Are you familiar with what a crossroads is?

It’s essentially where you hit a fork in the road and are presented with two choices that will significantly impact your future,

In your case you are at a crossroads where you are asking yourself if you should fight for your ex and give up.

To level with you I never quite know exactly what to say in articles like this.

Where you are deciding on if you want to get your ex back or not.

I don’t know if I should teach you how to get your ex back and let you come to your own conclusion on if it’s something you want to try.

Or if I should just list out the reasons for why getting an ex back can be a good idea.

Today I’m going to be doing something unique. Instead of going with the flow of what I usually do I’m going to work backwards.

I’m going to operate under the assumption that you do want your ex back and show you the situations where trying to fight for your ex would be a bad idea.

4 Important Things To Keep In Mind Should You Decide To Fight For Your Ex

Time is our most valuable commodity.

It’s the one resource that once spent, you’ll never be able to get more of.

There’s nothing worse than wasting your time “fighting” for someone only to be blind to the fact that you never had a chance with them at all. I want you to avoid that situation so I’m going to show you the four most important things you need to keep in mind.

  1. The First Thing You Should Do Is Determine If You Have A Chance
  2. Familiarize Yourself With Situations That Have Low Chances Of Success
  3. Determine If You’ve Already Used Our Strategies Before
  4. The Self Fulfilling Wheel Theory

Some of these concepts may be new to you and some many not be.

Even in those old cliches I promise that I’m going to be peeling back layers you didn’t even know existed.

Let’s begin!

Thing #1: Determine If You Even Have A Chance

What does the U.S. constitution want us to believe?

All men are created equal?

They aren’t.

The founding fathers didn’t include women in their definition of “men.” Hell, they didn’t even think slaves were worth an entire person as they decided that they were worth 3/4ths of a person.

Seems like I’m getting off topic here but I promise that there is a method to my madness.

People want you to believe in equality.

But in most cases equality doesn’t exist.

This is especially true when it comes to breakups.

Not all breakups are created equal.

Someone who cheated on their ex isn’t going to have a better chance than someone who went through an average breakup.

The first thing I would do if I was you is determine what kind of chance you have of getting your ex back.

You’re wondering how you can do that, aren’t you?

Luckily, I’ve put together an entire quiz dedicated to answering this exact question for you,

Is There A Chance Your Ex Will Take You Back?
Take The Quiz

This quiz should only take you about two minutes to complete and is going to ask you questions about your situation.

It’s only through asking questions about your situation that we can determine where you fall on the “chances scale.”

Now, I do want to say that the quiz isn’t exact science.

The algorithm is made up of my personal experience working with clients and research based on reputable sources.

Thing #2: Familiarize Yourself With The Situations That Are Destined For Failure

For the last two months I’ve been writing a lot of content and doing a lot of coaching sessions with people.

You may have noticed that I’ve come up with a new theme in my content.

The Theme = Situations That Are Destined For Failure

I believe it’s important for you to familiarize yourself with the situations that are destined for failure so that you know if you are in one of these situations.

The first place I’d start is by recommending that you read this article.

That is an article I wrote last week about the top five signs that your ex probably isn’t going to be coming back.

Here’s a video if you learn better that way,

Essentially I theorize that there are five signs that you need to look out for if you are interested in making your ex come back.

If these five signs are present then they probably aren’t coming back.

  1. Your Ex Has Been Dating Someone New For Over Six Months
  2. You Can’t Get A Conversation Started At All
  3. Your Conversations Consistently Lack Substance
  4. Your Ex Is Getting Married
  5. It’s Been Longer Than Eight Months Since The Breakup

Now, there are actually quite a few more layers to peel back here but I’ve actually already peeled those layers back in the video and in the article. So, if you’re worried that you fall into one of the categories above make sure you take some time to read or watch the materials I recommended.

Let’s move on.

Thing #3: Determine That You Haven’t Used Our Strategies Before

A few days ago one of the people my wife was coaching asked a question about their situation that she wanted my take on.

After explaining the situation I determined that this clients problem was that their ex was wise to our strategies because the client had failed and used the same strategy over and over again.

Human beings are experts at recognizing patterns.

This is an important thing to remember because it can tell you the whole story of if your tactics will work on your ex.

Did you know that in high school I was a baseball player.

I was actually a pretty good one.

I say that not to be arrogant but it’s a fact.

I pitched a perfect game.

Whats more I pitched a perfect game by striking out every single batter I faced,

How did I do it?

Well, without even realizing it I learned that great pitchers confuse batters by ensuring there is no pattern to pick up on.

Consider for a moment a pitcher who pitches three pitches roughly in the same area of the strike zone,

This creates a pattern that the batter can pick up on and eventually take advantage of.

I learned that if you want to be a great pitcher you had to mix your pitches up in two ways.

  1. Location
  2. Speed

So, not only are you throwing pitches in different areas of the strike zone but you are also mixing in different speeds.

This throws batters off so much that they confuse themselves into swinging at balls that aren’t even strikes.

This is how I pitched a perfect game where I struck out every single batter.

I was never predictable.

Also, to add another layer of complexity to it I would completely do something different for when I’d face that same batter a second time.

I never let there be a discernible pattern.

This may seem like a strange analogy but it’s not.

My overall point is that if your ex can pick up on the strategies or tactics that you are using and “figure out” the pattern then the strategies and tactics aren’t going to be effective.

This is why failing at something like the no contact rule can have devastating consequences if you don’t change that behavior.

Thing #4: The Self Fulfilling Wheel Theory

Change is difficult to achieve in any facet of life.

Consider for a moment when your life changes. Is that change met with excitement and glee or anger and despair?

If you’re anything like me or my clients then it’s going to be met with anger and despair.

I’ve already established that as humans we love our patterns and so when those patterns get interrupted it can become annoying.

But what about change in the sense of relationships?

Albert Einstein claims that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

Is it insane to think that anything will change the second time around if you do get your ex back?

It’s actually not.

In fact, I’d say that around half of the clients that I’ve worked with who got their exes back end up breaking up again.

Why?

Well, it’s something I like to call the self fulfilling wheel theory.

Look at this graphic for a moment,

The main problem is that nothing changes from the first relationship to the second relationship.

Those insecurities or passive aggressive tendencies in you or your ex still exist.

What ends up happening is that history repeats itself for the same exact reasons it did before.

You’re essentially in a self fulfilling prophecy doomed to fail.

What’s worse is that as you make the third revolution in this wheel of horror the strategies that worked so well before aren’t quite as effective.

I’m telling you this not to scare you but to show you what needs to be done.

You have to get the wheel off of its track.

You have to ensure that the second time around your relationship with your ex avoids the same pitfalls as the first time around.

In order to do this you need to have a clear understanding of what cause the issues in your first relationship and work with your ex towards a goal of removing those obstacles.

10 thoughts on “Should I Fight For My Ex?”

  1. Alisha

    November 15, 2018 at 6:19 am

    Hello,
    I reached out to my ex and found out he is in a relationship. I am thinking its a rebound because he told me to add him back on social media and agrees to hang out. During one of our hangouts i asked him if he loves her and his initial reaction was no, then he said yes. He also told me he still cares for me. After our last hangout he told me he wants to be faithful to her and he took me out of snapchat. Im doing no contact right now and its been a month. During this nc period i see hes following other girls on Instagram, but he’s in a “relationship”. should i reach out or give him space and wait for him to? Do you think i still have a chance? His actions and words are so confusing.

  2. Laura

    November 14, 2018 at 11:53 am

    Hi Chris,

    My relationship just ended after 3 years we were looking for houses and a month ago we went on vacation. All of sudden my boyfriend broke it off, he is heartbroken about it, me also, but he told me he is lost. Before he met me he wanted to work in another country, wanted to start a company and do a study. After we started our relationship he lost those things and now he doesn’t know who he is anymore. He broke our relationship because he is not sure if he is going to change and he thinks it is not fair for me. Because I have my family and a career and he thinks I would not leave them behind. He doesn’t have those things, because he is in a job where he is unhappy and he doesn’t have a good bond with his parents. That was one of the reasons he wanted to go another country. He wants to figure out who he is and wants me to be happy. He also said he is a broken man and he wants to try to remember who he was before he lost those things and he thinks it works best without me. I told him to get help for his problems because he can’t do this by himself. I’m not sure what to do next, because I’m afraid if I do no contact its going to end badly, because he is in a bad place right now. It was so hard not to comfort him, because he kept on crying and he was so lost but I’m afraid it will break my heart more if I do it.

  3. Christiana

    November 14, 2018 at 2:22 am

    Hey Chris,

    My boyfriend and I broke up about a week ago and I could use your read on the situation. We had been together for 10 months, and for most of those, the relationship was WONDERFUL. The best word I can use is dreamy.

    Things began to deteriorate about ~3 months ago when my anxiety flared up (major life change) and he began struggling with an undiagnosed health condition that caused him to lose a great deal of weight. About 2 months ago, we moved into an apartment with two of his friends, which coincided with the beginning of the academic semester (he’s in college). This brought more stress — he dropped out of school the previous semester, so a lot of pressure was placed on him at this point in time, and the other roommates and I did not get along well.

    We began snapping at each other more. We were both chronically stressed and would come home after a long day just to start bickering. I began therapy to manage my anxiety, but it didn’t seem to matter to him. He broke up with me anyways, citing that he was overwhelmed and just couldn’t do it anymore. The way he handled it was so uncharacteristic of him, although perhaps that was because this was his first serious relationship and thus his first “real” breakup.

    He said there’s a possibility that we could reconcile, but he couldn’t promise anything more. I moved out as fast as I could (to my parent’s home an hour and a half away) and initiated NC. I love him and am absolutely convinced he’s my soulmate. What are my odds? I’m insecure and I’m afraid he’s just… over me.

    Thank you for your time.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 14, 2018 at 4:08 am

      Hi Christiana!

      I know all this is stressful, but you can find the right path for healing and seeking to be the best “you”, but for yourself. Yes, NC is a solid way forward, but read up on it….learn about my program so understand how to properly implement all the elements of NC to your advantage! You are going to get thru this.

  4. Laura van der Plas

    November 11, 2018 at 11:02 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My boyfriend broke off with me suddenly after three years. Like every couple we had some fights but we always made up. Suddenly he breaks up with me saying he sees no future with me. While we have talked about it recently, even when we would get old. So I do not understand where this is coming from. He is saying he is thinking about it for 6 months. About the time I started making my career and his job got bad. We are both working in the same field and I kept saying he has to change jobs, because he is really unhappy about his job now. Now we are both heartbroken about this and he wants to phone about it. He is saying he is the problem and want to explain it. How do I handle this?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 12, 2018 at 12:07 am

      Hi Laura!

      I know that’s got to be tough on you as 3 years is a good amount of time, but the positive is when you are with someone that long, there is some traction that can come into play later. Sometimes guys say stupid things, so time will tell where this is going. But you should have an ex recovery plan so you can heal and also work toward improving your chances. Check out my Home Page and tap into my books, videos, podcasts, articles for insights!

  5. Rae

    November 11, 2018 at 2:35 am

    I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago and within 3 days after the break up I was asking him to talk things out and try to make this work again. After many unanswered attempts and about 3 weeks he finally reached out and we had a short conversation which ended in him saying he thinks we just need a break. At that point I decided to leave him alone and let him have his break. I didn’t find this site until about a week after, but I guess I started no contact on my own without even knowing it. After two weeks of neither of us reaching out, he started looking at my Instagram stories but he doesn’t follow me. He watches every single one I post still (going on three weeks now), and I don’t post every day so he has to constantly be looking at my profile. I’ve been doing what I can to move on but seeing his name in my viewers list holds me back. Also, this relationship feels over and I know he said he wants a break but it feels like he’s just said that to string to along because he still hasn’t reached out. But at the same time we were already broken up, he could have just said he was happy with the way things were and didn’t have to mention just needing a break. I don’t know I’m confused any advice or insight would be helpful!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 11, 2018 at 3:25 am

      Hi Rae!

      Good job starting up NC on your own. You ought to pick up my 485 page eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” so you are up to speed on all of the post breakup actions you may want to take. I know it feels like everything is awful and over. But its not always the case.

  6. H

    November 9, 2018 at 9:12 pm

    Hi Chris.
    My situation is one of that very complicated because…almost two years have passed since the break-up. BUT during a year and a half we kept in touch, certain times I had to do NC but we always came to me, most of the time (after the first weird months after the break up) he was nice and flirty. We never met in person since before the break up (LDR).Last times we texted each other we told me things like he was thinking about me, that he was happy with us sharing our connection, he proposed to facetime…And before doing it he told me that it would be better to wait. And..we never talked again. I’m not explaining it all because this would be and endless post but for the last conversation, I couldn’t initiate, it has to be him. So I waited, he always ended up doing it (until now, we had never spent more than five weeks without talking), I kept being the best version of myself, trying to be the best UG… But he never texted again. It has been almost four months and the worst is that he didn’t text on my bday (even after the break up, our bdays were important and we always tried to do something special for the other, not a cold “happy bday, have fun” text). I can’t understand how he changed his mind so much. At the same time, certain things were happening which made me even a better UG, with elements which could make him jealous (and I wasn’t doing anything, but my popularity raised up even more). I try to keep going, I even recovered and old hobby (and just after that he started to do the same thing, if it weren’t impossible I would think that he’s doing it on purpose). But I miss him and I can’t understand how he went from being happy about me and giving little steps to stop texting “forever”. I don’t know what to do. I believe that it could be a chance for us but I don’t know what’s in his mind lately, he is even almost absent in social media (he barely posts). I don’t know if there is another girl, I don’t have reasons to think that but it’s always my fear. I don’t know what to do. I keep being the UG, I can’t text him (specially after him not texting for my bday) and I seem to be dead for him (but something strange: he unfriends from social media every person he’s not talking anymore, because his privacy is very important to him and he never unfriended me, even if he seems to have erased me completly).
    What can I do?
    Thank you a lot

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 10, 2018 at 2:02 am

      Hi H!

      There is a lot going on here. Proud of you for your efforts to be the UG! So much wish I had more time to reply. Do you have my 485 page eBook. It will do it more justice than I can here with limited time.

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