The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Kerri

November 21, 2013 at 11:54 am

Hi

Hoping I can ask your advice. 15 days ago my ex broke off our relationship, after 10months off dating & 6months of being in a committed relationship. He told me that this is what he does, he gets scared/cold feet & that he was desperately unhappy with his ex before me that he would rather be on his own than be in another relationship like that again (he said she suffocated him). I asked him if I made him desperately unhappy & he confirmed no, not all all which I know is true from the times he allows us to spend together which are great. We always laugh & have fun, have lots of discussions, we’ve never had a bad word, not even when breaking up. His work is possibly taking him overseas & he does have a lot of work/social commitments in his life, but I have always given him plenty of space to do what he loves, he is a free spirit who loves to travel, but also possibly Mr commitment phobe. I told him during our break up that I was disappointed I was being judged by his ex’s mistakes & that I’m not her & that had he given me a fair chance he would see that. I have implemented the non contact rule since that conversation & I am investing my time & energy in looking after number 1, and im doing okay. Im keeping busy with family/friends & studying, but he is a wonderful person & I do love having him in my life & if I could start anew with him I would. I’ve faced up to the fact that it may never happen, however I am in love with him & have never told him this in those exact words, I’ve only mentioned I once that i have feelings for him & that seemed enough to make him scared. I guess what Id like to know is do you think I should after the 30days tell him exactly how I feel? (I feel i have nothing left to loose & fear I may regret never doing so) or just keep working on improving myself & let him see me all new & sparkley & see what happens from there? I’m torn with this decision because on one hand I’m being upfront & honest & want to show him that my love is different to his ex’s & feel if he doesn’t know he can’t act on it? or do i just keep it light & fun & away from the honest stuff, which seemed to push him away. I think I know the answer here, I just need an outside opinion if you could please.

admin

November 21, 2013 at 8:15 pm

Keep it light and fun…

Michelle

November 21, 2013 at 2:44 am

This is the first time I’ve ever commented on a website before, but your guides are so handy that I couldn’t resist, and I am desperate for help beyond belief!

My ex-boyfriend (21) and I (20) dated for two years before we broke up. We did long distance the first year (I was in Texas/Missouri while he was in Florida), and then due to some unfortunate circumstances on my part, I moved in with him and his family for the second year. Big mistake.

His parents were verbally abusive and extremely controlling and manipulative toward the both of us, and wedged their way into our relationship from the start. We had never fought quite like we did after I moved in with him. We underwent so much stress and had some terrible arguments, which were always about the same thing- his parents. We tried to get away from the situation so many times, but failed. They began telling him every day that I was destroying his life and I didn’t really love him or care about him, that I was using him and trying to take him with me on the “highway to Hell”. Because of this he started to resent me. None of it was true, but there was nothing I could do to convince him of that no matter what I did. Eventually, we were able to sit down and discuss the situation and agreed that if we continued to stay in that house together, our relationship would be destroyed. I told his mom that I wanted out because my ex and I weren’t on good terms, and I was very uncomfortable. Well, I should’ve known that she would take things to the extreme. She tried to manipulate him into breaking up with me, and kicked him out to live with his grandmother until she could send me to an emergency shelter because I was “causing her family to suffer”, and was “mentally unstable”. He came to see me the next night, and there was something very different about him. Long story short, he ended the relationship for good, and didn’t give me any explanation except that he can’t date anyone for a long time because he needs to focus on his life and his career. The day before, he had been telling me that we would get through this again and figure something out, and that he loved me and wouldn’t give up on me no matter what happened. Now he was just stone-faced and unloving and a complete dick. Well, I did all the wrong things that every girl does after a break up; I called, texted, e-mailed, and messaged him on Facebook about a million times. He would respond to me sometimes with short one word answers, or would completely ignore me. It was on and off. I came across this website (which is amazing by the way), and vowed to follow your guides religiously. First thing I did was send him an e-mail apologizing for my actions, and then immediately went into NC. I love this man very much. We have been through hell and back together (you have no idea), and I want to continue to learn and love life with him. I admit that I have made my fair share of mistakes in our relationship, there are no excuses for what has happened, but it can be fixed. I have faith in that. I just feel like this break up was such a rash decision, and was completely unnecessary and uncalled for. His parents changed his phone number (they told me they did because he asked them to, he didn’t want me to call him), so now we have no contact except for Facebook and e-mail, which he rarely uses. They are trying to convince him that I am and never was any good for him. I’m on day 6 of NC, and I’m going crazy, I feel like a recovering drug addict would, but I’m not caving in! He hasn’t contacted me yet, except for a “like” on Facebook, but that’s okay, because I can now make changes on myself that I haven’t been able to make before (rose-colored glasses). My only concern is that I have no good way of contacting him after the 30 days, and if his parents find out that he is communicating with me somehow, they will make sure to cut off ALL communication between us. I’m so determined to get my best friend back. What can I do?

Thank you so much for your time Chris, your great wisdom is so much appreciated! 🙂 And sorry for the long story, I’m a writer haha.

admin

November 21, 2013 at 7:01 pm

No problem. I am used to long messages.

Welcome to NC… your description is exactly spot on. It’s like going through rehab and having withdrawls. What are you doing to keep busy?

dilemmaSoul

November 20, 2013 at 6:52 pm

Hi there, ur advice were really good but the prob is I came in to this site too late.
My ex broke up with his gf of 4 yrs which he claimed he has no more feelings for n gt tgt with me a month later (is this still considered a rebound? ) but after six mths he broke up with me giving e reason that he was self centered n couldn’t make me happy. Like during exams when I needed him e most to keep me company thru whatsapp, he felt pressurized. After the break up, I stayed NC with him for a month before he contacted me again offering to celebrate my bday. That’s how we contacted n went out again. Went overseas twice over this period. N recently I was quite affected when he Actually msg this femAle colleague of mine like random things though it was her who started it first. I know they were just friends but I’m just feeling jealous that everytime in our convo, I’m the one who will initiate a topic but now he’s being so outgoing to other girls so I went to confront him. Obviously he wasn’t happy I know we were no longer together so it’s not right for me to b so possessive too. So I apologise n he said he’s not angry anymore, just wans me to not do that to my future bf. When he said that, I know he really see no Hope in us getting back tgt alr. So I tried to forget about him by not contacting him for a month Till I saw his photo on fb recently, my heart hurt alot. Couldn’t control myself n went to send a whatsapp to him asking him how is his life since we nv talk for a while. He only replied the next day though I can still see him online in whatsapp. When he replied, he just gave the neutral reply ‘still Ok, nth special.
That point of time I really feel sad that why didn’t he ask about my life. N e fact that he took awhile to reply me though he was chatting online. Guess he has found someone new. So I was really curious n ask him to tell me honestly If he’s been seeing anyone recently or into anyone. He replied a nope.

I was reli feeling insecure nw and feel that whatever I’m msging him with, it will make him irritated cuz it’s not his style to take awhile to reply me. So at that time I really wanted to try n forget him. here’s Wad I wrote “I was Actually hoping u will say yes so things can have a fresh start. Things r no longer e same whereby just a simple asking of how u are may seem like im poking into ur affairs. I won’t disturb u anymore. Hav a blissful life ahead n Hope you’ll find ur true happiness soon.”

That was my last msg to him. It’s been 4 days n he hasn’t reply n I can see him keep coming into whatsapp recently which is not like him last time as he doesn’t have much friends. So I recently feel that there’s alr someone new in his life.
I don’t know what to do now. a part of me wants to forget about him but I’m still willingly to give it a try to get back cuz NC is really a tedious process. I find myself deleting his number n adding him back again juz to see If he’s online anot. I noe I shldnt be doing that but I just can’t kill e jealously inside that’s he’s actually talking to a new girl.
Hope to hear from you on what i should do next. Pls…

admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:05 pm

I think in a week you should send him another message and really try to dictate the conversation and end it.

Robin

November 20, 2013 at 11:53 am

Hey Chris,

Your blog is wonderful! Even scary perceptive sometimes 🙂

I really would love your advice on tangly situation that is going on (please don’t judge me):
I met an amazing guy, since we were both in relationships we became friends. After some while friendship turned into affair. He broke up with his gf quickly, but I did not break up with my bf. Was not sure what to do and so confused. My affair guy wanted to be with me soo much that one day he told me he cannot live like that anymore, he is hurting and I need to make a choice. This decision making took a while, we were fighting a lot, until he said it’s over. About in a month I broke up with my bf, but he said he has moved on and is not interested in a relationship with me. I asked if there was someone else, he said no. Anyway, I started NC which is a bit tricky since we work in the same building, he tried to call or text me at first and then it stopped. I found out he has a new gf, and lied about it when I asked back then. I think that might be the reason he said he has moved on. I wonder if this could be a fake reality case? We known each other for about 2 years. He adored and spoiled me, wanted to commit and build a future with me, but I was too stupid, childish, confused and too much into “what would people say”. We always had a blast together, could talk non stop for hours and nights. The thing is in the end the fight was so bad, that he was angry as hell at me. Since I found out he had a new gf, I couldn’t start your advised steps after 30 days – I was not cool at all. So now we are on 90 days of NC (exept for times we see each other accidentaly in the building and say hi or so) and I think now might be the time already to try reconnecting. But I am afraid he is still angry and the fact he has a new gf might also not be good.

So I guess what I am asking is:
If this is fixable at all? Do we still have a chance?
Is this a fake reality that he has created now or is it real (he is ~3 months with a new girl)? I don’t believe that true love comes and goes just like that, but also that once the patience ends it just does and you cannot go back, what do you think?

admin

November 20, 2013 at 6:00 pm

No judging here.

1. Its fixable but it is going to take some work haha.
2. Hmmm… not sure its so complicated. I don’t think your feelings just stop its not that black and white. I do think you can go back but you have to make it worth his while.
Robin

November 21, 2013 at 8:03 am

Dear Chris,

Does some work mean the steps you have described in how to get you exbf back? All the time he told me he was feeling like my second choice and decided not to be a choice at all.
I am not sure how to proceed since he has this gf on the side and if he truly is commited there and wants to build a future with her I want him to be happy and do it.
It’s just that we talked 10s of times that what we have/had probably never happens in life. I still believe it and am sure that deep down he knows it too.

Thank you!
admin

November 21, 2013 at 7:59 pm

Pretty much!

Also it will take time so be patient.

Lizzie

November 20, 2013 at 11:40 am

Hello Chris!

Hope you are doing well

I was introduced to this guy by a friend who insist I meet up with him. I have been single for a year plus and i though what the heck, just go with it. Amazingly we hit it off right away, we can talk on the phone for hours and he is always the one initiating on asking me out and all. He confessed that he really really like me but we agreed to take it slow and date each other exclusively first before becoming a couple officially.

From then on, things have been really really great. We cook for each other, i come over to his place to watch movies or some sports games and he introduced me to his sisters and friends. He even asked me to bring a pair of shorts and leave it at his place so that i can change to something more comfortable when i am over (i have not slept over at his place before) that 3 months was once of the happiest times i have ever had in my life, he still consistently ask me out and we are always on the phone talking and keeping each other updated on our day.

He also go the extra mile but telling me who is out with just to gain my trust i guess. So one weekend, we decided not to meet as he has to do some work and yeah i wanted some girl shopping time. But while out shopping I started seeing things i know he needs like a new lunch box and socks. I got the stuff for him and went over to his place to leave it at his doorstep. As i was leaving his house area, he called me and said he can sense i am in his area, so i asked him to open his door and check what is outside. He was surprise that i did all that for him but he doesn’t sound happy, i asked if he wants to meet for awhile before i leave and he said ‘no’ and i let it be. The next day he called me and told me he doesn’t like surprises and i told him i expected him to freak out and we got over it. He started planning our next outing and said he will cook for me the coming weekend.

The next day, he msged me on skype and told me he has a surprise for me with a wink. And i tried to dig it out from him and he told me he got us matching water tumblers. He knew i was looking for one and i was really really touched. But the day after, he msged me to ask me out for dinner but since we were meeting the next day, we decided to just leave it to the next day.
He called me that same night and told me it is not working out between us he told me he can’t seem to find the spark between us and he is not physically attracted to me. He also mention that he does not see any future with me. I started crying of course. And he told me that this was a hard decision for him and he started crying as well. He even told me he did not finish grad school and i don’t get why he had to tell me that when i don’t really care. I asked him if he was crying and he cut me short and said he needs to do his ‘closure’ speech. He told me he won’t delete me off any social media platforms but he won’t contact me. And we hung up.

I am really really confused. How can someone be all sweet the day before and want to end things the next day? He always made future plans with me like how we should go on a trip next year and all. Really hurt and I have been trying my best to not contact him. It has been 3 weeks (NC rule) since i last spoke to him it hurts me and i really don’t know what to do. I miss him so much, and he is one of those guys i can really click with as we are so alike, somehow.

Since i am still connected with him via social media. I kinda noticed that he has not been himself, seems like he is stressed up with work and is full of angst? As or me, my social media updates and stuff has been my ‘normal’ me even though i am hurting and sad quietly.

Thanks! And if there is any questions about this whole problem, do ask me. I will gladly answer them.

admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:59 pm

Yes be as normal as possible.

Umm… when you talk are you always responding?
Lizzie

November 21, 2013 at 3:11 am

Yes i am trying to be as ‘normal’ as possible and i get my gf to check if in on my social media to see if i sound normal or not. So far it has been good, i have been FB-ing and tweeting about my usual stuff. Its hard i have to say!

What do you mean when I talk and always responding? Actually i dropped you an email after getting your e-book 🙂
admin

November 21, 2013 at 7:03 pm

I need to check my email… I will do that later today. It’s been a busy week so I cant get around to everyone like I used to be able to.
Lizzie

November 22, 2013 at 3:03 am

No worries chris! 🙂

I will wait for your reply and will communicate with you via email den! really really love your website, keep up the good work!
Lizzie

November 24, 2013 at 3:10 pm

Hey Chris,

I am almost at the end of my NC rule, last 5 days left. I noticed that my ex has been binge drinking and not himself! he posted songs on FB and all, but i dunno, i’m scared now. He told me that he won’t contact me and he won’t change his mind (while crying) . But i know i want to try it out again with him cause its worth it.
admin

November 24, 2013 at 8:25 pm

Go for it then. What is your text going to be like after NC?
Lizzie

December 18, 2013 at 4:14 pm

Hey Chris!

I really hope so too! trust me this is not the easiest thing i have to do, but i know it is worth it!

seems like he is posting stuff about going out for dinner with his gal pal and all, maybe in a bid to make me jealous? i know the existance of a few of that gal pals when we were dating.

something happened this morning, i tweeted joking and said that whoever who wants to hear my sexy voice, give me a call and you will be surprised. it was meant to be a joke.

but the next thing i know, i checked my phone and i got a miss call from him! i thought i was dreaming! but seems like he took my tweet literally.

so i dropped him a msg and told him my phone wasn’t with me and i was in a meeting and he replied back

‘you said sexy voice, so i called. only to be disappointed, HAHAHA’

i dunno this is abit of flirting for me? so i just replied ‘sexy voice is available the whole day. please try again later ;)’ and i closed the convo.

hope i did the right thing! apologies chris if my updates is bothering you!
Lizzie

December 24, 2013 at 3:52 pm

Hey Chris,

Latest update.

so i was out with my guy friend having xmas drinks at my favourite bar, and guess who i saw, HIM!

he knows that is my favourite hang out place and i frequent that place alot. even the last time he met up with me, we had drinks over at that place before things go abit bad!

it has been 4 days since i last saw him, i did not say hi, cause he was out with a gal pal (i recognise her from some of his pics). my guy friend’s back was facing him, so i kinda got a block from seeing him directly. but when my friend moved an inch, i saw at the corner of his eyes, he was looking at us! argh!

seriously??? im not trying to be territorial, but seriously?!
Lizzie

January 1, 2014 at 12:16 pm

hey chris!

happy new year! hope you had a great countdown!

latest update, since the day i saw him on christmas eve at my favourite bar, nothing has happened until new year eve.

so past midnight, he sent me a picture of a new year greeting he designed. i was shocked when i got that msg of his and till now i have not replied yet.

why is he being all weird, chris? he did not even acknowledge me when he saw me at the bar but now he is sending me happy new year msges?
Lizzie

December 27, 2013 at 5:21 pm

Hey Chris!

Merry Christmas! Hope you had a great one!

That very same night he saw me, he lost his phone. weirdly, i found that funny. haha!

but i really don’t get it, when i saw him at the bar, like why is he there?! of all place, THERE! and the last time i met up with him, he was going on and on about the girl and seems like my friends noticed the girl sounds alot like me!

was he trying to make me jealous? and if he really wanted to be friends with me, he could have just acknowledge me that night right?
Lizzie

December 25, 2013 at 6:26 am

hey chris!

i found out from my guy friend that when he went to the gents and walk pass my ex’s table he noticed my ex was actually trying to check him out! and my friend found that amusing!

i left the bar earlier that night and i did not even say ‘hi’ or acknowledge he was there. i pretended like i did not see him and had my own fun.

do you think i should have said ‘hi’? i don’t want to come across as being rude! and i’m curious, it was xmas eve, why wasn’t he out with the girl he is dating?
admin

December 26, 2013 at 5:51 pm

I think you should have acknowledged him to not seem awkward but you know what its not big deal everything is still a go.
admin

December 24, 2013 at 7:37 pm

Hahah a bit of jealousy looks like.
Lizzie

December 19, 2013 at 7:32 am

Hey Chris,

Actually I have a question, what if my ex is just being friendly? maybe abit of an over friendliness from his side? but such thing is possible right?

just abit worried that he is just being friendly with me!
Lizzie

December 24, 2013 at 12:37 am

Hey Chris,

2 weeks is fine with me. he has not been contacting me since that last msg from him.

and my friends are all pissed off at him now, for asking me out and talking about the new girl he is dating. i guess everyone expected him to practice self censorship?

but when i msg him, do i follow the same steps as previously?
admin

December 24, 2013 at 7:10 pm

I think so yes.
Lizzie

December 23, 2013 at 12:59 am

yeah i am into NC again. the last msg was from him from that night we met up and i just went into NC again.

how long do you think i should go for NC? and i dunno if i should msg him and apologise for being emotional that night?
admin

December 23, 2013 at 8:12 pm

Lets try 2 weeks. Are you ok with that?
Lizzie

December 22, 2013 at 7:06 am

Hey Chris,

honestly, i am truly devastated. i really do want him back and i love him so much. and i did everything pretty well and he has been giving me positive responses and even asking me out!

but when we meet up, he breaks me with this news. do you think i should just give up? or go into NC again? this really sucks.
admin

December 22, 2013 at 7:50 pm

Go into NC for a while.
Lizzie

December 21, 2013 at 8:58 am

Hey Chris,

i think you missed my latest msg, but here it is,

so i met him up for drinks and he apologise about how things ended between us. and he told me he is dating someone new and this girl has everything on his ‘check list’ 🙁

i really don’t know what do to now, i tried to play it cool but he might have seen through me. what should i do next chris? didn’t expect him to be so ‘connected’ with someone, so fast!
admin

December 22, 2013 at 2:21 am

Man I am sorry to hear that.

Do you still want him back after hearing all this?
Lizzie

December 20, 2013 at 7:07 pm

hey chris,

so i met him up for drinks and he apologise about how things ended between us. and he told me he is dating someone new and this girl has everything on his ‘check’ list 🙁

i really don’t know what do to now, i tried to play it cool but he might have seen through me. what should i do next chris? didn’t expect him to be so ‘connected’ with someone, so fast!
Lizzie

December 20, 2013 at 4:28 am

hmmm, i dunno! 20% of me said he is being friendly, or rather overly friendly.

i did tell you that he wants to go for drinks with me and booked me 2 weeks in advance, he called me up last night and told me he wants to bring it forward to this coming friday night instead. i told him i have dinner plans but should be able to see him but later on that night.

should i go for this? i dunno why he wants to bring it forward!
admin

December 21, 2013 at 3:30 am

Yes I think you should.
admin

December 19, 2013 at 7:37 pm

It’s possible but do you think that is what is happening in this case?
Lizzie

November 25, 2013 at 1:09 pm

First he posted a picture of the tumbler he got for us a day before he ended things to me on instagram and he used a quote i often use to him (which is weird, no other quotes for him to use?)

on the same day he posted a song by Fastballs “Out of my Head” on FB and den the lots of drinking starts. Seems like he tried to post pictures of him out drinking with his mates, but yeah i don’t think its his usual ‘style’

And just today he posted this tweet ‘Of all goodbyes, the kind that which hurts the most was the one your ears never heard of, yet your heart knew it has been already said. #emo’.

I really hope i am not over reacting or over thinking, but i have been very very strict with the NC rule.

Was thinking of doing the ‘remembrance’ text message. Maybe said i had coffee from this place he doesn’t like, and he always make fun of me for drinking coffee from that place. I can say i remembered him not liking that place and now i know why? which is true?

But he is not the text msg type, he usually calls me ALOT when we were still dating… hmm….
Lizzie

November 28, 2013 at 3:47 pm

hey chris,

first of all, happy thanksgiving!

so i msged him and i did not get a reply 🙁 this was my msg to him.

‘hey how have you been? saw someone using the same exact starbucks tumbler that you have in your room at my work place and it reminded me of you 🙂 ‘

i’m bummed… but i know i should not give up yet right?
Lizzie

December 17, 2013 at 11:09 am

Hey Chris!

Hope you are having fun getting ready for Christmas!

I noticed my ex has been initiating contact with me now. We last had a chat on skype on Saturday (he initiated this convo as well) and den i went NC for 2 days. I woke up on Tuesday morning and saw that he msged me on skype at 2.30am to tell me he was at this bar.

Here is the thing, the bar is somewhere i ALWAYS frequent, its like my hang out place and we had our first date there! but i was kinda puzzled by his action of telling me that he was there.

I took my time to reply but seems like he got impatient and he msged me again asking me if my friend that works at the bar is called AJ. another amusing moment for me actually, my friend’s name is NOT AJ, seems like he is trying hard to make contacts?

i chatted with him for awhile and he was the one telling me ALOT of stuff and he also told me that his friend tried to set him up with a 20 year old and he said no. i was kinda annoyed with the fact he kept bringing some ‘date’ story of his!

what do you think chris? i have been playing it cool and not showing any jealousy or anger.
admin

December 17, 2013 at 7:07 pm

I am acutally going to be working a lot hahaha.

I think you are doing great truth be told.
Lizzie

December 13, 2013 at 8:26 pm

Hey Chris! hope you are doing good! Just giving a little update and maybe you can share your thoughts as well?

So after texting to and fro and being the ‘ungettable’ girl, i had a hair cut, lost abit of weight and have been having alot of good healthy fun with my friends. my ex asked me out for drinks!

initially he msged me on skype (he initiated the chat) and asked me about some guy who commented on my picture on FB and when i asked him why he asked he went ‘haha! nothing’ and now he is all curious about my dating life. he kept asking me if i have seen anyone lately and i told him i have been out on friendly outings (which is true)

in between asking me about my dating life, he asked me out for drinks and he even set a date without me even asking him to set a date. he even said maybe we can talk about those friendly outing of mine over drinks. he even said he will tell me about his dates as well.

i dunno if i should take the meet up as a date. i am actually kinda nervous about it and i dunno a part of me is getting ready for him to cancel it at the last minute.

what do you think chris? is this going the right way? i dunno why he is so curious about my dating life when i have NOT asked him about his once!

a part of me is telling me that he just wants to see me and the whole finding out about my ‘friendly outings’ is just a cover up?
admin

December 14, 2013 at 9:54 pm

I think its going well…

He is curious b/c he is trying to get a guage on you.
Lizzie

December 6, 2013 at 8:33 am

Hey Chris,

seems like ex bf wants to be friends, in one of our texts, he did mention to me that i should be ready just in case i hear his dating stories. which is weird to me, cause he is given a choice to tell me or not right? he doesn’t have to tell me everything…

i have not been contacting him for 2 days, might just drop him a random text later today…
Lizzie

December 5, 2013 at 10:03 am

hi chris!

im just curious, if an ex ask a girl if they could still be friends after the whole 30 day NC rule, is that a good sign?
admin

December 5, 2013 at 7:04 pm

Yes.
Lizzie

December 4, 2013 at 7:10 am

hey chris!

i hope i am doing good!

so he sent me a msg and i as always took some time to reply to his msges (he msged me at 2am in the morning to talk about his new watch, of all things) when i did not reply to his msg he msged me on skype and said that we can still chat there.

So i took my time to reply to the first skype msg from him and when i did we started talking and we were asking each other how we were and all and he told me

‘my friend set me up with her colleague’

i admit i was crushed when i saw that. but i played it cool and somewhat ended the convo awhile later.

what should i do now? should i go into NC for a couple of days? thanks chris!
admin

December 5, 2013 at 1:10 am

I think you are.

And yes just for a few days 2-3 should be ideal.
Lizzie

December 3, 2013 at 7:55 am

hey chris!

i am done with NC actually, but i have been ending convos with him or by leaving him hanging.

but he has been dropping me late night msges, and i have been taking my own sweet time in replying as well.

i really want things to go well between us, but im trying to avoid the whole ‘friend’ thing 🙁
admin

December 3, 2013 at 8:00 pm

sounds like you are doing good to me.
Lizzie

December 2, 2013 at 4:46 am

hey chris,

so my ex msged me suddenly and went ‘so are we good to be friends lizzie?’

i really dunno how to react to this!
admin

December 2, 2013 at 7:08 pm

Are you in NC?
Lizzie

November 30, 2013 at 8:03 pm

actually a few people i know thinks the msg is rather ‘cold’.. hmm,

i replied to his msg after 4 hours with this msg,

‘well i have been taking it easy, haha! anyway im heading out to meet my friends, talk to you soon :)’

tried to keep it short and simple and yes i was trying to close the conversation too. earlier tonight I posted a status and a bunch of pics of my new hairstyle on FB and he was the first one to ‘like’ it…

so i will go for NC again for a couple of days and what should i text him next? another remembrance msg?

thank you chris for your help so far, i hope i am on the right track! slowly but surely 🙂
Lizzie

November 30, 2013 at 4:37 pm

Hey Chris!

Really sorry for flooding this comment section! But i have updates, so i had a brand new haircut, really change my look and guess who was the first one to ‘like’ it when i posted a status and pictures of it, HIM! any suggestions on what i should do now?

he replied my first contact msg like 2 days after though…
Lizzie

November 30, 2013 at 6:06 am

Hi Chris!

OMG HE REPLIED! AFTER 2 DAYS! i send him my first contact msg on a thursday night and he replied on a saturday afternoon.

‘I’m good, thanks for asking. take it easy lizzie’

i guess that is a positive reply? and what is up with the ‘take it easy’ bit? i guess i will take a few hours to reply and when i do reply, i will probably just close the convo?
admin

November 30, 2013 at 7:02 pm

I think its positive. But stay in NC after it for an extra day or two befor eyou reach out again.
Lizzie

November 29, 2013 at 2:29 am

yeah i am not, and weirdly i am not like totally sad about it! maybe because i did expect him not to reply?

but how was the msg i sent him? is it ok? and how long must i go on NC before i msg him again?
admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:09 am

I think it was ok… and as for NC.. just 2-3 days. or if he contacts you first.
admin

November 29, 2013 at 1:55 am

Happy Thanksgiving!

Not just yet. Don’t give up yet.
admin

November 25, 2013 at 8:34 pm

Hmmm… maybe try texting for a while just to see whats going on.
Lizzie

November 27, 2013 at 5:58 am

okie one more day before my 30 days is up, but i dunno why i am freaking out about msging him? a tad bit scared, is this normal? haha!
admin

November 27, 2013 at 8:20 pm

Yes very normal but take a chance it may surprise you.
Lizzie

November 26, 2013 at 11:10 am

oh i was thinking of dropping him a website link i think he will like via skype? or should i stick to msging first?
admin

November 26, 2013 at 8:20 pm

Hmm…. good question..

Stick with messaging first I think. Thats more proven.
Lizzie

November 26, 2013 at 3:58 am

hmm ok i will try texting him first. will try the ‘remembrance’ text message. wish me luck!
admin

November 26, 2013 at 7:54 pm

Good luck!

Brittany

November 19, 2013 at 9:01 pm

Hi! I have read through much of the website and it seems to me that it is all very reasonable, and worth trying. 🙂 My boyfriend of a year and a half just ended things by saying he just didn’t want a relationship. This is hard for me to understand though, because he recently was making much more of an effort and his company was very enjoyable. We bickered about keeping things clean, what we were going to do, just petty things, but to me, things seemed fine. He claims he still loves me very much, and wishes for me to remain a part of his life, but is adamant about not wanting to be in a relationship. He claims he is not ready to feel tied down. I am not sure if this is just a phase, or him trying to express he needs space.
For myself, I have some traumatic events that happened during my childhood and have yet to deal with them, until the break up. I started counseling and I let him know, because he said he wanted to be there. I am going to attempt the no contact rule now, since I did not know about it before. I am very close with his family, and holidays are coming up which I am supposed to be apart of.

So question one would be what do I do about the holidays?

Question two would be, if I’m just being thrown in the friend zone or if there is a chance of rekindling my relationship?

Thank you!

admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:24 pm

1. Give him as much space that you think is required this includes holidays.
2. I think its worth a shot..

Kali

November 19, 2013 at 6:07 pm

I am not sure what type or “guy” my ex is. When we broke up he said “I’ll text you tomorrow” and never did so we haven’t talked since but we ended things mutually, after he initiated the break up I informed him I was trying to break up with him he just never answered his phone (he broke up with me over a text and I told him if he wanted an explanation as to why I was acting like everything was normal then he needed to call me, so he did.) So we ended things on good terms, it’s almost been a month since we broke up but he hasn’t tried to contact me since then. Not sure if he is the stubborn guy or just clueless.

admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:10 pm

I am going to go with stubborn.

Jenn

November 19, 2013 at 3:15 am

Chris,

We’ve had NC for 15 days. Tonight he sends me a text that said he sold our hot tub and will give me half the $ this weekend. I didn’t respond. I was hoping for a “hi, how have u been text”. Instead it was a business transaction. What’s your take on it?

admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:50 pm

Why would anyone sell a hot tub?

Thats my take hahahaha.

Go get the money I just think he is being neutral about the situation.
Jenn

November 19, 2013 at 9:12 pm

He’s selling my stuff. Doesn’t want any memories of me. He gave me every picture and card I sent him Y do guys get rid of memories?
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:26 pm

Is it ok that he is selling your stuff? Isn’t it your stuff?

Madelin

November 18, 2013 at 3:07 am

Hey Chris!
My boyfriend broke up with me a little over a week ago. He is preparing to go into the Air Force and has a lot on his plate to get ready for that. So he told me that he is just so overwhelmed and stressed that being in a relationship isn’t good for him right now. I believe that that is true. But, I also believe that he has lost feelings for me as well but, just didn’t know how to say it other wise. This gets me very confused because he always told me that we’d get through him going through the air force together, when I was overwhelmed and nervous about it. Then once he gets too stressed he drops everything and doesn’t even try to work through it like he always said we could.
He even told me multiple times after he broke up with me that he still loved me and would always be there for me. I really don’t know what to think of that, but all I know is that just made it all hurt worse.
I broke the NC rule on that Sunday because I have one of his sweatshirts and wanted to give it back to him. Instead of it sitting in my closet, I knew it was one of his favorites so I wanted to give it back to him. So we made plans for that Monday night after our classes to meet and to give it back to him and so we could talk because he broke up with me over text and I just wanted to talk to him face to face one last time.
When it was the time for him to meet me I got a text from him saying he couldn’t meet because he had to go home. So we then made plans for Wednesday so I could give it back to him. Because of strong suggestions from my mom and my friends I didn’t text him on Wed. asking when we were going to meet. (He said that he’d text me wednesday saying when we’ll meet)
Needless to say, he didn’t text me or show up Wednesday. So now I have his sweatshirt and I’m stuck with a lot of questions. I have not contacted him since last Monday. But, I miss him a lot. What do you think it meant by him not coming to get his sweatshirt? About all of this?
I just have so many questions about all of this, I wish I could just talk to him one last time about this so I can get the closure I need. But, I guess I can’t always get the answers to everything.
Thanks!

admin

November 18, 2013 at 6:35 pm

Well ask me a question one at a time and we can get somewhere hopefully.
Madelin

November 19, 2013 at 12:45 am

Okay well first question is what do you think was meant by him not coming to get his sweatshirt?
admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:34 pm

Maybe he was scared to. There could be a thousand reasons but I am not sure if it is a huge deal you know?
Madelin

November 19, 2013 at 7:14 pm

Yeah true. I get what you’re saying. I guess when it all comes down to it. I’m just more upset he and I ddn’t get the chance to talk face to face. Because there is just a lot of unanswered questions that I was hoping to have answered by the time he an I talked. But, I haven’t yet.
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:18 pm

Well, it really sucks believe me I know.. Just stick to your plan and focus inward.
Madelin

November 22, 2013 at 9:00 pm

Thank for all your help Chris! I do have one last question though. Do you believe that the reason he gave me for breaking up with me was completely true or do you believe it was also the fact that he didn’t feel the same way for me that he used to?
admin

November 23, 2013 at 7:08 pm

I think that he lost some feelings and that he kind of didn’t give you the whole truth.. 90% of guys never do tell all the truth during a breakup though.
Madelin

December 16, 2013 at 3:48 am

Hey Chris,
So my 30 day NC ended a few days ago. He has yet to try to contact me at all. I still miss him like crazy, and this whole thing hasn’t gotten any easier. However, I have worked on myself during the NC time like you recommended.

I am nervous to be the one to try and contact him first because of a few reasons. My family and friends don’t recommend it, it may also be because they’ve all seen how upset its made me. AND the fact that around Thanksgiving he had removed the pictures of he and I together off of his profile on facebook, but it was just the ones he was tagged in. The ones he used of us as his profile pics are still there.

What had happened was a few days after he had broken up with me- out of anger and sadness- I decided to delete the pictures of us off of facebook. Because I thought the easiest way to get over him was to pretend like it never happened. But, after I deleted some I stopped because I decided I didn’t want to forget what happened between us since they were some of my best memories. So obviously I couldn’t repost the ones I had just deleted, so I just left what was there. Then three weeks later he removes the rest off of his profile.

So I’m not really sure what that means and I’m not sure if it would be best to text him after that. What do you think? Thanks 🙂
admin

December 16, 2013 at 6:38 pm

It is just a normal breakup thing.

Becky

November 17, 2013 at 6:26 am

Hey Chris!

It’s me again!

About a month ago, I texted my ex bf a text message that brought back good memories. He then responded negatively towards me. I then decided not to reply him back to let him cool off. Two days later, he texted me really nicely saying that it’s not he doesn’t care bout me, and that I need to move on and new doors will open. He even proposed on paying that he doesn’t mind catching up coffee with me. And ended that text off with smiley faces and ‘much love , Kyle’. He also mentioned ‘please let me know when you’ve received this text’.

I obviously did not reply him as I needed time for myself. He texted me the next day saying he understand why i’m angry (but I wasn’t even angry) and that he did tell me to stop messaging him twice, and that he wishes all the best for me. I did not reply to that text too.

Bout a month later, I texted him with an across the bow text (text your ex back by Michael fiore). He responded negatively asking why I keep coming back to text him and etc etc and that I did not reply to his previous texts and he wants to know what and why i’m doing this. I responded to him a few hours later saying that regarding the previous texts he sent weeks ago I wasn’t mad at him and that I agreed with him on the moving on part and that when things happen they happen for a reason and I thanked him for everything and I ended off with a ‘and you know what…?’

He then responded negatively with:
“Rebecca. With all due respect. I don’t care. I really don’t. You are delusional, or being so. What you do with your life has nothing to a with me. And I’m not going to be a subject of satisfaction for your needy ego. I’m glad you’re doing good. Please continue to be happy. Everyone deserves happiness. I have no idea why you think I care, stop being immature about it. I’m glad we broke it off, and Im so so so glad we did. Really, it was not a big deal. And most of the relationship was me waiting for you to get a life. Pfft, a waste of time. And you know what?…You do realise you have thanked me like 3 times…And what for, for what? Hahah, busy with assessments?? You are incapable of replying to a text if about a minute? Wow. Now, if you will excuse me, I’ve got my life to attend too…So, peace out, enjoy your life. All happiness to you. Cya!!”

I replied positively even though i have no idea what to feel OR DO. “All the best have a great life ahead! God bless! Later!”

I really don’t understand him now. First he wants to talk to me then he doesn’t want me to text him. I just don’t know what to do now. What do you think I should do? Any advice?

Help!

From,
Rebecca

admin

November 17, 2013 at 8:26 pm

Have you tried the No contact rule before.
Becky

November 18, 2013 at 9:21 am

Yes. I’ve tried the NC rule for 3 months before texting him again. My first text message had a positive response to him after the 3 months NC. However, I sent a good memories text a week later and he responded negatively. Then I gave another one month N.C. a try. During that period of time, a friend of mine told me that my ex bf asked bout me all of a sudden. I then text him a good memory text and he responded negatively. Two days later, he texted me positively even mentioning that he didn’t mind going for coffee with me sometime. I did not respond to that message as I was in NC again. And this is where the part mentioned above comes in…

I’m really at a loss now. What’s the next step I should do?
admin

November 18, 2013 at 7:06 pm

Ok, lets just focus your energies on establishing a connection and talking to him again.
Becky

November 20, 2013 at 3:28 pm

I have thought about a lot on establishing a connection and talking to him again.

I know if I did it correctly, i can get him back.

however, he doesn’t want me to text him and leave him alone. and he actually counted the number of times i texted him after he told me to stop texting him..

where do i go from here?
admin

November 20, 2013 at 6:07 pm

Give him time until he is ready.

Gab

November 16, 2013 at 9:18 am

Hi Chris

So I have an ex who does not believe in relationships. I ended up being unfaithful due to the fact that he never acted like he loved me and I felt that he was ashamed of me. I told him about the encounter and we broke up six months ago. We continued to see each other after that and he finally was able to admit he loves me but doesn’t want to have a relationship. Just recently I asked him again if he still doesn’t want to get back together. I have been fighting to get him back for the last six months. He basically ended it completely a couple days ago and I am now getting m stuff back from him tomorrow. He told me he’s not over me and does t know if be ever will be but needs to know if its possible. I said some pretty hurtful things to him out of anger and even told me if he gets ahd of me in the future the gesture may not be reciprocated. Do you think it could still be saved. I do love him very much. He has also said he has no direction and feels lost and needs to figure stuff out and have space. Will the no contact rule work still. And should I contact him first after the thirty days ? Thanks

admin

November 16, 2013 at 10:06 pm

Can I ask you what your reasoning for wanting him back is?

hdub

November 16, 2013 at 2:42 am

Hello there!
I have messaged you in the past about my situation which is kind of at a stalemate right now.

I won’t explain everything again but I pretty much want to know what you suggest doing if you have contacted him, things went okay but not great either. He responded but not much. I asked him to meet up and he said he wasn’t ready so i’m back in NC with him and have been for two weeks.

Essentially I just want to know what to do if you are giving them space and not being a text gnat and yet when you do try to talk with them you get nowhere? I request that you write a guide about this issue! My ex is pretty much avoiding me and it has been two months since our break up so I don’t know where to go from here.

Hope I communicated this clearly. Thanks again for all you do, it is very nice.
😀

admin

November 16, 2013 at 9:51 pm

Sorry I want to make sure I understand this right. You want me to write a guide on how to not be awkward when you text them out of nowhere?

Jenn

November 16, 2013 at 2:40 am

Chris,

My bf of 4 years dumped me 2 weeks ago. We lived together and he told me to pack my stuff and leave. The next day he posted on FB he’s in a new relationship which makes sense bc he’s been extremely mean and cruel to me for months. Every time I need to go to the house to get my stuff I need to have a police escort with me as he’s called the police saying I threatened to harm him ( not true)!! We haven’t spoke since. I feel like he sabotaged our relationship to be with this other woman. He kept giving me signs that I should dump him but I kept trying to fix the relationship. Eventually he had enough and dumped me. He did this once before, 3 years ago. Dumped me to see if the grass was greener then came back. I’m sticking to NC. I know he’s angry at me but I also think he doesn’t care. He texted me the day I moved out that he felt “relived”. I didnt respond. Will NC make him miss me? Pls advise 🙁

admin

November 16, 2013 at 9:50 pm

It certainly can do that but there is no guarantee obviousl.

Sarah

November 15, 2013 at 11:50 pm

I have a stubborn ex. I broke up with him but realized it was a rash decision. We didn’t talk for about a month then I reached out to him via text and we actually went to have a drink. He told me he wasn’t interested but we still texted for a few days after. I don’t know if he freaked out, or thought he was losing control of the situation but I tried calling him last week and he ignored me. I was really upset and ended up sending him an email basically pouring my heart out and he never responded. Did I totally ruin my chances, or should I try repeating the NC period and reach out to him in a month? Help!

admin

November 16, 2013 at 9:38 pm

Right now I think its smartest to repeat NC and reach out in a month and no you didn’t ruin your chances.

Chante

November 15, 2013 at 3:04 pm

Hi Chris,
I had been goin out with my guy for about nine months… we weren’t exactly exclusive( if that makes since). He calls/texts me everyday we were intimate I ended up getting pregnant and eventually lost the baby 🙁 Before I lost the baby we were making plans to move in together and be a family…I was at his house like every other day.. He started seeing another girl but claims that they are just friends and he’s just sleeping with her?? She is over his house more and more and me less and less. He even skipped work to be with her and went out to a bar with her on a work nite?( something he never does with anyone) He stopped calling/ texting me since he’s been hanging out with her… How can he just walk away?? Is this salvageable?

admin

November 15, 2013 at 8:18 pm

Do you think he is just scared of commitment with you?
Chante

November 15, 2013 at 9:04 pm

He did say that he felt like he wasn’t right for me because I’m a ” good girl.” Whatever that means? I guess because I’m in nursing school and have never used a recreational drug in my life..Idk … but at the same time he told me that his ex messed him up from ever loving another woman because she hurt him…I try my best to show him that I’m not like that.. He said he doesn’t like this new chick like that but he’s doing all the things that he wouldn’t even do with me he would never allow me to sleep over consecutively during the work week…… he did end up calling last nite and said that he missed me…I feel so tossed to the side…What should I do?
admin

November 16, 2013 at 8:49 pm

Well its good he called at least.

Just remain calm at this point. What are you doing to evlolve and improve yourself during this time?
Chante

November 17, 2013 at 12:31 am

Just concentrating on school as this is my final semester… He called me last nite and asked me to come over and I declined….I called him today he didn’t answer but the new chick answered his phone and we had a nasty altercation…. she said he wasn’t there and that she was his gf I replied if u were his gf why was he calling me at 1am and I texted a screen shot off his missed call to me… I’m thinking dude? You never let me answrr your phone?? but u let her? Chris should I just putt one foot in front of the other?
admin

November 17, 2013 at 7:53 pm

Sorry what are you saying? Your message confused me..
Chante

November 17, 2013 at 8:33 pm

His new girl answered his phone and we got into it(had a shouting match).. he never allowed me to answer his phone… why is he letting her?? I sent her a screen shot of his missed call to me… letting her know that he is still contacting me….Do u think that I should just walk away or do you think we can work on it? I think I’m going crazy…
Chante

November 19, 2013 at 4:36 pm

and if he’s thinking about me while hes spending his time with her…
admin

November 19, 2013 at 7:44 pm

Thats a good thing right?
Chante

November 20, 2013 at 5:24 pm

what is the likelihood that he’s thinking about me while he is now in a relationship with her?
admin

November 20, 2013 at 6:07 pm

High I think.
Chante

November 20, 2013 at 1:23 am

and where do I find good feelings vs bad that u suggested?
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:35 pm

I think its in teh calling guide.
Chante

November 19, 2013 at 8:05 pm

yeah…I guess but whats the likelihood that he is?
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:17 pm

The likelihood that he is?
admin

November 18, 2013 at 5:47 pm

I think walking away is the smartest option.
Chante

November 18, 2013 at 6:28 pm

me too… I’ve invested so much time…. this really hurts! I guess my main question is why did he choose her over me…
admin

November 19, 2013 at 5:37 pm

She could be new, she makes him feel better than you did (see good feelings vs bad feelings.)

Autumn

November 15, 2013 at 8:20 am

Hi Chris,
Im sure you are a very busy man and I have read a few of your posts and would like some advise From you on my situation. Okay so me and my recent ex were together for almost two years, we were engaged and I am still very much in love with him. I do want to get back together with him and we have been broken up for about three weeks. When we broke up I did all the wrong things called, begged, bla, bla. Okay so then I started blogging to get advise and the next day I completely cut off contact. I think you have some great methods and ideas to “get your ex back” but theres a problem with my situation. We fought a lot towards the end of the relationship and I know why he decided to break up with me but we were always willing to work through things right up until the end.. So the problem I have is we lived together the whole relationship and he is now at his moms (which I am sure she had an effect on this) but I have all of his stuff here I mean everything. He was gonna come and get it day after we broke up but never came and as I wasn’t speaking to him, I didn’t ask why. I have been doing good with NC and its helped me figure out a lot of things that went wrong and need to change and I think the space is definitely good for us. But the fact that I have all his stuff and were both doing our own thing bla bla, Im not so sure that your NC, then the texting methods after NC would work. I definitely wanna get on his good side, like I said ive read your posts but am just woundering if approaching it like that would work. And for instance doing the texting “steps” Also confused about why he hasn’t gotten his stuff maybe that means hes hurt, angry, and doesn’t wanna deal with it right now. Or maybe that gives me a little more of an advantage? What do you think? And thanks!

admin

November 15, 2013 at 7:38 pm

Ok, well lets see if we can do something about that. What specifically aren’t you comfortable with.
Autumn

November 15, 2013 at 8:39 pm

Okay well for instance, once I stop NC in a couple weeks do you think I should follow your texting steps. Its not so much that Im not comfortable with it but do you think it would still work with my situation. For example doing a confession text, then depending on reply taking it further to the next steps etc. I was actually thinking about buying the system but don’t wanna do that if I should be approaching it in a different way. What do you think?
admin

November 16, 2013 at 8:37 pm

Absolutely you should. Definitely do so!
Autumn

November 21, 2013 at 12:19 am

Hey Chris Autumn again. So I waited on it to see what hapened. It has been over three weeks since my ex and I broke up and about two days ago he did actually contact me, but tis is what I was worried about. As I said before I still had his stuff well he texted me and asked when he could come get it and I decided not to reply as I am finishing at least 30 days of no cantact. My problem now is, which I was trying to explain before is this. I didnt contact him back but dont you think it would be wierd if I finished the no contact then as I said did a confession text then say bla bla depending on his response. Because thinking about it I have a feeling he would say something like, “okay.. when can I come get my stuff?” I dont know its just that the fact that hes contacting me for his things (which I dont want and have no problem returning them) doesnt show me that he contacted me because he misses me or anything. Im not sure, but after NC is finished what steps should I take when I decide to make contact? Should I maybe start off with something different? I aslo have looked at his fb.. I know i shouldn’t haha but I did and think he is starting to see another woman. Im not sure how much of that has an impact on whats going on between him and I, but Im sure a lot, and it hurts. Whats your best advice for my situation really confused on how to approach things and what to say, besides acting like Im happy and dont care. Please let me know what you think. Thanks again!
admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:49 pm

After NC… I would start by following the texting guides on this site or the “chasing guide” or if you really want the answer grab the E-Book.
Autumn

November 23, 2013 at 9:04 pm

Hey Chris Autumn again. So I took your advice and read the “chase theory” Ive been thinking alot about the next steps I want to take tho as tomorrow my NC is up. My ex has actually contacted me a few different times in the last week but it was to get his stuff back. I dont want him to think that I want to like hold on to some part of him, so I think now that im thinking logically thats the best thing to do. He keeps trying to text me and I can tell hes a little angry that I havent replied, so now that NCs over I was thinking about texting him back. My question for you is this. What do you think about me kind of leaving him hanging. Saying something like “I dont know when ill be back home. It will leave him hanging on an answer he wont know what im doing where i am either which im sure will make him question those things. Then in a day or so tell him ill be home and he can come get it. What do you think about that? Also whats your best advice on what i should say when i see him to give him his things. I know act like everything’s fine and happy but should just be short and sweet, heres your stuff take care or what? Let me know what you think please and again thanks for all the help your sight and comments have really been a lot of help!!
admin

November 24, 2013 at 6:57 pm

I like everything. You seem like you have a good grasp! Even on the what to do when you meet him for stuff exchanging.
Autumn

November 23, 2013 at 9:10 pm

Oh and one more thing i forgot. To follow your texting steps what if I approached it in that way as I said ^^^. Then after he has his stuff and he sees how great Im doing without him I am sure after he sees me he will be missing me. So what do you think about me giving it a week or so after that and see if maybe he texts me. Or if not at that point I can send a confession text and take things from there. I think the situation, having his stuff, him having a reson to have to see me, it should give me some type of advantage over the situation. Dont ya think?

Roxy

November 14, 2013 at 11:53 pm

I did no contact for over 30 days. I spoke to him tonight and he said there’s no way we will get back together. Is it really over?

admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:09 pm

Right now yes, in the future maybe not.

Heres the problem. You went from zero to 60 right out of the gate. THATS a HUGE mistake.

Emma

November 14, 2013 at 11:15 am

Hiya 🙂 My ex figured out that I’m doing the no contact rule. He’s text me saying he knows what I’m doing and he’s looked up what exactly the no contact rule is. I’ve no doubt he’s been on this site. What do I do? Will it still work?

admin

November 14, 2013 at 7:50 pm

How do you know he has been on this site.

jhemira

November 14, 2013 at 9:45 am

Hi Chris!
Thankz for the guide I just saw your site a few days ago, coz i realized that i really want my boyfriend back.
But I’m kinda hesitant with the NC rule., coz u see we were going out for 4 years then he suddenly told me that he needs space to find his old self so i decided to give him space. After giving him the space he needed i was kinda devastated coz he was not texting me at all. And i was like texting him every now and then., After 3days after i gave him the space he needed he said that he wants a break up so i wont be hurt and all, of course i was hurt, and he said that we can be friends. Then i did not know what to do coz i just don’t want to be friends with him, so i begged and plead him(i know I’m stupid) to come back but he never did. After a week or two he was already dating a new girl.. Of course i was devastated when i heard that. so i tried to be friends with him and there are times that we talked/text about what really happened, or why it ended and stuff like that and i got so emotional for the first or two weeks. he wanted me to move on think positively and stuff like that. he also said that if its possible i should forget about him. Now its been a month since we broke up and I’m still trying to be friends with him while trying to move on coz i don’t want to forget him. this 1 month transition i was always texting him asking him if he already ate and stuff like that.(he would text me if i think he’s not with his new girl and he wouldn’t if i think he’s with his new girl) ., during his break time (coz he works night shift and his new girlfriend is a coworker of his) i always text him to eat and stuff like that even though i know that he already has a girlfriend to do that. and of course during the 1month period he did not reply to those kind of texts during his work. then yesterday i didnt text him for 12 hours lunch to lunch., i was kinda surprised that he was texting me asking if i am upset, angry, busy or anything., so i replied that i was busy. then he said that he’s not ok., i dont know if hes not ok because i did not text him or there is another reason. if there is another reason he would tell me but he wouldn’t, he would always say that he don’t know whats wrong, why is he feeling like that.,

so here is why I’m hesitant.
1. he said that i should forget about him
2. he said awhile ago that his feeling where kinda confusing for him
3.he already has a girlfriend and he doesn’t even mind texting me., its like i would text him 5 messages and he would reply only once.
4.i think he really likes the new girl

admin

November 14, 2013 at 7:43 pm

1. If he was emotional when he said it he may not have meant it.
2. It happens and its not always a bad thing.
3. This is a bummer you may need to lay off a bit.
4. Just give it time.
jhemira

November 15, 2013 at 12:28 am

Thankz for the reply Chris! 🙂

I’ll proceed with the NCR., just to give it a shot. thank you very much 🙂
I’ll tell you the result of your guide thankz thankz 🙂
admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:21 pm

Hey at this pint you have nothing to lose 🙂
jhemira

December 11, 2013 at 8:16 am

Chris I’m still doing NC but he only contacted me just twice first message was “Are you trying to avoid me? fine if that’s what you want but you should’ve told me” it was like in an angry manner. Then 2 days after his first message he changed his relationship status to in a relationship. Then his second message was “hi take care always” that’s it. I’m improving myself, updating my facebook once in a while. He clicks like on my profile pictures and albums but he also do it with the rest of our mutaual friends. I don’t have any news with regards to what he feels or if he misses me. he is also uploading photos with that girl but it usually is group photos and there is no album that contains just the two of them.
I’m doing good with this NCR i feel like a burden has been lifted, but i still want him back. So far I am not that emotional, I am starting to think of him less and less each day, and I am enjoying my life. But I know I still want him back. My question is does he not think of me? is his feelings totally gone? and is it still possible to get him back?

abby

November 14, 2013 at 9:18 am

Hi, Chris

I want to ask you about your opinion about an ex who don’t tell anyone about his break-up. my ex didnt tell anyone about our break up.. thanks..

admin

November 14, 2013 at 7:41 pm

First off that is very weird, secondly he may be too scared to talk about it or it hurts him a lot.
abby

November 15, 2013 at 3:23 am

was that mean that he actually don’t want to break up with me?
admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:47 pm

What do you mean?
abby

November 16, 2013 at 6:20 am

if he don’t want to tell anyone about the break up (because it hurts him), is that mean that he actually don’t want to break up with me?
admin

November 16, 2013 at 9:58 pm

Maybe but I wouldn’t get overly excited about it you know.
abby

November 17, 2013 at 5:11 am

ouh okay..
abby

November 17, 2013 at 5:44 am

so.. what should i do now? i did the NCR and text-ed him for his up coming exam and he replied straight up. then, 2 days after that i send him funny video (laina jb fan.. the overly attached gf haha) and i said that her (laina) attitude like me. and he didn’t reply. then i told him that im sorry if he didnt feel comfortable with the video and i deleted the video. so.. should i wait for 2 weeks to text him or what and how?
admin

November 17, 2013 at 8:25 pm

Wait the two weeks to text him.
abby

December 1, 2013 at 3:56 pm

hi, chris.. its already two weeks now.. i am so nervous to text him.. what should i text now? i don’t feel like ‘remembering the past’ text will helps.. is there any options? i’m so afraid.. or should i just do the NC again?
abby

November 17, 2013 at 5:44 am

sorry i haven’t bought your e-book yet. but i will. very sorry..
admin

November 17, 2013 at 8:24 pm

No need to apologize at all.

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