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1,163 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)”

  1. V

    March 22, 2017 at 6:08 pm

    Does this work if we weren’t technically together? We casually dated for a little under 2 months.

    He made it seem like we were working toward a relationship, but we basically were one just without the label. He called me his, told me he felt comfortable/a special connection with me, would tell me he missed me, etc. Things I thought were going good. He said he was burned in the past and just wanted to be sure of things before committing. He said I had nothing to worry about…that when he was interested in someone…he was in it. He just didn’t want to jump into something until he knew he was sure. I understood that and didn’t push him.

    Then one night he told me he wanted to make sure he gave me realistic expectations. He basically said he had commitment issues and that he didn’t know how committed he could get long-term. He said he didn’t see himself getting married (because of it being such a big commitment…he said he has a hard enough time even liking people…I was only the second girl he’s slept with and he’s in his early 20s). He ghosted me after that. I’ve been in NC for a week.

    1. V

      April 20, 2017 at 1:07 am

      So it went horrible. We were talking back and forth for a few days. His response times were generally 45 minutes to over 12 hours (occasionally he would respond sooner). After the 12 hour response time, I started to worry that maybe he just didn’t want to talk. So I waited over a day to respond, and when I did I asked what he wanted…I said I wanted to talk to him, but if he didn’t want to, then okay. He responded (3 hours later) basically saying if I was just going to yell at him, this was a bad idea and pinned it on me, saying that I was getting mad that he (he put this next bit in quotes) “didn’t want to talk”, when I was the one who didn’t text him back. I told him I wasn’t yelling at him; I was just trying to figure out his wants. Then he stopped answering.

      I don’t know what to do or what to think anymore. I don’t get at all what happened between us. I miss him a lot and think about him every day but then on the other hand I feel stupid for it. I feel like I look super stupid too. I feel like I got used. He took what he wanted and now he’s done with me type thing and I blindly bought all the lines he sold me like a gullible idiot. I’m the type of person who doesn’t fall for people easily but when I do I fall hard. I want people to know I care, and fight for what I want. I don’t really know what I’m asking, but I guess I’m stuck between feeling used and wanting to stay away (not out of hating him, but out of thinking ‘ok, well clearly something happened to make him change his mind, so I don’t want to bother him’, and not wanting to get used or look like a fool), and wanting to fix things if possible, or at least be on good terms…because even though to my knowledge NOTHING happened, I feel like ghosting qualifies as ‘bad terms’.

      I ended up unfriending him on social media. I had just changed settings to hide his updates, but seeing when he was online and stuff just started to get to me so I thought it might be better to delete for now and always re-add him later.. Not sure if that would make me look even stupider, or if I made a bad decision by unfriending, but at this point I feel like the situation is already not in my favor.

      Thank you!

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 25, 2017 at 2:47 pm

      Yup..you can’t be emotional when you’re trying to build rapport..especially with exes.. You just have to be indifferent.. You have to do a mini nc of at least a week and then start over in building rapport

    3. V

      April 18, 2017 at 1:01 am

      Well it went bad. We talked casually. His response times were typically anywhere from 45 minutes to 12 hours. After the 12 hour response time I asked what he wanted; like if he didn’t want to talk to me. I basically said I felt like he didn’t want to and if he didnt, then okay. He basically turned it around on me saying I didn’t want to talk (because I had taken a day or more to respond to his last text) and then said I had got ‘mad’ at him for, he put in quotes like I was making it up: “not wanting to talk”. He said if he was just going to get yelled at, this was a bad idea. I basically told him I was purely trying to figure out his wants and what was going on since he abandoned ship without any warning whatsoever…That I was just confused. He never answered. I don’t know what to do or think anymore. I don’t want to get used or played and I feel like that was what happened. That his whole thing with me was just some scheme for him to have some fun. It has been just over a week. I miss him and think about him every day and want to talk to him but at the same time, I feel really stupid. And feel like he’s a major dick…Like I just blindly bought all the lines he sold me like a gullible idiot; like it was just a ‘he used me and now he’s done with me’ type thing. I hid his feed from my social media but honestly just want to delete him from my friends for a couple weeks. Don’t want to know if he’s online or alive or what he’s doing whatsoever. Not sure if that would help or hinder anything between us, but at this point I already feel like I look dumb (to both myself and probably to him too).

    4. V

      April 5, 2017 at 5:31 am

      Me again-
      Today marks the end of the 21 days NC. He reached out to me yesterday telling me he missed me and still thinks about me. I messaged back 10+ hours later saying I missed him too. Then he ghosted me again without even saying a thing….I don’t get it.
      Did I mess up by telling him I missed him too, and by answering him before today?
      Thank you šŸ™‚

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 5, 2017 at 5:54 pm

      Yeah.. it’s like he’s got the power.. Extend a week more and then initiate after that..

    6. V

      March 29, 2017 at 7:13 am

      Should I still do 30 days NC? I’m sort of worried since we weren’t actually together and really only casually dated for a month and some change that he’ll grow used to not talking to me again and break the “habit” sooner.

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 29, 2017 at 2:45 pm

      just do 21 days

    8. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 25, 2017 at 3:54 pm

      Hi V,

      that’s good that you’re in nc. Check this one too:
      How Do I Get My Commitment Phobic Ex Boyfriend Back?

  2. Nicole

    March 19, 2017 at 4:18 pm

    I’m currently in NC & on day 4 & my ex has already called me once, sent me 4 messages & requesting to follow me on social media. Should I accept?
    Thanks Chris & Team!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 24, 2017 at 1:58 pm

      Hi Nicole,

      let it be while you’re still in nc

  3. Luna

    March 17, 2017 at 5:04 am

    My boyfriend and I usually fight and argument although we are very happily together hanging out and do other things. He claimed that our relationship had too much problems and he is not have the feeling for me as the beginning that he can’t helped so we should break up. I applied no contact rule for 23 days and the 28rd day is his birthday. There are no contact between us so far.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 21, 2017 at 3:46 pm

      Hi Luna,

      So, how many days in total did you do nc? How much did you improve yourself? Did you greet him?

  4. Daniela

    March 14, 2017 at 6:32 pm

    So, my boyfriend of four months broke up with me on December 29th out of the blue. He says he was confused and didnĀ“t know how to handdle things. Our relationship was amazing, we had so much fun together and it seemed like he was way over more into me than I was, I really donĀ“t know what happend and he doesnĀ“t want to talk about it. After the breakup the firdt month he would write to me every week asking how I was. After the first month we hooked up, it was just a one time thing and then started talking again almost everyday, but he kept saying he was confused and didnĀ“t want to hurt me.

    After two more weeks talking I found out he was already dating some girl. I know its a rebound but I couldnĀ“t helo it and said horrible things to him that I know hurted him. After two days of that conversation I told him I was sorry but he didnĀ“t answer. Then I decided to start the no contact rule. IĀ“m 9 days in and it is killing me. I want to talk to him so bad but I know it wont do good. I know he misses me and still loves me but heĀ“s really stubborn plus I think heĀ“s still dating that girl. I know is not that serious between them but at time I get scared he might fall for her. IDK IĀ“m really confused! My NC ends on April 4th but IĀ“m going crazy.

    IĀ“ve been talking to other guys but heĀ“s the one that I want. IĀ“ve been working out a lot and improving myself. And he keeps watching everything I post on social media and liking my pictures.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 16, 2017 at 10:46 am

      Hi Daniela,

      do at least 30 days.. improve massively so you’ll have high chances of him regretting not having you..

  5. J

    March 9, 2017 at 10:25 am

    Hi!

    I started dated a guy about nine months ago, he has only had one serious relationship a long time ago and has been single every since until he met me. He fell in love with me very quickly and I’m the only person he’s ever loved. We’re opposites and although generally we complement each other and always have an amazing time together and share a lot of the same interests, sometimes we disagree.

    He’s usually a fun-loving joker and does not like to express his feelings or deal with emotions. When we argue, it can be something small or something big, when he gets upset, he shuts down and we stop talking. He doesn’t communicate with me generally about his feelings and emotions and just expects me to read his mind, understand, and to always trust him. Then he asks to meet and when we do, he always breaks up with me and tells me that he just can’t do this because he would rather be alone and not have any negativity at all. We usually reaches out to me after a few days and I respond, hang out a couple of times and then get back together again. Our relationship has gotten better and stronger each time; this has happened about four times now and we have a bigger fight once a month. It’s gotten to the point that regardless of what he says, I understand what he really wants (to be with me because he’s happier) therefore it has been difficult for me to give up because we’re really good together except when he gets overly upset, shuts down and breaks up with me each time after a bigger fight about something trivial.

    This time, we broke up ten days ago and the last time we spoke was nine days ago. I still have his key and have been to his place twice to pick up stuff and have left one-liner casually friendly notes hoping he’s well. Usually he would send me a random irrelevant message after a few days but he has not contacted me at all and I feel like it’s different. What are my chances and should I pick up the rest of my stuff (lots of irrelevant stuff) and drop his key off as I said I would or should I wait? Why I’m wondering is because he hates when he doesn’t hear from me that’s also why, when we broke up this time, I told him that I would disappear for him. He should have an idea that I will not reach out to him (although I did leave those random notes) but I’m feeling quite lost at the moment. I’m not sure 30 or 21 day NC would be better or if I should change my mindset to accept that it is over and just move on.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 12, 2017 at 11:16 am

      Hi J,

      do 30 days and then stick to it. No dropping by and leaving notes. Just focus in improving yourself and being active in posting in social media. Don’t social media stalk him. With on and off couples, there’s a high chance that he will come back again.

  6. Megan

    March 8, 2017 at 9:12 pm

    Wondering if I should continue no contact:

    We dated for a month and a half at the beginning of the year, he ended things on February 13th saying that while he was in love with me, he was also in love with a woman from his past and wanted to see that relationship through. He dragged this breakup out over two days telling me that what we had was incredibly special and that in any other circumstance what we have would be more than enough. I do not know if he is dating that woman currently (there is no mention of her on social media.)

    I figured I would walk away and be done with him. After a week of not contacting me he randomly texted me asking how I was. I did not respond. Then he started liking all of my social media posts throughout the week. And then on the 26th he texted me again, asking how I was and apologizing we hadn’t met up or talked. I ended up responding to him the next day telling him that I wasn’t ready to talk and that I hope he enjoyed the week with his parents (who were in town visiting). He replied enthusiastically and instantly telling me he felt like he had left me hanging and apologized, and told me how much he was liking what I was sharing on social media. I told him that I found continued contact confusing and that I needed more time before I was ready to talk (he insisted on us meeting up sometime to discuss things). He said he respect my decision and that he still cares deeply for me.

    I have not contacted him since then. The day after that interaction he liked something on my instagram, and then 8 days passed without any contact – until yesterday when he liked something on social media again. I don’t know what to do. I want him back but also realize this is a low chance sort of situation. Do I continue with no contact for 30 days? 21 days since our relationship was so short? Move on? I don’t understand why he keeps reaching out.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 12, 2017 at 10:08 am

      Hi Megan,

      go for just 21 days but restart the count from the first day you stopped replying to him and continue improving yourself and being active in social media.

  7. Haley

    March 7, 2017 at 10:26 pm

    Hi!
    My boyfriend and I dated for almost 3 years. We met freshman year of college and are now in our senior year. We had talked about marragie and jobs/living situations after school and everything was going amazing. One day out of the blue he told me he didn’t think he loved me anymore, he hadn’t be acting any different, was still doing cute little things to make me happy. The day after saying he didn’t think he loved me he told me he wanted to make things work, for the next week everything was normal, no arguing or anything. Then we went on thanksgiving break, he began to drink and smoke constantly (something he never did) and began to snapchat another girl. He told me about everything after break and said he enjoyed being single, even tho when we left school we were still together and trying to make it work. He admitted that snap chatting this girl was a huge mistake and he had no interest. We went back and forth for about a month. In the beginning of January he ended things, I honestly thought he was bipolar, one second he would be trying to lay in my
    Bed and the next he would hate me and I wasn’t even allowed to talk to him without getting yelled at. He moved out about a month after the breakup, he was back and forth with his actions while living here and the whole thing confused me. The second he moved out he began recontacting the girl he was snapchatting. He told me our relationship and I were amazing but something just went “wrong”. He then a day later said he hated me, wished he never met me and never wanted to see or hear from me again. I am trying no contact but now that he is with this girl and seems to have so much hate for me I’m not sure if it will do anything. What should I do?

    1. Haley

      March 10, 2017 at 1:16 pm

      I’m not sure how long of a no contact period to do, I definitely handled the break up poorly while still living together and annoyed him, so I feel like I should do closer to 45 but it worries me if I wait that long he will just get more serious with this new girl. He also removed me and all of our mutual friends from Facebook, it seems like he is pretty serious about never having to see me again.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 12, 2017 at 10:41 am

      for me you should do 45 days. Doing 21 nor 30 will not stop him from getting closer to the girl but you can put up a good fight by improving yourself because he will unconsciously compare you two, and he will remember the recent memories, so change that through you improvement and by indirectly showing it through your posts.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2017 at 12:43 pm

      Hi Haley,

      stick to no contact and be focused and active in improving yourself.. check this one too:
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

  8. Michela

    March 3, 2017 at 5:10 pm

    Hi there, I am currently in NO CONTACT. After 3 weeks today is my birthday and my ex sent me a message with wishes saying that he hopes everything is fine and that he would like to talk (but setting the “meeting” call on Monday because he said he was busy with friends on the weekend!!!!). I found it rude.
    I just said “thank you for the birthday wishes šŸ™‚ ” and he replied “what about Monday? Are you busy?”. I didn’t reply. Than he asked “Is it a NO?”. I simply didn’t reply!
    Now, I am in day 21 of NC, but I am expecting to see him in two weeks at a mutual friend’s bachelor party. What should I do? Contact him by text message right after the finish of the NC or better wait one week more until we meet in person? There will be a lot of mutual friends at this party and I have to go to his city. Thank you in advance!ļ»æ

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 3, 2017 at 11:31 pm

      Hi Michela,
      I think it would be better to wait one week more. Look your best and have fun!

  9. J

    March 3, 2017 at 3:17 pm

    Hey there,
    I work with my ex.
    Mine is quite a long story so I’m going to list major events, followed by my question, if any more info is needed feel free to ask but please help!

    Me and him together, going well.

    His ex crops up trying to get attention, I try to understand buy may have inadvertently preempted the following by acting off with him.

    Boyfriend at the time has previous with aforementioned ex starts acting distant, making excuses.

    My trust issues get the better of me and I leave embarrassing voicemail, regret instantly and apologise but stand by my reasons for leaving it.

    Boyfriend listens to voicemail – we broke up (third time)

    Now ex boyfriend – dynamic is confusing. Friendly, messaging like we were together, then starting arguments, to blaming me, to apologising, denying he was back with his ex even though she’s posting indicating they are, etc.

    Take myself out of confusing situation,
    I instigate NC – appears to be working.

    I take time off work, too many coworkers getting involved and causing trouble, NC still in play and working but not all contact from ex was positive.

    Coworker makes rumour I remove this person from facebook, ex boyfriend mocks and judges decision.

    I break no contact to defend above decision (I know, screwed up)

    We agree to talk, he chickens out and argument ensues resulting in him blocking me on everything

    That’s about as abridged as I can get it – I have remained in NC since the last argument and will continue to do so however have I screwed up completely? Because he’s not messaging at all now.

    Has he gone back to his ex because I pushed him into it and why won’t he admit it?

    I just don’t know what to do, I mean I love him and when we’re together it’s amazing and I know he loves me too but I can’t deny that there were problems, I obviously spoke to the wrong coworker and he clearly listened to too much twisted nonsense from the same coworker and never came to me about it.
    I find it hard to believe there’s much between him and his ex than a safety blanket when things get difficult because he’s left her about 4 times now; once before we met, second when we worked together and then me and him started dating (fair enough I was probably a rebound here) but the other two he chose to leave her because of how she is and he wanted to be with me (I did not encourage him either time, I was just getting on with things) so I must’ve left an impression.

    I honestly think I want him back, for the most part the issues aren’t major, I don’t think he genuinely wants to be with her but he is clearly confused and she is certainly twisted enough to manipulate him however I don’t want to be put through all this again – is it worth it?

    1. J

      March 4, 2017 at 3:31 am

      I honestly don’t know, could be any number of things that’s making him deny it… he could be ashamed, he could be trying to keep me around, could be that they’re not together and she’s just trying to make it look that way – what would be your best guess?

      Yeah I asked him before no contact and he denied it, he also sent me a message just last week during no contact (before it failed) reiterating that they weren’t and that he didn’t know what her statuses were about and that was without me asking.

      I am 5 days into no contact this time and am determined to stick to it.

      Thanks šŸ™‚

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 4, 2017 at 5:52 pm

      For me, if there’s no concrete proof, then it’s not true.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 3, 2017 at 11:27 pm

      Hi J,

      why do you think he’s denying it? Have you asked him about your speculations? How many days are you in this nc now? And open this link below:
      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

  10. A

    February 28, 2017 at 9:43 am

    HI,

    I am on day 2 of no contact – I opted for 45 days. We broke up two months ago but through the two months we tried hanging gout as friends. It was working only because I was pretending to be fine with it which means it wasn’t working at all. We went away last weekend for his birthday (it was booked months ago and still decided to go) and I told him then that however the weekend pans out I will be taking some space after all. I was honest with him, told him about my feelings and that I need to separate myself because it has been difficult for me and I am hurting. He accepted that and said he will wait for me to be ready to resume contact so we can be friends (we are in our 30s and were friends before we dated. He insist I’m one of the most important people in his life. Our relationship was amazing – we were very compatible but he broke up because of the reaosns he cannot understand himself. He says he can’t put his finger on it – I’m not his type physically even though I give him everything he is looking for in terms of the relationship)

    Now… if he said he would respect my wishes of no contact, is there any chance he’ll try to reach out anyway? Also, is there any point of me trying to get him back or just focus on recovery and rebuilding the friendship we had/have?

    I am committed to NC and I know I won’t break it- most of all I want to feel better but I can’t stop thinking that I should not give up on him..

    1. A

      March 1, 2017 at 10:00 am

      Hi,

      I told him I need a few weeks and that it will be 4-6 depending how I feel so yes he does. He said he will wait until I’m ready to talk.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 1, 2017 at 8:47 pm

      Oh no.. That lessens the chances of no contact rule because he’s not supposed to know. Right now, he’s just waiting for you to contact him.. The best you can do is to stick to it and really be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 28, 2017 at 8:53 pm

      HI A
      does he know you’re doing 45 days?

  11. Jackie

    February 27, 2017 at 6:15 pm

    Quick version: got dumped by my ex after 3.5 years together on January 22nd (36 days ago as of today)

    We broke up twice before, the first time was last August (2016) and it lasted 2 weeks before he came back. Admittedly, even though he initiated the first contact after he broke up with me, I rushed things with us getting back together so fast.

    We were good for the next 4 months, happy and completely normal. Christmas Day was one of our best days ever, full of love. Then on January 28th, he broke up with me randomly. He gave these as the following reasons:
    -we had gotten too serious and talking about marriage so much scared him
    -I was unstable and relied on him a lot (this is true)
    -he needed to focus on himself because he had a very important personal event coming up where he needed to perform well

    I begged for him not to go but he did anyways. After 5 days of not talking, he came back again. He came over to my house and asked me back, this time however, he didn’t want to tell his friends/family. We remained secret for a few weeks. The few weeks after that were rough. He was depressed and always second guessing us. Then after 2 weeks being back together, he said he needed time to think about us. We didn’t talk for a week and then the 7th day we met up and he ended it even though at the beginning of the conversation he wanted to make it work.

    When we broke up this last time (Jan 22), I didn’t really beg. I acted mad (I was) and didn’t plead. I texted him that night saying I thought it was a mistake. The next day I texted him asking him to not say anything bad about me and basically just not trash your relationship. He agreed. We have not talked since that day(35 days). The only “contact” has been from his end where he liked one of my tweets on twitter.

    I feel like NC won’t work because he isn’t expecting me to contact him. I mean, we broke up, we aren’t supposed to talk. Not talking after a break up is normal. My silence is not out of the ordinary to him. I also feel that the pressure from his friends and family will keep him from getting back with me.

    It should be listed that I had serious problems trusting him. Not because of anything he did, but because I have extreme anxiety that I am now being treated for and seeing improvements. In the relationship, I was EXTREMELY controlling. I know realize that’s not okay and don’t plan on being that way again. But honestly, it wasn’t fair to him and it was exhausting for him.

    These are my thoughts. Yours?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2017 at 8:28 pm

      Hi Jackie,

      It doesn’t mean there can’t be a restart. It’s good that you didn’t talk but the question is how much you improved and how active were you in posting? I think you need to start the count of 30 days from now and then be very active in improving yourself. Check the link below about that and then after it, slowly build rapport and attraction.
      The Ungettable Girl

  12. Elle

    February 26, 2017 at 11:25 am

    Hi everyone,
    so, this is my story: a month ago my ex boyfriend broke up with me (and it was the third time in two years and three months… painful and exhausting). The reason was him “not being ready to fully commit to me since he still has unsolved problems in his life such as his carreer/serious family problems”. Also, one year ago he eventually cheated on me during one of these short breakups (and I feel like he did it to get back at me since he chose the only one girl I disliked at the time, and he’s very handsome so you know). Since the last breakup we fought a lot, he managed to block me on Facebook and Whatsapp but he didn’t on other platforms such as Instagram, Telegram and so on. We had a brief but meaningful conversation ten days ago about us being always there for each other and this kind of stuff even though I chose not to contact him anymore (it was not properly a NC rule, I just didn’t want to hear from him since I always felt miserable afterwards). He then took a flight for Milan (he’s a model), not telling me he had to leave and minding his own business as usual (not that I had the right to know, but it was really strange to me). He texted me a couple days ago asking me how I was while he was still in Milan, we texted a lot and he always said that I meant very much to him (I did it too, but I was very angry since I totally lost my patience with him)but he kinda feels apathetic and has to solve his life problems before having the freedom of enjoying a love story and that we would have eventually kept in touch once he got back to our hometown. What should I do? Is it too late to try NC rule?

    1. Elle

      March 1, 2017 at 2:25 pm

      oh and also, I forgot: when I said in our last conversation that I didn’t want to lose him/stopped having him in my life he said that he couldn’t do it (staying in contact w/ me too much) because he fears he’ll be back falling in love with me. Very confusing.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 1, 2017 at 9:08 pm

      You’re welcome! That’s a good sign for you. There’s no guarantee that the nc rule will but you should try it. It’s better than being friendzoned.

    3. Elle

      March 1, 2017 at 2:20 pm

      Thank you so much for your answer, Amor. We spoke today but I find ouselves still very unstable. So, do you think NC rule won’t work out or that I should anyway give it a try?
      Our longest time no speaking was only six days! Thank you so much for your kindness.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 26, 2017 at 9:29 pm

      Hi Elle,

      frankly the more you do nc, the less it can help you and since you’re on and off, if you’re going to do nc now, it has to be long, at least 45 days..

  13. Tree

    February 25, 2017 at 8:45 am

    Mine is complicated. We were living together, engaged, he moved in with me and my kids. His son came to live with us after a huge fallout with his mum. Sons behaviour was atrocious, drugs, verbal abuse, suicide threats, intimidating me physically. Everything came to a head when his son attacked my son and I Called the police just before Xmas. My fiancĆ© and his son moved out, he blames me for calling the police, not dealing with his son well etc. I did my best but he can’t recognise that. We have been seeing each other and he is cold and unemotional but he was getting better and warmer until we had a huge argument on the weekend. He broke up with me and I’m now in no contact. Day 6. He hasn’t been in touch but changed his Facebook pic to one of just him instead of me and him. I think the no contact is a great idea to allow us both some space as it’s pretty messed up. I just hate him blaming me when really all this is his sons fault. It feels really unfair and I know I should just keep my mouth shut but it’s difficult!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2017 at 10:09 pm

      Hi Tree,

      I agree that you should do no contact. Do at least 30 days, but honestly after that, I think it would be better if him and his son remain to have their own place, at least until the son fixes himself or gets his own place.

  14. Lisa

    February 24, 2017 at 4:43 am

    Hi,

    So I have been with my boyfriend for more than a year now. He had broke up with me the first time last year around this time. However, I wanted him back so bad I begged and within a couple of days we were back together. Fast forward to this past week. We have our first huge fight has a couple and he basically left using the same excuse as last time. I tried getting him to talk but in the end I’m glad we just walked our seperate ways to cool down. Knowing that I was mostly in the wrong I tried calling him the next day and texting multiples times him but he told me that he’s decision was final and to stop calling him. This site came back to mind and I just decided to put fort the NC rule so I made it two days without contact or anything it was good but also extremely hard.. After two days he came to me asking how I was and ultimately being sorry for how things went down. Would that be a good sign? I had so many mixed emotions and I didn’t wanna talk infront of people so I politely told him that as much as I wanted to talk. Personally, wasn’t ready and that he should leave. I did text him later to say that I was thankful for him coming to see me. However, it was in public at work where everyone could see and hear; that I had to leave for a few days for work and maybe we could talk when I get back! I was surprised to see that he actually agreed and that we could talk about it on a later date. So I guess I am doing the right steps? How long should I give myself NC rule? 21 or 30 days? I restarted since we spoke that one time but I really wanna do the NC for both of us to figure stuff cause I’ve already started figuring out things on both sides of the relationship! We all have flaws and I’ve realized mine I just want to give both of us time since we didn’t do that last time.

    Thanks…

    1. Lisa

      February 25, 2017 at 9:18 pm

      Should I count from the first two days I started talking to him or start over from when he came
      To me?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2017 at 11:08 pm

      Oh, start in the first day you stopped initiating and replying to him.

    3. Lisa

      February 24, 2017 at 9:33 pm

      And also at the same time work on myself do thing so I’ve been waiting to do and such! I’m going to be making my own calendar at home like what is shown in one of the articles on here! Made my Chris I believe.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2017 at 8:51 pm

      The common one is 30 days, 21 is for very short relationships, so try 30 days.

    5. Lisa

      February 24, 2017 at 9:31 pm

      i realize after that there maybe a chance we aren’t getting back together but I can have hope and to me coming to me after he said to stop is showing hope! I want to see how he reacts to me not contacting him. I’m just wondering how long.

    6. Lisa

      February 24, 2017 at 9:24 pm

      I am not sure just a few days away! However, I wasn’t going to contact until I was ready. I’m just not sure if I should do 21 or 30 day.

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 24, 2017 at 3:33 pm

      Hi Lisa,

      when are you getting back?

  15. Vanessa

    February 22, 2017 at 6:31 am

    Hi, Amor has suggested I do the 45 day NC. I’m on day 30 now and had nothing, I’m still blocked on fb (messages only) but not sure if anywhere else. My worries are, today is literally the 66th day since we BROKE UP. Is this bad? We kept talking until about a month after we broke up. The last official time I contacted him was 34 days ago, but Amor suggested I take it from his response to that message (30 days ago). Am I getting dangerously close to the 66 day habit break if I keep this going to day 45?

    1. Vanessa

      February 23, 2017 at 7:40 am

      Awesome, thanks Amor you’re the best. Do you post on the fb group?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 23, 2017 at 9:00 pm

      You’re welcome! Sometimes, my goal is to be more active in helping there too šŸ™‚

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 22, 2017 at 10:35 pm

      Start the count of the 66 days from the last day you talked, so that means you’re not in the 66th day mark yet. And 45 days is just being safe that if he does unblock you after 30 days, it will not look like you’re just waiting for him to do it to message him.

  16. Elle

    February 21, 2017 at 2:22 pm

    Hello! I broke up with my ex about a month ago and we were in contact during that month. I started the no contact 5 days ago by just ingorning his last text to me. Should I let him know that I need some space or just continue ignoring him??
    Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 21, 2017 at 11:53 pm

      Hi Elle,

      just continue ignoring him and be very active in improving yourself.

  17. Kimberly

    February 12, 2017 at 12:07 am

    My boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me last weekend. Things had been good, we are both 40, good careers, families, etc. Things were good between us. We had plans for dinner Saturday night, he text me good morning that very morning, we text back and forth and little bit. Then early afternoon I text asking what time he was planning to come over and no response. A little while later I discovered he had unfriended me on Facebook and apparently blocked me. I tried texting him and it sent as a text instead of an iMessage. I tried calling and realized he had blocked me. What happened?!? I had no idea. Nothing that night, nothing the next day. I actually blocked my number and called him, left a message that he owed me an explanation. He finally text me late Sunday night and basically just said he was truly sorry. He said it wasn’t about me and I didn’t do anything to make him run. He just wasn’t emotionally equipped for a relationship and couldn’t give me what I needed and deserved. He said he hasn’t ever been in this situation and didn’t handle it very well. This was so out of the blue to me because he had been so in the relationship. He pursued me, he repeatedly said he liked me and missed me when we weren’t together. I still have no idea what happened. He has completely blocked me from all sides. I don’t see how I can possibly get him back at this point. There’s no way of him seeing me to remind him of me. Something had to have happened, I just don’t know what. Is there any chance?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 13, 2017 at 6:01 pm

      Hi kimberly,

      im sure something happened too.. It’s impossible that he just decided in a minute that he wants to break up.. For now, stick to nc, be active in improving yourself so you can be more rational too.. After it, if you’re still blocked, set a limit on until when you would wait to be unblocked to initiate contact and buils rapport.. if he doesnt5 unblock you after that limit, move on..

  18. Laura

    February 10, 2017 at 7:19 am

    Hello!

    MY boyefriend and I recently got engaged. During the holidays he broke up with me because his family didn’t approved of our engagement! It had been 48 days since I apply the NC rule!! He never once contacted me! I’m still blocked from all social media and he never gave a sign of wanting to talk to me. I strictly apply the rule the day after we broke up which he did it by email! I haven’t contact him nor even try to do so. But I’m worrried because it has been over a month of no contact which he never even once try to reach me. Does this mean is over for good and I should move on? (He still has my things bc we moved in together a week before the break up) I wrote to a common friend to pls tell him to send me my things to my mothers home. But never heard from his friend nor him! And time keeps passing by so I’m scared. Out of desperation I went to have the tarot cards read and they told me that he was seen someone else and it was over for good. Ofc I didn’t like the negavite news the tarot cards gave me but so far I have no contact so don’t know what to do as of now.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 10, 2017 at 6:53 pm

      Hi Laura,

      how old are you both, how long were you together, and if you’re still blocked now, the only other choice is to extend nc.. How much did you improve yourself? Were you active in posting in social media?

  19. A

    February 8, 2017 at 1:56 pm

    Me and my ex broke up two weeks ago. He has gotten in some trouble and is facing time in jail (dui charges). He is beating himself up, rightfully so, however he has now pushed everyone away. On top of this episode in his life he is commitment phobic. I already read that article. I made the mistake of trying to get him back the first week we broke up but I’ve now started the no contact rule. My question is with him being in the certain situation that he is in should I just do the 30 days or longer? Or should I respond if he does text me just because of the low place he is in. Idk just want some advice.

    Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 8, 2017 at 5:30 pm

      Hi A,

      I’m sorry, I’m not sure I understood your situation.. He can text in jail? If he can, how often does he text you? Do you visit him in person? How long is his time there?

  20. Bardcore

    February 7, 2017 at 1:21 pm

    Oh man, so I posted a similar thing on the “if your ex wants to remain friends” page but it makes way more sense here.

    What if, during no contact, he wants to meet up to talk (in all likelihood about the relationship), whether it be talking about our former relationship, our current friend status, or the possibility of getting back together. How would I go about navigating those situations?

    It’s worth noting that not even two days after the break-up, we were hanging out getting things ready for a game night with a bunch of mutual friends, before I left, he asked if I’d be ok with sex with him (which I politely refused because duh). I’m a little unsure how to proceed. What can I do now to give myself the best possible chance of succeeding in re-kindling a relationship with this guy?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 7, 2017 at 10:28 pm

      Hi Bardcore,

      talking about the relationship or being friends will more likely him asking to friendzoned you..and from what you said, it looks like he wants to be friends with benefits with you..which all the more reason that you shouldn’t reply..unless he says he wants to get back together

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