The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Lauryn

March 8, 2014 at 12:46 am

Been doing NC for 2 weeks. It really has helped me a lot. We didn’t end horribly, but more like it ended with me telling him I couldn’t be friends with him after he pretty much pushed me to the side for a new girl.

I reactivated my facebook, and low and behold, he sent me a message about a cheap hand mirror I left in his car. I left that months ago and he clearly knew I didn’t want it. I simply said no. I had no interest in conversing with him. Part of me thinks he just wanted to message me, or make his presence known.

And he is a very stubborn guy. Idk. Sometimes he’s hard to figure out, but do you think that may be a sign that he misses me in some way? I mean, we haven’t talked in weeks and that mirror holds no significance.

admin

March 8, 2014 at 7:11 pm

I am sure a part of him misses you yes.

Monica

March 6, 2014 at 11:51 pm

Chris today is the 40th day of NC ,my ex hasn’t reached out once, we had a Horrible breakup and im so afraid of reaching out! What should I do? I bought your ebook, I need help

admin

March 7, 2014 at 7:02 am

Any reason why you are opting for a longer NC?

Anny

March 6, 2014 at 11:24 pm

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend of two years dumped me via text.
He just sent me “I have feelings for someone else” I replied with “what??”
But he never texted back and I didn’t send any other texts.
I basically started the NC. It has been 15 days and he hasn’t tried talking to me however he texted my best friend telling her dirty lies about me and totally trash talked me and made me look like the bad one and him being the poor guy for even being with me.
Any advice?

admin

March 7, 2014 at 7:02 am

Ya… he seems really mean spirited.

Finish out NC right now. Emotions still seem to be high for him.

Daley

March 5, 2014 at 3:39 pm

Hi Chris,

I have gone no contact for 15 days and my on-again/off-again ex is acting strange. He broke up with me but wanted to stay friends, I tried for 2 weeks and couldn’t do it so a few days after I announced I needed space and I didn’t want to be friends if we weren’t together (we recently bought townhouses two doors down from each other, pre-breakup so getting space is already tough but I was determined to go no contact), he started calling my best friend’s boyfriend (who is currently living in my home!) and wanting to be friends with him, he came by to visit the guy when I wasn’t home and then a couple of he called the guy to ask if he could borrow my snow shovel (who does that!?!) When he came to the door, I broke no contact to go down and give him the shovel. I also told him how rude and ridiculous it is to call my house guest asking to borrow my stuff (after I asked for space), he looked downright happy to see me and amused that I was telling him he was rude. He asked how I was doing and if he should come in from the cold entryway and I said no that won’t be necessary, we made small talk and he asked me three times during the convo “are you okay” to which I always replied yes, I’m fine. I also took the opportunity to ask him about some money he owes me which he promised he would pay by the end of the month and then I said okay well return the shovel when you can and closed the door. What’s going on? Do I need to re-start no contact from day 1? How do I manage no contact with the neighbor situation we have going on?
joan

March 5, 2014 at 12:46 pm

oops sorry just anyone*
joan

March 5, 2014 at 12:41 pm

hi, me and my long distance ex has been on and off, he says he lost interest in me but suddenly calls, lately he said that he doesnt feel the love on me anymore and when we talked there is no feeling, and he started to talk to other girls on a dating site, I asked him if we are really over and he said that he is not committing to anyone else and will come to see me in a few months to see if things or his feelings will change. I feel bad cause I feel that I am being put aside as a back up but I love him and want him back, I know this is stupidity for me. I am doing no contact for 7 days and still he has not contacted me. will no contact still works for us even there is a chance that he is now talking to other girls on a dating site? thanks cris
Nata

March 5, 2014 at 6:25 am

I am on the 5th day of NC rule. I read many of your blogs. What if he doesn’t contact me within this one month? But I know he loves and misses a lot. And if he does contact or ask to meek should I still ignore him even if I want to get back with him? Please advice as I am really scared of what I should do if he contacts me and if he won’t.
Thanks a lot.
Julia

March 4, 2014 at 8:44 pm

I wrote a message below and this is my breathe continued…

My ex obviously is not telling the truth to both sides, bending the truth to put him in a good light and me in a bad light to everyone. None of his friends know how he’s been acting since our breakup. Right now, he’s just being a jerk.

I’m hoping one day he will look back and see what a jerk he was and feel bad about it. I’m hoping later on down the road I would hear from him and he would apologize.

Is that possible for someone like this?
Julia

March 4, 2014 at 8:35 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend initiated the breakup and he was sobbing saying this is the hardest thing he’s ever had to do and I’m so important to him he wants me in his life and I told him if he does anything with the girl he cheated on me with, I can’t be friends with him. He said no he doesn’t want to invite that drama as that caused a lot of pain for us both.

Shortly after he texts me saying he’s scared and I didn’t respond, and then he announces on facebook that he’s back in the game, let’s me know he reactivated his dating profile that we met on, and says bye bye.

Later that night he’s at my house dropping off pictures of us, including the picture he had of us on his desk along with my stuff. I didn’t respond and didn’t act.

Few days later he sends me a link he thought I would think is funny and I did say yea that’s funny. He tried to add me as a friend on facebook and I declined. Later he caused drama with my friends and I told him that’s not cool, I don’t feel like I can go to the party now a bad impression has been made of myself and these people don’t know me. His response was okay.

Still not talking to him, a week later he puts me in a negative light with mutual friend, not acknowledging his shit but blaming me for everything, pointing out my flaws hoping I’m not rebounding because he would never do that to me. But yet I saw he’s friends with the girl he’s cheated on me with and hanging out with her.

At this point I felt like I need to stand up for myself. I told him so it’s okay for you to all this to me and your telling my roommate how I need to be after a breakup? We ended up getting into a fight. He was accusing me of rebounding and going on dates and what not when I haven’t. I told him no no no and he still called me a liar. He said my request about saying I can’t be friends with him if he rebounds with the girl he cheated on me with as unnacceptable. First says, they are friends he doesn’t plan on dating her but later on says whatever he does with her is none of my concern.

I was shocked. I ended up blocking him on my phone and facebook.

Why did he act like that? How could he put all blame on me why we broke up? Why is he acting like this when he said he wanted me as a friend in his life?

I’m not contacting him. Not worth it. He so irrational i can’t have a conversation with him. Anything I saw gets pushed to the side not acknowledged and I’m the bad guy.

admin

March 5, 2014 at 5:21 pm

He probably is immature and he probably doesn’t know how to deal with the breakup.

Fiona

March 4, 2014 at 7:57 pm

Hi. Me and my now ex boyfriend have been broken up for a week now. It’s been difficult as he broke up with me. I’ve tried so hard to get him to give me another chance but he won’t. We never cheated and we still love each other. He broke up with me because we fought over stupid little things that could be fixed but he doesn’t have time to sort it out and he told me he’s not mature enough. He’s stressed out as he has exams in a few weeks and they are really important to him and his family. He studies a lot and has barely any time for me or his friends. And he works too! I’m not sure what to do. He told
Me he still loves me and he doesn’t want to do this but he has to because he wants to escape from everything… He’s acting like he doesn’t care about me anymore. We talked a few days ago and he said that it’s over and that’s just have to accept it!!! I’ve also noticed he’s been in contact with a girl I dislike. I’ve been doing the NC rule for 2 days now and all I do is think about him and I’m scared incase he moves as he’s told me to move on when I don’t want to. I love him so much and I want to be with him. What should I do??

admin

March 5, 2014 at 5:19 pm

You are still so early into this no contact rule. Give it some time.

Amber

March 4, 2014 at 2:44 pm

Hi Chris,

I seriously am your biggest fan. It’s actually a little embarrassing. Before anything, I cant tell you enough how much reading your blogs has helped me throughout my most difficult times. The minute I feel weak, I seriously have your blog on my phone and I just re-read it over and over. I have to tell you… I cant thank you enough for writing this and letting us know how men really think, and what their actions means.

I am now exactly on 21 days of no contact with my Ex. Our 7 year anniversary is March 10. I am not fb friends with my ex, but he will put status’s like “never regret anything” and just pretending to be so happy like the way you described in the “The Fake Reality Phenomenon” paragraph. (Thank you so much for also explaining that to us woman) anyways… last night he sent me a text asking me if i went onto his fb and changed his password and screwed with his stuff, I didnt answer him, then he was like “wtf i am freaking the hell out” … then he sent question marks “?????” when i didnt answer him. He should know I don’t have his fb password, and even if I did, i wouldn’t invade his privacy like that, since in the end it would hurt me more then him… do you think he is just trying to initiate a conversation with me? Either way, of course i left him hanging… I didn’t answer him, because I knew if i did you would be very disappointed. 😉

Thuy Duong

March 26, 2014 at 5:18 pm

I am Chris’s fan too.
I have just started NC for 2 days but this site helps me so much. I feel better now because I can’t put him out in my mind and do what I like. Now I still love my ex bf much but I think I can’t stand if he will not come back after NC period.
Thank you so much Chris. You help me continue to live well without him!
admin

March 4, 2014 at 6:47 pm

🙂 so your the biggest fan.

So nice to meet you.

I think you hit it on the head. He is just trying to initiate a convo with you.
Amber

March 4, 2014 at 6:58 pm

Not only do you give great advice but you sure are wicked cute. I don’t think you get enough credit running this site. Maybe I should let my Ex go and get with you 😉

I got a question for you… how can someone play the nc rule on you, if you already know all about it? You are playing the game but ten times better… do you fall for it even though you know all about it?
admin

March 5, 2014 at 5:18 pm

Thanks I guess.

I am pretty sure if I really was falling for someone or had feelings for them the no contact rule would work on me even though I know it would be happening.

Lauren

March 4, 2014 at 6:35 am

I’m on day 7 of no contact. My boyfriend and I dated for a year before I found out he cheated on me. Throughout the relationship I caught him in a couple of lies about text messages sent to girls and it started to wear on our relationship towards the end which he says led to his cheating. When I found out he cheated he admitted to cheating on me at the beginning of our relationship but only because he wasnt sure I was going to commit to him or not. Anyways, after I found out he cheated I was a wreck. Calling him, texting, emailing, the whole shibang. After we tried working things out I was just so miserable and angry that i wasnt allowing it work. I would leave his apt if he said the wrong thing, the fights were getting worse, and finally he said I wasnt allowing myself to be happy or allowing for things to work even though ‘he was doing everything he could’. He told me to stop contacting him…which I did. I did send him a text after that telling him I was way too good for him and that I didnt deserve what he had done to me.
I think he looks at this all as ‘yes i cheated on her but i tried to make it work and she wasnt letting that happen.’ I know it was because i hadnt given anytime to myself to cool down, think, and forgive. I’m not sure if I want him to contact me but Im preparing myself for it. However, he seems to be moving on just fine. People keep telling me theyve ran into him at bars, leaving with girls, and just back to his old bachelor lifestyle. He’s 29 and had admittedly always talked about having a family and kids. So why is he doing this? Will he come crawling back?

admin

March 4, 2014 at 7:00 pm

Let me ask you this….

What is your reasoning for wanting him back?
Lauren

March 4, 2014 at 8:30 pm

Because I know our potential and I know I can forgive him. However, I know I need this NC time to really take time and KNOW for sure if I believe hes right for me and that the thoughts of what he did wont destroy us.
He’s deleted most, not all, of our pics together and told me basically he doesnt want me to talk to him anymore.
I’m fine with going through this knowing we may never be together again but all I’m wondering is whats going through his mind and do you think he will reach out.

Becca

March 3, 2014 at 7:48 am

I’m on day 2 of NC. I sent the whole classy end things on a good note text, he replied the next afternoon “very well written”, and I have not, nor do I plan on replying. Two questions:

1- we live 1100 miles apart, and I’m 4 months pregnant with his child. Should I also ignore questions about the baby/pregnancy/how I’m feeling physically? I plan to ignore statements like “hope you and the baby are doing well” that he has sent me before (I’ve previously just replied with “thanks”), but what about flat out questions? Answer succinctly, then return to NC? He definitely wants to be involved in the baby’s life, and I don’t want to seem as though I’m preventing that, no matter if things don’t work out.

2- he and I both have iPhones. I typically leave my read receipts on. He does not. So that means he can see I’ve read his messages and not replied. Is it ok to leave it this way, or should I turn them off?

Thanks!

admin

March 3, 2014 at 6:39 pm

1. You can answer questions only when you absolutely have to about the baby. Anything about how your feeling physically or the baby or the pregnancy that are general questions you should ignore during NC. Keep in mind though, if something about the pregnancy comes up that is important he does have a right to know.

2. Turn them off.
Becca

March 3, 2014 at 8:03 pm

Got it, thanks!

Sage

March 2, 2014 at 8:29 am

Firstly, I brought your e-book last night and read it back to front and I HATE reading. You did good 😉

Now, my story. I am on day 1 of NC. I am feeling pretty awesome about it actually because other then this blowup now, we have not had any in the 8 months we have known each other and the 3 weeks we had been dating …

He is Mr Angry man right now and I am Ms Angry woman. We said things to each other we shouldn’t have. I think it was a mis-communication on both parts but I am getting the blame and he is the one who has put the break on. I’ll admit I reacted badly and I flooded his Facebook, sms and called a LOT! The night before this he explained to me he cannot always reply straight away. I told him I understood. But I had a gut feeling something was wrong and when I saw he had seen my messages with no response, I totally lost it.

I had told him early on in the piece I HATE being ignored, it drives me nuts. We live about an hour apart from one another so we reply on phone calls and sms and Facebook messages a lot. As we all know you cannot see how someone feels unless in person, or hear their voice unless you’re on the phone. I told him if he gave me a quick message about what was happening I would be fine, but he didn’t.

So, I reacted badly, sue me … I apologised a lot, but there is only so much apologising one can do and I am done with apologising for a simple mistake!

He is a busy guy, his father just had a heart transplant so his work has lagged and he is getting pressure from that. We had said from the get go we would take it slow and he asked me to give him time. I said sure, I was cool with that because I thought and still think he is worth the time to persue.

The message he sent yesterday was this: “At the moment I have way to much on my plate. I cannot be with anyone at the moment … That’s something you need to understand. I have a million things on my mind that I need to do, that is all I can offer right now …”

I said I understood and that I will wait for him. I meant it, however long it takes.

The last message i received was this: ‘You’ll hear from me soon …” I have left it at that.

He didn’t say he wanted to be friends only so I have hope. I think the NC rule is perfect, whats your opinion and be brutally honest here 🙂 I am a big girl, I can take it …
Marie

March 1, 2014 at 12:39 am

Hi Chris,
So here’s the deal. My bf broke up with me few days ago- about ten days after our 1st year anniversary. After inital begging (few messages first day) I started nc. Its been the third day so far. We see each other almost every day in work but the communication is strictly about work.
I have followed your advises and made some changes and I am my usual happy self in work. Nobody in work even noticed that we broke up. I am keeping my emotions inside and its really tough. Today after I left work my ex texted me he will bring my belongings to work tomorrow. I didn’t reply. An hour later he said: Yes, no? I waited and then texted back: oh yes. Obviously lol. I am sorry I am busy and I didn’t see your message. He texted back saying: well now you can delete my number as we are not going to speak any time soon. I ignored that. An hour later another message saying Just shows you don’t take long to move on lol, just shows who you really are. I ignored that as well.

But I am so scared that he will think I stopped loving him and caring about him although I have told him my feelings so many times before and even straight after he dumped me.

So was it a bad decisions to text him back about my stuff? And did I appear more relaxed and confident and happy than I should have? Do you think he will still be wondering about what I am doing and he will miss me or is he going to move on because I “moved on”? I know for fact he loves me and break up is hurting him (although it was his decision). Any ideas whats his mindset atm?

admin

March 2, 2014 at 7:11 pm

No it wasn’t a bad decision.

I think you handled it perfectly.
Marie

March 4, 2014 at 11:47 pm

Hey,
Thank you for your answer. Just want to thank you for this website and want to tell everyone who is as miserable as I was just few days ago- Follow everything what’s written here word by word because it really works! My bf has texted me a bunch of messages, started to apologise, started to realise what he’s been doing wrong-even realised how stupid decision breaking up was. I would never believe he will openly admit not just to me but to everyone around that he has done a lot of mistakes. I thought that he was so stubborn that he will rather be without me forever than apologise and change his mind. But hey, here I am-happier and stronger than ever before just thanks to this website. And if I will take him back (yes the decision is now mine, not his!), I know (and he knows as well) I won’t let him treat me bad ever again!. So seriously be strong and value and respect yourself at the first place!
Thank you Chris. You are an angel.

Karla

February 28, 2014 at 1:52 pm

Hi, I have been reading all of your guides since me and my ex broke up 3 months ago. I properly started my NC a week ago and it’s going well. He message me on Facebook about one of my friends yesterday but I read it and completely ignored him. I’m a bit hurt though because my NC end the week before what would have been our 1 year anniversary. That date meant A LOT to us! The thing is he told me before I started the NC rule that he wanted to know how I was every now and again and I stupidly told him that he would have to call me and ask to meet up if he wanted to know how I was because I wasn’t prepared to have anymore phone conversations with him. This is my dilemma… What if he asks to meet up with me before the 30 days are up? If I ignore him he may think I no longer care and am not interested in meeting up with him. However, if I reply it will be breaking the no contact rule… What do you suggest I do?
Michelle

February 28, 2014 at 1:54 am

10 days into no contact and he sent me so many texts today. One of them said to listen to his favorite song and the lyrics to that song actually go something like, “well I need you now… I’m a selfish broken heart”. Im not sure if he’s recommending this song to me because it’s how he’s feeling and wants to hint at that or if he just wanted to start a conversation. He even texted me when he was home from work. An hour after that, he wrote, Really not even a hi? If you want me to just not bother talking to you just say so. Don’t leave me hanging like this. And just now he sent ok you win I’ll leave you alone. Goodbye.
My problem is, he’s stubborn and hotheaded. He already sent me a message saying he’ll remove my number and leave etc, that forced me to talk to him. I’m scared this time he’ll actually mean it because he is aware that i’m ignoring him. And he just said goodbye.
Am I losing him or is he trying to punish me? He seems to be emotionally invested in me, why would he just say goodbye?

admin

February 28, 2014 at 10:54 pm

Have you read my latest guide? Or my last few latest guides. You seriously should.
Michelle

March 2, 2014 at 2:07 am

I have. And you’re right about everything.
Today he texted me first thing in the morning about how he misses me and wanted me to talk to him because he’s worried about me. He even used the nickname he used to call me. I didn’t reply and I’m not going to for a while but should I cut NC down to 21 days? Or should I stick with 30 days? Last time I spoke to him on the phone he said he doesn’t know if he loves me anymore. I’m his best friend and only friend though. Basically the only person who he was able to trust so much. He used to tell me this all the time. So maybe right now he’s just missing his best friend but not the relationship? It really confuses me.
Actually, while typing this he texted me again.

lily

February 26, 2014 at 8:35 pm

chris im in 3 days of NC, he send me msg saying ‘so now you dont want to talk to me?” what should i do? REALLY NEED HELP. btw im afraid he will be angry. im trying to find the same situation in your previous comment tho..

admin

February 27, 2014 at 7:39 pm

Ok, LISTEN TO ME!

I want you to read this guide:

WORD FOR WORD. It will help your fears on him being “angry”

WORD FOR WORD. If you skip a single syllable I (ME) will be “angry” with you.

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back-version-2-0/

Juliana

February 25, 2014 at 4:41 am

Hi Chris! I need your help as well! Long story short… I dated this guy .. our mutual friends hooked us up (married couple: the husband is his best friend, wife is my best friend) anyway within 2 weeks of talking to each other we became official.. he made it official. At this time it was long distance because he was playing hockey in Sweden. But, he quit hockey (and was feeling a lot of pressure from every angle in his life and was upset of course about ending his hockey career) and when he came home I met his parents, basically his entire family (brothers, sisters in laws, niece and all of his cousins). Then suddenly one day he calls me and tells me that he wants to take things slow and start from the beginning and remove the titles of bf and gf. After the phone call I didnt contact him but he did asking me out on a date 2 days later.. but had to cancel because the weather was bad. He then goes to florida on vacation and texts me twice, the second time asking me out again. Eventually we went on a date. I didnt know how to react so I kept my and arms and legs crossed but I noticed he tried to either have his leg touch mine or his arm touch mine. After the date, he wished me happy birthday (it was my birthday 2 days before our date) but he never texted me again asking me to go out on another date.. So I have been texting him at least once a week (which is bad). But sometimes he will say things like “about to go to bed. Message me tomorrow. have a good night and l like an idiot would message him the next day. I have recently started the NC rule on every account.. facebook, instagram and text messages( its been 6 days so far). I have read many of your blogs and giving it a go. I am hoping to get him back.. we didnt end on bad terms and really.. we have so many good things in common.. he’s perfect for me.. and he has even said that i am perfect for him too. So.. If I stop talking to him and not liking any of his photos on instagram, etc.. will he even notice that? I am hoping because he was used to me texting him every week.. he will start to wonder what happened.. ? Thoughts??

admin

February 25, 2014 at 6:49 pm

Hopefully that happens. Just be patient right now.
Juliana

February 26, 2014 at 3:06 am

Do you think it’s possible that he is still somewhat interested in me? I am apparently the only girl out of many that has had such an affect on him.. even his mom said that to me
admin

February 27, 2014 at 7:23 pm

Ya I think it is possible.

cate

February 24, 2014 at 7:10 am

Me ex and I have been split for 7 months. He left after 4 years of dating( we are both 55) I never contacted him however he contacted me about every 10 days, via text, then calls. NOW….. he is showing up at my workplace parking lot and driving by my car( several times) and driving by my house( my neighbors told me) HE LEFT ME and now he is stalking me. I even think he is dating someone casually. I know our split was very difficult for him and he didn’t want to be alone.. If he left why is he stalking me???? He’s acting like the victim here. I have asked him to come home after he gets help for his “needing to leave” problem( he leaves and always returns 3x in 3 years). but he refuses
If he left… why is he stalking me??? Does this mean he still loves me or does he just want to be in control????? Please advise
Cate

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4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”