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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
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Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
Post categories
MT
December 27, 2013 at 5:14 pm
So i tried NC and he became the frantic caller turned ignorer. because of which i slipped and told him i like him and that i miss him. he said okay.
now hes blowing hot and cold. messaging alot on a few days and ignoring me sometimes.
what do i do?
Alisha
December 28, 2013 at 6:01 pm
Why exactly do guys do that? One minute it’s like they are trying for you again and the next it’s the end of that and so on..
Natalie
December 27, 2013 at 1:16 pm
Chris it’s Natalie again. I did NC for 24 days (after I begged non-stop for 2 months) and it worked.. he texted me on Christmas Eve, I replied: “you too”. Yesterday I casually texted him, he replied and we ended up exchanging like 10 texts remembering stuff we liked to do together. He ended the conv by saying talk to you later and sent me a kiss. I dont know if he really meant that we would talk again or he was just saying that..
What should I do next?? I think that what happened is that we had spent the last 3 Christmas together so this one reminded him of me. What can I do to get us chatting again??
admin
December 27, 2013 at 7:47 pm
Leave him wanting more.
Natalie
December 30, 2013 at 11:53 am
how do I do that? He hasn’t contacted me since that talk, which I initiated. I did text him 2 days after that talk and asked him if he was back in the country (he went away for Christmas)and he did not reply. I guess I have to wait for him to do it? I reeeeally don’t wanna act like a fool, texting him and getting no answer..
Caitlin
December 27, 2013 at 7:37 am
Hi Chris,
So I apologize that this is so complex, but that’s my life. It sucks. My best friend just sent me a message saying she was skyping with my ex, and he was complaining about how I wasn’t talking to him. What am I supposed to do? My best friend will blab to him if I say that I’m still in love with him. I hate that we share the same best friend, but we do and it sucks. I found this website like a good month after the breakup so we were on good terms by then and I was his friend. I had already babysat his dog while he was in school. But then I found this and started doing it. This is the problem with starting the program late. I was on good terms with my ex and so it’s confusing the hell out of him why I’m doing NC and might make him really angry. Yeah it’ll make him miss me but it’ll piss him off. What the hell am I supposed to do?? How do I explain myself to my best friend?
Caitlin
December 27, 2013 at 8:46 pm
I’m not planning to contact him, but what explanation do I give to my friend?
admin
December 28, 2013 at 7:12 pm
Just say you need some time.
admin
December 27, 2013 at 7:37 pm
Don’t contact him until NC is up. You don’t owe your ex anything right now.
Melody
December 27, 2013 at 12:32 am
HELP! I am on day 8 on NC. However, my ex had been texting me days 5-7 and even showed up one day to “get some of his things” but he only took a few chargers and stuff, no clothes! He was living with me prior to the break up and has not taken anything with him except a backpack of clothes on the first day he left. He was trying to spend Christmas with me and stuff but I refused. I have ignored most of his texts(except the ones about his things and I kept it down to 1 or 2 word responses). When he showed up here unexpectedly, he asked why had I packed his things. He also noticed I packed the promise ring he recently gave me and he pleaded with me to keep it. I said I didn’t want it and so when he left, he left it for me on my steps. Anyway, I have done well to not contact him at all, and I deleted my facebook. However, mutual friends have come to me and told me he’s posting very angry statuses and he is not acting himself. He also has a rebound in the picture and is posting statuses about her. I feel like he’s doing all this to try to get a reaction out of me. Like on Christmas morning he was texting me and I ignored it, so he started texting like he was really mad. He posted on facebook something about how he bough “someone”(he’s referring to me) Christmas gifts and he’s all alone on Christmas and didn’t get a thing. I’m really confused! He hasn’t said anything to me about wanting to get back together, but his actions are as if he wants me to try to be with him, and then he gets angry because I don’t give him what he wants. Then there’s this stupid rebound that I feel like he’s pretending to like so much. Can I really win him back after all this and how?
admin
December 27, 2013 at 7:26 pm
Yes you can.
And you have such a pretty name might I add.
Alanna
December 26, 2013 at 6:42 pm
Hi, Chris!
First of all I would just like to say you’re an angel. I found your website yesterday. Okay, so I think I might have a special case. My ex’s mom died a few years ago, and he definitely has some abandonment issues which I think played into our breakup because he got too close to me and got scared. You know what I’m saying? Like his relationship with his mom is going to affect all relationships he has with girls. So I think it’s really possible he may have consciously or subconsciously sabotaged the relationship because he had the mind set “I’m going to leave before she does.” Because beforehand he was saying things like “I want to marry you”, “I’d like to become apart of your family”, “I’m never leaving you, baby.” We broke up about a month ago (on Thanksgiving -_-). He broke up with me because (his words) he didn’t have time, and I lived too far away (a whole 20 minutes — rolling my eyes). I told him I still wanted to be friends and that I would always be there for him. He was like “yeah we can still talk.”The day after we broke up I didn’t text him all day, but around 6 he texted me that his favorite movie was on. (??? I thought that was weird behavior) It was a really short conversation about four texts long. I was missing him about two hours later so I wanted to see his picture a la Facebook. This was when I realized he had blocked me.???????? I have never once in my life said a mean word to him. Our breakup wasn’t bad. I don’t know if he was like talking to others girls and assumed they would post on his wall and didn’t want me to see or what. So I texted him “why am I blocked?” and he goes “you are? ” and blames it on his best friend. We had quite a long funny conversation after that. Then the next day I text him and he starts talking about these girls he is texting. And how one of them is smoking hot. So me being me I said “Can’t you tell them to leave you alone :(” and he texts back “ugh (hug)”. Then he told me he doesn’t want to date right now. Anyways, he also told me a little after that he had this massive crush on this different girl. But we continued to have funny light conversations about everday for two weeks. I was getting so annoyed about those girls, though. Also, our conversations were getting much shorter the third week where I would only get an “lol” for a response. There was a period where I didn’t text him for three days. I decided I needed to move on, but talking to other guys just made me miss him so much. After a few days after not texting him at all (again about three), I wrote him this huge email about how I missed him, everything guys did that reminded me of him, and that I wanted to get back together. He texed me “idk” then “sorry I’ve been snowmobiling with someone a lot lately.” As in ANOTHER girl. I also realized he so has time. He proceeded to tell me they run around all night together, but didn’t know if he was going to date her. Conversation, conversation, I said I was okay with it all, and we agreed we were buddies. I didn’t text him for five days. Then I did. And again that night telling him I wasn’t going to abandon him and that I was always here to listen. (He always always always talked to me when something was wrong/bothering him.) He replied that he would always be there for me, too. I didn’t reply because I didn’t really think I needed to. Then Christmas day he texts me merry Christmas FIRST! Whooooa. That was a shock. He never does that. So I texted him back humorously saying that all I wanted was for Christmas was for him to unblock me on Facebook. Cause I was still blocked.????? Why? I have no idea. He replies with “Why???”
ME:”Why not?”
HIM: “Why do you want me to?”
ME: “Why do you not want to?”
HIM: “I asked you first.”
ME: “I asked you second. Whoa.”
HIM: “Be serious”
Then I told him I thought it was weird, and he texted me “No its not just that now is it”. I told him it wasn’t and that I blocked people when they were rude so I thought it was weird that I was blocked. I asked him whar reason he thought I had (at 5:31 PM Christmas day). He replied “I don’t know.” this morning. I am assuming he thought it was because I didn’t want to move on and missed him and wanted to look at his pictures. Because that was the reason I initially found out I was blocked — he had asked why I was on his Facebook anyways so I was truthful. I didn’t reply to him this morning, though. ***Also, when he uses periods it means he is upset. And there was a period this morning. Anyways, is no contact still okay if he says he needs me? Like to talk. Because I said I would be there for him and his mom issues factor in.
admin
December 27, 2013 at 6:52 pm
Yes it definitely is.
Lexi Dawson
December 26, 2013 at 5:07 pm
I cheated on my biyfriend but techniqally he wasnt we broke it off in july and he said he wanted to wait until we were a bit older and I said fine but he stopped talking to me and got annoyed because I was texting him everyother day he said he wanted space we were on a break so I said fine and stopped and then I sent him a picture of my chest and he started talking to me normal again but only if I sent him dirty pictures so I did then he ignored me again so I hung out with this guy and we had sex (if my boyfriend and I were as close as we were before summer I would have never done it but it was becasuse he treated me like yesterdays trash that I did it) it was terrible I hated it I felt so disgusted about myself I told him to stop and we went back to school. I kept it from my ex for abiut a month and then I couldnt take it anymore and we were talking and I told him I have to tell you something and I told him and he freaked out he swore at me called.me horrible names that still burn in my mind and I dont think will ever go away and he told me to fuck off amd get out of his life forever. I have done NC since December 9 and then a few days ago I sent him a fb friend request and he denied it so I stopped again now I just read this artical and I realized hes the angry one will he ever talk to me again? Ive read you what to text back artical and I could think of any examples I ciuld use. I want him back chris hes the most greatest thing that has ever happend to me id do anything for him and id do anything to get him back I love him we were together for over a year and its been the greatest year of my life I messed up and if I could take it back I woild please help me
Alina
December 26, 2013 at 6:08 am
Hi Chris, me again… 🙂 so it’s been almost 3 weeks since the brake up and my ex ( the mid caller) decided to call, txt and email. I did not responded, and let me tell u, it feels good to ignore him! I got him where I want him. His excuse was ” to wish me a Merry Xmas” when the first thing that came out his mouth was that Xmas meant nothing to him, also called to say that if I ever needed help or someone to talk to that he will always be there oh and that just bc we has our differences doent mean he doesn’t care or love me ( but this morning my friend saw him coming out of a nasty motel with his ex girlfriend) what a joke some men can be… I’m in the process of moving to another area code… I still love him but he feels so secure I’m gonna call him ask for help, wtf? Not once I asked for money or anything while we were together so why is he offering help now? I don’t need it. I’m very strong and I will never ever ever contact him. ” gonna seat back and watch the craziness ensue” Chris words 😉 thank you!
admin
December 26, 2013 at 6:26 pm
He is just being nice or maybe the Christmas spirit got him.
Alina
December 27, 2013 at 12:51 am
Should I continue the NC rule?
admin
December 27, 2013 at 7:22 pm
Yes mam
Alisha
December 25, 2013 at 3:19 pm
I need help. 4 weeks ago I found out that he was dating other girls. I should have enforce no contact right at the moment when I found out but I didn’t. Instead we quarrel a little here and there and we got together as fwb. Then I enforced one week of no contact and told him I don’t want fwb. During this one week of no contact, he thought I don’t want to be his friend. I initiate contact after a week and he was happy but he seems to not really want to meet up. Then I started to check in with guys in fb and eventually he initiated and started to tell me sorry and why he couldn’t meet up that day and started to answer my questions that I had asked. But nothing about us getting back together and start anew. And then we agreed to send each other a New Years card with what we want to accomplish next year but at the same time I’m thinking about doing a 30 days no contact bc when he apologized and told me and thank me for the things I did. I tested him to see if he mean it and if he would make an effort to see me but he didn’t respond. So that’s why I’m thinking about doing the 30 days no contact but at the same time I have to send him a card next week so idk what to do. Help? Should I send him the card? What happen if there’s a surprise I’m the card? Which I highly doubt tho. Or should I just do no contact n forget about the card?
admin
December 26, 2013 at 6:02 pm
I think you should definitely do the 30 day NC rule.
Alyssa
December 24, 2013 at 8:58 am
I started dating a guy back in June/July. Things moved pretty quickly, we both hadn’t felt like this for another person in years. He left the beginning of August for a friends wedding back home 12 hours away and came back saying he wanted to move back home and was homesick and put things between us on hold until he made a decision. 2 weeks later he took me to meet his family back home for his sisters wedding but we went “as friends” since he hadn’t made up his mind about moving back. We slept together for the first time on that trip. When we got back home we were inseparable, he decided not to move back but said we should continue dating and if he decided to move he wanted me to move with him, he started talking about “when we get married, have babies”. My lease in my apartment was coming to an end and he asked me to move in. I agreed and told him I’d move in as long as we were in a committed relationship. He said he wanted to be together but right now we weren’t “bf/gf” even though we were moving in together. I decided not to move in and 4 days later he said “I think it’s better we just be friends”. at first I have him space then I begged and pleaded. That didn’t work so I went quiet for a few days. He texted me one Sat morning “are you don’t crying yet?” I replied yes and from there he was texting me every weekend and some during the week. It was clockwork. He invited me to his work fundraiser for cancer patients out of the blue and it was the first time we saw each other in a 1.5 months. From then on he was wanting to see me all the time, initiating all contact and calling, dinner, movies, helped me shop for my new car. I didn’t ever bring up the relationship and we didn’t do anything physical and if we went days without speaking I didn’t freak out because I knew I’d hear from him. He started getting flirty with me again and saying sweet things so by Wednesday 12/18/3013 I told him I still had feelings for him to which he replied “I don’t have feelings for you and we won’t be getting back together and if you can’t accept that, then we can’t be friends” so I told him we shouldn’t speak anymore and I blocked him on Facebook. Today is day 6. We ended things October 5 and he stayed in contact with me, this will be the longest we’ve gone without speaking.if I did ignore him texts, he’d reply again or send something like a picture of something for my advice or say “your turn”. I’m not sure if I can get him “back” since he said he has no feelings, I just don’t understand why he’d string me along and take me out, initiate every conversation and I just played it cool thinking it’d eventually evolve. I guess I need to use NC to just move on because apparently he just wants to be friends. I’m not sure if I’ll hear from him during NC.
admin
December 24, 2013 at 7:33 pm
Look at it this way, you have nothing to lose with NC.
Rachel
December 24, 2013 at 5:06 am
So, I am just confused. I get the NC rule, but I’m a teenager and my boyfriend and I broke up and I’m trying to get him back. I’m what you call addicted to twitter, so in addition to the NC rule, I stopped tweeting. Is this good, as well? It’s also hard to run into him since we don’t live in the same town, so should I put like one or two a month just to let him know I’m fine without him? I don’t know how social networks should be run during the NC rule..
admin
December 24, 2013 at 7:22 pm
I actually wrote a guide on Facebook on this site.
Coco
December 23, 2013 at 3:12 am
He and I met knowing that i’d have to leave to live abroad so we kinda started with the wrong foot. We were together for two intense short months and then i had to leave, but we decided to stay together LD. I wasnt emotionally stable and when he could not handle the drama anymore he broke up with me, thinking that he’d have to put up with the long distance situation for months. I got all furious about it and told him that i never wanted to see him again but then because of my health i had to go back home so the situation got weirder; we met a few times and he said that he didn’t want to get back together because i’d be eventually leaving again and although he didnt say so i know that i may have worn him out emotionally, plus he knows that i am both emotionally and physically fragile so i suppose that he is just afraid of the ‘moral responsibilities/expectations/dont know?’ that being with me might imply. He did mention that he was not interested in compromise, but before I left things were different and we frequently talked about possible futures together. I’ve been insistently contacting him for like 3 months since we broke up and even though he has been very constant about where he’s standing when we made out I could just tell that he was still ‘there’ although that was about a month ago. I just found your blog so I suppose I should start with NC but will it work even if I’ve been screwing things up for months now? Should I do it for more than a month?
admin
December 23, 2013 at 8:16 pm
It can work for sure!
Private
December 22, 2013 at 9:43 pm
Hey! thanx!
the NC worked during my 8 month relationship with my ex-boyfriend. He broke up with me just 2 days ago, and i didn’t text him yet. He broke up with me coz i was supposed to celebrate the christmas with him and his family in his country. But i couldn’t coz i have to be with my family in this time. I told him i can’t and i’m moving to your country after the new year. He became angry and didn’t like the fact that he has to wait for me 2 more weeks. (It’s a 8 month distance relation). I lived in his country for study, and i had to leave 1 month after our relation because of my study!
i told him many times this relation is hard for me, if i move to his country i will make my parents angry and lose my lectures at the university (but i don’t miss my exams). and always when i breake up with him because of the stress or because off simple mistakes that he makes, he always come back, begging me to take him back, crying for me! 1 week before we broke up he fight with me because he wanted me to travel to him as soon as i could. but i couldn’t because off my family. i stop talking to him and he always came back to talk, and when i don’t replay or answer him late, he is becoming angry and crazy! and he just broke up with me and told me he will delete me and block my number. i told him okay, tell ur parents merry christmas from me, and i told him i will enjoy my life and im deleting him too. he didn’t replay and i didn’t say anything after that. we didn’t talk in 2 days now… I sent him a picture off me the same day we broke up in the afternoon, and he said he miss me and he love me and he just became angry and crazy wanting me to book to his country,, but i just couldn’t and he broke up! he couldn’t wait 2 weeks!!! what should i do and do you think he’s happy now?
(sorry for my english)
admin
December 23, 2013 at 7:59 pm
So, you have been in NC for a total of 2 days?
boys and pictures???
December 26, 2013 at 9:34 pm
Yes, I broke the NC after day 3. I sent him a msg wishing him a merry christmas and he wished me the same. i though the next day he will send me something, but no… so i started to text him again. i don’t know what happened we just started to discuss about the reason we broke up… i made him realize that he took the wrong decision and he should wait 2 weeks for me. it’s just 2 weeks. He said yes it was stupid but he is tired to wait for me.
during the conversation i just observed that he is playing hard to get.. it’s irritable! so i decided to tell him that i’m not even sure if i want to be in relation with him one day, but i’m talking with him just coz i miss him, that’s all… he told me “fuck you” than i sent him nice pictures off me and showing him my middle finger. he sent me a picture off him showing his middle finger too… after i just ended the conversation. he started to be rude so i told him “omg, bye”.. and i turned off my iMessage. and now he is texting me asking why i’m not answering him… so do you think i should doing the NC?
and why he is initiative texting me after he saw my picture? it has been 2 weeks since last time i sent him a nice picture off me. the picture i sent him now, i was wearing a short dress and nice natural make up with my long hair, and just showing my middle finger. i always used to send him this kind of picture before:P and i observed too that every time we fight i often sending him pictures off me when i’m angry against him showing my middle finger “just to tell him fuck u” and everytime he is just becoming crazy begging me to take him back… huh? is that a picture power or what? 😛
sorry for my english! my language is norwegian, sorry 🙂
Danielle
December 22, 2013 at 6:53 pm
Hi Chris,
I really enjoy all the articles you have available it gives me hope with my current situation. Therefore, let me give you a background of my situation. My ex boyfriend and I dated for three years, we broke up in early October. We were in limited contact (which I initiated all of) in October and a little of November. During this limited contact my ex told me that he did not feel as though he could move forward with our relationship. He also said we could be friends and told me I need to move on and find someone better that can make me happy. He always made me happy, but I will admit I had a terrible way of showing it. I wasn’t always the nicest person to him and sometimes tried to control our relationship. I knew it was wrong and I did apologize to him, but clearly he had enough. Now I am currently 40 of NC and haven’t heard from him once, it starting to make me lose hope. I recently found out that he is seeing someone new as well, someone he works with. I dont know how long they have been together, but we jave been broken up for 2 1/2 months. Last weekend I was also through a mutual friend of ours that he texted him saying that he misses me, yet I still haven’t heard a word from him. How can you miss someone and not contact them? Therefore, my question to you Chris is do I still have hope? Is this relationship he is in a rebound? I miss him very much and have made wonderful improvements to myself in these past few months, but I don’t know want to regret anything later in life.
Thank you for all you do Chris!
Neema
December 21, 2013 at 1:20 am
Hey
I just want an advice
I started the NC but I had to break it for urgent things , it lasted for 10 days but when we talked he told me that he misses me many times
to be clear I broke up with him .. I was too emotional and couldn’t think so he got very angry
beside that he was already angry at me and we had many fights
but when we talked it seems like he is not angry anymore but sometimes I feel that he is unhappy
when I talk to him I feel like he still have feelings for me but he never starts the conversation ! I feel like he wants to talk to me but maybe he is too stubborn to do this
should I start the NC again so he would miss me more or stay talking to him and starting the conversation but not everyday of course or should I wait for him to talk to me ?
and I have another question please .. I think he still have feelings for me already .. how can I make them grow like we used to be?
please answer my questions 🙂
and sorry for the bad english, it’s not my first language
aimes
December 20, 2013 at 11:10 am
wait, so after you do the whole NC thing? what do u do after? do u reply? LOL
admin
December 21, 2013 at 3:44 am
No you initiate contact the way I suggest.
Monica
December 20, 2013 at 9:23 am
We broke up 11 days ago… NC for 9.. and he randomly deleted me and all my best friends off facebook.. Is this a way of showing hes done for good??
admin
December 21, 2013 at 3:41 am
No… it’s his way of showing that he is going through a breakup..
Christine
December 19, 2013 at 3:00 pm
He texted me for two days during my NC period. The first was a hi and the second one on the next day was a just sad face. He stopped saying anything after having no response from me. Should I reply? Why did he stop contacting me too? (I’m sure he wasn’t angry)
Anonymous
December 18, 2013 at 8:39 pm
Your comment about how you see every interaction as a power struggle made me legit LOL. I am that way too and all my friends find me absolutely crazy for it.
My ex ended it with me about two months ago after some not so nice things I did. I didn’t lie or cheat but I definitely bruised his ego and played into his insecurities. I have a tendency to take it a little far with the “ungettable girl” and the chase, which works for some guys indefinitely, but looking back I think my ex saw it as me being stand offish and uninterested.
He definitely was the angry guy after it ended. We see each other three days a week for a couple of classes and he does this really cute thing where he pretends like I don’t exist: sits away from me, avoids contact, avoids any chance at interaction between us, etc. He even started flirting (really loudly) with another girl.
I sent him a couple of friendly texts after he ended it to test the waters and got no response. I decided to leave him alone and go into NC for about 15 days because I feared not contacting him for any longer would have the opposite effect, since he felt I wasn’t interested? Like that would kind of prove it to him, you know? He was a mixture of positive and neutral once I reached out to him again but he always makes an effort to respond.
I know you’re waiting for the but… I accidentally (no, really) sent him a text meant for another conversation at the start of the week. It was possibly the worst text ever to be accidentally sent to an ex in the history of this website. It basically said I only attract creeps and went on to talk about a guy in another one of my classes sending me a not PG 13 photo. He responded back within less than a minute and said, “That makes me a creep. Sure seems like you’re seeing a lot of (not nice word for a male part) lately.” BURN. I sent him back a text basically saying I didn’t think he was a creep. He never responded.
Any way I can diffuse this situation? Should I go back into NC? I haven’t contacted him since that incident. Is there any hope?
admin
December 19, 2013 at 7:06 pm
Sometimes being silent says the most. So yes, I think NC is ideal.
Rosie
December 18, 2013 at 1:19 am
Thanks so much for all of your articles and guides you put so much of your time and energy to. I love your devotion and I am very grateful for your dedication to helping others and making this sure as informative as it is.
Here’s a brief run down of my situation. My ex and I split about a year ago and have a 1 year old daughter together. He was very committed to me and was always the one to pursue me and bring up every conversation about commitment from us being in a committed relationship, to swapping house keys, moving in together, getting married and having kids. He always initiated any talks about his desire to move our relationship forward.
We broke up mainly due to me taking my stress out in him during my pregnancy and I wasn’t my usual carefree, happy self and I didn’t appreciate him and basically pushed him away. He felt I wasn’t as committed or prepared to make the sacrifices for our future as much as he was (ie, me not wanting to sacrifice a few of my luxuries to save more money).
Anyway I didn’t learn of NC until well into our breakup and I would implement it and after 3 weeks he would reach out and I wasn’t aware that I couldn’t respond, I thought that perhaps if he broke NC then I could reply at my leisure. Without knowing tho I was implementing push/pull and I saw some great results with him making an effort to pursue me again. So much so that he started opening up to me and being intimate and flirting again but he admitted he was scared I would hurt him again (it really hurt him that I treated him badly when I took my stress out on him and he is afraid I will do it again so there is a trust issue there).
Anyway our current situation is we get along really well and are in regular contact but I tend to initiate most of our conversations now where as it used to be him chasing me a few months ago. I have slipped into the rule of pursuer. He always sets up and asks me when he can see me – I never do. He always puts thought and effort into what we do together. For example he knows that he can take our daughter without me being around but he always wants me there and we always do things like go for drives to my favourite spots and to visit his family and our mutual friends. He always hugs me goodbye and it’s very intimate but in between us seeing each other it’s me who reaches out and it’s usually to share about what our daughter has been up to and sending him funny pics of her. He works away in another state and flys back home to see us every three weeks.
My question is what can I do here? Should I implement MC? Will it work now seeing as though we have been in fairly regular contact now? He will always text me or call me about catching up but not much in between. I feel like I want to stop reaching out now. So can this MC work for me?
admin
December 18, 2013 at 6:34 pm
Absolutely you should implement NC!
Rosie
December 18, 2013 at 8:03 pm
Thank you for your reply. It means a lot to me that you take the time to read your readers comments and reply!
I love reading your articles. Does your book go into detail on how to get your ex back when you have a child together? I know you are passionate about those of us in situations where we have children together.
Thanks in advance 🙂
admin
December 19, 2013 at 7:04 pm
I actually made a guide on that: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/get-your-boyfriend-back-if-you-have-a-child-together/
Rosie
January 3, 2014 at 8:28 pm
Ok so what do I do to fix this? Should I agree to see him Sunday or leave things as they are and not see him?
Do you think there is still a chance I can get him back now?
Rosie
January 5, 2014 at 3:13 am
So please help me out here Chris 🙂 What should my game plan be now?
I want to get your Ebook this week but I need to know if you think it will help my situation?
Rosie
December 20, 2013 at 10:40 am
Great read! Thank you. As always very informative and it highlighted some areas where I can improve on.
I have been doing a lot of work on myself, even before I came across your site. My intuition told me to disect all the issues I had control over that lead to the break up and to get back to the woman he fell in love with – only a much better version. In the beginning I can confidently say I was the ultimate unforgettable girl and I had that effect on him. So I know I can have that effect on him again. I am noticing that I have that effect on other men lately – probably because I am unattainable to them. So I just need to remember all of your teachings when it comes to my ex. I was lucky I never lost my figure – in fact I feel I look even better and I feel sexier than ever and more feminine. I do notice my ex checking me out again – I made some subtle changes – new hairstyle but I do have one question for you.
We are each other regularly now, he comes home every 3 weeks on his week off and he asks me if he can see me again when he is down and suggests ideas of what we can do then he will set up a date, giving me at least a week or twos notice so I am free, as once I told him I am starting to get busy and he will need to givr me notice if he wants to see me. He will also reconfirm a day or so before hand to see if I still want to catch up. The things we do together are things he suggests, the 3 of us going for a drive, going for a nice walk to some of my fave locations (all romantic settings), having lunch etc. so are these counted as dates? I mean our 1 year old is with us but there are times where she is asleep and whatever activity we do it involves us spending a lot of one on one time together. How can I escalate this to him asking me on a one on one date given we have a daughter together?
admin
December 21, 2013 at 3:43 am
I think all that matters is tha tone on one interaction. Dates can be overrated sometimes in my opinion. As long as you strengthening your connection… you should be fine.
Rosie
December 21, 2013 at 7:20 am
Thank you 🙂 I will keep you updated on my progress. One more question? I took your advice and I’m on day 5 NC or in my case it may be more MC. I know he wants to see me and our lil girl in 2 weeks time, over New Years and he has told me he has booked a $1200 flight home so he can see us and his family over New Year. I know he will contact me soon to see when I am free to catch up as when he said goodbye he asked me at least 3 times to stay in touch and if I was keen to catch up. So in this case do I stay in NC or break it when he contacts me and do I agree to see him?
admin
December 22, 2013 at 2:14 am
Hmm… tough one.
If you think you will be ok seeing him. I think itll be ok.
Rosie
December 24, 2013 at 1:53 pm
What about if he texts me saying Merry Xmas? Do I stay in NC/MC or reply with a simple Merry Xmas?
Rosie
December 31, 2013 at 12:56 am
Thanks again. Thank you for your patience with me asking so many questions of you considering you have so many other women to reply to as well – you do an amazing job in helping us and handling our emotions, which I now understand is not easy for you men, and hey I totally get this now!
I will take your advice. I actually got offered a modelling gig, I used to model a few years back and in a few weeks I will be doing a shoot so I will use these to pimp out my profile! I’m still surprisingly enjoying no contact! Usually I would freak out I will admit in not hearing from him much but I know he will contact me at some point, he always does but this time I don’t feel I am waiting around. I’m enjoying putting the focus ony goals and my life with our daughter 🙂 thanks for everything, I am feeling stronger emotionally every passing day!
Rosie
December 29, 2013 at 9:55 pm
So in pimping my profile I get the whole point of it entirely. The thing is if he has me blocked how can this effect him if he won’t see it.
The thought has crossed my mind that he is spying through his family and friends – he once told me on a recent visit when discussing some cute pics of our daughter “Oh yeah mum showed me those pics on your fb page.” So do you think he is spying on me via his family and friends?
I have had this in the back of my mind. Pretty much all of my posts centre around our daughter – she is my world! I know I need to have a more active social life – well I do with my daughter in toe (she’s too cute for me to part with lol) mainly my social life is going out on lunch/coffee dates with the girls, going to baby fun play centres and going on walks with my mummy friends. My old social life before we had our daughter was me heading out for work drinks nearly every fortnight and doing lots of camping trips, hiking, anything involving lots of energy and adventure. Being a mum I am a lot more tame but I still have fun.
I do have close family like my mum and sister telling me I should go out at least once a month or get away for a couple of nights with the girls and they will look after her. I’ve only gone out once of an evening to a concert since I had her. So any advice on displaying “social proof” that I still have an active fun social life on fb while showing I am dedicated to our lil girl. I guess my point is I believe I am scared of being judged for putting up pics of going out with my girls etc. everyone is telling me I need to get out more and let my hair down on occasion without her but I find it hard as I just love spending my time with her 🙂
Also, you mention that your cover photo should go with your profile pic, how exactly do you mean?
admin
December 30, 2013 at 8:21 pm
True!
But I would still do it. You never know when one of his friends could say “hey check her profile out.”
Rosie
December 29, 2013 at 12:01 am
One more thing…I just read your article on how to effectively use facebook to get your ex back – another impressive article, I am finding myself on your website daily – I just love studying all of your material and I am enjoying applying your advice. I can’t wait to get your Ebook (I’m just waiting til I have the spare $$).
Anyway back to my question. I’m am confused as my ex still has my blocked on fb from back when we first broke up. I really don’t understand why as he has been seeing me consistently now for a few months, taking our baby girl and I out every 3 weeks now without fail. I never initiate or suggest these outings, it’s always him. He puts a lot of thought into and I notice him suggesting and taking me to romantic destinations that I wanted to go to with him when we were dating (we just didn’t get around to it due to our work commitments at the time). He always offers to pay for lunch – well insists on it and fills my car up with petrol (I let him drive my car as it has her baby seat in it and is set up for her do its easier than getting his car ready). I always show gratitude for him paying and I can tell he appreciates that. Only once did he let me shout him back because I wanted to return the favour but he only ordered something small. We have lots of jokes and he always hugs me goodbye and smiles and shares all about his life, what he is up to, shows me his pics on his phone, he recently even handed me his phone to show me a page on his fb he liked and thought I might be into. I appreciated that as it showed me how much he “got me” as a person – it was an inspirational page. I noticed that he still has all of our photos up – ones of us together and all of the albums he made of us. Yet he still has my blocked on fb and I just don’t get it! His family who I get along with extremely well (I was the first and only girl that he has introduced to his family and they approved of him wanting to marry me) they have all added me and lately just in the past few weeks I have had several of his very close friends add me on there and they are often “liking” and commenting on my posts and pics. But still nothing from him.
Why do you think this is? I even mentioned to him the last time I saw him in reply to him saying “Please stay in contact and keep in touch so we can try and organise a catch up over New Year. Let me know when you and if you are free.” I said “No worries I will do. You can always add me on fb in the meantime.” He said “Yeah there is always that I suppose.” But he still has me blocked.
Any advice? Should I just implement your tips for “pimping” my profile, as I like to call it? Lol I’m still in NC currently on day 13 but he broke it on day 10
admin
December 29, 2013 at 6:48 pm
Hahah pimping your profile… YES definitely go for it.
Rosie
December 28, 2013 at 10:04 pm
Thanks again Chris 🙂
Rosie
December 26, 2013 at 9:33 pm
You make a good point. He ended up texting me at 3am in the morning (12pm his time) and simply wrote “Hey could you please send me a pic or 2 of lil miss?” When I woke up I sent him 2 pics of her and that was it. So I guess this means I start NC again or do I just count this is limited contact cos he text me first about our daughter? He will def notice I am not initiating or engaging with him like I used to. So where to go from here?
admin
December 27, 2013 at 7:04 pm
Na.. I think this is ok. Just keep on keeping on with the NC.
Rosie
December 25, 2013 at 12:11 pm
Ok. I guess I just feel guilty as last year I sent him a pic of our daughter saying Merry Xmas.
Big sigh. It’s Xmas night and no message from him saying merry Xmas. Usually this would cause me to break NC and send him a text of our daughter and reach out to him to say Merry Xmas in case he was waiting for me. I kinda feel mean by not sending him anything about our daughter. I guess it’s just because for me Xmas means sharing and I feel like I am withholding his daughter from him by not sending him a merry Xmas pic of her on the day. On every special occasion such as Fathers Day, his birthday etc I would send him a pic of her and make an effort to make it special for him. For example by dressing her up and have her holding a sign related to the particular ocassion.
How do you feel this can make him feel? I think I am just scared because I am afraid he may be annoyed at me for not sending anything about our daughter as per usual and he fits in to the stubborn guy category so therefore I feel he will too angry to reach out. What are your thoughts?
admin
December 26, 2013 at 5:58 pm
Obviously the final decision is up to you but having him annoyed may also make him realize how much he really cares about you.
admin
December 24, 2013 at 7:36 pm
Nope you don’t reply at all.
Rosie
December 22, 2013 at 5:43 am
Emotionally I will be great. I am actually feeling like I am slowly but surely progressing closer each day to the woman he first fell in love with. I’m actually enjoying NC and focusing on myself rather than placing so mych emphasis on him.
For the first time since the breakup, I feel ok with letting go and just focusing on self love and the love for my daughter and I feel happy and so blessed. Your site and your articles have helped me immensely and I really enjoy reading them. Thanks so much for your insights. What you are doing is inspirational 🙂 Thanks to you, I feel I am having a break through by embracing NC. Please keep up the good work!
Rosie
January 3, 2014 at 8:48 am
Ok so now I really need help Chris! I’m not sure if I have done the right thing or not and I really need guidance. I am torn.
My ex broke NC again, first time at day 10 and now at day 16. Like I thought he would do he called me and asked to catch up. I missed his calls in the morning but he called me back that afternoon.
He asked me about what I had got up to New Years, did I go out, party etc and wanted to know what I had been up to. The conversation was going well until he mentioned that he was moving to the state he is currently working in. He currently works and lives on a mine site he works at and is planning on working there for a couple of years until he clears his debt etc. He currently flys home to see us every 3 weeks without fail but the flights home are costing him anywhere from $600 – )$1,400 (if he books them in advance he can get them cheap and the only time they cost around the $1,000+ mark is if it’s around Xmas/New Year or he books then last minute). Anyway he proceeded to tell me that he couldn’t afford to fly home every swing (every break which is every 3 weeks) as he is trying hard to pay off debt. He said he feels he will only be able to fly home every 3 months!
I was obviously rather upset about this and voiced this to him. Although I was furious on the inside I remained calm but mention my concerns about the fact that I didn’t feel it was good enough him seeing his daughter only 4 times a year.
He told me he just wants to set her up for the future and that’s why he is doing it. He kept saying I am just trying to do the right thing. I said I don’t see how seeing her less is going to be the right thing for her. I don’t know how you could go that long without seeing her. He got angry with me and said “Don’t worry about me, I will deal with things in my way, I can look after myself.” I replied “I know you can. I just see so much joy for her and it hurts to know you are missing out on that.” He asked when he could see me and I said “I don’t know if I can. I’m busy and I feel I need some time to get my head around your decision.” He said “Please, just for an hour can’t we talk about this.” I said “I don’t know I just think its better if we leave it, plus we are both sick.” He was upset and ended the call with “Ok I will just have to tell myself I am doing the right thing.”
I ended up calling him back a couple hours later also felt bad as a couple of times on the call he sounded really hurt and upset. I agreed to see him Sunday. He was really happy and we parted on good terms.
Then the next morning I felt angry again that he was prepared to go 3 months without seeing her and I was feeling very sick and our daughter was also getting sicker so I rang him and said I am sorry but I think it’s best we leave it til you are back home next. He said that won’t be until March though. I said oh ok that’s a long time to go without talking about things. He said “That’s your suggestion not mine. I want to talk things over with you.” I said “I just feel like I needs some space. I feel hurt that you won’t be around as much and I think it would be good for us to both have some space and come together when we have had time to think about how we can make it work so you can is still there for our daughter.” He said “Yeah maybe that’s a good idea.” Then I got him to open up about his reasons for trying to improve his financial situation so he can support us and set up a trust fund for our daughter. I also opened up as to why I was so affected by his decision to not fly home as much. I explained that it was due to seeing my dad come and go from my life and that I vowed never to let my kids go through that. He was very understanding and his whole time of voice became even more compassionate now he saw where I was coming from. He said he would try to fly home more and plan booking his flights home in advance so he can save money that way. I told him I supported and admired what he is trying to achieve with his decision and I respected him so much for being such a great dad and supporting us and I believed in him and I thought what he is trying to do for the our daughters future is inspiring and I understood, I just want to find a compromise so he can achieve his goals but still see his daughter regularly. He seemed happy with this and for the first time since our daughter was born he told me how grateful he was for everything I do and for keeping him so included with our daughter when he is away and supporting him. I thanked him for saying that and told him it was nice to hear. I then told him I was grateful for his help and everything he did for us.
He went on to ask how I was and asked how my leg was (I injured it when he was home last) then he made some more small talk and said he wanted to chat about how we can make things work for our daughter. I ended the call agreeing to chat when he is home next which he now said he will try to come home in Feb instead of March. I ended the call saying. Thanks again for giving me space. I will leave it up to you to contact me now. He said “Ok.”
Have I done the right thing? I am having an attack of the guilts for not seeing him. I feel like texting him asking if he still wants to catch up Sun so we can talk. What are your thoughts?
admin
January 3, 2014 at 8:05 pm
I wouldn’t have left it up to him to contact you… Saying that basically means that there is no pressure from his side if you undergo NC.
Rosie
December 22, 2013 at 8:30 pm
Thank you 🙂 I still miss him, but I am actually feeling quite stubborn so I know I will stick to NC. I’m having an attitude change from “I want him so much and I have to get him back” to my new attitude of “I am worth chasing, and I deserve to be appreciated so if he wants me he can come to me.”
I still love him so much but I am over making so much effort. I have noticed the less effort I make the more he makes, so I believe your teachings are spot on!
Do you think he is showing se signs of there being a chance with him?
admin
December 23, 2013 at 7:51 pm
He is showing a few.
admin
December 22, 2013 at 7:47 pm
Glad you are doing well!
Boyfriend Lost and found
December 17, 2013 at 4:02 pm
Hi Chris,
i love your teachings. I would appreciate your advice. I lied to my ex about my past and he broke up with me after 4 mths. He went NC and I was the frantic caller/texter for 4 days. Then I thankfully read your advice and went NC. 12 days into NC he sent me a message saying he forgave me and would bring my belongings to my house. I stayed NC and never responded and I am now at 16 days. You said that in circumstances where you have lied or cheated you may want to cut NC in half. Should I do this? Since he already forgave me, can I skip the apology message and just send one that says I saw a cat that looks like him? or should I do NC for the full 30 days? Thanks in advance, just not sure how to proceed. BTW, your advice is incredible and it works. All women should follow these steps exactly. You are a genius and thank you for sharing so much of your male soul and heart to help women heal. You are a gift.
admin
December 17, 2013 at 7:10 pm
NC for full 30 days