The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,271 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Momo

July 29, 2014 at 4:24 pm

My boyfriend and I had been dating somewhat long distance for over 2 years. About three weeks ago I dumped him saying I couldn’t taking him not compromising on things for me (which ended up being things out of his control I couldn’t really complain about looking back, and he actually was compromising but I didn’t want to hear it) Sadly I had pushed him away more then once and he told me to think about it because this was going to be the last time. I told him I didn’t want to think about it and I wanted to be done. I have a huge problem with making quick decisions. Suddenly two days later I realized what I had done was a HUGE mistake and we started talking but he was hard set that we were done and he couldn’t take me back. I begged, pleaded, called, cried, the works. I asked him if he had slept with anyone else yet, he didn’t want to tell me, but I pushed him and he said yes about 2 weeks after we broke up he slept with someone. He gave in and saw me after three weeks of our break up, but only to get closure and move on. It wasn’t closure at all and brought on HUGE mixed signals from him. Saying he loved me but right now couldn’t be with me, that he really cares about me and part of him wants us to work out. He even ended up spending the night with, we kissed and hugged and cried. I begged more…he pushed back more..it was miserable. The next day he agreed that we could talk in 40 days. I drove home miserable and called him, we actually had an excellent talk and both felt in a good place.He even admitted that he felt lucky to have someone value and love him so much and be willing to work so hard for him. I felt hopeful. However, two hours later I panicked, what if he got in a relationship with someone in those 40 days? Called him again and made him promise to not get in a relationship from now till then. At first he was really mad saying that I need to get better for myself not for him, but he promised anyways. I feel like I keep pushing him to do things that I shouldn’t and I feel terrible. I don’t want him to resent me and now I’m worried about texting him in 40 days. He’ll be expecting me to so I wonder if I shouldn’t? Any advice would be great? Should I bother to think he would want me after all I put him through? Are these good signs that he keeps giving in or bad? Should I even text him on the date we settled on or no?

admin

July 30, 2014 at 2:00 pm

It’s just going to take time… give him that time.

Kate

July 28, 2014 at 1:57 pm

Hello again, well he did contact me the day after I posted this (weird timing), and I have followed your rules in regards to the first text and ending it really short. I have kept control of all the conversations and ended them first. The night he contacted me and I answered back, after I said bye he texted me two hours later and said lets hang out in two weeks when my fam isn’t home (I thought this was strange). So over the past few days he has been the one to contact me and I’ll respond with a few messages etc. He requested a few days ago that I unblock him on snapchat so I did today (I waited a few days to keep him on his toes). All in all at the end of the day after a few snaps he basically asked to be fwb (I’ll spare the details, every time he alluded to it I changed the subject). I slammed on the breaks in regards to that. Told him no, and reblocked him on snapchat. I tried to remain as calm as possible and not blow up on him. While we were together I made it known I was not going to engage in that kind of activity until I was ready (we never ended up having sex), so now why does he think I will do it now that we are broken up? I do not get it. Is this worth it now that all he wants is to be fwb? I am not dumb enough to fall into this trap, but I do not know how to approach the situation now. Should I still talk to him, or enter NC again for a while?

admin

July 29, 2014 at 1:26 pm

I am not a fan of FWB at all….

If that is all he wants from you thats really stupid on his part. Do you even want him back now?
Kate

July 30, 2014 at 5:19 pm

I care about him still but if that is the way he is going to be than no, I don’t want him back. He must think real highly of me if he doesn’t respect me enough to date me but asks to be fwb. I’m sure I am better off without him. Someone like that isn’t worth anyone’s time.
admin

August 4, 2014 at 1:47 pm

Thats the right attitude to have.

Lindsay

July 28, 2014 at 1:34 pm

Hi Chris,
I just had an out of the blue breakup with my boyfriend of 3.5 years. Boy, I could really use some advice…My situation is a bit tricky. My boyfriend and I live in the same city and he had been staying at my place every day from Feb – May (basically living together). He left in May to do an out of state internship. He did one out of state last summer too. Last summer, I was frustrated with him because he didn’t communicate with me as much as I wanted him to. He tends to be focused on what’s in front of him. So, it wasn’t too surprising to me that he has been bad with communication this summer. The internship is 2 and a half months. He has been pushing me away/communicating with me less and I wasn’t sure if it was just him being him or if something was up. Before he left, I thought everything was fantastic. I have been communicating more than him this summer, however, what he has been saying are things like “I am so proud of you 🙂 I love you” “Hey babe, how are you?” tons of lovey stuff like this – and sexy stuff. The plan was, I was going to drive and pick him up when his internship ended and we were going to go on a 2 week roadtrip. So we facetimed the other day and he said he wanted to do this in person but he doesn’t want to go on the trip with me. He said our personalities are different, we have different ways of solving problems, I can be too negative sometimes, our lives are going different directions, he doesn’t feel our relationship can last decades, he loves me, he’ll always love me but he’s not in love with me, doesn’t feel the same way about me that he used to. And he was lying to me and lying to himself. He said he thought he’d miss me more than he does and the distance has given him time to reflect (he’s working 15 hour days though). I haven’t seen him in 2 months and he will be home in two weeks. I didn’t get angry with him during the breakup but I ended the call. A couple hours later, I noticed he deleted me and my mom off his facebook. Then, I sent him two texts I know now I shouldn’t have “You deleted me off facebook too? Fuck you!!!” and “You are the biggest coward and liar I have ever met in my entire life. I thought you were a better man than that. Boy, was I wrong” I have implemented the no contact rule now, but he tends to avoid any communication/drama etc (I mean, I had no idea that he was upset about things in the relationship because he never communicated about them with me!). I am wondering if he will contact me at all…I also wonder if he’ll be thinking about me when he gets back. We have the same friends, live in the same neighborhood, etc.

admin

July 29, 2014 at 1:25 pm

I agree that NC is the best way to go at this point but I wish you hadn’t of said those “choice” words to him.
Lindsay

July 29, 2014 at 11:31 pm

I know, I know, I said them the night of the breakup because I was so shocked and upset and I regret it already. Do you think he’ll try to contact me in the next 30 days? I suppose apologizing would break the NC…What do you think?
admin

July 30, 2014 at 3:06 pm

I think eventually you two will talk again yes…
Lindsay

August 8, 2014 at 12:50 pm

He’s been away for over 2 months, and we never discussed any issues because he never brought them up, he dropped the bomb on me and that was the last time we talked and I was so shocked I couldn’t respond to his statements. I’m in NC now it’s been 2 weeks. Haven’t heard from him. After 30 days, I want to try to get together. Should we not discuss our relationship? I don’t see how we couldn’t…he never discussed anything and I never had a chance to respond. What do you think?

laila

July 28, 2014 at 1:08 am

hey , so my ex said dat i should do NC . it will make it easier for him to mve on when there is NC !! i dnt want to lose him 🙁 is it true dat NC will make hum forget abt me nd move on ??
what should i do Chris ! Thank youu
LISA

July 26, 2014 at 2:08 am

Chris..
I have a question..
I was in a LDR for over 6 months. I live in another country from him. I had visited him twice in the 6 months time span. I found out after the last visit that he had other women messaging him and another one had stayed at his place. He had told me that he loved me and was in love with me all the time. The communication that we had was only text message and he stated that texting wasn’t his bag. He was always inconsistent with communication. He couldn’t afford to call me. I would sometimes call him long distance. All of this came to fruition when the one girl messaged me on FB and said that he was her boyfriend. After he was found out and she confronted him, He cooled things off with me. He stopped talking to her. We never officially broke up and I will be moving to where he is next year. I agreed to the slow things or cool off. I always had treated him well and never lied or cheated or was needy. I never begged him, i accepted the decision he made by default. I have now set boundaries and told him that we can only be friends, because of the other women. He says he doesn’t want to know what i do, where i go and who I go out with now. I have started the NC with him and its been 5 days.
What is take on this.. Thanks.. Your site is very informative.

admin

July 28, 2014 at 2:37 pm

He seems a little fishy…

The other women… Thats not a good sign.
Lisa

July 28, 2014 at 3:31 pm

Thank you Chris.. I appreciate your input.. I thought it sounded fishy.. He stated that communication was stopped with the girl that thought she was his girlfriend.. He never owned up to the other one staying there. Since being long distance, I don’t know why he felt the need to treat me this was or be dishonest.
I will continue the no contact rule…
admin

July 29, 2014 at 1:32 pm

Definitely continue NC!
Lisa

August 2, 2014 at 8:00 am

Hi Chris…
Thanks again for all your advice..
I don’t think that I told you but the 2 other women that he was chatting or talking to were well before me..
I ended breaking the NC rule and he continues to say he loves me and apologizes for the women. He voiced the concern that we live Oceans apart or 5000 miles away,and try should try to communicate more, by Skype, text and phone. i will be moving to where he is next year, in June. I am in the military. This was last week. He texted me on Tuesday, but I never replied. I replied today 02Aug and he only viewed it but never replied. I made the mistake of telling him, that I was sorry that I had been distant…in the text. Bad move, I know..

Can I restart the NC rule again? And how long should I continue? This a LDR for almost 7 months now..
admin

August 4, 2014 at 2:38 pm

What did he say when you said that you were sorry you had been distant?
Lisa

August 5, 2014 at 8:32 pm

Nothing… He didn’t respond.. Only viewed and marked the message as being seen. Then when I updated my FB to say that I was probably going to travel there in September to house hunt. He texted / responded 30 min later but it was “Hello? , I don’t see your profile pic. And another message 25 min later , okay, I see it, You look great!! That was Monday 04Aug. Only his brother when he FB messages me tells me that this guy loves me.. He used to be in FB all the time and over the past weekend he hasn’t been.

Do I restart the NC?
Lisa

August 5, 2014 at 8:38 pm

With the distant comment that I made. He used that before when he didn’t reply to me for 3 days in June before I had visited. This is unusual for me not to respond or reply to him. It’s not typically my MO. I don’t know what his brothers motive is to tell how this guy feels about me, because his actions don’t match his words. I told his brother that and that the crazy situation with these previous or current other women didn’t matter to a woman like.

Shreena

July 25, 2014 at 2:50 pm

What if he ignores me when I initiate contact with him once my NC is over. Coz im ignoring all his texts right now.

admin

July 28, 2014 at 1:43 pm

He will eventually respond (don’t take it too personally.) My money is on the fact that he won’t ignore you though.
Shreena

July 28, 2014 at 5:26 pm

I think he just got too mad for not having his way since I dint reply. He sent me a big hate msg and i had to break NC . But now we both hav decided for a mutual NC, break sorta. Lets see where ot takes us. Till then im just concentrating on self improvement.
Shreena

July 25, 2014 at 3:31 pm

I think he is purposely trying to make me jealous by updating status on whatsapp since im ignoring his texts. Like yest he put ‘ good times’ and now he updated to ‘ I date gals who reply to my I love yous with “you dont mean it” ‘. As in he wants to date gals who are not so serious when it comes to relationships, that is completely the opposite of what I am. I think he is putting these on purpose coz I know he wouldnt have done that if I wasnt ignoring him, coz he knows that would affect me. What do you think? Is he doing it on purpose? Im on 4th day of NC.

And thank you so much Chris, reading your posts make me feel at peace.
admin

July 28, 2014 at 1:50 pm

So passive aggressive by him… Try not to be so affected by it. Just keep doing NC.

Blessing

July 25, 2014 at 8:35 am

Does NC work even for long distance relationships that are heavily reliant on email?

My boyfriend and I used to email each other at an average of 20 messages a day. We had a big fight and he stopped messaging me. Two days later, I send him along email breaking up with him and wishing him well on his next relationship. It’s been 15 days since then and I miss him so bad. Will NC work in our case? Because I’m afraid to lose him…

admin

July 25, 2014 at 3:07 pm

I think it definitely can but is the phone not an option?

Allie

July 22, 2014 at 3:10 pm

He broke up with me last Monday, came over Wednesday to talk about us, saying he was hopeful we could work things out. He was upset, yet receptive and loving. We made up, talked about upcoming events and our vacation, he told me he loved me, told me he couldn’t stand the thought of another guy being with me, said that he would be over on Friday and left it that we were okay. Which is our thing, to tell the other person we are okay, after an argument or problem has been resolved.

Friday, after I wrote a nice blog post about him, he wasn’t responding to my texts, so I called him, and he said he shouldn’t have come over the other night, that being with me changed his focus.

A fight ensued, angry words and texts were exchanged. Finally, I took a deep breath, got control of myself and initiated NC. He called repeatedly for a while then stopped because I wouldn’t answer.

He called Saturday, I didn’t answer, he didn’t leave a message. I assume he phoned because we were supposed to go to a wedding on Sunday, which obviously I did not attend. He phoned late Sunday night, I didn’t answer, he didn’t leave a message.

He subscribes to my blog and according to my blog, nothing has changed, I am having a great time, and he is reading about it.

Yesterday morning I posted on my blog that I was going to spend the day (pursuing my hobby), with a male friend. Nothing new to him, because my hobby is male dominated, and my ex is also involved in the same hobby, and knows these people.

Within 45 minutes of him reading it, I received an email from him saying “please be aware of the following:
Stay away from me, do not come to my home, do not call me or email me.
Do not call or email my family. In terms of any items I may have left at your home, discard them. If you refuse to comply with my simple request I will have no alternative than to get a restraining order against you…”

I took this as a ploy from him to try and get a response from me, him figuring I would be so infuriated I would just have to respond.

I did not respond, I just laughed at it, ’cause you can’t make this stuff up.

An hour later he emailed my father, and copied me on it. It was a very nice email, apologizing for things not working out, and he was sorry he “fell short”.
Was this another desperate attempt to get my attention or a response (since he copied me on it)? Or is he not sure what I told my family about us and wants to make himself look good? Or could he actually be sincere?

I did not respond to that email either, however, I did email my Dad and told him not to pay it any mind, that to maintain my dignity, I was playing hardball, and my boyfriend was upset because of NC, that I was sure it would pass, and if it didn’t, at least I would still have my dignity.

Anyway, although I realize NC can do strange things to people’s psyche, I can’t help but wonder why is he acting as if I am a psycho gnat if I am ignoring him? I have not contacted him, he has contacted me, and he CAN unsubscribe to my blog, IF HE WANTS TO.

Any thoughts?

admin

July 24, 2014 at 1:59 pm

Sounds like hes totally jealous to me!

Nice blog by the way.
Allie

July 24, 2014 at 6:54 pm

I thought so too.
So, I didn’t hear from him again until today. I got a text asking for his DVD player (which he previously asked me to discard). I didn’t respond. After a few hours I received two calls from his work payphone (I didn’t answer), then a minute later from his cell phone. Again I didn’t answer, and he didn’t leave messages.
I did notice, however, that his contacts coincide with when he reads my blog posts (I checked the stats) and the fact I’m going on a trip this weekend that we were supposed to go on together, and he bowed out, but I’m going anyway–well that makes me think jealousy too.

I suspect his head has turned toward another woman, so this must be a very confusing time for him.

This NC thing gets easier every day. Not quite sure whether I will want him back.

Glad you liked my blog. Thx.
admin

July 25, 2014 at 2:00 pm

I guarantee hes going to get jealous about you going on that trip.
Allie

July 25, 2014 at 4:33 pm

Jealous, yes, I believe so. However, I’m not sure if it matters that much. He had told me many times that the only reason he would leave me is if his head was turned toward another woman, but that he would break up with me before he would see someone else.

There was a weird text on his phone from another woman that said “Cheers!” 3 nights before he broke up with me, and when I questioned him about it, he got real serious, sat up in bed and stared at the wall, deep in thought, for a long time.

When I pried (naturally), he said “I’m not cheating on you, I’ll tell her not to text me anymore”.

So when we broke up, and he didn’t give me a real reason for the break up, I texted him this other womans phone number (because of course I memorized it)and asked if that was why he was breaking up with me. Needless to say, he got very, very angry and said “you have pictures,numbers, whatever you need to use against me”. Because he knows I’m a no BS woman and won’t think twice about calling another woman to find out the truth.

So that is why I believe he is not leaving messages when I don’t answer. He always leaves messages. I think he’s scared I will forward them to this other woman, and ruin whatever he has started with her.

I will however, continue with NC, even though I am doubtful that he will be interested in me if he is already dating someone else.
Allie

July 25, 2014 at 6:16 pm

P.S. I did not contact the other woman. It was an angry threat in a thankfully brief emotional moment.
Allie

July 29, 2014 at 1:18 am

I’m on day 12 of NC. He left a message to contact him about getting his stuff back–the stuff he told me to discard. What do I do????

Bianca

July 22, 2014 at 2:42 pm

He stopped talking to me because he got his ex girlfriend pregnant. He said that he found out over the weekend and he has to say goodbye to me. Also he stated how much he hated her. I am on day 24 of NC and I haven’t heard from him.

admin

July 24, 2014 at 1:57 pm

Why would you want him back if he got an ex girlfriend pregnant?

Angel

July 22, 2014 at 12:43 am

I did the NC rule for 2 months. Then I recd a text from my ex saying “Hi, I just wanted you to know I was praying for you” ???? I said thank you, but pointed out to him that if he missed me, he could have just said so. He said it was only a prayer and not to look more into it??? Then over the next couple weeks eventually he started getting hateful and going off on me and calling me bipolar and drama queen and now I’m back to NC because I do not need that just because he does not know how to deal with his feelings about me…

admin

July 22, 2014 at 2:38 pm

He seems like the one that is bipolar…

jenny

July 21, 2014 at 8:19 pm

Hi, my fiancé of five years told me he didn’t love me an hour after looking at a house to buy and talking about getting married in the back yard! that was april 26th. he has a son so he couldn’t move out until June 1st. we had good and bad days we had dinner some nights we spooned a lot. I begged a lot the first 2 weeks. we remained intimate until june 12 (but it wasn’t the same) he moved 30 min away and was complaining that he would have to get a second job because he couldn’t afford it himself. We talked a few times until july 2nd when I started N.C.(on day 18) last Monday he texted that he “accidentally” had a package mailed to my home and can he pick it up or meet me somewhere for it. on Wednesday I found out not only does he have a gf but he moved her in already!!! We always said we were soulmates! He texted a few times about the package, but I didn’t respond. He then added me on snapchat and sent me a selfie asking if I was getting his messages. told him to get it whenever he wants. He unfriended me on facebook last month and last night he deleted it and started a brand new one(which he’t block me from but I did) I have so many questions! Is this a rebound and he is using her to get over me and for money? he has never really been alone. do I leave the package outside or see him in person, if so what do I say? and how do I initiate contact after my 30 days are up if he is still with her? his birthday and family reunion are this weekend and I put a note about his father not being there but watching down on them (recently departed) on a cd he left here and put with said package. I was thinking that shows I’m not acting jealous. I love him and know we are great together. but am I hoping for to much?

admin

July 22, 2014 at 2:25 pm

How long were you engaged before he pulled this?

Yoseline

July 21, 2014 at 7:35 pm

I went out with this guy for 12 years he wanted to break up and I agreed that we were not in a good place. Months passed and we tried the friend zone. Rough times since it can be confusing. Then his secretary sent out an e-invite for his upcoming 60th birthday party.
When I told him the next morning that I had received it and I would be happy to attend, he laughed. Next thing I know, I was dis-invited. I blocked his number for 3 months and it expired a couple of months ago. He will text me every two weeks a few times. A few days ago he text me a picture of himself (and it wasn’t his hands or feet), “figured I’d get your attention, you smoking?”. NC with him for the past four months. This is the only time I responded because I actually found it insulting. I wrote back, “not smoking, not drinking and not interested”. Haven’t heard a peep from him in three days. What does he want from me?

admin

July 22, 2014 at 2:24 pm

Was marriage ever talked about in your 12 year relationship?
Amanda Vazquez

July 23, 2014 at 1:08 am

This morning he sent me a text saying,

Him: I miss you”
Me: “I still miss you and love you but i really, really hate you”.
Him: “same here but i think you hate me more.He everyone asks about you and named three of his male friends. Everyones asking about you” (then he named some of his closest friends saying they are my biggest fans.
Me: “Give them my best and tell them I think you are a dick”
Him: “They know”

Knowing him, he will let a few days go by and then ask me out to dinner.
What am I supposed to do now?

All he kept telling me towards the end was that I was a free spirit and that I deserved someone younger who was a lot more fun. In my head I started to agree with him. “take off your sandles and run away as fast as you can and get away from me” said it all the time. I had to agree with him and walk away when he asked. So why cant he allow me just be. Dont get wrong, I still love him with all my heart but really scared that he will use me to neal and then I will end up where I was four months ago.

I also want to thank you for your time. There are some things I cant talk to anyone about.
admin

July 24, 2014 at 2:42 pm

I wouldn’t have said that, “I hate you” line.
Yoseline

July 22, 2014 at 4:25 pm

Neither one of us wants marriage.

CuteAndConfused

July 20, 2014 at 2:14 pm

Hi,
I started the NC rule again. I’m on day 14 on day 10 he text “good afternoon”.
I didn’t respond. My text reciept was in so he saw that I read the text 4 days after he sent it. I didn’t respond.
I started NC again after seeing him in a Resturant with two woman and I went crazy. Yelling at him making a big scene smh etc he left with the two girls.
That night I text him everything I needed to say and started NC I have two more weeks to go.
I don’t know what I’m doing at this point just sticking to the NC program.
After the 30 days are up what do I do just wait again for him to contact me?
And what if he doesn’t?

admin

July 21, 2014 at 4:09 pm

Ya…. you ventured into crazy ex territory with that little yelling incident.
CuteAndConfused

July 21, 2014 at 6:11 pm

Lol OMG Chris I know. Thanks for responding.
Although I did act out… he still text.
But bc Im doing the NC I haven’t responded.
This is going on the 3 weeks.
After I reach the 30 days…
Do I still wait for him to contact me or do initiate?
admin

July 22, 2014 at 2:17 pm

I would say YOU initiate.
CuteAndConfused

July 22, 2014 at 10:29 pm

Ok thank you very much!
CuteAndConfused

August 6, 2014 at 12:22 pm

Hi Chris,

I completed the NC for 30 days.
My ex only contacted me once by text mid way saying ‘good afternoon’ that was it. He never contacted me again. I never replied.
I am going to initiate contact. Will the ‘I have a confession to make’ text work for me or should I go a different route?
I also was going to request him as a friend in Instagram is that a good idea?
I won’t make any moves until I hear from you. Lol
Thanks a bunch!

Alyson

July 20, 2014 at 8:41 am

Hi. Just curious. How do I handle things with my ex when he turns hot and cold. Felt like I was making progress talking to him then a week later he was telling me to leave me alone blah blah. He said some things that felt like he was going out of his way to hurt me. Do I give up?

admin

July 21, 2014 at 4:09 pm

What did you do specifically to make him say “leave me alone?”
Alyson

July 21, 2014 at 11:58 pm

I sent email about collecting his stuff. He told me that email was for his work and personal buisness. I mentioned that I missed him (already completed 30 day nc) on my weekends and he told me he doesnt care if im interested in him hes done. Said he will pick up stuff from my letter box but doesnt want to see me.

Brandi

July 18, 2014 at 11:56 pm

Im 21, I met a 30 y/o cop and we texted and talked every day almost 24/7 (flirting, sexting etc) for about 2 months. We hung out a handful of times, I came to his house, we’d take naps and mess around a bit (I never had sex with him though). Id ask to hang out and he always had an excuse (to be fair he worked nights patrolling, but he had Thursday-Saturday off). But he’d drive by my house while patrolling (even though his area is on the other side of town) and text me later telling me he drove by…

One day he just completely stopped talking to me. My friend told me he was seeing one of her other friends. I confronted him asking if he was seeing someone else. He said “Kind of, it’s complicated.” That was the only “rule” we had while we were seeing each other. To let me know if he started seeing someone else. I wasn’t upset, it’s just a very small town we live in and I didn’t want to look stupid. Too late. I told him he hurt me, that the situation made me look like a fool and that I was very embarrassed. He had the balls to tell me “I didn’t know you liked me like that” (NOTE: he isn’t clueless, like I said, he’s a player)…and “we’ve only talked a few times.” So I let him know Id make it easy on him and told him not to contact me again. Then I blocked him for a few days. Then I unblocked him hoping he’d text or call. He didn’t so I didn’t either. And it felt good to think “If he wanted to see or talk to me, he would.” Which at one point towards the end of our “thing” was what he said to me.

Since then I’ve learned he’s a very big player type. So I just let it go. Even though I liked him a lot. A month goes by, NC. He messaged me and asked “How are you? I just want to check on you? Are you sure you’re doing fine?” I was very short but polite and said, “Yes, thank you. How are you?” Then after he responded I didn’t text him back. A few days pass, NC. He texts again asking “Are you still hating me?” I told him I didn’t hate him, just that he had hurt me and I took the bad situation out on him. He said “I didn’t mean to hurt you or make you feel bad.” I said “Thank you.” He then went on to say that he wanted to “give me a hug and say hi” asking if we could catch up sometime soon. I said ok.

Then he texted me the next morning at 6am. I was sleeping…and again at 11 with his typical “Answer me back sucka.” We were playful when we were together..but I don’t know why he felt so comfortable so fast NOW. I answered “Hey.” He asked me what I was doing and I said my hair, getting dressed and going to get food before work. Then he asked me “What are you wearing”. I was feeling sarcastic so I said; “Well don’t get too excited over there. Just regular black underwear & a bra. Covers more than my bathing suit. What are you trying to do?” He said; “I just haven’t forgotten” I asked “forgotten what?” An he said never mind. That sent me over so I said; “First it’s “Let’s catch up and hang out.” Then it’s “What are you wearing?” If you just need a friend, I can be that. If you want more, I can do that too. But I need you to understand that this state of limbo you’re in, isn’t fair for me.”

Surprisingly he said, let’s be friends. I said ok and he met me up for lunch with his roommate, another police officer. They joked and had a few drinks. A girl called while he was showing me baseball stats on his phone. Not a surprise. He didn’t answer. He kept saying how pretty I was and telling his roommate “Didn’t I tell you how gorgeous she is?” And his roommate asked if I wanted to hang out with them later. I said maybe. With no intentions of actually doing it. It ended with my ex giving me a side hug goodbye.

I messaged him this morning saying thank you (they bought me lunch). He said “You’re welcome I’m glad you came. It was good to see you.” And I didn’t answer. My question is; WHAT THE ACTUAL F***, why did he text me after I told him to leave me alone? Especially if he doesn’t want to be with me?? I’m confused as hell. Please help me decode this strange couple of weeks.

admin

July 21, 2014 at 3:57 pm

From everything you said I think his motivations are driven by a certain special organ… and I am not talking about his brain.

Hannah

July 18, 2014 at 8:07 pm

Hey Chris
It’s the same Hannah that wrote to you a while ago, me and my boyfriend of 2 years got back together 2 weeks ago and I just need some extra advice.
When we are together he is so lovely and amazing with me, we are having fun, not arguing, things are so good. But then when we are apart he just disappears. We have seen each other every couple of days, and have booked ourselves a night away next week together, I just find it so hard that he’s not being super romantic and texting me all the time. Everything we do I seem to suggest, and I’m just a bit worried he’s not as in it as I am. As I say, When we are together things are amazing, but I was kind of expecting more…
I’ve read your guides on what to do after you get him back, but the emotional high in messages is impossible when we don’t really text much other than to sort out where to meet etc! Most of our conversation is done face to face.
He was also seeing another girl while we were apart and I keep bringing her up and I can’t get her out of my mind. He said yesterday that I need to drop that or this will never work, which I know he is right but I just can’t seem to get her out of my head.
Is there a reason he’s not really texting or being romantic? Is there anything I should do? Should I take a step back and stop suggesting things? Our relationship has always been a bit like I’m the organised one so maybe he just expects me to organise everything, I just wish he would suggest spending time with me too?
Please help! Thank you 🙂

admin

July 21, 2014 at 3:48 pm

I think this is a perfect read for you,

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-keep-your-ex-boyfriend-once-you-get-him-back/

Kelly

July 18, 2014 at 7:54 am

I sent him an email telling him that I have the usbs he and his dad wanted back and if he wants to collect them. I also said “im not going to convince you to come back but if you do I will do everything to make us work”. I didn’t say anything harsh but the response back from him was quite harsh. He told me he wasnt going to collect them and hes sick of me trying to get back together. What the hell? The other day he was sweet and understanding now hes being an ass. Why?
nonamer

July 18, 2014 at 2:03 am

Hey chris,
we broke up 3 weeks ago and nc was in immediate effect. I couldnt help but to text him I missed him 3 days ago and after he said he missed me too, I never respended back. Does that mean nc rule has to start all over again because I broke nc? Should I reply to that or wait for another response? To be honest, as much as a “I miss you too” sounds so good to hear, I didn’t want to push my luck by replying to it. Ive been feeling so lost

admin

July 18, 2014 at 4:03 pm

Yup… It does.

Kate

July 17, 2014 at 5:08 pm

Was with him for about 3 months. Broke up with my ex over a month ago.I have been about 5 weeks into NC with my ex. Its been hard but I have not caved in. About 2 weeks into NC, he texted me just a picture of something I liked-I did not respond. No texts since. He continually likes my instagram and some facebook pictures and status’. I deleted him off of snapchat right after we broke up and he has tried re-adding me twice, this final time I blocked him. I am not quite sure what my next move is. I feel like I should wait things out some more but at the same time I do miss him and would like to speak with him. He definitely seems like the stubborn guy type and will not talk to me unless I make the first move. He has a big ego.
We broke up due to issues on his side such as refusing to spend more time with me and poor communication skills. I think that stuff is fixable?
What do you think I should do next?

admin

July 18, 2014 at 3:59 pm

Well, it is very fixable but it seems the issues lie with him and that means HE is the only one that can fix it.
Kate

July 23, 2014 at 4:38 am

Hello again, well he did contact me the day after I posted this (weird timing), and I have followed your rules in regards to the first text and ending it really short. I have kept control of all the conversations and ended them first. The night he contacted me and I answered back, after I said bye he texted me two hours later and said lets hang out in two weeks when my fam isn’t home (I thought this was strange). So over the past few days he has been the one to contact me and I’ll respond with a few messages etc. He requested a few days ago that I unblock him on snapchat so I did today (I waited a few days to keep him on his toes). All in all at the end of the day after a few snaps he basically asked to be fwb (I’ll spare the details, every time he alluded to it I changed the subject). I slammed on the breaks in regards to that. Told him no, and reblocked him on snapchat. I tried to remain as calm as possible and not blow up on him. While we were together I made it known I was not going to engage in that kind of activity until I was ready (we never ended up having sex), so now why does he think I will do it now that we are broken up? I do not get it. Is this worth it now that all he wants is to be fwb? I am not dumb enough to fall into this trap, but I do not know how to approach the situation now. Should I still talk to him, or enter NC again for a while?

Lisa

July 17, 2014 at 4:31 am

Help!
My bf and I broke up 4 days ago…. Said he needs to be alone for a whole to get his s$*t together and be happy bc he’s not happy and can’t make me happy. He said he needs to clear his head and he doesn’t know how long it will be. I asked him if it was a break or a break up and he said he needs a long break and to be strong. Anyway I tried contacting him a few times to which he responded the exact same way saying I need to be alone for a while… I messages him again yesterday bc he lied about something I wanted the answer. He text me back sayin plz stop.the more u do this the angrier your making me. Since the. I have not answered and messages so today officially marks day 1 of no contact. What do I do? Throughout our relationship we fought bc I would ask to see him more and spend time with him..this made him angry and on Sunday he told me the fighting tore us apart, however he agrees with why I was mad and started those fights. He told me he loves me but he can’t be what I need and told me I deserve more… I’m so confused, but I love him and don’t want to give up hope just yet. Do u think there’s chance? He might have a bad aftertaste bc of all the fighting, but i had a reason to! He wasn’t doing what he was sup to! Any advice would be appreciated

admin

July 18, 2014 at 3:13 pm

So, he broke up with you because he thinks you deserve better?
Lisa

July 21, 2014 at 2:15 am

Yes and no…. He said he’s not happy in his life and he can’t make me happy… Meaning he can’t give me the things I want right now…he has told me I deserve the world yet won’t give it to me bc he’s not in a good place. We argued a lot bc I wanted more from him and I guess that kind of pushed him away… He said he loves me and in his heart wanted to be with me but now it’s been a week NC, and nothing. Do u think he’ll miss me despite our fights..also he knows most of them were caused by him. I was great to him… He told me if he didn’t take this step now then we would continue living miserable… I don’t know what to do… I’m so confused..plz help, any advice is welcomed :(.
Lisa

July 21, 2014 at 2:17 am

Sorry 5 days NC, BUT THIS IS A HUGE step for me…most I’ve lasted was 2… He’s prob wondering wtf happened to me lol
admin

July 21, 2014 at 4:14 pm

5 DAYS!!!! Thats great.
Lisa

July 21, 2014 at 4:40 pm

I know lol sad but it is what it is…. So what do u think Chris???

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