By Chris Seiter

Updated on August 10th, 2021

Today we are going to be talking about the signs that your ex boyfriend isn’t coming back and you should move on.

I know it’s a scary thing to think about but it’s an important thing to understand so that you can properly diagnose your situation.

In all, there are going to be five signs that I am going to be talking about.

Each of these signs were chosen because they are the things that tend to contribute to a failed “get your ex back” campaign.

Let’s begin!

5 Signs That Your Ex Isn’t Coming Back

It’s interesting, so often you’ll see experts out there writing articles on signs that your ex is coming back but I thought I’d be a bit different and write an article about the signs that your ex probably isn’t coming back.

So, I went into my private “think tank” and came up with five signs that make it likely that your ex won’t be coming back.

  1. Your Ex Has Been Dating Someone New For Over Six Months
  2. You Can’t Get A Conversation Started At All
  3. Your Conversations Consistently Lack Substance
  4. Your Ex Is Getting Married
  5. It’s Been Longer Than 8 Months Since The Breakup

Now, I want to be clear about one thing before I start dissecting.

If you find yourself in a situation marred by these signs it doesn’t necessarily mean that you won’t ever get your ex back.

Believe it or not but I’ve had success stories from each one of the signs above except number four.

What it means is that if you find yourself in a situation with one of these signs (minus number four) your chances of success are significantly lower.

Ok, now that we have that out of the way let’s begin!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Sign #1: Your Ex Has Been Dating Someone New For Over Six Months

Rebound relationships are something that I talk about a lot here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

A few months ago I got curious and asked myself a question that I wanted an answer to.

I wonder how long rebound relationships typically last?

The problem was that no matter how hard I looked I couldn’t find a legitimate answer.

In fact, no one even dared to attempt to answer it.

I decided to buck that trend and compile all of my internal data with a lot of external data to come up with a loose answer.

That resulted in me making this video,

In it I theorized that the average rebound relationship will last for around 5.2 months.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Ahem… That’s 5.2 Months For You Skimmers (I know you skipped the video.)

So, what does this mean?

Does this mean that if your ex has been dating someone new for at least six months you have zero chance of ever getting them back?

Not necessarily.

What it means is that at that 5.2 month mark your chances begin to plummet.

That’s why it’s important for you to implement the strategies here to set yourself up for success.

Sign #2: You Can’t Get A Conversation Started At All

A big deal is often made about tactics like “the no contact rule” and “playing hard to get” when it comes to winning an ex back.

However, an often overlooked thing is the importance of conversations.

In fact, I’d go as far as saying that conversations are the lifeblood of any successful campaign to get your ex back.

So, what happens when you can’t get a conversation with your ex started at all?

The answer is that it’s not a good sign.

You see, the way I look at it is that there are two parts to conversations with your ex.

  1. Quantity
  2. Quality

This particular sign is looking at “quantity.”

Quantity focuses on investment.

So, the more conversations your ex agrees to have with you the more likely they are to invest themselves emotionally into you.

I can already hear the naysayers out there spewing criticism like,

What’s the big deal? It’s just a conversation?

There are very few limited resources in this world if you really think about it.

Sure, humans like to make a big deal about “scarcity” but if you really think about it you can always get more of something.

Lost your favorite book?

No problem, here’s another.

Went through a breakup?

No problem, there are a lot of other people you can meet.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Resources that are truly limited are big deals.

Time is one of those resources.

No one knows how much time they have to play with.

So, what they do with that time is a big deal. They may not be aware of it but on some level we understand it.

So, if your ex is investing their most precious resource into you it’s a good thing.

If they aren’t… well, that’s bad.

Sign #3: Your Conversations Consistently Lack Substance

Where sign number two was all about quantity this sign is all about quality.

Let’s pretend for a moment that you and your ex have been text for a month.

They respond at a good clip but their responses lack substance.

Instead of getting engaged and excited responses you get short and tired ones.

Like this,

Notice how it skirts the line between being rude and being indifferent.

If you consistently get responses like this.

It’s not a good sign.

Now, the obvious question you have at this point is,

Wait, what can I do if I am in this situation? How can I turn it around?

Quite frankly, the best thing you can do is check out my book because I have an entire section in it dedicated to turning things like this around.

For now, let’s move on.

Sign #4: Your Ex Is Getting Married

Can I be honest with you for a moment?

Clients who come to me in this situation break my heart.

Well, perhaps that’s not entirely accurate.

It breaks my heart to break their heart.

Above I made a pretty telling statement.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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I said that if you find yourself in one of the situations I am covering in this article it likely means that you’re chances have been significantly lowered. However, I have had success stories in every single situation so there is hope.

The one exception to that rule was sign number four.

Well, guess where we are?

I have yet to have a success story in a situation where your ex is getting married.

I want you to think about that for a moment.

Do you realize how many people I’ve had come through this website?

To date over 13 million people have visited this website,

Think about that for a moment.

Out of the 13 million men and women to visit this website not one has admitted that they got their ex back when their ex was getting married (or already married.)

I can’t even say that your odds are 13,000,000 to 1.

All I can say is that according to my research they are 13,000,000 to 0.

Sign #5: It’s Been Longer Than 8 Months After The Breakup

I am about to lay some serious truth on you.

And it may not be easy to hear.

Are you ready?

Contrary to what everyone will have you believe there is a point of time where your chances plummet to get your ex back no matter what you do.

Now, what do I mean by that?

It means that you have a window of opportunity where your chances “peak” and after this “peak” your chances probably won’t go up.

It looks kind of like this,

Now, is this a set rule?

No, there are always outliers but for the most part this is true.

Notice how the graph kind of makes an interesting looking triangle.

That is why I call this my “triangle theory.”

Most people fail to get their exes back because they attempt to make their moves in two distinct areas,

They either try too soon or too late.

Here’s where things grow complicated.

Everyone has a “different triangle.”

If I’ve learned one thing over the years it is that no two situations are alike.

The “peak” of the triangle is different for everyone. However, when I consult my vast knowledge of success stories I do notice one interesting trend.

Usually the “peak” occurs around three to seven months after the breakup,

How did I come to that conclusion?

Simple, most of our success stories occur around then.

Therefore, if we just consult some simple math and assume 8 months pass by since the breakup we can also safely assume that we are on the downward trend of the triangle arc.

In other words, right here,

And what did I say at the beginning?

One big mistake I see is people waiting too long to get their exes back.

Waiting eight months can significantly hamper your chances going forward.

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45 thoughts on “Signs Your Ex Boyfriend Isn’t Coming Back”

  1. Sheri

    August 6, 2022 at 9:36 pm

    Thank you!!! I love the hardcore honesty. There is less than 1% chance that I’ll ever hug the person that I can’t get out of my head & it’s infuriating.

  2. apeaceofmind1

    May 2, 2021 at 12:23 am

    Hi Shaunna, I was in a same-sex relationship for almost 3 years and she broke up with me via text just around close to a month ago. During the last time that we met, she was very cold and distant towards me. It was as though she had transformed to an entirely different person altogether. Just some context – she had just started on a new job that week and she suddenly reduced contact with me significantly. I took her out for dinner that weekend and wanted to have a proper talk but she was very reluctant to say anything and very eager to cut me short. Just snapped at me saying that she wanted to focus on her career and blamed me for some other things. I had explained to her my side of the story but it was almost impossible to get through to her. She then initiated the break up with me via text. It has been close to a month now. Should I contact her? What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 13, 2021 at 8:14 pm

      Hey there, yes I would reach out when you have completed a full 30 days NC. Be sure that you read the articles and watch videos about the types of texts to send to your ex after a NC and be sure that you think about the type of text, would your ex reply to that? The subject, what responses are possible. Prepare for all outcomes.

  3. Queen Aby

    September 13, 2020 at 2:10 pm

    Hi chris,

    my ex broke up with me two days ago, I keep on reaching him and tell him to talk to me but he isnt answering my phone calls, block me on messaging apps and keeps on telling me to move on, game over, leave him alone and not to talk to him ever again and then this morning Ive received a message from him says: “”I found out you belittled my friends gf the way you ask questions, why did you do that? It is such a mess” (which is the reason why we broke up, because of this woman who I found flirtatious with him) and then Ive explained my side, sent him several messages and calls but I received nothing. Ive beg and bargain and still try to keep intouch with him but he isnt responding.. does it mean he doesnt want me in his life anymore and there is no chance of him coming back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 2, 2020 at 8:55 pm

      Hi Aby, you need to go into a No contact for at least 45 days. You need to understand that you have to allow him this time to be less upset or angry with the situation.

  4. Eve

    August 14, 2020 at 7:26 pm

    Hi Chris, so I houseshared with a guy 3 years ago. He moved home – 2 hours away. Both work 5/6 day weeks but kept in contact & started to meet each month for 2 days. Conversation, chemistry were great, he’d always thank me & contact to see I got home safe etc. He came to visit me a few times, met my family, I didn’t meet his but got told all about them. We had a few minor rows in the 3 years, I always got back in contact first but they were never over big things. He can be stubborn but is also shy, deep & quite sensitive. He was single over a year when we met & was really hurt after his ex. I made more of an effort to be in contact but he was always happy to meet up etc when I asked. 

    This year, he contacted me more, acted like a boyfriend. I knew things were changing when he started planning things for our future. He visited me during covid, 1 night after a few beers, he told me he wanted a relationship, engagement, marriage, babies, build a house, a business etc. I had fallen really deep.

    One night we were talking, I commented about age. He thought I was 37/38 but I was just turning 40. He is 32. He then said we have no future. I apologised profusely for not telling him, I honestly didn’t think it was an issue. I made all the mistakes – cried, asked him to think about it, told him that I loved him etc. He went home I text & asked could we talk/meet in a few weeks, he replied after a few days & said the age gap was always an issue for him & that blew it up for him. He now also blamed distance – he knew I was prepared to move to where he is from. He said we would remain friends & move on. So I went no contact. I reached out after 30 days and got a few replies.

    He looked at my stories on Instagram & Facebook – where I’m dressed up/out/enjoying myself but never liked or commented on pictures. I left it 21 days & text to ask him the name of a bar we had been to. He told me and then told me he has started meeting someone. That was nearly 3 months after he dumped me. I fell apart.

    After a few days, I text to thank him for the happy memories & told him I now accept he is never coming back. I told him I needed to delete him from social media so I can move on. I wished him the best & he replied thanking me and said he hoped we can reconnect in time.

    I really saw a future with him & I do love him. Any advice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 17, 2020 at 11:09 pm

      Hey Eve, your best chance as some success is to follow the program, read some more articles that apply to your situation and make sure that you also follow the advice for the Ungettable girl too

  5. Chanelle

    March 4, 2020 at 10:33 pm

    Hi Chris,
    My ex broke up with me 3weeks ago, he said he was confused and didn’t think he could be the ‘man I needed’. He said he knows he will regret his decision as he said he was regretting it as he was ending it. He cheated just before Christmas and after a lot of talking I was willing to forgive with a lot of work and effort from his side, he then decided to end things after a month of inconsistent effort from him and emotional outbursts from me. However, after he ended things he was really reluctant to move out but I forced it to happen because of his mixed signals that were making my ‘processing the situation’ worse.
    Since the break up there has been limited contact, he sends me good morning messages, ‘check in’ texts and also sent pictures of us together yesterday with ‘u look beautiful’, i then woke up to a message this morning saying ‘I’m not trying to hurt you but I just can’t let you go like that, I know it’s down to me…’
    I have implemented NC and plan to stick to it for a while but I just want to know if u know what his mind is thinking?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 12, 2020 at 11:50 pm

      Hi Chanelle, so it isn’t possible for me to answer your question to the point of being able to tell you what he is thinking. However you going into a no contact and sticking to it for a minimum of 30 days is going to make him start wondering where you went and why you are not reaching out to him. And then he will start to remember your positive memories which is going to make him start to miss you

  6. Ashely

    February 28, 2020 at 4:42 am

    I agree with the timeline but I need your opinions. My ex broke up with me 12months ago. (followed no contact and text bible) and 3 months later I reached out and our conversations picked up once again, he would call, facetime, took me to Disneyland, Universal and other short trips. Well 8months into hanging out and talking everyday (he actually hanged out with my family again) I decided to ask where he saw us going and he said “nowhere, we’re just close friends”… so I’m back at square one taking space again. Feel like I wasted a year being there everyday only to find out a year later I’m a “friend”. Any advice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 28, 2020 at 9:34 pm

      Hi Ashely, so I am assuming you have gone back into No Contact at this point, I wonder if you flirted and put you and your ex in romantic positions – dates in romantic restaurants, doing things you used to do as a couple etc. It sounds more like you were in the friend zone this time around, if you choose to follow the process again when you start meeting up increase the flirting / friendzone / flirting and the places you choose to go with him need to be romantic

  7. Carmen Irish

    February 7, 2020 at 2:10 am

    My ex broke up with me 11 months ago. He’s a law student and is halfway through school, and his schedule doesn’t allow for much in the way of personal pursuits, which was half of why things didn’t work out, the other half being my anger issues (which I’m getting therapy for with great results–I’ve been calmer, and I’m also pausing before reacting). We have continued being roommates, but now he’s dating someone else on and off and is moving out when the lease ends which is in a couple months. I have never felt it was so hopeless getting him back until being faced with him moving out. I feel like I have no chance of getting him back once he’s moved out. Are chances still good?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 7, 2020 at 9:42 pm

      Hey Carmen have you started this program at all? I know it is difficult when you are living together, this is where we follow something called limited no contact. However you also need to work to become Ungettable so that you show you are better than anyone else your ex will date or meet.

  8. Melissa

    December 16, 2019 at 11:37 pm

    Hi Chris did you get my comment?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 16, 2019 at 11:51 pm

      Hi Melissa, I have replied to your comment yesterday

  9. Britney

    July 29, 2019 at 1:34 pm

    My ex-boyfriend broke up with me 12/2018. This month marks 7 months since we’ve split.
    He has been going back and forth between me and another girl since we broke up.
    I feel as though he’s slipping away.
    I do not want to lose him or continue ruining my chances of getting him back.
    I don’t know what to do!
    Please help me.

  10. Himanshi Daultani

    July 9, 2019 at 8:07 pm

    My guy broke up 25 days back…it was the second tym…he just started his career he has a new job n ol . We had a small fight .we use to have small fights every week .but aside fight things were really very smooth suddenly he ended our relationship over small argument he wasn’t even angry he just calmly told me to move on. He felt like we were dragging our relationship.we were together for four years . I called him two times still i got the same response. I love him alot… is there any chances he will be back (?

  11. Daniel

    May 12, 2019 at 5:49 am

    Hi my girl friend broke up with me just a few days ago, during the process of me trying to apologize for the cause of our break up, she advised me to move on with my life that she has already met someone so i asked how long the New relationship has been going then she told me just a week ago she only met with the new guy yesterday for the second time… She told me she still love me, and she hasn’t been attracted to this yet but she just like listening to everything he says to her because those are the things she wanted to hear and i didn’t make efforts…. Pls i just want to know if i still have hope in getting her back because the truth is i really hurt her badly and it Was because i felt too comfortable, I realised i can’t live without her .so pls help

  12. Dana

    March 12, 2019 at 4:54 am

    Hi! Thank you for wonderful articles. So, uhm, me and my boyfriend broke up yesterday. It was the second one. The first one was on last December. We’ve been together for good 4 years, for me, I guess years are incredible. He broke up for a reason that he does not know what he wants in life, he’s confuse right now, we can’t meet half on privacy thing and he wants to be alone. I wholeheartedly respects his decision. I do! I just want to seek advice if is he going to come back again this time like what he did last December? I’ve been having lower hopes this time but, something in me tells me that he will. But I don’t want to expect. I do love him very much and so I respect his decision in the first place.

    1. Chris Seiter

      March 12, 2019 at 8:47 pm

      Hi Dana!

      Thanks for reading the articles! 4 years is a good amount of traction for a relationship and those roots you both put down could come into play in the future in unseen ways. It seems like you would both benefit from a period of No Contact. I cover this and much more in my flagship resource EBR Pro Program!

  13. Vanessa

    January 14, 2019 at 1:03 am

    Hi Chris

    Hope you are well.My ex broke up with me last June as after me asking multiple times over 2 years where this relationship is going and if I should move back to my home country for him..he came to the conclusion that he wants to be in a relationship but not ready or willing to commit to an engagement.

    We have been 7 years together the last 3 in long distance but we would meet every month..he kept complaining lately that he gets all the bad but not good from the relationship as we aren’t together.i offered to move two times with the promise that he will commit but his answer was move and we will live together find out rhythms and see then.i couldn’t leave the stability of my life for something so vague..

    Since the break up I have contacted him on a monthly basis initially he was kind of warm saying that he knows he messed up but he can’t drag me more and cause me more pain and if he feels that he made a mistake he will try get back with me..6 months after nothing..I dated two other guys still would like a miracle to happen and get back with him.

    In a few weeks I’m visiting my hometown and thinking to message him to see but I can’t ask once again to take me back..I’m in much pain as I lost the one I thought to be my best friend and it hurt me to see how comfortable he is without me in his life..

    Any advice?

    Thank you

    1. Chris Seiter

      January 14, 2019 at 3:58 am

      Time to focus on “you” and your recovery. There are some many ways to approach that. I talk about the Holy Trinity of Personal Recovery in my epic eBook, Exo Boyfriend Recovery Pro, so consider picking that up and developing your ex recovery strategy which I talk bout in detail

  14. Rose

    January 9, 2019 at 3:35 pm

    Please help me! Im at a loss with what to do with my ex! We broke up in November, we had a period of no contact and on new year he initiated contacted, even remembering im starting a course this month wishing me the best with it. We spoke on and off for a few days, on Saturday he came into the bar i work in and was watching me closely, closer than he did when we were together! His friend came with him and after a little time they called me over to their table it was mainly his friend enquiring on my life then he asked “hows your love life” my ex burst out laughing! I walked away and ignored them for the rest of the time they were there. I went out that evening and he was outside the club knowing i was inside, i didnt see him i was busy having fun but he told me he was thier yesterday! We were having jokes back and forth via messages and then he suddenly snapped saying “you dont always win, you didnt win our fight” then i said i didnt want to his happiness was more important and he has gone radio silent again. Am i just fighting a losing battle please help

    1. Chris Seiter

      January 10, 2019 at 1:51 am

      Hi Rose…I responded to this message you sent me in my support email!

  15. alli

    November 24, 2018 at 6:13 am

    my ex got married after falling pregnant with her bf. They got married a year ago and she keeps on telling me she’s unhappily married since day one. He is abusive emotionally and got physical twice. She left but her father asked her to move back as he dont want another “broken” marraige in the family. Now according to her she’s in the marraige for the wrong reasons but dont make an effort to get away from the abuse. We chat often via phone and i still care for her deeply and she told me she still have feelings for me too and know that i am right for her. Anyway i am just there for her if she needs someone to talk to and told her i dont want to break up her marriage though i once told her i want her back. I just decided to take a step back and let her sort out her own issues in her marriage. I would gladly take her back as i love her deeply but i wont be the cause of her marriage breaking down.
    Am i doing right by stepping way back knowing her situation in an “unhappy” marriage?


  16. Carmelle

    November 9, 2018 at 1:46 pm

    Hi, Chris! Almost 2 years have gone by since my exboyfriend and I had a huge misunderstanding, thus, we broke up. For the past 2 years I have made effort to forget about what happened and moved on with life. Tried casually dating other men but I realized I am still not ready for a new relationship. Recently I have come to realize that I haven’t made peace with my exboyfriend and even myself. Do you think it is still a good idea to reach out to him or I should just completely forget about him? I still have a few what-ifs about us. Sadly, neither one of us attempted to contact each other for almost 2 years. What can you advise? Thanks in advance!

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 10, 2018 at 2:09 am

      Hi Carmelle!

      Proud of you for making peace with yourself. That is the most important thing . I honestly don’t know the right answer for you about whether to move on completely or try one last effort. I personally would probably err on the side of risking a little pain and try to reach out to see if anything catches.

  17. Malinda

    November 7, 2018 at 8:04 pm

    My ex broke up with me four months ago. He immediately entered another relationship. I tried everything possible to get him back, even went through the crazy ex behaviors which was totally unlike me. He says he’s not happy in his new relationship but he’s content, says he still thinks about me every day and looks at my pictures on social media daily. He would only talk to me if I showed up at his house though. He didn’t respond to any contact over the phone or social media.
    I started the no contact rule about 14 days ago. He hasn’t reached out to me. He watches all of my Snapchat stories, still has all of our pictures on his Facebook page and creeps my Instagram. But he hasn’t contact me. I’ve started dating someone else now & I’ve posted pics of us on social media and I know he’s seen them. Still no contact from him. I’m so confused. Why does he creep me but refused to respond or have any contact whatsoever with me? What am I doing wrong? What should my next step be? HELP!

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 8, 2018 at 3:03 am

      Hi Malinda….its partly about staying the course with your ex recovery plan. No Contact needs time Guys are that way sometimes. But you are getting bites and that is good. You may not be doing anything wrong. Stay the course on your Snap stories…maybe some subtle jealousy.

  18. georgiana aanicai

    November 7, 2018 at 4:46 pm

    Hi there, my name is Georgiana and I’m drol Belgium. A week ago my boyfriend broke up with me, because he doesnt know what he wants. He asked for time, bit i didnt give that,i texted him much.i saw him yesterday and asked if he wants is back together, bit he didnt know. Then i asked him if he still loves me and he said that he Sees me more as a friend, but we where almost2 years togheter and i know when he means something and he didnt Mean it. I started today with no contact, bit i don’t know what i need you do.

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 8, 2018 at 3:06 am

      Hi Georgianna!

      I think NC will help. Pick up one of my lengthy eBooks to help you in your efforts so you fully understand how to implement your ex recovery plan.

  19. Tee

    November 7, 2018 at 6:16 am

    My ex left me and started dating a girl I knew for over a year as his school daughter. We did not have any issue before this beak up. It was so sudden that it left me really hurt. He keeps chatting me up once in a while to check up on me and still apologize for leaving. I am badly hurt and I still want him back. It’s like a burden in my heart because memories still pop up in my head and I shed tears. It happened this January. He is still with the girl he left me for. What can I do please?

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 8, 2018 at 3:15 am

      Hi Tee!

      Do you have an ex recovery plan? If not, take a look at my home page on the site as I have a lot of tools and resources that might help!

  20. Melissa

    November 7, 2018 at 1:24 am

    Hi Chris,
    My story started 3 months ago. He and I have known eachother for 23 years. We kept in touch here & there over the years. We started dating this summer. He was showering me with love and gifts and even talked moving in and marriage. Literally 3 days after another wonderful weekend together, he called it quits. Told me he had too much going on. He’s since blocked me on his phone and blocked then unblocked me on fb. He won’t talk to me and I feel like he’s gone forever but his final words to me were “ I’m not saying goodbye as we don’t know what will happen later on” it’s been over a month. Am I being foolish to think he’ll ever come back?

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 8, 2018 at 3:23 am

      Hi Melissa!

      No, I don’t think its foolish to have hope and put forth a sincere and sensible effort to win back your ex.

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