By Chris Seiter

Updated on June 9th, 2021

What if I were to tell you that there are five big signs you need to keep an eye out for that will tell you that your ex feels guilty.

Would you believe me?

Probably not but today we are going to be exploring what these five signs are and how you can diagnose them.

First things first though, I want to be clear that in the grand scheme of things there are probably more than four signs that prove your ex feels guilty but I just wanted to focus on the five on this page because they are the most common that I see from working one on one with clients.

You ready to rock?

5 Signs That Your Ex Feels Guilty

What is guilt in the context of this article?

Put simply,

Guilt = Feeling Bad For An Action You Took

Typically, guilt in this instance can be mistaken for regret and I will admit that they are closely related. In fact, often it’s the feeling of guilt that can lead us to regret our current path.

However, guilt tends to occur before regret.

It can often be identified within exes by these five signs,

  1. Diagnose The Three Reasons People Tend To Feel Guilty
  2. Their Social Media Behavior Changes Dramatically
  3. Being Abnormally Quick To Anger
  4. Your Ex Becomes Very Moody
  5. Your Ex Becomes Very Avoidant

Let’s take a minute and discuss each of these signs.

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Sign #1: Diagnose The Three Reasons People Tend To Feel Guilty

Here’s a general rule of thumb when it comes to guilt.

There are typically three reasons or categories that can answer the “why” of why people feel guilty.

  1. You knew better…
  2. You caused hurt, harm or injury
  3. You disappointed someone

View these three categories as “the rules of guilt.”

Essentially your ex can’t feel guilty unless he or she falls into one of these categories.

And that’s what makes breakups such a prime candidate for guilt.

Chances are your ex can feel guilty for causing hurt, harm or injury because of the breakup.

So, here’s the interesting thing you need to take into account.

When I work with clients to determine if their ex feels guilty for their part of the breakup they tend to bring their own emotions into the equation.

The feel hurt so they automatically assume that their ex knows that they hurt them. It doesn’t always work that way.

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The Nature Of Self Interest

Being in charge of Ex Boyfriend Recovery has been a really interesting experience. It has given me a lot of insight into the human condition. Specifically how people react when they go through an extremely difficult time in their lives.

If you were to ask me what is the biggest takeaway I’ve gotten from being in charge of this website for half a decade I’d tell you that it’s an easy question to answer.

Nine times out of ten people will do what’s best for them. Humans are very self interested creatures.

In other words, it doesn’t really matter how you feel.

What matters is that your ex recognizes that they are in the wrong.

Without that, they probably won’t be feeling guilty.

Sign #2: Their Social Media Behavior Changes Drastically 

Sign one was all about diagnosing guilt.

Essentially, trying to figure out if your ex was feeling guilty.

With this sign we are going to switch gears and assume your ex already feels guilty and look at one of the behaviors they will engage in.

Guilt can often cause people to react in strange ways.

One of the strangest reactions I’ve seen is that it will cause an ex to change their social media behavior drastically.

Let’s say that throughout your relationship your ex wouldn’t like any photos or posts on your Facebook profile.

However, after the breakup they change and it seems like they go overboard liking and commenting on everything you post,

This can also go the other way.

If your ex was very active on Facebook and would constantly give you attention and then after the breakup that stops it could also be another sign that they are feeling guilt.

Here’s the interesting misconception I see people having all of the time.

We tend to operate under the assumption that if our exes feel guilty it must mean they want us back.

I’d make an argument that guilt has nothing to do with a reconnection decision.

I feel guilty for how I treated my ex but that doesn’t mean I’m going to go beg for her back. Quite the opposite, I just look back at that experience and say,

Going forward, I’m going to do better.

That may be bleak for you to read BUT read on nevertheless, because I will be talking about how you can get your ex back if you are interested in that.

Sign #3: Being Abnormally Quick To Anger

For this sign I have to tell you a story.

For my tenth birthday my parents got me a pair of walkie talkies.

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At the time, this was a big deal to me.

You have to remember, this was before cell phones were even in existence or if they were they probably looked like this,

As a child I couldn’t believe I had these magical toys that allowed me to talk to my friends whenever we’d go out and play.

I got one glorious weekend playing with those walkie talkies before I took them to school.

Excited to show off my new birthday present I had the misfortune of showing them to a boy named Wesley.

Upon seeing my new walkie talkies he made all kinds of promises.

At first he told me that if I gave them to him he’d take them home and extend their range for me,

A few days go by and every morning I’d run up to him and ask him if he had my walkie talkies.

Every morning he’d have a new lie to tell me.

It even got as far as him promising me that he was going to install a television into the walkie talkie,

This was a big promise to make to a ten year old.

I can’t tell you how many times throughout the day I would daydream about what it would be like to have a television installed in my walkie talkies.

Every morning would come, I would ask where my new walkie talkie was and Wesley would find a way to hold me off.

Eventually my incessant asking got on his nerves and I was met with anger every time I would ask.

You have to understand that I had never encountered the concept of lying in my life up to that point. It was a first for me.

The funny part is that he stole my birthday present from me and then had the audacity to grow angry with me for asking for it back.

He was clearly in the wrong and every time I would ask for it back it would be a reminder of what he did.

As a result, he lashed out with anger.

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Scientists have found that this is a very common type of behavior within people who feel guilty.

They are quick to anger.

So keep an eye out for this with your ex.

Oh, and Wesley if you are out there I want my walkie talkies back and there had better be a damn television in them.

Sign #4: Your Ex Becomes Very Moody

For this sign I’d like to tell you another story.

Something that is happening right now in my life.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’ve been working overdrive lately producing a lot of articles and pretty much a youtube video per day.

The whole process can take me anywhere from 4 to 5 hours a day.

It’s exhausting work.

I know that doesn’t sound like a lot but this is 5 straight hours.

Often, there isn’t even a break and it’s a little bleak doing the same thing over and over again day after day.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining too much.

I love what I do.

But I do often feel guilty because doing the daily tasks prevents me from getting other business stuff done.

Important things like spending more time with my clients.

Doing a Facebook Live for my facebook group.

And a bunch of other things that aren’t worth mentioning.

This guilt makes me moody when I do get breaks because I feel like I can’t get everything I need to get done.

My wife even mentioned to me yesterday that she thought I was being extra moody and after thinking about it I realized that it stems from not getting everything done that I was supposed to.

Keep an eye out for moody behavior within your ex.

Sign #5: Your Ex Becomes Very Avoidant

Time to tell another story 🙂 .

Ok, with sign four I mentioned that when I don’t get all of my work done I can get moody.

Often it’s because I feel like there is unfinished business and the walls are closing around me.

Where things get complicated is that often when I do find time to work on those tasks that are making me moody I can actually avoid them.

It’s a weird self fulfilling prophecy,

I know…

I know…

It seems really dumb when it’s all mapped out like this but I think I avoid the extra work sometimes because it makes me feel bad.

Remember my good feelings/bad feelings theory?

Where people are drawn to things that make them feel good and and avoid things that make them feel bad

That extra busy work makes me feel guilty which makes me feel bad so I avoid it.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

If your ex thinks about you and feels guilty then they may avoid you.

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16 thoughts on “Signs Your Ex Feels Guilty”

  1. Clair

    August 18, 2019 at 11:01 am

    Hi Chris,
    Me and my boyfriend were together 28 years. Last year he left for 3 months but would come back every day for clothes etc, he left because he seen messages I’d sent to a stranger on Facebook, I was encouraging this guy as he was suicidal alcoholic etc, he said the messages were flirty they weren’t at the beginning but I deleted him when they got like that.. I never gave the stranger anything to say I’d leave my partner. He came back after three months but things weren’t the same. 4 months ago he left again and within a week he’d rented a house elsewhere, saying he had to leave as I turned angry (I hadn’t). He owns his own business and there’s a girl that works with him that I’ve never really liked but because she works with him I gave her the benefit of the doubt, we’d been out many times on social events etc. But I have a niggling feeling there’s something more to them but I haven’t got concrete evidence! I know they go on a lot of work trips together which I was never happy about, she has two children from different fathers and she left her ex 4 months before he left me this time. I don’t know what to do with myself as he’s left me in the family home with our children (23 years & 18 years) and our dogs. I never phone him or text but now and then he’ll phone me about silly little things! I’m at a loose end 🙁

  2. Shakita

    July 29, 2019 at 12:17 pm

    im pregnant with his child he disappear for 2/3 weeks then pop up and act like nothing wrong trying to pick up where we lefted off he just started working well he says i don’t believe him but it could be true but i think its his ex before me he got back with her so recently Wednesday he send a text messages and called me i didn’t respond so Thursday he called me and lefted a voicemail so i called him back he asked about are unborn child and my daughter i already have asked can he come spend his so called 3 days off with me and my daughter the love i have for him wanted to so bad but the woman in me can’t take his selfish ways no more i have been texting him calling him no respond but just to tell him to stay out my life i know he read the messages cause i never call from my phone or text from my phone always a different number so them numbers he been contacting me on after i ask him to stay away from me till i have his child but he won’t seem to listen is there another woman or does he feel bad for everything he has done to me i don’t know what to do i know him sent high school but we started dating in September of 2018 got my owe apartment he wasn’t working at the time and wanted to move in i told him no cause he couldn’t help with the bills and he change after that some for the better i guess but he treat me and my son like a serect he claim his mother know about the baby but who’s to believe him his not the same so if he doesn’t care for me or want my child why does he keep coming back acting like he care says im doing this for us but i never see none of the money well 4 of july he gave me 20 dollars its not alot but when you been taking care of him seen i meet him it meant a little something to me for once he didn’t take from me he gave me something besides his time which i have no more of the last 2 times i seen him we had sex and he lefted in the morning claiming his coming back but he doesn’t or call so this time i told him he wasn’t welcome at my house i had a boyfriend and he could have full custody of the child or it was going in foster care he hung up on me this happen Saturday any advice how to handle this switching please and thank you chris hope i didnt leave anything out

  3. Andrea

    June 29, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    Hey Chris. My boyfriend of a year and a half and I just broke up a week ago. We’re in our 30s. We had a great relationship. Never argued or anything. He said he cared for me but I know he had love issues because of an ex. He showed me he loved me all the time though. About a month ago he started getting distant. I tried talking to him about it but he said everything was fine. It just kept getting worse until I finally told him it felt like we were over. We both cried, hugged and kissed goodbye. That was it. Just cold turkey, no contact from either side. It’s been so hard for me not to contact him. That was only a week ago. I know he’s been hanging out with his single neighbor this week. I know he slept with her at least once (just hours after we broke up, that same day) and he took her and her kids to eat a few days later. Yesterday I see that he untagged himself from any of our facebook pictures. I talked to his mom last night and he told her we broke up because he couldn’t return the feelings I had for him and it wasn’t fair to me. She says he’s going to call next week to see how im doing. I know he cares about me. I never asked him to return the feelings or tell me he loved me. He showed me all the time and that was enough for me. Until he started getting so distant that I felt like he didn’t want me anymore. I know you’re going to tell me not to answer his call, but let’s just say I did…. How do I handle it?

  4. A

    March 10, 2019 at 10:54 am

    Thanks for your advice Chris.
    I am planning in extending it to heal myself and move past what I’m feeling now. I don’t know if it was a smart idea deleting him off everything because he noticed when I thought he wouldn’t off. Why don’t think he went and deleted me? Wouldn’t it be if he didn’t care anymore he wouldn’t do anything about it? I really feel he has moved on and I’m very anxious to even reach out by text when the time comes. The only excuse I’d have is to send a message wishing him well before he goes away for a few months but I feel this wouldn’t be enough to build rapport. I really feel my situation is hopeless because on one side I still love this person but I don’t want to hurt myself any further by reaching out and I’m not even sure I would want him back as things wouldn’t change and I wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want me.

    1. Chris Seiter

      March 10, 2019 at 9:34 pm

      Hi A!

      Give yourself a pat on the back because focusing on your own healing an participating in recovery activities is so important. You might want to take a look at 245 page eBook I wrote called, “The No Contact Rule Book” as it will help you in the healing department and also show you how time and space can work to your advantage.

  5. A

    March 9, 2019 at 12:06 pm

    Hi Chris.
    So my ex and I broke up a month ago and we were together for 4 years. I recently finished no contact and during the last few days coming up to the end of it, I unfriended him on social media platforms as I found out something I became very upset and angry about. I didn’t think he would even notice as I doubt he would’ve went and checked. Looking back I kinda regret it as it was done out of emotion. I noticed whenever I would put up a story on Snapchat he would be quick to view it (maybe I read to much into it) but nonetheless I noticed it. And then I noticed he wasn’t viewing mine anymore so he must have went and removed me after he noticed I had removed him. Now if I reach out, I will look stupid abd there is no other way to re-establish contact. I was thinking of extending no contact for another 2 weeks as even though I’ve been improving myself I feel I need more time to move past the hurt and the breakup itself. He will be leaving the country soon so I feel there isn’t even enough time to connect again and I don’t know if extending my NC is risky. I’ve bought your no contact rule book and it has helped me so much. Any help on my situation or how I could go about reaching out or if I should extend further would be appreciated. I will say that thus is our 3rd breakup, and he came back about 3 months after last time. His reasons for the breakup was that he was unhappy and git bored with the relationship and felt I deserved someone better.

    1. Chris Seiter

      March 10, 2019 at 1:41 am

      I am glad the No Contact Rule Book helped you so much. And I know it can be difficult to get traction with an ex. You should take whatever time you need to move past the hurt and raise yourself up. When its time to reach out, you can do so by text if you are not blocked and a letter as a last resort. I cover all this in pretty good detail in my flagship product, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”. A last, last resort (and a rather creative one at that) is to send him a “message in a bottle” (actually having it delivered by mail….a real bottle with a message). Yep, as crazy as it may sound, when one’s communication options are limited, it can certainly arouse curiosity and interest from an ex. Though if one use this approach, the message should be very brief. Remember the idea is to seek to get the ex to reach out and slowly build from there.

  6. Prince

    February 16, 2019 at 5:07 am

    Hey Chris hope your doing great.

    My ex and I broke about 3 weeks ago, she just told me that the reason is her. At 2 o’clock she calls but I didn’t pick up. Few days later her mum calls me and told me to check on her. We study at the same college. I took care of her for 2 days, we had fun, kissed and fooled around. At that moment I was getting my hopes up, till I asked her if she misses everything we had before. Few days later I asked her friend and even argued with her friend about how she feels since breaking up-and-coming how she was doing and she told to move on coz she has already and shes over me. Later that day my ex calls me twice but I didn’t reply till 4days passed I texted her and she ignored till I told her it’s important then she replied.. I never contacted her for a week and yesterday there was party we were invited and when she saw me going there she just hide from me and during the party she was avoiding me. I was feeling dissapointed everytime I see her. I just wish I get a text from her saying I miss u. But i don’t know if I’ll ever get that.

    I wanna know if there’s still a chance.

    1. Chris Seiter

      February 17, 2019 at 1:22 am

      Hey there…so I think your chances would be amplified if you were following a sensible ex recovery plan. I sure wouldn’t rule out your chances. It’s like you are both making little efforts to connect, but things are shifting back and forth a bit too much

  7. Jasmin

    January 30, 2019 at 11:17 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My boyfriend of nine months recently broke up with me because he needs to ‘find himself’ and work on himself. Our relationship was amazing, we very rarely argued, planned our futures together, understood each other so so well. I never saw any red flags/changed behaviors. He broke with me over the phone two days ago because ‘he couldn’t bear to see me in pain’. He maintained I did nothing wrong and it’s him that needs to sort out his life and that he hasn’t felt himself for the past 2 or 3 months. Yesterday was his birthday, so I dropped off all his presents to his house (whilst he was at work) and he received a dessert box at work (which I couldn’t cancel in time). He’s messaged me twice apologizing profusely for doing it over the phone, for putting me through all of this pain, for the timing and so forth. I ignored it (NC). He then messaged me saying he understands if I don’t want to talk to him, he apologized again and said he’s always there if I need to talk to him. I was hoping to do 30 days NC then when I’m ready talk face to face. Ultimately I want him back but I don’t know how to transform this guilt into regret. Do you think I have a chance?

  8. KT

    November 1, 2018 at 2:00 am

    Hi Chris!
    I bought your book and finished NC about a month now. I’m building rapport through texts. We text daily, mostly I initiated, Positive/Neutral Responses.
    – During NC, his behavior on IG changed. He posted a lot of B&W photos (scenery photos from old trips with me) and put sad captions. He stopped after texting phase started
    – He is quite nosy if I mention anything about traveling. At one point mentioned that I shouldnt do an overnight trip. He seems jealous/upset with a new guy friend that I met after BU.
    – He is obviously avoiding me at the moment. Because he refused any invites from our mutual friends. He doesn’t initiate as well, unless there is something important.
    – He became workaholic, and literally focus on work and not enjoying himself. Told me several times that his day is suck.
    – He helped me out with something recently, and I sent him a funny meme as a thank you. He responded “No need. You already gave me so much.”
    Overall, everything seems positive. But I have this uneasy feeling like you wrote here that he is guilty, therefore being extra nice to me and not necessarily want to be with me. How should I deal with this? Or am I just overthinking?

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 1, 2018 at 2:46 am

      Hi KT!

      Probably overthinking. It’s OK, we all do it. Just stick with game plan!

  9. White Flowers

    October 30, 2018 at 2:36 pm

    My ex broke up with me and said we could remain friends for now if I wanted, and if I didn’t he would understand. I chose to remain friends, I couldn’t bear losing him all together. We continue to see each other, hang out, we had been intimate, but no longer are. I do at times spend the night, we sleep naked, cuddle, caress each other, hug, hold hands, a little kissing, but no sex. We end our texts with emojis of ❤️…always.
    When he has been away he always sends me pics and sends “his love”.
    WTF… I move on? I’ve read every thing from relationship experts to understanding the Virgo man. I can’t figure him out.
    Is it time to hang it up and move on?

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 31, 2018 at 12:12 am

      Hi White!

      So it seems the relationship has turned more toward a friends with some benefits. I am not sure about Virgo men, but I believe if you follow a sensible ex recovery plan which I discuss in my books and on my site, you will likely improve your chances!

  10. Sera

    October 27, 2018 at 11:43 pm

    Hey Chris! Today I happen to come acrossg my ex at the gym & I was surprised he actually came up to me. I thought maybe he wouldn’t say anything or even look at me since when we last talked he started becoming avoidant after I reached out about a month over or so. He said hi then when up to me & greeted me w/ a hug we talked & laughed it was nice to see him. He was also kinda poking me or being touchy? What could this mean?

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 28, 2018 at 4:19 am

      Hi Sera!

      Seems like he is warming up to you again. But take things slow