The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,271 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Jen

January 22, 2014 at 12:08 am

Does the 30 days begin when I make the decision to start it, or from the first time he contacts me and I ignore him?

admin

January 22, 2014 at 5:53 pm

First time you ignorehim.
Julie Tollemache

January 25, 2014 at 10:59 pm

Wait, 30 day NC starts from the first time I ignore him??? What if I made the last contact? Last contact I made I told him that *I* could no longer speak to him and needed peace. But he broke up with me. He didn’t respond so do I have to wait for him to try to contact me before initiating NC? Thanks.
Jen

January 23, 2014 at 1:06 am

Interestingly day 31 falls on Valentines day. Probably would be best to wait until the 15th, eh?
Abi Jaiy

January 26, 2014 at 10:12 pm

Hahah me too!! My 30 Day No Contact Rule ends on 15th February.

anna

January 21, 2014 at 11:39 am

I have just currently broke up with me boyfriend of 3yrs. I basically got sickof him putting eeveryone else before me. He never came to see me or did took me out all that much. But when we are together its more than perfect. He isnt a man to call or txt so it was always me contacting him. I got sick of it. He is a very stubborn man, and also probably fears. I love him dearly. But I want somethings to change and I want to be considered. Will no contact work? Will he ever wake up?
serafina

January 20, 2014 at 6:00 pm

Hey!
I have done the no contact now 30 days….this is so hard!My ex-boyfriend send me messages during my second and third week of no contact..he has a new woman but still he kept sending me messages….and now..nothing..he hasn´t contact me for one week. Is this “normal” that he is now ignoring me because i didn´t answer to his messages? I´m now 30 days of NC but im not ready to contact him. I want that he is the one who contacts me.

Abi Jaiy

January 26, 2014 at 10:15 pm

He has a new woman already in a month… Wow, probably not serious. And he probably didnt message you for a week as he can see that he was probably bothering you.
If your 30 days are over then contact him but then you said youre not ready so that means you didnt really griw from this. The whole point of doing it is to get out of your emotional state that your ex boyfriend left you in COMPLETELY

sara

January 20, 2014 at 5:10 pm

Hi. Im not in the case of a long relationship. we dated for a month,we met online, he hitted really hard on me and he seemed to be very interested in me. After 15 days he told me he wanted to slow down a bit as he was freaking up a bit with the fast pace things were getting. I was ok and took a passive actitute towards him, he wouldn’t call, I wouldn’t mind, he would text, I would reply..etc. I went on a trip a for some days and on my return he came inmediatelly to see me, took me out for drinks, diner..etc, like if he was very happy to see me. We slept together for the first time on that day. Next day he texted me a few times…etc.

Then I discovered he had been updating his online profile on the web we met each other, I didn’t like it, and I told him so (I know, my mistake, we weren’t exclusive yet), he replied angry to me explaining me “he was just removing some pics he didn’t like”.

Next day I asked him out for a coffee (with the hope to act relaxed and not too much bothered about his still going on online activity), he replied saying he was too busy to meet on that day. Immediately I asked him to maybe meet the next day. He never reply to it. Its been 5 days now of not hearing from him.

Now I have been left wondering if this guy is just scared by my pressure and I should apply NC and maybe contact him in a couple of weeks, or should I just move on as NC will not work.

Any opinions?
miss bee

January 20, 2014 at 4:44 pm

Hi Chris

So im day 22 into NC. My ex contacted me twice so far. He sent me a funny video around day 8 to test the water, and then he sent me a love song a couple days back.
just before I started NC he confessed he still loved me and misses me (even though he is the one who broke up with me). I asked him if he was single, he said “no, not at the moment” which kickstarted my NC
What should I do? Is there any hope for us or do you think he’s just being manipulative?
Amy

January 20, 2014 at 1:44 pm

Hey chris,
Me and my boyfriend broke up christmas time,we had been together a year and a few months for a while i begged and text him loads for him back until i found this site i started nc 2 weeks ago but i dont think he knows i have gone into nc and ive heard nothing from him at all but then i got told by a friend of his he is seeing and now in a relationship with someone else should i give up or stick to the no contact?

admin

January 20, 2014 at 7:53 pm

Stick to NC.

kiki

January 20, 2014 at 2:59 am

Well my ex & I got suspended for one semester from college for getting caught in the dorms & there was a lot of arguing after this, we broke up on christmas and I have endured a lot of pain from these big losts. ‘Im conflicted as to would this no contact even work because of this bad situation. Ive contacted him 3 times since but hes contacted me more having regular conversation, as if we are just friends or something & Im just really confused. Im not even sure which guy he is and I dont know if no contact would work, I just wanted your thought and advice? 🙁

admin

January 20, 2014 at 7:23 pm

You got suspended b/c you got caught doing the deed in a dorm?

Isn’t that what happens in all colleges?

Kole

January 20, 2014 at 12:12 am

my ex broke up with me 11 days ago i have being doing the no contact since the moment he broke it off. He just texted me today hoping i am doing well and what i wanted him to do with my belongings. I have not responded and i am
A. not ready to face him yet still trying to let my emotions settle, i am still very sad. I am however making progress.
B. i don’t want to break the progress i have made with no contact i am able to see what my true faults were in the relationship. I do want the chance to be with him again so i am cautious on what i should do in this situation.

Belle

February 5, 2014 at 1:33 pm

I am in the same position! What to do with NC if you still have stuff that needs moving at each other’s houses etc?
admin

February 5, 2014 at 7:01 pm

You can break NC for that little thing. You are entitled to your stuff.

zoe adamson

January 19, 2014 at 6:09 pm

Hi Chris. my ex broke up with me 2 mths ago. 5 year relationship. I did EVERYTHING wrong Cried, begged etc. He agreed to meet for coffee after I calmed down It was amazing! We held hands and looked into each others eyes. He texted me afterwards that he still loved me. The next day I said “lets meet for lunch” and he said no he didnt want to go backwards. He replies to me whenever, sometimes just walks away from text conversations etc. I feel like a doormat so I started nc day 7. My question is…..why am I in nc if he agrees to meet me for coffee and talk?

admin

January 20, 2014 at 12:53 am

Some time needs to pass for him to realize how much life sucks without you essentially.
zoe

January 21, 2014 at 5:02 pm

thanks chris, Im going to ask a dumb question that I already know the answer to but here goes… Will nc for a full 30 days along with your texting plan, get him to treet me with more respect when we interact? I mean, that hurts so much, having someone who couldn’t wait to hear from you basically ignore you.
zoe

January 28, 2014 at 5:12 pm

Well…day 15.felt really blue. my birthday! He texted me. first contact. “happy birthday, hope you are safe and warm” huh? “have a big piece of cake and be sure to get a long nap” wth does that mean?? is it a good sign he texted me even though its kinda cryptic? You know, I always thought I was mentally tough. Always thought I could handle things. This no contact is the worst!! I want to talk, I want to say things to make it right and I just cant! Amazingly hard! This is really a test for me. I didnt reply!! day 16
Abi Jaiy

February 1, 2014 at 7:01 pm

What do you mean, “What does it mean?” It just means he still cares for you. Keep up the good work! Delete his message so you dont keep looking at it xD

Oh so he contacted you after 15 days, he waited to contact you on your birthday right!
My birthday is next week, if my ex messages me Ill change my whatsapp to summat like “Thankyou everyone for wishing me a happy birthday, i cant get back to all messages, Quite bust atm”

Keeeeep it up! You can do it only 14 days to go… The days are quick xD I got 20 days to go
zoe

February 4, 2014 at 3:41 pm

day 22, almost over. It has gotten a little easier honestly. Have not heard from him since my birthday. All kinds of things are going thru my head but I have to believe that if there was anything left from our relationship then he is thinking about me and missing me. Dont know why but knowing he is suffering also makes me feel better. hahah kinda sick huh?
Abi Jaiy

January 26, 2014 at 10:33 pm

You need to understand he is a MAN not a woman it would hurt but it will build interest, it will build mystery. He will wonder what youre doing, if youre dating, how youre doing etc.
If he was a feminine man then he would of been harsh. This 30 day rule is brilliant because you get to grow from it, you work on yourself, learn from your mistake. Dont worry about him being a “in a relationship” pfft what relationship is “serious” in a blooming month none thats just fake. Dont worey girl keeep strong! Work om you!
zoe adamson

January 19, 2014 at 6:12 pm

btw..nc is the absolute HARDEST thing I have EVER done! but Im working out, running etc. trying to improve myself.
admin

January 20, 2014 at 12:52 am

It is so hard isn’t it?

Like you are having this battle with yourself.

Lily

January 18, 2014 at 8:06 pm

Thanks for this guide. I was dating a really great guy for 3 months and he said I was his dream girl. He said if he could build the perfect woman it would be me. He would go out of his way to make me happy and would also say he appreciated that I met him in the middle (unlike past girlfriends). I was hesitant in the beginning because he just ended a 4 year relationship with a woman. He said he had been over it for awhile and was working out of state so even though they had broken up only a week or two prior to us meeting, he hadn’t been with her in about 2 months. He seemed completely over her and was persistent in wanting to date me so I jumped in with him. Problems arose when I started to get depressed and more distant. We both were living temporarily in a harsh environment away from family and friends. It took it’s toll on both of us. He got emotional and needy and it turned me off one night and I said I needed space and just wanted to watch tv (after making love). I don’t remember saying the exact words, but he felt I said something to effect of “you’re acting like a girl.” He felt hurt and rejected. A week later he says his ex contacted him and he still has feelings for her. He later told me he is not attracted to her physically (she’s 9 yrs older and not very sexual) or at least has no desire to be with her sexually. He just felt comforted by her. This hurt deeply and we didn’t talk for a month until he contacted me. We talked off and on for a month, but he said he couldn’t talk about being in a relationship until he hears if gets a certain job. Even though he has a job, this other job would require him to move and so he felt insecure and uncertain. I saw him once briefly for work and he said he felt anxious. He is more sensitive than your average man and I wasn’t sure how to take it. I chalked it off to nerves but now haven’t talked in over a week. I’m not sure if I should practice nc after I unknowningly did it right after the break up because I will be leaving in a week or 2 for over a month and might end up moving away. So part of me wants to see him before I go, but then I think I shouldn’t contact him.

admin

January 20, 2014 at 12:40 am

Was the communication bad in the relationship?

I mean, if he didn’t feel comfortable with you.
Lily

January 20, 2014 at 2:09 am

We had good communication up until that last week we broke up. I was getting depressed and was being more short and distant. I didn’t know how to separate my feelings and communicate. He took it personally and then shut down with me. He actually got upset because he wanted to be more connected emotionally during sex and I was cut off. I made him feel like a girl and this hurt him deeply. Ever since he became less open to me emotionally and seemed more concerned wanting to keep it light and asking me to say sexy things or send sexy pics. It was like he was scared to be emotional again and would get easily shutdown if I brought up anything that reminded him of past hurt.

Miss B

January 17, 2014 at 4:13 pm

My ex is both stubborn and angry! (My fault… I was texting and another man… However it appears that that was a deal breaker for him) we were together for 6 years and engaged. I’m gutted what I did was stupid and I’m so unbelievably sorry. But no matter how sincere I am or how much I told him I was sorry and I’d do what it took to move past this it didn’t help. I have been in ACN for 18 days and I purchased a Esp program and have been doing that for 3 days. I’ve been studying and focusing on everything I have been told to do…

My question to you is he’s blocked my number (this I am sure of because I can no longer see him on whatsap…) and if he’s blocked me on there I am assuming he has blocked my number altogether… If this is the case when I am ready to end ANC what do I do if he still has my number blocked? Do I email him… What if he’s so hopping mad he’s blocked all forms of communication?? I mean if he is that mad at me…. It’s plausible that he’s done this right… If so then what?
Suzie

January 16, 2014 at 11:37 am

Hi, I’ve been doing NC for 6 days. I broke up with my boyfriend on the 7th and only contacted him to return some things on the 10th. So no word from him since. My guess is that he’s stubborn or scared or both, since I was the one who ended it this would make sense. We are both in our early 30s also so we don’t have such highly strung emotions as younger people so there is more control/patience. This however does not exempt me from worrying that he is going to run away with another woman, nor does it stop me thinking that he just doesn’t care. This section has been very helpful to me and I applaud your wisdom Chris. What worries me though is what aftertaste he may have of our relationship. You can’t answer that for me of course, it’s actually very hard for me to answer. Thanks for your great site Chris. Wish me luck on this journey.

admin

January 16, 2014 at 6:14 pm

Good luck!

What are you going to do during the NC rule to improve yourself?

anonymous

January 16, 2014 at 4:07 am

What if he’s possibly The Scared Guy, but he was the one who broke up with you? I get the feeling he wants to talk to me, but won’t let himself because he thinks that this breakup is what I want. and I think this is because I’m doing an awesome job of looking hot/having fun on twitter, facebook and insta 😀

admin

January 16, 2014 at 5:55 pm

It’s very possible.

foxy

January 15, 2014 at 7:06 pm

I am currently implementing the NC rule, but my situation is a little bit unique. My ex and I had only been living together a couple months. 2 weeks ago, he just took all his stuff and moved back home to his family’s place, saying he’s planning on taking a job out of state which he hasn’t even lined up yet. I haven’t talked to him since the day after it happened, but a week ago I received an email from AT&T saying he was transferring my cell phone back to me since we were on a family plan. I didn’t take care of it right away, so few days ago he sent me a text regarding splitting next months rent with me (since he left so suddenly) and asking me to accept the transfer of the phone line. I didn’t respond, instead I called AT&T and took care of it. AT&T never sent me a confirmation email, but I double checked to make sure the transfer was successful, and it was. This morning he sent me another text asking if I had ever gotten the original email I never responded about, so again instead of responding, I called AT&T and again they told me the line is now on my social security number. I requested to be sent a confirmation email to myself as well as him (which I still haven’t received). I am wondering if I should just tell him that I already took care of it, even though he could just check online and see that the line is gone from his account??

admin

January 16, 2014 at 5:33 pm

That one is up to you.

If you feel the need to then I say go for it.

Miranda

January 15, 2014 at 12:03 pm

Please answer me Chris 🙂
I have done the NC now 25 days. My exboyfriend has send me 16 messages during the NC. I´m in panic mode because i feel that i want to send him a message. Last friday he send me messages and then this monday he send me only a ?questionmark. I don´t understand why he send´s me messages because he has a new girlfriend. Do you think that now he has become a ignorer because i haven´t answer him anything????

Abi Jaiy

January 26, 2014 at 10:36 pm

Darling, no relationship is serious in the FIRST MONTH! Dont be stupid. That girl is probably his rebound, hes in a relationship straight after you… She cant compete to you right now as you have Chris help. Dont worrt keep strong youll get him back.
miranda

February 10, 2014 at 6:42 pm

We broke up with my ex BF for one year ago. Last summer he saw this woman few times….and still he was saying that he loves me etc. The hole year i saw him very often and every time it was amazing! December 2013 he told me that he has another woman and it is the same woman that he saw last summer. I say to him that ok…i won´t contact you and i hope that you don´t contact me. Now it´s been 7 weeks when he told me that he has another woman…he has texted me many times….and two weeks ago he came to my door and bring some of my stuff from his house…i said to him that i know that the stuff wasn´t the reason he came to my door…..he was here about 10min…and the was touching me and saying that i look pretty etc. I don´t know what to think…why he sends me messages because he is with that new woman.

anonymous

January 15, 2014 at 10:54 am

Chris, i need help badly 🙁 i understand how busy and tight your schedule is but is there any way that i can reach you directly? I’m willing to fork out money (within my means) and i alrdy own your e book.

admin

January 15, 2014 at 7:32 pm

Facebook is probably best to be honest.

Nhi Le

January 15, 2014 at 5:49 am

What happen in a head of a gamer ??? My ex addicts to game, he will forgot everything once he start to play, will he think of me at all beside his game?????

admin

January 15, 2014 at 6:53 pm

If you ignore him he might.

Sammi

January 14, 2014 at 8:48 am

A lot of what you say makes so much sense. I tried the no contact rule before and it worked perfectly and he came back. However, after six months we broke up but a little prior to that he had been going out a lot and I was really emotional which pushed him away. Mainly because I felt like he was distancing himself from me and I didn’t know what he wanted. I felt like he got a bit bored of me and was offended he didn’t want to hang out out me.

Recently he got close to an old girl mate of his and finally admitted he liked her but didn’t know how it happened because they’ve been friends for years. He mentioned how he felt he didn’t appreciate me because I had all the traits of a good gf but its like he found some shiny new toy now and wants what he cant have. I realise I gave him too much too soon and didn’t keep him interested enough.

I want to do the No Contact rule again, would it work the second time round?
anonymous

January 14, 2014 at 3:28 am

Hi chris! Do you think you could do a guide on the male’s mind if their ex girlfriend keeps doing NC on them? In other words, if they were to go hot and cold on their ex girlfriend after she did NC for the first time on him. She did NC for second time and maybe even a third time. Take for example she did NC for 30days the first time. And second time a wk. He gave very positive replies after she did NC the first time. But he got cold again. So she did NC second time. After second time, he was neutral in his replies. And now she’s planning on doing NC third time.

Since after 2NCs she initiated contact, should she try to reach out to him again after the third NC? How should she reach out to him then? Most of your guides seemed to imply the actions she should take after the first NC.

admin

January 14, 2014 at 5:51 pm

Could you explain your idea for a post for me again? I just want to make sure I understand it completely.
anonymous

January 15, 2014 at 7:04 am

Well okay. I broke up with my ex last year april. I didn do NC immediately. Probably only a week in june/july. we kept in touch again but not so often. He was alrdy dating others since we broke up. I did full one mth NC in oct. So nov we contacted again. I didn nc again for one week in dec. Then i reached out to him again. Now i’m thinking of doing nc again for at least one mth.

So since i keep doing nc on him, what is going on in his mind? Will it affect him? Nc can be less effective when you have to keep doing it. Im doing it so as to make myself less available to him. I notice when i contact him right after nc, his replies are positive, then he will go cold. So i feel that i have to keep doing nc on him.

betty

January 14, 2014 at 12:34 am

So I’m in a situation where my ex and I have to see eachother everyday in class and we sit near eacother. I’m wondering if this changes any rules? The break up wasnt too bad so I think he’ll still try to talk to mewhen he needs help with assignments or other stuff. Ignoring him in that in case seems ignorant and like it would have negative affects. Any advice on how to respond to that situation?

admin

January 14, 2014 at 5:49 pm

Limited contact.

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4,271 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”