The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Struggling

August 29, 2016 at 11:04 pm

Hello,

So, I’m on day 24 of no contact. (Mentally high fiving myself for making it this far) Me and my ex were together for 9 months (I know, not that long) and quite out the blue, 3 weeks ago he dumped me by text. He said he wasn’t “feeling it anymore” but said “when I get over him and find someone else he’d happily stay friends” obviously I was absolutely devestated but respected his decision. I haven’t text him since and he hasn’t text me at all since either. (And I’m pulling my hair out hoping and wishing he would) We only live round the corner from each other but luckily I haven’t bumped into him yet.
These three weeks have given me time to reflect, that our relationship was 80% me making all the effort and 20% him. I was a great girlfriend, we never argued, we had fun together and just 3 days before he ended it..he said we should go for a weekend away together and that he was excited and couldn’t wait for us to go. And then he stopped texting for 2 days before he finished it. I should also mention he’s 23 and I’m 29 so there’s abit of an age gap but I always stressed that I’m not ready to settle down yet so he didn’t have to worry about that. Apparently his ex gf was a right bitch who used him and dumped him after a few month and he treat her like a queen, yet never once made me feel special…yet he was lovely to me..just not lovely enough..you know? Was I too available and giving? Do you think he’ll eventually get in contact?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 11:40 am

Hi Struggling,

congratulations on making it this far! If you are making most of the effort, then yes, you are too available. He’s not feeling it, meaning he lost attraction with you..

Rebecca

August 29, 2016 at 11:34 am

I met a guy 2 weeks after he broke up with his g.f of 6 years. It was very intense break up for this dude, lots of fighting until he left. We spent every moment together for 4 months, during that time he was really kind, he was really intense with loving me, but then could be a little cool. He told me he loved me, met my friends and family, vice versa. We got along so well, it was really fun! He came back from a bucks wedding weekend, and didn’t contact me when he was away. He broke up with me when he got back, and said he can’t commit, it’s not me, he needs space to work things out. I was very cool about the break up and showed little emotion. I drove away with all dignity in tack. I’m not sure if he was with someone else at the wedding, I don’t want to know either. 2 weeks leading up to the break up, I was feeling a little vulnerable, he was going out and drinking a lot. We had 2 rather big fights. Anyway, I know he won’t get back with his ex, but do you think he will contact me? I’m rather angry at him for fooling me. I feel really rejected, hurt and used. (Do rebound girls have a chance, can you share any information on these types of situations?) I’m in day 8 of NC and theres no way i’ll break it….. HELP Rx

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 8:09 am

Hi Rebeccan,

you should read this one: EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?

ELLE

August 29, 2016 at 4:25 am

from Reaction 2- The Frantic Caller Turned Into Ignorer.
What should I do if he ignore me? should I continue doing NC rule? how about if NC rule finished. and he still ignore me back. what should i do?

ELLE

August 31, 2016 at 1:20 am

We broke up because he wanted to experience new things. Now, he’s changing himself to be an attractive guy.
And Long relationship, he wanted to be with a girl who can be with him (we both a junior uni student) I don’t understand him. sometime he said he loved me, sometimes he didn’t. He stays alone in dome. he has no friend in uni. For him, therein only me who can talk to him about everything. We had been together 1year and 6 months. now he stop calling and texting me. I think he’s already turn to be an ignore.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 2:42 pm

ok.. then make him regret leaving you.. if he’s improving, you should as well.. Read this article: How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Regret Letting You Go
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 30, 2016 at 4:30 pm

Hi Elle,

why did you break up? How was the break up and how long was the relationship?

Amy

August 28, 2016 at 10:33 am

Hi, so my ex-boyfriend broke up with me over 3 months ago after a year together but we were still trying to be friends and hung out at least once a week. He broke up with me because he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore and just wanted to work on himself so that was understandable. I know he was casually dating other people (mostly from Tinder) but nothing serious. But over the past 3 months I realised more and more that I still loved him and every guy I met I kept comparing to him. So I decided to tell him 3 weeks ago how I felt and asked him on a date. A week before I told him he mentioned how there’s only one girl he would be in a relationship with and thats me, AND he always said how I’m the first person he talks to if he has good/bad news so I really thought he might still feel the same way. He said no, and that he didn’t want a relationship. So I told him that we couldn’t be friends because I need to move on and he hugged me and cried. I found this article the next day and have initiated the NC rule in a last attempt to try to get him back. I’ve been busy posting my fun life on social media and just generally having fun with friends. 1 week ago I had to contact him though because he owes me some money and I needed it to buy something that week so I sent him a short message just asking him if he could pay me back. And his reply was really out of character; he used lots of smiley faces (he’s usually such a blunt messenger) and signed of the message with “I hope everything is ok, I miss you.” And the next day he messaged again saying he’ll get paid that week for a job he did. 2 months ago when he did that job we were still friends and back then he said he wanted to take me out for dinner as a thank you. In that message he sent me last week he said “if you’re still up for it, I’ll still like to go to dinner sometime.” That was a week ago and since then I haven’t heard from him except the odd snapchats I get sent every few days. Did I ruin the NC rule? Does he still care or am I wasting my time? He’s definitely classed as a “stubborn guy” and internalises his emotions to the point that it jeopardises his happiness. But I also classified him as a “they were on the rebound” guy from the chances report. Our relationship was mostly good, got a little bit bad in the last 2 months and I’m the longest relationship he had. Thanks!

Amy

September 19, 2016 at 6:03 am

So after about 40 days of no contact, we finally caught up. I text him to ask if the offer for dinner still stood and he was acting very blunt about it. He then told me that he found out that I had gotten with someone while we were on NC and that it’s been very hard on him, and that he misses me and misses talking to me. So we resolved this and went out for brunch a week later (last week) and it was great. It was so lovely seeing him, except he kept telling me strange things like he’s been stalking me on social media and that his parents keep asking about me. So I thought, maybe I do have a chance. He invited me to his band’s gig a couple of days later, and thats when I realised, that I was definitely invited as a friend because he spent about 2 minutes with me and the rest with other people (mostly girls) AND he mentioned how great of a friend I am both at brunch and at the gig. He also said that this summer (I’m in New Zealand) he wants to be single. And today when I saw him to get some help me with an assignment, he kept asking if I have gotten with people and that if I haven’t I should. I’m getting so many mixed messages from him and I think I’m more of a friend for him now.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 21, 2016 at 9:00 am

avoid being too available.. and be flirty when you talk or meet
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 30, 2016 at 3:59 pm

Hi Amy,

nope you didn’t.. actually it was good that you started nc right after you said you needed to move on.. just restart the count and continue improving yourself.. It looks like you have a chance based on his latest text

Dacoda

August 27, 2016 at 7:26 pm

I’m having a hard time placing my break up in any category. I had been with my ex for over a year and half. During that time we had broken up over sudden fights but had gotten back together multiple times. He would always be the one to initiate the break up but we wouldn’t go more than a few days without working it out. It eventually got harder and harder for me to convince him to come back. About 2 months ago we got into a fight and he ended it again. About a week and a half later he came to get his stuff. We talked for quite a while and decided to try and work it out again, even though he really didn’t want too. Later that night he came over and spent most the night with me. At that point he wanted to take things slow and not see each other as much, which I agreed too. The biggest problem there was he didn’t want to tell his parents we were back together. A week later I was having an anxiety attack and I felt he wasn’t showing to much concern so I turned my phone off. After that he began texting and calling me and was getting worried. He thought I had ended up in the hospital for whatever reason and actually went to the hospital first looking for me before coming out to my house. He was angry and said I was playing games with him. I knew I had made a mistake and didn’t say anything. He left in his truck but called me moments later screaming we were over and that he wanted the promise ring he had given me back. Long story short it was a very bad night, but I didn’t get upset with him once. I stayed calm while he refused to listen to me or my parents and wouldn’t stop yelling. When he left that night he sat with a gun in front of him all night. The only reason he didn’t pull the trigger was because he promised me a while ago he wouldn’t kill himself.
I left him alone for a week after that. We started talking as friends for about another week, with him being hot and cold with me. Then one day he said he wanted to see me to talk. I went to his house a few days later. He just wanted the talk to be the same thing he’d been telling me the last week. That he was in a running phase and he didn’t want to be in a relationship right now. That he wanted to get his life in order before getting serious again. That night ended with me convincing him to give it another chance but to take things slow and completely start over. He reluctantly agreed and we ended that night on a happy note. But as soon as I left he was angry at himself for giving in. We went about another week of being together. I was being so sickening sweet to him the entire time. I didn’t make one mistake to set him off, but he just decided one night that he couldn’t do it anymore and that we needed to move on. He wants to see if there is someone else out there for him or if I’m the best match for him. He also wants me to try and find someone better. But he said if or when he does realize I’m the best for him, that he’ll come back on his own terms and fight to win me back. He agreed with me that I thought he was making a mistake. He said “yeah I probably am. But it needs to happen”
His biggest fear about getting back with me is that I’m going to treat him like shit again. He’s very sensitive and often makes himself a victim. He even tried lying to me by saying he had been drinking and hooked up with a girl at a bar to get me to hate him. I texted him later that night saying I couldn’t hate him. The next day I asked for closure, which he gave despite him not wanting to talk anymore. That’s when he told me what he said had happened was a lie. And he couldn’t believe how I could care for him so much. He spent most of the night on a mountain because of how much it hurt him to lie to me and say everything he did. During the closure call he said he still loved me and that he probably won’t find someone better, but still unwilling to come back to me. I told him I had a date later that day and he said it wasn’t smart for me to be going out so soon because I’d be putting myself into an emotional trap. He said he wouldn’t be dating for a while, but a week later I find him on tinder. I’m not sure of his intentions on tinder since he has no description of himself on there and one of his pictures is of me and him. My therapist says he was probably checking to see if I was on there. My therapist also says he sounds really confused in life right now.
I am on day 13 of no contact right now and haven’t heard from him. He said he would eventually reach out to me every so often to see how I’m doing. Last time we didn’t talk for a week he told me he often wanted to text me, but would delete the message.
I know right now I need to give him space and work on myself, but I would like some advice on my chances with him. He said he’s not against us trying things again in the future, but it’s not guaranteed we will.
My therapist and even a guy I’ve recently became friends with say he’s going to regret losing me when he finally figures things out.
I know he’s saying to move on because he thinks it’s the best thing, but I know it’s not what he wants. During one of the weeks we weren’t talking, I had posted pictures of me and one of my guy friends on Facebook. He became very up set over that. He even told me one night that he really didn’t want me to move on, but he would come to terms with it if I did.
I’m honestly not worried about him finding someone else. He had a couple of relationships before me but they all ended up cheating on him. I was his first long term girlfriend. I know the reasons they cheated on him. He’s not emotionally satisfying, which will often lead woman to look for it else where. And if the next person doesn’t cheat on him, his uncontrolled emotions will eventually end it. He’s trying to drown the emotions of our break up with work and not think about it. He doesn’t have friends so he has no one to talk to about everything. It’s inevitable to think these emotions aren’t going to come up later. I know he sounds like a messed up guy, but he had a horrible upbringing. Not many women are going to put up with him but I love him enough to be there for him even though he doesn’t feel he deserves love.
Please tell me what my chances are and what he’s possibly going through right now. Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 30, 2016 at 2:40 pm

Hi Dacoda,

actually he was right to break up with you.. because he needs to find himself first.. he needs to do this alone,independently.. I think you should do 45 days nc and your therapist is right of course.. once he realizes or he’s done with finding clarity, he’ll see your worth

Em

August 26, 2016 at 7:51 am

My ex boyfriend and I have been on and off for nine years. We met when we were pretty young (16 and 20) and had a relationship for 3,5 years and lived together. Then he left me for another woman and I tried in every way possible to get him back at first and then we became friends. He cheated on his new girlfriend with me for years and I was so in love and hoping he would return to me. We then stopped having sex and he broke up with her. At that time I was in a really good place with being by myself so I didn’t want a relationship with him at that time and he met another girl. We kept on being best friends, talking about everything and halfway through their relationship we started having sex again. I started to have feelings for him and he left her for me (God I sound like such an awful person). This was about nine months ago. Four days ago he left me again saying that he doesn’t love me anymore. We have gone through a rough patch lately and I have had problems trusting him (he started to work late almost everyday, he stopped having sex with me, started being weirdly private with his phone and I was really worried that he’d met someone else). I got really hurt because I love him and kicked him out immedietly. Then I started NC and he started texting and calling like a lunatic. After ignoring him for a whole day I answered him because he has all of his things at our/now mine apartment. We then got into a huge fight. I demanded that he would remove his things from the apartment as soon as possible because I felt like I wanted nothing to do with him. He then picked up his things and now he is very angry and feels like I have kicked him out on the street (he is living with his mom now). I have been really cold repeatadly telling him that I want nothing to do with him ever again and that I don’t want him to contact me (this was during our fight). The last text I sent to him was about how much I had hoped that our relationship would have worked out, that I really loved him and that I was really hurt by him leaving me again. Now I am on my second attempt to NC and I am not sure what to do. I don’t know if I should move on and just accept that both our friendship and lovestory is over or if I should keep my hopes up for this to work.. We have talked almost everyday for nine years and I am sure that he will feel that loss. I am not so sure that he will contact though or want me back ever given how I have treated him after he broke up with me.. Help

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 30, 2016 at 7:57 am

Hi Em,

try this nc as a last chance..do 45 days.. and dont sleep with him again when you’ve built rapport and attraction until you’re really back together

Lucy

August 25, 2016 at 12:09 am

It’s been almost a month since the break up, I’ve always attempted to try NC with him BUT things are always getting in the way. Our friend from abroad is back home and because of that friend there are times where in I really have to face him! He lives in the same small condo building as I do so it’s easy to bump into each other all the time! Oh and then there was a genuinely wrong send message!

First attempt: It seemed like it was working he was starting to regret about the break up, but since we have that friend from abroad I let him talk to me and at first he wanted to get back together which led me to drop the NC for a while, but later on I screwed up which caused him to back off a little. NC lasted for 2 days.

Second attempt: I accidentally texted him instead of my gay friend who has the same name as him. To make it clearer his name in my phone was his First name, that’s it, no surname or whatsoever, then when my gay friend saved his number on my phone he placed his name which happens to be like my Ex’s so there, I ended up talking to him. NC lasted for 2 days.

Third attempt: I bumped into him in the elevator, I was casual at saying Hi and Goodbye but then ended up texting with him for the “last time” before I restart the NC. NC lasted for 4 days.

My question is, would it still be effective?? I mean wouldn’t it be weird since my ex and I are okay then all of a sudden I don’t reply to his messages? Will the NC still work or will it just give him the chance to move on

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 29, 2016 at 12:45 am

Hi lucy,

wait, is the friend still here? are you still going to meet up for that friend?

Anna

August 24, 2016 at 12:15 pm

Hi, me and O live in two different countries. He added me on FB at the end of last year. We have always known about each other as we are from the same town. We started having regular calls and skype calls. After 3 months and we met, he told me he did not know what he wanted but wanted to stay in touch. Three weeks later I told him I was again in his country. We met and were togheter. He called the day after and said the same thing i.e. did not know what he wanted but wanted to stay in touch. I said I did not know either (only really met 2). He contacted me a little later and we were in regular contacts especially via phone or skype. We met each other three times (he came 4 days in my country, 2 days in an X country, and then finally a week in my country). This period lasted 4 months in addtion to the 3 months previously. At the last day of his week with me here, he said again he did not know what he wanted, nothing had changed since April but did not want to end it. I was very hurt. We still had a great night and day after although I felt empty inside. He texted me when back about our great week and wanted to speak soon. I told him I felt there had been a breach of trust (as he had been travelling to me and we spending alot of time like he knew what he wanted) and I needed time until I would be in his country (my home country) next time or a 5 days later. When I landed in my home country 5 days later, I called him and said I wanted to meet. He invited me to dinner at home. I came dinner was ready and wine. However, now he said he wanted to end this. Wanted to be alone. I said we had nothing to say then and left. one week later I called him, said I was going on a date (was true) and wanted to be 100% there was no misunderstanding between us. He said no, wanted this off, he cared for me but did not have the right feelings. We have not spoken since, now 7 days, is there hope?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 28, 2016 at 3:29 pm

Hi Anna,

I think you were too available for him
there was no sense of mystery when you were on the way to a relationship.. let’s try a 30 day nc first.. be very active in improving yourself, dating and in posting in social media

Lydia

August 24, 2016 at 11:56 am

Hey. I can you your best advice. How do I get my ex back or do I even have a chance? We dated for 9months. It was a rocky relationship after 2months. Yes we argued a lot but I was the one to always come back to him& show him unconditionally love. He was a broken person at first with a lot of personal issues(towards the end everything got better for him) I know he loves me and cares but when It came to me saying im not happy lets fix this he took it as me breaking up with him and I wasn’t trying to I love him and wanted to better our relationship. We had an on & off relationship…kinda… We would argue, break up during the argument but always got back together right after. Are relationship wasn’t perfect but we shared a lot of good times too. Right before the breakup I wrote him a text about how I really felt. I said good things but also said I wasn’t happy and I want to better our relationship but you have to try like how I was. But he took it was a break up text. The breakup this time I would admit felt very different, I would say our arguments aren’t normal we tend to push each other buttons without knowing. So naturally I acted desperate because I didn’t feel I broke up with him but he said he took the relationship for what is it and instead of thinking with his heart he thought with his mind and said this relationship is toxic for the both of us we need time apart relationship wise… But still asked to be friends(I declined) I really thought he was going to be my forever because of the certain things he said to me but I feel like our feelings probably weren’t mutual because I would never think of leaving him. He said after we broke up , ive done a lot for him & for that he will always have my back , im the best women he knows & that he adores me. But doesn’t want to be with me? I just started the NC two days ago. He blocked me from all social media but not from his phone. Do I even have a chance ? How do I get the love of my life back ??

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 28, 2016 at 2:19 pm

Hi Lydia,

I think this is what you should read: You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed… I’m Here To Fix That

Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy

J

August 24, 2016 at 4:21 am

Hey Amor, my beloved fairy, I just have 2 quick questions. So I’m on day 13 of NC, just barely hanging in there. My ex contacted me on day 10 to tell me happy birthday as I’ve already told u. I didn’t reply. I was originally thinking my ex would be a mid caller but my question is this: a mid caller is someone who eventually is curious about how u are doing. However, I have been active on social media, namely snapchat, and my ex has been watching everything (good sign, right?). So he kind of knows how and what I’m doing from just that. Doesn’t being active on social media give him enough info to not need/want to contact me? Should I take a break from posting to trigger his curiosity? He’s never been on snapchat this much so it seems like he’s using that to check up on me without actually having to reach out

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 28, 2016 at 9:56 am

Hi J,

do 30 days..if he sees you’re having funnin social media, he would gwg reminded of the fun times you had together and miss you

Sophie

August 23, 2016 at 9:26 pm

My situation is a bit different, I was with my boyfriend for 5 years eventually I decided to end things as I felt like he didn’t appreciate me, he would constantly call me text me everyday for a few months and I would just be cold as I was convinced I didn’t want to be with him, I started seeing someone else but after a while I started to miss him, he stopped contacting me and I found out he was seeing someone else and I knew then I wanted him back, I begged and begged and I have been trying for months but he says he doesn’t want me anymore and I hurt him. He hardly messages me now which is weird because he would message me constantly. I’ve tried the no contact rule I am on day 2, he messaged me yesterday morning saying he still cares for me but I haven’t heard from him since (not like him) do you think the no contact rule will work in this situation?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 27, 2016 at 6:49 pm

Hi Sophie,

we cant guarantee that it will work but it will help to have a restart because you’ve been back and forth

Super confused

August 23, 2016 at 8:29 pm

My ex and I dated for 2 years. He broke up with me about 4 weeks ago. He broke up with me 2 days before I left for a trip. His reason was that he didn’t feel the same anymore because our relationship had not progressed and that we got into too much of a routine. He also said he could not see himself with me in the future and that we did not have anything in common anymore. All of this was a complete surprise to me and I had no idea this was how he had been feeling. He never distanced himself from me or acted any different towards me. After he said all this he would then say he didn’t know what to do or if not being together was what he wanted. He seemed very unsure of his decision. I left for my trip two days after this and texted him just still trying to figure out what had happened. He then texted me back telling me how he has never felt so empty and alone in his whole entire life and how he had been walking around with a hole in his heart and could not do anything without thinking about me. We continued to kinda talk through out the week I was gone and he continued to tell how he didn’t know if he made the right decision so we were both very miserable about the situation. We agreed to talk once I got back. When we talked in person when I got back he still said he couldn’t forget how strongly he felt about everything he said but at the same time wanted to work on things with me. We tried to work on things for a week and hung out once during this week but it just made things more complicated because we weren’t actually together and it was hard to not just go back into the same routine. So then we decided it would be best to have time apart. He said he hoped and thought time apart would help. And throughout this whole thing he has continued to tell me how much he loves and cares for me. I tried to go into no contact but broke it after a week and he responded saying he still loved and cared for me and hated that he was hurting me but that he still needed a break and some time away and that he didn’t know if we would get back together but that right now it was best for us to be apart. I am now starting no contact for 30 days. I ran into out this past weekend and he was flirting with multiple girls and looked like he was enjoying life without me. I don’t know if I should still have hope for him to come back or if he is completely done?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 27, 2016 at 6:10 pm

Hi Super confused,

he got bored of the relationship? Are you actively improving yourself now?

Jessie

August 23, 2016 at 12:15 pm

Hello, my boyfriend and I broke up about a week ago. Until now, we’ve only had one day of no contact.. and I broke it last night. Before that, we were having minimal contact. I’m about to solidly implement the no contact rule, and he agrees that’s what we need right now, because we both think it would be unhealthy for us to talk right now. We recently talked because it was his first day of the new semester, and then I ended up crying about how I missed him and he told me how stressed out that makes him. We are about to seriously begin NC, but he said that he’d like to message me in a week, just to see how my first day of school goes. I told him I couldn’t message him, that it would have to be up to him, and he said he’d just say something simple and keep it related to school. When the time comes, should I ignore his breaking of NC? Or should I reply politely since we’re already in agreement? I feel like I can’t ignore him, especially not when we’ve pretty much agreed to lightly keep each other updated, but after going a week with NC, breaking it just for a moment, we’ll have to start over with NC and I feel that it may be slightly harder than before. I guess I’m scared that if he sees I’m doing fine, and feels fine after a week, that he’ll just get over everything.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 27, 2016 at 9:02 am

Hi Jessie,

does he know about the no contact rule or you just talked about not talking to each other? I think you should read this:
EBR 017: The Importance Of The No Contact Rule

Renee

August 23, 2016 at 6:31 am

After our 10years living relationship my fiancé broke up with me last month as he fell in love and started to have affair with his work colleague. I moved back to my home town,now we stay in different states , far from each other, so no chance to meet even just by chance also. My fiancé call and text me everyday as i force him to and that he told me many times that he feels guilty for hurting me so he is forced to call me. But i feel very soon they will move together as that other women already file divorce with her husband. Today i ask him not to call or text me for fews days… But m little scared that is it too late for me to apply NC rule?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 27, 2016 at 8:08 am

Hi Renee,

even if it’s too late, there’s no other better choice.. if you’re going to do nc, dont tell him you’re doing nc..just do it and be active in posting in social media.. do nc for 45 days

Vanessa

August 23, 2016 at 12:16 am

What about the guy who is kind of broken and feels he is undeserving of your love? That’s why my relationship ended. Issues from his past popped up and he sunk into a deep depression. I supported him until he totally pushed me away. I sent him a birthday card and he ignored it. We haven’t talked for about 3 months.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 26, 2016 at 4:01 pm

hi Vanessa,

you have to let him heal on his own because you cant control him..The best you can do is be happy and be your best self

Laurie

July 24, 2016 at 9:40 pm

Hello! This is a great article, AND a great comment section. Thanks for sharing this knowledge with the world. I’m hoping you can help me and tell me if NC is applicable to my situation. It regards a guy that I’ve known for less than two months and I’m not in a ‘formal’ relationship with. So, I’m in the process of moving abroad (to Sweden) and met this guy when I visited last month. We hung out one night and it was lovely (wine on a blanket in the park and great conversation); we ended things with a hug. Since then, he has always initiated contact with me via email and have talked about hanging out when I move there next month. As far as I know, he’s a genuinely nice guy and very reserved (which Swedish men are notorious for). The problem? He practically ignores the questions I ask him, trying to get to know him (How was your day and what did you do? What are some of your favorite songs?). I’m feeling impatient with this, especially during this huge transition in my life. So, I essentially told him (nicely) that I wouldn’t bother him any more with questions/emails, and I’d be in touch with him when I get back to Sweden next month and we could maybe hang out. Well, that got his attention! He immediately wrote back apologizing and offering help with my move (I didn’t read the emails before deleting them, but I caught the preview part). Is NC applicable here? Am I overreacting and sabotaging *yet another* potentially great relationship? Should I continue with my plan to cease contact with him and check in with him next month? Or am I being unduly harsh and I should respond cautiously when/if he responds again? I think I kinda made him sad… Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 27, 2016 at 3:51 pm

Hi Laurie,

if he doesn’t want to share but he’s initiating contact, that means you’re going too fast for him and being impatient makes you the chaser.. with that kind of guys,.you just let them be and live your life and let him be the one to wonder by not asking him more and just living your life

Sarah

July 22, 2016 at 5:05 pm

Need Advice !!!!!!!
I had met this guy online (let’s say his name is Chad) Chad and I were talking online for a good 2 weeks til we decided to meet up. Chad was in the air force and he just moved were I had lived and I happened to leave by the base so we were really close by each other. (Beginning of April) Our first date was amazing and I felt like we really connected. He would text me every morning and night telling me how beautiful I am and that he couldn’t stop thinking about me etc. Now at the time I was still a virgin , never kissed a guy and never had a boyfriend before and I let him know about all this on the first date.The 2nd or 3rd date he gave me my first kiss. We had deep conversations about our past and i comforted him while he cried in my arms. So the 5th or 6th time we hung out I started going to his dorm for oral. So that went on for awhile and most of the time we hung out that would happen. We went to the movies and i tried to break things off in the car but he asked why? N i couldnt think of the reason why so i just said nevermind . At the beginning of may things were good I felt like I was a good gf I would draw him nice pictures(I’m an artist) and buy him things for ex. He told me he wanted a sticker for his car and I got him one of his favorite skateboard brand. But after that he would say how he is so busy so he would stop by for a little then leave. So I felt like he was losing interest because he wouldn’t reply to my message after I asked him if he wanted to hang out on a certain day. And it would take him like a day or two to text me back so I texted him saying I wanted to break up. He didn’t text back til 4 days later saying sorry that he has been busy and that he never been good with relationships and if we could still be friends and hangout. So I didn’t text him back because I didn’t want to stay friends. Later I texted him asking for my Wii which I had left over his house and he would tell me that he would bring it over a certain day and then don’t.. so I told him to bring it over whenever and leave it on the porch. One day I was home and he told me he was bringing it over which he did and we talked for awhile he asked me how I was doing and asked me about things that were going on in my life then he complemented my hair and try to give me a hug. After that about 4-5 days later I text him telling him that I kinda missed him a little n he said he misses me . So we ended up hanging out again but we were suppose to just stay friends but the night didn’t end that way so we got back together around May 21 .Everything was going good again. In June I told him that I wanted to be serious with him if I was going to give him my virginity blah blah. So he agreed . The next time I saw him he had a couple tatted on his arm but he told me he was getting a ship there. He asked me if I liked it n what did I think about it . We had went out to eat n it was nice I told him I was planning on get a job were I had to work everyday 5pm-3am He didn’t want me to get it. June 12-june 15 We didn’t talk much he texted me saying sorry we didn’t talk much his mom was down. I felt like he still could of texted me back or something ..so more days had past with no text so I sent him a sexy snap n he texted back so quickly. so I was upset with him about that and told him how I felt in a long message (not this long of course) but I let it go. So he texted me June 20 telling me happy birthday n when we could hang out n I told him I forgot to tell him I got the job n I’m only off on Sundays so he texted me Saturday asking how I’m doing . we planned to hangout Sunday but I ended up having to work at my other job.(I had two at the time). We had not hung out in a month but we would still text . I tried asking him if he wanted to take a break because we both are working so much that we didn’t have time for each other n I was getting so emotionally distresseded. He never texted me back on that so I apologize n he said its okay meanwhile this is the beginning of July and we were still talking but still haven’t hung out til the very beginning of june. I asked him if he wanted to go to a drakes concert with me n my friends in August I also told him I’m going to stop working at this job the beginning of August so he was like he would love to. So days go by and he text me at 12am wondering if I’m awake n I replied he kept saying he really wants to see me so I asked him when the next time he is off n he says Tuesday n Wednesday so maybe we could hangout between then. so I told him we could hangout 10am-3pm cause I work at 5 pm tuesday n Wednesday and that I should be off Sunday n he never texted me back about that so Wednesday (i quit my job n I texted him asking if he wanted to hangout Friday (he was off) . He asked if I’m off Friday n I told him yes . He read my message Thursday and hadn’t texted me back .So Friday comes along …no text so I ended up hanging out with my friend that day and so I saw that he viewed my Snapchat story. So I was confused y he would beg to see me but when I’m off he blows me off. So 3 days later still no text so I blocked him on Snapchat n Facebook . so now its been about a week and a half with NC but he is not texting or anything ( I wasn’t sure of the aftertaste so I pretty much gave you the whole scenario of our 3 month relationship)

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 23, 2016 at 8:22 am

hi Sarah,
it’s been back and forth.. so stay strong in no contact.. it looks like you’re not clingy type because you’re busy with work and you have friends you can ask out.. you just need to meet new people now.. you should do at least 30 days

Confused

July 21, 2016 at 2:29 pm

We dated for about 2 years and just broke up about 1.5 months ago. It was due to our frustration in the relationship and also that he is moving away. When we broke up we still were attracted to each other. So when he came back for a visit, we ended up spending two days together, created some new memories and had a lot of fun together. But ever since he was gone, I tried to do the no contact rule until I saw something that reminds me of him. So I texted him about that memory and he replied something very positively like, “Oh I remember this too, I used to do this for you all the time”. So we talked pretty frequently the next few days and he initiated contact too! But all of this stopped until I mentioned that I was going to meet a friend. He said, “have a great date” and then followed with “I don’t think we should talk this much.” He said talking to me is “emotionally distracting” for him and that he is not ready to talk to me this frequently. This broke my heart 🙁 I thought we had something nice going on and I thought he liked talking to me this much. I couldn’t resist my urge but asked him if we could maybe try to date again and he said he can’t decide right now because he is traveling with a few friends and he doesn’t have time for it. Now I am doing no contact again but just rethinking the whole situation I think I screwed it up. 🙁

Do I still stand a chance? What if he really just doesn’t initiate contact any more? I have gone on dates but none of the guys can compare to him 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 22, 2016 at 2:29 pm

Hi COnfused,

I think the timing of telling him that you are going on a date with someone else was too early.. it’s more appropriate if the guy is undecided.. for now, let him cool off, and restart no contact.. after that initiate contact with him if he doesn’t

Lousina

July 20, 2016 at 7:57 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me saying his life goals don’t align with mine. We never had a single fight during our relationship and we were deeply in love. But suddenly he changed his mind and said good bye. I went NC for a week after the breakup but then I texted him, convinced and pleaded that we can be a good couple but he didn’t buy that. He said we can stay friends forever to which I didn’t agree. I kept persuading him for 2 more weeks after which I went NC. Before I went NC our last conversation ended on him saying that we can’t be together and that he has found someone else. He then blocked me and after 4 days unblocked me but I didn’t send him any messages then. Its been 25 days and he hasn’t contacted me. But he seems to be disturbed as I can see the frequency with which he used to check his whatsapp has increased X5 times.

If he doesn’t want me in his life, why did he unblock me? Why does he want to stay friends with me? Why isn’t there any appearant reason of the breakup?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 21, 2016 at 7:06 pm

hi Lousina,

coz he probably just blocked you out of being annoyed.. Most guys or girls want to stat friends with their ex especially if they’re guilty or they don’t want things changing much because they’ve gotten familiar with it

confused

July 19, 2016 at 5:35 pm

My bf broke up with me two months ago because he said he wasn’t happy with himself or the relationship and that he didn’t want to be with anyone, also he said that he doesn’t feel the same as he used to. I tried doing NC and then he texts me almost every week a few times and has a short convo. Then last monday he texted me out of the blue saying “remember I’ll always have love for you” and I couldn’t help but say thank you and have a short convo with him. Then wednesday he texted me again saying “lol your a sweetheart” since he got the graduation gift that I had ordered him but I never replied. He hasnt attempted to text me since then. So technically I’m on day 8 of NC and on snapchat he posts stories of him doing things and it looks like hes completly fine without me but he also tends to put on a mask on social media. Do you think there’s a possibility that he misses me? Also is doing the NC for the next 22 days going to work since it’s been two months since he broke up with me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 21, 2016 at 10:54 am

Hi Confused,

we can’t guarantee it but you should do what he’s doing now.. have your own life and be active in social media..if he wasn’t happy in the relationship then try influence what he thinks by being happy without him so that you can increase the chances of him missing you

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