The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

1,382 thoughts on “The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule”

Anaida

March 12, 2015 at 3:55 am

It’s being 4 months I met this man on online dating site.we had amazing time when he was in India for two months. Then he went back to NY.
After going to NY he was OK for few days. But later he Started to show that he is extremely busy with work.he barely response when I knock him in viber and whatsapp.
But lately he stopped calling me neither he response if I knock him. Will no contact rule work on him.and as he stopped contacting me how will I implement it.

admin

March 13, 2015 at 7:59 pm

Yes it can still work.

You have to cut him off completely though. No more reaching out to him.

Wannha

March 11, 2015 at 6:33 am

Hi Chris,
I have been reading and listening to your podcast recently but still i could not put myself any game plan.

I broke of with ‘not official’ Boyfriend , who has been dating other girl(s) as well since we are not official, on 1st Feb and I tried no contact stright away.(no text no call but didn’t delete/unfriend His FB) He tried to reach me 3days after we broke up. I managed myself not to reply him for another week long and that he initiate the contact again. This time it was my false that I am too ethusiastict on replying him (sounds happy etc.) eventhough i tryied the Effect and end up cut the fontact by saying ‘hey i gotta go and want to catch up with you again, text me if you want to hang out or having lunch’

So I start over the NC again from day 1, but i think my last text was a mistake because after that, i did not hear from him again and he didn’t interact with me on FB (no likes or anything which I did ignore all his stuff too, although we saw each other through our mutual friends on FB)

The NC period for me is about to end and I think he might as well move on and date another girl exclusively and didn’t want to broke up with her. I am likely to give up but I know there will be no way i can avoid him since we are in similare social circle and there is coming event i will be working on at the bar and he will also be working on that event as well so we can’t really avoid each other.

What can I do?
Will there still any hope? Or better for me to move one?

During 30 days NC I realise a lot of mistake in our relationship and know why we can’t be exclusive due to my neediness which I am trying to work on myself and try to be the Ungettable Girl. I don’t know if 30days is too short too see the different or he completely over me since he got that girl of his and tend to be serious not a rebound (he start dating her a bit before me but not decide yet)

Is it too late since he already made up his mind?

Anyway, thank you for reading this and I would be appriciate if you could be able to reply me.

Have a nice day!

admin

March 13, 2015 at 7:09 pm

Ideally you need a strong icebreaker after the NC.

Kayla

March 11, 2015 at 12:57 am

Hi Chris my name is Kayla. Me and my bf broke up agreeing to still keep in contact and see how we’re both doing which was his idea I went along with since he broke up with me. But after I read this I started the no contact rule because I wanted to try it and I am trying to get him and the power back and make him miss and think about me a lot. So it’s been a week now and he’s texted me 5 times since then. But his last text was saying he doesn’t understand what he did but that I could call our chances of getting back together off now because he tried and probably is aggravated about me ignoring him because he always did hate when I do that. So should I still finish the no contact rule without responding and just try texting him after the 30 days are up a good memory of us and see how it goes? Also if he just texted me that because he does miss me and shows up at my house before the nc rule is up asking why I’m ignoring him what should I say. And if he comes here do I have to start the nc rule all over again

admin

March 13, 2015 at 7:06 pm

I think you should still finish up the no contact rule, yes.

Elizabeth

March 10, 2015 at 9:06 am

Hi Chris-

I spoke to you once about a man who said he had feelings for me but still had feelings for his ex and that he still wanted to be friends . Since then I did no contact and he reached out two weeks later asking for coffee. At that point I decided that i’d rather be friends than nothing, so I responded but I was really busy with work and couldn’t handle the distraction so I put him off, making plans for a week later. Then timing didn’t work out and we both decided to have drinks the next week….I didn’t reach out and neither did he. It’s now been a couple weeks since his original contact – we spoke a week ago and he went away for a few days, saying he’d msg me when he got back. I wanted to distance myself so that he could miss me a bit…but I dunno if I left it too long and he’s completely lost interest.
I have several Qs:

1. Is this recoverable at all? Even as a friendship? The last thing I want to do is be the girl that he doesn’t want to be texting him.
2. What should my next step be? I was thinking of sending him a cute ‘nudge, nudge’ kind of a text to get things going again
3. Really, I’m exhausted thinking about it and just want to send him a message telling him that I’m not seeing anyone because I’m still into him.

Please just tell me what to do – this is completely consuming me.

elizabeth

March 13, 2015 at 10:01 pm

Nudge nudge!

What do you think??

Emily prado

March 9, 2015 at 10:59 pm

I’m not so sure on what to do, my ex (partner)and I were talking for about a year and officially together for 4 months. Our relationship was amazing! It was healthy peaceful and pure! Until her ex contacted her. Keep in mind her ex was crazy, controlling and himiluated my ex everywhere they went! Not to mention a gold digger, anywho; my ex decided to leave me for her ex because she wanted her what if. It has been about a month already but during that month we’ve had contact and also physical contact. I ask her why did she do that to us and her respond was “If you and I are meant to be I need to know why I feel this way for her, in order for us to start a life together I want to move on with you without having that regret of not having a what if” I don’t know what to do. I’m going on a week without talking to her. Do I have a chance of getting her back? If the relationship was poison before who’s to say it won’t be again?
Her other reason is because she holds on to the history they had.
She has even told me, that over a weekend that we weren’t talking she realized she was dry with her ex and that she did not feel any affection or happiness.
HELP! Lol
Thank you,
Emily

admin

March 13, 2015 at 4:20 pm

Your ex partner?

Were you not officially boyfriend/girlfriend?

lost

March 1, 2015 at 1:13 pm

Hi chris
Today is my last day of Nc and its been 3 months that my bf left me and the 2 months we had alot of fights untill i decided to go on the Nc.

But the problem is i didn’t see anything that shows he feels guilty for leaving me for no reason
Or he wants to make me jealous or anything! He is al2ays going out having new friends and next week he is traveling for 5 days with the university iam not sure if i should talk to him now.
Well my friend had the same prob with her bf and after 3 months she decided to go out with another guy to make him jealous and it worked she knew he was at a plaxe and they went their and from that moment he started talking to her again and begging her …
Should i do the same ? Or its not a good idea

jenny

March 1, 2015 at 11:00 pm

Please help me om this i can i do the same or not ?

Jan W

February 27, 2015 at 10:41 pm

Hi Chris.

I spoke to you on another post about the situation with my ex boyfriend. He had just come out of a 20 year marriage where his wife left him for another man. He broke up with me last summer after a year of dating and we have been kind of on and off since then. I have done NC 3 or so times over the 8 months we have been apart and have made some of the mistakes you wrote about as well. You pretty much thought the way his wife left him was devastating and that he needed more time to commit. I have to agree. But after reading this article, I am rather reluctant to contact him after this round of 30 day NC. He has not contacted me at all so I am thinking I need to continue with NC until I hear from him. I feel a bit worn out from it all. Any insight you can share would be appreciated.
Sil

February 27, 2015 at 10:29 pm

hi Chris!

I finished NC, I am actually very happy with how it went (and a little disappointed about how someone I admired so much and thought so unique, fell exactly in one or more of your categories, but hey, Chris 1 – exbf 0!). I have one question though. Do you have any tips on how to answer if he keeps asking why you did the NC? I guess I am afraid that he thinks I was playing games with him or sees it as a power struggle he lost against me. I keep teasing him brushing the thing off with silly stuff like I am a spy and was undercover on a mission, but he keeps asking. how do you thing I could handle it?

Sil

February 27, 2015 at 10:34 pm

To give a little more context, we used to talk A LOT even after the breakup, since he said I was still his best friend (ugh I know). We texted all day every day. That is why he is so curious as to why I disappeared. At first he was not pressing the issue, he said it was not his business, but since we are getting a bit more intimate with our texts and even a couple of phone calls, he asks again.

ginryu

February 27, 2015 at 5:42 am

So after 6 months post breakup, 3 nc which I forced on my ex, my ex sent both me and my mother flowers for our birthdays. Then he sent me more gifts for a few more days after Even though I didnt respond to about 6 forms of contact. Seemed like he was using my bday to test the waters but I was to afraid to break nc. we bumped into each other 3 weeks later and he said “did you get my gifts? Cause I didnt think about it much anyway soo…” is this the angry response to nC? Cause he no longer tries to contact. And what should if I do if I want to see if im still interested in recon?
Jessy

February 26, 2015 at 11:47 am

I’ve been seeing this guy for 8 months. We both came out of painful long term relationships shortly before we got together. We never told each other that we loved one another. There was a lot of attraction affection and chemistry between us. And we had lots of fun. Towards the end someone close to me passed away and I was very upset and cold towards him which I regret now. He told me he wasn’t sure about our relationship, if he would ever be over the ex girlfriend that hurt him. And that he just wanted to be friends. I agreed I said I may not be completely over my ex boyfriend too, and if that’s what he wanted then I’m afraid we couldn’t be friends. Now he’s gone it’s only been 4 days of no contact. I have realised how much I really do love and care for him. Do u think there is any way he could want me back even though he said he still has feelings towards his ex? Thanks

admin

March 1, 2015 at 6:14 pm

Well, 4 days is still so early.

Keep strong with the NC.

There is definitely a way but you need to reassert your control a bit.

Ana

February 25, 2015 at 8:16 pm

You want hear something funny, last summer i implemented NC rule on a guy who never made a move it worked just like you said, but the thing is i didn’t knew then that there is formula for this, i foud your site few days ago. haha I did 49 days of NC then and when i added him on fb two days later he contacted me. And we went on a date etc. But now we broke up so i wanted to ask can i get him back again with NC?

admin

March 1, 2015 at 5:50 pm

You sure can…. It’ll probably be more effective this time around.
Ana

March 1, 2015 at 6:42 pm

But the problem is that we broke up because he lost attraction, will it still work if this time i use NC AND ungettable girl?
Ana

March 2, 2015 at 9:57 pm

Yes or no? I need your blessing haha
admin

March 3, 2015 at 9:38 pm

YES!!!

Haha sorry didn’t mean to yell just got excited.

Joanna

February 24, 2015 at 9:57 pm

But what if your ex never tried to contact you during the 30 days? Should we assume that he just does not care?

admin

February 25, 2015 at 9:21 pm

No, I would say it just means he is more stubborn than anything.

Kristin

February 24, 2015 at 2:28 pm

Hi Chris. First of all, I find myself at your site reading frequently. The detail and information you provide has been very helpful. I don’t know that you will respond but maybe some readers out there will. My boyfriend (46) and I have been dating since July. We fell fast and hard. Both of us have been married. I sold my house, changed jobs and moved across states to be with him in late November. Things were good for a while (he was finishing his intense masters program until end of December) but after that, we have found ourselves in a constant fighting cycle. The last three weeks before our “break” were really hard and he said that he didn’t see a future with me any more. I was hurt – I mean I literally gave up my life for this and I felt like he was backing out too early. Last week we decided to take a three week, no contact, no cheating break and I “moved out” during that time. He said if he were to ever get past the fighting and the feelings of me not trusting him he needed this. I have found myself mixed with emotions – seeing things from a different light. I love him and I know he loves me. I just don’t want either one of us to give up so quickly after what we did to get the relationship there. Are there blogs or readings you would recommend during this time?
Gena

February 23, 2015 at 9:04 pm

Hi Chris,
I’d dated this guy for 2 months. We had planned a weekend together, which didn’t go well. A big part of it was miscommunication and misunderstanding. Basically, we had different ideas for the weekend. And, he made the decision on his own to change our agenda. There were other things involved… my friend found him on a dating site which shows his profile active at the minute. This led to a verbal confrontation and drunk mean texts. He sent me a text ending the relationship with the reason that ” He has alot of work he needs to focus on and can not have any distractions from anything , anyone and including himself. He is sorry where it leaves me. And, he wish me the very best, somebody will be lucky. He is sorry it won’t be us.” – Those were his words. I was very hurt and went crazy girl on him when I found out about his online dating activity. Aside from that weekend, we had great chemistry, we would go on for hours talking and laughing almost every day. It was always a very happy energy. It’s been about 1 week now of NC. What is your opinion on his breakup message? Would it be even an idea to contact him after NC, since he had mentioned no distraction, or is the damage already done and irreversible and I should just let it go. Or maybe I should leave the ball in his court? I’d love to get your perspective on this. Thank you so much. -Gena
Ashley

February 23, 2015 at 4:39 pm

Hi Chris!

I emailed you, but I completely understand that you get flooded so much with them! My ex and I started off in a “limbo” relationship where we were basically together, just without the title. I think we both just thought the other had commitment issues, but we finally became official in June after six months (it started in January of last year). We didn’t get to see each other as often because we lived about an hour away and had busy schedules while we weren’t at university. In August we broke up because I hung out with a guy friend that he didn’t like. We ended up getting back together a couple weeks later after talking it out, which I kind of wished we didn’t because of all the negativity that was still there.

We broke up at the beginning of January. We hadn’t seen each other much in three weeks because it was Winter break. He had been distant a few days before that, and I kind of have an idea of why but it was nothing to break up over. We were texting back and forth one day, and he had asked me who I lost my virginity to. He got mad once he found out it was a friend of mine (who realty has no significance in my life), and was like “why would you still talk to him while you had a boyfriend?” He was extremely pissed, and he said he was going to wait to break up with me until school, but that he didn’t think we were best for each other. I ended up sending him a long text a week later, which he didn’t respond to. He asked me to meet up and return each other’s stuff, and I tried talking to him then but he was extremely cold and mean. At one point he said nothing I said was going to make him be my boyfriend again. I don’t know if that was out of anger or truth. I went no contact for 21 days and then tried texting him a couple times, definitely the WRONG texts to send, but they were a couple days in between. I got impatient and ended up writing a letter to him and leaving it on his doorstep with this canvas thing I made him a while back. He returned it on mine the night after with no contact at all. I texted him out of anger after I found it, but since then have been doing no contact. I know it most likely came off as extremely desperate, emotional, and irrational. All of which I am not, I promise (I know you probably hear that a lot HA HA ☺)!

I guess now that you know a little background I was hoping to get some advice with a couple questions! I know I rushed it before and that was a mistake, but I know with more insight I can do things right and with patience! And I am confident that I know the mistakes I have made, like not admiring him as much I should have. The small things that are really bigger things.

1. Did I completely blow my chances with giving him that letter? Especially with how he reacted to it.
2. He seems to be so headset on ignoring me, and has even blocked me from FB and Instagram. Are the chances he would even talk to me after no contact, if he hasn’t yet, decreased? He has always been stubborn and hardheaded, and has said before he wouldn’t talk to me again if we had broke up.

I really appreciate how you try to help everyone, thank you for your time!
pearl

February 22, 2015 at 11:56 pm

Hi Chris! Your post has been very helpful to me and give me a great insight on exes. I successfully completed the NC of 30 days and during the NC my ex reached out to me 3 times. First, with an email to say that his feeling has faded and he dont see us together in future. Second, with a text asked for a meet up. Third with an email of an update of his current life (work problems and his plans bout it), in the third email also he explained that fighting wasn’t the real reason he broke up with me but rather my trust issue with him.(he never cheated on me). And in both email he repeatedly said that he stand by his decision to break up with me and don’t see me in his future. He said also that he wants to see me happy and don’t want to drag me into his life. We were engaged for 2 years and he said that if marriage is what i want go and find it. My question is, 1.are this a clear sign he no longer want to be with me?
2. Should i give him the closure by accepting the breakup (I immediately did NC on him and to him i havent let him go)
3. Is this just a sign he is hurting too?

Thank you in advance for taking the time to help me.

admin

February 23, 2015 at 9:32 pm

1. Tough to say…
2. Accept the breakup and go NC>
3. I think so.
Pearl

February 25, 2015 at 8:35 am

Hi Chris, he also said that he tried to relive the sparks in our relationship by going to our usual places but disappointed that the feelings aren’t there anymore. What is the best thing for me to do after the NC?

Rime

February 22, 2015 at 6:46 pm

Hi chris
” some of y ‘all are not where you want to be In life Yet party every weekend ”

I was the priority of my ex bf of 7 years.
When we broke up partying each week was his priority.
You think a Man will get back to his conscious if he is going out each day and start thinking that he lost the girl if his dreams because of this ? Or he will prefer this life over her or he will get bored eventually

admin

February 23, 2015 at 9:20 pm

Partying vs a girlfriend?

I think this happens when a man thinks he gets a little too comfortable in a relationship.
Rime

February 23, 2015 at 10:13 pm

Nooo after we broke up he started going out a lot ‘partying ‘ with friends even though he used to tell me he hate partying and he prefers to be committed

my question:
1.do you think that he is filling his time to forget about his feelings ?

2.will a man get bored eventually from partying and start thinking again of his gf
admin

February 24, 2015 at 9:15 pm

1. YES!
2. YES!

hahaa

mfy

February 22, 2015 at 5:33 pm

I am loving your blog. It’s already been a week after the official break up. for a month before that he already asked for space. I want to try your 30 day no contact rule. I still have doubts of it not working coz our situation is pretty complicated:
– we are in a long distance relationship.
– he is a really busy man. (he has his own business and kind of has a type a personality) even when we were together, he was still busy so I’m afraid the no contact rule will have little effect bec he won’t be thinking of me.
– he told me he fell out of love of me plus our long distance rel is taking a toll on him bec he can’t travel much bec of his work.
– he wants to meet a nice girl nearby 🙁
– he wants to stay friends with me. even with my friends.

admin

February 23, 2015 at 9:13 pm

Glad you like the blog.

You should check out the LDR posts/podcast episode.

Also, I still think NC is going to be effective for you in a LDR situation.

Alia

February 22, 2015 at 3:36 am

So I recently found out that my number is still blocked or has been re blocked. We use to FaceTime a lot so I noticed on my laptop the FaceTime showed it was available so I thought he either got a new number or blocked me. So I tried face timing him from my friends phone and he actually answered. Of course we didn’t say anything but I heard his voice and knew it was him. I posted before that we talked for a solid 2 months and hung out nearly every day… Towards the “end” he did say things to me like “I feel like you don’t like me anymore” or “you’re wishy washy” I read one of your posts about why he isn’t interested in you anymore. And I have came to realize maybe my problem is Cardinal Sin #5- Is He Admired Anymore? I have tried in the beginning to contact him.. no answer and then after awhile I just stopped so its been like another 2 months where i haven’t tried to contact him at all until today… But he technically doesn’t know that… I think he trying to be manipulative….He comes off as a controlling person, he trys to be in control… See I’m a scorpio and I’m very independent and very stubborn so our personalities clash in that area. He has even said “I can be 10 x worse” (something like that) or stating that he’s “really petty”… So basically I kind of think I know what I’m dealing with… But what do you think???? Do you think he’ll ever come back down to earth and put his “pride” to the side lol

admin

February 22, 2015 at 5:24 pm

I wonder if he is a bit younger?

He strikes me as a younger guy from his actions.
Alia

February 23, 2015 at 12:02 am

No he’s actually 2 years older than me … I mean he’s still young (21)
Alia

February 23, 2015 at 3:31 am

do you think I should just wait it out / move on… lol I feel like eventually he will come around…
admin

February 23, 2015 at 9:37 pm

I would trust your gut!
Alia

February 24, 2015 at 4:00 am

Thank you so much! After posting my last comment I actually listened to your podcast on blocking. Thanks again!
admin

February 24, 2015 at 9:31 pm

Sweet!

Bibi

February 20, 2015 at 1:52 am

Hi Chris,

Just wanted to say that your website has given me some peace after my break up, thank you. So my situation happened like this: After we went to a friends party a sudden sadness and odd feeling dawned over because as I looked at other couples in that party I felt like there was something missing in my relationship, it came down to me feeling unattractive and unwanted at the party. Instead of causing a scene in front of his friends I decided to talk to him privately, but I acted very cold towards him for the rest of the night.
Everything seemed ok, afterwards, he seemed to understand that there was something that needed to be talked about but he didn’t act anything like we were close to a break up, he even bought my Christmas present the day after the party. Two days later after the party I meet with him to talk and make him aware of my feelings and that at the party I felt unwanted and unattractive because of his lack of attention towards me. He said that he was distant because he knew something was bothering me so he didn’t want to bother me even more. It all came down to me asking him to clarify his feelings towards me and to tell me if after our four years together he was still in love with me as I was with him. He couldn’t say it and all he kept telling me was I’m sorry, but never a concrete answer. So I left, and didn’t talk to him for a week, it was the lousiest and most miserable Christmas of my life..I broke off the NC after a week asking to meet and fix things, after going around in circles about why he didn’t want to go back together he just said that he didn’t think he could never open up his feelings to me again and that things were best left as is since he felt he couldn’t treat me like I deserved. He had never been so cold to me, not even during one of our biggest fights, so I felt like crap. But it wasn’t until I texted him a few days later and received no reply that I felt like all was lost. Since then I haven’t tried to contact him and neither has he. He moved out of town to pursue a masters program and well here I am healing. I just didn’t see it coming and I know that I felt loved by his side, so accepting that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore without really knowing why has been the most difficult part. I know that he had some self esteem issues and that the frustrations of not finding a job or getting accepted into the program he wanted were hard on him, but to what extend are they a factor to him terminating our relationship? He told me he loved me every day, and it hurts that he lied about his feelings for so long…now I find myself struggling daily with the urge to text him and to tell him how much of a coward he was for acting the way he did.. but idk if it’s worth the risk if I’m going to get hurt..just wish with all my heart that the urge disappears so I can move on to what life and God have stored for me. What do you think ?

admin

February 20, 2015 at 11:43 pm

Hi there, thanks for the kind words.

Would you be willing to record this for my podcast and I can give you a more personal answer there? I’d like to tackle this one for everyone and you of course.
Bibi

February 21, 2015 at 4:36 pm

Thanks for the reply Chris,
I would love to, and well how can I record it and send it to you? My area of expertise is not technology jaja.
admin

February 22, 2015 at 4:56 pm

Sure, just go to my contact page I explain everything there,

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/contact/

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1,382 thoughts on “The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule”