The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,271 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Lucyemma

April 5, 2014 at 7:46 am

Quick question I deleted my ex from fb coz I didn’t want to watch him move on he texted me asking why then made an excuse about really wanting to know when the best time was to drop my stuff off. Initially I responded coz I want my stuff back and I managed to get him to tell me he is still in love with me he just has to stick to his decision this time. When I mentioned about coming round to drop my stuff off he ignored my texts after that what the hell does this mean? Confused much?!

admin

April 6, 2014 at 4:56 pm

He is probably angry about the situation in general I bet.

Sara

April 4, 2014 at 1:05 pm

My situation may be a little different. I got in a relationship with a guy purely for sex. I tried to tell him a few times that’s all I wanted, however, whenever I was honest about this he would get upset so I always ended up saying I was just kidding. I never made the relationship official. He constantly asked me to be his girlfriend but I always told him no. Once we have sex, I’m not blown away, so I want to move on. I try to end things with him but he blows up my phone and begs me to stay and guilt trips me for past digressions. I always relented and stayed because bad sex was better than no sex. During all this his ex is calling and texting him and he starts seeing her. I tell him I’m happy for him and urge him to go and be with her but he lies and tells me he’s not involved with her and he only wants me. I do whatever I can to get out of the relationship but it was hard because we work together. So whenever I tried to enact the no contact rule he would come by my desk and not leave until I paid him attention. Finally one day he tells me he just wants to be friends but he wants to continue having sex. I would have been fine with this if he would have been more honest about his relationship with his ex, but he broke one of the stipulations he agreed upon, as long as we were having sex he wouldn’t have sex with anyone else. So I didn’t want to have sex with him anymore. And if we weren’t having sex I really didn’t see any reason to remain in contact with him. I tell him not to contact me but of course he doesn’t listen. I block his number. He starts calling me from a different number. I block that number he then calls me from a different number. When I block that number he begins to use *67 and on and on it went. I finally just changed my number so I wouldn’t have to deal with the constant ringing and the annoying text begging me to pick up. Herein lies my problem, ever since I changed my number this guy has been causing havoc for me at work. Whenever I go to speak with a friend that sits near him he pops up and stands behind me until I leave. He has a friend that sits next to my friend and he’ll often make lewd comments about me while I’m speaking with my friend. He also has been going around talking about me to everyone. I feel like he’s trying to get my attention because he’ll speak to people who sit right by me. I just ignore him. Now he’s going to my boss whenever I have the tiniest infraction, such as leaving early or late for lunch. This is what I cannot tolerate. My sister told me he feels rejected and rejected guys act like this and I’m just going to have to ride it out. What I don’t get is if this guy has already moved on (and mind you his ex works with us in the same department and sits near me), why can’t he just leave me alone? I thought for sure since he had his ex I wouldn’t have to go through anything crazy. Mind you, I know this column is about using the nc rule to get a guy back, but I don’t want this guy back. I was never attracted to him and thought this would be a easy and uncomplicated lay. I obviously was wrong.
Jade

April 4, 2014 at 12:42 pm

My ex of 2 years left me 3 weeks ago out of the blue and I have not contacted him since… Instead he has message me pointless messages every other day.. his last message was he asked me was it selfish of him to still feel highly about me.. We broke up because 2 mates in his circle don’t get on with me (they are a girl and boy) mainly the girl and it’s caused a divide in the group..
Anyway I’m my ex’s first ever gf so I know he’s up and down at the moment.. deep down I still love him.. But I needed my space and he wouldn’t leave me alone so I did the bad thing and told him I was asked on a date which I was asked but not going..
I would say he’s the clueless and stubborn guy..
Do you think there’s a chance of us getting back together?
Paige

April 4, 2014 at 5:55 am

Ahh, I’m not even sure I should do NC because the guy I’m trying to “win back” wasn’t even really my boyfriend. He and I had been seeing each other since Valentines day, and it ended over some very hazy terms. The guy I was seeing was 20, and I’m a couple years younger being 18. He’s had no prior relationship experience and apparently I was the first girl he was intimate with, so he says.
Anyways, I ended up pushing him a little bit trying to get him to commit to me or at least be clear with how he feels. And he was very hesitant, so I felt a little scorned and started an argument. His basic reason for breaking things off was because ” he wasn’t in the right place in his life and it wasn’t ‘fair’ to me” because I was doing most of the effort in seeing each other since he was unable to, for reasons he didn’t disclose to me. So he broke things off and I made the mistake of texting him multiple times saying that I wanted to work things out and I was willing to stick around through the hard times because he mattered to me. He ignored my efforts so I ended up showing up to his house after work one night and asking him to have a face to face conversation with him, however he denied it and told me to leave and that I was “freaking him out”. I feel like I’ve ruined the relationship by making myself look like that “psycho attached girl” and that implementing NC would be a waste of time and that there’s no way to salvage that relationship since we weren’t in love or anything. But he’s someone I truly care about and I’m not really sure where to go from here or what exactly to do to fix the damage. ): btw, this blog is gold, it’s so interesting to actually get a perspective on how women affect men.

admin

April 4, 2014 at 5:19 pm

Hahahaha oh women have an affect on men alright.

I think the reason people respond to this blog is because its from a mans perspective and who knows men better than a man?

So, you two hadn’t defined the relationship yet?

Brianna

April 4, 2014 at 2:25 am

Hey Chris, just needed some advice. Me and my ex were in a relationship for 6 months and have been thru a lot. I actually lost my virginity to him and then i got pregnant. As soon as i was pregnant he was supportive and by my side, however we had a miscarriage which was heartbreaking for both of us but we supported each other through it. However, during the time we were together i made a mistake by going on facebook and responding to guys messages and giving out my number and acting like i was single. I did this because it was a rough time and i handled the situation completely wrong. I had stopped flirting with other guys later in the relationship but one day he read all the messages and was completely heartbroken and lost trust for me. We broke up because i was trying to earn his trust back and i just felt like he was numb to it like he just didnt care anymore so i gave him his “promise ring” back and we ended things mutually. However, he texted me two days after the break up and just started talking like friends, this continued for a month until yesterday i told him that i loved him and wanted our relationship but he proceeded to tell me the whole relationship he put me before himself and now he has no job, no car, etc. and we wants to work on himself, also he still cant forgive me for talking to those guys. So he said until hes back on his feet and able to forgive that we could keep talking while he gets himself together. I told him i respected his decision but it kills to be his friend and when he feels like he could ever forgive me that he could contact me. He looked hurt with what i said but i had to do it for me. Now im thinking did i make the right choice? Do you think theres a good possibility of him contacting me? Thank you. And sorry for the long post !
Kimberly

April 3, 2014 at 9:41 pm

Im not sure how to handle my ex boyfriend..when we broke up he still wanted to be friends..but i kept saying sorry and texting him heart filled text..needless to say it was a waste of time…I have dont this a few other time’s in.the last month…we go from talking like really good friends then he starts being really mean..then I stop talking to him wait a few days..then we talk like things are fine…however you can tell he has walls up..and there is some anger there and hurt Im sure. He can’t seem to let go of something that happened a year ago..I have never cheated on him..I am his first g.f his first everything and hes really sensitive..I love him very much! I also notice when we text if I don’t answer a question or I take to long to apply he gets upset..he don’t like being ignored and he won’t admit it…he never wants to talk on the phone..he took me off Facebook….but he will still text..so I finally just stopped talking to him..this is day five now…and he hasn’t contacted me either…we were in a long distance realtionship.. but even with everything I know hes the one…We are both Christian and probably shouldn’t have done things till we were married..so he lost his v card to me. I’ve been married and divorced and in relationships he hasnt been..I have talked to his friend Josh the other night..but I never talked about my ex to him or even mentioned him..at the end of our.convo on Facebook I told him I missed everyone very much..and Josh replied the group misses you too..What should I do..Brandon is the type if you don’t talk he thinks you don’t care..please help! I want him to come after me

admin

April 4, 2014 at 5:13 pm

Well, let me ask you something.

What is it that he can’t let go of?
Kimberly

April 4, 2014 at 8:25 pm

Well when I went up there met his family..it was all good for the first week…his mom and sister seemed jealous all his.attention was on me..and they don’t like sharing or not having his attention..they want all his attention focused on me..i was the first girlfriend..well things got kinda ugly when I was there and I got very hurt how I was treated by his mom and sister..so Wrote a letter..telling him how hurt I was and how I wanted to go home..(i really didn’t want to leave because I loved him)..but I felt like an outsider at the point..so after i handed him the letter..he disappeared outside..couldn’t find him for hours! I was crying he was crying..I kept texting him and he finally came back inside from the woods..he was so upset his eye were blood shot and tears were just pouring down his face…he took the letter as me telling him to pick me or.his family..and I wasnt..and hes still hurt over this letter..i ended up quiting my job and going back home been doing the long distance for a year now..his mom and i talked things out before i left and things were fine…went up there for thanksgiving and things were perfect! No problems nothing..when we did break up he said maybe something in the future just not now..of course i kept pushing it and hr would get upset..so i just dropped it we were talking like normal…and now i just cut him off..his friends have no idea we broke up..and our group of friends misses me..now he has broke up with me before and nobody ever knew..(hes also wanting me to get a job and save money and go see a dr because i have health problems wnothet reason we broke up because i wasnt taking care of the things i needed…now Iam) so not sure what to think

Ann

April 3, 2014 at 4:31 am

My boyfriend proposed to me only 4months ago and two days ago he woke up and said he didn’t feel like same the weeks leading up to it he was slightly distant but was still sendin me lovey dovey texts. I tried the no contact rule and he doesn’t care he doesn’t text nothing. So I text him a casual text saying I was about to watch the show we always watch together haha. Still no reply. Am I passed the no contact rule? I love him sooo much and want him back but am I wasting my time thinkin that that can happen 🙁
Sam

April 3, 2014 at 12:31 am

What would make a “scared guy,” make a move? Or when? My ex and I broke up almost 12 weeks ago, he wanted to maintain the friendship after three years of dating, but I cut him off cold turkey the night he ended things, (I blocked him on fb and ig and told him to forget he knew me out of anger), knowing him id think he was scared of my anger towards him, he could also be stuborn though.

Weve been completely nc, with the slight exception of him liking something that my sorority sisters put up of me on ig about 2 weeks ago

admin

April 4, 2014 at 4:49 pm

The scared guy… sometimes you have to be the one to reach out first for this type of guy.
Sam

April 4, 2014 at 6:40 pm

Ok, and this may sound silly, but should I count that “like,” of my pic posted by my sisters as a bare minimum ir contact?
Sam

April 4, 2014 at 6:41 pm

Of*

Eva

April 2, 2014 at 2:43 pm

Hi Chris,

What’s the likelihood of return or contact if you think your ex is “A Scared Guy”? I’m almost done the NC period and have heard nothing from him.

I get the feeling he may be fearful of returning because I found out he wanted to be with another girl (he was flirting with her), so I did a preemptive strike and I broke up with him once I realized he was ignoring me and wanting her.

Apparently nothing ended up happening between them. He really wanted to stay friends, and he said I was the best girl he’s ever dated but I said no to being friends and cut contact. Do you think he will ever reach out, even after NC?
ellie

April 2, 2014 at 5:11 am

I appreciate you responding. However, I am unclear on being “past”, NC. rule. It was my understanding there is no set time, ex. 30, 60, 90+ days. And why would I reach out to someone who abandoned not just myself, our children? The last time he left was six weeks and he told me he was scared to call. He was very sorry. I hoped this would have got him to come back since he keeps leaving and coming back. Thanks!

admin

April 2, 2014 at 5:46 pm

Yes you are right there is no set time. However, he might be scared to call and if you do want him back you may have to make the first move and let him make all the other moves.
ellie

April 2, 2014 at 9:28 pm

Solid and sound advice! Would also liks to let you know the 1st few weeks was devastating and challenging. Now, I am going on 2.5 months, I feel confident. Emotionally, physically, mentally, I have a good sense of who I am and what I want. In the begining, I felt attached to him. I have a clear understanding of what N.C., means and purpose. I am feeling soo good, I still need time to sort out things for MY SELF! Till then, thanks again, for taking time to respond. Keep doing what you do! I hope others on here will also realize, N.C., is about empowering, loving, and taking care of us, it is not about other person!♥

Brandi

April 2, 2014 at 2:08 am

I have the angry guy reaction at this moment, and I have never cheated on him or anything involving another a guy, but we had some serious problems in our relationship. We’ve been together for the past two years, and right after our anniversary he broke up with me. Of course. Well its been about two and a half weeks, and in those weeks I made the mistake of begging and doing everything I shouldn’t have. I haven’t read anything of your articles today. I literally just found them today and they are so helpful. But, as I was saying, over the past two and a half weeks I’ve tried getting back with him, and he’s only gotten more and more pissed. However the first week after he broke up with me, he was pretty sweet. He hugged me, he told me everything would be okay, and wiped my tears, held me. And then we hadn’t talked all that weekend and then when I saw him the next week I was positive thinking things were better, and he became extremely angry saying he was just weak when he was being so sweet to me. And that he didn’t mean it, and he said some very cruel things. I’m a horrible person, apparently, and we were never meant for each other? Yet last Friday, he was slightly nicer again when I said that I was going to just let him come to me when he was ready inciting the no contact. And I hadn’t talked to him all that weekend. When I saw him today, he was terrible. I made a mistake by asking why he had blocked me on facebook because I had noticed he had. And he told me to leave him alone and basically everything involving our relationship, that he didn’t like about it. I asked if he hated me today, because there’s no way you can treat a person that way and not hate them. He said he doesn’t hate me, and he definitely seemed to mean it. He said that I just don’t to talk to you or see you right now. Which is why I’m giving him his space. I just love this kid, I’ve done everything with him. We’ve gone through high school together both being juniors, we’ve only ever been with each other, both being each other’s first. I just really can’t lose him. I’m sure the no contact will really help, but I just would like your opinion on his wishy washy actions. As the saying does go, actions speak louder than words. And I’m really hoping that’s true. He’s does some pretty sweet thing a the past few weeks still too. But he denies having any feelings for me and he says I don’t love you anymore, I wish I did but I can’t. I just feel like this is all talk, and if I don’t talk to him for the thirty days or even longer for more cooling off time for him, I think he might miss me and initiate a conversation. He did promise he would talk to me again, and that we might be able to try again in the future. And I’m willing to wait. If just love your advice though.

admin

April 2, 2014 at 5:42 pm

How bad were the serious problems?

Tess

April 2, 2014 at 12:36 am

I usual read these things & take it with a grain of salt but you sound like you know your stuff..So here i am asking for a guys opinion…hopefully you can give me some insight into my dilemma because everyone including me is stumped. My ex broke up with me 3 days before our anniversary of 9 months of dating. He broke up due to his single side coming thru & him thinking i deserve better since he was moving back home (2,000+ miles from me; he was military stationed where I lived until December). He said he wants me to be part of his life. Once he moved back to his home state, he contacted me everyday
(Skype, text, phone call, & snapchat). He was talking about a future with me after the breakup. Talking about marriage (which he constantly joked around about; during and after the relationship), kids (which he told me in a “drunkin” state that he wanted to get me knock up back when we dated but still made the comments once he was back home).

I was willing to move to him and still have it in the back of my mind. We were talking about it because he told me to put in a college application near him (since one main dilemma in the relationship was me being so close to graduating w/my first two yr degree during the time he went back). His family told him (which he made sure to inform me more than once) that a) he was going to end up with me; b) if she moves out here you’re going to have to marry her. From that point on (this is March now after 3 long months of playing the I love u, miss u, want u back, etc.)we have a minor argument about how he was confusing me. He kept track of my b-day coming up (wish me happy birthday and everything) then on what would have been our one year anniversary (St. Patrick’s Day), he sends a happy one year of knowing you muah. Also that he was sorry he has a lot going on. However, by that night he sent a snapchat of him and a girl in St. Patrick attire to me. When i flip and called him an ass, he told me to chill she was just a friend. I ignored him for a bit but then lost it. We got into it again because anytime I told him I went out( like friends do and he said he wanted to be friends), he responds with “you sleep with the guy?” I told him unlike him i don’t go out of my way to hurt the ones i care about. I told him “Uncle!;that my hands are tied and didn’t know what he wanted from me”. He told me he needed some space but he still cared about me and wants me to be a part of his life. Later that week he blocked me on fb for no reason. I asked why and he said because he couldn’t handle the guilt comments i post (i didn’t put anything up and he assumed i would since i did that when he broke up with me over email at the beginning of this roller-coaster).

My friend who is addicted to fb later informed me that on his profile the girl put up that he was in a relationship with that same girl in the photo in sent me which he said was “just a friend”. I told him i knew and how i knew since I was blocked. I told him that i cant see anything so he cant think im stoking him(which im not.. i have better stuff to do).. i told him my friend who he had met the day i lost it on Skype informed me. He seemed like his old self over the phone that day and we talked for a while. He said he was thinking of calling it quits w/ this girl and in a way she asked him when he was intoxicated. (FYI: They got into the relationship the two days after what was our anniversary of a year! Talk about stinging the ex).

I have started the NC and have hit a quarter way into it. I know the silence works but i also know he hold grudge for years. He told me to buy a plane ticket to see him back in February and he sent a check to me to pay for half of it. I don’t know what to follow or what to believe. I guess I am just asking what the hell is going on in his head?? I know he was scared and confused.. i lost it over Skype because of girlish antics i was involved in (which i apologized for later) and then he did all this. Why still say you care and want you to be a part in my life if he has a new gf that he kept from me. Look froward to your insight.

admin

April 2, 2014 at 5:39 pm

It’s a big move for him to send that money… most men don’t like to part with their money.

That’s all I will say. I think you can read between the lines.

zoe

April 1, 2014 at 4:16 pm

Hi Chris,
I am a widow with 4 teenage sons, well during my grieving period i met this older man, that supposedly was grieving too because he just went thru a nnasty divorce. Well he court me and tried to win the boys well my kid live him. So i finally started dating him, now a year but he has so much emotional up and downs that from.one hour to the next i dont know what mood he is in. Well my kids got into an argument with me and he heard it over the phone and he thinks i am a soft with my boys and i should discipline them more even thou they are very good boys. He told me that he doesnt want to be part of my because of them and he just want to be friends and i hang up and i am doing the no contact but he has not contact me neither. I miss him but i also know he is a stuborne man

admin

April 1, 2014 at 5:20 pm

What were the issues with your relationship with him though?

angel

April 1, 2014 at 4:08 pm

hey cris, pls detail what is going thru an angry guy’s mind! C0z my ex is dat typ f a guy. He initiatd our break nd cruely said dat im so ann0yng nd he cant acpt a girl lyk me. Nd he hates me nw 🙁 bt he is the love f my lyf nd i want him back. I startd NC fr0m last 26th. Aftr dat he send me a txt msg inf0rming the tym f our tuti0n. Bt i didnt replyd nd i neglectd him 0n d nxt day.

admin

April 1, 2014 at 5:18 pm

What about the angry guy do you want to know? I talked about it on this page already..

sara

April 1, 2014 at 10:51 am

Hello…i been with my bf for almost one year.He dumped me for another woman he met online, bring her from nother country to his place.I found this later on(in meanwhile he was contacting me and we met once.i didnt know about her) I told him not to contact me anymore but after 12 days he sent me some sms i did answer .He wanted to meet, i asked about gf and he is still with her.I didnt answer anymore to his last text and now again are 4 days with no contact from his side.what i should do?i really love him:( he said is thinking of me. Any advice please?
Lola

April 1, 2014 at 8:47 am

My boyfriend of three years broke up with me because he said he wasn’t happy. His friends notice how significantly happy he is now without me. He then proceeded to say that we can still be best friends because he can tell me anything. Then he said we aren’t good for each other and that he doesn’t plan on ever getting back with me. He apologized because he said he doesn’t care or love me anymore. I just started NC a few days ago and my main fear is that he’ll forget about me and move on to another girl during the NC period. It makes me want to text him. I don’t understand a lot about this breakup. We’d just been having a rough couple of months and he gave up on me. I’m very devastated. Idk what to do.

admin

April 1, 2014 at 5:13 pm

Was he happy in the relationship with you?

Shezan

March 31, 2014 at 7:39 pm

Dated my ex for 1.5. He decided to end things because he was ‘confused’ and had a bad feeling about us. He cried a lot that night. We broke up. Did no contact, he msged me 3 weeks later on V-day. Confessed his feelings and how much he loved/missed me. My mistake. We hooked up. 3 Times. Confusion was still there on his part. When I pulled back he thought there was someone else. When I show him I care he rubs in my face that we are not together. Wtf does he want me to do? Current Issue: I am back on no contact (no we did not fight, my random decision) he called me the next day. I didnt reply. He texted me the next day explaining why he called and he figured out that I ignored him. Day after that he texted me again. All msgs were ignored. 5 days later he deleted me on Facebook? Why…

When do you presume he will have a melt down? Advice? Should I even be doing no contact? Im confused if I should tell him how I really feel or if I should wait until after no contact to do so… help!

admin

April 1, 2014 at 4:52 pm

Yes, I don’t think your ex is normal yet. I think he is just super emotional.

Sophie

March 31, 2014 at 1:03 pm

Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me up a month ago due to him going through some personal issues. We dated for four years and had an amazing relationship. He said he needs space and can only deal with this problems by himself, and hopes that he can sort them out so we can be together. He said that nothings changed and he loves me to death. I made the mistake of contacting him two weeks after telling him we can work it out. He was very blunt on the phone saying time will tell and he can’t go back right now. I’ve texted and called a few times since and no response. I know him and I know he wants to be with me so bad but he almost won’t let himself for whatever reason. In very confused. He’s not talking to anyone and keeps saying time will tell and if it’d meant to be it will be. We were so close and planned on moving in together and starting our lives very soon. I’m scared that hes in a bad place and even though he misses me he’s forcing himself to not go back. I know we can work it out just like with every other problem in our relationship. I decided to do the no contact for 30 days or as long as it takes for him to contact me, if he does.I am on day 6. I hope he comes around. We were so in love and had an amazing relationship. Just curious if he can really force himself to move on even though he wants to be together so bad? Hope to hear from him. He’s the love of my life and I could be with him forever.

Mara

April 9, 2014 at 7:30 am

I’m going through almost exactly the same thing. I totally understand his need for space at the moment; he’s not been a happy person in general for the past few months, and we’ve both been just kind of “co-existing”. But he’s being very cagey and stubborn about not wanting to try again, even though we ended on good terms (and we still love each other). And I just can’t comprehend why.
M

April 2, 2014 at 5:15 pm

I would love if you replied to this. Cause I’m kinda going through the same situation. But he told me he’s not sure about us. He said he loves me and always will but he’s not sure he’s inlove with me. Thigs kind of got comfortable and routine and I think that’s the main reason. Will NC still work?

R

March 31, 2014 at 11:10 am

Hey Chris

Was with my partner 7 years – we were engaged to be married. We’ve been together since we were 19, we’re now 26 and we’ve split up a few times in the past, but over small things (just like this time around) plus we were only kids really. My analysis on this break up is that we did not appreciate each other enough.

Anyway, we broke up 1st Feb and we were in constant contact. I did suggest no contact and deleted him from all social media. The next day he called me on a withheld number and talked me around my decision. We then started going on dates, sleeping with each other and eventually talking about where we went wrong, and how we could have improved.

I then found out that he was also seeing someone else as well as me (started 3 weeks into our breakup, but before him and I started dating again ourselves). He admitted to me he was seeing someone else and we both tried to justify it as being OK, since we were both single and needed this time apart to grow as people. I always let him arrange dates and he always text first – I’ve learned a lot from your site Chris!

But anyway, he met a mutual friend of ours last Wednesday for dinner who told him that seeing us both at the same time was not OK and he was wrongly justifying it. I then received this text from him Thursday:

“Hey – hope you’ve had a good week. I wanted to propose that we don’t see each other or speak for a period of time – as a test to see how we feel – with the understanding that we will meet at the end of the period for dinner to speak in depth about how we both feel – and also with the understanding that we will be in contact and friends in the long term. I think we both need to controlled space away from each other to breathe and know how we both feel. We’ve known each other 7 years so it’s very unlikely we cannot be a part of each other’s lives so I think we owe each other that time. What do you think? I would really like to know if you agree or not 🙂 x”

I replied saying perhaps this is best chatted about on the phone or in person and he called me. He asked me what I thought and I said it’s not what I would have chosen, but if it’s what he wants I’ll respect it. He then said we could book the table now for two months so we have something to work towards, or if I wasn’t comfortable, perhaps I could have a think and come up with a compromise to no contact for two months.

On reflection for a day, I realised that he has all the power and is calling all the shots, so I replied by text the next day:

”

I’ve given a lot of thought to what you’ve said and I agree we shouldn’t be in contact. Although I hoped we could repair things and it wouldn’t come to this; it’ll give us both the space and time we need to move on from each other.

I can’t commit to see you in two months or be friends after – I don’t know how I’ll feel then; but I do know I hope you’ll be happy.

x”

Also consider that I have our two dogs that he loves very much, I have agreed to pay him monthly for his contribution to the mortgage and I also know the name of the guy who he’s seeing and he told me he’s scared I am going to message him.

Knowing all the above, and with all your wisdom and experience – what’s your analysis of the situation Chris? I feel like my heart is in a million pieces at the moment and I don’t have any closure. He won’t tell me he doesn’t want to be with me again, but he’s seeing someone else. He’s called the no contact so that’s given him yet more power.

What’s the game plan Chris? I love him dearly and I honestly thought nothing could break us up.

admin

March 31, 2014 at 4:37 pm

Also, when you are with someone for that long things can get a little boring if you aren’t careful. Do you think that migh thave happened with you two?
R

March 31, 2014 at 8:17 pm

I wouldn’t say so, we still had amazing regular sex, we went on lots of holidays and date nights – we were best friends. How do you interpret his text and do you think the NC will work, even if he instigated it? Thanks for helping Chris 🙂

Carlah

March 30, 2014 at 11:09 pm

Hi Chris – really really desperate for advice and after reading this hope I can get some.
My partner and I have been together 3yrs. Was always so so loving and romantic and generally just so caring for me. We went abroad for a few years and everything was fine – we retuned back home last year and then in September he just never came home one day. After contacting him and no response for hours I finally received a txt saying he needed space. Long story short we eventually got back together in Nov/Dec and all was great. He said he had a breakdown and that he loved me and wanted to be with me and wouldn’t stop apologizing for leaving and hurting me. Since then he has been the man I fell in love with and obviously I was hurt by what he did so my confidence and trust took a knock but he assured me daily he loved me and wanted a future with me.
4days ago he was coming to spend the weekend with me after working away and he turned up and basically said he didn’t know how he felt and after hours of talking and him not wanting to just speak out he said he feels he doesn’t love me enough and that I deserve more. He was crying and saying depressive things like he doesn’t want anyone to love him and I must add that a month ago he admitted to me that he was having dark thoughts and even suicidal but had gone to talk with someone.
He carried on the break up just upset and saying he’s a horrible person and I questioned when his love changed which he replied 2-3months ago – this was the big shock as he acted loving and told me he loved me everyday so I don’t know what to believe!
I took this news so badly that he was worried and said he would call me the next day. He did call and I hoped he would change his mind but he hasn’t and I ended up hanging up the phone in so much hurt.
I haven’t tried to call or txt or email but I am absolutely desperate to!!! I haven’t eaten since this happened and I’m literally crying in bed constantly. Can someone please speak with advice for me on this. I know it’s about no contact but I don’t know if his depressive state of mind will work in this way or if his love has definitely gone for me and if so how could he act and say what he did everyday when he felt this way.

admin

March 31, 2014 at 4:07 pm

Ok, first things first. Before you can even have a chance of getting him back you need to work on yourself. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!
Carlah

March 31, 2014 at 4:30 pm

How can I start to do that when I’m in such shock at the life I had being gone. I am trying so hard not to phone him but I really feel I’m going to end up doing it and I’m so scared he doesn’t even answer the phone.
How do I deal with forgetting years of my life with someone and just purely focussing on myself?
All my energy for years has been channeled into a life together and I don’t remember who I was before I met him.
Carlah

April 2, 2014 at 11:11 am

I really need to know what to do and If I should call him?
Had a really bad day yesterday and I’m so low.
I can’t seem to find which type of guys he is from ur list so have no idea what’s going on and how to deal with this
Carlah

April 7, 2014 at 1:16 pm

I ended up calling my ex after 2 weeks of no contact – it just rang out then went to answer phone so I left a controlled message asking for him to call – he hasn’t …. I’ve not heard anything.
What do I do?
I broke after 2 weeks and I’m still not getting any stronger and really really really need advice
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