The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

1,382 thoughts on “The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule”

Diana

May 5, 2015 at 10:56 am

Hi Chris,
I’m new here and your NC rule makes a lot of sense and I’d like to enforce it.
However, after my ex broke up with me after losing confidence in our relationship, I told him that I couldn’t be friends with him and in order for me to move on, I told him he’ll no longer see me or be able to talk to me. Obviously he hasn’t contacted me because I told him not to and he said this pains him.
I do want him back because i genuinely believe we are great together and see a bright future for us.
How effective will NC be if he knows that this is what I’m doing? He won’t contact me because I told him not to and he knows I won’t be contacting him.
Maritsa

May 4, 2015 at 10:17 pm

Hi Chris, So I just started my NC rule on my boyfriend. Once he told me that it wasn’t going to work out between us I said ok and blocked him from my social media. Was that a correct move? What if he doesn’t reach out to me during the 30 day rule should I still consider reaching out to him?
Thank you for your time and look forward hearing from you.
Clarissa

April 27, 2015 at 10:40 pm

Hello, my ex boyfriend and I broke up twice. The first time I told him it was best for us to break up and he agreed, I applied the no contact rule. It was hard since we go to the same school. After 5 weeks and texted him to talk. We made out and it felt amazing. It only lasted for 3 weeks and thru a mis understanding. We didn’t talk for 2 weeks and he texted me to just be friends and I agreed. 3 weeks later we went out and had intimate moments. that only lasted 4 weeks, because I was in love with him and he wasn’t. He dropped me with out explanation to hook up with other girl. we haven’t spoken in 9 weeks. He did ask about me. help
Lisa

April 25, 2015 at 7:12 pm

Hi Chris,

I just completed 30 NC (he reached out to me on Day 22 asking me how I was doing, I never responded).

Me (9:16): (I responded to his text) “I’m doing well, thanks! I’m at such-and-such bar and Look what I just saw…”
Me (9:40): (I sent him a pic of a dollar bill with our names and other friends names written on it posted to a wall of a bar from when we first started dating. Funny Memory)
Him (9:41): LOL omg hilarious
Me (10:10): I know right!! Gotta run, meeting friends for drink. TTYL

Not sure if this is a Positive, but careful Response or Neutral. Should I make contact again in 2-3 days or 7?

Chris Seiter

April 27, 2015 at 10:17 pm

I would say its a little above neutral and a little below positive.

tatgol

April 25, 2015 at 12:12 pm

hi chris,
and thank you for guidance.
i sent him a text , try my best to consider the right factors…
he immediately replied, but very simple , should i continue texting? how often?how many times? up to when? and i’m empty of suitable subjects
you know, my heart has almost freezed and really had been broken,i’m somehow impatient now after more the last 5 month of bad relationship and more than 2 month NC, he was/is really significant for me , but i want to know how can i break his ice? what is the best strategy to make the relationship again? and when i’d better to cut the line and forget him? this situation really irritates me ALOT
thanks again

Chris Seiter

April 27, 2015 at 10:08 pm

I hear you.

You should continue texting but make sure you read some of my guides exclusively revolving around it.

tatgol

April 23, 2015 at 4:32 pm

hi chris
thanks for reply.
is it correct to connect him now? is it safe enough that I initiate again now? I’ve read a couple of articles but i want to know your opinion?

Chris Seiter

April 24, 2015 at 10:36 pm

I would go ahead and try to intiiate.

Siri_c

April 22, 2015 at 11:35 pm

Hey Chris,

I’ve just finished my first week of no contact with my ex. I feel like he is very comfortable in the breakup now (broke up a month ago) because I messaged him a week back he said that he thinks the break up is the right choice. He used to tell me what if there’s someone else out there for us? I’ve decided to implement no contact after reading your blog but he’s such a stubborn guy, I’m really skeptical that it will work 🙁

Chris Seiter

April 23, 2015 at 12:47 pm

What makes you skeptical?

tatgol

April 22, 2015 at 7:47 pm

does the whole story work if he did the break up? and he was determined that i should go ,move on and LIVE(he was too busy and depressed, and i tried alot to save the relationship at the moment, almost trying for 3 month)
ps: now is exactly a month after i did not reply his text message and over 2 month after the night of break up.

carolina

April 23, 2015 at 11:16 pm

My ex broke up with me about a month ago, and we haven’t stopped contact at all, i begged multiple times and ive tried the nc rule but the more ive lasted is 4 days. However today i reminded him of some wrong things he did to me and he got very defensive and he thanked me for reminding me why he doesn’t want to get back with me. I am willing to apply the nc rule this time, but do you think it will work after all this?

PS : his birthday will be before the 30 days are over, should i text him hbd?
Chris Seiter

April 23, 2015 at 12:38 am

Yes it can still work.

Mag

April 21, 2015 at 10:39 pm

Hi -I’ll try and make it short- my boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. NC lasted for almost 30 days, well to be precise it was 22 days. Today I heard from his niece that their cousins died (I knew him, and felt extremely sad). I texted my ex to express my deepest condolences. He asked how I could know. I told him his niece called me. And then he completely freaked out. He was angry at her and angry at me, he texted me like crazy. I apologized for contacting him but not for speaking with his niece. He probably thinks we speak about the relationship or the break up too, which we don’t.
He was still pretty angry when I stopped replying, but he apologized an hour later, saying he was angry at his niece for not giving me space.
Surprisingly, I handle the break up pretty well (although I miss him and love him still). I thought he was doing good too. The only space I needed was from him, not his niece or whoever.
So I replied to his apology, and he started talking about the funeral. When I replied to that and kept making normal conversation, he freaked out again. It felt like I was talking to two different persons. I tried to calm him down, but that didn’t help, he’s now angry at me for not telling his niece to stop contacting me.

I stopped replying again and now he texts me repeatedly, making accusations but begging me not to reply. He said me contacting him brought everything back up, he now can’t sleep.

Funny thing is, he texted me Friday night that he’ll love me always and forever. I didn’t reply.

I am so confused now. I never meant to make conversation, I just wanted to let him know I was sorry for his loss. Now he says all that progress we made is destroyed. What did I do wrong?

I feel that when he says I need to focus on myself and NC was meant to protect me from being hurt, it’s actually the other way around. Could it be that he is coping much worse than I am? And if so, how are the chances of reconnecting with him? I do miss him, I appearantly just handle being apart much better.

Thanks a lot for reading and if possible, for replying! Much love
-M

Chris Seiter

April 23, 2015 at 12:15 am

Its possible that he isn’t coping well.

Umm generally speaking men don’t handle emotion as well as women (not that anyone handles emotion well) but I think women just have more practice.

Wendy

April 17, 2015 at 12:58 am

Hi Chris-
I met this guy on an online dating website. We really hit it off and had a lot in common. We talked ever day or every other day for 2 months. Our first date was really rough due to me being nervous and shy, he didn’t talk to me for 2 weeks and drunk texted me for 5 hours one night. The next day I tried to call and he has blocked my number. Will the No Contact a rule work on him?

Chris Seiter

April 20, 2015 at 8:22 pm

It can work on him.

Stella

April 16, 2015 at 4:12 pm

Chris,

I’ve been dating this guy for a year. I broke things off because of his lack of commitment. He called my bluff now I’m the one that’s heart broken. I contacted him after the break up begging for another chance (after I broke up with him lol) he said I’m very confused and don’t know what I want. He left it at that and stopped replying altogether. We haven’t spoke in a week, I’m implanting the NC. Will this too backfire 🙁
Rony

April 15, 2015 at 2:15 pm

Hi Chris, it has been a while since i contacted u! 🙂
My X bf keeps telling me and repeating himself like a parrot that he is not under my mercy!
He says so coz i traveled, completed 45 days of NC on him and when i reached out 4 him .. i was stuck in a problem (Btw he was super super excited to offer help and very supportive after he made a realisation that i’ve been bk since a while and i didn’t contact him he started to be more cautious and neutral!)
We met a week ago and i can notice that he is still having feelings 4 me but doesn’t wanna admit although its obvious .. we had a stupid fight and im pissed of by him telling im not under ur mercy and im not ready to step in a relation at all now and esp. with u after u traveled!
Now what! :/

Chris Seiter

April 16, 2015 at 3:44 pm

He just needs some more prying to get his feelings for you back I think.

sarah

April 12, 2015 at 10:30 pm

Hello Chris,
My bf and I were together for 3 years andliving together. We split up for 30 days. (His words) I moved out and didn’t contact him. He contacted me once I did not respond. The second text, I didn’t get, and the third time we texted back and forth niceley. A few weeks later i am not sure how the topic came up but he asked if i thought i could do better? We were kinda arguing and my response was i could but thats not what iam trying to go after. I love you and care about you and just want you to be better. I ment for it to be like the saying the grass isbt always greener on the other side, its greener where you water it. Thats not how he took it. He only saw the i could part and has been constantly telling me to go find better.Went a few more weeks and he demanded a date. He went above and beyond on this date. Did things i never imagined him doing. I love 50 shades and we role played it. All night he was sweet, said he loved and misses me and by morning it was back to I need to find better. What?!? So I left him alone, he said I’ll talk to you later and two days later he did. It was Easter and he picked me up went yo his mothers house and he was distant towards me like he was putting up a front in front of his family. We rode bikes to the park and played with his kids. We came back and he was busy in the other room wouldn’t sit by me but when he dropped me back off, he was quick to kiss me when I went yo hug him. I left him alone again. Then we talked a few days later and he’s still in the find better. So I tell him I agree withhis decision to see other people and that I am ok with it. I apologize for my I could comment and that it was disrespectful and that I was going to continue to better myself and that we both needed space. He got sad, but didn’t want me back. The next day he sent me a song about being together and another one about letting a woman go. Then he gets mad when I am on a dating website. It was,hurtful to see. He was on the same one. He got off that one and was mad I was on more than one. He bashed me, couldn’t believe me, and was mad about a certain picture I had up. I got off, took off my Facebook, he unfriended me anyways. The way Iwent about him confronting about the sites probably wwasn’t the best. I pretty much told him I learned about them from him. He gave me a thumbs up and hasn’t said a word since. I did text him and told him I was wrong for the way I responded. He ignored me. I so cluess on what to do. That morning after our date I do remember him saying don’t you know everything is a test? I don’t know what to do. I tell him he’s the best thing for me, I’ve apologized for my wrong doings, I tell him I love him, I did what he wanted me to do but its not really what he wants me to do, but he doesn’t want to be with me right now. I need some help and advice please! Does he want me? Do I ignore him for another 30 days? Do I get back on the dating site? I do want him back.
Gilly

April 4, 2015 at 12:25 pm

I have successfully completed the 30 day no contact rule and reached out to my ex using a picture of us taken together which had a funny memory. My ex did reply and acknowledged the good memory but said it’s probably best we didn’t talk as he doesn’t want to lead me on? I remained positive with my response and ended the conversation. I haven’t heard from him and I plan to reach out again in a few days. Is it too early to start thinking about my apology?
Suze

March 26, 2015 at 3:12 pm

Hi! I just sent my first contact text after 30 days NC. During that time I’ve done a lot for myself as recommended and honestly I feel great! I was not even expecting a reply to the first text but ended up getting one.. was super happy. In fact, I wasn’t planning to send my first text till next week, but something happened naturally yesterday that just made it feel like the right time. Here’s how it went down:
me (2:32PM) – Just heard Harvest Moon come on at Phoenix coffee. I remember how much you like that song and it made me think of you!
him (3:49PM) – Well if anything reminds you of me I’m glad it’s a Neil Young song. (5 minutes later, 3:54PM) But now I’m gonna have that stuck in my head all day, not complaining.
me (4:26PM) – Definitely not a bad thing. I’m heading into class though, nice to hear from you.
him (4:26PM) – Yeah you too. Hope all is well on your end.

What do you think? In my next interaction (3-4 days) should I send another first contact type text or move on to the “good memories”? I feel a little uneasy about the “testing in a conversation” you detailed in your book. It’s a little complex and I don’t want to come on too strong?

This response was overall positive but not OVERWHELMINGLY positive. It was better than neutral but not quite the “Hi! I’ve been thinking about you! How are you?” kind of positive outlined in the text.

Any advise helps.
–
Thanks!

admin

March 31, 2015 at 8:43 pm

Went very well!

Yes, do another first contact but make sure it goes a bit longer this time.

Shayne

March 21, 2015 at 8:04 am

Hi! My bf and I broke up for 3months now. He already has a new girl i dont know if it’s a rebound or that girl is the reason why we’re over. Whatever it is I still want him back. I message him march 3 and he told me he love that girl already. There’s a point that i think he’s trying to get me jealous, that’s when he told me “I have a problem I made her cry.” He even told our friends that I am messaging him again. After that I got so mad I unfriend him on facebook. But just now, I message him again. It’s about our puppy who’s sick at the moment. We talk casually and we joke around. I miss him so much. I dont know what to do next. Please help me.

admin

March 22, 2015 at 5:03 pm

You haven’t tried any NC at all since the breakup?
Shayne

March 25, 2015 at 6:01 am

Question. Is he trying to make me jealous when he always talks about orther girls? He even told me “Shayne question. How will you know if a girl is interested in you. Cause I can’t read her mind.” why is he doing this!!! When I answer, I always make it to the point that my emotions are in control I actually advised him.
Shayne

March 23, 2015 at 4:49 am

I’ve tried already. The last time we talked was last january. I talked to him again by march 3. Then march 21. The thing is I unded up like a crazy girlfriend after the break up begging for him not to leave me. I think i really pushed him away. He doesnt contact me even once. I’m always the one who initiate contact. Just now I’ve talked to him again and asked him if he can meet me when he go back here since he’s now in states. He agreed. My plan is to improve a lot and not gonna beg again. Im trying my best for him to go back to me but it really is a hard task.

ana

March 19, 2015 at 5:12 pm

hi chris,

My boyfriend and I were just about getting ready to move in together , I was going to relocate to his city as he had the better job. We had a huge argument the night before we signed out new lease and I ended up leaving angry and hurt. He was furious and ignored me for a couple of days then finally admitted it was his fault , he said he was in the wrong for having had treated me the way he did that night. He then said he was too ill-tempered for me , and since I was too sensitive/emotional this was not going to work. He said if hurt him deeply but insisted this was for the best. He kept checking up on me but I decided to start NC as he never tried or said anything that hinted he would like to work on it. I’m not sure if I am doing the right thing , I want nothing more to be back with him as I know he is a great person, and am willing to work things out together. In this case do you believe the NC has a chance of being effective or is it clear that he is giving me his final response. So confused…

admin

March 22, 2015 at 3:42 pm

I absolutely think the NC has a good chance of being effective.

Chloe

March 19, 2015 at 12:49 pm

Hi, my boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me 3 days ago. His reason was he was working so much since his promotion. Also I’ve had depression and it’s gotten terrible in the last month where I was accusing him constantly of cheating on me and hiding stuff. We was arguing over the slightest things. To the point where he asked for a break. I couldn’t do that coz I didn’t want to be strung along just incase he didn’t want me. He tells me he doesn’t know whether he wants to be with me but he still loves and misses me.
I don’t text him first. He’s the one to message me first. Since we’ve broken up he’s asked for us to just be friends Which his mum gave me some advice and said to give him some space and be his friend and he’ll come back but he still comes and sees me and he constantly hugs me, standing really close to me. It’s confusing as his actions around me say one thing but when he messages it’s just like a friend.
He’s told me he’s not planning on meeting anyone else coz he’s not looking for a relationship and he said he’d tell me if he did meet anyone.
How do I get him to decide whether he wants to be in a relationship with me ? I can’t just be his friend.
Kate

March 14, 2015 at 9:27 pm

Hi…thanks for your wisdom..I did NC for 35 days..sent a txt just saying hi ..how are you..he sent a txt back “lovely to hear from you, I often think about us and what might have beenxxx”. I’m at a loss as to what to do

admin

March 15, 2015 at 5:16 pm

Well, you should have used a different starting text but him bringing things up like that is very positive.

betty

March 13, 2015 at 10:57 am

hi chris its the last day of my nc rule and my boyfreind started talkin to me saying tht he api for me since he left me we i was abt to do my exam now tht sm1 contacted him n tol him tht am doing good he is sayin tht he wat us to be freinds …wat shld i do

admin

March 13, 2015 at 9:29 pm

End conversations fast and end on top.

But try to rebuild that connection a bit.

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1,382 thoughts on “The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule”