1,163 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)”

1. 

   Stephen Mills

   November 14, 2018 at 12:25 am

   My wife and I have been together 27 years (nearly 25 married) we have had some tough times most recently in the past 3 months.
   She went overseas to visit friends and insisted we have NC for the entire 21 day period.
   She arrives home tonight at the conclusion of this time and I am wondering how to approach the “reunion”.
   Prior to her departure she said she wasnt sure what this time apart meant for us regardless of the fact she said she loves me.
   It has been extremely difficult during this time for me as “overthinking” I feel this was a way for her to just get over me/us and move on, can I have your thoughts on this please.

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   November 14, 2018 at 1:52 am

   Hi Stephen!

   NC can often be a way for you both to find some peace and perspective. There is a lot of traction with the two of you given 27 years together. Tap into my resources here at the site to help you thru this. Think little steps.

2. 

   Ashley

   November 1, 2018 at 9:27 am

   This guy & I weren’t in a relationship & only knew each other for a month & went out one time. I met him on a dating app really liked him & thought he liked me too, but as soon as he started texting me less & didn’t show me the attention he did before, I lashed out on him via text. Now he said she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. Will no contact work in this situation?

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   November 2, 2018 at 2:37 am

   Hi Ashley!

   I think so. It will help you and accomplish some other aims as well. I wrote a book on the topic, “The No Contact Rule Book”. I have a lot of resources on this site that can help you!

3. 

   Serena

   October 27, 2018 at 1:15 am

   Hey I was with my boyfriend for just under two years.

   We started fighting in the second year. I’m not headed and his stubborn.

   Start of September I broke up with him. He said some really mean things about me and my Mum. He kept coming around to my house and wouldn’t leave me alone. We had a massive fight. A week later (September 11) I went to Bali for 2.5 weeks. He was emailing me in the first week, asking how it was etc. I sent him just one email back (a very immature one at some points) saying:

   “Listen you need to stop messaging me. I don’t want to hear from you, I don’t want to see you, I don’t want anything to do with you anymore. I really mean that. I have moved on and so should you. This means no emails, no texting my family or rocking up to the front door, and if I do come back, you are not to come and see me or harass me in any way. I know you don’t care about anyone else but yourself… but I need you to stop emailing me. Apparently you have many girls who would like to hang out with you… so go contact them instead of me. Anyone but me. Thanks ”

   He replied saying “ok np”

   Abd then a week later sent another email about me sleeping with another guy saying “hahahahaha you fracked another guy. i’m glad your having a good time. this is wat u needed have fun”

   I was fine in bali. Relieved. Felt okay. About a week and a half after I got back (abit more than a month of breaking up) everything hit me. I really missed him… ALOT! I still do. (As of now… it’s been like two weeks of missing him)

   I emailed him etc and poured my heart out to him saying how much I miss and love him, how things would be different etc etc… I told him I won’t be that desperate ex but I would love another shot. He replied basically saying leave him alone, and that he has a gf and is happy now.

   We spoke another couple of times the next day (well me emailing him) and he kept bringing up his gf (which I imagine is a rebound, correct me if I’m wrong).

   It’s been a week of NC from my end…

   I’m wondering what he’s thinking etc.

   I miss him so much! This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I’m still going to the gym and working on myself… just eating a little more chocolate than usual lol.

   Any advice from your end?

   Why would he keep bringing up his gf? Is that an attempt to make me jealous or push me away further?

   Do you think NC rule will work in my case?

   I so appreciate the help!

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   October 28, 2018 at 4:48 am

   Hi Serena!

   I do think having a plan helps your case. Certainly he is yanking on your jealousy chain. NC can benefit you in many ways. Feel free to check out my site’s Home Page as I have a ton of resources.

4. 

   Please help

   October 20, 2018 at 11:16 pm

   After 40 days of NC I found out he’s got a new girlfriend…Our breakup happened so suddenly and for almost a year and a half he was consistently talking about how happy and sure he was about me, marriage, and engagement (he talked about this to me, my parents, everyone). After NC we’ve talked a couple times…his responses were needlessly rude and he told me how happy he is with this new girl…I lost him, didn’t I? I’m so utterly devastated and confused. What do I do?

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   October 22, 2018 at 4:03 am

   HI there!

   I am sorry your ex was rude. Take some time for yourself and focus on your own healing and recovery and reflect on whether a guy so rude deserves you.

5. 

   Sara

   October 6, 2018 at 4:39 am

   So I did about 40 days of NC, and sent him an initial text saying “guess what I saw!!” He responded to it, but almost a day later (he responded with “what”). I chose to talk about a game him and I used to play on my phone, Hogwarts Mystery (his was too old to support it and he seemed to enjoy playing it, and liked the fantastic beasts movie so I thought this was a decent topic). In response to his ‘what’, about four or five hours later I said something to the affect of there being a Niffler (a creature from the movies he liked) in the game and getting a bunch of random free energy. Something along the lines of /There was a FRIGGIN NIFFLER on the practice grounds!! Randomly got 99 energies too, so not sure if its related to Mr. Niffs, a major glitch, or updates compiling since I haven’t had time to play, but either way it was cool’. If he responded I planned on not answering after that one since there’s the whole ‘two texts on days one and two’ guideline…but he looked at my message and didn’t answer…What do I do? NC again? Did I send a bad text?

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   October 7, 2018 at 3:39 am

   Sara….do you have my 485 page book, “Pro” as it goes into next steps and so much more! You should not have to do another NC. Just pull back for 4-5 days and then another type of text message I suggest. I have lots of examples.

6. 

   Helena

   September 16, 2018 at 10:35 am

   Hello everyone,
   My bf and I were together for 2 years (both students, 26 y/o).
   First year was great, made plans, spent lots of tome together doing fun stuff, both had our own lives. But then our lives got busy and we startet to get complacent.
   Second year my dad got sick and died after months of suffering. I cut myself off from my friends, my bf was the only one to support me. He was very sweet and caring but I got naggy, clingy and angry a lot (not because of him, but because of how sad I was). So we had a huge fight couple months ago, but decided to make it work. He got really attentive and I really put effort into building my own life and not only depend on him. Letting him have time with his friends and so on. Showing him that I worked through the grief & was better
   Last month he went to visit his family for couple of weeks & we didnt really talk a lot meanwhile. When he came back, he brought me presents from home – then broke up saying he didnt see a future for us, that he liked spending time and wants to be friends but had thought about it A LOT and felt he could not share his feelings with me, always had to „act strong“ and not bd himself – so he couldnt be with me. I begged and pleaded (because I had dones so much to change, to improve myself) and sent him an apology for my behaviour in the past year couple days later. He answered quickly, but stated same problems. So couple days later I told him that I was sorry and never wanted him to feel unappreciated and like he couldnt open up. That I had done my best to make him feel good and am sorry that his decision seemed best for him.

   So.. Ive been in NC for a week but I feel like he wouldnt change his mind if he thought about it for weeks when he was with his family & didnt miss me then? Also why would he bring a gift to the breakup? And is it possible he couldnt see that I had improved myself in the months before breakup? I pretty much told him about all the changes im the texts post breakup, so will NC still work? Still working on improving myself btw 😉

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   September 17, 2018 at 4:16 am

   Hi Helena!

   I think you stick with the NC. Some guys can say and do things that don’t make sense. In time, it will become more evident what is to unfold in both of your lives. I am glad you are focusing on healing and reinforcing your value and becoming a better “you”.

7. 

   nanii

   September 12, 2018 at 4:20 am

   hi chris, should i start the no contact again from the beginning if i broke it after two week? i contacted him after knowing the he was talking to that girl who used to cause us troubles and he used her to make me reach out, but at the same time he had a horrible accident and i knew that from a mutual friend, now what is the best thing i can do? i ignored his last message two days ago should i continue ignoring him and not talking or what? we were in an on\off relationship

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   September 17, 2018 at 9:58 pm

   Perhaps just add another week and consider picking up my ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book” so you have a Companion Guide to help you thru this process.

8. 

   Jane

   September 8, 2018 at 9:21 pm

   Chris I wrote you recently and couldn’t find a reply. I am desperate for answers….i haven’t slept in days.last week I met my exs mother….(we were on and off for nearly 3 years ) in that time space he did really crap things in the relationship he had a lot of family grief as did I.the time sucked.he e fed up losing his job and moving home to his mother’s after alot of depression etc he suffered from.he treated me pretty bad and had cheated on me the 1st time we were together but came clean etc and we were back seeing eachother after he began to get his life back on track…he stopped smoking etc.i was really there for him and really good to him.however when we got back together (seen eachother ) I found it hard to forgive him….and forget the bad stuff…i then found out he had a fake online dating profile (not using his pictures) he said it was just to talk to ppl as he was so isolated and lonely.i was so annoyed.i finished things and walked out.he said he never wanted to speak to me again.this was in February.He blocked me from Facebook (I deleted him) and he blocked me…..he also blocked my number…..i text him maybe once or 2 times every few weeks….and I drunk text him etc…..telling him how i was….how I miss him…want him in my life….blah blah….no reply….(last year he had actually done this to me…i was seen someone for 2 months when we weren’t together ) and he had text me say….16 messages….i didn’t see them as I had him blocked.he eventually tracked me down and told me to “check my blocked messages and how to do this ” I didn’t know you could even check blocked messages…..anyway he had missed me…he had initiated h
   this 1st break up but text me lots of times….on my birthday and my brothers anniversary and everything…i couldn’t believe it….aftr all this we sorted things out (as i said until feb)…
   I have text how i feel….i sent a bday card in August.and got no response.in April i met his mother.she said he was much the same…deoressed etc. A week ago (about 3 weeks after puttin the bday card into his mail box) I meet his mother at the store….she ran over to me …has interfered before…i asked “hows everyone?” She said “everyone” ? I said well how is he??? “Oh he’s moved out!!! He’s moved out with his new girlfriend” she said…..now,
   I’m sorry but I find it so hard to believe that someone like him the way he was could’ve in this space…he hated staying anywhere else….his mother was fond of sticking a knife in me Any time we wronged eachother she would get involved….and she seemed a lil too enthusiastic…..i was devastated…..i text her and said “look I’m a bit upset.tell him I was asking for him”…..she replied.”he got a job and a girlfriend and got his life back” “you’ll meet someone you deserve” “be happy”…..i feel as though this wasn’t genuine……in such a short space of time…am I in denial???? Am I crazy…? She also said “I have him the card you sent on his birthday”.his mother did phone me (unknown to him) while we were arguing one time and made me feel really awful…..i don’t trust her….anyway he has me blocked….i have gotten unknown missed calls since the day after his birthday but no texts nothin.i did find out he got a job…but his profile pic on fb is unchanged and I haven’t heard anything else from anyone about a new partner.my head is truly mashed.i can’t eat or sleep.my question is…woukd a mother go to lengths like this to keep me away?? She said I was “good for him”….? And will no contact work on this situation ? Bevause he knows I have always been “there ” he has the comfort knowing i am a text gnat for the past 6 months….if i start no contact now will he notice my absence ???? Or is he lob3d up and just doesn’t care.i have told him where I am.i miss him love him etc……and how great we could be with him in a good place…..i felt as tho his mother was patronising.or is it a sad fact that maybe he is gone? And with somebody else.and forgotten me.could he be using the no contact on me??? Nd ignoring me like I did to him last year? To punish me? And if he showed me how to check blocked messages surely he has seen the ones i sent to him……thank you

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   September 9, 2018 at 5:12 am

   Hi Jane!

   So first off, feeling desperate about something is not a good place to be emotionally. Therefore, one thing that is important going forward is finding an emotional balance….focusing on healing and undertaking some recovery activities. One needs to be right in the head to make good decisions in the future. You have have asked a lot of questions…and they are all good questions, but it is impossible for me to answer all of them in this forum given my limited time. So I strongly encourage you to get up to speed with my ex recovery program. Pick up one of my comprehensive eBooks that can help you in many ways and serve as your guide.

9. 

   Robinn

   September 4, 2018 at 7:06 pm

   Hi there…
   My question is in regards to after the nc but applies to the nc.
   I have been through 30 days of not talking to him… And have started work on my rapport building. .. Even bought your book! Which is amazing by the way. But now I’m having a little trouble with my ex. We will be building great rapport for maybe a week… And then hell block me..on WhatsApp.. For like two or three days
   .. In which I simply leave him alone. Then after a while he’ll either message me or I will send him a text message to reopen a conversation with him. Do you have any information on mini-no contact periods? Like sometimes he tells me that I’m better off without him.. Cause he’s got a super low self esteem… I have re-evaluated my situation and realized the mistakes I’ve been making. I should have sent out and intimacy text…and I need to work on my tide texting. And I’m willing to adapt those things. It just becomes so frustrating every time he has a mood swing I have to start all over. Granted things are so much better… But please help with mini-nc? How many days should I leave him alone in order to not seem desperate or annoy him if he’s making it so tough for me.

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   September 4, 2018 at 9:06 pm

   Hi Robinn!

   I got your message at my support email and replied! Go check out your email!

10. 

    Simran

    August 31, 2018 at 4:12 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I implement the no contact rule after 4 5 days from my break up. During which he called me twice and in the first call he was telling me about the work and later told me that he has been feeling lonely to which I replied that I can’t be there anymore for you because you feel lonely. After this I called me 2 days later because I had a melt down and broke the no contact rule and we spoke for an hour, the another mistake I did was that I said he can call me if he wants to. And the next day he called me regarding some work and I ended the conversation not continuing any further small talk. It’s been 3 days now that I am on no contact rule, but my called me and wanted to talk to which I replied that I need time to for myself please don’t contact me.

    Does this mean that I have broken the no contact rule???? Is there is still a chance of having him back???

    As you recommended I have been through the limited no contact as well and several other articles you have written. They are very helpful and as you have shown the no calendar I have packed my next 30 days to avoid any slips and asked my friends to help me as well.

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   September 1, 2018 at 1:16 am

   Its OK Simran…as long as your conversations with him are now positive, just slowly pursue that, but create some healthy space.

11. 

    Siya

    August 25, 2018 at 8:17 am

    Hi Chris,
    My ex and I were together for over 3 years and in those years he broke up repeatedly and I begged him for most of the relationship, he also did in the beginning of the relationship like for a year but after a while it was mostly me. Trust me i gave this relationship my 100% and i know for a fact everything was going good even on the day he left me everything was perfect and something SO SMALL happened he just broke it off i thought he will message me in a day or two but he didn’t. Its been exactly a week now since he broke up with me and in this 1 week i messaged him twice to just ask why he left me. He gave reasons saying we will never be accepted by my parents and then he started giving vague reasons saying its a long distance and maybe he will not be able to visit often and it will get more difficult and so he decided to part ways. He ended such a long relationship within 30 minutes. Now its been 3 days since that day and its been killing me.Now I’ve decided to leave him alone but its killing me i still cant believe he ended it when everything was really going so good. Is it likely he will ever come back if I respect his wishes by doing the no contact rule?

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   August 26, 2018 at 1:42 am

   Hi Siya!

   Sorry you and your ex have struggled a lot in the past. I do believe you gave the relationship everything! Look for harmony and peace during this period of no contact. Understand how to employ it correctly. I have written books about this and covered it extensively. So check out my home page for more insight and resources and tools!

12. 

    B

    August 6, 2018 at 11:51 am

    Hey, So we went out on a couple of dates. We really connected well. I really like him. Then in the next date he had planned, he cancels on me. I ask him if he’s free to get together again twice after and then I get a message saying he’s too busy right now for this. I started the no contact rule immediately and didn’t reply. Im assuming he’s dating someone else? I’m not sure how successful it’ll be considering we never were g/f b/f. I’m gonna do the 30 day no contact. What do you think?

13. 

    Lorna

    May 13, 2018 at 10:11 am

    Hey, I had reached a week in my no contact but messaged him today to tell him that when he’s ready, to message me on my laptop because my phone is broken. He messaged back saying ‘Ok, sure thing, I will do :)’ Have I messed it up now?

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   May 13, 2018 at 3:47 pm

   I don’t think so. The response was positive. Give it some time now.

14. 

    Darcy

    May 5, 2018 at 3:20 am

    Hey so I am on day 20 on no contact I am aiming with 30 days. I play online gaming with friends and we have the same friendship group, and we’ll I was playing with a few of the boys when they than invited my ex and I didn’t know what to do, I panicked so I played a game or two with my friends (including my ex) I rarely acknowledged my ex unless he spoke directly to me about the game. After the second game I just left the game abruptly with “gotta go, bye” Have I ruined my no contact.. I feel horrible, I tried so hard. I don’t know what to do.. (background: ex and I were together for 2.5 yrs, than on and off 1 yr, and when I wanted commitment he said he can’t, he doesn’t want a relationship)

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   May 5, 2018 at 3:53 am

   It’s OK Darcy…you didn’t ruin anything and please don’t feel horrible. You are clearly a wonderful woman to care so much. You might want to take at a couple of my resources. “The No Contact Rulebook” is like a huge ebook that walks you through everything about the Principle and covers all kinds of exceptions. It is also an invaluable resource as it has many tactics that help with your personal recovery. The other thing you should consider is my Private Facebook Support Group. You can learn more about both at my website Menu/product section.

2. 

   Darcy

   May 5, 2018 at 4:17 am

   Thankyou for replying so quickly, it is a massive relief I haven’t ruined it and have to start over. I’m going to give it to the 45 days max and if he doesn’t man up and change his mind I think its time I move on, I will look at the resources you mentioned. Thanks again Chris!

3. 

   Chris Seiter

   May 5, 2018 at 4:27 am

   Good nite Darcy!

15. 

    Tia

    April 29, 2018 at 11:39 am

    Hi Chris! My situation is a bit different, he shut me out while dealing with a death. Once he let me back in (after me persisting), he wasn’t the same. I tried to be patient but he acknowledges that what we had (we weren’t in a relationship but were getting there, we dated for a month) was special etc, and how he’ll regret it but he just doesn’t feel himself right now. We agreed that he would let me in by talking to me even when he didn’t feel like it, then the next day I sent a “k” as a response to him not being able to meet up, and NC began from there (I thought he’d reply, I guess he thought I would). It’s been 18 days and our last phonecall I told him if he didn’t let me in, I would move on and never look back. So him not reaching out probably has to do with him feeling like he’s facing certain rejection. I don’t know if the examples in the texting bible apply in this case. I want to reach out but without him feeling like he can take me for granted again. I do believe he was really into me, we had a small fight right before the death which I think made things worse. I’m not sure NC is even the best thing to do but I kind of accidentally did it while waiting for him to reach out first. It’s been 18 days now.

    Any light you can shed on this would be appreciated, I’ve been using your resources since my last break up 2 years ago, it really helps to get a man’s perspective!

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   April 29, 2018 at 8:53 pm

   Hi Tia…thanks for dropping by again! I think 21 days of no contact is the sweet spot for most people. So at that point, reach out to him. Text him that you have been focusing on your own healing and being a better version of yourself these past few weeks, and wanted to check in with him to see how he was doing.

   Let that be your first effort to re-ignite contact. Somebody usually has to make the first move unless you both just run into each other somewhere. And as you know, in my system, after NC is completed, there are various ways you can get him to open up and texting is one method that usually produces results.

2. 

   Tia

   May 10, 2018 at 8:06 am

   Hey Chris, thanks for the response! I reached out just after 21 days, the thing is I had to delete his number to keep my sanity, so I’ve had to do it via email. It’s been a few days and he hasn’t replied. I asked how he was doing and said I needed space to focus on myself and my exam, before this 3.5 week break he seemed sure that what we had was special etc, I’m wondering if he just also remembers how negative things got before the break so he just doesn’t want to get into that again.

   Reaching out via text would’ve been harder to ignore 🙁

16. 

    Thuli Moloantwa

    April 24, 2018 at 5:16 am

    Thank you for this. I’m going to try by all means to follow through with this guide. I’m on day 3 of no contact , I’m really struggling and I’m just thinking a lot about what he is doing , who is he with , I’m actually scared that he might just find someone else and treat her better than me. He broke up with me because I gave me opinion abit something (I told him that he goes out a lot for someone who is in their final year of varsity-I said this because he is always being mean to me saying that when he spends time with me he takes his eye of prize , he blames me for his varsity pressures) and he got irritated and told me his tired of me. He tried messaging me yesterday about some promotion things , I didn’t reply and he deleted all 3 messages on WhatsApp(yes you can d that now lol ). So I guess I’m just thinking what I did wrong because I only expressed my opinion because I was sick of getting blamed for him not achieving hos goals. We see eachother once a week and only at night after he is done with his day , sometimes I even cancel things to make his life easier , we see eachother around his schedule that’s why I’m always driving there and when it’s time to come to me he tells me that he hasn’t spent time at home and he has work to do but on tha very same night he was suppose to come see me , he spends that entire night with his friend. I can’t take it anymore , he always tells me he is over me /over us if I don’t answer the phone when he calls , if I give my opinion about something, even if he asks me what I think about his shirt and I say I don’t like it , he becomes so harsh and tells me that he is gonna go ask another girl for their opinion so he can get the answer he wants .he does all of this after we see eachother without fail . Ofcourse I love him so much I beg for him to come back or I just become extra nice to try and Mend things or make him want me again. He never really tried with me , I feel like I can’t live up to his standards. As he gets mad at every little thing I say to the point where I just agree with everything and let things go that bother me just so he doesn’t become mean to me . Sometimes that’s not even enough , because he will get mad that I didn’t give a full answer then he will tell me he is not feeling me and that I should leave him alone . Everytime he breaks up with me which is about 2 times a week he will call me after hurting my feelings and act like nothing happened and tells me that he misses/loves me . The minute I bring up what he did/said to me , he tells me I’m doing damage to myself (cause I’m bringing up the fact that he asked me to leave him alone and telling me he does not love me ect).i can’t take it anymore

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   April 24, 2018 at 3:23 pm

   HI Thuli…be sure to follow the advice in my ebook guide, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”. It lays down the best tactics you can turn to to better your chances and what to do during the No Contact Period. I see upside here. But focus on your own healing and that one thing the NC period allows you to do.

2. 

   Chris Seiter

   April 24, 2018 at 3:23 pm

   HI Thuli…be sure to follow the advice in my ebook guide, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”. It lays down the best tactics you can turn to to better your chances and what to do during the No Contact Period. I see upside here. But focus on your own healing and that one thing the NC period allows you to do.

17. 

    Sarah

    April 18, 2018 at 7:58 pm

    I bought your NC ebook and just started reading it. I noticed it said to let them know that you need space before you start NC. I’ve already started it a few days ago and didn’t let my ex know… he has texted me since and I’ve ignored it. Should I let him know now? Or just keep the NC?

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   April 18, 2018 at 10:01 pm

   Hi Sarah..Thanks for picking up the ebook..Its a long one and there are some fascinating ideas and findings on both sides of the ex recovery equation, particularly on the piece that deals with “your” recovery. That is really the most important cog of the whole system. Because when it is all said and done, no matter how it shakes out, you need to be in a good place to go forward. Ok…on to your question. Yes, I think a brief text thanking him for reaching out and explaining that you are “working at healing and getting in touch with your feelings for the time being” and therefor won’t be very communicative for a spell, would help him understand where you are coming from. Read the section in the NC ebook that talks about when you should make exceptions to the length of the NC period as all these situations are unique. Keep me in the loop Sarah and if you need some ongoing emotional support, consider my Private Facebook Group. I have about 1400 (mostly women) in the group and they are terrific. I do live webcasts there weekly and there is a lot of synergy going in within the group! You can learn more about that on my website (products link). Its $99 bucks for lifetime membership.

18. 

    Janise

    April 10, 2018 at 9:58 pm

    Dang it! I was attempting NC then I received a text from him … “seriously, stop leaving notes for me, stop acting like an f*ing stalker”. I too quickly responded, “Dude, those were from before you flipped switches on me” not too bad, but then the female defect of needing to say more took over and I followed with “no matter how ugly you are to me, I still want you to be happy” … smh.
    He apparently wants to be with her now, right under my nose, no fights for over a year then he met her and boom…Now, don’t get me wrong, the cheating thing and is not acceptable but I can’t just stop my heart so I am still in love and want him back, but secretly I’m hoping that he may be influenced to want me back as I will end up not wanting him.

    I am back to trying NC and this time I want it to stick. Geez!

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   April 10, 2018 at 10:29 pm

   Proud of you Janise. Way to stick up for yourself. Make it stick. So going forward here is what I think you should do! First, take a look at a more comprehensive resource I created called, Ex Recovery Pro. It can be found on my website’s Menu Section under “Products”. It’s full of ideas. Secondly, don’t let this get you down too much. Don’t give up the fight! If it doesn’t work out, he doesn’t deserve you. Remember that!

2. 

   Januse

   April 10, 2018 at 10:46 pm

   Thank you. I will look into the resources you mentioned. I know this makes it sound even more of an unworthy relationship but he actually said he hates me and wished me dead in a fit, stating he wants to be with this girl only a day after telling me all good stuff about us, so I never expected to get a text about anything. If I were as upset as he is claiming to be, I would not reach out even after finding notes … btw, he’s going to be finding more sweet notes at some point lol

   My head knows the reality, I’m just taking the “ get him back” path of nc to give my heart a chance to detox. Knowing better than to stay but feeling the desire to is not an easy thing.

3. 

   Chris Seiter

   April 11, 2018 at 3:10 am

   Hi Januse. The “No Contact Rule Book” has a huge section of detoxing and dealing with the pain of a breakup and how to turn the corner. So pay special attention to that resource. What he said to you is an awful, awful abusive thing for anyone to say that to any other human being.

19. 

    Kaylee

    April 6, 2018 at 2:55 pm

    On the day my ex ended it after a four year relationship,I didn’t react to his msg he just said out of the blue I can’t do this anymore, he was suffering from depression because he became redundant from his job and also there was a death in the family,so I replied okay because I felt he needed the space, I did let him know I’d be here if he needs me,and I’m quite aware he likes to go into his cave to sort through his problems while I get on with looking after me,as he has in the past,so I went into no contact as we had not fallen out I only did the 21 days he didn’t contact me either ,and then I contacted which was a positive message (and yes I followed your texting guide) he did not reply, and then strangely enough he texted me on day 45!!but just saying he not changed his mind, and that the relationship was over, it was a pretty long msg though and at the end finished with I apologise if I have hurt you but move on I have nothing to offer you,unfortunately I was sarcastic back which I regret,but I kept it short,I’ve not contacted since I feel It will be rejected,I’ve left it at that,but I do want him back but it’s now nearly 60 days since the first break up text from him.I feel like I should give up all hope because I don’t know what to say to make it right because there wasn’t anything I did for him to walk away.three weeks before we broke up he was telling me he couldn’t live without me,and here he is proving to himself he can.i am trying to focus on me and distract myself as much as I can rather than get as down as I was in the first couple of weeks.Do you think I should just except he doesn’t want me and stop trying even though I want him back and miss him terribly,I haven’t pursued him as I feel he maybe grieving for the loss of his uncle,I have heard he has a new job and he has been out a lot socialising, A mutual friend has also said he’s been getting pretty close to another girl which hurts like hell. Have I lost him for good ?

1. 

   Jennifer Seiter

   April 7, 2018 at 3:06 am

   I’m sorry to hear about your breakup. How do you know he hasn’t changed his mind after he texted you back? You should not be talking about getting back together or any relationship stuff for a while. Try texting him again since it’s been a while. Make sure your text is about him and his interest not your interests. I find that exes generally respond to things they are interested in. I dont think you’ve lost him for good.

2. 

   Kaylee

   April 7, 2018 at 2:27 pm

   His text wasn’t even really a response to my text that I sent on day 21 and it was funny and was about something he’s interested in,I actually convinced myself he was doing his own no contact with not hearing from him till day 45 but it was actually just a long msg about how we’re over and how I should forget about us,I never brought up the relationship in my text,if he was doing his own no contact he probably wouldn’t have either,so maybe a coincidence,i didn’t respond straight away it was like 24hrs later but I responded quite sarcastic,to be honest I don’t know if it’s how I read it but I didn’t feel convinced,let’s say the msg itself was like he was trying to convince himself not me,because it was repetitive saying the same thing but in different ways.
   I was thinking of waiting till day 60 which is in a couple of days he might feel a bit angry after my sarcastic response,I do feel like a fool if I chase him he is very proud and stubborn and once he’s said something he doesn’t back down,in fact if I go against his wishes I think he will see it as disrespect.He blocked me on everything on day one,all social media and messaging sites and we hardly communicated through them anyway?? But I do think I should leave it a while like you said,he has a massive ego and to be fare we never went a day without communication and he’d initiate it,one day of silence would drive him mad so I don’t know how he’s managed to keep it up.like I say I think maybe because of family situations and some life changes he’s had no choice but it hurts he’s not letting me in.Thankyou very much for your response.

3. 

   Jennifer Seiter

   April 7, 2018 at 7:38 pm

   Your very welcome. Yes, don’t go past 66 days no contact. If he responds negatively again say this “I’m not trying to get back with you or anything.” Then go back into no contact for 30 days and try one more time.

4. 

   Kaylee

   April 10, 2018 at 11:35 pm

   I sent it ,no response I even left a and guess what happened next at the end but I think he might have see it as a trick to get him to ask what?
   So if I don’t get a response do I see that as a negative response? do I now just go back into no contact and just keep on working on me? I’m so tired the day after the message was the day we met which he never forgets I didn’t hear from him I felt really down all day.ok so it’s been like 48hrs but I really doubt he’s going to contact me after he’s been so stubborn and only msged once in 62 days. Where as he’s had three msgs now from me but going from day one I msg day 21 he msged day 45 I msged day 46 and day 60… I think I’m the last person on his mind right now.

5. 

   Kaylee

   April 14, 2018 at 7:20 pm

   Still haven’t heard and I’m okay back in no contact but what does it mean if they are kinda acting competitive? and for example if I do something it seems he’s doing the same thing for example (I didn’t btw) but say I went skydiving last week he’d be going this week if he finds out I’ve made plans to do something he will either try and do it before me or do it after I have even if it’s visiting a place.This has happened a few times one of the plans I have this year he’s also doing yet it’s one of my interests not his.

6. 

   Chris Seiter

   April 18, 2018 at 4:48 am

   Hi Kaylee….funny! He is mirroring you. Good sign. Just follow the blueprint in my ebook!

20. 

    JoAnn Moreno

    March 25, 2018 at 10:33 pm

    My bf ignored me on St. Patrick’s Day, I got mad but instead of getting upset about it I got dolled up and went out. I was looking good and feeling good so I posted selfies on snapchat. The next day he messaged me and asked if I had fun, I ignored him because I was still annoyed that he ignored me. He then texted, “OK, make it weird then.” I answered a few hours later and said, “You’re making it weird. You ignore me then hit me up when you feel like it.” Then I said, “By the way, I had a lot of fun, hope you had fun too.” Next morning he blocked me on snapchat and Facebook (which I use a lot) so I messaged him asking what’s going on on IG and he blocked me there too! I then messaged him on a second fb profile later in the evening (he surprisingly didn’t block me) and I asked him why he is being like this and he said he is just reacting off of me, that me trying make him jealous was the worst thing I could have done. I told him that I wasn’t trying to make him jealous and that I genuinely went out to have fun. He then said that he wasn’t mad anymore and that we are good… That was last Thursday. I tried to ask him what he was up to later that evening but he read my message and ignored me. I deactivated that fb and messenger completely and started the NCR on Friday, it’s only been 3 days but so far so good.

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   April 3, 2018 at 1:21 am

   I am glad it seems to be going so well.

   I’d just like to warn you that from what I see a lot of women who try the no contact rule go through this insane pendulum swing of feeling good to feeling bad and then back to good. Just understand that it is a part of the process.