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Ayla
June 23, 2014 at 3:15 pm
Me and my boyfriend broke up about a month ago after just over 2 years being together. He ended it with me, and I genuinely don’t know why. I cheated on him when we first got together, but he said that he’d forgiven me for that and that I hadn’t done anything else to emotionally hurt him since. Towards the last few months of our relationship, we argued… a lot. At least once a day, about the silliest things. I noticed that he started to change, his attitude towards me, his behaviour towards me, and he’d spend all time playing games on his phone. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, so I know that I could sometimes be boring, having to sleep all day and not being much fun to be around. After 3 years of having it, I feel like I’m finally getting over it. But every time I asked him if he wanted to go out, he’d say no and we’d end up just staying in doing nothing. He stopped being “romantic” towards me, he wouldn’t take me out or do little spontaneous things towards me, and I felt like I was just putting in more effort whilst he was lowering his effort. I do love him, and I want to be with him. I’m currently do the NC thing for 30 days. We broke up on good terms. He said that he still wanted to be friends with me, that he loved me but he just couldn’t be with me because of the arguments… this is where it confuses me. The reason we argue is because of him not being himself towards me. He’s cold, stubborn and just plain rude. He’s not the same person he was around 6 months ago. We’ve been having really good days out since we broke up, we still met up with each other, kissed, cuddled ect and we still spoke to each other all the time, as well as having the odd phone call. I want us to get back together, and I know that if the arguments were to stop, then he would too because he’s said that. But he just doesn’t understand that the reason we argue is because of the way he treats me. Will this NC rule change his attitude towards me? Sometimes he can be real sweet towards me, and other times he’s just nasty. I don’t need this guy in my life, I’ve lived without him once before and I’m sure I can do it again but the fact is, that I want to be with him. I know deep down that the way he is acting towards me at the moment, isn’t really him… that he’s doing it out anger because of the arguing. I admit, I used to treat him terribly. Like I said before, I did cheat on him with my ex about 3 weeks into our relationship, and I always took his love for granted. That was until about a year ago, that I realized I really loved this guy and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I told him that I’d understand if he wanted to end things with me, but he said that he wanted to be with me. That’s when things started going downhill, it’s like he’s doing this as his revenge on me, which is really immature. Karma right?! Well, no not really. I’ve spent the last year making it up to him as best I can. I can’t change the past, but I can change the future. I do really romantic things for him. I asked him if he trusts me 100% and he said that he does… I’m just so confused.
So yeah, I’m wondering… what the hell is happening?! Is he falling out of love with me? Is there any chance he can fall back in love with me? After the NC rule of 30 days, should I message him first? Should I ask to see him? or should I leave him to ask me? I really miss him and it’s not even been a day, so I know this is going to be really difficult. It was only yesterday that I saw him and we had a really good day, just having fun and being ourselves… (like I said, sometimes he can be so sweet & that’s the guy I’m in love with). I love that he can be stubborn sometimes, it’s not a bad thing, it’s who he is. But everything else, it’s just not him. He says he can’t be loving towards me… what does that mean?!?! He’s not the type of person to move on so fast, he was single for a long long time before he got with me, and I trust that our relationship meant more to him than to get with someone else within a month. I’m not fussed about that, because even if he did, it’s just a rebound from me.
What should I do?! and how do I make him know that I don’t want to be “just friends” without actually telling him that?
admin
June 24, 2014 at 6:32 pm
How early was the cheating into the relationship?
(B/c most people have a hard time getting over it that quickly.)
L
June 23, 2014 at 2:33 am
My boyfriend and I have a pretty deep bond. We were each other’s first every things even though we are in our 20’s. He is very introverted and I’m very extroverted and overtime he became stressed with work and depressed. I was very patient and very understanding and gave him space but at the end of it he wanted to break up, telling me he wants me in his life and still wants me to call him and text him and that he cares a lot about me but he see’s me as “just a friend,” which is something I absolutely disbelieve wholeheartedly and know it is just a cop out. I told him that if he wanted me in his life so badly he’d have to figure it out because I wouldn’t be calling/texting. Now, when I gave him his stuff back (jacket/book) I had forgotten there was a letter that I had written when he had pushed me away and he had told me I deserved better. In it I wrote that all I wanted was him as himself, etc and that it was not about what anyone thinks or believes I deserve because it didn’t matter to me if it wasn’t him. I just recently found out that he’s told his mom that he misses me and liked hanging out with me. He also blew up on his sister (he’s generally really reserved) after she used and messed up a sautee pan I gave him for valentine’s day (he’s a chef.) I then found out he had found the letter and it’s been in his room on his desk opened and read. He was pretty set on breaking up with me during the two weeks we had been going back and forth on a “break” and then the final “break-up” so I know he thought long and hard about doing it. But, I want him back. I haven’t had the urge to text him (I’m on day 7) and I’ve been going out and doing my best to move along in life but I am just having trouble getting into his head and figuring out if him still having that letter on his desk is damaging to me getting back with him or if it’s for the better?
admin
June 23, 2014 at 2:29 pm
I just think you should finish out your NC… I think he definitely misses you.
L
June 23, 2014 at 2:36 am
Also, to clarify – he had the letter post-breakup, when I forgot I had hid it in a book of his to keep it from anyone seeing.
Jourden
June 21, 2014 at 11:03 pm
So he broke up with me three days ago and I went a little crazy. I blew up his phone like a mad woman! He ignored all calls and texts. I then decided to do NC. Did I kill my chances?
admin
June 22, 2014 at 3:44 pm
No you didn’t kill your chances.
Anne
June 19, 2014 at 9:31 pm
Hello,
here is my story:
I complained to my ex too much about all the problems in my life and overwhelmed him. He ended the relationship, never said why (only that his feelings changed which i think is because of the way i was using him). I did the NC and recently sent him an appology text message for the way i treated him. He hasn’t responded. If he does / does not respond, what should my next steps be?
admin
June 21, 2014 at 7:30 pm
Well, the apology text should not have been the way to go…
Kelly
June 19, 2014 at 8:21 pm
Hi Chris,
My boyfriend broke up with me almost two months ago.
We had breaks before (initiated by him) that lasted about a week but I always convinced him to come back.
We fought quite a bit, mainly because he saw his friends more than me and kept adding girls on Facebook knowing I didn’t like it.
When he broke up with me he said he doesn’t feel the same and refused to sort things out saying its better this way.
He checked up on me few days after the break up to see how I was doing however kept saying we need to move on.
I kept thinking of strategies to get him back all failed. So I started no contact about a month into the break up and its been nearly 30 day’s and no message.
admin
June 21, 2014 at 7:28 pm
No worries, you can still contat him after NC.
Kelly
June 21, 2014 at 8:20 pm
How can I contact him if he still hasnt unblocked me from anything? I know where he lives and works but I think he will find that a bit stalkerish if I show up there. Plus last time I talked to him (26 days ago) he really wasn’t showing any interest in getting back together.
admin
June 22, 2014 at 3:39 pm
Yes that would be stalkerish…
Did you by any chance read my “blocking” page.
Kelly
June 22, 2014 at 11:19 pm
Yes I read that page and all other pages.
However the full block out is because I told him to block my number and facebook and only unblock it if he cares. So technically the ball is in his court. So he didnt block me because he was angry or getting revenge.
Kelly
June 19, 2014 at 8:24 pm
Also he has cut off all forms of communication mainly because I asked him to block me and only unblock me if he cares.
Kelly
June 19, 2014 at 8:26 pm
Also we were together 14 months.
Lina
June 19, 2014 at 11:26 am
Hello Chris.
His mother died.. Should I still keep up the no contact rule or should I go and comfort him? (It’s been only 10 days).
Waiting for your answer.
admin
June 21, 2014 at 7:12 pm
Hmm… very tricky. Do you think hed be that upset if you kept ignoring him.
La Menefee
June 19, 2014 at 6:39 am
My ex was the very very angry reaction after our breakup …. ignored my text, calls …didnt want anything to do with me … he ultimately made the first move and texted me unexpectedly, after 40 days of NO CONTACT ” Hey I kno u prolly think I was harsh on u..but dats something I didn’t wanna do but u drove me there..do hope u ok and still tryna work on u..” Sounds like a different tune to me, NOT angry ( may even expect me to text or call a million times ) .. but I haven’t acted on it nor thought about it .. Im still in NO CONTACT mode, working on myself … what’s his reaction now?? What’s going on in his mind? ?
admin
June 20, 2014 at 7:47 pm
I think its a good sign. Why are you still continuing NC though?
La Menefee
June 20, 2014 at 10:51 pm
I dont want to jump the gun ..even tho he’s the one that broke up with me I want him to see that I dont need him, show him that im working on me ..I want a relationship with him again a better one but I also want him to make the first move eventually show me if he wants to have a relationship with me or not …
belle
June 18, 2014 at 6:36 am
my ex blocked me on fb and doesnt reply to me because I was bothering him after the break up and blame him for the failed relationship we had. I apologized to him via email before begining NC. His family informs me that he still uses the things I gave him and our picture still hangs in his room. Will NC work on him, I think he is combination of an angry guy and stubborn?
admin
June 18, 2014 at 2:03 pm
It definitely can.
Carrie
June 18, 2014 at 12:45 am
HI! 🙂 So here’s my story: I was dating this guy for almost 3 months. We met online and everything was going well and he seemed really into me. He even had me meet his parents from out of state. Long story short, when I brought up the topic of DTR ( something I felt i had to do since I saw he was still active on the dating site) he said he wasn’t ready to have a girlfriend. He also knew that he didn’t want to lose me because he was being honest, and was feeling really torn. I’ve have gotten burned in the past when having this conversation late in the game, which is why I felt it was important to me to know where we stood. I also know he got out of a 3 year relationship almost a year ago.
Long story short, I told him we needed to do the right thing and go our separate ways. So basically I broke up with him. He asked if we could remain friends and I graciously declined. Mind you this conversation took place over the phone. Shortly after we hung up he texted me to thank me and apologize for having led me on. I never replied. This was almost 2 weeks ago and I haven’t heard from him since.
My question is this: can the strategies in the ebook still work even though I told him we couldn’t be friends? Also, does the ebook cover all the topic discussed on the site?
I feel bad, because I think I may have jumped the gun. But I also didn’t want to put myself in a potential unhealthy situation. He seemed like a nice guy and all in all we had a great time together.
admin
June 18, 2014 at 1:44 pm
The E-Book was meant to be universial!
Marie
June 16, 2014 at 7:48 pm
So me and my ex were together for about a year and 3 months. We were friends 3 years before we started dating. He was always trying to get me and I always turned him down. I was the type of girl that didn’t date anyone. Got asked out all the time but I always turned everybody down. Well he got into a relationship with a girl and I realized that I had some feelings for him and I was so upset. They didn’t last very long. We started talkin and dated each other after about 2 months of talkin. Well he’s the type of guy who is easily and constantly influenced by his friends. His friends aren’t exactly good influences. We had a break for about a week and this was about 10 months into our relationship. He started being a jerk to me and he was actin like his friends. Well about a month later we broke up. We were broke up about a month and a half. We got back together for about 3 months.We just recently broke up about 9 days ago. Everytime we break up it’s because of the same reason. He gets bored with a relationship and wants to “run wild”. He’s 19 and so am I. I don’t understand how he can say he loves me but then say he doesn’t wanna be tied down. We were talkin about gettin a place and everything and then outta nowhere he started gettin distant. He started takin me for granted and quit respectin me. He was my first everything! I was his first love. I’m always he one to break up with him. The night I broke up with him, Saturday he started posting pictures of Facebook of him and his friends. I deleted him and quit following him on Instagram. He owed me 20 bucks. Sunday he called and texted me about where to get my money. Well the following day Monday he texted me askin if I got my money. Well Monday night I put a picture up on Instagram. It said if you can’t appreciate my presence then appreciate my absence. That same night he quit following me and he made a status about it. My brother showed me this btw. Well Tuesday, he made another status sayin the trick to survival is to know what to throw away and know what to keep. It was definitely aimed at me. I been on NC for 7 days now. I have no idea what’s goin on in his head. Can you please tell me if and possibly when he’ll try to contact me? I don’t want him out of my life for good. I just feel like he doesn’t care. He told me that he wanted to settle down with me but he wanted to run wild.
admin
June 17, 2014 at 8:29 pm
How long did you two date for?
Marie
June 18, 2014 at 12:27 am
A total of a year and 3 and a half months.
Marie
June 19, 2014 at 12:36 pm
Tuesday night my ex asked my bestfriend about me. She said he looked sad. Yesterday I tried to add em as a friend on Facebook. I figured we could at least be civil. He texted me sayin why the hell would you delete me then try to add me? I told him I was bein nice but I won’t do that anymore. He texted back sayin you know we can’t be friends. We couldn’t before and we never will be. I can’t look at you like a friend. I said okay well sorry I even bothered. He said you’re not botherin me but I can’t look at you without thinkin it. I said we were friends for 3 years and best friends for a year. I’m sorry I don’t want you completely out of my life but if that’s how you feel that’s cool too. I wish you the best of luck. He texted back sayin you know we can’t be friends. We’re like magnets once were around each other were stuck together. I said okay just forget it. Is it just too early for him to come around? Has he not been hit with the realization of the break up yet? It’s only been a little over a week.
CuteAndConfused
June 16, 2014 at 3:19 pm
So confused.
I am in a relationship with a guy everything had been great, great conversation phone calls. I know that communication for long periods of time during the day can be a bad thing but I enjoyed our conversations through text and calls tremendously. We have slept together twice and he’s is good at reinforcing positive attention and affection day hours after and during the day which made me secure. We’ve been on numerous dates. Now the text and calls are minimum. When I asked will I see him he says no. He still text and calls but like I said its everyday but limited. Good morning text calls me babe. I am thinking about starting the NC program bc I don’t know what else to do. I have already discussed that things are changing and he insist they are no but it seems to be getting worse where he’ll text I answer then he doesn’t respond anymore and I won’t hear from him until a good morning text the next day. Please help! Should I do the ignore nc or am I being paranoid he currently text good morning babe and I didn’t respond yet just invade I need to start ignoring him so that he shapes up!
admin
June 17, 2014 at 8:22 pm
When did the breakup occur before you got this text?
CuteAndConfused
June 19, 2014 at 2:41 am
Before… We never officially said were broken up its just dissipating no real conversation. We used to speak everyday now once a day with no text as of yesterday I never responded to his last text in fear that’s all it will be after my reply. Silence!
CuteAndConfused
June 22, 2014 at 12:48 pm
I haven’t seen him now going on three weeks just good morning text or that one check in text during the day no calls or anything. It’s pretty much over. I don’t know what to do. I’ve already stated on a no confrontational way of prioritizing he responded he’s no stopping his plans. So I’m pretty much done. Bc I can do with out throne text per day he initiates I reply then silence. No calls. When I did ignore him for and entire day he had an heart attack and text why he hadn’t heard from me but something it’s up.
admin
June 22, 2014 at 3:47 pm
So, you have one more week of NC left?
CuteAndConfused
June 22, 2014 at 9:40 pm
No I never really started it bc I wasn’t sure if it would work for me. I told him it was over. I text to see if he would make up an excuse about seeing me he did. I told him I didn’t want to do this anymore bc I feel he’s lying no response after I text. So I will be starting today. I told him I deleted all his pictures and I believe he has someone else although I have no proof but his actions says he does. I’m hurt.
alice
June 16, 2014 at 12:59 pm
My boyfriend broke up with my 3ish weeks ago and we were talking after it about why he decided to end things. We were together for nearly 2 years. He ended things because it was “better in the long run”. And because his family would not accept me (religious differences), however, neither of us are specifically religious. We are both 23 years old and we had a really good healthy relationship. I offered to change religions to help us be together but he wouldn’t accept this and said “it wasn’t worth it”. He said he “misses me a lot and is finding it hard to not talk but that he thinks it is the best thing to do”. It has been 4 days since the no contact. I really do want him back but he seems to have made a firm decision about the break up. Should I continue the no contact for 30 days?? Is there any hope??
viva
June 15, 2014 at 10:04 am
Hi Chris,
I am doing a 90 day NC and I am 30 days in. My ex has been contacting me a lot, and usually i would be happy about it… but now i feel that i deserve better and should do my best to move on completely. I was a mess when I first started, now I feel like I am growing into a stronger woman. Thank you for creating this guide, you have really helped me a lot. You should make a post on “life after a breakup”
Anonymous
June 14, 2014 at 11:14 pm
My issue is just totally surprising and heartbreaking I have kept my NO CONTACT RULE SINCE MARCH 24 2014 a day before this day I meet my boyfriend of two years right after our evening meeting/date night he drops me home I send him a text in the morning saying good morning love u miss u .. I woke up so I thought I should msg him but then I see that even though he read my msg he was busy on his Facebook talking to other girls. YES TALKINH EXCHANING NUMBERS ASKING TO GO ON DATES I HAVE KNOWN HIM SINCE MY TEENAGE YEARS WHEN I WAS 18 NOW I AM 24.PRIOR TO THIS I FOUND OUT HE HAD MORE THAN OnE FB which he lied about. I was in one of them as his “in a relationship”. I never knew about his other two facebooks until one I found durning downloading fb messenger which showed the contacts number which are using it other I found 2 months after he said sorry I love u also he has asked me to marry him. Ii want to be on my own feet and said in a yr or two I my LOST MY VIRGNITY TO HIM I WAS 22 he currently just turned 30 in march 2014 I ACCEPTED HIM AS MY EVERYTHING I GAVE HIM MY ALL AND HE LIED TO ME CONTINUOUSLY WHY ?? Well this time I had enough and u sent him a text the next day after we meet well technically the day after I meet him because he did not reply that day he was busy on Facebook uploading his picx talking to other girls and when I confronted him he did not reply and then I cursed him out and then all he said was WE ARE DONE is this fair .. And no I am not ugly I have the body girls dream of and the perfect face to it as well. He always says I’m sexy beautiful nice words when we had conversations I do not understand why guys treat girls who are really pretty have everything a guy wants in a girl like this please I need you to tell me we have had no contact in our two yr relatio ship before but it was 1 week 2 week a month and have not meet 3 months we use to meet once a week very Sunday but he started ditching me for his cricket game he has with his friends and wanted me to meet when he is off work which is on a weekday I also work and go to colg in process of becoming a medical administrative and tech he drives a yellow cab we are from new York I’m from Brooklyn he is from the Bronx I do not drive he drives a mustang and Benz he has time to meet his friends and talk to other girls on Facebook and pass his number after he did all this with me why ? I need to know from someone outside my circle to answer this. From that day uptil now I have not contact him at all but I see him using his other 2 Facebook which I caught and blocked me from the one he had me on when he said WE ARE DONE. I HAVE SELF RESPECT I NEVER CONTACT WHEN A GUY DOES THIS TO ME ANY OF MY EXS FROM THE PAST WHO HAVE CHEATED THEY NEVER GET A CHANCE BUT HE TOOK MY VIRGINITY HE NEEDED THE CHANCE BUT HOW MANY CHANCES HE SO COLDHEARTED HOW CAN HE DO THIS TO ME IM SO HURT BUT I AM SO STRONG ASWELL. ANOTHER THING WE BOTH ARE PAKISTANI MUSLIM IM BORN HERE in brooklyn AND HE CAME to the Bronx from pakistan WHEN HE WAS 13 (my parents are cool about getting me married to who I want and so is his) I do not have a strict FAMily as you hear about Pakistani but we are cultured. I am just hurt and dissapointed I do know whenever he contacts me in life again he knows he will be sorry for what he did like he always is
Anonymous
June 14, 2014 at 11:30 pm
I also forgot to mention he meet one of the girl I caught him red handed with he took her out on date to a resturant she claims there was no sexual contact or touching kissing but she says he use to talk like a bf to her on the phone another girl I caught him talking to was he asking for her number but she did not give these two girls were from TANGO BUT ALSO ADDED ON HIS OTHER FB WHICH I DID NOT KNOW ABOUT WELL AFTER I FOUND OUT HE DELETED THEM FROM FB AND TANGO BUT HE STILL HAS OTHER GIRLS SHOWING PICTURES HE LIKED AND IN FRIENDS LIST HE HAS NOT BLOCKED ME FROM THE OTHER TWO FACEBOOM WHICH ARE TECHNICALLY LOOKING LIKE FOR HIS sluts but they all look like sults showing way to much skin some are not even close to good lookinh some are average and some are not bad looking but all different races. This all has been happening in two year of out relationship from DEC 2012 HE LIKED GIRLS PICX HE HAD MADE BOTH THESE PROFILES FEW MONTHS BEFORE we meet we first meet in nov 4 2012 after this month he has talked to girls and meet one I told u about rest he talks to on WhatsApp Viber tango and all these apps these sites are causing problems in a lot of relationships I see in this generation please help me out and give me a advice on what I should do
admin
June 15, 2014 at 6:16 pm
So, what do you need help with?
Anonymous
June 15, 2014 at 7:13 pm
I need to from my side is everything I’m doing good with the no contact because I’m not contacting and won’t contact because everything that happened is his fault and he needs to man up so until then I am just keeping the no contact and I just told u all this so you can understand my situation and let me know if I’m doing good from my side and I should be the one who should get the apology and not him because after I cursed him is when he came with the response we are done
jordyn
June 14, 2014 at 4:40 pm
Hey chris. I dont understand what is going on anymore. I stopped contacting him again and after another 15 days he continued to message me and when I didnt reply he stopped for a day then would message me again. Still I did not reply, then I started noticing his friends more and more most of whom wouldnt really say hi or anything. Then I would see his family a little more, this all went on for about a week in a half till just 4 days ago. A friend invited me and my bf to go shoot pool. We get to the place and I saw many of my exs friends there as well I thought ok whatever and once we go outside to have a cigarette my ex is walking up to the entrance. Of course we were all upset or mad. In the end we decided to just go to a different part of the building and shoot pool. Sure enough about 10 min in playing my exs best friend is walking back and forth from our table then stays for a long period of time in the bowling area right next to our table. The guys im with wanted to play air hockey so I continue with pool. About 5 min later I see them get mad and just take a seat at the table behind where im playing. I asked them who won and they didnt say anything. So when I finished the game they said they wanted a cigarette so as we r having one my bf said we should go your ex was watching you. I asked how he said where the food area is, he kept popping up and standing there acting like hes waiting then would literally watch you play he must have done that 4 times! Then he asked if we can go I said thats fine im just gonna use the restroom then we can. I went in and went to the one away from the pool tables and when I came out my ex was there. He started asking how I was doing and what ive been up to. And told him nothing just work and keeping myself busy. We talked for about 6 more minutes and during that my ex made every attempt to touch my shoulder or chin or stomach and then said so i know your birthday is coming up when is that? I told him this friday he goes o great thats kool. Then he asked who im with and told him my bf and friend and then immidiatly talked about his gf. And then said yea i thought about you the other day. I looked surprised then he gets a weird look and said i dont know why. I said to him wow way to make that sound like a bad thing. He asked how i told him just the tone and look you had made it seem like the worse. He laughed and then his friend walks over and said hey its ur turn man. Sadly that particular friend of his works with me at my store. And then my ex said ok well its so nice seeing you and then gives me a big hug. I then left with my bf and friend. They were both mad both with me and with him. I Iet it go sure enough my birthday was yesterday and I didnt get anything from my ex. The thing im getting really tired of is he keeps me within reach saying nothing to me but then when I start to pull away he starts talking and now what looks like if I ignore he will come look for me. Why does he do this?
admin
June 15, 2014 at 6:14 pm
Does he ever rely on you emotionally?
jordyn
June 15, 2014 at 8:38 pm
I would say so. He was always able to be himself around me. When ever a problem came about he always asked me to be there for him. But I geuss I just need to know now is should I just see if he wants to talk face to face? I just dont know what he wants anymore
jordyn
June 14, 2014 at 4:51 pm
And just for the record this particular place we went to is well known for the bar and games it has. Many people go there and my ex and I went there only about 3 times when we were together and that was a yr ago.
Summer
June 12, 2014 at 3:24 am
Should I tell my ex I’m doing NC or just stop communication all together? We’ve been trying to be friends so the communication lines are still open and there’s no bad blood.
admin
June 15, 2014 at 3:20 pm
Just stop all communication altogether.
Smitten
June 9, 2014 at 4:19 pm
I have a very different situation.
I had a male friend, ok more than friends but we haven’t SEEN each other in 8 years. We have been friends for 21 years. I don’t know why he didn’t tell his wife of 8 years about me, but he didn’t and she found an email and went crazy 2 weeks ago. I don’t blame her but he told me he will NEVER talk to me again. Will the NC even work in this situation? He is my best friend
IM HURTING please HELP
admin
June 10, 2014 at 3:36 pm
OMG he didn’t tell his wife about you?
She basically forbids him to talk to you again?
Smitten
June 10, 2014 at 4:59 pm
Yes, that the gist of it. I don’t know since I can’t talk to him. We have been friends (a little more than) for 20 years. Will NC work? I am having a very hard time coping
Rony
June 7, 2014 at 8:49 pm
Hi chris .. me and my bf have been with each others since 2 and half yrs ago we had several breakups and things always tended to get solved in the end, 1 and half month ago i broke up with him after he asked me to be his friend and dropping the commitment issue, i refused and applied NC since then , the very second day he was knowing that me and him won’t talk but he he sent me msg on whatsapp to remind me how will i managr to get somthn which i’vealready was seeking his help in but that b4 the break up ofcourse, whateva , i replied ill manage , he continued to send me msgs every 4-3 days but i was sharply and very very very briefly replying then i stopped replying him at all although he officially asked me if i’d like to meet him as he travel 4 work and now he is on day off and again i didnt reply the thing which tended to make him angry on me so he blocked me on whatsapp (im blocked already on facebook even when we were in relation coz he believed that it causes us to un necesary fights!) whateva, just after he blocked me on whatsapp i blocked him bk on whatsapp and still im on my NC , 21 days l8r he unblocked me on whatsapp and i noticed that ofcourse but i didnt unblock him bk and im still on NC 4 around 45 days. what do u think of his reaction and what shud i do (N.B/ i broke up coz i declared to him that i want to be married to him and i love him and now i can’t accept any less)
admin
June 8, 2014 at 8:12 pm
Any reason why you are trying to do NC for 45 days?
Rony
June 12, 2014 at 5:22 pm
Im inlove with him .. i want to get married to him and i want commitment .. he changed his mind in the middle telling that he want me as a friend, yes that wasnt his 1st time to ask 4 my friendship and he turn things to relationship later every time he ask 4 friendship, he does … committed one also!) he is sooooo insecure and have a stupid dellusions abt females from his past history on general prospective although of he find me INCOMPARABLE and he tells that i reach a place in his heart comes close to his family whom he treasure the most btw but still we fight out of insecurities either from him or from me! 🙁 but i was allowing this b4 coz he was just out of divorce and i wanted him to be firmly planted when he ays love u and i want u or made any desicions, now 1 yr and 5 months passed on his divorce and he is much more psychologically settled than b4 and he is progressing in baby step ( i can see that clearly) but on other hand i can’t deal with him as a friend and continue that lie , he is NOT my friend , i adore him and im rly madly inlove with .. ain’t that enough?!
Melissa
June 7, 2014 at 8:36 pm
I’m confused on this NC thing…. if i have a stubborn guy (I’m pretty sure i do) its a stand off right? Well if he gives in and does contact me I’m not supposed to reply right? It does not say when i should reply…. just do not respond or contact. I need a time frame. My guy has been having his friend contact me every 3 days or so(or so it seems). His friend is talking about his personal life and will occasionally throw in a single text bringing up his name. I have been ignoring any information he gives me on him even though i want to tell the guy to give him a message. What are the rules on this?
admin
June 8, 2014 at 8:10 pm
Depends on when he contacts you. But generally yes… you aren’t supposed to contact him back.
Amber
June 7, 2014 at 11:46 am
My ex and I were together for 8 months, and he broke up with me a little over a week ago. We had had a fight at my house and I was angry, ended up ignoring him for 3 days. When I finally messaged him, he was angry and told me he wanted nothing more to do with me. A little backstory on him: he’s a rash, shoot from the hip kind of guy, quick to assume the worst, blame, attack. He was insecure and jealous of all my male contacts during the time we were together, and 95% of the fights we had had to do with his presumed fears and the way he attacked me with them. Whenever that would happen, I couldn’t afford to get upset and angry back because he would tell me it was over and he wanted nothing to do with me. Then he’d disappear for a while until I’d call, begging for him to hear me out. When that would happen I’d ask for some space but he always broke that and wanted to see me right away. We would do that and it would seem like the argument never even happened in his book. I know I’m not perfect but it’s crazy being accused of not wanting him or cheating…I never did cheat, for the record nor did I want anyone else. When we did talk after the last fight, 3 days later, he said really harsh and nasty things, and wouldn’t listen to a word I said. He told me I caused the break up and I needed to live with that. It was obvious to me he was really really hurt and angry. I tried to appeal, but then he’d say I can’t do this, give me space. I told him I really loved him and I was willing to do whatever it takes to make it better; then we stopped talking a day. Then, not hearing anything I tried again but again he said he stood by his decision and he wasn’t going back on the break up, that he needed to be single. I tried again to prove myself still loving, that I needed him and wanted to make him happy, but he kept shooting me down. He wouldn’t reveal his feelings or discuss anything. He was total steel to my emotions and words. I got angry because this was done through text and demanded a phone call at least, and despite the fact he was nicer on the phone, I cried and cried because he wouldn’t budge or hear me out. I felt like he made up his mind despite the fact I would have made it better had be just talked to me.
So after all that, he didn’t Facebook block me; in fact, he said he wanted to be friends. We talked a few times there about trivial stuff, but anytime I brought up feelings, he’d suggest not talking anymore and that he didn’t want to hate me.
I feel like he’s not even dealing with his feelings about me. He’s so resolute in dumping me. I know that he cared a lot for me, because he hurt so much. Would NC remotely work on this guy? We live an hour apart, but we have the same friends. I want to do what’s right by him, but I also want to move on if I stand no chances.