine. Honestly, I wanted to see if he’d have another girl there. After the ceremony, I met up with him. He greeted me warmly and there was NOT another girl there. He immediately went into apologizing for basically ignoring me and neglecting me for the last month before graduation. I get that school is hard and can’t imagine doing it with a TBI. I have a degree in Sports Medicine so I know it’s no walk in the park. Anyway, he proceeded to make plans to see me later that night. I asked if he were sure. He insisted that he wanted to get together bc we hadn’t been able to in a month. He stood there and looked me in my eyes and promised me. I said ok. That night, I got no phone call or text. He did upload a pic Instagram of a simple gift his father gave him for graduation. I waited until the next day and sent him a message on FB simply saying “What happened?” to which he replied “HEY!!!” I looked at it in confusion as that is not an answer to a question. I sent him a more detailed message saying “What happened to you Saturday? I thought you wanted to get together. Just wondering bc I kind of had to rearrange my day when you made the plan.” He didn’t respond. I sent him another message when I got frustrated and said “You didn’t even have to spend money if that was the issue. A simple “I can’t make it” would have been appreciated. It’s worse that it was your plan,not mine.At the end of the day EVERYONE wants to be respected.” He read it but didn’t respond!!! Rude! I haven’t messaged him since then and he hasn’t messaged me. I had already deleted him on FB and Instagram bc it drives me insane to see him liking pics and stuff but not responding to me. I did it for my emotional health. Should I just continue the No contact or say something else to him? The reason I mentioned the money in the last message was bc he was always bringing it up and saying how he wanted to do this or that for me when he graduates and finds a job. I don’t know….I really are for him and sometimes don’t know if it’s the TBI or if he’s just a jerk……or if he’s feeling like less than a man bc of his financial situation. We had that talk before where he said he didn’t feel he was contributing to the relationship and I told him that money or the lack of it doesn’t define your character. Eh…..should I just do no contact to allow him time to get to where he feels more like the “head” that he talks so much about. Sorry this is so long…lol
admin
January 2, 2014 at 6:26 pm
Thanks for the kind words about my site.
Have you started the NC yet?
Tara
January 3, 2014 at 4:39 pm
Yes,My last message to him was 12/23/13.
Tara
January 4, 2014 at 5:34 am
Oh, and not to mention that he had already asked me how I felt about kids and told me that he thinks I’d make a great mother. He talked a lot about wanting to be a father and how a man needs his own space/home. I guess I don’t understand why in the world he would do all of this then disappear on me. I wasn’t the one pushing the relationship. In fact, he asked ME to be his GF. Eh….(sigh). I don’t get men….lol
Lena
January 1, 2014 at 9:13 am
I have a crush on a guy. We have been talking for around 4 months.
In the beginning he was the one always the one to start the conversation. But now most of the time its me who start it.
I don’t want to look like a clingy girl. I wanted to know if the no contact rule will work in my case.
Sindy
December 31, 2013 at 9:41 pm
Hi,
My case is slighty different. He lives 3hrs away from me so we take turns in flying out. We were on vacation together and had a fight which led to him breaking up. Stupid of him! Well when I returned to my state I sent him a text thanking him for everything during the vacation. He replied saying “you welcome.” Later on he text me to say he had arrived to his place safely.
After that day, I decided to text him to talk. He sounded calm and responded quickly. I asked him if he wanted to work things out, he said “I don’t know”. I asked him if he still cared about me, he said nothing. I said ok, I’ll let him be. He replied “yea”. So I went into the NC rule. It has been 4 days since I spoke to him. I avoided Facebook so he won’t even see if I logged in or not. Meanwhile he keeps liking my photos on instagram. I just went out of the radar. I believe in the NC rule because it has worked with my ex and when he came back, I was no longer interested.
My question is, do you think this will work for my situation being that we don’t see often and we’ve only dated for 1 month? He told me he loves me and that our vacation was the best he ever had. I’m pretty strong emotionally but just wondering. Thanks!
miss bee
December 31, 2013 at 1:23 am
Hi
Was with ex for about 6 months and then he said he was going back to his ex girlfriend and that he didn’t think I was into him. I was upset but said I wouldn’t begrudge him happiness.
He’s been initiating contact every week since then (about 6 weeks now) and just a couple days ago he said he still misses me and that he loves me. I said I felt the same way. But, he is still with this girl. he’s afraid to come and see me because he says he won’t be able to control himself. What do I do? Why did he tell me this if he’s still with her?Do I implement NC rule? And if he makes contact am I ignoring him completely or just being polite? Please help, I’m heartbroken….
admin
January 1, 2014 at 10:50 pm
Yes I think you should.
Kim
December 31, 2013 at 12:04 am
My ex boyfriend broke up with me recently 2 weeks before Christmas to be exact, and I feel just awful. We work together, not in close contact cause we work in different departments but I do have to see him and interact at times but only on weekends, he works full time during the week. I am 24 and he is 20, and our relationship lasted 2 and a half months. I’ll give you an overview of what exactly our relationship was like, a bit of a background.
We met in October I never noticed him at work before but we chatted here and there and I made the bold move to sit with him on break one day which was a big deal for me cause I’m quite shy and it went well, we got along. Next time he asked me to go on break with him, and I did, again everything went well. A few days later he asked me for my number and we started texting, he asked me out for coffee, we were really hitting it off, it seemed that way to me. When he drove me home he said he would love to take me to the fall fair, the next day and I agreed, maybe too eagerly. He texted me the next day and everything seemed fine until a few hours before he was suppossed to pick me up, he said something along the lines ” oh and bring $20 to get in, the tickets are around that much” my heart sank when I read that, I was so confused, thinking why would he get me to pay? Does he not care about making a good impression? is he cheap? Is this not really a date at all? What could have changed so quickly? I didn’t send an angry text back to him, I just swallowed my pride and accepted it, I knew in my heart I should have questioned him and not gone at all after he said that but I wanted to give him a chance and I really wanted to be dating him and possibly have a relationship, cause I’ve been lonely for so long and guys don’t ask me out despite being attractive, thin and an all around sweet girl, I have no luck with men. He was my first “boyfriend’.
I went out with him to the fair, he first took me back to his family’s home where he lives with his parents and 2 brothers, we all had dinner together and his other brother brought his girlfriend with him. A comment was made at dinner by his brother that we are bringing our “girlfriends” Kelven said “friend” when talking about me. I felt crushed, we all drove in the same truck to the fair and watched cars smash into one another, his brother bought himself and his girlfriend something to eat, and Kelven didn’t ask me if I wanted anything and didn’t offer at all, he did ask his brother for some of his fries and passed it back and forth in front of me. My stomach hurt at the end of the night from sitting in the cold for so long and cause my feelings were hurt so bad. The next day at work he didn’t make a point of speaking to me, and I decided to text him later to tell him how disappointed I was that he made me pay and called me his ‘friend”, maybe I should have left it at that and not spoke to him again cause I would have saved myself so much heartache.
I became needy and desperate I admit it, cause I wanted things to work out between us, not wanting to be alone any longer, so I kind of forced things a bit. I thought complimenting him and telling him I miss him would build attraction and closeness. I was wrong. He would ask me out at times, but I was doing most of the asking,in subtle ways, like ” when are we hanging out?” “when will I see you again?” He would go up North for work and sometimes have to cancel our plans and I would get upset. I shouldn’t have.I told him I hope he feels the same way about me that I feel about him and he said he did and asked would you like to be my girlfriend? I immediately said yes, and he said “it’s just a label”. I told him I liked him first and I kissed him first, which was probably a mistake. He would always take me back to his place and watch hockey together in his room and we would make out on his bed. I noticed a change in him after we slept together, it was my first time and he knew that. I picked the night we would be together and he thought it would be better if it was spontaneous, but I wanted to feel prepared, maybe that was a mistake picking a certain night. He was gentle and it was a good first time, I don’t regret it, but I should have waited longer. He said something like “don’t expect this all the time”. I didn’t know what he meant by that. On Sundays I would go to his hockey game and he would come back to my place and watch TV with my family, and he wouldn’t sit close to me, he was almost falling asleep, my father thought that was really rude of him but i didn’t think anything of it cause I figured he was tired. We only went out for dinner twice and to the movies a few times, and he never offered to buy me popcorn or anything, which upset me but I never said anything. When I was at his hockey games most times he would just go to get changed without kissing me goodbye or say see you later, which hurt, again I never said anything about it. The drive back home was kind of tense cause he never really said much and I tried to make conversation but he didn’t seem to want to talk.
I felt him become more and more distant, he wouldn’t text as much, and short responses, he invited me to go to his company Christmas party in November and he didn’t bring it up again after the first time he asked me to go, and then when it came time to go he didn’t take me, but we had sort of broken up at that point, cause he said things weren’t working out, and what led up to him saying that was me calling him and saying that I felt he didn’t like me as much as I liked him and I was upset he wouldn’t plan dates with me, he said he couldn’t afford it which is a lie, and he also said he was too tired to come get me after work which may be true but wouldn’t he want to see me no matter what if he really like me?I told him it was important to plan dates with me cause I can’t ask you to hang out all the time, I said it made me feel special and he said he shouldn’t have to do that to make me feel special.
I told him I only have you and I want us to be really close, cause I know couples who do everything together and I want us to be like that. He told me how much his friends mean to him and he said I should be more independent and stop relying on him so much.I agree but I explained to him that I have a hard time with making friends cause I’m shy and people have hurt me, he was not sympathetic at all and said it’s unfortunate your not a people person. He said who cares if you get hurt, just take chances. he broke up with me officially over a text after i asked him if we were done and if he wanted to work things out, he said ” to get to the point yes we are done” I then told him I regreted seeing him and that our second date should have been it. He said i shouldn’t regret anything in life, and just hold onto the good memories and get rid of the bad. I didn’t respond, until 3 days later after I cooled off. i texted him saying there were some good times like the ride he took me for on his ATV and I’m glad I got to do that with him. The message was sent but not delivered or read. Haven’t heard from him since it’s been a week and a half.
I’m torn because I like him even though he didn’t treat me the best and I want him to want me back, which probably doesn’t make sense but i can’t stop thinking about him, it’s so painful.The next time I saw him at work was after our breakup, he spoke to me first and said “hey how’s it going?” and then later smiled when he passed by me, and again the next day he spoke first and some other exchanges, I’m not talking to him about what happened anymore unless he brings it up and I’m not going to contact him at all
What are you thoughts on all this? what should i do to get him back? How should i act around him at work?just keep being friendly? what should I say? will he want me back? and can it be differnt if we were together again?”
admin
January 1, 2014 at 10:48 pm
Can I ask you a question?
Do you see a happy future with this guy?
Kim
January 2, 2014 at 12:41 am
Well, somewhat. I know I should just let go because his interest wasn’t at the same level as mine. I feel like what drove him away was my neediness and desperation, I really care about him and miss him terribly.
what do you think?
Amanda
January 4, 2014 at 11:49 am
Do NOT let an ice cold – emotionally UN-available man make you feel like YOU are “needy”, “desperate” or otherwise “the problem”… I think if you continue to pursue this guy, he’s going to continue to damage your self-worth till you really are needy and desperate…
Kim
February 7, 2014 at 5:03 pm
yeah I know what your saying is right but it’s so hard to move on especially when I have to see him and I feel so alone, it’s been painful, this is my first time going through something like this so I feel broken like I’m lost with no direction. The thought of starting over is unbearable, I just don’t know how I’ll get through this.
Ellie
December 30, 2013 at 10:22 am
Hi Chris,
I’m finding your website really helpful, thanks!! i just broke up with my ex a few weeks back, we had an on-off-on relationship for 3 years, plagued with “committment issues” on his side which ended when he lied to me about visiting his mother when he turned out to be on holiday in Africa with his ex Girlfriend! and probably a whole load of other lies that i have no idea about.
I have been in no contact for 2 weeks now, but am worried about next week when i go back to work as unfortunately we work for the same company and even sit on the same floor. I have to work with him a little bit but can avoid him a large extent. Do you have any tips for maintaining NC in that situation but also staying professional? in the past when we were ‘off’ he behaves himself in the office for a few weeks then gradually starts to walk around near my desk looking sorry for himself (which worked), so i am naturally worried about falling back into this again.
I’ve found the NC really hard as he hasn’t been in touch once over the holiday period and literally cannot stop thinking about this guy and wondering if he is back with his ‘ex’ or not.
thanks,
Rachel
December 29, 2013 at 4:59 pm
So Chris, 1 month on from the most horrible break-up I’ve ever had. I just want to say a BIG thank you for your page it’s helped me no end. So update. I did start NC and did about 2 weeks… I totally agree with the 30 days but my lovely grandma said because we never had ‘the chat’ to keep communication and be please to but cool… I’ve not initiated the contact it has always been him. I’ve given him very short answers etc.
I’ve been going out with girlfriends, applying for jobs and have now got my life moving in the right direction. He has been txting friends who I went out asking if I was ok. Wishing me good nights out, which I’ve not responded too.
Christmas Day was the best, as he was meant to be having it with my family. He sent me a picture on snapchat of bacon and bread saying Christmas dinner for one. Then messaged me wishing me a happy Christmas. I said thanks very much and send bet wishes. He followed up ‘hope you got everything you wanted’
Following day he asked for my address as he apparently got me a gift after our trip to NYC. I didn’t give it to him… Then the following day he said that he had got the address and would post it in the new year. I didn’t respond then he said he missed me.
I said to him I had a good Christmas and yep he was missed. It was a short positive conversation asking me what I was soon NYe. Then he has messaged me loads today. Asking about my work, saying I was more happier and that he was proud of me. I found it strange that he then said.
“If your happy, I’m happy”I said yeah and then got this “?” I left it and then he asked me about what work I was going for. I remaind totally positive saying I was really happy etc. I then used your jealousy txt tact saying
“Right gtg, off out in Manchester with a friend”
He replied “hope you both have a good night, speak soon x” he was putting x on a lot of te txt so was putting smiley faces. I did suggest we meet up for a coffee in the new year and he agreed. I said well let me know when and left it at that. Ps- he also apologised for not thanking me for the letter and that was very unkind of him.
I’m really trying to play it cool, I just hope I’m
Not being friend zoned, to a certain extent. I’m putting positive things on fb and loads of other things. He has stopped posting things so much and now what can you recommend a little be of guidance would be greats. Thanks buddy for writing such a supportive blog for us women out there:))
Rachel
December 30, 2013 at 10:57 am
Aother update…. He txt me at 11:40 last night asking where we could go for that coffee… I didn’t see it until this morning.. Left it a few hours and then responded saying half way….
He then answered asking how was Manchester and who was I with!!
Your philosophy works… I just said some old school friends.. To which he replied “oh cool”! Didn’t txt back!
Still a lot of work to do… But I’m feeling much more empowered and regardless of the out come of all of this I know I’m going to be ok 🙂
Heather
January 1, 2014 at 2:46 pm
Wow, you are doing it like a champ. Good for you; I want to take a page out of your book.
Rachel
January 2, 2014 at 5:58 pm
Ok so I’m with him right now. We have had a bit of convo and he said that in a couple of months once he feels settled in but at the same time I’m thinking why should I hang around
Jenni
December 29, 2013 at 9:04 am
My boyfriend dumped me 5 months ago and I didnt know about the NC rule till now. I’ve been trying to convince him to get back for the past five months. Now what can I do? Will NC work if I start it now?
Jenni
January 2, 2014 at 10:56 am
My boyfriend dumped me 5 months ago and I didnt know about the NC rule till now. I’ve been trying to convince him to get back for the past five months. Now what can I do? Will NC work if I start it now?
Please help me with ur idea
admin
January 2, 2014 at 6:41 pm
When was the last time you actually talked to him?
Shiela
December 29, 2013 at 12:50 am
Hi Chris. I broke up the no contact rule after 4 days that I’m not contacting him. Did I ruin my chance of getting him back?
admin
December 29, 2013 at 6:53 pm
Well yes but you can still finish out a NC period if you start over.
Melissa
December 27, 2013 at 2:59 pm
Hello Chris,
I posted on here like last week and I literally check this site every day because it is the only thing that gives me the slightest hope of my ex coming back.
I started the NCR last week but broke it after 3 days by sending my ex a 4 page letter. I went back into NCR the day after for 2 days before he texted me asking me about the Christmas gift exchange we were suppose to do (his mom bought me some gifts also) I obviously broke it and was being cold with him which resulted in him thinking “I was in a bad mood”.. so I called him and we spoke for an hour and I practically begged for him back (he started dating someone a week after breaking up with me – though they were talking a week before breaking up with me)
I became a text gnat after we hung up and he OBVIOUSLY ended up getting very upset with me and said things he loves me but “only as a person” and i need to move on… I didn’t want to start NCR again with him upset with me so I apologized prefusely and begged him not to completely cut me out of his life & he promised not to.
But… the night before he texted me about the Christmas gifts he asked my best friend how I was doing & she told him I was working on moving on and doing significantly well given the circumstances (we were together for 5 years and 2 weeks before breaking up with me he was looking at engagements rings with my friend)
ANYWAYS… I started the NCR right after he apologized for breaking my heart. I had removed him from my friends list after he decided to make things official with this girl.. but I didn’t block him and he promised me he wouldn’t block me from facebook.
I haven’t contacted him in 3 days and I’ve stayed clear from his facebook except for on Christmas day. I’ve been posting statuses and pictures on Facebook to make it seem like I’ve been good and having a great time…. We have many mutual friends on Facebook too. He ended up blocking me? I have no clue why.
Yesterday he was out with mutual friends and asked how I was doing once again and my friend told him about my plans of accepting a job in a city that is 8 hours away to completely start new because I knew for a fact he was done now.
He supposedly looked upset and replied “I never told her I was done” though he did… many times when he was angry with me. He told me to move on.
All of this is probably REALLY confusing and I am so sorry but I have no clue why he blocked me and is telling our friends he never said he was completely done.
He’s been dating this girl for 2 weeks now and they started talking a week before he broke up with me. She lives 8 hours away and is still in high school… I feel like he wants me there just in case it doesn’t work with this girl though he admitted many times he’s not emotionally stable nor is he happy with his life right now.
I am so confused and once again SO sorry for this being so long.
What do YOU think??
Thank you for reading this.
Sindy
December 31, 2013 at 9:53 pm
Hi,
Your story sounded familiar to my friend’s. Anyway, 5 yrs of your life is no joke. From what I read, it sounds like he’s confused with his decision. He wants you but doesn’t know whether to continue or not. Men are weird like that. But like the admin said, just brush him off your mind and focus on NC rule. If he knows your friends, stop telling them your moves from now on. This NC rule should follow with your friends too. If your friends doesn’t know what you are up to, and he doesn’t, he will panic and want to contact you. Your friends are like his ears and eyes right now and he feels better knowing you are “trying to move on” from them.
You can do this, be strong and move on. Take that job and go. You never know what’s waiting for you over there or who is. If he misses you, he will find you. Just ignore him. if he contacts you, be nice and keep it short by saying “oh I gotta go now. Meeting someone in a few…” no details. He will get it. Good luck!
admin
December 27, 2013 at 7:48 pm
Glad you are doing the NC rule…. but not cool that you broke it.
Melissa
December 27, 2013 at 8:40 pm
I haven’t spoken to him in 4 days and I’m not planning on breaking it again..
I’m just wondering why he’d tell my friend he wasn’t done with me when he told me he was multiple times and why he’d block me off of Facebook?
Gahhhh boys are so confusing.
admin
December 28, 2013 at 7:10 pm
It is actually pretty normal after a breakup to block you on Facebook. Doubt itll last forever if you play your cards right.
reeeemaz
December 27, 2013 at 1:58 pm
My bf and I didnt contact from 1 month, he said that I am bothering him.. bla bla bla, he got angry then he stop contacting me, now I follow the 30 days no contact, I wrot a sms to him telling him that I found a job and I just want to tell you that.. what do you thing his reaction will be? By the way, he is very rude with me, he is the one who left me, he was shouting at me, hurting me .. but still in love with him.. plz help me
admin
December 27, 2013 at 7:48 pm
Have you read my guide on the male mind during NC?
Lyn
December 27, 2013 at 12:32 pm
Broke NC on day 17.. Mom invited ex over CHristmas and he came. He was sweet the whole night and the day after we were strangers again! Wished i didnt broke it! :((
admin
December 27, 2013 at 7:44 pm
Me neither..
Lyn
December 28, 2013 at 5:15 am
Thanks Chris! I was doing great on NC .. Im going to tell my mom that im on NC to prevent this from happening in the new year celebration 🙂
Lyn
December 27, 2013 at 12:52 pm
Was that my fault? Should i start all over again from day 1?
admin
December 27, 2013 at 7:44 pm
Hmm… I have to say yes.
Lou
December 26, 2013 at 7:19 pm
Hi Chris, me and my boyfriend of 2 years broke up roughly 20 days ago… Unfortunately I didn’t read your site in time , and made a fair few mistakes before I realised I should have implemented the NC rule…
It’s been a really rough few weeks, after making huge mistake of pleading and begging only to be told he wants to be alone, doesn’t want to try and doesn’t think anything will change. ( it’s been a rough year for me and I became a person I didn’t like, no fun, complacent etc) wasn’t his fault he was amazingly supportive and put me before himself… I just lost my way and it took its toll on our relationship. Any how we lived together, I moved into my parents but left the majority of my stuff at the flat we shared.. It is his flat and he hasn’t asked me to get my stuff or return keys. He doesn’t initiate contact with me, except on Xmas day. He hasn’t blocked me from any social networking. I still have a lot of hope that with the NC I can turn this situation around… I guess what I really want to know is.. If he does contact me to get my stuff I’m going to have to respond right? But if he doesn’t ask me to get my stuff would that mean that he’s not ready to let go yet?
Help pls… Thank u in advance Chris
admin
December 27, 2013 at 6:54 pm
No I wouldn’t say that. It may just mean he is lazy to do it but I still think that you have a shot.
Brianna
December 26, 2013 at 5:03 pm
1st I want to say I love you for this website!! Every time I have a down day I read your guides & Ebook and they make me feel better. My ex broke up w/ me a little over 2 weeks ago.. I think I handled it somewhat good. I did do the begging but only the day after the breakup and have been in NC since. (15 days now) He only text once after a week of NC to ask if my friend is ok after she got in a accident. I ignored him and he deleted me from all social networking. I still look at his facebook and noticed a specific girl that he comments back and forth with..They like all each others pictures and comment on them. They are not boyfriend and girlfriend but it looks like its heading there.. I expected when we broke up he would go be single and talk to a bunch of girls, I can handle that, but it looks like she is the only one he is focused on and that is what’s getting to me. In your experience can a guy genuinely like a girl and forget his ex in such a short amount of time? I expected him to reach out more then once and he hasn’t.. and I don’t know if I have the guts to reach out after the 30 days because if he has feelings for someone else I’m scared he will ignore me..
So exhausted
December 26, 2013 at 2:35 am
So we were together for two years. One was long distance because he went on deployment (was a marine). We broke up in late september. For THREE MONTHS we have been doing drama, sex, not talking for a few days, fighting, friends again, just so much drama. So last night i finally decided that since it had been three months since we broke up what were doing now definitely isnt going to get us back together. My question is..is this bad timing? I ignored him last night, today (CHRISTMAS!!!) was the first day. Hes already called me four times, left me two voice mails, and texted me twice. So this is day one. Anyway, i know this is a good idea. Because right now im starting to get over it too. We need time to miss each other. But is it “being an asshole” like you said to ignore him even when HES being a text terrorist? which is really really really knew, ive been obsessed pathetic and begging to get back together the past three months. So again main question: 30 days no matter what he says unless he says he wants to get back together? even if he texts sayng hes really sorry and loves me or if he wants to see me?
Hes been romantic and said things that made me think he wanted to get back together and then acted like a distant jerk the next week like a hundred times throughout this three month breakup. So i need to be REALLY sure hes back before we start talking again.
-mentally exhausted from these three months
Leighanne
December 25, 2013 at 8:47 pm
Hi,
I just came across your site and am learning alot, but not sure if my situation is salvageable.
I’ve been dating a guy for almost 5 months (never officially labeled it, but were very much together and never felt the need to approach the talk…) Well, everything was great, perfect I thought, when two Weeks ago he started pulling away. He denyed anything was wrong, I begged until he told me that he’s been talking to someone new and needed time to think. I did everything wrong at this point; became way too emotional, a text gnat, and just freaked out. I thought we were great, so I was blindsighted. He ignored me for days before he officially ended it. I then texted more and yes, he ignored and I look desperate.
do you think I should bother trying NC or just let him go? I feel like I pushed him away so bad it may not be worth it. I mean, does NC work on someone ignoring me?. But I miss him so much and its horrible.
Thank you.
admin
December 26, 2013 at 6:11 pm
I think you should.
Why?
Because your situation is salvagable.
Leighanne
December 26, 2013 at 9:13 pm
Thank you so much for responding. I’m glad to hear you think I still have a shot.
Another question: do you think I should text something now to let him know I’ve calmed down and than go into NC? Reason being, I feel like I pushed him to go forward with this new girl and am worried that after a month of NC he’ll be serious about her…
admin
December 27, 2013 at 7:05 pm
Nope I would just stay in NC.
Leighanne
December 28, 2013 at 1:50 am
Ok, I will do that. It’s tough, but at this point I’m willing to do anything to increase my chances with him.
He’s not on any social media sites, we have no common friends…I just worry it’ll be ”out of site, out of mind”. Does this really reduce my chance at getting back with him? I’m worried he never thinks of me…
admin
December 28, 2013 at 7:43 pm
I am sure he thinks about you.
Leighanne
December 29, 2013 at 4:35 am
Sorry to bug you again, but my biggest fear is he won’t contact me during NC…does that decrease my chances with him??
admin
December 29, 2013 at 7:00 pm
Face your fear.. it could happen but its not big deal if he doesn’t.
Leighanne
December 29, 2013 at 10:02 pm
You’re right. Thank you. & thank you for this site…I’ve been on them all this week & yours is by far the best! Every time I get an urge to text him, I come here to remind myself why that’s not a good thing. So far it’s working!
Leighanne
January 1, 2014 at 8:14 pm
Hi again, so, the last couple days I have had my feelings switch from sadness to anger…I have all I can do to not break contact just to tell him off for how he treated me. I don’t know if it’s normal, or just a sign I need to be done? If I tell him off, I know it’s 100% done. Any advice? Should I wait out out or just move on?
admin
December 30, 2013 at 8:20 pm
I am glad you found some solace in the site!
james
December 25, 2013 at 8:03 pm
we get upset when we don’t answer the phone deliberately. it has happened a lot in our relationship. however this friday i asked him to call me back. 5 hours later he never did. i called him later on in the evening and he was playing that gaming system with his boy! he answered the phone and never acknowledged i was on the phone, constanting telling his boy what to do in the game. i hung up the phone and turned my music up to blast and i never heard him call my phone.he left on my vm that he would only call one more time. now he is ignoring me, or putting the NC in effect , i believe. he won’t answer my phone call at all. i used to get so emotional and upset during the 4 years when we were together every time he would do stunts like this for at least 3 days . now its been longer than 3 days and its right before the holidays , the first holiday since both of my parents have been deceased. should i do the 30 days NC to decide if i want to leave him or not?
admin
December 26, 2013 at 6:12 pm
Yup, do them.
Ana
December 25, 2013 at 7:47 pm
I want to implement NC but we work together and I don’t want other people in the office to notice any change. I can do my best to avoid him but it will be too noticeable if I totally ignore him when he casually speaks to me or miss the lunch with the colleagues when he goes, too.
admin
December 26, 2013 at 6:11 pm
Looks like limited contact is what you are going to have to do.
Ana
December 29, 2013 at 9:03 am
Chris,
I’ve tried to explain my situation in the previous comment.
What I want to ask is:
1) Is it a good idea to take him out to talk now, about six months since he dumped me? I mean, to talk about what his real reasons were… Or should I complete the NC first? Or maybe it’s no use talking about that – what do you think?
2) How do men consider that the relationship is serious? Where do two months of dating belong? Do you think I have a chance at all?
Thank you.
Ana
December 27, 2013 at 11:14 am
Thank you.
I am trying to limit contact as much as possible.
We only dated two months and then he began ignoring me. I asked what was going on and he told me he wanted less emotional attachment and less contact. It was a blow because just a week earlier he’d call me his “darling” and “sweetheart”. He told me he had felt like lying to me because he hadn’t felt so deeply for me as I for him (though I never declared my love). I think I really was a bit clingy and needy sometimes but I was ready to improve myself.
Then we met to talk and he told me it was not about me, it was about him.
Now, about six months later, he got a new gf – it looks serious because he’s planning to be with her on the new year night. She’s surely not a rebound. Some time ago he’d flirt with me a little, send me cute pics etc. Contact was mostly initiated by him. First I thought he wanted to become closer again but then I saw some change about him and I felt he had someone new. Then I heard it was true about the new gf. It also seemed like he didn’t want me to know. Maybe to protect my feelings, out of sympathy? Or not being sure that this new relationship is serious and wanting to keep me close, just in case? So I’ve decided to do NC.
However, it trobles me that we were lovers for a very short time (two months, as mentioned above) and much more time has passed since then. It might have not been serious for him. I guess it makes my chances even lower, doesn’t it?
I love him and I am sure he can become happier with me than off alone or with another. I want his eyes to shine again.
John
December 25, 2013 at 6:31 pm
During the 30 days should I block her from my Facebook
admin
December 26, 2013 at 6:08 pm
You can if you want but I wouldn’t