The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,271 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

brittany

May 6, 2014 at 2:01 pm

Hey my ex and I were together for a little while and then he broke up with me for his ex gf because he had seen her n it brought back feelings..that I had done nothing wrong…well we broke up anyways, hadn’t txtd for a while then he texts me saying so do u hate me..well me wanting to talk to him, I text him back…we talk for hours..he says he’s sorry that he just needed to see where things cud go with her, he’s known her for 10 years n me only a year…n just on n on..well everything will go good then stuff gets brought up n we argue..he says that he found out she hadn’t changed n wanted to get back with me..but he put me through a test n I failed..therefore he couldn’t trust me… (I never cheated n never would) so he usually texts me with stuff thats rlly bothering him…n we end up talking for hours..we are friends stuff, but he’s so confusing…he will sit there n say because that happened we can’t be together, yet still wanna tell me deep thought out things, n we hang out with the same group of friends…so its hard not to talk or see each other….anywho, the other night I was at our friends house n decided to leave with someone else (he wasn’t there) so he texts me and asks me where I was, then again saying fine ignore me, then facebooks me saying something, then once again saying hello Britt? Well I ignored him that whole night, in the morning I find out he texts my best friend asking where I was n what I was doing…she didn’t tell him…so I texted him in the morning n we started talking..again him asking all the same questions, but now it starts turning into an argument…n then I say I dk it hurts, and he’s like ya it does n I just dk what to do…but still In the same breathe sits there n says he can’t be with me BC I messed up one time..(we weren’t even together)..i dont know I’m soo confused right now..i dk what he’s trying to prove but, he said when he was texting me he wanted to talk to me bout something but that wasn’t important anymore n refused to tell me… (guilt trip?) we talked for a while last night..and we will be deep in convo, n then I tell him I’m heading to bed n all I get is yep night..now I haven’t talked to him again yet..im just confused on this whole situation n really need some help…im sorry its long and probably a little confusing, but maybe you’ll get a little glimpse on my confusion…please please please let me know.
Sophie

May 2, 2014 at 9:34 pm

Ladies!! Believe me wen I say Chris knows what he’s talking about NC is the BESTTTTTT thing you can do. I was an emotional wreck when I first came on here and Chris told me to go NC but not for te sake of getting my ex back…to help ME! which is the most important thing. No my ex has not contacted me and it has been nearly 30 days…but I can honestly say as each day goes by it DOES get easier. Yes I still have bad days and I’d still want him to talk to me but if he thinks for one second I’m going to contact him first he has another things coming!! I was in bits for weeks and weeks I never ate for a week and now I look back and think WHY he was perfectly fine and happy to break up with me after telling me I was the best girlfriend he ever had and told me ‘icant say I won’t eventually want you back’ well no I am nobodies back up plan and thanks to Chris and me reading nearly every page of this website it made me realise whether you et your ex back or not YOU will be the stronger one Chris is right when he says after NC your ex will either contact you or you will realise you don’t even want them back! I even went on a date last night which also made me realise the only person that can make you happy is yourself
Yeah I’m still waiting for a call or text off my ex but I’m not waiting around for it I’m getting on with my life and you all should do NOT break no contact!! Find the will power and as Beyoncé says…who runs the world?…GIRLS
Thank you Chris!!

brittany

May 7, 2014 at 2:11 am

Posts like this give me hope…i just hope I can be strong n figure my situation out like you have..congrats and hope all stays well..
Sophie

May 7, 2014 at 4:19 pm

You will!! Chris can only do 50% for you the other 50 is you putting everything into action I was seriously a state and cried my eyes out for weeks and weeks and now I can’t believe how I feel but it’s because I believed in myself and built myself back up! Keep strong 🙂
admin

May 8, 2014 at 4:20 pm

Spot on!
admin

May 7, 2014 at 3:40 pm

Amen!
admin

May 6, 2014 at 6:49 pm

Yay Sophie!!!

Love comments like this.
Sophie

May 7, 2014 at 1:03 pm

You kicked me up the backside and made me realise so much!! I tried the text types you suggested…I sent him one yesterday not because I want him back but because I genuinely am happy so I wasn’t bothered if I got a reply or not…and as usual I was nice to him…and got no reply and it only makes me realise even more how much I’m better off without him! He honestly cares about nobody but himself and I don’t need a guy like that in my life good riddance!
admin

May 7, 2014 at 3:52 pm

Atta girl!!

Im happy for you!
Sophie

May 7, 2014 at 4:17 pm

Ohhhhhhhh Chris guess who text me back 😉
admin

May 8, 2014 at 4:17 pm

I am going to take a wild guess and say your ex boyfriend?
Sophie

May 8, 2014 at 6:00 pm

Yes :O your a genius :O haha! He replied to the text type you suggested and I replied but kind of ending the conversation so it’s up to him now, think it’s best I just don’t text again and just carry on doing what I am?
admin

May 9, 2014 at 3:20 pm

Text him again tomorrow… try to go farther in the conversation.
Sophie

May 10, 2014 at 5:22 pm

So I thought I’d update the situation…I needed to pass on some money to his sister as I have sponsored her for a charity event and as I said on a older post last month he works opposite me so today I felt brave and just thought ‘fuck it!’ Every second saturday they open a bar up outside in the market and I saw him there so I went up to him and said ‘hey can you give this to your sister please’ and he looked up and took the envelope but looked back down and he went ‘oh er yeah ok cool sure’ but kept his head down and wouldn’t look at me then he looked up and I just smiled and went ‘see ya :)’ and walked off and he said bye…he never smiled or anything and kept his head down…do you think it’s because he jut doesn’t care anymore or think he feels guilty still? I’m glad I did it though it’s got it off my cheat and he can see I’m smiling and I also changed my hair which a lot of people have said looks awesome so I felt great going up to him…he however looks the same
Sophie

May 10, 2014 at 7:16 pm

I decided to text him to see if me seeing him today would make him text back…he text back in half an hour…this is how it went…

Me: Miss you x

Him: sorry about today. just really shocked to see you x

Me: it’s ok didn’t think you looked to happy to see me so that’s why I didn’t stay and chat lol hope your okay 🙂 x

Him: jist shocker lol. i hope your ok and uni going ok x i appreciate how awesome you have been about everything

Me: Yeah unis fine I finish on monday 🙂 it’s gone fast…guess what got my theory in two weeks…proud? 😉 bet il fail haha hows work going? and it’s ok x btw hope your grandads ok x

Him: woow that has gone fast. lol about time. works busy and full on as always. thanks. hope everyfin goes ok with u and hospital x

Me: Yeah really fast lol aw just make the most of your days off. Had my MRI scan yesterday was horrible felt like I was strapped in a coffin for half an hour lol and start physio next month 🙂 anyway I best get revising for my last exam on Monday, hope to talk to you again soon 🙂 x

Kimberly

April 29, 2014 at 7:45 pm

Ok so I did the whole no contact but went a head and contacted him early..well it didn’t go so well..so I waited…contacted him again nothing…..so waited…so then a few days later I sent him something very heart felt…and he said he was happy I was doing good..and he forgave me..but he didn’t want to be friends and wr needed to move on..so ai said ok and waited then I sent him a joke and.he started.taljing..he was saying things that I normally would get upset over and start a fight..but I didnt and I brushed it off and kept textincg happy stuff..when he realized I.actually changed he started joking with me then we texted all day yesterday like nothing was wrong..both being our old selves! (During the whole no.contact his mom and I talked a lot! And he began to have a good relationship) well I asked her a question..and then she asked if Brandon and I have been talking. I told her kinda not really except today we really talked and it was really nice..She said Im glad you two talked with out all the arguing thats nice to be able to do that. Is this a good sign?
CT

April 29, 2014 at 2:49 pm

After initiating NC for a week, my ex deleted whatsapp (the primary medium which we talk to one another). Is this a bad sign?

Lauren

April 30, 2014 at 8:57 am

He probably deleted it because he’s constantly checking whether you’re online or not!

cathrene

April 29, 2014 at 10:37 am

Hey my boyfriend just broke up with me 4 days ago… I haven’t contacted him either… He never had time for me n kept promising me he’ll change but never did for 9 months… I kept adjusting for him from the start of this relationship till the end… I started forgetting myself n only thinking about how to spend time with him in his busy life…. He would make excuses to even meet me once a week and chat with me one hour a day… N finally after all my adjustment n sacrifices he breaks up with me saying that he can’t take the fighting anymore and it’s better we break up.., specially it’s better for you … So my question is after 30 days suppose the NC rule works n he starts contacting me… But will he want to date me again? Or will he just want to remain frnz… N what do I do if that happens?

cathrene

May 14, 2014 at 9:02 pm

Can I please get a reply…. Been waiting for a long time
admin

May 15, 2014 at 2:16 pm

I can’t guarantee that he will want to date you again, no one can but I can tell you that NC is only half the battle. What you do after NC is just as important.

Lisa

April 29, 2014 at 1:35 am

Did the NC for a month straight, he didn’t reach out. He signs online and says nothing, I guess the fact he hasn’t blocked me shows he’s interested in talking? Also, I don’t wanna make the first move, I know you said I should but I always did the first move before and I think it’s up to him now. He signs online and he hates social media so I guess he’s there for me? Anyway thanks for your help. Any idea how I should proceed?

admin

April 30, 2014 at 1:10 am

I think you should make the first move. I talk about that in some of my later guides.

Bebesgal

April 29, 2014 at 12:52 am

Chris,

My ex and I broke up three weeks ago. We only dated for only five months, but it was clear that he wasn’t ready to fully commit as he was still dealing with the demise of his 13 year marriage. Divorced for a year, separated for another. I ended it because I am looking for something more. I’ve never been married or have children. So we are at two different paths. When we broke up, it was the friendliest and nicest break-up possible – it was hard to let go for both of us. Anyway, I told him that he could not contact me as I need time to sort out of my feelings, and having him around would prolong my getting over him. He was hurt by my request – but we went our separate ways. Needless to say, he is still occupying my head and heart. I’m missing him and having a hard time moving on, but I’m looking ahead. However, a week ago I received a note from him. He brought up the fact that he knew he isn’t suppose to contact me, but wanted to reach out and say hello. I responded politely and told him thanks and hope he was doing well. Anyway, he proceeded to want the conversation going. At one point, he told me that he missed seeing my name on his phone and that he believes I’m one of a kind. I jokingly said it was because my name is awesome. I do have a unique name. If I hadn’t stopped the conversation by saying goodnight, he would have kept going. That was a week ago. Ever since than, I have been constantly checking my phone, wondering if he will reach out. And I am having a hard time holding back from reaching out to him. I guess I don’t know what category he falls under…I’m not sure getting back together is in our future, but I miss him terribly. I feel bad imposing the no contact rule because he is such a wonderful guy and the break-up wasn’t dramatic. But I feel that it is what I need to move on. Am I still doing the right thing? Thank you for reading.

admin

April 30, 2014 at 1:10 am

The ultimate decision is up to you but I think you should give it a try.

Lauren

April 29, 2014 at 12:50 am

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend and I broke up last week after he got really drunk and just finished it with no real reason just he “couldn’t do it anymore”. I thought he might have just been drunk, but the next day I called him and he basically said he thought we were done. I said I’d call up to him later that night to talk. Before I did I text asking him for a straight answer we’re we finished or not and he replied with one word “yes”. I didn’t go to his house, nor did I tell him I wasn’t.

He contacted me asking was I coming up, I ignored. He contacted me the next morning asking if i was ok, I ignored. He called later on that day, I ignored. The following day (which would have been two days after our break up) he text asking if i’d been calling him that morning. I hadn’t been so I simply replied saying no. Almost instantly I got a text back asking how I was, I replied saying I was working and couldn’t talk. Two nights after this, I called him, and bottled it, put my phone in my pocket and pretended I’d hit off it. I then called him back to say the same and the conversation was civil. He asked how I was I said fine, he said he wasn’t the best, then he said he was in his friends house and I just said I’d leave him to it.

So heading into 3rd day official NC. I need to know what he’s thinking. Will he ever get in touch? Have I played it right so far apart from my little phone call mishap?

Looking forward to your reply.

Lauren

April 29, 2014 at 8:48 am

Just to clarify, we have broken up before, last year. I chased him like a fool and it took him months before he decided he wanted to start things up again. I haven’t done that this time..

Iris

April 28, 2014 at 7:34 pm

Hi
I found out last week that my live-in partner of 5 years, has been seeing someone at work. I had suspected for a couple of weeks that things were not quite right and called his bluff about him pretending to go away to see family at the weekend, when he was actually going to stay at her house. I told him to leave, I am absolutely devastated. I spoke to him on the phone last week about what he had done to me, I got really mad, crying and getting hysterical, he was also crying but also he was saying that there were no fireworks any more and that this woman, who he claims to have just been seeing for 4 weeks, blew his mind. He only took a few clothes and laptop etc, there are lots of clothes and other items that belong to him here.
I told him that I didn’t want to see him just yet, which means he cant come to get his stuff, I also took his house key from him.
I have not contacted him for 6 days, the last contact was various emails about his belongings. I really want him back, but I am scared that he wont come back and will want to stay with this woman from his work. What advice to you give as regards contact?

admin

April 30, 2014 at 1:01 am

How old are you two?

And if you were together for 5 years what prevented you guys from taking the next step?
Iris

April 30, 2014 at 6:16 am

Hi, we are both 53. Both divorced and have been living together for 3 years, 2 years before that we had a long distance relationship. He has 5 grown up children, the are all beginning to move around the country to go to university etc. He has not moved to be near them, he only lives a few miles away from me with this new woman. I always thought that we would be together forever, given the move that he made to be here with me. I thought that we may have got married eventually, but that wasn’t important. He is quite an insecure person, needs a lot of reassurance. He said that we were getting old before our time and that he felt that all we were doing was waiting for retirement and getting settled into elderly life. He felt that there were no fireworks any more. He has known this woman for a number of months, but I do believe that he has only been seeing her for a few weeks. He claims to still love me, however, not in the same way as before. I know nothing about this other woman except that she works with him. She has obviously given him the attention that he felt he wasn’t getting at home. Last night I removed him from my friends list on Facebook, took me a while to press the delete key. He still has all his clothes and a lot of personal items here, including furniture. I did tell him last week to come and take it all away, but at the time, I couldn’t bear to see him, so told him to leave it for now as I didn’t want to see him right now. I don’t now know how to move forward and I am looking for some guidance. Miss him terribly and want him to come back. I know things were a bit staid, but we had a good relationship.
Iris

April 30, 2014 at 6:23 am

Apologies, I know that we will seem ‘old’ especially given a lot of comments and posts on this site. However, I am sure the same principles apply.

JoConfused

April 28, 2014 at 6:02 pm

I started dating my BF last March 2013. Things were almost too perfect. Very happy. We had broken up a couple times during the year we were together – always the same issue – his teen son. He felt that if he was not always around, not always spending time with him that he was being a bad father because he wanted to be with me.

My ex bf had a bad marriage – spouse cheated on him. She was also controlling and 3 years ago gave him full custody of their son. She is not in contact with either of them. BF was always worried that his son would ruin and be the result of ending our relationship. His teen son has always liked me and is normally being a regular teen — hanging out with his friends.

Ex-bf has a hard time dealing with stress and is not a good communicator. He lets things build up then explodes. He had some family issues arise with his younger brother, his work hours have increased tremendously (12-14 hour days) and his son always wants to be away and does not want to come to my house although he had in the past.

He had all these things going on and did not talk to me about it. Then just suddenly he said he wanted to break it off because of his son – he will never want to be a family. I was very upset because we had discussed this more than once. It’s been 2 1/2 weeks since our break up. We are still “FB friends” but do not contact each other at all. He is what you would call “stubborn NC”. I want to talk to him because I know that he has now calmed down and would be more able to talk. Should I even bother? We truly did love each other but he can’t get over his insecurity that his son will be hurt again.

admin

April 30, 2014 at 12:59 am

Did he ever feel like you were forcing him to be away from his son?

Monica

April 28, 2014 at 4:38 pm

my ex boyfriend left a week ago we were fighting about issues about our future and the fight dragged on for a week and wasn’t resolved. he said he was done but he didn’t ever pack up his things and I asked him a few times what was going on because he didn’t pack his things up. we argued that night and the next day he argued with me more and then left. he then texted me the next night and sad that he misses me and that he hopes I find relaxation and that he will never look at another woman like he looked at me and that it will take him a long time to let another woman in his life. I never texted back to this because I felt like he was saying another goodbye. he has some important things he left at my house. he texted me a couple days later and said that he needs to get them. I texted ok. its almost been a week since he sent that text. yesterday he texted me and asked if he left something at my house. I said yes. I haven’t bugged him haven’t called him. the only thing I did was not respond to his long text the day after he left. he hasn’t said when he will be getting his things so that is up in the air. what do I do? i don’t want the relationship to be over. any advice is much appreciated.

admin

April 30, 2014 at 12:57 am

Well, go into NC but you are allowed to break it to let him get his things.

Taylor

April 28, 2014 at 2:03 pm

Me and my boyfriend recently broke up and at first he wouldn’t talk to me but I tried NC for about 3 or 4 days and he finally replied back to me after I sent him a message telling him about how my trip was going(trip I took over weekend). We continued talking over the night but then he stopped out of nowhere. I asked him if he thought about me and he said “no” then stopped talking to me. Maybe he just wanted the ball back in his court. Theirs no doubt that me and him had a very passionate relationship but also argued a lot seeing as we are both bipolar, stubbern, and are almost exactly alike. I just really want him back and he’s in a rebound relationship. I think him messaging me that other night was a good baby step but now I need to do NC again and get the ball back in my court and get more control and learn the RIGHT things to say when we do talk. I think I have a chance at getting him back. I have the right resources, just need to use them properly I believe.
St4c3y

April 27, 2014 at 9:04 pm

Figure this guy type?! 🙂 My ex and I parted ways after 18 months. It was a long distance relationship, he lived with his family – incidentally near my family, and I live 140 miles away. In the beginning we saw each other whenever we could, i was reluctant to open my heart as a long term relationship had finished 6 months earlier, but we had fun – lighthearted, and he was enthusiastic, passionate, persistant – he tried new things and was willing, and we fell for each other – but gradually I wanted more of him, and became frustrated that we would say goodbye on weekends and live separate lives, seeing each other evey other weekend by then – i wanted to date, curl up next to him in bed – but i was stubborn and my career kept me here, his debts and job kept him there altho he had said he would move, excuses always came. I missed him, I got frustrated with the situation and other circumatances and i feel i gradually pushed him away with’ real life issues’. He’s got his family and friends in the place he lives and grew up, and he’s had a couple of 2 year relationships before me that he said were ‘dull’ and bored him. He saw me a risk as my experiences have made me confident, a go-getter – and i think that scared him as it would mean regularly coming out of his comfort zones to try new things – but i wouldn’t push. I’m pretty sure we were happy the most part…then as i sensed him close off from me a few weeks prior to the act, so i said i needed space, and we kind of ended it by call as he said he’d been feeling the same way and i was devastated – it hurt and i’d had no idea he was feeling that way. A couple of weeks later i asked if i could see him, so as not to end the relationship by phone and we met, he said he thought splitting was for the best as he missed me. My heart broke, i told him that i’d had the thinking time i’d needed and missed him every second of every day and would consider moving, but he was closed to me. A tear rolled down his cheek and it was over – he never said anything to stop what was happening. What i haven’t mentioned is that i’m going away travelling for two months next month, i had planned to go last year, but i became ill and he was by my side the whole time. I knew he couldn;t afford to come but i offered to pay – it’s only money, but he was too proud and wanted to get rid of his debts and do a qualification. i’ve a life’s for living attitude… i’ve not contacted him since our final talk 3 weeks ago – he’s made his decision. he wanted to stay friends and previously said he didn;t want to lose me but i’ve blocked him on facebook and am doing stuff with friends for my sanity as i know i still love him, my heart aches for him the more time passes – but i’m accepting it’s what he wants – although part of me thinks it;s not actually what he wants but self preservation and it’s making it hard. I wasn’t a bad girlfriend, he had his freedom, fun and we made each other happy when we were together – but he gradually withdrew and gave up – he wasn;t one for talking, just thinking and i couldn’t read his mind, but i think the distance and my plans to travel may have been the final nail. I wish things were different, but i guess i am accepting i cannot change anything. From a guy’s perspective, do you have any clue as to what type of guy he is and it’s been three weeks and not a thing… He’s a proud Leo and he always called me gorgeous and said i was his lioness to his lion – WDYT? Thoughts gratefully appreciated…

admin

April 28, 2014 at 4:22 pm

What were his relationships like in the past?
St4c3y

April 28, 2014 at 5:36 pm

Hm, not a lot to go on as it wasn’t a topic I was comfortable talking about – Exes – but when we started to get to know each other he did write “no ms Adam, I did meet what I would describe as a soulmate, but upon leaving her ex he tried to top himself, she feels guilty, went back, the end”. But that’s all I know, no idea when that was or who it was with and we built a relationship after this and did things he hadn’t done in previous relationships, so I never thought anything about it…as i say, a couple of short term relationships (2 years) and a couple of ‘f*ck buddies’ I think, but he’s never moved out of home and he’s 36! 🙂 Alarm bells rang, but he seemed to justify it…and i never thought he’d found someone he wanted to move on with…this is good therapy! 😉 What are you thinking?
St4c3y

May 30, 2014 at 4:59 pm

So, it’s been over 8 weeks of no contact and nothing – not a thing. I blocked his facebook friends and family in a bid to let myself move on. But NC from him is messing with my mind a lot now – did I imagine how he said he felt about me and our ‘connection’? My head wants to let go of him, but my heart and intuition says differently – that all is not as it seems – making it difficult to move forward. I go away tomorrow for two months – and having not heard anything at all is painful. Please explain what you think has gone on – I need the truth from a male mind..

Lexi

April 26, 2014 at 3:16 pm

Hi Chris. My boyfriend and I were together for nearly 5 years. We had a close relationship and I had a good relationship with his family. They all thought we would eventually get married. 2 weeks prior to the breakup we didn’t really speak. He dumped me 3 days ago on facebook chat. He didn’t even have the decency to tell me to my face. He said he didn’t love me anymore. When we were discussing this I asked if we were still friends at least? He didn’t respond, but then the next day he randomly messaged me and said that yes we can still be friends. I did not respond to this and will not be contacting him even though I feel like I didn’t get a whole lot of closure as I didn’t speak with him face to face. Do you think he will eventually contact me and is there any hope of reconciliation?

admin

April 28, 2014 at 4:14 pm

What was the reason he gave for the breakup?
Lexi

April 28, 2014 at 7:21 pm

He basically said he didn’t have time for me because of work and was annoyed with me because I just finished college and haven’t been able to find work, though I am a full time carer for my elderly grandmother. It seems like all he cares about is working. His mother called me today and had no idea we’d broken up, she said he hadn’t said anything to her.
Lexi

April 28, 2014 at 10:59 pm

He also uploaded to facebook a random photo from the internet of a girl standing at a crossroads…like pondering which road to take. Doesn’t really make sense to me when he already chose one road, he already dumped me
Lexi

April 29, 2014 at 8:29 am

He jsut changed his status to in an open relationship…does that mean he’s already met someone else?

Marie

April 26, 2014 at 1:20 pm

He broke up with me claiming he could not handle the long distance between us. We talked the day after as just friends as I had a few questions as to where it all went wrong. After getting all of my answers I told him I can not have a friendship with someone i am in love with. He understood and respected my choice. I told him I do not wish to speak to him as it will only hurt me more. Will no contact still work for me since he basically knows I’m doing it?

admin

April 28, 2014 at 4:11 pm

Have you read my long distance guide. A lot of people have found it helpful?
Marie

April 28, 2014 at 7:44 pm

I have. That is how I heard about no contact. I am not sure as to if no contact is possible after I told him I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. He knows I’m doing it. I texted him yesterday and no response. I’m lost as to what I should do.
Marie

April 30, 2014 at 5:08 pm

The day he broke up with me he told me he loved me over text. He then asked me to skype him 15 minutes later and said he can’t do it anymore. He was supposed to come over that week but was unable to last minute. 2 days before the break up he promised me he wasn’t going to break up with me and reassured that he loves me and that I’m the only one for him. He texted me the next day and we talked as just friends. But I told him the day after I can not have a friendship with someone I’m in love with. He said he understands and respects my choice and hopes I have a good life between now and next time we meet again. He favorites my tweets but ignored me when I texted him.
Marie

April 26, 2014 at 1:29 pm

He texted me first the day after and requested we be friends

Amanda

April 24, 2014 at 8:14 pm

Idk how this whole NC works. My ex and I have spoke every week since our break up 4 weeks ago. Although he is “talking” to someone new. In the midst of our remenising and laughing about our great memories, we both mutually agreed that there were no bad memories. Not one fight, not one screaming match…in fact he had just taken me ring shopping, asked my family’s permission for marriage and even customized a house together. He even got proposal tips from my two best friends…two weeks later, I’m being dumped for no reason. Of course I did the usual asking of why and crap and then it dawned on me…two days ago…why am I treating him with such kindness?! He obviously doesn’t have respect for my feelings and has yet to say one bad thing about us together, but “doesn’t know what the future holds”…pssshhh I’m not buying it. So, I blocked him. Out of the blue. Being sweet for a month and kissing his rump, I blocked him and deleted his number. Then he text yesterday to remind me of an important apt I had today to which I replied who is this. My point is, why would NC make a man want to come back when if the woman was that important to begin with, why wouldn’t he be beating down her door instead of play the tug of war. No matter what the articles say, idk men and doubt I ever will. I sure don’t think my ex will be contacting me regardless how long we go NC.

admin

April 26, 2014 at 1:31 am

Usually NC is only the first step of this entire process. In order to get him to chase you do have to do stuff.

Sherry

April 24, 2014 at 6:17 pm

My ex-boyfriend left last Friday. He had been getting very cold and distant (both emotionally and physically) the past few months, even picking little fights that would eventually blow up into huge arguments. He said he couldn’t take the arguing anymore and felt it was best that he leave. He tells me that he tells all of our friends that I am the most amazing woman he has ever gone out with and that he will always love me. I have two teenage daughters and he has been very active in their lives. He wants to continue to be active as well. He texts them every night – they do not respond- they are still very upset and hurt. I have done the no contact. Part of the problem is that we are both active members of a group that raises money for our Veterans so we are bound to bump into each other at least 3 to 4 times per month. He has been contacting me to see how my daughters are doing, to set up times to pick up the remainder of his items etc. We are still friends on Facebook so he sees that I have become very active again and have started going out and meeting new and old friends alike. He called me the other night and I chose not to answer. He became very irate. He texted me 2 evenings ago and I didn’t respond so he texted me the following morning to which I responded and kept it very much to the point. During our brief conversations, he keeps reiterating why he felt it best that he leave. Again he texted me yesterday evening and again this morning at 5 am about details regarding picking up his items. After the fact, he stated that he had “heard” that I was seeing someone else. He seemed very cool with it, actually stating that he was “glad for me” and that “he was cool with that” and the only reason he was asking was because he “didn’t want to cause any waves by texting or talking to me”. I NEVER initiate contact. Should I do absolutely no contact once he grabs the remainder of his stuff and because my girls are teenagers, he can contact them directly? Is he still emotionally invested? Any advice would be much appreciated!

admin

April 25, 2014 at 11:16 pm

Is he their father?

If not, then I would recommend full NC.
Sherry

April 26, 2014 at 3:53 pm

He is not their father. Thank you for your response
admin

April 28, 2014 at 4:15 pm

Do you find it strange that he wants to remain in their lives? I mean, I guess it is a nice sentiment but I find it a little strange too.
Sherry

May 1, 2014 at 8:33 pm

I guess I never looked at it that way. He was very active in their lives. He was more of a father to them than their birth father was. He still texts them every night telling them that he loves them and misses them. They wont respond as they are very upset and hurt. He even posted something on FB yesterday, trying to reach out to them stating “that even though he had closed a chapter in his life, there were a few things in this chapter that he didn’t want to lose” and he mentioned them. We were the only family that he ever really had.
Sherry

May 1, 2014 at 8:38 pm

He and I were together for 4 years.

Minako

April 24, 2014 at 4:57 pm

He just broke up with me completely.
There had been one which was on the phone and i didnt want it it end it like this and give it another try. Then few weeks later he broke up again (we planned to go ski holiday with his family, his reasons were that he said he doesnt love me anymore and hes going to japan anyways (for a year, maybe forever when he can -i dont really know) so he sees no future with me, i insisted to stay with him till hes gone and i will completely let him go, and he agreed to it. During those times he had slept with me too. Eventually i was so emotional insecure and everything i started to creep him out. So he ended the relationship completely. Iasked him wether hes in love with someone else. He remained silence and was kinda shocked. I told him he can tell me the truth. He said yes, i asked him wether he kissed her yet, he said no. He doesnt know how she feels towards him. And then i asked him whether he would start a relationship with her, he said he doesnt know maybe yes. Yet he told me hes going anyway, but would start a new relationship? He also said maybe he will break up with her too when he goes – im completely confused. Long story short we parted friendly. But i really dont know what to do. I didnt text him or anything (i wouldnt at all) but he has to pick some of his stuff at my home….(xbox, probably clothes too) how should react to it? He hasnt contacted me yet… but i really dont know what to say whether i should answer him or not. I met with his brother today, since he was teaching me something. I didnt cry or anything, i acted as if everything was ok. As soon as he left ofc i cried…
So…. i wonder if i still have a chance with him…. and how i should deal with it when he wants to get his stuff during the nc rule….

admin

April 25, 2014 at 10:14 pm

You still have a chance of course and you are allowed to break NC to exchange stuff.

Jemma

April 24, 2014 at 10:13 am

Hi Chris. My boyfriend and I ended our relationship only 2 days ago. Although 4 weeks ago he had asked for a break to clear his head as he wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore. After a week on a break he told me he wanted to get our relationship back on track. I was delighted with this and couldnt wait to start spending time with him again. It took a further week before he made himself available to see me after making many excuses and we began seeing each other regularly. But it wasnt the same. He had become very unaffectionate and focused mainly on his friends. I was no longer a priority which in turn hurt me badly. During a night in with two of our friends who are also in a relationship 2 nights ago he avoided me even though we went together. I knew something was seriously up and on the drive home i asked if i had done something to upset him. This is when we ended the relationship as he said he really wants to be alone right now and have time to himself to get his head back together. We talked and i remained polite and even though a few tears were shed i told him that i was unhappy with the way things had been after the break also and that this was probably for the best(i lied i want to be with him so badly). We have been friends for 10 years and only in a relationship 8 months, so we discussed how we didnt want to lose our friendship. We also have the same group of friends which makes things more difficult to deal with. I have a daughter from a previous relationship who he has built a strong bond with too – he said he wants to still see her sometimes as she means a lot to him. I made an announcement on facebook(simply to avoid constant questions and having to relive the break up continously) saying that we had decided to end our relationship and that there is no animosity between either of us and that we still consider each other to be very close friends. I mentioned that “i love and respect him and am looking forward to moving on and seeing each of us be happy again.” I also ended the announcement by saying – “Heres to a good Friendship!” He commented saying – “heres to a good friendship jem! :D” Basically we have ended on good terms and told one another we will speak soon as he has to collect his things from my house and return my key to me. This is where im finding a problem. I began NC yesterday morning. (We last spoke after the facebook thing 2 days ago). Im feeling positive and think i will manage to be strong with the hopeful intentions of winning him back! I see myself marrying this guy i love him so much. My question is – What should i do if the inevitable happens and he contacts me asking to come and collect his things? I have made arrangements to keep really busy and start enjoying my social life again (weekend away, nights out etc) I feel NC will benefit my mindset more than anything and will make me a happier person. But honestly, from your experience and a professional opinion: Do you think my chances of getting him back are high? We have a holiday booked for September which we have agreed to cancel also. Thanks for your time and I look forward to hearing from you.

admin

April 24, 2014 at 4:12 pm

I think you have a shot… I really mean it.
Jemma

April 28, 2014 at 3:18 pm

Hi chris. Day 6 NC and my ex text me today asking when i will be going to cancel our holiday. Its not important that he knows this as i can do it myself its in my name but he may just be genuinely wondering incase he is left to pay something! Should i reply or ignore this message? Thanks.
Jemma

April 28, 2014 at 7:40 pm

Forgot to mention: i met his best friend(a close friend of mine too) when i was out tonight with friends. The first thing he said to me was asking if i had text my ex back yet. He kept telling me to text him back throughout the conversation. I just said i was busy. I didnt ask anything about him and the conversation was short. This is a good sign right? It shows he has been affected by me not responding to his message about the holiday?

Amy

April 23, 2014 at 4:51 pm

Hi Chris, I posted last week about how much going no contact has helped me already (now at about 2.5 weeks) even when I found out he might have started seeing someone new. I have a question though. I don’t want to bore you with background but he and I had been trying the “friends” thing for almost a year after breakup, mainly because we are both involved in certain community things that will force us into occasional contact. So, there’s an event next week that normally we would both attend. I don’t want to NOT go because of him– it would look weird to others that I didn’t go– but what do I do when I see him? I probably could avoid him in the crowd… but should I do that? Or should I deliberately go up to him and greet him confidently and end the conversation quickly? The reason I went NC is that the “friendship” wasn’t working for me, the usual story… I wanted more closeness out of it than was giving me even though we were in frequent mutual contact. We were just arguing all the time.

So I think I want to greet him to show that I’m happy and upbeat without him, right? If I ignore him he knows I’m still affected by him. Or should I just circulate and wait for him to come to me?

admin

April 24, 2014 at 3:59 pm

You should go!!! If you do see him be friendly but don’t initiate unless he does.
Amy

April 24, 2014 at 4:24 pm

Ok, thanks. I’m already practicing ending the conversation before he does. He was ALWAYS the one to end the conversation, but no more!

I’ve brightened my hair and I’ve been exercising more.. I’m going to make sure I look and smell great so he sees what he’s missing!
admin

April 25, 2014 at 10:11 pm

Yay!

It’s fun taking control.

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