The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Margaret Hale

March 23, 2014 at 10:19 pm

Hi, Chris

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of the help you freely give us females and for always having our backs. 26 days ago an “Angry Guy”/”Stubborn Guy” wrote me out of his life. Because I truly do know his stubborn/angry nature, I hold no delusions that he will ever contact me again. I like to think that the 19 months we shared did make him happy and that he thinks about me. But your advice above: “Really take a good hard look at your previous relationship and ask yourself a simple question: “do I want to do this again?” opened my eyes. My response is no, I don’t. So thank you again, Chris. Sending you a cyber hug.

admin

March 24, 2014 at 5:52 pm

Cyber hug received and returned 😉 .
CountryFried

June 24, 2014 at 2:35 pm

I’m JEALOUS! LOL

I’m gonna ignore you for 45 days!
admin

June 24, 2014 at 6:29 pm

Okay…

ellie

March 23, 2014 at 7:31 am

After 15 years, I discovered my current ex was on sex/dating sites. I was about to tell him and he laughed it off. Long story short, after his text, I never replied. I have not contacted him in over 50 days, prior to this “NC”, we were in touch daily, Intimate, I have my own room at his place,(where I lived for 10 years), we have two cats, We have to sons, I am raising. I am unsure I am making right choice. He has not contacted me, missed my baptism, our sons graduation, birthday and it is like we don’t exist. He always had me take care our of our boys, he and I made our relationship work. It will be 58 days tommarow. Any advice will help!

admin

March 23, 2014 at 5:05 pm

You can contact him… it’s been past the NC period.

Also, hes kind of lame for missing your sons graduation.

Laura

March 22, 2014 at 7:32 pm

Its been two weeks.. I have no hopes in him coming back </3 hes the angry guy.. And already searching for the right one, i messed up and now things will never be the same

admin

March 23, 2014 at 4:45 pm

Why do you say that? It’s only been two weeks. You didn’t think you were going to get him back in two weeks did you?

Molly

March 18, 2014 at 8:46 am

I think I’m dealing with a cross between stubborn and clueless. He is terrible with responding to txts. We had what I considered a bad date a week ago and I tried to contact him to talk about it…He didn’t respond. A day later.. He called and txt me wanting to see me and acted like there had never been an awkward night. During the time before he contacted me again. ..I felt like I had seriously hurt his feelings and couldn’t understand why. I felt awful. A few days later, he told me that he had just actually heard a voice mail I left him while I thought he was ignoring me. He seemed to have no clue that anything had been wrong at all. And during that whole quiet time I thought he was ending things and just ignoring me. I let him know that it bothered me that he hadn’t even listened to the voice mail til 2 days later. . He showed up at my work immediately. Calling me sweetie. .. and wanting to talk. .I couldn’t cause I was working (I’m a bartender).. He blew me a kiss and left. I sent him a txt later saying thank you for coming by. That it meant a lot. It’s been almost 2 days and he hasn’t responded. I am so confused! Is this a game? Or is this really that he just doesn’t get it?. So technically, he has begun the no contact (whether on purpose or not) and I’m wondering if me just not sending anything else (no contact) would even be noticed? .. I’m lost on this one. Any thoughts/advice would be aporeciated. Thank you.
Maggie

March 17, 2014 at 9:14 pm

Hey Chris!
So it’s been day 9 of NC and to my surprise my ex boyfriend has contacted two of my friends asking about me! But he still is defensive when it comes to the breakup and doesn’t seem like he wants to get back with me. Is he putting up a front? Or do you think he is just trying to justify himself to my friends?

Can’t believe that NC is actually working, this is awesome! 🙂

admin

March 20, 2014 at 6:42 pm

Hahaha glad it is working for you.

Au'brii

March 17, 2014 at 2:30 am

Hello Chris, I hope you’re doing well.
Here goes my dilemma, hope you respond:
I had been dating my ex for a year, and we had an argument about seemingly nothing, but it brought up all these things he had been feeling about me for some time (I didn’t appreciate him, I took him for granted), and the next day he broke up with me. At first, I tried to convince him to “undo” it, then I desperately said “Let’s be friends”, and he agreed. The day after that, I realized that I didn’t want that at all. So I did the hardest thing: texted him telling him I can’t be his friend after being in an relationship with him after a year. He somewhat seemed shocked, but accepted it. I also strongly implied that he not contact me/ give us space. I have just completed week one of “Active No Contact”, where I am still working on a better me, because I realize I was no angel in our previous relationship at all. I never cheated, or abused him but I did take him for granted at times/ not show appreciation when i should’ve. I guess I just got used to everything and very comfortable. I turned from this confident go- getter to a dependent, needy, nagging girl. Even my mom could see it.

I am just wondering if he even cares? What I mean by that is he seems fine. When we see each other, he doesn’t ignore me, he says hi and asks how I’m doing. Is he doing that to be polite? I’m never rude to him when he does, but I always “keep it moving” ( don’t engage in conversation). I have read many other pages on your site, but is there any personal advice for me? I just am a bit worried he’s fine and not really caring past not wanting to look like a “bad guy”, which he never was. Do you think I have a shot?

On a side note, this website is great. Me and a lot of other girls are very grateful. I personally like to get guy advice, from a guy, and I don’t like for it to be sugar coated. Thank you!:)
Ally

March 17, 2014 at 12:27 am

No contact day 22. Friends with benefits situation that got to close, he told me he loved me, then pulled away when i fell inlove with him, its been 4 months since we were really close but he contacts every 2 weeks , but i always responded to his messages because i didnt want to be a bxxtch, he has put the distance between us. Hes newly seperated aswell.
He told me he was seeing someone else.I said okay and left it, he then has still been msging every 2 weeks, and last time i didnt respond as i am in no contact, he called me an arsehole for not being his friend and that he misses seeing me etc and that the girl he is seeing he isnt serious with, i ignored. I think i need at least 2 months of no contact with this guy to see how he really feels. If he doesnt make a genuine effort im moving on in the process!
Hannah

March 14, 2014 at 6:37 pm

Hi Chris!
I love your site and advice. I’m sure many girls like myself have learned a thing or two.
Here’s my problem: my ex and I have been on and off for a long time. Recently he has had some major life issues and because he was ignoring me, I went off and spent three or so days emailing and texting him and kind of went crazy… 🙁 I don’t know what came over me.
Today he said he was so mad that I did that, I should have given him his space, etc. He asked me not to contact him anymore. I realize I made some mistakes, and I have no intention of texting him anymore, but do you think NC will work to make him cool off for a bit? 🙁
Shannon

March 13, 2014 at 4:03 pm

Hello Chris! I read your blog and I find it wonderfully enlightening. I am interested in reading your ebook.

I have a dilemma. My ex broke it off with me a few days ago after seeing each other for a year. We were planning to move together and he’s also talked about marriage. We used to talk everyday for hours until the break up, although he works alot of hours.

Long story short, he insisted that the reason why he broke up me in a long email. For the most part, i assumed he was very happy with me, but many of the reasons he pointed out were petty and some of the things he said wasn’t true about me. After exchanging several emails, we talked on the phone about it. He suggested we be friends, he sounded miserable and sad I had noticed. I told him that wasn’t a good idea and ended the conversation and then sent him a long polite email clarifying some of what we discussed and told him to take care. Tried going NC but wound up calling him that same day and he never answered or returned my call. There has been no contact since then and its been three days, except he is still on my FB. Did I screw up? Its been really rough, but I am hangin’ in there though.

Thanks!
A L N

March 12, 2014 at 7:42 pm

Hi Chris! I just started reading your site and it is very interesting. I met this guy in around August/September, we were talking regularly via the phone and texting. We started spending time with each other around the latter part of October. We both established we were not looking for a serious relationship and would just be friends. We were going really good until about the middle of January. He purchased a new car and went on vacation. We talked up until the day he left for vacation and a week later when he came back he was completely different. It’s like the person I knew before had gotten left on vacation. He barely responded to my texts, he was always gone, and we stopped spending as much time together. The last time we were together he was a complete jerk…he complained about the sex, that I now wasn’t the type of female he liked, etc. I don’t know what happened. I told him he hurt my feelings and he apologized but his comments cut deep. What I don’t understand is that we were getting close and then BOOM, his attitude changed. Two weeks ago I texted him asking him if I was bothering him because I got the impression I was annoying him but he didn’t respond. I texted him the next day that I will take his non-response as a “yes” and while we did have fun, I will no longer bother him. He did respond two days later with “lmao”. Needless to say that pissed me off but I did not respond to his text, I immediately instituted the no contact with him even before I came across your site. Can you provide some insight into what may have happened and what is going on with him as a guy? Thanks Chris.
Annie

March 12, 2014 at 5:08 pm

Okay so i get all the reasons and stuff why you should do the no contact rule and why its supossed to work but what i dont understand is when you do the no contact rule and you start feeling better without the person or even realize you dont want them back or even if you still want them back it will be easier for you…why is it different for the other person? If they have no contact to you wont they also be like feeling better without you after time especially when they left you already feeling good with the break up or left you because they didnt think about you anymore or didnt miss you anymore?
Amanda Lewoof

March 12, 2014 at 2:51 am

Hi Chris, I just broke up with my boyfriend cause I cheated on him. We’re in this Long Distance Relationship and I’m just not strong enough. Theres this guy who always there with me when I’m getting in a small or big arguments with my boyfriend and the cheating part just happen. I slept with the other guy for several times, maybe it wasnt makes sense but at the moment I miss my my boyfriend so much and it feels like he’s there only in a different form. Then I started to feel the remorse and hating myself. Tried to talk to my friends and they said I should leave the other guy but I should make it like hes the one that leave me, just so he have no hurt feeling. So I keep texting this guy, pretending the I’m feeling the same way but keep telling him to try to talk to other girls and stuff. I even ask him to stop contacting me and everything, but probably I was too nice so he doesnt got my message and start growing feelings for me. I couldnt play it anymore, I love my boyfriend so much, I just blocked the other guy from everwhere. My boyfriend smells something fishy of course, he caught a photo of me driving this guy to the airport and I lied about it. He’s hurting as hell, feeling down, even got physically sick cause I lied to him about going to the airport. He asked me the truth about this guy and I lied again telling him nothing going on with this guy, I just don’t wanna lose him. I’m afraid hes gonna leave me in instance and the thought of it scared me to death. And so finally we passed that, hes coming to town, we spent time together and I feel so much alive, realizing I love him so much, but at the same time I keep worrying about the past. Like should I come clean when he asked, or should I come clean to him out of the blue or should I just shut up until my dying day. I decided to shut up. We went on a holiday together, and then the past just catch up to me. Out of the blue the other guy message my boyfriend on facebook and tell him everything, I can see the frustation, the anger, the betrayed, the hurts on my boyfriend’s face. I still can’t tell him the truth, I keep denying it saying this guy is crazy and everything (which I really regret). I decided to go home separately and gave him his space. Then I finally arrived home, I texted him to let him know, and he said “who cares, you’re a lying bitch” and sent me photos of proof. Turns out the other guy send him 3 pictures to proof what he said is right. I can’t deny it anymore I started to say sorry but he keeps on rejecting me, saying he still love me but he can’t think he can forgive or forget. I was so devastated, he doesnt trust anything I said anymore. He even doubt I love him, he thought its all just an act, a fact love. Now I’m starting to do a no contact, but I’m planning to go across to meet him in 2 weeks cause thats the only date I can do.. Can I just do the no contact for 2 weeks? I really don’t know what to do now, I’m clueless, I’m feeling lost, I don’t wanna lose him, I want him back…

Amanda Lewoof

March 12, 2014 at 2:55 am

*a fake love

Eve

March 11, 2014 at 8:59 am

Hey Chris,
I am on day 26 of NC, after my bf of 15 months broke up with me on valentine’s. Reason: he didn’t have ‘That feeling’ anymore. I tend to think my repeatedly demanding him to get treatment for an STD he’s had for the last 4 months is the real reason (no cheating, just return of the virus).
He left, i havent spoken to him since. He isn’t a ‘normal’ guy cause he has pdd nos, a form of autism which makes any form of adequate feeling, communicating, and communicating those feelings difficult.
I am his first love/GF, he’s 21 and i’m 25.
Mutual friends inform me he’s been drinking his head off non-stop the last couple of weeks (they don’t know about the autism and STD so i can’t ask for help in those departments) He also blocked me, then unblocked me, and blocked me again on fb (although i didn’t do anything?!).
Question: after almost 1 month of NC, and in light of the autism, was this the right thing to do?
Laura

March 10, 2014 at 1:36 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me 10 days ago. He said he had very strong feelings for me but was in a bad place and wasn’t ready for a relationship. He said he wanted to be friends but I assumed that he meant he wanted to keep me around ‘just in case’ so I said no I think it is better if we have no contact. He said he respected my decision. I know he won’t contact me because I asked him not to so what should I do? Will I contact him after 30 days?
Stephanie K

March 10, 2014 at 10:04 am

Hi found this site while browsing on Google. My x recently broke contact after 5mos w a lame text that he found some of my old emails and was thinking of me. I did not teply back. I’m curious why now. 5 mos ago he withdrew himself from me completely, causedtension, we barely talked so after trying to reconnect w him, he betrayed me. Wanting answers I pestered him which ultimately ended up w him feeding me lies and excuses. I was fed up so I went no contact. I don’t think he has a friggin clue lol. Man done ppl can be so dense. If he pushed me to the point of no return, webby bother keep my number? Hmmm well I’ve moved on! 🙂

admin

March 10, 2014 at 5:55 pm

So, you moved on?

Or do you still want him back?
Stephanie K

March 10, 2014 at 10:05 am

Excuse my typos I’m on my phone and it’s late! Lol
admin

March 10, 2014 at 5:55 pm

No problem! Glad you like the site.

JC

March 10, 2014 at 12:53 am

If I basically texted him and told him what an awful person he was for making me think he loved me when his BFF said he just no longer wanted to do long distance relationship and then told him I would never speak to him again and that I was blocking him from all contact. Will the no contact rule work if I truly know he does love me but has severe depression, but what if it was just an act and I was just a crutch to help him while he is going through a divorce? I am not conceded, but I would consider myself to be pretty attractive and I do not have a problem getting a man. I just want him is my problem. Do I have a chance if he is emotionally consumed by divorce and I live 4 hours away? We only dated for a month but it was pretty hot and heavy really fast because he seemed almost obsessed with me. Texted me constantly talked to me on the phone for hours. Ugh what a mess…. So I was spending the weekend with him a week ago and we never have problems, so everything was perfect until he woke up Sunday morning a totally different person. Wtf?

JC

March 11, 2014 at 4:49 pm

Wow, never mind. He emailed me this morning. What sucks is I can’t respond for 26 more freaken days. OMG that seems like forever. What if he never tries to reach out to me again? At least he was apologizing and telling me how important I am. So at least the door is still open. God help me…. 26 days….

clare

March 9, 2014 at 7:17 pm

hi i dont know what happens if i do the breaking up! found that my boyfriend has been immature staying out drinking alot and we have a child together.he stays out for days every few month and never learns his lesson. hes been taking me for granted! i made him leave the house. he did so very easily no apology no explanation.. nothing! he is very stubborn. ive been doing nc for 9 days only speaking to him when its about child. very limited! i want him to come to me and apologise and maybe say he will change! is the nc rule still going to work?
Daley

March 8, 2014 at 10:48 pm

Hi Chris,

I have gone no contact for 15 days and my on-again/off-again ex is acting strange. He broke up with me but wanted to stay friends, I tried for 2 weeks and couldn’t do it so a few days after I announced I needed space and I didn’t want to be friends if we weren’t together (we recently bought townhouses two doors down from each other, pre-breakup so getting space is already tough but I was determined to go no contact), he started calling my best friend’s boyfriend (who is currently living in my home!) and wanting to be friends with him, he came by to visit the guy when I wasn’t home and then a couple of he called the guy to ask if he could borrow my snow shovel (who does that!?!) When he came to the door, I broke no contact to go down and give him the shovel. I also told him how rude and ridiculous it is to call my house guest asking to borrow my stuff (after I asked for space), he looked downright happy to see me and amused that I was telling him he was rude. He asked how I was doing and if he should come in from the cold entryway and I said no that won’t be necessary, we made small talk and he asked me three times during the convo “are you okay” to which I always replied yes, I’m fine. I also took the opportunity to ask him about some money he owes me which he promised he would pay by the end of the month and then I said okay well return the shovel when you can and closed the door. What’s going on? Do I need to re-start no contact from day 1? How do I manage no contact with the neighbor situation we have going on?

admin

March 10, 2014 at 5:26 pm

I think maybe some type of limited contact is best.

Laura

March 8, 2014 at 4:08 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend of almost 1 year broke up with me last night. We were at a party together and he was touching other girls in front of me making his intentions quite clear. Afterwards he told me he loves me and cares for me but doesn’t feel IN love with me anymore but he wants to stay friends. Do I even bother trying to get him back?
Dani

March 8, 2014 at 5:02 am

Hey I was wondering if you have anything against longer NC period? Im half way through right now.

I just don’t feel like I will be ready by the end of mine. I’m in a big life transition right now so I would like to get by act together first and start working on myself rather then go back to him as the same person.
I also know he is used to being ignored/ignoring others from a strained father relationship if that makes a difference.

I was also wondering if I should go out of my way to avoid physically seeing him if i would have normally been at the same place as him?

Thanks!!!

admin

March 8, 2014 at 7:17 pm

Nope nothing against a longer one.

« Previous 1 … 75 76 77 78 79 … 89 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”