The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,271 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Kelly

June 28, 2014 at 7:20 am

Reached out to him. He still wants nothing to do with me. Keeps saying he likes being by himself instead.
Hannah

June 27, 2014 at 6:02 am

Hey. Does the NC rule only work if you implement it immediately after break up? I completely wish I had but I hadn’t found this site. We are now 2 months down the line and a week ago had a deep ‘chat’ about us where he concluded he’s in love with me but still doesn’t seem to want to be with me. Is it now too late to enforce NC seeing as were already down to not talking everyday, will it not have effect? Thanks 🙂

admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:53 pm

I think it depends on how often you two have been talking after the breakup.
Hannah

June 29, 2014 at 7:08 pm

We spoke a lot but that was me being a text gnat a lot. We were in different countries, and now we are in the same country and have seen each other several times, each time he’s been like I’m completely in love with you and I’m an idiot for what I’ve done, but then doesn’t act on it. He doesn’t seem to want to be back with me even though his words say he does… He has text me every couple of days since I’ve been here (have been here for 3 weeks) and I was replying but for the last 10 days I have now just completely ignored him. Should I move on to the first text quicker than 30 days? I’m tempted to see if he wants to go for dinner. But don’t want to push him away more by him thinking he just has me, trying to make him realise he’s lost me…???
admin

June 30, 2014 at 2:32 pm

Only if he has been contacting you a lot during NC can you do that.
Hannah

July 1, 2014 at 2:32 am

Ok. So I’ve done 12 days NC and then today I bumped into him and he was so overly nice to me, said ‘thanks for ignoring my text the other day’… But apparently he is coming to hang out with our mutual friends tomorrow… What do I do? Just act nice and let him see what he’s missing? The NC thing is not so easy when you live in the same building after living in separate countries for years!

Unqiue

June 27, 2014 at 1:00 am

Hi!
Me an my ex been together for 5years on in off, he called it off between us to two years on ago, because of me not loving him like he loved me, but I really did love him I just didn’t know how to lovehim, so sense all that happen we still reach out to one another every now in then.
In he also said he didn’t feel the same way about me,that’s when he called it off between us two years ago. But when he came to see me before we did exchange kisses on the lips, that was likes some months ago. I want him back into my life as my boyfriend. I want to know can I do NC with him, to make him miss me. In I want to know what does it mean when I always text him, but he. never text me first, but he always respond when I text him though.in I’m scared to let him know that I still have feelings for him. What should I do??

admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:49 pm

What did he mean that he loved you more than you loved him???

Ash

June 26, 2014 at 10:42 pm

Hi, I started the no contact rule three weeks ago. I didn’t talk to him after the break up except exactly one week after starting I went to his place, got my things and told him I knew he was doing his own thing and hanging out with other girls and that I was going to do the same. The reason why I told him was that he has always made it clear that after a breakup, neither of us should go out with other people for a few months. He was upset that I had done that when we broke up for two months earlier this year. I did no contact for two months at that time. Anyways at his house,He defended himself saying that the girls were talking to him and he wasnt talking to them back and told me this time breaking up is different and that we aren’t getting back together. This breakup happened because of no reason I am sure of. I didn’t cheat, I was a good girlfriend but we faught a lot. he became my daughters father figure, called himself daddy three days before breaking up with me. When I got to his house I was all dressed up ready to go out. He was jealous by looking at me. Once I left, he texted me saying “I’ll see you soon” I responded by saying “its funny you think that”. Have not heard from him or talked to him in two weeks. What do I do now ? I have a feeling he has been thinking about me because his best friend was following me yesterday when I was driving around. (A little creepy). But I can’t stop thinking about him. He broke up with me over the phone and said he can’t do it because we fight too much, he is going to be working and we won’t have time to see each other and because he can’t give me what I want and also because I would just be starting a job and won’t have a lot of time to see him. (I don’t know if he’s upset that I got a job at a bar) The real reason is because he wants to drink all the time with his buddies. When he started drinking and blowing me off for his friends is when our problems started. He also said he doesn’t love me anymore when he broke up with me. I find it hard to believe because a week before breaking up with me he told me never to leave him and that he wants to marry me. Please help me! I’m so confused.

admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:39 pm

He seems just as confused about his feelings as you do hahaha.
Ash

June 26, 2014 at 11:14 pm

There is also two pictures of us still on his Instagram from when we were together. He deleted all of them but those two. Does this mean anything? Please tell me how much longer of no contact I should do and if I should wait even longer for him to talk to me first. Especially since he said he doesn’t love me :/, help please I’m so sick of being sad
admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:40 pm

They may hold sentimental value or he may have forgot them…

Andie

June 26, 2014 at 6:53 pm

my boyfriend has broken up with me 3 days ago, Everything was perfect I was having interviews and we were moving in together and all of a sudden he said something has been missing the last two weeks and he can’t create something that isn’t there, he loves me with all his heart wants to stay friends and not only did I tick all the boxes I nailed them so I just don’t understand, although i have full contraception we had abit of a pregnancy scare a few weeks ago and although obviously I’m not pregnancy it’s made him think into the future to quickly and apparently he can’t see us working as a couple, I have implemented the NC rule and now on my 2nd day the one yesterday said “I doubt either of us got much sleep… I’m so sorry…. Thinking of you xxx” and the one today was my name and a sad face. I love him more than I have anyone and I truely believe we are meant to be together but I don’t know if there is any hope in getting him back as he is the kind of person that once he has made his mind up he sticks to it and that scares me. I don’t know what to do please help me

admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:32 pm

Wait, he just broke up with you b/c something has been missing?

The commitment probably scared him and thats a shame..
Andie

June 29, 2014 at 9:22 pm

He was fully up for moving in together and he’d talked about our future before, what can I do to get him back?
admin

June 30, 2014 at 2:33 pm

Why the sudden 180?

Kelly

June 26, 2014 at 7:25 am

Today was my last day NC and I haven’t heard from him once. 14 months together (as mentioned in other comments) and after 30 days not anything. Cant say im suprised. Since he has me blocked on everything and 30 days are up I should give up right?

admin

June 26, 2014 at 3:36 pm

No.. reacoh out to him… Did you read this guide at all? Sometimes YOU have to be the one to reach out.
Kelly

June 26, 2014 at 8:51 pm

I cant reach out because he still has me 100% blocked on everything. If he wanted to hear from me he would unblock me right?
admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:35 pm

Most likely yes.

You read my page on blocking correct?

sue

June 26, 2014 at 12:27 am

what does it mean when the guy wanted to stay friends and still wanted to hang out …im hitting 30 days tomorrow and nothing yet!!! but tried to reach me thru a friend i didnt give into that the 1st week!

admin

June 26, 2014 at 3:29 pm

I would say its more of a good sign than bad.
sue

June 26, 2014 at 10:11 pm

thats what i thought to but today is 30 days and nothing ….should i wait a little longer?
sue

July 1, 2014 at 4:32 am

Hi well 34 days and he came to where he knew i was tonight …the no contact works ..its a start def not where i want it but he came to me !!!! will see what happens ill update soon! but what to do now do you start texting a little or wait again?
sue

June 30, 2014 at 7:00 am

Hi well 34 days and he came to where he knew i was tonight …the no contact works ..its a start def not where i want it but he came to me !!!! will see what happens ill update soon!
admin

June 30, 2014 at 3:03 pm

Thats great! Keep us updated!
admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:38 pm

No, I would go ahead and reach out.
sue

June 26, 2014 at 12:29 am

i meant to say that was the 1st week of no contact that he went thru 2 friends actually

anna

June 25, 2014 at 8:30 pm

Dear Chris,

My husband of 11 years left me 3 weeks ago our relationship was never perfect though I stood by him even after he had physically abused me..he came home one night itching for a fight and he got angry broke a bunch of things in the house and left to a friends he came back to get his stuff and told me it was over I am devastated I love him still after everything most of his anger comes from him drinking. .he at first didn’t want to talk to me call me nothing absolutely nothing I got a call from him 2 weeks after he did this telling me that he has started seeing a girl who I thought was my friend and laughed about it and is going on with his life like everything is great..I stopped taking his calls and now he is asking others to call me and some good friends who have been by my side if I am ok he is worried about me and are they sure and how do they k ow..but yet calls me and leaves a rude message and angry message that he will turn off my phone if I don’t call him back about the truck knowing I can call the loan company myself what should I do?

Empty

admin

June 26, 2014 at 3:23 pm

Did you read my article on husbands?

Maryanne

June 25, 2014 at 1:25 am

Does the NC rule work for a “stubborn guy”?

admin

June 25, 2014 at 5:16 pm

It absolutely can… but sometimes you will have to have to make the first approach as I said in the article.

Alyson

June 24, 2014 at 10:27 pm

Hey.

My bf and I broke up 6 weeks ago.
we had one year relationship and we fought alot. Im past my 30 day no contact and still nothing from him. He has blocked me in every way. Clearly he doesn’t miss me at all. How I approach this?

admin

June 25, 2014 at 5:15 pm

You fought a lot?

About what?
Alyson

June 25, 2014 at 7:58 pm

We fought about him not spending enough time with me,I get jealous easily, him choosin his career and stuff over me. What do I do to get him back when nc is over?

Kelly

June 23, 2014 at 7:45 pm

Does the no contact rule apply to his family too? His dad has been a great support to me during the relationship and after also. I have recieved two texts from him during NC asking how I am but havent replied incase he will pass info onto my ex. Im on day 28 no direct contact from ex.

admin

June 24, 2014 at 6:43 pm

No just him.
Kelly

June 25, 2014 at 8:52 am

Tomorrow is my last day nc. Not one word from him.
its making me pretty pissed in all honesty. Maybe I should give up on him.

Ayla

June 23, 2014 at 3:15 pm

Me and my boyfriend broke up about a month ago after just over 2 years being together. He ended it with me, and I genuinely don’t know why. I cheated on him when we first got together, but he said that he’d forgiven me for that and that I hadn’t done anything else to emotionally hurt him since. Towards the last few months of our relationship, we argued… a lot. At least once a day, about the silliest things. I noticed that he started to change, his attitude towards me, his behaviour towards me, and he’d spend all time playing games on his phone. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, so I know that I could sometimes be boring, having to sleep all day and not being much fun to be around. After 3 years of having it, I feel like I’m finally getting over it. But every time I asked him if he wanted to go out, he’d say no and we’d end up just staying in doing nothing. He stopped being “romantic” towards me, he wouldn’t take me out or do little spontaneous things towards me, and I felt like I was just putting in more effort whilst he was lowering his effort. I do love him, and I want to be with him. I’m currently do the NC thing for 30 days. We broke up on good terms. He said that he still wanted to be friends with me, that he loved me but he just couldn’t be with me because of the arguments… this is where it confuses me. The reason we argue is because of him not being himself towards me. He’s cold, stubborn and just plain rude. He’s not the same person he was around 6 months ago. We’ve been having really good days out since we broke up, we still met up with each other, kissed, cuddled ect and we still spoke to each other all the time, as well as having the odd phone call. I want us to get back together, and I know that if the arguments were to stop, then he would too because he’s said that. But he just doesn’t understand that the reason we argue is because of the way he treats me. Will this NC rule change his attitude towards me? Sometimes he can be real sweet towards me, and other times he’s just nasty. I don’t need this guy in my life, I’ve lived without him once before and I’m sure I can do it again but the fact is, that I want to be with him. I know deep down that the way he is acting towards me at the moment, isn’t really him… that he’s doing it out anger because of the arguing. I admit, I used to treat him terribly. Like I said before, I did cheat on him with my ex about 3 weeks into our relationship, and I always took his love for granted. That was until about a year ago, that I realized I really loved this guy and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I told him that I’d understand if he wanted to end things with me, but he said that he wanted to be with me. That’s when things started going downhill, it’s like he’s doing this as his revenge on me, which is really immature. Karma right?! Well, no not really. I’ve spent the last year making it up to him as best I can. I can’t change the past, but I can change the future. I do really romantic things for him. I asked him if he trusts me 100% and he said that he does… I’m just so confused.

So yeah, I’m wondering… what the hell is happening?! Is he falling out of love with me? Is there any chance he can fall back in love with me? After the NC rule of 30 days, should I message him first? Should I ask to see him? or should I leave him to ask me? I really miss him and it’s not even been a day, so I know this is going to be really difficult. It was only yesterday that I saw him and we had a really good day, just having fun and being ourselves… (like I said, sometimes he can be so sweet & that’s the guy I’m in love with). I love that he can be stubborn sometimes, it’s not a bad thing, it’s who he is. But everything else, it’s just not him. He says he can’t be loving towards me… what does that mean?!?! He’s not the type of person to move on so fast, he was single for a long long time before he got with me, and I trust that our relationship meant more to him than to get with someone else within a month. I’m not fussed about that, because even if he did, it’s just a rebound from me.

What should I do?! and how do I make him know that I don’t want to be “just friends” without actually telling him that?

admin

June 24, 2014 at 6:32 pm

How early was the cheating into the relationship?

(B/c most people have a hard time getting over it that quickly.)

L

June 23, 2014 at 2:33 am

My boyfriend and I have a pretty deep bond. We were each other’s first every things even though we are in our 20’s. He is very introverted and I’m very extroverted and overtime he became stressed with work and depressed. I was very patient and very understanding and gave him space but at the end of it he wanted to break up, telling me he wants me in his life and still wants me to call him and text him and that he cares a lot about me but he see’s me as “just a friend,” which is something I absolutely disbelieve wholeheartedly and know it is just a cop out. I told him that if he wanted me in his life so badly he’d have to figure it out because I wouldn’t be calling/texting. Now, when I gave him his stuff back (jacket/book) I had forgotten there was a letter that I had written when he had pushed me away and he had told me I deserved better. In it I wrote that all I wanted was him as himself, etc and that it was not about what anyone thinks or believes I deserve because it didn’t matter to me if it wasn’t him. I just recently found out that he’s told his mom that he misses me and liked hanging out with me. He also blew up on his sister (he’s generally really reserved) after she used and messed up a sautee pan I gave him for valentine’s day (he’s a chef.) I then found out he had found the letter and it’s been in his room on his desk opened and read. He was pretty set on breaking up with me during the two weeks we had been going back and forth on a “break” and then the final “break-up” so I know he thought long and hard about doing it. But, I want him back. I haven’t had the urge to text him (I’m on day 7) and I’ve been going out and doing my best to move along in life but I am just having trouble getting into his head and figuring out if him still having that letter on his desk is damaging to me getting back with him or if it’s for the better?

admin

June 23, 2014 at 2:29 pm

I just think you should finish out your NC… I think he definitely misses you.
L

June 23, 2014 at 2:36 am

Also, to clarify – he had the letter post-breakup, when I forgot I had hid it in a book of his to keep it from anyone seeing.

Jourden

June 21, 2014 at 11:03 pm

So he broke up with me three days ago and I went a little crazy. I blew up his phone like a mad woman! He ignored all calls and texts. I then decided to do NC. Did I kill my chances?

admin

June 22, 2014 at 3:44 pm

No you didn’t kill your chances.

Anne

June 19, 2014 at 9:31 pm

Hello,
here is my story:
I complained to my ex too much about all the problems in my life and overwhelmed him. He ended the relationship, never said why (only that his feelings changed which i think is because of the way i was using him). I did the NC and recently sent him an appology text message for the way i treated him. He hasn’t responded. If he does / does not respond, what should my next steps be?

admin

June 21, 2014 at 7:30 pm

Well, the apology text should not have been the way to go…

Kelly

June 19, 2014 at 8:21 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend broke up with me almost two months ago.
We had breaks before (initiated by him) that lasted about a week but I always convinced him to come back.

We fought quite a bit, mainly because he saw his friends more than me and kept adding girls on Facebook knowing I didn’t like it.

When he broke up with me he said he doesn’t feel the same and refused to sort things out saying its better this way.

He checked up on me few days after the break up to see how I was doing however kept saying we need to move on.

I kept thinking of strategies to get him back all failed. So I started no contact about a month into the break up and its been nearly 30 day’s and no message.

admin

June 21, 2014 at 7:28 pm

No worries, you can still contat him after NC.
Kelly

June 21, 2014 at 8:20 pm

How can I contact him if he still hasnt unblocked me from anything? I know where he lives and works but I think he will find that a bit stalkerish if I show up there. Plus last time I talked to him (26 days ago) he really wasn’t showing any interest in getting back together.
admin

June 22, 2014 at 3:39 pm

Yes that would be stalkerish…

Did you by any chance read my “blocking” page.
Kelly

June 22, 2014 at 11:19 pm

Yes I read that page and all other pages.
However the full block out is because I told him to block my number and facebook and only unblock it if he cares. So technically the ball is in his court. So he didnt block me because he was angry or getting revenge.
Kelly

June 19, 2014 at 8:24 pm

Also he has cut off all forms of communication mainly because I asked him to block me and only unblock me if he cares.
Kelly

June 19, 2014 at 8:26 pm

Also we were together 14 months.

Lina

June 19, 2014 at 11:26 am

Hello Chris.
His mother died.. Should I still keep up the no contact rule or should I go and comfort him? (It’s been only 10 days).
Waiting for your answer.

admin

June 21, 2014 at 7:12 pm

Hmm… very tricky. Do you think hed be that upset if you kept ignoring him.

La Menefee

June 19, 2014 at 6:39 am

My ex was the very very angry reaction after our breakup …. ignored my text, calls …didnt want anything to do with me … he ultimately made the first move and texted me unexpectedly, after 40 days of NO CONTACT ” Hey I kno u prolly think I was harsh on u..but dats something I didn’t wanna do but u drove me there..do hope u ok and still tryna work on u..” Sounds like a different tune to me, NOT angry ( may even expect me to text or call a million times ) .. but I haven’t acted on it nor thought about it .. Im still in NO CONTACT mode, working on myself … what’s his reaction now?? What’s going on in his mind? ?

admin

June 20, 2014 at 7:47 pm

I think its a good sign. Why are you still continuing NC though?
La Menefee

June 20, 2014 at 10:51 pm

I dont want to jump the gun ..even tho he’s the one that broke up with me I want him to see that I dont need him, show him that im working on me ..I want a relationship with him again a better one but I also want him to make the first move eventually show me if he wants to have a relationship with me or not …

belle

June 18, 2014 at 6:36 am

my ex blocked me on fb and doesnt reply to me because I was bothering him after the break up and blame him for the failed relationship we had. I apologized to him via email before begining NC. His family informs me that he still uses the things I gave him and our picture still hangs in his room. Will NC work on him, I think he is combination of an angry guy and stubborn?

admin

June 18, 2014 at 2:03 pm

It definitely can.

Carrie

June 18, 2014 at 12:45 am

HI! 🙂 So here’s my story: I was dating this guy for almost 3 months. We met online and everything was going well and he seemed really into me. He even had me meet his parents from out of state. Long story short, when I brought up the topic of DTR ( something I felt i had to do since I saw he was still active on the dating site) he said he wasn’t ready to have a girlfriend. He also knew that he didn’t want to lose me because he was being honest, and was feeling really torn. I’ve have gotten burned in the past when having this conversation late in the game, which is why I felt it was important to me to know where we stood. I also know he got out of a 3 year relationship almost a year ago.

Long story short, I told him we needed to do the right thing and go our separate ways. So basically I broke up with him. He asked if we could remain friends and I graciously declined. Mind you this conversation took place over the phone. Shortly after we hung up he texted me to thank me and apologize for having led me on. I never replied. This was almost 2 weeks ago and I haven’t heard from him since.

My question is this: can the strategies in the ebook still work even though I told him we couldn’t be friends? Also, does the ebook cover all the topic discussed on the site?

I feel bad, because I think I may have jumped the gun. But I also didn’t want to put myself in a potential unhealthy situation. He seemed like a nice guy and all in all we had a great time together.

admin

June 18, 2014 at 1:44 pm

The E-Book was meant to be universial!

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4,271 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”