The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Sarah0000

May 31, 2014 at 2:33 pm

Me and my boyfriend split a year ago but haven’t done the no contact rule. I moved out but still kept seeing and sleeping with him. Just recently i went away with a friend for 1 night. I didn’t hear from him for the whole duration I was away. This upset me as my friend was receiving messages from her bf. when I got back I didn’t message him and later that day bumped into him at the shop. He said he was sorry for not getting in touch. And said he would call/txt. He later txt me saying

I love you soo much. And really hope one day it’l work out. Coz deep down i wana be with you for the rest of my life. Take care of your self and if you ever need anythin fone me. Il do anything for you xxx

Some background…….
We never argue-just go quiet for a little while and make up
He is 26 and I’m 23.
We’ve been together 5/6 years
We lived together for 3years
We haven’t cheated or argued
“Good, healthy break-up”
I’m on day 5 or NC…….he hasn’t contacted me yet

What are my chances of getting him back????
Nicole

May 27, 2014 at 7:35 pm

Hi,
I had a long distance relationship and we called it quits due to distance and fading feelings. I still miss him and unfortunately I follow his life from time to time over facebook, even though the first thing I did was deleting from skype, facebook, google+ and all the emails, messages and etc on whatsapp and phone, collecting and putting the gifts photos in a secret box and etc. I have done no contact for exactly 2 months. Couple days ago, i needed to ask him for an emergency. and he helped and in return asked me how i am doing. i said thanks i am doing fine and the mail was done there. Today I sent him an email, it was a friendly suggestion about his business since he is having a startup currently. Now I am wondering how he will answer. I do not know if i did something okay or if i shouldnt have sent him an email. Is it possible to get him back by showing interest to his life but acting like you are friendly? or does it give the sign that i am still thinking about him, his business and his life? please help me. I am afraid i look needy, which I do not wanna look like and i did something wrong. thanks for your suggestions in advance.

admin

May 28, 2014 at 2:48 pm

You might want to check out the long distance page.
Nicole

May 28, 2014 at 6:01 pm

Hi Chris Thanks for your response. I checked there as well. He answered like a day later. He wrote that my suggestions are awesome and this and that. He wrote right now it is a pretty tough time, he is doing this, that, work, new job, blah.. I did not ask anything and he is telling me all those stuff. It made me feel like he is just really happy that he broke up with me cuz he has so good life. I dont know what i should write to him. i will definitely not mention my life as he did not ask and i think it is none of his business. but rather i would like to congratulate him with some mixture of things from past. for example,i am especially happy for your job as i said earlier you should get a new one (like try to say I told you to do this and u were stubborn but look i am wise and thinking for your own good). or yes i remember the times you talked about that, it must be this (just to show i was listening and caring about him) and i would like to offer my help for his dissertation correction and check (as i always did and he always trusted me… like to show that he still needs me for some other aspects in his life) then I would like to send a gift package for his birthday with full of things he likes to eat while snowboarding like power bars, beef jerky and etc. since he cannot find those at the place he currently lives in. i just want him to remember our winter road trips, ski trips and etc. do you think all those things remind him of how good we were and trigger him to want me back or do you think his email talking about all crap he does and he is busy and happy means as a manifesto of the fact it ended and he is glad…? please let me know. i dont know what can happen exactly after no contact for 58 days. thanks!

Estelle

May 27, 2014 at 1:50 pm

Hi Chris, I followed your no contact rule, I did it for 10 days and I got my ex back, I cheated… But since we got back he has been loving and sweet, but lately I noticed I don’t havr much hold on him, like I use to before the break up, I’m thinking on going on a 14days no contact rule, plsssssss…. I need your advice, I really do.

admin

May 27, 2014 at 2:49 pm

Wait, did you get him back?

M

May 27, 2014 at 12:38 pm

Hi!

My bf broke up with me bc he had to go home to a different country. It’s now day 11 of NC, he contacted me yesterday (on day 10) with kind of a long text, lots of questions but very nice and very just “friendly”… he was basically asking what I’m up to/how I’m doing with lots of smiley faces, ha. I know I’m not supposed to respond (which is why I’ve made it one day without responding!) and still haven’t… but I’m scared b/c I know his family and friends there (I went to visit last year) and he’s the type that will act as a “victim” like you said so I could completely see him telling them that I totally ignored him.. and then I’m scared they’re encourage him to just move on, etc, and then he just wont ever try to communicate again and get the hint that it’s time to move on… but it’s not!! I know the answer to this question and I know what you will say but I guess I need some justification/a reminder why I should not respond? (our breakup ended on a really “good”/amicable note so I guess I also just feel kind of mean not responding..) Help set me straight por favor!

admin

May 27, 2014 at 2:49 pm

So, technically you two are long distance?
M

May 27, 2014 at 11:39 pm

Yeah, now we are, but he broke up before he left. So NC started pretty much the day after he got there. (Oh and he does not have FB!! His best friend does, and I know he’d get on that sometimes in the past if he ever wanted to look at something, but not even on a regular basis..)

Also, whenever I do text him back, do I address my silence (“sorry I’ve been.. blah blah”) or even answer his questions about what I’m up to (he knows I’m going overseas and was asking about that too), or do I basically text as though I’ve never even seen his text (like the examples you show in your other articles).. ? I have NOT responded yet but the only other influence I have right now is my own mother who sits next to me and is telling me to “respond tomorrow or else he’ll move on!” so if someone wants to balance this out…?! Thank you!
M

May 28, 2014 at 4:04 am

(There is actually SO much more to this story, which I wrote to you in an email… so I know you cannot respond to everything but I actually don’t think I can take any advice from your comments/articles on here until you know the whole context of my situation… and honestly, it’s very unique and I think it would be quite a challenge for you if you could actually read through the entire message I sent you…. yes this might be a challenge for you Chris! 😉 But moreso, if you want to really help a devout reader of your site… this is your chance because I am SO SO confused and actually literally will not take advice from anyone/not even your articles bc none of them are even close enough to my situtaion =/ But I’m so bad with anything guy-related that I know I can’t do this on my own. Please please help me. if you can recognize the email address?)
admin

May 28, 2014 at 2:54 pm

Challenging me…. which email did you send it to?
M

May 28, 2014 at 3:48 pm

The one that allows me to message you through this website?
admin

May 31, 2014 at 3:13 pm

The contact form?

Violet

May 25, 2014 at 5:09 am

Chris,
I broke up with my bf. he said I hope we can be friends but I said not for a long time bc I warned to heal. And I broke it off very suddenly and stopped talking to him which I know really probably hurt him. But I don’t think he would call or text even if he did miss me whether from ego , stubbornness, or apathy idk. But I texted him 18 days later saying sorry for breaking it off so suddenly bc. I know that was hurtful to hi and I do want to be friends bc I he knows everything about me etc. but he never texted back. Recently I found out that my phone has t been sending certain text messages to people or my calls wouldn’t show up on some peoples phones. A few people have told me they never. Got my voicemails and my texts have been delayed and I’m sure. Some lost. So now I don’t know if my text ever went through to him and idk what to do!? I don’t think he would text me bc I said I didn’t want to talk to him for like 5yrs and I said this is the last time we are Gonna talk and after this. We aren’t gonna talk again. And now I really regret it and miss him:( I want to talk to him. But idk if he got my message. What should I do.? What if is hurt him so much he never wants me back? I am on day 11 of nc after that message.
jordyn

May 24, 2014 at 1:34 pm

I really need advice badly, I hit day 16 of no contact when out of the blue my ex texted me asking how I was doing. I know I shouldn’t have messaged back but I did I tried to keep it simple with my answers I told him everything was fine and I was at work. Then he started asking me about my relationship im in now if the guy treats me well and if im happy. I told yes everything is going ok. He then started saying stuff like good im hoping u dont mess it up by getting pregnant and i hope he has grown up and stopped beating u. And before i read the entire message he apologized right away and said that was out of line, so i ignored it all and asked him about how he is doing with everything and his gf. And he kept saying everything was unbelievably great and couldn’t be happier. So I told him im glad hes happy and hope things go well for him and then he asked me if my relationship is really that great or if i believe it will fail. so i changed the subject and asked him about other things that we could always talk about whether it was movies books shows whatever. He stopped texting me so I then decided to just leave it off on a good note by saying well ok I gotta get going so again glad ur happy and glad everything worked out for u and glad we at least had somewhat of a conversation and he replied yeah u to. So my question is what was all that abi ut with him? Is he mad at me or something?

admin

May 25, 2014 at 2:30 pm

You broke nc… you know what that means.
jordyn

May 25, 2014 at 7:03 pm

Yes and no. I understand i shouldn’t have broken it but at the same time I was also just trying to make peace with him and didnt expect him to say stuff like that. So im still confused on two things 1. If I start over with no contact will it still work? 2. Is he mad at me or something?
admin

May 27, 2014 at 2:23 pm

1. Yes but itll be less effective.

2. I would be shocked if he isn’t. Breakups always make ppl mad.

Anna

May 24, 2014 at 3:43 am

So me and my ex have been together for over 5 years, lived together for 4 years and had a dog together. Out of the blue one day we had a little argument (I can’t even remember what about) and resulted in him freaking out and he kicked me out. So I went and stayed with a friend for a few days, then we talked and he told me that he doesn’t do anything for himself anymore and basically wants some space. We decided to go on a break but still spend a little bit of time together and try to make it work, I was kind of bitter about it but decided to try. So I packed all my stuff and moved in with a friend, we got rid of our house and he moved in with a friend too. So about 2 weeks of this, we went out for dinner a few times and so on. During this we were still in the process of moving so I was kind of emotional and pissy because that was our life we were leaving while he was so happy telling me of all this stuff he has been doing. So we kind of faded away and stopped talking to each other. One day I checked his Facebook and it said single, I was shocked so I texted him to confront him about it which ended in him saying have a good life. So another 3 weeks go by and we didn’t talk at all, and to be honest I was kind of okay with it. Then one weekend I was drunk and did what stupid drunk girls do and texted him asking him if we will ever get back together. He replied saying you need to move on, I hope nothing but the best, I want you to be happy, blah blah blah. So being really hurt from this I deleted him from Facebook and all our pics together. A few days later I texted him and asked if he would for coffee with me and I wanted to talk to him. He said he was really busy with work and he was going on a trip after, he asked what I wanted to talk about. So I told him I was so hurt that he didn’t even have courtesy to talk to me about breaking up (I basically attacked him, not my finest moment). He replied and said I let you down easy, and now your fighting with me, please stop talking to me. We haven’t talked in 3 days and I’m kind of going crazy. Oh and I signed up for plenty of fish (which is nothing but perverts btw) and I seen that he is on there, and he has looked at my profile. I just want to know if I completely ruined my chances?!
Betty

May 23, 2014 at 7:32 pm

I have on NC for 2 weeks. I notice he let grow a lazy beard, can that indicate something ? lol

admin

May 25, 2014 at 2:14 pm

Ya… hes depressed and too lazy to shave.

Madison

May 22, 2014 at 3:50 pm

Hi,
My bf and I were in a 9 year relationship. About 3 months ago he mentioned he wanted to take a break. to work on himself, or as he said to sort himself out. I of course texted called and begged everyday since. He mentioned each time I try to force the issue I am not giving him the time or space to think things through.He has agreed to meet with me then to only say hes not ready and doesn’t show up. Then a few days later will message me. I feel no contact is the only way to resolve this….any ideas or advice on why he is acting this way?

admin

May 23, 2014 at 4:03 pm

9 year relationship and no talk of marriage?

Erin

May 21, 2014 at 12:45 pm

I was dating my guy for two months. Instant connection. Even he couldn’t stop commenting on how scary (in a good way) it was to be sooo comfortable with me. He still drew a line, tried to slow the pace of something that was moving naturally. He feared jumping into a relationship would be a mistake because every relationship has failed that he’s jumped into. I was also the first girl he could see himself marrying since the one who broke his heart a year ago, so he had this fear of getting close/screwing it up/getting hurt, etc.

Still, he wanted me to be 100% myself and open up to him. I remained guarded inside, but was still acting naturally with him. I refrained from the what are we talks, are you hooking up with anyone else, etc, because I didn’t see a need to rush it. I knew he’d come around when he was ready because all of his actions and words made me feel confident he would.

Two weeks ago, he texted me drunk, telling me he fell in love with me. That I possess every quality he’s looking for in a wife and he knows love is a heavy word to use, and he knows he’s had a few beers, but this is real to him and he thinks we should talk about being exclusive. Fast forward a week later, he slowly grows distant, still spends time with me, but the connection feels off.
I confront him and he blindsided me.

He’s not ready for a serious relationship. He still wants to be a dude, not worry about someone else’s feelings. He knows he’s going to screw it up because he’s not ready to give up his independence. He doesn’t want to feel responsible or guilty for hurting me feelings when he messes up. He meant those words at the time because he’s a very passionate and in the moment kind of person; however, he cannot bring himself to label us. Once you label it, he said everything changes. And when he is a boyfriend, he always puts the girl first and makes sacrifices, all things he cannot do now. He still wanted to continue seeing me the same way and didn’t know why it had to end.

We left deciding that I needed to figure out what I want. He thinks I should date other men, still be his friend and see him, and he thinks I’ll realize I still want him after going on a few dates, that I’m the girl for him and the timing is just off with us right that. That I’ll come back to him later and we will rekindle and go from there. He said he call me later that night when we were parting ways, but never followed through. It’s now been almost three days and I’m scared he changed his mind, maybe he never loved me. It hurts because for the first time in my life, I thought I found the one. What should I do?

jenn

June 7, 2014 at 1:23 am

I would love a response to this as i am going through almost the same situation… My guys said he loves me and all that…. and said I’m the one but he is not looking for anything serious as his ex messed up his head. I let the no commitment and no title happen for 6 months till i cam to my senses and RAN! When told him I’m not doing this anymore hr cried a lot but did not say he was ready to try a committed relationship. It has been 4 day NC and I’m doing great and know i can handle no contact for a month and till i clear my head. ( I’m a Taurus … pretty stubborn)
admin

June 7, 2014 at 4:49 pm

Im a Taurus too!!!

Keep on keeping on with the NC.
admin

May 21, 2014 at 4:14 pm

How old is he?
Erin

May 21, 2014 at 7:08 pm

Almost 29

sherry

May 21, 2014 at 5:43 am

Hey Chris,

So I’ve been with my ex for 7 months and we just broke things off last night. We never had a terrible relationship. He claims that he is emotionally messed up and needs to get his mind clear and what not (completely understandable). We both fell pretty hard for each other But my life due to certain events made things a bit harder for him, he never knew what to do or How to help or How to feel about the events going on. Which is also understandable due to the fact that we have a long distance relationship -I’m in new York and He’s in Toronto… what has me bent is that we both share so much love for each other and when ending things he asked me to promise to wait for him, in which I said I wouldn’t do forever. What is your input on him asking me to promise such a thing?

admin

May 21, 2014 at 2:42 pm

Why was he emotionally messed up?
sherry

May 21, 2014 at 7:03 pm

He isn’t good with venting and letting people in. Partly because of his past relationship, also not being able to know How to deal with my emotions on top of his. He says he has things going on in his life that he needs to figure out. He also text me saying that he wants to be with me, he just can’t. I haven’t responded to his texts.

princessleia

May 18, 2014 at 3:30 pm

I had this relationship for over 18 months. The last 9 months were long distance, well because he said he wanted to try because he cares about me and he sees me as 80 yo sitting with him and watching our grandchildren. It was successful, even though we were separated (US to Europe) we visited each other for two three weeks every two months. Then suddenly over skype we had a fight because I told him I do not feel as i am his priority in his life and he always finds excuses and changed his mind and said he doesnt wanna move to US even thought he promised me (did the same thing twice). He said he wants to focus on his career and have a relationship with me. I said okay let’s break up because you know I cannot come there for a year and you are not willing to sacrifice just a year so I can come to your country, lets break up. He cried and he said he has hopes he doesnt want to lose me.. But then suddenly he changed his mind and said he doesnt see me in his future. So we broke up. Yesterday it was almost 2 months with NC simply because I do not want to even though I terribly miss him and wish him to come back. But yesterday I had to contact to ask him to forward an e-mail with some licensing information because I deleted that mail. I simply ask hello, could you please send this, thanks. That is it. He replied and wrote sure, no problem. Then he asked ‘How are you doing?’ ..I do not wanna answer him because simply I do not think he cares about how I am doing and I do not simply wanna talk to him. But I am telling it is rude to not answer. Why couldn’t he just write ‘Sure, no problem’ why did he ask how i am doing? Was it just being nice or can there be something more? What should I do or should I answer, or what should I answer? Thanks.

admin

May 20, 2014 at 9:00 pm

How far away were you?
princessleia

May 24, 2014 at 7:17 pm

So what do you think?
princessleia

May 21, 2014 at 4:01 am

I am in DC and he was in Berlin
princessleia

May 21, 2014 at 4:05 am

we have dated exactly 18 months 9 months together and 9 months long distance. during long distance we visited each other like every 2 months for two to three weeks and had really nice time. I know i can live without him, I am not needy but sometimes it still hurts me he said that he doesnt see me in his future after crying about 30 minutes and said he is afraid of losing me, after sending a love letter and stuff. I cannot believe how his feelings have changed that fast. it makes me feel like he already thought of it and moved on, and waiting for me to understand. So I feel very complicated and sad out of a stupid “How are you doing?” question. I thought I healed and I was not thinking of him at all.

Elizabeth

May 16, 2014 at 4:26 pm

Okay so… with the angry guy, the answer is YES. I want to do this again.. more than anything in the world. I feel so awful for all of the mistakes I have made. I have spent the last 5 days thinking of ways to make it better and I want to call him and show him how I can change all of this. This no contact thing is killing me and it has only been 2 days. I’m supposed to sit back and just let him hate me and have all of these horrible associations with me? PLEASE help me. I love him so much and I can’t take this pain anymore. He has given me so many chances and I have failed. I don’t know what to do. I can’t even function.

admin

May 20, 2014 at 8:30 pm

Right now isn’t the best time to “change his mind” about you. Timing is important when it comes to this.

Cassie

May 16, 2014 at 12:34 pm

This may get a little long.I’ll try to keep it short. He’s of a religion that states he shouldn’t be with me before marriage.He was with me before marriage.He’s the sweetest and smartest guy I’ve ever met and despite cultural differences and a 12 year difference in age we have a lot in common.He broke up with me via text after I got angry with him on the phone when he called me on Monday(today is Friday).The anger was over him trying to tell me that he was going to change when he had to call me because he is trying to keep our relationship a secret.Yes I know that sounds bad already but I was willing to wait forever for him to figure out how having me wasn’t going to destroy his life and religion.I realize now that I caused him to be angry at me for not even listening to the plan before raising my voice and then made things worse by texting him when he left me to protect me from what he might say or do if the conversation continued.I furthered problems by not realizing I should stop contact for awhile and sent him a gmail.He responded by taking down a shared calendar and blocking me on gchat.The letter stated I would not contact him again but I failed at contact yet again when I called him to tell him that I hoped he would have a good day today because I knew he had something important to do today from a conversation we had a week ago.What do I do?Should I give up?What should I do if he responds?Or doesn’t?A lot of people in my life don’t want me to be with him.A person that does know about us on his end hates me because we love eachother.Please help me.What do I do?Did I ruin all chances for his return?Or should I let him forget me and follow through with his previous lifestyle.He said he loved me.We were sending loving texts back and forth all day on Monday 6 hours before I became stupid and complained about the possibility of having less time with him and now I have NO TIME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH HIM.:( I’m so sad.He showed me love and trust and I think I blew it.Am I wasting my time?

admin

May 20, 2014 at 8:17 pm

Who is older. Him or you?
Cassie

May 20, 2014 at 11:18 pm

I am. And I know what people think he was trying to do but he’s been here for 2 years and has just gotten his greencard this month. He actually helped me out financially quite a bit and would never let me pay for anything nor buy him anything. He would buy me whatever I wanted when we were together and would always get upset when I got the smallest thing or the cheapest thing. He often talked about what our kids would look like but refused to say I was too old. And he’s more mature than I am obviously as I was the one who was continuing to bait him into responding. Thank you for trying to help me.
Cassie

May 25, 2014 at 10:12 am

Well he called me after sending me text messages that basically blamed me for the breakup. He stated that he couldn’t take being asked it was over, over and over again. I texted him back and asked for my things but he wanted to send me everything…including things of a loving nature that I gave to him. I asked him why would he want to send those things if they were proof of our love? Even if it was over? So I told him that if he sent anything I would pay for it. He didn’t reply. The next day I called him one last time to tell him how I really felt. I told him that I understood he wanted me to leave him alone and that I would do so. I was finally ready for NC. So that night I leaft him alone. The next day I left him alone. That night he called me and told me he was going to send the items but he needed time because he was busy all this week. I said its ok. Do it when you can. I then asked if he was ok. He said he missed me and that over the past week he realized through some things that happened that I am his best friend. He said he didn’t want to lose me and that if I could friends with him. I asked him if he confessed because he had said he was at peace and to let him go and never call him again in a text. He said he did confess. This wasn’t what I wanted to hear because im sure we’ll never be together againnow…though a guy friend of mine disagrees and says he’ll risk losing his church for me all over again because it seems like he really cares about me. He did say he cares for me but I know he’s missed being part of that world and I can’t compete with God. So I just want to say that I think NC works if you do it right. I just did it a bit too late . I wish I had done it sooner so he mihht have come back to me as a boyfriend instead of just a friend. I will say I don’t know that I can be just friends with him even though I promised. I cannot imagine him telling me he’s dating and dealing well with it at all. And I did say to him not to tell me if he is or if he’s getting married and he laughed a bit at that one. I know that’s not realistic though. We talked for two hours and sometimes we got in an old habit of our old words but i am having trouble not using pet names and such. I told him I’m not quite ready to be only his friend. He said he understood. So should I just not encourage a friendship. I didn’t contact him last night and I have no plans to do it today/tonight either. Should I date to forget him..he did ask me about some guys that were talking to me on facebbok ( he was reading my page since the night he left me) and he said I could do whatever I liked. Still he did ask a lot about them. What do you think Chris. Should I just forget all about him?
Cassie

May 16, 2014 at 12:38 pm

oh…and we were together 9 months.

Red

May 16, 2014 at 2:52 am

Hey Chris!

Left you a comment in different section and two different e-mails (I know you don’t reply, I don’t mind, but if you read it that would be great!) 🙂

Anyway, I’m in my third week of NC, and I’m pretty close to the parents of my ex boyfriend… so during mother’s day, I greeted his mom, and when I knew he would be away at work, I went over to see her to give her some cake. I made sure I wouldn’t see him, and his mother has actually been keeping our interactions a secret from him, but since I left some cake in their house, and I didn’t want her to lie for me, I said I guess it would be okay if you say I just passed by to give you cake. It’s really not for him anyway, and I really wanted to do something for his mom, since she also cried when she found out we broke up, because it broke her heart too.

Anyway, that night, I guess he came home from work and saw my mother’s day gift. He sent me a message, pretty non-substantial, but I think he wanted to talk. It was like, “Hey… you there?”

I didn’t reply, but you know how iMessage has read receipts? I know this is such a shallow question, but do you think it would be better if I “marked it as read” and didn’t reply to it, or should I just not click the message so it would seem I never even read it? What would be better?

Sorry to bother you with such a question. I just wanted to hear someone else’s opinion on this! Thanks again, Chris. Oh, and if you’d like to comment on my actions re: giving his mom something, please do. I don’t want to jeopardise my chances on getting him back, but his mom does keep in contact with me, and I wanted her at least to be happy. She told me that ever since the break up, her son hasn’t wanted to go out, and he didn’t even want to celebrate mother’s day dinner. 🙁 I honestly don’t know what he’s thinking (but I have an idea after reading your guide!). He’s so stubborn, keeps on saying, “No, we’re not getting back together, I won’t go back” but he’s acting like a caveman and not enjoying himself at all.

admin

May 20, 2014 at 6:17 pm

I don’t think its that big of a deal to mark it read or not read to be honest.
Red

May 16, 2014 at 1:05 pm

Chris, I realized there’s another “Red” commenter in your website… but I’m sure you can tell us apart from our e-mail address? :))

Update! I ignored his first message and he messaged again almost 20 hours later, saying something like, “Hey hey why didn’t you tell me you’d pass by?” I didn’t even get the urge to reply because ugh, I really did it for his mom. This guy of mine wants to remain friends but I’m staying strong during NC. I’m at day 20 already! This was a positive response, right? I’m afraid of being friend zoned but I think I’ll follow your guide as much as possible (as you know, I bought your book :D).

Any comments from you re: what I did for his mom? I really love his mom, but do you think I should keep in contact with her or will this ruin my chances?
admin

May 20, 2014 at 8:21 pm

Positive response I sure think so!

Jemma

May 15, 2014 at 8:44 pm

Hi chris. Back again!

Basically did NC, went great and my ex text and called me so much. We had to arrange drop offs of belongings etc and last night he came to my house so i could fix his ipad. This is what happend(bear in mind this is the first time we have seen each other since the break up and properly spoke)

He came with our mutual friend. We sat and has a great laugh. We chilled (three of us) and then his friend left about 9. He stayed and i said i would take him home. We spoke for hours about all the happy memories and didnt stop laughing! It felt so good that we literally had no hard feelings. He then told me he split with me due to major stress because he got himself into a bit of debt that he has now cleared and sorted out. He also said that ending it with me was the hardest thing he has ever done and that he was so unhappy no speaking to me all this time(1 month). He pulled me close to him and hugged me really tight and told me he has been dying for a hug for so long. He didnt let me go and we kissed and cuddled and spent the remained of our time together being really happy. I took him home and he text me within 10 mins of leaving him. Saying how good a night he had has and that as soon as he seen me he wanted to kiss me. He told me how happy he was to be texting me again and that he hated not being able to speak to me. We spoke for a while then he went to bed and told me to text him the next day. So basically everything that i had ever hoped for happend!!! I was over the moon and woke up so happy today.

Now for the issue:

Basically we have all of the same friends. Everyone was supposed to be coming to my house on friday night including my ex. And he said last night that he was coming. But now ive learned that all of the guys are just going to my ex’s house instead meaning ive had to cancel the night in mine because all the guys have pulled out for his! Why do this when he said he was coming? Then when speaking to him today he was being really wierd again and acting like he wasnt bothered and basically like last night didnt even happen!

My head is completely messed up now. Im so confused. I havenf argued with him about anything and just ended the conversation because he was being so dry.

How has he gone from last night to today.

What is going on in his mind?
and
What should i do?

Please answer these two questions. I have SO much faith in your work. It totally works but I’m so confused as to what has happened here. Thanks for your time.

admin

May 20, 2014 at 5:39 pm

The issue confuses me. Could you explain it better for me?
Jemma

May 20, 2014 at 6:59 pm

I did No contact, it went well and he called and text numerous times and i stood my ground and only replied to the ones which regarded his belongings. We went a month without seeing each other(which is huge considering how every single one of our friends are mutual) during the time apart i changed my appearance and made positive changes in my life! He kept asking for a meet up, aparently for me to fix his ipad. I eventually agreed since i had done no contact. He came over to my house that evening with a friend(i expected him to come alone but the friend acted as an ice breaker since he was my friend also) the three of us(my ex, our friend and i) enjoyed each others company for a few hours and had fun! Eventually the friend left my house and my ex decided to stay a bit longer. When it was just us two the topic of conversation changed to all our good memories and we laughed the full time. He explained why he broke up with me and told me he found it so hard and basically said he regretted it. He kept complimenting my looks and said he missed speaking to me. He asked me to hug him because hes been desperate for a hug from me for so long and he held me so tight. When he went home that night he started messaging me saying things like “as soon as i seen you i wanted to kiss you” and “im so happy to be speaking to u again” he told me to text him the next day when he went to bed. I had arranged a party in my house for a few days later and invited him and all our friends. Initially he was going to change all the plans and have all the guys come to his house which means nobody would really come to mine? But everything worked out and the party in my house went ahead and he came.

Problem is, after all the flirting and him saying all those nice things so me when it was just me and him in my house a couple of days ago – he started to act like he didnt care again THE NEXT DAY. At my party, he didnt speak to me. But i caught him looking at me the entire night and got the impression he kept trying to make me jealous by talking about other girls with his guy friends. The next day after the party i said i was confused and would appreciate if we could meet up and talk things through because nothing really made sense. He said he would come up tuesday (tonight) and we could talk. Tonight came and he text me earlier saying he couldnt make it because he had to work late. He didnt offer to reschedule or apologise.

Im just left feeling confused by his behaviour. When we were on our own and even with our mutual friend last week (the night i fixed his ipad) things were amazing. I felt so happy with everything he said to me and i genuinely belive he meant it. He held me so tight and didnt want to leave that night! He kissed me like he did when we were happy together and we literally laughed the full time. So why has he confessed all of this and acted the way he did towards me to revert back to the “i dont care attitude” the next day and barely acknowladge me at the party and then cancel on me tonight?

Thanks hope this helped to explain a bit further.
Jemma

May 22, 2014 at 7:16 pm

Any idea on this? X

Gia

May 15, 2014 at 1:52 pm

And he contacted her that same day but hasn’t with me yet? Is it that he his just salvaging whichever girl he can?
Gia

May 15, 2014 at 1:17 pm

And regarding my last post wanted to add extra info for those that will help me and reply ..my and her relationship with him were both year and a half deals. Now in a month and a half he is moving to a different state for his fellowship.
Gia

May 15, 2014 at 1:08 pm

Does the no context rule work if he was juggling girls or had a relationship with one or more lasting just as long as yours and you caught him and told the other girl out of sympathy for her?

admin

May 15, 2014 at 2:25 pm

No contact rule can be effective but I think the question you have to ask yourself is why do you want a guy back who was juggling you?

jordyn

May 14, 2014 at 3:25 pm

My ex and I broke up in march, we talked almost everyday after the break up to talk about how we felt over one another and what happened with everything. Then a few days later ended up dating his ex again whom he has a child with. I was so heartbroken it threw me right into deep depression especially having things get worse and worse from that point on in my life. Family friends u name it and it took a bad turn on me. He knew about everything that went bad for me and i asked him to be there for me at one point but instead i got a text that read “sorry about what happened to u”. This all went on for a month which I did nothing but drink and smoke like no tomorrow. The last time I talked to him he told me ive acted crazy and he doesnt feel the same. So I stopped messaging him. About a week later my co workers were telling me they see him coming into the store a couple times with his baby. He lives in a different area. So I was confused on why he would come all the way out here just to pick up a couple things. After that I messaged him saying I forgive u with everything and im sorry for everything I did. He apologized as well. I would wait a few days to text him asking how he was doing and things were fine. Then out of the blue he asked if I was seeing someone. I told him I was. Then he stopped messaging me. Im now at day 5 of no contact. So my question is what does this all mean? Does he want me back or just want to keep me on some kind of leash?

jordyn

May 14, 2014 at 7:04 pm

The reason I say on a leash is because he can be stubborn and easily gets lonely. Hes that type of person that has to have someone there for him and only for him. And thats all ive done throughout our relationship and when the time came that I couldn’t be there becuase of work or anything like that, thats when he started seeing her. And I know they are not together anymore, he and I both knew how she was. When it came to both him and I hanging out with his friends or family he always acted neutral or on occasion showed his goofy side. But with just the two of us alone together I saw every side to him good bad and even the best and not a day went by where we couldn’t be ourselves around each other. He said thats what he loved most about me. And thats something she could never let him do. Just by who he is i know ill at least hear from him again but idk if its mainly if he gets tired of her for a while or if its because he actually misses me.
admin

May 15, 2014 at 2:16 pm

Oh, so he is the type of person that always has to be in a relationship?
jordyn

May 15, 2014 at 7:19 pm

Well not 100 percent but I know he likes feeling like hes someone to somebody and if they aren’t there all the time he gets to acting like they are abandoning him.

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