The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Tess

April 2, 2014 at 12:36 am

I usual read these things & take it with a grain of salt but you sound like you know your stuff..So here i am asking for a guys opinion…hopefully you can give me some insight into my dilemma because everyone including me is stumped. My ex broke up with me 3 days before our anniversary of 9 months of dating. He broke up due to his single side coming thru & him thinking i deserve better since he was moving back home (2,000+ miles from me; he was military stationed where I lived until December). He said he wants me to be part of his life. Once he moved back to his home state, he contacted me everyday
(Skype, text, phone call, & snapchat). He was talking about a future with me after the breakup. Talking about marriage (which he constantly joked around about; during and after the relationship), kids (which he told me in a “drunkin” state that he wanted to get me knock up back when we dated but still made the comments once he was back home).

I was willing to move to him and still have it in the back of my mind. We were talking about it because he told me to put in a college application near him (since one main dilemma in the relationship was me being so close to graduating w/my first two yr degree during the time he went back). His family told him (which he made sure to inform me more than once) that a) he was going to end up with me; b) if she moves out here you’re going to have to marry her. From that point on (this is March now after 3 long months of playing the I love u, miss u, want u back, etc.)we have a minor argument about how he was confusing me. He kept track of my b-day coming up (wish me happy birthday and everything) then on what would have been our one year anniversary (St. Patrick’s Day), he sends a happy one year of knowing you muah. Also that he was sorry he has a lot going on. However, by that night he sent a snapchat of him and a girl in St. Patrick attire to me. When i flip and called him an ass, he told me to chill she was just a friend. I ignored him for a bit but then lost it. We got into it again because anytime I told him I went out( like friends do and he said he wanted to be friends), he responds with “you sleep with the guy?” I told him unlike him i don’t go out of my way to hurt the ones i care about. I told him “Uncle!;that my hands are tied and didn’t know what he wanted from me”. He told me he needed some space but he still cared about me and wants me to be a part of his life. Later that week he blocked me on fb for no reason. I asked why and he said because he couldn’t handle the guilt comments i post (i didn’t put anything up and he assumed i would since i did that when he broke up with me over email at the beginning of this roller-coaster).

My friend who is addicted to fb later informed me that on his profile the girl put up that he was in a relationship with that same girl in the photo in sent me which he said was “just a friend”. I told him i knew and how i knew since I was blocked. I told him that i cant see anything so he cant think im stoking him(which im not.. i have better stuff to do).. i told him my friend who he had met the day i lost it on Skype informed me. He seemed like his old self over the phone that day and we talked for a while. He said he was thinking of calling it quits w/ this girl and in a way she asked him when he was intoxicated. (FYI: They got into the relationship the two days after what was our anniversary of a year! Talk about stinging the ex).

I have started the NC and have hit a quarter way into it. I know the silence works but i also know he hold grudge for years. He told me to buy a plane ticket to see him back in February and he sent a check to me to pay for half of it. I don’t know what to follow or what to believe. I guess I am just asking what the hell is going on in his head?? I know he was scared and confused.. i lost it over Skype because of girlish antics i was involved in (which i apologized for later) and then he did all this. Why still say you care and want you to be a part in my life if he has a new gf that he kept from me. Look froward to your insight.

admin

April 2, 2014 at 5:39 pm

It’s a big move for him to send that money… most men don’t like to part with their money.

That’s all I will say. I think you can read between the lines.

zoe

April 1, 2014 at 4:16 pm

Hi Chris,
I am a widow with 4 teenage sons, well during my grieving period i met this older man, that supposedly was grieving too because he just went thru a nnasty divorce. Well he court me and tried to win the boys well my kid live him. So i finally started dating him, now a year but he has so much emotional up and downs that from.one hour to the next i dont know what mood he is in. Well my kids got into an argument with me and he heard it over the phone and he thinks i am a soft with my boys and i should discipline them more even thou they are very good boys. He told me that he doesnt want to be part of my because of them and he just want to be friends and i hang up and i am doing the no contact but he has not contact me neither. I miss him but i also know he is a stuborne man

admin

April 1, 2014 at 5:20 pm

What were the issues with your relationship with him though?

angel

April 1, 2014 at 4:08 pm

hey cris, pls detail what is going thru an angry guy’s mind! C0z my ex is dat typ f a guy. He initiatd our break nd cruely said dat im so ann0yng nd he cant acpt a girl lyk me. Nd he hates me nw 🙁 bt he is the love f my lyf nd i want him back. I startd NC fr0m last 26th. Aftr dat he send me a txt msg inf0rming the tym f our tuti0n. Bt i didnt replyd nd i neglectd him 0n d nxt day.

admin

April 1, 2014 at 5:18 pm

What about the angry guy do you want to know? I talked about it on this page already..

sara

April 1, 2014 at 10:51 am

Hello…i been with my bf for almost one year.He dumped me for another woman he met online, bring her from nother country to his place.I found this later on(in meanwhile he was contacting me and we met once.i didnt know about her) I told him not to contact me anymore but after 12 days he sent me some sms i did answer .He wanted to meet, i asked about gf and he is still with her.I didnt answer anymore to his last text and now again are 4 days with no contact from his side.what i should do?i really love him:( he said is thinking of me. Any advice please?
Lola

April 1, 2014 at 8:47 am

My boyfriend of three years broke up with me because he said he wasn’t happy. His friends notice how significantly happy he is now without me. He then proceeded to say that we can still be best friends because he can tell me anything. Then he said we aren’t good for each other and that he doesn’t plan on ever getting back with me. He apologized because he said he doesn’t care or love me anymore. I just started NC a few days ago and my main fear is that he’ll forget about me and move on to another girl during the NC period. It makes me want to text him. I don’t understand a lot about this breakup. We’d just been having a rough couple of months and he gave up on me. I’m very devastated. Idk what to do.

admin

April 1, 2014 at 5:13 pm

Was he happy in the relationship with you?

Shezan

March 31, 2014 at 7:39 pm

Dated my ex for 1.5. He decided to end things because he was ‘confused’ and had a bad feeling about us. He cried a lot that night. We broke up. Did no contact, he msged me 3 weeks later on V-day. Confessed his feelings and how much he loved/missed me. My mistake. We hooked up. 3 Times. Confusion was still there on his part. When I pulled back he thought there was someone else. When I show him I care he rubs in my face that we are not together. Wtf does he want me to do? Current Issue: I am back on no contact (no we did not fight, my random decision) he called me the next day. I didnt reply. He texted me the next day explaining why he called and he figured out that I ignored him. Day after that he texted me again. All msgs were ignored. 5 days later he deleted me on Facebook? Why…

When do you presume he will have a melt down? Advice? Should I even be doing no contact? Im confused if I should tell him how I really feel or if I should wait until after no contact to do so… help!

admin

April 1, 2014 at 4:52 pm

Yes, I don’t think your ex is normal yet. I think he is just super emotional.

Sophie

March 31, 2014 at 1:03 pm

Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me up a month ago due to him going through some personal issues. We dated for four years and had an amazing relationship. He said he needs space and can only deal with this problems by himself, and hopes that he can sort them out so we can be together. He said that nothings changed and he loves me to death. I made the mistake of contacting him two weeks after telling him we can work it out. He was very blunt on the phone saying time will tell and he can’t go back right now. I’ve texted and called a few times since and no response. I know him and I know he wants to be with me so bad but he almost won’t let himself for whatever reason. In very confused. He’s not talking to anyone and keeps saying time will tell and if it’d meant to be it will be. We were so close and planned on moving in together and starting our lives very soon. I’m scared that hes in a bad place and even though he misses me he’s forcing himself to not go back. I know we can work it out just like with every other problem in our relationship. I decided to do the no contact for 30 days or as long as it takes for him to contact me, if he does.I am on day 6. I hope he comes around. We were so in love and had an amazing relationship. Just curious if he can really force himself to move on even though he wants to be together so bad? Hope to hear from him. He’s the love of my life and I could be with him forever.

Mara

April 9, 2014 at 7:30 am

I’m going through almost exactly the same thing. I totally understand his need for space at the moment; he’s not been a happy person in general for the past few months, and we’ve both been just kind of “co-existing”. But he’s being very cagey and stubborn about not wanting to try again, even though we ended on good terms (and we still love each other). And I just can’t comprehend why.
M

April 2, 2014 at 5:15 pm

I would love if you replied to this. Cause I’m kinda going through the same situation. But he told me he’s not sure about us. He said he loves me and always will but he’s not sure he’s inlove with me. Thigs kind of got comfortable and routine and I think that’s the main reason. Will NC still work?

R

March 31, 2014 at 11:10 am

Hey Chris

Was with my partner 7 years – we were engaged to be married. We’ve been together since we were 19, we’re now 26 and we’ve split up a few times in the past, but over small things (just like this time around) plus we were only kids really. My analysis on this break up is that we did not appreciate each other enough.

Anyway, we broke up 1st Feb and we were in constant contact. I did suggest no contact and deleted him from all social media. The next day he called me on a withheld number and talked me around my decision. We then started going on dates, sleeping with each other and eventually talking about where we went wrong, and how we could have improved.

I then found out that he was also seeing someone else as well as me (started 3 weeks into our breakup, but before him and I started dating again ourselves). He admitted to me he was seeing someone else and we both tried to justify it as being OK, since we were both single and needed this time apart to grow as people. I always let him arrange dates and he always text first – I’ve learned a lot from your site Chris!

But anyway, he met a mutual friend of ours last Wednesday for dinner who told him that seeing us both at the same time was not OK and he was wrongly justifying it. I then received this text from him Thursday:

“Hey – hope you’ve had a good week. I wanted to propose that we don’t see each other or speak for a period of time – as a test to see how we feel – with the understanding that we will meet at the end of the period for dinner to speak in depth about how we both feel – and also with the understanding that we will be in contact and friends in the long term. I think we both need to controlled space away from each other to breathe and know how we both feel. We’ve known each other 7 years so it’s very unlikely we cannot be a part of each other’s lives so I think we owe each other that time. What do you think? I would really like to know if you agree or not 🙂 x”

I replied saying perhaps this is best chatted about on the phone or in person and he called me. He asked me what I thought and I said it’s not what I would have chosen, but if it’s what he wants I’ll respect it. He then said we could book the table now for two months so we have something to work towards, or if I wasn’t comfortable, perhaps I could have a think and come up with a compromise to no contact for two months.

On reflection for a day, I realised that he has all the power and is calling all the shots, so I replied by text the next day:

”

I’ve given a lot of thought to what you’ve said and I agree we shouldn’t be in contact. Although I hoped we could repair things and it wouldn’t come to this; it’ll give us both the space and time we need to move on from each other.

I can’t commit to see you in two months or be friends after – I don’t know how I’ll feel then; but I do know I hope you’ll be happy.

x”

Also consider that I have our two dogs that he loves very much, I have agreed to pay him monthly for his contribution to the mortgage and I also know the name of the guy who he’s seeing and he told me he’s scared I am going to message him.

Knowing all the above, and with all your wisdom and experience – what’s your analysis of the situation Chris? I feel like my heart is in a million pieces at the moment and I don’t have any closure. He won’t tell me he doesn’t want to be with me again, but he’s seeing someone else. He’s called the no contact so that’s given him yet more power.

What’s the game plan Chris? I love him dearly and I honestly thought nothing could break us up.

admin

March 31, 2014 at 4:37 pm

Also, when you are with someone for that long things can get a little boring if you aren’t careful. Do you think that migh thave happened with you two?
R

March 31, 2014 at 8:17 pm

I wouldn’t say so, we still had amazing regular sex, we went on lots of holidays and date nights – we were best friends. How do you interpret his text and do you think the NC will work, even if he instigated it? Thanks for helping Chris 🙂

Carlah

March 30, 2014 at 11:09 pm

Hi Chris – really really desperate for advice and after reading this hope I can get some.
My partner and I have been together 3yrs. Was always so so loving and romantic and generally just so caring for me. We went abroad for a few years and everything was fine – we retuned back home last year and then in September he just never came home one day. After contacting him and no response for hours I finally received a txt saying he needed space. Long story short we eventually got back together in Nov/Dec and all was great. He said he had a breakdown and that he loved me and wanted to be with me and wouldn’t stop apologizing for leaving and hurting me. Since then he has been the man I fell in love with and obviously I was hurt by what he did so my confidence and trust took a knock but he assured me daily he loved me and wanted a future with me.
4days ago he was coming to spend the weekend with me after working away and he turned up and basically said he didn’t know how he felt and after hours of talking and him not wanting to just speak out he said he feels he doesn’t love me enough and that I deserve more. He was crying and saying depressive things like he doesn’t want anyone to love him and I must add that a month ago he admitted to me that he was having dark thoughts and even suicidal but had gone to talk with someone.
He carried on the break up just upset and saying he’s a horrible person and I questioned when his love changed which he replied 2-3months ago – this was the big shock as he acted loving and told me he loved me everyday so I don’t know what to believe!
I took this news so badly that he was worried and said he would call me the next day. He did call and I hoped he would change his mind but he hasn’t and I ended up hanging up the phone in so much hurt.
I haven’t tried to call or txt or email but I am absolutely desperate to!!! I haven’t eaten since this happened and I’m literally crying in bed constantly. Can someone please speak with advice for me on this. I know it’s about no contact but I don’t know if his depressive state of mind will work in this way or if his love has definitely gone for me and if so how could he act and say what he did everyday when he felt this way.

admin

March 31, 2014 at 4:07 pm

Ok, first things first. Before you can even have a chance of getting him back you need to work on yourself. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!
Carlah

March 31, 2014 at 4:30 pm

How can I start to do that when I’m in such shock at the life I had being gone. I am trying so hard not to phone him but I really feel I’m going to end up doing it and I’m so scared he doesn’t even answer the phone.
How do I deal with forgetting years of my life with someone and just purely focussing on myself?
All my energy for years has been channeled into a life together and I don’t remember who I was before I met him.
Carlah

April 2, 2014 at 11:11 am

I really need to know what to do and If I should call him?
Had a really bad day yesterday and I’m so low.
I can’t seem to find which type of guys he is from ur list so have no idea what’s going on and how to deal with this
Carlah

April 7, 2014 at 1:16 pm

I ended up calling my ex after 2 weeks of no contact – it just rang out then went to answer phone so I left a controlled message asking for him to call – he hasn’t …. I’ve not heard anything.
What do I do?
I broke after 2 weeks and I’m still not getting any stronger and really really really need advice
Please reply

Shirl

March 30, 2014 at 12:56 pm

Well , i have a “frantic” and “clueless” guy. We have been together off and on for a long time. We reunited in November ad the past months were fineu up until mid February when I discovered he was making plans with another one to go on vacation. Seems like it’s been going on since September. I never confronted him about it only hinting at things I saw in the email. I things are starting to change. We normally talk every morningbut for the past few days no more morning calls. Something just snapped in me and I went NC on 3/28. He has been calling like crazy (12X) in the last two days. The last msg left yesterday was that he is assuming that I must be out of town. This is really hard but the longer I have NC the more I feel I can’t talk to him now. I feel betrayed and lied to but I learned not to approach him in an emotional state so I just let him think we were fine at which time I switched gears and went ino NC. Thanks for your site. I was wondering if he missed me and from what you say, he does but I wonder for how long such I stay NC
R

March 29, 2014 at 4:04 pm

Hi. Two days ago out of the blue my bofriend of 6 months dumped me. We’re in a long distance relationship so things are a little more complicated. He cited the distance and that he didn’t want a serious relationship as his reasons for ending it, I suspect that it’s the lack of sex that is behind it. I was due to be spending the week in Venice with him in two weeks so his timing was less than perfect. We were also due to spend 6 weeks in the summer together with a view to me moving out there. Ironically I’ve just been offered a job there but I won’t be proclaiming this to the world for a few weeks as I don’t want him to think it is a blackmail tactic, it’s just strange timing. This man chased me non stop for a year and a half and I met him in Bulgaria where my family live and where he is originally from so he’s not some holiday romance. Because of the distance I’m not sure how useful the NC contact rule is going to be or does it not make a difference? Also when we broke up the texts became rather nasty from me as I was furious that he’s left it 6 weeks to tell me this decision. However when he sent me his last text I didn’t reply, he was wishing me goodnight for “one last time” which really pissed me off. Am I wasting my time with this one?

admin

March 30, 2014 at 8:58 pm

How old were the two of you?

Nat

March 28, 2014 at 12:01 pm

Hey.
Me and my ex were together for 9months the last two weeks i have saw him three times i know hes busy at work etc, the last day i saw him was on the tuesday and he finished me early friday morning not answering any of my texts asking why? Cause i thought everything was going smooth to be honest it was!

Now im currently starting the nc advice?
Anna

March 27, 2014 at 3:29 pm

I broke up with my ex about 6 weeks ago. Two days later I let him know I didn’t want to but he didn’t respond. A few days after I simply apologized for making a decision in the midst of an emotionally charged time. Still no response. I heard it through the grapevine that he was already seeing someone else. This was less than a week later. I immediately implemented no contact. Nearing the end of this nc period I learned of some unfortunate events that impacted him directly and because I was only days away from the 30 day mark, I texted him. I said simply that I had heard the news and hoped he was ok. He responded neutrally, said he was ok but things were getting nasty and thanked me for asking. I haven’t responded because I have no idea if I even should or what to say. Any thoughts??? Help!!
Kathy

March 27, 2014 at 1:38 pm

I last saw my ex on 3/5/14. He has barely said 10 words to me over that time. I was a text terrorist with him up until last Saturday…today is day 6 of no contat. He had not repsonded to any of my message prior to NC…well, except 1…I begged him to say something to me…anything to me and he said, and I quote, “FUCK!!!!” “I am going crazy.” I asked if there was anything I could do to help or if he wanted to talk and he said, “NOO” and he wouldn’t respond to me any further after that and that was Thursday before NC on Saturday began…he has a LOT of personal issues going on right now but I don’t know why he won’t talk to me. I have no clue what is going on with him and he never said we were over but I just assumed…trust me, I did ask him. He does love me…he told me a few times. IDK…I love him and I want him back but he is driving me crazy…please give me your thoughts on this I could really use it.
Kathy

admin

March 28, 2014 at 12:07 am

Just give him his space… the more you force him to talk the less likely he will to talk or the more likely he will to get angry and start a fight.
Kathy

March 28, 2014 at 12:19 am

That’s it? That is your advice? I know that already and that is what I am doing…I figured you could offer a little better insight than what I already had. But thank you anyway Chris. He is never going to talk to me…whether or not he knew it, NC started for him on the 6th of March but just started for me 6 days ago. He is well into 3 weeks of NC with me…but so far, he does not seem to be sending me any “I miss you” texts. I guess I just have to face reality that I have lost the love of my life and my soulmate…
admin

March 28, 2014 at 4:36 pm

Take a deep breath. I wish I had more time to tell you more indepth stuff. I know the situation can be very frustrating and it seems like you are alone but you are not. I created this site for that very reason. Right now you still have some time to go on NC. So, finish it out.

Anna

March 27, 2014 at 7:21 am

Hey Chris,

I was very clingy towards my ex in the past month. Before that, things were going great and he almost wanted to give things another shot. We even had sex. But then I ruined it all by texting him almost daily, being emotional and picking stupid fights and he said he needed space to get ready to talk to me.

Do you think all hope is lost? How much time should I give him? I haven’t talked to him for five days and I plan on making it to thirty, but his birthday is in a bit over a week, so I don’t know if I should say happy birthday or not.

Thank you so much for this website, by the way! It helps me cope.

admin

March 28, 2014 at 12:04 am

I don’t think its lost but I think you need to become a little less available.

Cecille

March 27, 2014 at 6:49 am

Hi Chris. A lot of info you got there. Question.. Me & my ex have been together for almost 4 years- got engaged etc. He broke up with me last thanksgiving and started dating his ex-gf..days after we broke up.I emailed him numerous times..and then finally, I told him him that I am going to leave him and her alone. 8 days after I initiated the NC rule…he emailed me saying not to contact him again and that he’s happy.I wanted to reply back but I didn’t. That was last January 28 when I initiated the NC rule.. Now I found out from sources that his gf is unhappy, that he lives with his gf’s mom and last Valentines Day…he spent it alone with a bottle of gin. He still hasn’t contacted me after the last message he sent… So what’s my next step? What should I do? Do I still have a chance? Thanks for your time.
C

admin

March 28, 2014 at 12:03 am

What makes you want him back? From everything you described he seems kind of like a loser.
Cecille

March 28, 2014 at 6:43 am

Is it possible for us to get back together tho? What should I do?

Rebecca

March 25, 2014 at 11:47 pm

Is it possible that no contact and ignoring him will actually push him towards another girl? I promise I’m the furthest thing from conceited, but in some ways I feel like I’m the ungettable girl who doesn’t actually realize what she is, so I effectively lower my own value by acting insecure. Everyone (my ex included) is always telling me how beautiful I am and they can’t believe that I don’t see myself that way. I’m working on my PhD in civil engineering at 24 years old, and my ex always used to say that he couldn’t believe a girl like me even existed – that I’m “cool as f*ck” and I’m “winning in both beauty and brains”, but I drove him away by being needy and insecure and constantly needing reassurance. He’s working in Iraq right now which was the entire problem – he only gets one 30 day leave every 5 months, and the distance created insecurities that I didn’t have when he was here with me, and trying to satisfy my emotional needs from 9000 miles away was just exhausting and he couldn’t handle it anymore.

I made the mistake of begging for him at first, and then pulled myself together after a few days and stopped trying to reach out. We’ve snapchatted a couple times since the break up – predominantly because I wanted to lighten our mood and remind him of how happy I made him before entering NC on a positive note, which is where I’m at now. (We both initiated contact once and it wasn’t anything sexual obviously). He sent me a snap on Sunday too (not expecting me to ever go into NC), but I ignored it, and the last time I responded to him was 11 days ago (we broke up March 1st). I can tell that he still cares more than he’s trying to let on and I feel like he still wants me despite saying he just wants to be friends, but only on his terms and he feels secure that can have me whenever he wants. He keeps talking to other girls though, and I’m worried that ignoring him will piss him off and make him decide to move on permanently since he can get attention elsewhere. I’m hoping my fears are unfounded though?? haha 🙂

Thank you so much for all of your posts and advice!! You’ve been so insightful and it’s incredibly helpful and empowering 🙂

admin

March 26, 2014 at 5:14 pm

It is possible I am not going to lie.

Was there any plan when you were together to move in together or be closer to one another?
Rebecca

March 26, 2014 at 6:18 pm

Thanks so much for responding 🙂 He’s not planning to do this job for more than another year and a half to two years in order to meet some financial goals before ultimately moving to the same city as me (he would move here regardless).

The girls he’s talking to don’t live here and they’re not in Iraq either obviously – he literally JUST met them when we broke up (via facebook), so logistically I don’t see them being legit prospects for him since he’s pretty realistic. Plus he was always apprehensive of any kind of long distance relationship, but he didn’t want to lose me so he tried to give me what he could. I just hate feeling like he’s filling that void with other girls and replacing me so to speak. I know that it’s solely for attention and his ego, but it still hurts.

Should I finish NC and then continue as planned, or would you suggest anything different? I was going to message him on his birthday (April 9th) which would be about 24 days without contact, and I know he didn’t want to break contact with me. I do think he misses me in his own way, but I just pushed too much before and needed more than he could give from that far away. He used to say how he saw me being his future wife, and when he’s here, we’re perfect together and so happy. The distance makes everything so hard though… He hasn’t ruled out getting back together, but he’s tempering my expectations by treating me like a friend and I don’t want to be his safety net.

Tracey

March 25, 2014 at 5:49 pm

Hi Chris,
Thank you for your wonderfully enlightening sneak-peak into the male psyche. My dilemma is this…Im on day 26 of no contact, my ex tried to call me on day 3 and 6 and then sent sarcastic messages on day 15 because I (in passing) invited a friend of his to join my friends and I for a drink on that day. I did respond after a few messages explaining that it was done in innocence which he then responded that he does not care, however I have not heard from him again since. It somehow makes it easier when he tries to contact because it lets me know he still cares. I also check his whatsapp online times and it drives me crazy when I see him online early in the morning and late at night because that is when he used to say good morning and night to me. Pls help, Im feeling so sad, lonely and miserable because I fear he has replaced me. 🙁 p.s. we were together for 9 months and broke up because we fight too much.

admin

March 26, 2014 at 5:07 pm

I think actually you are doing well… Just stick to the plan.
Tracey

March 29, 2014 at 7:56 am

So yesterday was day 30 and only now am I starting to feel human again and strong enough to take better care of myself. Ive been wallowing in my own heartache and misery for 30 days straight, getting no exercise, eating unhealthily, obsessing about him constantly and always thinking the worst that he has moved on, forgotten about me and found someone else. It has been the hardest time of my life and I thought the pain would never go away and there were so many times I wanted to just give in because surely the pain if letting go is greater than the pain of holding on but I stuck it out – yay me!! All I can say is that I still miss him terribly and think about him constantly but it does get easier with time. I haven’t heard from my ex in 2 weeks and Im not sure if I will but I can tell you that I wont be contacting him 1st (so it might be a standoff for eternity lol )but I have made a promise to myself that from today I will start exercising, eating healthier and enjoy my life, with or without him. And most importantly have faith that what is meant to be will be.
Tracey

April 1, 2014 at 10:28 am

So on day 33 my ex tried contacting me a few times, eventually I answered his call and he sounded like a broken man and confessed how much has has missed me and can’t get me out of his mind and that this past month has been incredibly difficult for him. As much as it broke my heart to hear him sounding so desperate, I stood my ground and told him I would let him know when I am ready to meet up with him (even although it took every ounce of restraint for me to say no to that day). He respected my decision and said he would wait to hear from me and wouldnt pester me and that he is so relieved that I am speaking to him again. Watch this space…:) Thank you Chris!!!!!

Vanessa

March 25, 2014 at 3:36 pm

Here’s a mind boggler for you… Ex broke it off after 3 years because he had to move and I couldn’t go with him. He however decided he didn’t want us to stop talking. (No hookups, no talk of reconciliation, just because I’m “awesome and don’t deserve to be ignored.”) This casual texting went on for 3 months until I got mad about it. Just wasn’t fair. So… it’s been 30 days NC today. I feel miserable. So much reminds me of him and I know he would respond if I reached out but I have not. I’m actually shocked he hasn’t because he has been so clueless thus far. So. Go another 30? Will he call? Should I?
J

March 24, 2014 at 8:30 am

The situation was he might have found me a bit needy before the breakup, since he decided to reduce/stop contacting me, until I couldn’t bare it and asked him about it, so I wasn’t sure whether I could call it a mutual breakup at the end. Then we’ve been on a month and a bit of NC, but I decided to reach out using the excuse of wanting my dress back from his. I tried to keep the message friendly, and he replied, but I didn’t even get to the point of wanting my dress back, as he didnt reply the msg after. So I didn’t want to push it by asking again, since I was waiting for him to reply. So, I’m not sure what to do now. He’s a very slow and self centred type of guy, so will NC continue to work? Or what should I do?

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