The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Hannah

July 4, 2014 at 5:06 pm

Hey Chris. I’ve written on here a couple of times, but just need your advice on the current situation. Me and my boyfriend of 2 years broke up 3 months ago. We have always been LDR but he just took a placement year in America. I saw him on Tuesday and he was like ‘you think I don’t want to be with you? You’re wrong I do’ but he says not right now. He said I’m the person he wants to marry and have kids with. We have a trip booked in August and he said he still wants to go on it. This morning he text me and said I really believe you are the person I will marry, I just want to enjoy my placement and after, if you are no longer there that is when I will fight for you. I believe you are the one but I just need to be completely sure. So I replied saying in that case, it’s over, I will not wait around for you and will start to move on. I thanked him for an incredible 2 years together and said I would always love him but I now know this is over.
What do I do from here? Do I go back into NC? His placement ends in February and I just don’t think I can wait that long, I want him back before then 🙁

Please help Chris! Thank you!

admin

July 7, 2014 at 5:47 pm

If he really wanted to be with you he would be with you.

NC definitely.
Hannah

July 10, 2014 at 6:14 pm

Hey Chris. So we are back together! He turned up at the bar I was at on Monday after texting me every day for 5 days and me refusing to reply, told me he couldn’t do it anymore, was in love with me, wanted to be back with me. So we got back together. However now I’m so so nervous. We saw each other Tuesday evening, watched a film, stayed over together, we hung out yesterday, and then have agreed to hang out tomorrow. But he’s not texting me. Yes we are back together, and so I know I should just chill out, but I’m a bit scared to text him that I’ll push him back away. But now we are together all I want is to be with him all the time. To hear from him all the time. But I need to make sure he’s not thinking damn she’s annoying she texts me all the time this is why I broke up with her in the first place… Gah I thought when we got back together things would get simpler! Haha!
admin

July 11, 2014 at 1:57 pm

I wrote something about keeping him once you get him back. You might want to check that out.

Jessica

July 3, 2014 at 2:06 am

Hey Chris, my ex and I were together for 2 years and 7 months and he didnt really give me a reason why he brokeup with me, which it was a very bad breakup.for about a month i was needy and desperate and did everything to get ahold of him because we were the true love kinda couple,we planned a future and career and were very happy and in love. A month later after the breakup I did the no contact rule for 2 weeks and he tried to talk to me a few times and I didn’t respond. Then he messaged me that he’s very dissapointed with me and I responded:I’m sorry I haven’t been answering you, it’s been hard and I’ve wanted to message you back but I don’t want things ending badly again. And he responded with:Yeah that sure makes it better. Just pissed me off tryin to be nice and talk and you ignore me. It’s cool blew that chance. Have fun with your plan. And then I said:I don’t have a plan. I told myself I would give you space. I didn’t mean to piss you off. Then he said K. And I said:George, you dont understand.Besides its only been 3 hours since you messaged me. I wasn’t really ignoring you. I was trying to give you the space you wanted. And it’s not like it’s been easy. And he said:The other day. But me being nice and tryin to talk to you but I’m just. Nvm bye and then I said: Look, I’m sorry. I was trying to respect your decision. I didnt want things to go bad again. Of course i wanted to respond to you. You ignored me for like a month and you’ve said things that hurt me. I didnt mean to hurt you or piss you off. Thank you for the compliment on my hair, it made me smile. I see you changed your hair too. Thsys it that was our conversation.So he’s been going through a lot, friends and family dying and he says hes changed and I feel like I screwed up. I feel like we’ll never be okay again.

admin

July 7, 2014 at 5:19 pm

So, what would you like my help with specifically?
Jessica

July 8, 2014 at 2:26 am

Well we are friends now. But he’s definitely changed into someone else. I don’t love him, I love who he use to be. But he wants to hangout as friends in stuff & I think i might try to start dating again but secretly i hope in the future we will be together when he is ready for a serious relationship. Is that weird?
admin

July 8, 2014 at 2:35 pm

Not weird at all. I undersatnd where you are coming from I guess what you need to be asking yourself is if he is the best for you long term?
Jessica

July 8, 2014 at 10:03 pm

I knew he was the one but hes changed now, he wants to do whatever he wants because he is young, whenever he is ready for a real relationship like we had I’m hoping he will come to me. I know I’m his familys favorite because I’ve met everyone and they all loved me.
Jessica

July 8, 2014 at 2:30 am

And do you think it’s possible that we could end up together again?
Jessica

July 3, 2014 at 2:11 am

That’s it, that was our conversation. *
Jessica

July 3, 2014 at 8:46 am

George and I were on oovoo for a while and it got a little dirty but it wasnt long. But then we talked about us and I cried a lot! He didn’t remember a lot of things in our relationship like any future stuff. He doesn’t even know if he’s in love or was in love. All he could keep saying was sorry. He has done a lot of things he doesnt wanna tell me because it will upset me and he did people come and go and i said do you care if you loose me? He said I already did. And I said no you broke up with me but I’ve always been here. But he didn’t seem to care if I’m not his life or not, i had to ask him if he wants me in his life and he said yeah and i had to ask him if he always will love me and he said I don’t want to say that and I had to ask him a few times and he just says yeah. everything we were he doesnt remember, and doesn’t feel the same about me. He texts like 4 girls and he says he’s doesn’t like any of them. He says i haven’t heard half of the things he does. But sometime he wants to be friends because he doesn’t have any real friends. And we’ll see where we end up. But it was clear that he doesn’t know his feelings for me. And that he has to figure it all out and put things back together.I wish everything he said was just a dream. I wish that everything he said he was lying lol I secretly hope so. I seriously don’t like my life anymore. I dont wanna feel this way and be in so much pain or cry so much. I wish he really cared about me and still was in love with me.
admin

July 7, 2014 at 5:35 pm

I know its really hard but I think the best thing for you is to find some sanity for now. Getting him back when you are in this highly emotional state is highly impractical.

MG

July 1, 2014 at 6:18 pm

Hi Chris,
So what about the stubborn guy? you explain this guy can act or feel like a “victim” or that he is thinking “she has to call me first” but I was wondering if a guy like this one will contact me soon. I’m on the middle of the NC rule and believe me it is hard to do it, it is hard to control my emotions and keep discipline. I crave a lot to hear from him, to know about him and because I know that he is stubborn, I’m afraid that he won’t contact me anymore. I didn’t do anything wrong, I didn’t cheat him, his excuse to break up with me was the long distance between us (living in diff countries), besides he said he doesn’t want a committed relationship. I know that I can’t force to anyone to love me but from the bottom of my heart I believe that he has feelings for me, even when his mind says no I think his heart craves it. Anyways, I’ve been feeling so sad and desperate because I can seen him online in whatssap and FB and he hasn’t done anything to send me a small text or message. Do you think is possible to change all this scenario? Do you think is possible he changed his mind? Do you think the NC period works for someone like him, according to situation I explained above?

thanks Chris for your attention to this.

admin

July 3, 2014 at 12:57 am

Sometimes you have to be the one to reach out with these guys but if you get them hooked and then suddenly end the conversation you will find that they start to chase.

jordyn

July 1, 2014 at 1:41 am

Hey Chris, so I finally completed no contact with my ex and a few days ago he messaged me. Asking how im doing I told him im good and he said “thats good well you seem busy I dont wanna bother you so ill leave you alone” I told him no im not busy and asked him how he was doing. He said him being with 7 kids all the time is making him go a little crazy and needed someone to talk to. So we talked for a little bit and he then asked me if im happy with my life. I asked him “what do you mean?” He then asked me if we could talk over the phone instead. I said thats fine. He called me and we first talked about passed things we did together and old jokes we used to make together and their was constant laughing between us. Then i asked him what he meant by his last message. And he said ” well are you happy with your new life? Boyfriend? Job? Future plans? Are you happy?” I said “theres ups and downs but…yes overall I would say im happy”. I asked him “what about you?” He said ” well things aren’t what I expected lets just say” I figured he didnt want to talk about it and changed the subject. We joked more and we talked for about an hr till he said “well im sorry but I’d hate for my phone to die on you so what are you up to later? ” I said not sure. He said “well, maybe we can I dont know hangout or talk a little more later. If its ok with you if I text you later?” I said sure. We said our talk to you later and hung up. I havent heard from him for the passed week. So im confused. I feel like he was just playing a trick to see if im willing to leave my new bf. But im not sure. What do you think?

admin

July 3, 2014 at 12:47 am

What makes you feel he was playing a trick on you?
jordyn

July 7, 2014 at 6:31 am

I believe him to be narcissistic. I looked up everything on it and He did everything a narcissist does but this just makes me feel like its a 50 50 kind of thing. Im just not sure on anything anymore.

Allison

June 30, 2014 at 11:07 pm

I really don’t understand what happened, two days go my boyfriend and I broke up. When I first met him I was not interested in having a relationship it just happened. We were together for 1 year and 6 months. We discussed moving in together in two years after I got my masters and everything. Last weekend he came over to visit me and we has fun. He texted me that evening saying he loved me, I was the best, and that he really had fun. Then it just went down hill he was not texting a lot, he was not calling me at all and I asked him why and he said he had no reason. Finally, this week I had it, I was tried of his constant monthly **** of no communication. I told him we need to take a break for him to appreciate what he has. He replied are you breaking up with me really? I replied are you wiling to change and he said idk. I replied what is your problem honestly he said idk. I said are you really willing to lose me he said no. Then said sorry,we need a break. I immediately flip out and he said I’m sorry,can we just be friends right now. I told him no , I want all the things I ever gave him back, and that we are done. It really hurt because he has broken up with me before almost a year ago and I took him back and he promised he wouldn’t do it again. Just yesterday he posted a status on twitter something’s are not meant to be,that’s life. I lost it after seeing that I texted him three times talking about fixing our relationship and how I didn’t deserve to get my heartbroken. I even called and tried to FaceTime him and he ignored each of them. Help!! I just want my boyfriend back I have some much faith in us.

admin

July 3, 2014 at 12:44 am

Why do you think there was this sudden mood shift in him? Do you have any ideas?

Erica

June 30, 2014 at 12:11 am

Hi my bf just broke up with me cause I activated my Facebook after we had agreed to neither of us having one..he found out I had one and left a comment to a guy that he really dislikes.the comment was not anything bad but the fact that I did this behind his back and to that specific guy he left me and said we were done for good, weve been together for 5yrs and I really love him. He didn’t even give me the chance to explain anything to him he blocked my number so I can’t even get ahold of him, I started sending him emails and he would just tell me to leave him alone and that hes moving on amd started calling me names I didn’t deserve to be called.He now made a facebook and talks to girls on there and I know I can’t do anything about it but it hurts alot..im leaving him alone now but do you think the nc rule will work for me do you think theres still hopes for us to be together again.

admin

June 30, 2014 at 2:44 pm

First off, why did you leave the comment?

I think its kind of dumb and controlling that he broke up with you over that but why did you leave the comment. Did this guy try to hit on you or do something to harm your relationship? Why does he dislike this guy?
Erica

June 30, 2014 at 4:37 pm

His status said (wwhen you try hard and nobody notices it) all i replied was (try harder) and i deactivate it right after idk why i did i just didnt think about it.this guy used to be friends with my bf and my bf is just real jealous in that way he thinks that im gHis status said (wwhen you try hard and nobody notices it) all i replied was (try harder) and i deactivate it right after idk why i did i just didnt think about it.this guy used to be friends with my bf and my bf is just real jealous in that way he thinks that im going to cheat one day but that’s a thought that’s not even going through my head. I love him and i made a mistake but he know hates me cause of that he said hes real hurt and wants nothing to do with me idk what to doing to cheat one day but that’s a thought that’s not even going through my head. I love him and i made a mistake but he know hates me cause of that he said hes real hurt and wants nothing to do with me idk what to do
admin

July 3, 2014 at 12:39 am

Wait, he broke up with you b/c he thinks you are going to cheat??? Seriously, that was his reasoning?
Erica

July 3, 2014 at 12:40 pm

Yes he said he was not going to wait for that to happen to him so he left me i pretty much begged him and he would just blow me off and told me to leave him alone i don’t understand how someone could let 5yrs go just like that.He said he was real hurt but hes done alot worst to me and i forgave him.I just don’t understand anything anymore hes doing things i never thought he would do.Im so hurt I didn’t want this to be over.
admin

July 7, 2014 at 5:39 pm

Throughout those five years did he ever seem to feel like he was just getting bored or something?
Erica

June 30, 2014 at 4:42 pm

His status said (when you try hard and nobody notices it) all i replied was (try harder) and i deactivate it right after idk why i did it just didnt think about it.this guy used to be friends with my bf and my bf is just real jealous in that way he thinks that im going to cheat one day but that’s a thought that’s not even going through my head. I love him and i made a mistake but he now hates me cause of that he said hes real hurt and wants nothing to do with me idk what to do

Becky

June 29, 2014 at 8:57 pm

So I messaged my ex back after a month and half. He said “:so now you decice to reply. I answered back; “now is always a good time. After a week, I messaged him about this book that reminded him of him. He replied “why are you acting so strange. How can I save this?

admin

June 30, 2014 at 2:33 pm

Hmm… ok, maybe try a more normal text for you rather than whats found on the site.

Toya

June 29, 2014 at 12:40 pm

**he has NOT made an attempt to reach out I meant
Toya

June 29, 2014 at 12:38 pm

hi..im 15 days in the nc rule and he has made an attempt yo reach out…what is going on in his mind at this time?? before the nc rule I told him I needed sometime to myself to myself..our relationship has been rocky ever since he has moved away…what is he thinking now??
Kelly

June 28, 2014 at 7:20 am

Reached out to him. He still wants nothing to do with me. Keeps saying he likes being by himself instead.
Hannah

June 27, 2014 at 6:02 am

Hey. Does the NC rule only work if you implement it immediately after break up? I completely wish I had but I hadn’t found this site. We are now 2 months down the line and a week ago had a deep ‘chat’ about us where he concluded he’s in love with me but still doesn’t seem to want to be with me. Is it now too late to enforce NC seeing as were already down to not talking everyday, will it not have effect? Thanks 🙂

admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:53 pm

I think it depends on how often you two have been talking after the breakup.
Hannah

June 29, 2014 at 7:08 pm

We spoke a lot but that was me being a text gnat a lot. We were in different countries, and now we are in the same country and have seen each other several times, each time he’s been like I’m completely in love with you and I’m an idiot for what I’ve done, but then doesn’t act on it. He doesn’t seem to want to be back with me even though his words say he does… He has text me every couple of days since I’ve been here (have been here for 3 weeks) and I was replying but for the last 10 days I have now just completely ignored him. Should I move on to the first text quicker than 30 days? I’m tempted to see if he wants to go for dinner. But don’t want to push him away more by him thinking he just has me, trying to make him realise he’s lost me…???
admin

June 30, 2014 at 2:32 pm

Only if he has been contacting you a lot during NC can you do that.
Hannah

July 1, 2014 at 2:32 am

Ok. So I’ve done 12 days NC and then today I bumped into him and he was so overly nice to me, said ‘thanks for ignoring my text the other day’… But apparently he is coming to hang out with our mutual friends tomorrow… What do I do? Just act nice and let him see what he’s missing? The NC thing is not so easy when you live in the same building after living in separate countries for years!

Unqiue

June 27, 2014 at 1:00 am

Hi!
Me an my ex been together for 5years on in off, he called it off between us to two years on ago, because of me not loving him like he loved me, but I really did love him I just didn’t know how to lovehim, so sense all that happen we still reach out to one another every now in then.
In he also said he didn’t feel the same way about me,that’s when he called it off between us two years ago. But when he came to see me before we did exchange kisses on the lips, that was likes some months ago. I want him back into my life as my boyfriend. I want to know can I do NC with him, to make him miss me. In I want to know what does it mean when I always text him, but he. never text me first, but he always respond when I text him though.in I’m scared to let him know that I still have feelings for him. What should I do??

admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:49 pm

What did he mean that he loved you more than you loved him???

Ash

June 26, 2014 at 10:42 pm

Hi, I started the no contact rule three weeks ago. I didn’t talk to him after the break up except exactly one week after starting I went to his place, got my things and told him I knew he was doing his own thing and hanging out with other girls and that I was going to do the same. The reason why I told him was that he has always made it clear that after a breakup, neither of us should go out with other people for a few months. He was upset that I had done that when we broke up for two months earlier this year. I did no contact for two months at that time. Anyways at his house,He defended himself saying that the girls were talking to him and he wasnt talking to them back and told me this time breaking up is different and that we aren’t getting back together. This breakup happened because of no reason I am sure of. I didn’t cheat, I was a good girlfriend but we faught a lot. he became my daughters father figure, called himself daddy three days before breaking up with me. When I got to his house I was all dressed up ready to go out. He was jealous by looking at me. Once I left, he texted me saying “I’ll see you soon” I responded by saying “its funny you think that”. Have not heard from him or talked to him in two weeks. What do I do now ? I have a feeling he has been thinking about me because his best friend was following me yesterday when I was driving around. (A little creepy). But I can’t stop thinking about him. He broke up with me over the phone and said he can’t do it because we fight too much, he is going to be working and we won’t have time to see each other and because he can’t give me what I want and also because I would just be starting a job and won’t have a lot of time to see him. (I don’t know if he’s upset that I got a job at a bar) The real reason is because he wants to drink all the time with his buddies. When he started drinking and blowing me off for his friends is when our problems started. He also said he doesn’t love me anymore when he broke up with me. I find it hard to believe because a week before breaking up with me he told me never to leave him and that he wants to marry me. Please help me! I’m so confused.

admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:39 pm

He seems just as confused about his feelings as you do hahaha.
Ash

June 26, 2014 at 11:14 pm

There is also two pictures of us still on his Instagram from when we were together. He deleted all of them but those two. Does this mean anything? Please tell me how much longer of no contact I should do and if I should wait even longer for him to talk to me first. Especially since he said he doesn’t love me :/, help please I’m so sick of being sad
admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:40 pm

They may hold sentimental value or he may have forgot them…

Andie

June 26, 2014 at 6:53 pm

my boyfriend has broken up with me 3 days ago, Everything was perfect I was having interviews and we were moving in together and all of a sudden he said something has been missing the last two weeks and he can’t create something that isn’t there, he loves me with all his heart wants to stay friends and not only did I tick all the boxes I nailed them so I just don’t understand, although i have full contraception we had abit of a pregnancy scare a few weeks ago and although obviously I’m not pregnancy it’s made him think into the future to quickly and apparently he can’t see us working as a couple, I have implemented the NC rule and now on my 2nd day the one yesterday said “I doubt either of us got much sleep… I’m so sorry…. Thinking of you xxx” and the one today was my name and a sad face. I love him more than I have anyone and I truely believe we are meant to be together but I don’t know if there is any hope in getting him back as he is the kind of person that once he has made his mind up he sticks to it and that scares me. I don’t know what to do please help me

admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:32 pm

Wait, he just broke up with you b/c something has been missing?

The commitment probably scared him and thats a shame..
Andie

June 29, 2014 at 9:22 pm

He was fully up for moving in together and he’d talked about our future before, what can I do to get him back?
admin

June 30, 2014 at 2:33 pm

Why the sudden 180?

Kelly

June 26, 2014 at 7:25 am

Today was my last day NC and I haven’t heard from him once. 14 months together (as mentioned in other comments) and after 30 days not anything. Cant say im suprised. Since he has me blocked on everything and 30 days are up I should give up right?

admin

June 26, 2014 at 3:36 pm

No.. reacoh out to him… Did you read this guide at all? Sometimes YOU have to be the one to reach out.
Kelly

June 26, 2014 at 8:51 pm

I cant reach out because he still has me 100% blocked on everything. If he wanted to hear from me he would unblock me right?
admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:35 pm

Most likely yes.

You read my page on blocking correct?

sue

June 26, 2014 at 12:27 am

what does it mean when the guy wanted to stay friends and still wanted to hang out …im hitting 30 days tomorrow and nothing yet!!! but tried to reach me thru a friend i didnt give into that the 1st week!

admin

June 26, 2014 at 3:29 pm

I would say its more of a good sign than bad.
sue

June 26, 2014 at 10:11 pm

thats what i thought to but today is 30 days and nothing ….should i wait a little longer?
sue

July 1, 2014 at 4:32 am

Hi well 34 days and he came to where he knew i was tonight …the no contact works ..its a start def not where i want it but he came to me !!!! will see what happens ill update soon! but what to do now do you start texting a little or wait again?
sue

June 30, 2014 at 7:00 am

Hi well 34 days and he came to where he knew i was tonight …the no contact works ..its a start def not where i want it but he came to me !!!! will see what happens ill update soon!
admin

June 30, 2014 at 3:03 pm

Thats great! Keep us updated!
admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:38 pm

No, I would go ahead and reach out.
sue

June 26, 2014 at 12:29 am

i meant to say that was the 1st week of no contact that he went thru 2 friends actually

anna

June 25, 2014 at 8:30 pm

Dear Chris,

My husband of 11 years left me 3 weeks ago our relationship was never perfect though I stood by him even after he had physically abused me..he came home one night itching for a fight and he got angry broke a bunch of things in the house and left to a friends he came back to get his stuff and told me it was over I am devastated I love him still after everything most of his anger comes from him drinking. .he at first didn’t want to talk to me call me nothing absolutely nothing I got a call from him 2 weeks after he did this telling me that he has started seeing a girl who I thought was my friend and laughed about it and is going on with his life like everything is great..I stopped taking his calls and now he is asking others to call me and some good friends who have been by my side if I am ok he is worried about me and are they sure and how do they k ow..but yet calls me and leaves a rude message and angry message that he will turn off my phone if I don’t call him back about the truck knowing I can call the loan company myself what should I do?

Empty

admin

June 26, 2014 at 3:23 pm

Did you read my article on husbands?

Maryanne

June 25, 2014 at 1:25 am

Does the NC rule work for a “stubborn guy”?

admin

June 25, 2014 at 5:16 pm

It absolutely can… but sometimes you will have to have to make the first approach as I said in the article.

Alyson

June 24, 2014 at 10:27 pm

Hey.

My bf and I broke up 6 weeks ago.
we had one year relationship and we fought alot. Im past my 30 day no contact and still nothing from him. He has blocked me in every way. Clearly he doesn’t miss me at all. How I approach this?

admin

June 25, 2014 at 5:15 pm

You fought a lot?

About what?
Alyson

June 25, 2014 at 7:58 pm

We fought about him not spending enough time with me,I get jealous easily, him choosin his career and stuff over me. What do I do to get him back when nc is over?

Kelly

June 23, 2014 at 7:45 pm

Does the no contact rule apply to his family too? His dad has been a great support to me during the relationship and after also. I have recieved two texts from him during NC asking how I am but havent replied incase he will pass info onto my ex. Im on day 28 no direct contact from ex.

admin

June 24, 2014 at 6:43 pm

No just him.
Kelly

June 25, 2014 at 8:52 am

Tomorrow is my last day nc. Not one word from him.
its making me pretty pissed in all honesty. Maybe I should give up on him.

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4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”