Why Am I Sad After I Broke Up With My Ex Boyfriend

192 thoughts on “I Broke It Off With Him Now I Miss Him”

Kiki

March 24, 2020 at 4:10 am

Thank you for this article, it provided me so much comfort and clarity.

It’s nearing 24 hours since I broke up with my boyfriend. I thought I had thought rationally about my decision to end the relationship – I took my time to write all my feelings down and went through point by point of all the reasons of why we weren’t making each other happy. I then slept on it and found that I still felt the same in the morning.

In a nutshell, I felt like for the last two months of the relationship I was never a priority. He spent every free moment with his friends where they would drink and smoke to excess. Earlier on in the relationship, he represented himself as someone who did not have these habits. In fact, he has little semblance to the person I first started dating. In the beginning he was attentive, warm and always keen to hang out. He explained that the drinking and smoking only resumed recently because it’s a bonding experience with the friends he has reconnected with. He assured me many times that this behaviour is temporary and things would go back to normal. But it did not, every weekend it was the same story.

I began feeling like his f-buddy because he would only ever want to hang out at night, sleep with me and then leave the next day to hang out with his friends again. He would even see his friends before meeting me and show up late smelling of smoke. I just felt disrespected and ultimately like I couldn’t trust him. He made so many promises, but I quickly realised they were just words.

I’ve tried to read over the manifesto I sent him to comfort and reassure myself that it was the right decision but all I can think of are the positive attributes he had – he was very caring, he was proud that I was his girlfriend and wanted me to meet his family. He was always patient, never angry and was never proud to apologise. I wander if I acted too rashly and was not patient enough to see whether he would follow through on his promises. Before I sent him my long rant, he was prepared to do things to improve the relationship but I feared it was just empty words. Constantly thinking about whether I made the right decision or not is driving me mad as I’m just thinking around in circles. I suppose it doesn’t help that I’m self quarantining with minimal work to do because of COVID-19. I wish someone would tell me if I was too harsh or if I’ve made a mistake.
WendyOm

March 24, 2020 at 1:06 am

I broke up with my boyfriend because I found out he lied to me. We had the perfect relationship. Great sex, loved each other so much, loved everything about each other. We were both head over heals in love. One night he said he was going to bed early. I got a gut feeling, drove by his house and his car was gone. I called him, took him 5 or 6 times to answer. He said he was helping his sister with her sick kids. I kept telling him to tell me the truth and to stop lying to me. He finally said he was at his friend Amy’s house. She was upset and needed someone to talk to. I have known about Amy and he tells me she has a lot of problems and feels like he’s her only friend. I told him it’s over. I called him the next day to get the whole truth. He said he’s been going to her house every once in awhile for a while. He says they are plutonic friends. I asked if they had sex and he swears they did not. I asked if they have ever had sex and he said yes over 10 years ago. I asked if he is attracted to her and he said no. They just hang out and drink and smoke and talk. That’s it. So basically he’s been telling me for months that he’s going to bed and goes over to her house about once a month.
We were madly in love and had the perfect relationship. I just know what he did was wrong. Especially lying to me like that. I’m heartbroken. I don’t want to date anybody else. We were so perfect together. It’s going to be hard to move on. I miss him so much!
Kelley

March 21, 2020 at 6:01 pm

I was with my ex for roughly 2 years. We broke up twice during that time. I did it both times. For half of it or we were long distance, causing me to have lots of doubts about our compatibility. He is a lot more introverted & not as open with his emotions. It was workable in person, but only having phone calls made it feel like I was missing a deep connection that he couldn’t give me at a distance. He loved me more than anything, wanted to marry me, but also said things like “You’re the best part about my life” & I realized from things he said that I had a lot more confidence & self assurance in who I was as a person than he did by far. I felt extremely torn. Here I had this guy who would move the world for me, & I kept going back & forth in my mind about whether or not I wanted to take that next step (him moving to be with me). When I ended it for good, he was crushed. Just knowing how he is, I knew he’d isolate himself from me immediately after. We broke up 7 months ago & there has not been a single call, text, or email since. Completely silent. I haven’t reached out because I don’t want to hurt him more. But lately, he’s all I can think about. I’m dreaming about him, thinking about what a life would be like with him, & just generally feeling like I let a guy go that loved me more than anyone ever has. The issue was that he didn’t love himself as much. I was it for him. & I felt that was dangerous & a lot of pressure. His emotional maturity was far below where I was at & it scared me. I have spent a lot of time alone in my 20’s, & he’s always been in a long relationship. It became hard to see it as a good idea when I could tell he was just not sure of himself as a person, but I don’t think he even realized that he needed to get to know himself more so he could be more independent. I can’t be the sole reason for someone’s happiness, & it really scared me. I’m very lonely lately so I know that’s contributing, but I don’t know what to do with these feelings anymore. He still lives 19 hours away from me. I initially just want him to be happy on his own. But now I’m not & I am having a hard time coping.
Hannah

March 20, 2020 at 6:43 pm

There are now two weeks since I left him, We dated for 6 months.
I left him because of the following;
-Different religions, he wants me to join him
-He is my OB and my neighbour which I have never liked.
I deleted his numbers, unfriended him on facebook and ignoring other social media connections I have with him.
Am missing him now and I dont want him back.
Am confused

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 20, 2020 at 8:26 pm

Hi Hannah, so not wanting to be with someone any more but missing them is actually really common. You spent your time with this person for some time so you need to remember that you are getting used to not having them in your life. This will pass with time, but as you are set on not wanting him back just stick with your NC and do not reach out to him.

Ileana

March 15, 2020 at 9:07 pm

I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago. We were together for 2 months. We were friends for a year before we got together. I found out that he smoked weed (he started when we lost contact for 2 months). I do not like weed at all. So I told him this and he told me that I don’t have to worry because he won’t do it around me. I thought that was enough but I was worried that he was going to get hurt or arrested (since it’s illegal). We talked about this and we never yelled nor got mad at each other. I asked him how often does he smoke it and he told me twice a week, to me it was worse than I thought. I tried to understand what it was he liked about it so much but he couldn’t explain it to me. I wasn’t upset just hurt because I knew what was coming. I told him that I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who smokes and he listened. I told him that I’m sorry because I didn’t want it to be this way. I told him that I wasn’t going to force him to do something he doesn’t want to. He respected my decision but I didn’t want to break up with him because I thought he was going to tell me that he would lessen his use of smoking weed and eventually quit. I thought he was the one. My friends and family told me that I did the right thing but I don’t feel like I did. I want him back in my life. I miss him so much. I keep thinking about all the great times I’ve had with him when we were friends and when we were dating. I don’t know what to do. He never abused me nor cheated nor lied. We hadn’t fought about anything. He treated me perfectly and he understood me in ways that my friends and family couldn’t. He was very gentle with me since I had an awful past and he understood. He never rushed me into anything I wasn’t ready for. I feel like I made a huge mistake. I haven’t contacted him nor has he contacted me. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 27, 2020 at 8:07 am

Hi Ileana, so the stance on drug use. That is each to their own. I am with you and see it as something that is a deal breaker in a relationship. So do not go back on your morals as this is not going to make you happy. He could choose to stop but clearly isn’t gong to do or he would have said so. Missing someone who you have had a friendship with and a short relationship with is totally normal but you will fee better as time passes.

Vicky

March 15, 2020 at 7:55 pm

I broke up with my ex-boyfriend a week ago. We were together for 2 months. We were friends for a year before we got together. I found out that he smoked weed and I do not like weed at all. So I told him this and he told me that I didn’t have to worry because he wasn’t going to do it around me. I thought that was enough but I kept worrying that he was going to harm himself or get arrested (since it’s illegal). We never fought about it, he would listen to me and we didn’t yell at each other. I decided to ask him how much did he smoke and he smoked twice a week. This is when i decided to break it off because it was a lot more than I thought. I told him that I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who smokes weed and be worrying if he is going to be alright all the time. I told him that I wasn’t going to force him to do something he doesn’t want to and told him that i’m sorry that it had to be this way. He completely respected my decision but I wanted him to tell me that he would lessen the use to eventually quit. I didn’t want to break up with him but I had to because my friends and family were saying that it was the right thing to do. However, it doesn’t feel like the right thing and I miss him so much. I still would want him in my life even as a friend. I haven’t contacted him nor has he contacted me. I don’t know if I made the right choice. He never abused me or cheated on me. He treated me perfectly and understood me in ways that not even my friends nor family do. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 23, 2020 at 11:57 pm

Hi Vicky, as he knows how you feel about the smoking weed and he has promised to lessen this to eventually quit. I suggest that you do not get back into a relationship with him UNTIL he has quit. As he is going to continue on the path of “smoking less” as he will have had you back by then. Stick to your boundaries

Amélie

March 11, 2020 at 4:34 pm

I broke up with my boyfriend coming up on 2 weeks now. We were together for 8 years. He is actually a very good guy. He’s charming, attractive, kind, he never cheated. The problem is, is that he has a gambling addiction. I was never a priority in our relationship. I spent most nights alone and I had to pay for pretty much anthything we wanted to do. I never felt like I had a partner I our relationship. There were other issues as well but I also wonder if someone out there will be better for me in the long run. My Ex promises he will stop playing poker but I don’t necessarily believe he can. 8 years is such a long time to be with someone then call it quits. I feel as though he is my best friend. Unfortunately I felt like a best friend in the relationship and not a girlfriend. I’m stuck now with wondering if I made a mistake. Should I give him more time to change or should I move on. I gave him 8 years to help me provide a future for us. It’s hard for me to think of putting more time into the relationship even though at times I felt as though he was perfect for me despite his flaws.
Onyx

March 8, 2020 at 6:45 am

I broke it up because I was angry with him, because he lied …three weeks in a row he ignored my calls on particular days because he was out and didn’t want me to know where he was, I am certain he wasn’t with another woman or even friends, but the fact that he ignored my calls, and then on the last time he did it, he then used an excuse that before even telling me what it was I knew what the excuse would be, and told him what his excuse is going to be …

He said let me explain… and I said: yes I know …you left your phone at work … and he replied yes ..trying to give me the full story … and I told him: even if you did leave your phone behind you know where I live and you know I have a door … especially when you knew I was waiting for you….

So, for the above reason, and also that I had few other Issues …I decided to break it up .. I thought maybe this time he will learn not to lie and we could talk about how to improve our relationship ..if the relationship was real and genuine.

But he never came back ….

I am certain though some of his friends have put certain input in that … since his friend’s wife from the beginning gave me the impression that she somehow didn’t want us to be together … not that she is interested in him … just something else … what exactly I am not too sure ..she just was there when the relationship was down advising me not to be with him ..or suggesting for me to be with certain other guys …

Now I miss him … I feel he didn’t love me truly, otherwise he would have returned, especially when he knows I broke it up with him because he lied …

I am also so confused ..feeling what if others telling him to stay away and wait for me to return ..but I would never go back because then it would defeat the purpose….
Chloe

March 3, 2020 at 1:44 pm

I dated my ex for about a year but broke it off yesterday. I broke it off because I was starting to get bored and I felt we were on different wavelengths as I go to uni and I work and I have ambitions, but he is currently unemployed and doesn’t really seem to want to get better. And for a while I tried to help him get better and I tried to entertain myself in the relationship but yesterday I just decided that if I was bored after a year that it was time to fall quits. I thought I would be fine about this but my heart really hurts and I all I want is to be comforted, but the only person that could comfort me is him. He was really upset when I broke it off as he didn’t realize I was unhappy in the relationship and watching him get upset broke my heart even more. I really don’t know what to do and how to fix my heart.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 7, 2020 at 9:50 am

Hey Chloe so when you ended the relationship for a long time you are still going to miss the person that you spent that time with, you cared for that person and you have to get used to missing them from your life. It is hard for both parties. Stick to No Contact as you do not want to get back with your ex. And then do things that are going to help you feel better, often exercise to get the endorphins working, until you find that you are feeling better one day

Jace

February 29, 2020 at 1:52 pm

Hy
So why I broke up with him:
– we gone to a club in another country and he let me go alone at the hotel. He was wasted and he wanted more to stay, drink and find some stuff to take
– some times I felt overwhelm because we spent to much time together and didn’t have time for me
– 2 times he said me some bad words to me, bad jokes about mom, some times in was filing useless bc of thing he said about me
– I felt that he is a material person some times and he is thinking that i am. But i know 100% that i.m not.
-i put under the question that some things he was doing it bc i was complaining about them and weren’t done from the button of his heart
-some times sex it was just for him to feel well. So some times it was good some times just the act
-i felt that he was pushing me away some times from how he was acting
– he didn’t understand what i wanted to Express or tell. It was like we were discussing different languages
-when he is focus on 1point he doesn’t understand the others points in a discussion or acts
-we stood together 2monts but almost every day together and he became wasted 4times.
-i don’t want a person that he doesn’t know he
S limits
-he used some stuff before meeting me and he wanted to try again. And I.m afraid that he.ll become addicted.
-i felt that many times he was selfish bc of his actions and he couldn’t see my point of view
-my friends are saying me that I did a good thing breaking up with him bc he wasn’t good for me and bc we weren’t thinking the same
Why I want him back:
-i miss him and the time with him. My heart hurts so bad some times that I.m crying
-i.m thinking that he.s bad behavior maybe he can quit it
– the first time we kissed I felt that he.s the one. Like me sole met the other half
-some of the hobbies were the same
-he presented me to his family and friends
-bc of the times that I felt that he cared about me
-he was opening to me
After we broke up he closed all the possibilities to reach him. I succeeded and tried to explain him like 3..4 times that I made a mistake and we should try again but he doesn’t want bc in his point of view I.m a material person and that we can.t understand each other. That we.ll be badder if we.ll try again. So what should I do? I still want him and he doesn’t.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 12, 2020 at 11:16 pm

Hey Jace, so from the sounds of things I would recommend that you move on unless he is willing to be sober and off all drugs. If he is not then the person you described above then he is not going to change any time soon as he clearly does not see an issue with his behavior and this is who he is

cynthia

February 20, 2020 at 12:58 pm

I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago. We had been dating for a little over a year; our relationship had its ups and downs, both very extreme. Early on in our relationship, I found out he was hitting on girls on Instagram by leaving flirty comments. He admitted he was wrong and that he only did it for attention, northing more, and we moved on. Another incident happened where I found out that he lied to me, saying he didn’t know the girl who was messaging him on snapchat. He later apologized and admitted he just didn’t want to stir the pot and give me a reason to be upset. He blocked the girl and we, again, moved on. Finally, I snoop around through his Instagram and find that he’s been sending heart eyes emojis to girls when they post selfies on their stories. He probably assumed I’d never find out because his actions were no longer public, like the comments were. Me and him met through Instagram, when he messaged me and commented on a photo. His actions made me think he was scouting his next mate. I just felt like my trust with him was too broken. I couldn’t go on questioning his every move, wondering if he was talking to girls behind my back. I was always transparent with him, always. I just had to break things off. It wasn’t healthy for me. He cried and begged for me to stay. He explained he’d delete social media if it meant healing our relationship and that no girl on there was worth throwing what we had away. I felt like it was all a little too late. Now, a few days later I miss him terribly. I see the hand-written cards from him on my desk and I just burst into tears. I want him back, and I know if I ran back to him, he’d take me back in a heartbeat. I am starting to question my reasons for leaving him. Thank you for reading and for any advice.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 27, 2020 at 9:51 pm

Hi Cynthia, so I understand why you ended the relationship and how you started to have trust issues as any normal person would! His behavior was unacceptable if you had voiced that you were not happy with it already. Ending the relationship more than likely was a shock to him as he assumed you would give him “another” chance. Even if he does delete social media. He should not want to message these girls if you are in a relationship. I advise that you take 30 days of No Contact before you speak with him again give him some time to feel the consequences of his actions! If after 30 days you still feel that you couldnt trust him it may be time to move on

SadSally

February 20, 2020 at 12:33 am

This article helped me to not cry my eyes out on the way home from work today. I was with my boyfriend for 7 months. Within that time he did nothing but love me unconditionally, hold me when I’m sad, make me laugh, and adore me. He’s the best man I’ve ever been with. But toward the last few months of our relationship I started having doubts and felt that spark fading. Our lifestyles are a bit different. We have none of the same days off, so the only full days we have ever gotten to spend together have been random days one of us may have off from our regular work schedule or holidays. Throughout our entire relationship, he came to my apartment a total of maybe 6 or 7 times? Granted, he has an entire apartment to himself which is nice, but it felt like I was always catering to him. He doesn’t have a car, and has expressed that he never has the desire to own one again. He bikes everywhere, which is admirable, but it bums me out that I would have to drive us everywhere. He is sober, and I am not. I’m happy for him that he is sober, as he has told me he struggled with addiction for many years, but it sucks that I could never just grab a drink with my boyfriend or invite him out to the bar with my friends (I feel extreme guilt for feeling this way, because I know being sober is the best choice for him). He has social anxiety and sometimes when we were in public he would get extremely upset/worked up and I would have to comfort him. He has a lot of dietary restrictions (by choice) so when we went out to eat it would almost always be his choice, and if it was my choice, he would often be disappointed in the food he got. I told him for months all I wanted was to eat some Italian food. He refused to ever go to an Italian place with me because he stays away from gluten and claimed there would be nothing he could eat there. Many of our days would be spent on his couch watching tv (another strict rule he has is no tv in the bedroom), and if we did go out it would be the same predictable thing every time. Lastly, I am in my mid 20s and I know I want kids some day, so I’m dating to find a life partner. We never spoke much about kids in the future, but I always knew he leaned toward not wanting them. I came to the realization that, this may not be the person I will be able to spend my life with, because we both want to live life so differently. So I broke up with him this past Monday (after he tried really hard to cook me a beautiful dinner for valentines day, but secretly I was disappointed we couldn’t go out to a nice restaurant and just enjoy each others company). He took it okay, although I know he is hurting, and he was not expecting it. I told him I need to take time to find myself again. But every morning when I wake up I cry, I feel myself getting teary eyed through my work day, I (with the exception of today) cry my entire drive home from work, and then cry myself to sleep before it all starts over again the next day. My heart feels broken and I just wish I could run into his arms and tell him I love him, but I know that would only confuse him (and maybe me) more. I’m afraid I may have let go of the best man I’ll ever know, even with all of our differences. I didn’t expect this to be so hard for me since I’ve been working up the guts to break it off for months. This has been our first full day of no contact. We have been really civil about it and he told me to “let him be” last night via text, so that’s what I’m doing. I just feel really conflicted and confused and I want the pain to stop.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 28, 2020 at 9:23 pm

Hi Sally so I think from your post that you loved this man but you really are two different people where the things that got you down and made you feel maybe resentful about him would eventually drive you apart. Even though he sounds like a good man and treated you well, he just didn’t sound like the one for you. Wanting children is a big life choice and if someone is set on not having them when another does want them in the future then it is something else to consider before you think about running back to someone who you may not have a future with regardless of how much it hurts now. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to go through the emotions of a break up but do not wallow. You know you did the right thing for you

Jess

February 2, 2020 at 11:04 pm

Last night i broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years. I mainly did it because I am only 21 and he was my first boyfriend, and I knew i wouldn’t want to live my life only ever being with one person. Our relationship was also unconventional as we were in two completely different friendship groups and didn’t really have much in common. He also was very awkward around my parents and he isn’t close with any of my family. However we never fight ever and i do love him. I had been thinking about ending it for a while and so over the last 6 months I have really been distancing myself from him as I thought this would make it easier. After ending it last night I now miss him so much and want nothing more than to go and see him. I know how much he loved me and wanted to be with me more than anything and i feel stupid to have thrown that away

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 7, 2020 at 9:11 pm

Hey Jess this is normal as you have spent 4 years with this person. You have probably spoken to them almost every day. Just because you miss him does not mean you want to get back with him. Stick to a NC and see how you feel about getting back with him in 30 days

Isabel

January 15, 2020 at 3:27 am

Hello, my ex is an ex-boyfriend from two years ago. Only dated for 3 months. First boyfriend. We broke up then because he wasn’t ready, he was flirting with other girls, and didn’t make time. This recent summer he told me he changed and he put a lot effort into me. . So I sort of gave him a chance. The reason I say that is because I didn’t make it official but still talking like we were. Slowly the effort began to decline, always said he was busy and tired. Most of it was long distance. For 7 months. I broke up with him on the phone for those reasons. I said I felt like our relationship was going nowhere, he agreed. I blocked him the next day because I said I needed space. And then I unblocked him to see how he was doing. Told him I blocked him to move on and haven’t heard from him since. Is the third time a charm. I miss him, and it’s only been two weeks.
Vanah

January 12, 2020 at 5:25 am

I dated this guy for 2 months. We were never official but we’re only seeing each other. We’ve been really honest and vulnerable with each other. About a month and a half in he told me he was struggling with still having feelings for his ex. I told him that I understood, that he needed to sit in it and figure out where it was coming from. If he wanted to get back with her. He said he didn’t know and that he thought she’d be hesitant to get back with him, they’ve been broken up for 7 months. I decided him and I should just be friends because I wanted to protect my heart. It didn’t last long and we were back to doing relationship things. I told him I couldn’t do it because he needed to figure his stuff out. So we both signed a contract stating we’d be just friends. That night he called me drunk telling me he loved me and that I was his. I told him I cared for him too. Fast forward a couple weeks, we’ve not been really texting or hanging out keeping up with our boundaries. We met up on New Years again drunk he told me I was his and kept telling me he loved me. He loved me so much I didn’t understand. I told him I loved him too. (I do love him, in the sense that I really care for him) Next morning we both didn’t bring it up. It’s been really hard for me to just be his friend because I do have feelings for him but idk what he wants and the mixed signals were getting to me so I broke it off. Basically told him I wasn’t strong enough and it was painful to receive mixed messages and painful to hear him tell me he loved me but show me otherwise in his sober actions. It’s been a week and he never replied to my break up text. Idk what to do but I miss him like crazy.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 17, 2020 at 8:17 pm

Hi Vanah, the best thing you can do is follow the program step by step and making sure you use the information to change your life for the better and do the things that need to be done to become the best version of yourself and then reach out to your ex using this program text suggestions

Lina

January 10, 2020 at 6:24 pm

Hi, I’ve been together with my boyfriend for 2 years, we were very happy and in love, he never lied or cheated on me, but I was very jealous anyway so the last months we got into fights about his friends, than we got into a big fight and we didn’t talk to each other per 8 days… it was the first time this happened then when we started to talk and go out again, I saw that I wasn’t the same anymore, I couldn’t love him the same, i was crying and havin a really bad time for 3-4 months, i wasn’t sure that I still love him, but he was there for me still, and he helped me get through it.. but now after i realized I can’t go on with him anymore, I broke up 2 weeks before even though it was really hard… now Im really sad, and missing him, but of course I can’t go back to him, cause I don’t want to hurt him again, im not sure about what I feel.. but I would do anything to have another chance with him. please tell me what should I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 17, 2020 at 6:49 pm

Hey Lina, so even though you feel that you dont love him and not sure if you wanted to be with him enough to end things. Missing him is a normal reaction you just have to be strong to not play games with his mind. If you do not want to be with him do not reach out, it is normal to miss someone who you spent time with, share memories with and had spent a lot of time talkign to someone to now not speaking to them at all is hard going. Stick with NO Contact until you know what you want

Ayvah McDonald

January 9, 2020 at 4:28 am

hi so i broke up with my boyfriend of 2 months going on 3 weeks ago (on our 2 month). the whole article describes what i’m going through: the missing, regret, worries, everything. i broke up with him because i was scared i didn’t love him and i didn’t want to hurt him. i didn’t feel a spark when he kissed me and i was thinking about other guys that don’t even matter to me anymore. nothing makes sense and i don’t know what or how i’m feeling and it sucks. i know it doesn’t feel good. he cried and is still going through it and i just want to make it better. i didn’t cry i just feel really bad about this whole thing. i don’t know if my reason was good enough or if i was overthinking it like i do everything. thank you for the article!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 11, 2020 at 5:41 am

Its great you found the article, and you now know where to come to help you deal with the break up and also make a decision if you miss him enough to want to go back. You ended things for a reason, so you need to look at that reason and decide if it is still valid today. Reaching out to your ex with a friendly text message would be a good idea at the end of your NC

Serena

January 2, 2020 at 6:55 am

Hello!

I recently broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago due to his constant lying. We dated for a little over a year but we had been in a long distant relationship due to our colleges being in separate states. His lying mainly pertained to his ex. They were together for 3 years and they are still friends till this day. They had a pretty bad breakup but decided to still be friends. Anyways, he would tell me one thing and the next thing I know, I see that they’re out hanging out in Aspen or at a NBA game. He said nothing intimate ever happened between them and I believe that as stupid as that may sound. He always had some reason for why he would hide the truth and it just made sense. They never posted about each other on social media which made me feel a bit better but I’m not sure. I ended things because it just got to the point of where I couldn’t handle the lies. When I confronted him this time he just left me on read. I miss him though and I don’t know what to do. Do I just move on because the lies may never end? Or do I wait the no contact rule and see if things change? And we talked about visiting each other next month but nothing was ever set in stone. I still want to be with him but I don’t know if it’s right. I did tell him I never wanted to speak to him again but it was out of anger, I would love some more advice please. Thank you so much.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 3, 2020 at 6:42 am

Hi Serena, so if you can not trust him and also have doubts about him being faithful then I would consider your options going forward if you can trust him and if he continues to lie to you. Sticking to your No Contact for a while and observe what actions he takes when he realises you are not reaching out to him after a few days and if he makes that effort to admit fault and promise to change etc. But you need to not break no contact until your 30 days is over

Kayla

December 29, 2019 at 12:41 am

I was with my boyfriend for 8 months. We both deeply loved each other and he was always so kind, caring and dedicated to me. I suffer from severe anxiety and sometimes he would think too much about trying to help me and became overly sensitive. I had a feeling he loved me more than I truly loved him. He was a bit of a loner having minimal friends, which was hard for me because I have a solid large group of friends. I almost get like I was being pitied at times for my anxiety. I ended up getting to a really low point in my mental health and during that time is when I broke up with him. After we broke up he never reached out until he spoke with my mom about how serious things really got with me. I felt like he still and maybe never would understand my mental health. He gives me mixed signals of constantly snap chatting me and then going completely off the grid for several days with no word from him. I still feel strongly about him now 5 months after breaking up with him. I just don’t want to try it again with me only wanting to end things again in the long run. Any advice?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 29, 2019 at 11:44 pm

Hey Kayla, so you need to work on yourself so that you reach a point where you are dealing with your anxiety better and also have a better emotional control so that you are not crying or reacting impulsively. At the end of your No Contact, which can be up to 45 days in your situation if you need it, you can reach out a happier more confident version of yourself

Olivia

December 28, 2019 at 10:54 pm

Hey, I just came across this article and found it greatly helpful! Here’s my story:

I met my ex on Hinge back in September. We’re both 21; I’m a recent college grad and he’s a senior at a college about twenty minutes away. After texting for a week, we met in person and had this instant, intense chemistry that absolutely blew my mind. The two of us began dating, and our relationship got serious pretty fast. Things got physical early on, which deepened but also complicated our connection.

For the first two weeks things between us were amazing. He was very sweet, cute, flirty, and kind to me. We spent weekdays apart given he’s a student and I’m have a full time job, so we mostly communicated through texting and Snapchat. He always told me how much he missed me, couldn’t stop thinking about me, and that he was excited to see me on the weekends. At the time I’d thought I had found the perfect guy: our relationship was a good example of opposites attract. We were very different from one another, but we balanced each other out (ex. I’m mature, he’s immature; he likes to go out, I like to stay in; I overthink my decisions whereas he’s impulsive, etc).

Three weeks into our relationship, though, things got rocky: my ex called me early one morning and broke up with me– it came out of the blue, and I was completely surprised and upset. For two days I was so confused, and then he reached out again, asking to meet me in person to further explain his reasoning. So we met in person, and he said that he’d made the break-up call following a 48-hour drinking session, which had caused him to have an anxiety attack. He asked me to give him another chance, and I did, because I believed that he wouldn’t hurt me like that again.

Things were good for two more weeks. In late November, he told me he loved me because I made him feel safe, and that seeing me felt like coming home. A few days later he invited me to go to a sports banquet with him. So we went, and had a great time. Afterwards, I went with him back to his school and we ended up going to a party with his roommates. I felt sick after about an hour and went to go lie down in his room. I’d expected him to stay with me, to keep me company, but instead he quickly poked his head in to check in, and continued to go drink with his roommates. He came back periodically to say hi, that he felt bad for ditching me, but continued to leave anyway to keep drinking. My ex ended up drinking non-stop for five hours. He only stopped because he had to vomit, and then he passed out. I’ve never felt so scared in my life. I’d just watched my (then) boyfriend get beyond drunk, and also go from being this considerate, sweet, gentle guy to someone very harsh and rude in a matter of hours. His personality had altered completely and it hit me then that my ex was a high functioning alcoholic.

I spent about three days after that debating whether or not to break up with him. On one hand I was extremely hurt and confused as to why that he’d ditched me days after telling me he loved me. I also was disappointed that I’d given him another chance and he already blew it. On the other hand I knew having a drinking problem was something beyond his control, and I wasn’t sure whether to see it as a reason to end our relationship. After talking to my family about it, they told me breaking up was the best option because it would keep me safe (incase he ever drove while drunk with me in the car), and it would prevent things from getting worse between us. And so I called him one night and broke up with him. I tried to make it as kind as possible, explaining that it wasn’t due to a lack of feelings for him, but because I wasn’t able to be in a relationship with someone who hurt themselves in that way.

Needless to say, my ex was quite angry with me for the breakup. Over the phone he accused me of doing this out of nowhere, that I should’ve said something sooner so we could have worked through things. And he also said that he loved me, and was scared of getting hurt. But in the end we broke up.

I wish I could say we followed the no contact rule for a long time. Instead, I think I lasted about 10 days before reaching out to him again. I knew it was a bad idea, but the guilt consuming my mind and heart was unbearable and in the moment I told myself hearing from him would make me feel better. Instead, I’d caught him in a bad moment, when he’d been drinking, so he lashed out at me and blamed me for being the reason our relationship didn’t last.

It’s been about a month since the breakup and my intense feelings of guilt have passed, but I still find myself missing him a lot. He didn’t treat me perfectly, but I do know that his feelings for me were real, and that he’s sorry for screwing up. It’s a very frustrating position to be in because I know I need some time and distance from him to heal from our emotionally stressful relationship, but I also hate knowing that I’m responsible for breaking someone’s heart. My ex is a complicated person: on the surface he appears to be this carefree kid who’s put together but on the inside I’ve seen how vulnerable he is, how alone and how broken he feels. One reason why I value our relationship so much is because I’m the only person he feels comfortable opening up to about his fears, and I’m flattered by that. I don’t want to lose him completely, because I know our relationship is special, though complicated.

As of now, my ex has reached out recently and has told me time apart has made him ready to be friends with me. I’m glad he’s told me this, but I’m being cautious and trying to be friendly with him but also distant because I know neither of us are over our feelings for one another yet. My family keeps telling me to block him everywhere, but they don’t really know him and understand how deep our emotional connection is– I guess I’m a little lost on how to proceed from here. I want my ex in my life, but not in a romantic way.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 4, 2020 at 10:09 pm

Hey there, so if you don’t want your ex back then you can be friends and just go slowly as you have feelings still you need to make sure you do not spend any time somewhere romantic or have an opportunity for a sexident of sorts

« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

192 thoughts on “I Broke It Off With Him Now I Miss Him”