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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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The Ungettable Girl
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The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
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Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
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Post categories
Hannah
May 12, 2014 at 10:45 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago out of the blue saying he no longer loved me and didn’t want to be with me, after 2 years togther. There were no signs that I picked up on, and if there were then I must have been completely blind. We even went on a trip with his parents on the week of the break up and everything was great. We had a great relationship, we made each other laugh, always had a good time together and apart from the odd five minutes of being moody with each other over something we never argued or fought. After we broke up I hassled him a couple of times that week asking him questions about why. He said he still liked me and he still cared but he doesn’t care as much as he used to. But I know with this behaviour I pushed him further away.
I am currently in day 15 of no contact but I’m worried that he won’t contact me as he isn’t very good at dealing with or communicating the way he is feeling and is naturally a very shy and under-confident person.
I have been going out with friends and enjoying myself and the other night I bumped into him at a club. My friends said I looked amazing. But when he spotted me, I caught him nudging his friend and pointing at me and saying something to his friend then proceed to completely ignore me. So naturally I ignored him. Does this mean he no longer has feelings for me? And if in the 30 day no contact he doesn’t get in touch is it really safe for me to make the first move? Thanks.
admin
May 13, 2014 at 4:49 pm
I am writing something about the signs of a breakup.It might be helpful to educate you a bit.
hanna
June 6, 2014 at 4:18 pm
I was in the exact same situation. Almost 2 weeks of NC but my sorority had a clubbing event with his fraternity and he kind of brushed me off at first. I eventually was able to say but he mentioned how I haven’t been replying to his texts. And at the club I saw him dance with a couple of girls and I felt so awkward. We have another party with them tomorrow night I don’t know what to do!
Christine
May 12, 2014 at 9:59 pm
Ok here’s my situation: My ex and I had dated for roughly two months (he’s a Junior and I’m a Senior) before he broke up with me. He was someone I was considering long distance with because I will be moving far out of state. We both have personal issues we have been dealing with and I just was diagnosed with depression and stress/anxiety which was taking a huge toll on our relationship. A week after he broke up with me we were supposed to talk and find some closure before I left to go to the beach and graduate. He backed out of it and caused me a lot of grief. Then after coming back from the beach and amidst graduation, we ran into each other outside. We talked for about 30 min, held hands and then he dropped me off at my dorm. I had previously deleted him on Facebook and Twitter a week prior cause it hurt too much. During out talk I said I was going to add him back and that it was childish of me to do so. He said we could slowly ease back into contact. I messaged him the next day apologizing for how things went and that I was glad we talked. He didn’t respond and has yet to add me back on Twitter or Facebook. I initiated the no contact on May 9 and plan to text him again on June 9. Do you think he is just taking his time with adding me back? It hurts to see him active on Facebook and commenting and posting on others walls. I’m hoping he didn’t just tell me all these things to make me feel better and then not follow through.
Louie
June 13, 2014 at 5:12 pm
What if you broke up on Ok terms….you are implementing the NC time and it is his birthday during the NC time.Is it not rude not to just say happy birthday.It now seventeen days since our last contact.It will be 5weeks on his birthday
Should I text him?I would recommend the NC time to all you ladies out there going through a break up.This man was my world….through the NC time I have learned so much….you take back your power….they never asked for it but when you take it back….you can use and share it not give it,share it m in a much healthier way.
Louie
June 24, 2014 at 4:57 pm
Still wondering if i should text him for his birthday?
admin
June 24, 2014 at 6:29 pm
If you are in the middle of NC then no.
admin
May 13, 2014 at 4:47 pm
Moving out of state for college?
Christine
May 12, 2014 at 10:05 pm
Also I heard through friends that he was very uncertain about his decision and he was worried about the long distance, and we never got the chance to discuss it. We had a horrible week of fighting and then he said he couldn’t keep having the same discussion over and over again. We never were able to fix the problem. It was right in the middle of finals and he kept saying he said that now was not the time for our relationship. When we worked, we worked and I want to know that our breakup wasn’t in vain or hasty. Do you think the NC will work for him?
kate
May 12, 2014 at 9:27 pm
My boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me two moths ago, we were living together and he had an engagment ring for me. We got in a stupid big fight and then later he ended it saying he didnt trust me and we cant be together. I ahd never done ANYTHING to make him not trust me, I was 100 percent loyal. Two weeks later he asked to come back saying he still loved me. Then another month later after weird distant behaviour on his part he broke up with me and got his own place. I did all the wrong things for a few days, crying hysterically, begging him to come over for mothers day, which he did but said he felt like i had guilted him into it and we shouldnt be talking like we are still together. He was still saying i love you.
I am such a hysterical mess. I cry every day multpilew times. I am so lonely, I cant sleep or eat, I love him so much and want him back so bad. I wanted to marry him and was expecting him to propose any day. I got needy and clingy as I felt him pull away.
Last night when he came over I acted happy and we talked a lot about stuff and plans that we had both made, we both had all of may off and were going to go on all these trips and now he has trips planned with his friends. he saus there is no one else and wont be for a very long time. Do i ahve any chance to get him back? I am one day into no contact and i want to call him so much. Its making me cry that he has not contacted me. I am trying to be strong but Im a wreck, Will he come back to me?
admin
May 13, 2014 at 4:46 pm
Impossible to say for sure. Do you think he just got scared of the ultimate commitment, the possibility of marriage?
Clover
May 9, 2014 at 5:40 am
Hi Chris, I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago and 1 month later, he had a new girlfriend and asked to still be his normal friend. I was so upset and had terrible thoughs about myself. I even stupidly compared me and her. I texted and email him alot to say how much I love and want him back. He did not reply once. Then I found NC rule. I am on 10-day of rule and feeling much better. Yesterday, he texted asking how I am doing. I did not response. I’d like to ask is he just polite (because he wanted we are still friend) or is he missing me? Is there any chance for me and him back together? And what should I do now to get him back? (I will stick 30 days NC).
Looking forward to hearing from you. Thank you very much.
admin
May 9, 2014 at 3:43 pm
She could actually be a rebound.
Clover
May 14, 2014 at 8:18 am
Hmm, I dont think she is a rebound. He hasnt contact me any after that. They are now very happy together. I feel they may move to next stage – live together – soon. Dont know what to do 🙁
desiree
May 9, 2014 at 12:04 am
Hi Chris,
A guy ended things because he was afraid of commitment. I was really good with NC right after the break up. He liked something on my Facebook two days later, and I ended up running into him (we work on the same street) 4 days after that but we didn’t talk. He texted me immediately after and just said he was sorry he didn’t stop to chat, and I gave a brief reply and that was the end of conversation. It is his birthday in a week and I’m not sure if I should wish him a happy birthday. It will have been a month and a half since the break up. I feel like he had the chance to say something when he texted me the first time and didn’t. What do you think?
Thanks!
admin
May 9, 2014 at 3:36 pm
No happy birthday.
Have you done the 30 days straight of NC yet?
desiree
May 9, 2014 at 3:49 pm
Yes it has been just over 30 days since we ran into each other/ he texted and there has been nothing in that time.
Girl
May 8, 2014 at 6:27 pm
Hey, so I have a pretty weird situation…me and my boyfriend (or whatever we are right now) are in a long distant relationship. We have been fighting like everytime we would talk to each other. We continued to fight and I told him I was going to go down to see him so we can talk things out in person. He replied saying he wants a break and told me not to come. I begged him to not want this break and he called me to say I really dont want a break but I am tired of fighting. He called and left me a cute vm that night telling me he loves me, but I hated myself for ‘begging’ him to not take the break. So I let him know that i am going to give him all of May to realize what it is he wants and that I will leave him alone until he wants to realize things and that he can have his break. He did not respond for two days then he I got a missed call and a “i miss u” text two days later. I decided to not respond. I am so confused, but this is day 6 since i initiated NC. I keep hoping he’ll contact me, but IDK what is going on, should I have responded? Why did he text me ‘i miss u’ and then has not said anything or called for the past 4 days.
admin
May 9, 2014 at 3:22 pm
Before anything you should read my long distance guide.
Girl
May 8, 2014 at 6:29 pm
This is also his last week of school so I am sure he is busy with that, but reallly! so busy he cant text me just once?
NC NC NC
May 7, 2014 at 10:52 pm
Do you think that NC can work again even if I’ve failed the Nc maybe 3 times? Ive been in NC with him recently for two weeks now and he recently started to flirt with a girl on facebook and fluants it as she flirts woth him back. What should I do?! You haven’t replied to me a few times already so maybe you will respond to me now because even though i tell myself im trying to move on i still secretly want him back.
admin
May 8, 2014 at 4:30 pm
What was the longest you have ever lasted in it?
The two weeks right now?
Jemma
May 7, 2014 at 12:56 pm
Hey chris. Thought id give an update! Still going strong and currently on day 14 NC. So much has gone on and he’s text and called me every few days asking a different question! Problem is the questions have been relevant and i have had to respond to a few to avoid looking like a jerk. For example about his belongings and our holidays and things. Now he has asked if he can come over to use my laptop to fix his ipad(that i bought him) and then he could collect his things. I was originally just going to drop them off to him and be on my way. Is this his way of reaching out to me? Ive been constantly busy and taken ages to respond or not responding at all resulting in him texting again .. He has initiated contact EVERY time. So tonight is when i will see him. Ive made excellent changes including ones to my appearance so im hoping he finds me attractive when he sees me. Whats your advice on this situation. Is he on his way to wanting me back? Obviously i will not speak anything about the relationship and will stay cool when i see him. Thanks and i look forward to hearing from you.
admin
May 7, 2014 at 3:53 pm
I think its telling that he has inititated contact every single time.
Jemma
May 7, 2014 at 6:24 pm
I agree. BUT
After all his initiation of contact and trying to arrange a date with me to get his things and asking to come over and use my laptop and me being too busy – i eventually agree on a time that suits me. Then when that time comes he cancels last minute?! What is he doing? Is he trying to regain power? The conversation went like this:
Me: i have (my daughter) tonight so can you make your own way home? I can pick u up as long as its before 7.
Him: ill come up some other night 😀 x
Me: Cool. Ive loads of things on in the next few weeks so ill let you know when im not busy.
Him: cool x
Im confused. It has made me mad at him!! Why has he did all of these things then just cancel last minute after him being the one wanting it to happen in the first place! I will not contact him obviously. So we will only speak if he again initiates contact. Which im sure he will because we still have to exchange belongings and he “needs to use my laptop”
Why has he done this chris?
Thanks for your time and i appreciate the responses – you’re amazing.
admin
May 8, 2014 at 4:23 pm
How often has he pulled this exact thing on you?
If he is doing it often then I would say that he is standing you up.
Jemma
May 8, 2014 at 6:50 pm
He used to cancel plans a lot in the last few weeks of our relationship. But since we have split up and i went NC this is the first time he has done this. Why is he doing it what is the point? Why do all the initiating if he is going to pull a stunt like that? What do you advise? Thanks.
admin
May 9, 2014 at 3:28 pm
Its probably a game on his part to regain control of the situation since he feels he has lost control a bit. Or he is just legitimately busy but something tells me thats not it.
Jemma
May 9, 2014 at 4:28 pm
3 missed calls and a text message today asking if i could possibly drop off his things tonight. After the opportunity to get them on wednesday! I say “ok”. And then he says, “ill just get them tomorrow” beginning to get annoyed now. Should i just drop his things off with a friend tonight and take the option of when out of his control? Or would this make me look bad. Thanks again!
admin
May 12, 2014 at 5:02 pm
I think that might be best right now.
Jemma
May 12, 2014 at 11:51 am
I dropped his things off at his place when he wasnt home unnanouced and took the option of when out of his control. Now he has no need to contact me either as everything has been returned! BUT his friends keep texting me telling me to invite him to a party im having this weekend. Should I since we said we would remain friends at the breakup? Also he has asked if he could come over to use my computer this week and ive to let him know a day. Should i agree to this and should i invite him to the party to be civil? Hmm. Strange considering he could probably use someone elses computer tho right? Thanks.
mimi
May 7, 2014 at 2:09 am
hi
I broke up with my boyfriend for almost one month now .. we were talking to each others even after the breakup as FRIENDS -_- I was’nt happy about that. So I decided to do the NC rule . I’ve been doing it for one week. he texted me 4 days ago asking about my news and what I’m going up to.. I didn’t respond of course and yesterday he left me a voice mail saying that he hadn’t get any news about me what’s wrong? and he asked me to call him.
I don’t know what to do? should I call him? or just ignore him? is he missing me? or maybe he’s just trying to be nice .. i’m so confused Please Help me 🙁
admin
May 7, 2014 at 3:40 pm
Probably missing you but you know what, stick to the no contact rule.
brittany
May 6, 2014 at 2:01 pm
Hey my ex and I were together for a little while and then he broke up with me for his ex gf because he had seen her n it brought back feelings..that I had done nothing wrong…well we broke up anyways, hadn’t txtd for a while then he texts me saying so do u hate me..well me wanting to talk to him, I text him back…we talk for hours..he says he’s sorry that he just needed to see where things cud go with her, he’s known her for 10 years n me only a year…n just on n on..well everything will go good then stuff gets brought up n we argue..he says that he found out she hadn’t changed n wanted to get back with me..but he put me through a test n I failed..therefore he couldn’t trust me… (I never cheated n never would) so he usually texts me with stuff thats rlly bothering him…n we end up talking for hours..we are friends stuff, but he’s so confusing…he will sit there n say because that happened we can’t be together, yet still wanna tell me deep thought out things, n we hang out with the same group of friends…so its hard not to talk or see each other….anywho, the other night I was at our friends house n decided to leave with someone else (he wasn’t there) so he texts me and asks me where I was, then again saying fine ignore me, then facebooks me saying something, then once again saying hello Britt? Well I ignored him that whole night, in the morning I find out he texts my best friend asking where I was n what I was doing…she didn’t tell him…so I texted him in the morning n we started talking..again him asking all the same questions, but now it starts turning into an argument…n then I say I dk it hurts, and he’s like ya it does n I just dk what to do…but still In the same breathe sits there n says he can’t be with me BC I messed up one time..(we weren’t even together)..i dont know I’m soo confused right now..i dk what he’s trying to prove but, he said when he was texting me he wanted to talk to me bout something but that wasn’t important anymore n refused to tell me… (guilt trip?) we talked for a while last night..and we will be deep in convo, n then I tell him I’m heading to bed n all I get is yep night..now I haven’t talked to him again yet..im just confused on this whole situation n really need some help…im sorry its long and probably a little confusing, but maybe you’ll get a little glimpse on my confusion…please please please let me know.
Sophie
May 2, 2014 at 9:34 pm
Ladies!! Believe me wen I say Chris knows what he’s talking about NC is the BESTTTTTT thing you can do. I was an emotional wreck when I first came on here and Chris told me to go NC but not for te sake of getting my ex back…to help ME! which is the most important thing. No my ex has not contacted me and it has been nearly 30 days…but I can honestly say as each day goes by it DOES get easier. Yes I still have bad days and I’d still want him to talk to me but if he thinks for one second I’m going to contact him first he has another things coming!! I was in bits for weeks and weeks I never ate for a week and now I look back and think WHY he was perfectly fine and happy to break up with me after telling me I was the best girlfriend he ever had and told me ‘icant say I won’t eventually want you back’ well no I am nobodies back up plan and thanks to Chris and me reading nearly every page of this website it made me realise whether you et your ex back or not YOU will be the stronger one Chris is right when he says after NC your ex will either contact you or you will realise you don’t even want them back! I even went on a date last night which also made me realise the only person that can make you happy is yourself
Yeah I’m still waiting for a call or text off my ex but I’m not waiting around for it I’m getting on with my life and you all should do NOT break no contact!! Find the will power and as Beyoncé says…who runs the world?…GIRLS
Thank you Chris!!
brittany
May 7, 2014 at 2:11 am
Posts like this give me hope…i just hope I can be strong n figure my situation out like you have..congrats and hope all stays well..
Sophie
May 7, 2014 at 4:19 pm
You will!! Chris can only do 50% for you the other 50 is you putting everything into action I was seriously a state and cried my eyes out for weeks and weeks and now I can’t believe how I feel but it’s because I believed in myself and built myself back up! Keep strong 🙂
admin
May 8, 2014 at 4:20 pm
Spot on!
admin
May 7, 2014 at 3:40 pm
Amen!
admin
May 6, 2014 at 6:49 pm
Yay Sophie!!!
Love comments like this.
Sophie
May 7, 2014 at 1:03 pm
You kicked me up the backside and made me realise so much!! I tried the text types you suggested…I sent him one yesterday not because I want him back but because I genuinely am happy so I wasn’t bothered if I got a reply or not…and as usual I was nice to him…and got no reply and it only makes me realise even more how much I’m better off without him! He honestly cares about nobody but himself and I don’t need a guy like that in my life good riddance!
admin
May 7, 2014 at 3:52 pm
Atta girl!!
Im happy for you!
Sophie
May 7, 2014 at 4:17 pm
Ohhhhhhhh Chris guess who text me back 😉
admin
May 8, 2014 at 4:17 pm
I am going to take a wild guess and say your ex boyfriend?
Sophie
May 8, 2014 at 6:00 pm
Yes :O your a genius :O haha! He replied to the text type you suggested and I replied but kind of ending the conversation so it’s up to him now, think it’s best I just don’t text again and just carry on doing what I am?
admin
May 9, 2014 at 3:20 pm
Text him again tomorrow… try to go farther in the conversation.
Sophie
May 10, 2014 at 5:22 pm
So I thought I’d update the situation…I needed to pass on some money to his sister as I have sponsored her for a charity event and as I said on a older post last month he works opposite me so today I felt brave and just thought ‘fuck it!’ Every second saturday they open a bar up outside in the market and I saw him there so I went up to him and said ‘hey can you give this to your sister please’ and he looked up and took the envelope but looked back down and he went ‘oh er yeah ok cool sure’ but kept his head down and wouldn’t look at me then he looked up and I just smiled and went ‘see ya :)’ and walked off and he said bye…he never smiled or anything and kept his head down…do you think it’s because he jut doesn’t care anymore or think he feels guilty still? I’m glad I did it though it’s got it off my cheat and he can see I’m smiling and I also changed my hair which a lot of people have said looks awesome so I felt great going up to him…he however looks the same
Sophie
May 10, 2014 at 7:16 pm
I decided to text him to see if me seeing him today would make him text back…he text back in half an hour…this is how it went…
Me: Miss you x
Him: sorry about today. just really shocked to see you x
Me: it’s ok didn’t think you looked to happy to see me so that’s why I didn’t stay and chat lol hope your okay 🙂 x
Him: jist shocker lol. i hope your ok and uni going ok x i appreciate how awesome you have been about everything
Me: Yeah unis fine I finish on monday 🙂 it’s gone fast…guess what got my theory in two weeks…proud? 😉 bet il fail haha hows work going? and it’s ok x btw hope your grandads ok x
Him: woow that has gone fast. lol about time. works busy and full on as always. thanks. hope everyfin goes ok with u and hospital x
Me: Yeah really fast lol aw just make the most of your days off. Had my MRI scan yesterday was horrible felt like I was strapped in a coffin for half an hour lol and start physio next month 🙂 anyway I best get revising for my last exam on Monday, hope to talk to you again soon 🙂 x
Kimberly
April 29, 2014 at 7:45 pm
Ok so I did the whole no contact but went a head and contacted him early..well it didn’t go so well..so I waited…contacted him again nothing…..so waited…so then a few days later I sent him something very heart felt…and he said he was happy I was doing good..and he forgave me..but he didn’t want to be friends and wr needed to move on..so ai said ok and waited then I sent him a joke and.he started.taljing..he was saying things that I normally would get upset over and start a fight..but I didnt and I brushed it off and kept textincg happy stuff..when he realized I.actually changed he started joking with me then we texted all day yesterday like nothing was wrong..both being our old selves! (During the whole no.contact his mom and I talked a lot! And he began to have a good relationship) well I asked her a question..and then she asked if Brandon and I have been talking. I told her kinda not really except today we really talked and it was really nice..She said Im glad you two talked with out all the arguing thats nice to be able to do that. Is this a good sign?
CT
April 29, 2014 at 2:49 pm
After initiating NC for a week, my ex deleted whatsapp (the primary medium which we talk to one another). Is this a bad sign?
Lauren
April 30, 2014 at 8:57 am
He probably deleted it because he’s constantly checking whether you’re online or not!
cathrene
April 29, 2014 at 10:37 am
Hey my boyfriend just broke up with me 4 days ago… I haven’t contacted him either… He never had time for me n kept promising me he’ll change but never did for 9 months… I kept adjusting for him from the start of this relationship till the end… I started forgetting myself n only thinking about how to spend time with him in his busy life…. He would make excuses to even meet me once a week and chat with me one hour a day… N finally after all my adjustment n sacrifices he breaks up with me saying that he can’t take the fighting anymore and it’s better we break up.., specially it’s better for you … So my question is after 30 days suppose the NC rule works n he starts contacting me… But will he want to date me again? Or will he just want to remain frnz… N what do I do if that happens?
cathrene
May 14, 2014 at 9:02 pm
Can I please get a reply…. Been waiting for a long time
admin
May 15, 2014 at 2:16 pm
I can’t guarantee that he will want to date you again, no one can but I can tell you that NC is only half the battle. What you do after NC is just as important.
Lisa
April 29, 2014 at 1:35 am
Did the NC for a month straight, he didn’t reach out. He signs online and says nothing, I guess the fact he hasn’t blocked me shows he’s interested in talking? Also, I don’t wanna make the first move, I know you said I should but I always did the first move before and I think it’s up to him now. He signs online and he hates social media so I guess he’s there for me? Anyway thanks for your help. Any idea how I should proceed?
admin
April 30, 2014 at 1:10 am
I think you should make the first move. I talk about that in some of my later guides.
Bebesgal
April 29, 2014 at 12:52 am
Chris,
My ex and I broke up three weeks ago. We only dated for only five months, but it was clear that he wasn’t ready to fully commit as he was still dealing with the demise of his 13 year marriage. Divorced for a year, separated for another. I ended it because I am looking for something more. I’ve never been married or have children. So we are at two different paths. When we broke up, it was the friendliest and nicest break-up possible – it was hard to let go for both of us. Anyway, I told him that he could not contact me as I need time to sort out of my feelings, and having him around would prolong my getting over him. He was hurt by my request – but we went our separate ways. Needless to say, he is still occupying my head and heart. I’m missing him and having a hard time moving on, but I’m looking ahead. However, a week ago I received a note from him. He brought up the fact that he knew he isn’t suppose to contact me, but wanted to reach out and say hello. I responded politely and told him thanks and hope he was doing well. Anyway, he proceeded to want the conversation going. At one point, he told me that he missed seeing my name on his phone and that he believes I’m one of a kind. I jokingly said it was because my name is awesome. I do have a unique name. If I hadn’t stopped the conversation by saying goodnight, he would have kept going. That was a week ago. Ever since than, I have been constantly checking my phone, wondering if he will reach out. And I am having a hard time holding back from reaching out to him. I guess I don’t know what category he falls under…I’m not sure getting back together is in our future, but I miss him terribly. I feel bad imposing the no contact rule because he is such a wonderful guy and the break-up wasn’t dramatic. But I feel that it is what I need to move on. Am I still doing the right thing? Thank you for reading.
admin
April 30, 2014 at 1:10 am
The ultimate decision is up to you but I think you should give it a try.
Lauren
April 29, 2014 at 12:50 am
Hi Chris,
My boyfriend and I broke up last week after he got really drunk and just finished it with no real reason just he “couldn’t do it anymore”. I thought he might have just been drunk, but the next day I called him and he basically said he thought we were done. I said I’d call up to him later that night to talk. Before I did I text asking him for a straight answer we’re we finished or not and he replied with one word “yes”. I didn’t go to his house, nor did I tell him I wasn’t.
He contacted me asking was I coming up, I ignored. He contacted me the next morning asking if i was ok, I ignored. He called later on that day, I ignored. The following day (which would have been two days after our break up) he text asking if i’d been calling him that morning. I hadn’t been so I simply replied saying no. Almost instantly I got a text back asking how I was, I replied saying I was working and couldn’t talk. Two nights after this, I called him, and bottled it, put my phone in my pocket and pretended I’d hit off it. I then called him back to say the same and the conversation was civil. He asked how I was I said fine, he said he wasn’t the best, then he said he was in his friends house and I just said I’d leave him to it.
So heading into 3rd day official NC. I need to know what he’s thinking. Will he ever get in touch? Have I played it right so far apart from my little phone call mishap?
Looking forward to your reply.
Lauren
April 29, 2014 at 8:48 am
Just to clarify, we have broken up before, last year. I chased him like a fool and it took him months before he decided he wanted to start things up again. I haven’t done that this time..
Iris
April 28, 2014 at 7:34 pm
Hi
I found out last week that my live-in partner of 5 years, has been seeing someone at work. I had suspected for a couple of weeks that things were not quite right and called his bluff about him pretending to go away to see family at the weekend, when he was actually going to stay at her house. I told him to leave, I am absolutely devastated. I spoke to him on the phone last week about what he had done to me, I got really mad, crying and getting hysterical, he was also crying but also he was saying that there were no fireworks any more and that this woman, who he claims to have just been seeing for 4 weeks, blew his mind. He only took a few clothes and laptop etc, there are lots of clothes and other items that belong to him here.
I told him that I didn’t want to see him just yet, which means he cant come to get his stuff, I also took his house key from him.
I have not contacted him for 6 days, the last contact was various emails about his belongings. I really want him back, but I am scared that he wont come back and will want to stay with this woman from his work. What advice to you give as regards contact?
admin
April 30, 2014 at 1:01 am
How old are you two?
And if you were together for 5 years what prevented you guys from taking the next step?
Iris
April 30, 2014 at 6:16 am
Hi, we are both 53. Both divorced and have been living together for 3 years, 2 years before that we had a long distance relationship. He has 5 grown up children, the are all beginning to move around the country to go to university etc. He has not moved to be near them, he only lives a few miles away from me with this new woman. I always thought that we would be together forever, given the move that he made to be here with me. I thought that we may have got married eventually, but that wasn’t important. He is quite an insecure person, needs a lot of reassurance. He said that we were getting old before our time and that he felt that all we were doing was waiting for retirement and getting settled into elderly life. He felt that there were no fireworks any more. He has known this woman for a number of months, but I do believe that he has only been seeing her for a few weeks. He claims to still love me, however, not in the same way as before. I know nothing about this other woman except that she works with him. She has obviously given him the attention that he felt he wasn’t getting at home. Last night I removed him from my friends list on Facebook, took me a while to press the delete key. He still has all his clothes and a lot of personal items here, including furniture. I did tell him last week to come and take it all away, but at the time, I couldn’t bear to see him, so told him to leave it for now as I didn’t want to see him right now. I don’t now know how to move forward and I am looking for some guidance. Miss him terribly and want him to come back. I know things were a bit staid, but we had a good relationship.
Iris
April 30, 2014 at 6:23 am
Apologies, I know that we will seem ‘old’ especially given a lot of comments and posts on this site. However, I am sure the same principles apply.
JoConfused
April 28, 2014 at 6:02 pm
I started dating my BF last March 2013. Things were almost too perfect. Very happy. We had broken up a couple times during the year we were together – always the same issue – his teen son. He felt that if he was not always around, not always spending time with him that he was being a bad father because he wanted to be with me.
My ex bf had a bad marriage – spouse cheated on him. She was also controlling and 3 years ago gave him full custody of their son. She is not in contact with either of them. BF was always worried that his son would ruin and be the result of ending our relationship. His teen son has always liked me and is normally being a regular teen — hanging out with his friends.
Ex-bf has a hard time dealing with stress and is not a good communicator. He lets things build up then explodes. He had some family issues arise with his younger brother, his work hours have increased tremendously (12-14 hour days) and his son always wants to be away and does not want to come to my house although he had in the past.
He had all these things going on and did not talk to me about it. Then just suddenly he said he wanted to break it off because of his son – he will never want to be a family. I was very upset because we had discussed this more than once. It’s been 2 1/2 weeks since our break up. We are still “FB friends” but do not contact each other at all. He is what you would call “stubborn NC”. I want to talk to him because I know that he has now calmed down and would be more able to talk. Should I even bother? We truly did love each other but he can’t get over his insecurity that his son will be hurt again.
admin
April 30, 2014 at 12:59 am
Did he ever feel like you were forcing him to be away from his son?
Monica
April 28, 2014 at 4:38 pm
my ex boyfriend left a week ago we were fighting about issues about our future and the fight dragged on for a week and wasn’t resolved. he said he was done but he didn’t ever pack up his things and I asked him a few times what was going on because he didn’t pack his things up. we argued that night and the next day he argued with me more and then left. he then texted me the next night and sad that he misses me and that he hopes I find relaxation and that he will never look at another woman like he looked at me and that it will take him a long time to let another woman in his life. I never texted back to this because I felt like he was saying another goodbye. he has some important things he left at my house. he texted me a couple days later and said that he needs to get them. I texted ok. its almost been a week since he sent that text. yesterday he texted me and asked if he left something at my house. I said yes. I haven’t bugged him haven’t called him. the only thing I did was not respond to his long text the day after he left. he hasn’t said when he will be getting his things so that is up in the air. what do I do? i don’t want the relationship to be over. any advice is much appreciated.
admin
April 30, 2014 at 12:57 am
Well, go into NC but you are allowed to break it to let him get his things.