The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,271 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Erin

May 21, 2014 at 12:45 pm

I was dating my guy for two months. Instant connection. Even he couldn’t stop commenting on how scary (in a good way) it was to be sooo comfortable with me. He still drew a line, tried to slow the pace of something that was moving naturally. He feared jumping into a relationship would be a mistake because every relationship has failed that he’s jumped into. I was also the first girl he could see himself marrying since the one who broke his heart a year ago, so he had this fear of getting close/screwing it up/getting hurt, etc.

Still, he wanted me to be 100% myself and open up to him. I remained guarded inside, but was still acting naturally with him. I refrained from the what are we talks, are you hooking up with anyone else, etc, because I didn’t see a need to rush it. I knew he’d come around when he was ready because all of his actions and words made me feel confident he would.

Two weeks ago, he texted me drunk, telling me he fell in love with me. That I possess every quality he’s looking for in a wife and he knows love is a heavy word to use, and he knows he’s had a few beers, but this is real to him and he thinks we should talk about being exclusive. Fast forward a week later, he slowly grows distant, still spends time with me, but the connection feels off.
I confront him and he blindsided me.

He’s not ready for a serious relationship. He still wants to be a dude, not worry about someone else’s feelings. He knows he’s going to screw it up because he’s not ready to give up his independence. He doesn’t want to feel responsible or guilty for hurting me feelings when he messes up. He meant those words at the time because he’s a very passionate and in the moment kind of person; however, he cannot bring himself to label us. Once you label it, he said everything changes. And when he is a boyfriend, he always puts the girl first and makes sacrifices, all things he cannot do now. He still wanted to continue seeing me the same way and didn’t know why it had to end.

We left deciding that I needed to figure out what I want. He thinks I should date other men, still be his friend and see him, and he thinks I’ll realize I still want him after going on a few dates, that I’m the girl for him and the timing is just off with us right that. That I’ll come back to him later and we will rekindle and go from there. He said he call me later that night when we were parting ways, but never followed through. It’s now been almost three days and I’m scared he changed his mind, maybe he never loved me. It hurts because for the first time in my life, I thought I found the one. What should I do?

jenn

June 7, 2014 at 1:23 am

I would love a response to this as i am going through almost the same situation… My guys said he loves me and all that…. and said I’m the one but he is not looking for anything serious as his ex messed up his head. I let the no commitment and no title happen for 6 months till i cam to my senses and RAN! When told him I’m not doing this anymore hr cried a lot but did not say he was ready to try a committed relationship. It has been 4 day NC and I’m doing great and know i can handle no contact for a month and till i clear my head. ( I’m a Taurus … pretty stubborn)
admin

June 7, 2014 at 4:49 pm

Im a Taurus too!!!

Keep on keeping on with the NC.
admin

May 21, 2014 at 4:14 pm

How old is he?
Erin

May 21, 2014 at 7:08 pm

Almost 29

sherry

May 21, 2014 at 5:43 am

Hey Chris,

So I’ve been with my ex for 7 months and we just broke things off last night. We never had a terrible relationship. He claims that he is emotionally messed up and needs to get his mind clear and what not (completely understandable). We both fell pretty hard for each other But my life due to certain events made things a bit harder for him, he never knew what to do or How to help or How to feel about the events going on. Which is also understandable due to the fact that we have a long distance relationship -I’m in new York and He’s in Toronto… what has me bent is that we both share so much love for each other and when ending things he asked me to promise to wait for him, in which I said I wouldn’t do forever. What is your input on him asking me to promise such a thing?

admin

May 21, 2014 at 2:42 pm

Why was he emotionally messed up?
sherry

May 21, 2014 at 7:03 pm

He isn’t good with venting and letting people in. Partly because of his past relationship, also not being able to know How to deal with my emotions on top of his. He says he has things going on in his life that he needs to figure out. He also text me saying that he wants to be with me, he just can’t. I haven’t responded to his texts.

princessleia

May 18, 2014 at 3:30 pm

I had this relationship for over 18 months. The last 9 months were long distance, well because he said he wanted to try because he cares about me and he sees me as 80 yo sitting with him and watching our grandchildren. It was successful, even though we were separated (US to Europe) we visited each other for two three weeks every two months. Then suddenly over skype we had a fight because I told him I do not feel as i am his priority in his life and he always finds excuses and changed his mind and said he doesnt wanna move to US even thought he promised me (did the same thing twice). He said he wants to focus on his career and have a relationship with me. I said okay let’s break up because you know I cannot come there for a year and you are not willing to sacrifice just a year so I can come to your country, lets break up. He cried and he said he has hopes he doesnt want to lose me.. But then suddenly he changed his mind and said he doesnt see me in his future. So we broke up. Yesterday it was almost 2 months with NC simply because I do not want to even though I terribly miss him and wish him to come back. But yesterday I had to contact to ask him to forward an e-mail with some licensing information because I deleted that mail. I simply ask hello, could you please send this, thanks. That is it. He replied and wrote sure, no problem. Then he asked ‘How are you doing?’ ..I do not wanna answer him because simply I do not think he cares about how I am doing and I do not simply wanna talk to him. But I am telling it is rude to not answer. Why couldn’t he just write ‘Sure, no problem’ why did he ask how i am doing? Was it just being nice or can there be something more? What should I do or should I answer, or what should I answer? Thanks.

admin

May 20, 2014 at 9:00 pm

How far away were you?
princessleia

May 24, 2014 at 7:17 pm

So what do you think?
princessleia

May 21, 2014 at 4:01 am

I am in DC and he was in Berlin
princessleia

May 21, 2014 at 4:05 am

we have dated exactly 18 months 9 months together and 9 months long distance. during long distance we visited each other like every 2 months for two to three weeks and had really nice time. I know i can live without him, I am not needy but sometimes it still hurts me he said that he doesnt see me in his future after crying about 30 minutes and said he is afraid of losing me, after sending a love letter and stuff. I cannot believe how his feelings have changed that fast. it makes me feel like he already thought of it and moved on, and waiting for me to understand. So I feel very complicated and sad out of a stupid “How are you doing?” question. I thought I healed and I was not thinking of him at all.

Elizabeth

May 16, 2014 at 4:26 pm

Okay so… with the angry guy, the answer is YES. I want to do this again.. more than anything in the world. I feel so awful for all of the mistakes I have made. I have spent the last 5 days thinking of ways to make it better and I want to call him and show him how I can change all of this. This no contact thing is killing me and it has only been 2 days. I’m supposed to sit back and just let him hate me and have all of these horrible associations with me? PLEASE help me. I love him so much and I can’t take this pain anymore. He has given me so many chances and I have failed. I don’t know what to do. I can’t even function.

admin

May 20, 2014 at 8:30 pm

Right now isn’t the best time to “change his mind” about you. Timing is important when it comes to this.

Cassie

May 16, 2014 at 12:34 pm

This may get a little long.I’ll try to keep it short. He’s of a religion that states he shouldn’t be with me before marriage.He was with me before marriage.He’s the sweetest and smartest guy I’ve ever met and despite cultural differences and a 12 year difference in age we have a lot in common.He broke up with me via text after I got angry with him on the phone when he called me on Monday(today is Friday).The anger was over him trying to tell me that he was going to change when he had to call me because he is trying to keep our relationship a secret.Yes I know that sounds bad already but I was willing to wait forever for him to figure out how having me wasn’t going to destroy his life and religion.I realize now that I caused him to be angry at me for not even listening to the plan before raising my voice and then made things worse by texting him when he left me to protect me from what he might say or do if the conversation continued.I furthered problems by not realizing I should stop contact for awhile and sent him a gmail.He responded by taking down a shared calendar and blocking me on gchat.The letter stated I would not contact him again but I failed at contact yet again when I called him to tell him that I hoped he would have a good day today because I knew he had something important to do today from a conversation we had a week ago.What do I do?Should I give up?What should I do if he responds?Or doesn’t?A lot of people in my life don’t want me to be with him.A person that does know about us on his end hates me because we love eachother.Please help me.What do I do?Did I ruin all chances for his return?Or should I let him forget me and follow through with his previous lifestyle.He said he loved me.We were sending loving texts back and forth all day on Monday 6 hours before I became stupid and complained about the possibility of having less time with him and now I have NO TIME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH HIM.:( I’m so sad.He showed me love and trust and I think I blew it.Am I wasting my time?

admin

May 20, 2014 at 8:17 pm

Who is older. Him or you?
Cassie

May 20, 2014 at 11:18 pm

I am. And I know what people think he was trying to do but he’s been here for 2 years and has just gotten his greencard this month. He actually helped me out financially quite a bit and would never let me pay for anything nor buy him anything. He would buy me whatever I wanted when we were together and would always get upset when I got the smallest thing or the cheapest thing. He often talked about what our kids would look like but refused to say I was too old. And he’s more mature than I am obviously as I was the one who was continuing to bait him into responding. Thank you for trying to help me.
Cassie

May 25, 2014 at 10:12 am

Well he called me after sending me text messages that basically blamed me for the breakup. He stated that he couldn’t take being asked it was over, over and over again. I texted him back and asked for my things but he wanted to send me everything…including things of a loving nature that I gave to him. I asked him why would he want to send those things if they were proof of our love? Even if it was over? So I told him that if he sent anything I would pay for it. He didn’t reply. The next day I called him one last time to tell him how I really felt. I told him that I understood he wanted me to leave him alone and that I would do so. I was finally ready for NC. So that night I leaft him alone. The next day I left him alone. That night he called me and told me he was going to send the items but he needed time because he was busy all this week. I said its ok. Do it when you can. I then asked if he was ok. He said he missed me and that over the past week he realized through some things that happened that I am his best friend. He said he didn’t want to lose me and that if I could friends with him. I asked him if he confessed because he had said he was at peace and to let him go and never call him again in a text. He said he did confess. This wasn’t what I wanted to hear because im sure we’ll never be together againnow…though a guy friend of mine disagrees and says he’ll risk losing his church for me all over again because it seems like he really cares about me. He did say he cares for me but I know he’s missed being part of that world and I can’t compete with God. So I just want to say that I think NC works if you do it right. I just did it a bit too late . I wish I had done it sooner so he mihht have come back to me as a boyfriend instead of just a friend. I will say I don’t know that I can be just friends with him even though I promised. I cannot imagine him telling me he’s dating and dealing well with it at all. And I did say to him not to tell me if he is or if he’s getting married and he laughed a bit at that one. I know that’s not realistic though. We talked for two hours and sometimes we got in an old habit of our old words but i am having trouble not using pet names and such. I told him I’m not quite ready to be only his friend. He said he understood. So should I just not encourage a friendship. I didn’t contact him last night and I have no plans to do it today/tonight either. Should I date to forget him..he did ask me about some guys that were talking to me on facebbok ( he was reading my page since the night he left me) and he said I could do whatever I liked. Still he did ask a lot about them. What do you think Chris. Should I just forget all about him?
Cassie

May 16, 2014 at 12:38 pm

oh…and we were together 9 months.

Red

May 16, 2014 at 2:52 am

Hey Chris!

Left you a comment in different section and two different e-mails (I know you don’t reply, I don’t mind, but if you read it that would be great!) 🙂

Anyway, I’m in my third week of NC, and I’m pretty close to the parents of my ex boyfriend… so during mother’s day, I greeted his mom, and when I knew he would be away at work, I went over to see her to give her some cake. I made sure I wouldn’t see him, and his mother has actually been keeping our interactions a secret from him, but since I left some cake in their house, and I didn’t want her to lie for me, I said I guess it would be okay if you say I just passed by to give you cake. It’s really not for him anyway, and I really wanted to do something for his mom, since she also cried when she found out we broke up, because it broke her heart too.

Anyway, that night, I guess he came home from work and saw my mother’s day gift. He sent me a message, pretty non-substantial, but I think he wanted to talk. It was like, “Hey… you there?”

I didn’t reply, but you know how iMessage has read receipts? I know this is such a shallow question, but do you think it would be better if I “marked it as read” and didn’t reply to it, or should I just not click the message so it would seem I never even read it? What would be better?

Sorry to bother you with such a question. I just wanted to hear someone else’s opinion on this! Thanks again, Chris. Oh, and if you’d like to comment on my actions re: giving his mom something, please do. I don’t want to jeopardise my chances on getting him back, but his mom does keep in contact with me, and I wanted her at least to be happy. She told me that ever since the break up, her son hasn’t wanted to go out, and he didn’t even want to celebrate mother’s day dinner. 🙁 I honestly don’t know what he’s thinking (but I have an idea after reading your guide!). He’s so stubborn, keeps on saying, “No, we’re not getting back together, I won’t go back” but he’s acting like a caveman and not enjoying himself at all.

admin

May 20, 2014 at 6:17 pm

I don’t think its that big of a deal to mark it read or not read to be honest.
Red

May 16, 2014 at 1:05 pm

Chris, I realized there’s another “Red” commenter in your website… but I’m sure you can tell us apart from our e-mail address? :))

Update! I ignored his first message and he messaged again almost 20 hours later, saying something like, “Hey hey why didn’t you tell me you’d pass by?” I didn’t even get the urge to reply because ugh, I really did it for his mom. This guy of mine wants to remain friends but I’m staying strong during NC. I’m at day 20 already! This was a positive response, right? I’m afraid of being friend zoned but I think I’ll follow your guide as much as possible (as you know, I bought your book :D).

Any comments from you re: what I did for his mom? I really love his mom, but do you think I should keep in contact with her or will this ruin my chances?
admin

May 20, 2014 at 8:21 pm

Positive response I sure think so!

Jemma

May 15, 2014 at 8:44 pm

Hi chris. Back again!

Basically did NC, went great and my ex text and called me so much. We had to arrange drop offs of belongings etc and last night he came to my house so i could fix his ipad. This is what happend(bear in mind this is the first time we have seen each other since the break up and properly spoke)

He came with our mutual friend. We sat and has a great laugh. We chilled (three of us) and then his friend left about 9. He stayed and i said i would take him home. We spoke for hours about all the happy memories and didnt stop laughing! It felt so good that we literally had no hard feelings. He then told me he split with me due to major stress because he got himself into a bit of debt that he has now cleared and sorted out. He also said that ending it with me was the hardest thing he has ever done and that he was so unhappy no speaking to me all this time(1 month). He pulled me close to him and hugged me really tight and told me he has been dying for a hug for so long. He didnt let me go and we kissed and cuddled and spent the remained of our time together being really happy. I took him home and he text me within 10 mins of leaving him. Saying how good a night he had has and that as soon as he seen me he wanted to kiss me. He told me how happy he was to be texting me again and that he hated not being able to speak to me. We spoke for a while then he went to bed and told me to text him the next day. So basically everything that i had ever hoped for happend!!! I was over the moon and woke up so happy today.

Now for the issue:

Basically we have all of the same friends. Everyone was supposed to be coming to my house on friday night including my ex. And he said last night that he was coming. But now ive learned that all of the guys are just going to my ex’s house instead meaning ive had to cancel the night in mine because all the guys have pulled out for his! Why do this when he said he was coming? Then when speaking to him today he was being really wierd again and acting like he wasnt bothered and basically like last night didnt even happen!

My head is completely messed up now. Im so confused. I havenf argued with him about anything and just ended the conversation because he was being so dry.

How has he gone from last night to today.

What is going on in his mind?
and
What should i do?

Please answer these two questions. I have SO much faith in your work. It totally works but I’m so confused as to what has happened here. Thanks for your time.

admin

May 20, 2014 at 5:39 pm

The issue confuses me. Could you explain it better for me?
Jemma

May 20, 2014 at 6:59 pm

I did No contact, it went well and he called and text numerous times and i stood my ground and only replied to the ones which regarded his belongings. We went a month without seeing each other(which is huge considering how every single one of our friends are mutual) during the time apart i changed my appearance and made positive changes in my life! He kept asking for a meet up, aparently for me to fix his ipad. I eventually agreed since i had done no contact. He came over to my house that evening with a friend(i expected him to come alone but the friend acted as an ice breaker since he was my friend also) the three of us(my ex, our friend and i) enjoyed each others company for a few hours and had fun! Eventually the friend left my house and my ex decided to stay a bit longer. When it was just us two the topic of conversation changed to all our good memories and we laughed the full time. He explained why he broke up with me and told me he found it so hard and basically said he regretted it. He kept complimenting my looks and said he missed speaking to me. He asked me to hug him because hes been desperate for a hug from me for so long and he held me so tight. When he went home that night he started messaging me saying things like “as soon as i seen you i wanted to kiss you” and “im so happy to be speaking to u again” he told me to text him the next day when he went to bed. I had arranged a party in my house for a few days later and invited him and all our friends. Initially he was going to change all the plans and have all the guys come to his house which means nobody would really come to mine? But everything worked out and the party in my house went ahead and he came.

Problem is, after all the flirting and him saying all those nice things so me when it was just me and him in my house a couple of days ago – he started to act like he didnt care again THE NEXT DAY. At my party, he didnt speak to me. But i caught him looking at me the entire night and got the impression he kept trying to make me jealous by talking about other girls with his guy friends. The next day after the party i said i was confused and would appreciate if we could meet up and talk things through because nothing really made sense. He said he would come up tuesday (tonight) and we could talk. Tonight came and he text me earlier saying he couldnt make it because he had to work late. He didnt offer to reschedule or apologise.

Im just left feeling confused by his behaviour. When we were on our own and even with our mutual friend last week (the night i fixed his ipad) things were amazing. I felt so happy with everything he said to me and i genuinely belive he meant it. He held me so tight and didnt want to leave that night! He kissed me like he did when we were happy together and we literally laughed the full time. So why has he confessed all of this and acted the way he did towards me to revert back to the “i dont care attitude” the next day and barely acknowladge me at the party and then cancel on me tonight?

Thanks hope this helped to explain a bit further.
Jemma

May 22, 2014 at 7:16 pm

Any idea on this? X

Gia

May 15, 2014 at 1:52 pm

And he contacted her that same day but hasn’t with me yet? Is it that he his just salvaging whichever girl he can?
Gia

May 15, 2014 at 1:17 pm

And regarding my last post wanted to add extra info for those that will help me and reply ..my and her relationship with him were both year and a half deals. Now in a month and a half he is moving to a different state for his fellowship.
Gia

May 15, 2014 at 1:08 pm

Does the no context rule work if he was juggling girls or had a relationship with one or more lasting just as long as yours and you caught him and told the other girl out of sympathy for her?

admin

May 15, 2014 at 2:25 pm

No contact rule can be effective but I think the question you have to ask yourself is why do you want a guy back who was juggling you?

jordyn

May 14, 2014 at 3:25 pm

My ex and I broke up in march, we talked almost everyday after the break up to talk about how we felt over one another and what happened with everything. Then a few days later ended up dating his ex again whom he has a child with. I was so heartbroken it threw me right into deep depression especially having things get worse and worse from that point on in my life. Family friends u name it and it took a bad turn on me. He knew about everything that went bad for me and i asked him to be there for me at one point but instead i got a text that read “sorry about what happened to u”. This all went on for a month which I did nothing but drink and smoke like no tomorrow. The last time I talked to him he told me ive acted crazy and he doesnt feel the same. So I stopped messaging him. About a week later my co workers were telling me they see him coming into the store a couple times with his baby. He lives in a different area. So I was confused on why he would come all the way out here just to pick up a couple things. After that I messaged him saying I forgive u with everything and im sorry for everything I did. He apologized as well. I would wait a few days to text him asking how he was doing and things were fine. Then out of the blue he asked if I was seeing someone. I told him I was. Then he stopped messaging me. Im now at day 5 of no contact. So my question is what does this all mean? Does he want me back or just want to keep me on some kind of leash?

jordyn

May 14, 2014 at 7:04 pm

The reason I say on a leash is because he can be stubborn and easily gets lonely. Hes that type of person that has to have someone there for him and only for him. And thats all ive done throughout our relationship and when the time came that I couldn’t be there becuase of work or anything like that, thats when he started seeing her. And I know they are not together anymore, he and I both knew how she was. When it came to both him and I hanging out with his friends or family he always acted neutral or on occasion showed his goofy side. But with just the two of us alone together I saw every side to him good bad and even the best and not a day went by where we couldn’t be ourselves around each other. He said thats what he loved most about me. And thats something she could never let him do. Just by who he is i know ill at least hear from him again but idk if its mainly if he gets tired of her for a while or if its because he actually misses me.
admin

May 15, 2014 at 2:16 pm

Oh, so he is the type of person that always has to be in a relationship?
jordyn

May 15, 2014 at 7:19 pm

Well not 100 percent but I know he likes feeling like hes someone to somebody and if they aren’t there all the time he gets to acting like they are abandoning him.

Hannah

May 12, 2014 at 10:45 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago out of the blue saying he no longer loved me and didn’t want to be with me, after 2 years togther. There were no signs that I picked up on, and if there were then I must have been completely blind. We even went on a trip with his parents on the week of the break up and everything was great. We had a great relationship, we made each other laugh, always had a good time together and apart from the odd five minutes of being moody with each other over something we never argued or fought. After we broke up I hassled him a couple of times that week asking him questions about why. He said he still liked me and he still cared but he doesn’t care as much as he used to. But I know with this behaviour I pushed him further away.

I am currently in day 15 of no contact but I’m worried that he won’t contact me as he isn’t very good at dealing with or communicating the way he is feeling and is naturally a very shy and under-confident person.

I have been going out with friends and enjoying myself and the other night I bumped into him at a club. My friends said I looked amazing. But when he spotted me, I caught him nudging his friend and pointing at me and saying something to his friend then proceed to completely ignore me. So naturally I ignored him. Does this mean he no longer has feelings for me? And if in the 30 day no contact he doesn’t get in touch is it really safe for me to make the first move? Thanks.

admin

May 13, 2014 at 4:49 pm

I am writing something about the signs of a breakup.It might be helpful to educate you a bit.
hanna

June 6, 2014 at 4:18 pm

I was in the exact same situation. Almost 2 weeks of NC but my sorority had a clubbing event with his fraternity and he kind of brushed me off at first. I eventually was able to say but he mentioned how I haven’t been replying to his texts. And at the club I saw him dance with a couple of girls and I felt so awkward. We have another party with them tomorrow night I don’t know what to do!

Christine

May 12, 2014 at 9:59 pm

Ok here’s my situation: My ex and I had dated for roughly two months (he’s a Junior and I’m a Senior) before he broke up with me. He was someone I was considering long distance with because I will be moving far out of state. We both have personal issues we have been dealing with and I just was diagnosed with depression and stress/anxiety which was taking a huge toll on our relationship. A week after he broke up with me we were supposed to talk and find some closure before I left to go to the beach and graduate. He backed out of it and caused me a lot of grief. Then after coming back from the beach and amidst graduation, we ran into each other outside. We talked for about 30 min, held hands and then he dropped me off at my dorm. I had previously deleted him on Facebook and Twitter a week prior cause it hurt too much. During out talk I said I was going to add him back and that it was childish of me to do so. He said we could slowly ease back into contact. I messaged him the next day apologizing for how things went and that I was glad we talked. He didn’t respond and has yet to add me back on Twitter or Facebook. I initiated the no contact on May 9 and plan to text him again on June 9. Do you think he is just taking his time with adding me back? It hurts to see him active on Facebook and commenting and posting on others walls. I’m hoping he didn’t just tell me all these things to make me feel better and then not follow through.

Louie

June 13, 2014 at 5:12 pm

What if you broke up on Ok terms….you are implementing the NC time and it is his birthday during the NC time.Is it not rude not to just say happy birthday.It now seventeen days since our last contact.It will be 5weeks on his birthday
Should I text him?I would recommend the NC time to all you ladies out there going through a break up.This man was my world….through the NC time I have learned so much….you take back your power….they never asked for it but when you take it back….you can use and share it not give it,share it m in a much healthier way.
Louie

June 24, 2014 at 4:57 pm

Still wondering if i should text him for his birthday?
admin

June 24, 2014 at 6:29 pm

If you are in the middle of NC then no.
admin

May 13, 2014 at 4:47 pm

Moving out of state for college?
Christine

May 12, 2014 at 10:05 pm

Also I heard through friends that he was very uncertain about his decision and he was worried about the long distance, and we never got the chance to discuss it. We had a horrible week of fighting and then he said he couldn’t keep having the same discussion over and over again. We never were able to fix the problem. It was right in the middle of finals and he kept saying he said that now was not the time for our relationship. When we worked, we worked and I want to know that our breakup wasn’t in vain or hasty. Do you think the NC will work for him?

kate

May 12, 2014 at 9:27 pm

My boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me two moths ago, we were living together and he had an engagment ring for me. We got in a stupid big fight and then later he ended it saying he didnt trust me and we cant be together. I ahd never done ANYTHING to make him not trust me, I was 100 percent loyal. Two weeks later he asked to come back saying he still loved me. Then another month later after weird distant behaviour on his part he broke up with me and got his own place. I did all the wrong things for a few days, crying hysterically, begging him to come over for mothers day, which he did but said he felt like i had guilted him into it and we shouldnt be talking like we are still together. He was still saying i love you.
I am such a hysterical mess. I cry every day multpilew times. I am so lonely, I cant sleep or eat, I love him so much and want him back so bad. I wanted to marry him and was expecting him to propose any day. I got needy and clingy as I felt him pull away.
Last night when he came over I acted happy and we talked a lot about stuff and plans that we had both made, we both had all of may off and were going to go on all these trips and now he has trips planned with his friends. he saus there is no one else and wont be for a very long time. Do i ahve any chance to get him back? I am one day into no contact and i want to call him so much. Its making me cry that he has not contacted me. I am trying to be strong but Im a wreck, Will he come back to me?

admin

May 13, 2014 at 4:46 pm

Impossible to say for sure. Do you think he just got scared of the ultimate commitment, the possibility of marriage?

Clover

May 9, 2014 at 5:40 am

Hi Chris, I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago and 1 month later, he had a new girlfriend and asked to still be his normal friend. I was so upset and had terrible thoughs about myself. I even stupidly compared me and her. I texted and email him alot to say how much I love and want him back. He did not reply once. Then I found NC rule. I am on 10-day of rule and feeling much better. Yesterday, he texted asking how I am doing. I did not response. I’d like to ask is he just polite (because he wanted we are still friend) or is he missing me? Is there any chance for me and him back together? And what should I do now to get him back? (I will stick 30 days NC).

Looking forward to hearing from you. Thank you very much.

admin

May 9, 2014 at 3:43 pm

She could actually be a rebound.
Clover

May 14, 2014 at 8:18 am

Hmm, I dont think she is a rebound. He hasnt contact me any after that. They are now very happy together. I feel they may move to next stage – live together – soon. Dont know what to do 🙁

desiree

May 9, 2014 at 12:04 am

Hi Chris,

A guy ended things because he was afraid of commitment. I was really good with NC right after the break up. He liked something on my Facebook two days later, and I ended up running into him (we work on the same street) 4 days after that but we didn’t talk. He texted me immediately after and just said he was sorry he didn’t stop to chat, and I gave a brief reply and that was the end of conversation. It is his birthday in a week and I’m not sure if I should wish him a happy birthday. It will have been a month and a half since the break up. I feel like he had the chance to say something when he texted me the first time and didn’t. What do you think?

Thanks!

admin

May 9, 2014 at 3:36 pm

No happy birthday.

Have you done the 30 days straight of NC yet?
desiree

May 9, 2014 at 3:49 pm

Yes it has been just over 30 days since we ran into each other/ he texted and there has been nothing in that time.

Girl

May 8, 2014 at 6:27 pm

Hey, so I have a pretty weird situation…me and my boyfriend (or whatever we are right now) are in a long distant relationship. We have been fighting like everytime we would talk to each other. We continued to fight and I told him I was going to go down to see him so we can talk things out in person. He replied saying he wants a break and told me not to come. I begged him to not want this break and he called me to say I really dont want a break but I am tired of fighting. He called and left me a cute vm that night telling me he loves me, but I hated myself for ‘begging’ him to not take the break. So I let him know that i am going to give him all of May to realize what it is he wants and that I will leave him alone until he wants to realize things and that he can have his break. He did not respond for two days then he I got a missed call and a “i miss u” text two days later. I decided to not respond. I am so confused, but this is day 6 since i initiated NC. I keep hoping he’ll contact me, but IDK what is going on, should I have responded? Why did he text me ‘i miss u’ and then has not said anything or called for the past 4 days.

admin

May 9, 2014 at 3:22 pm

Before anything you should read my long distance guide.
Girl

May 8, 2014 at 6:29 pm

This is also his last week of school so I am sure he is busy with that, but reallly! so busy he cant text me just once?

NC NC NC

May 7, 2014 at 10:52 pm

Do you think that NC can work again even if I’ve failed the Nc maybe 3 times? Ive been in NC with him recently for two weeks now and he recently started to flirt with a girl on facebook and fluants it as she flirts woth him back. What should I do?! You haven’t replied to me a few times already so maybe you will respond to me now because even though i tell myself im trying to move on i still secretly want him back.

admin

May 8, 2014 at 4:30 pm

What was the longest you have ever lasted in it?

The two weeks right now?

Jemma

May 7, 2014 at 12:56 pm

Hey chris. Thought id give an update! Still going strong and currently on day 14 NC. So much has gone on and he’s text and called me every few days asking a different question! Problem is the questions have been relevant and i have had to respond to a few to avoid looking like a jerk. For example about his belongings and our holidays and things. Now he has asked if he can come over to use my laptop to fix his ipad(that i bought him) and then he could collect his things. I was originally just going to drop them off to him and be on my way. Is this his way of reaching out to me? Ive been constantly busy and taken ages to respond or not responding at all resulting in him texting again .. He has initiated contact EVERY time. So tonight is when i will see him. Ive made excellent changes including ones to my appearance so im hoping he finds me attractive when he sees me. Whats your advice on this situation. Is he on his way to wanting me back? Obviously i will not speak anything about the relationship and will stay cool when i see him. Thanks and i look forward to hearing from you.

admin

May 7, 2014 at 3:53 pm

I think its telling that he has inititated contact every single time.
Jemma

May 7, 2014 at 6:24 pm

I agree. BUT

After all his initiation of contact and trying to arrange a date with me to get his things and asking to come over and use my laptop and me being too busy – i eventually agree on a time that suits me. Then when that time comes he cancels last minute?! What is he doing? Is he trying to regain power? The conversation went like this:

Me: i have (my daughter) tonight so can you make your own way home? I can pick u up as long as its before 7.

Him: ill come up some other night 😀 x

Me: Cool. Ive loads of things on in the next few weeks so ill let you know when im not busy.

Him: cool x

Im confused. It has made me mad at him!! Why has he did all of these things then just cancel last minute after him being the one wanting it to happen in the first place! I will not contact him obviously. So we will only speak if he again initiates contact. Which im sure he will because we still have to exchange belongings and he “needs to use my laptop”

Why has he done this chris?

Thanks for your time and i appreciate the responses – you’re amazing.
admin

May 8, 2014 at 4:23 pm

How often has he pulled this exact thing on you?

If he is doing it often then I would say that he is standing you up.
Jemma

May 8, 2014 at 6:50 pm

He used to cancel plans a lot in the last few weeks of our relationship. But since we have split up and i went NC this is the first time he has done this. Why is he doing it what is the point? Why do all the initiating if he is going to pull a stunt like that? What do you advise? Thanks.
admin

May 9, 2014 at 3:28 pm

Its probably a game on his part to regain control of the situation since he feels he has lost control a bit. Or he is just legitimately busy but something tells me thats not it.
Jemma

May 9, 2014 at 4:28 pm

3 missed calls and a text message today asking if i could possibly drop off his things tonight. After the opportunity to get them on wednesday! I say “ok”. And then he says, “ill just get them tomorrow” beginning to get annoyed now. Should i just drop his things off with a friend tonight and take the option of when out of his control? Or would this make me look bad. Thanks again!
admin

May 12, 2014 at 5:02 pm

I think that might be best right now.
Jemma

May 12, 2014 at 11:51 am

I dropped his things off at his place when he wasnt home unnanouced and took the option of when out of his control. Now he has no need to contact me either as everything has been returned! BUT his friends keep texting me telling me to invite him to a party im having this weekend. Should I since we said we would remain friends at the breakup? Also he has asked if he could come over to use my computer this week and ive to let him know a day. Should i agree to this and should i invite him to the party to be civil? Hmm. Strange considering he could probably use someone elses computer tho right? Thanks.

mimi

May 7, 2014 at 2:09 am

hi
I broke up with my boyfriend for almost one month now .. we were talking to each others even after the breakup as FRIENDS -_- I was’nt happy about that. So I decided to do the NC rule . I’ve been doing it for one week. he texted me 4 days ago asking about my news and what I’m going up to.. I didn’t respond of course and yesterday he left me a voice mail saying that he hadn’t get any news about me what’s wrong? and he asked me to call him.
I don’t know what to do? should I call him? or just ignore him? is he missing me? or maybe he’s just trying to be nice .. i’m so confused Please Help me 🙁

admin

May 7, 2014 at 3:40 pm

Probably missing you but you know what, stick to the no contact rule.

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