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Nix
May 14, 2016 at 5:10 pm
I’m all about that expressing and open and honest convos however, my boyfriend isn’t it. In the span of our on and off 2 year relationship, it’s become a bad habit of ours to discuss issues by phone or in person literally for hours which he HATES. I think it became like this because we never get to an understanding immediately. Im not sure if this is related but I’ve seen this in other aspects of his life, I think I can say he is mentally weak. He cant take thinking too much, it puts too much stress on him and when it does he just lets go, stops caring about everything for a while. Now there are also a lot of things we thought of that might help us, like focusing on improving our communication, or me encouraging him to be more expressive as he has the tendency to keep it all in till he explodes and I get caught off guard, but he is SO stubborn as these words rarely become action, we dont get to apply our ideas as much in real life. And so I keep reminding him when we have relationship talks, which is A LOT of the time, and it sets him off once he senses that we’re about to have another relationship discussion no matter how quick or long it’s gonna be or how nicely and sweetly I say it. So the question is, how do I get to communicate healthily with my partner who is so tired, unwilling, and closed minded about having talks like these?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 7:54 am
Hi Nix,
so basically do you sound like nagging him?
Check this post out
The Correct Way To Talk To Your Ex Boyfriend
Kw
May 4, 2016 at 9:38 pm
Hi
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 12 years, we got together when we were 15. About a month or so ago he moved away for a new job and just come home at weekend, I noticed he had become distant and ask him what was goin on? He said he didn’t want to break up then an hour later he said he was leaving with no explination. I messaged him to ask why he said he didn’t want to be with me anymore and only loved me as a friend. I just can’t get my head around it, 2 weeks earlier he was asking me to move to where his new job was with him. Please help I love him so much and don’t want to throw away a 12 year relationship
Kw
May 15, 2016 at 10:56 pm
How do you go about the grass is greener situation? Do I have to just wait and hope for the best? He has started goin out every night since he moved away and he was never like that before he would rather stay in than go out. Not spoke to him since.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 19, 2016 at 8:11 am
improve yourself physically, emotionally and socially and be active in posting it social media, so when he sees it, it will increase the chance of him missing you because you’re having fun and enjoying your own life.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 8, 2016 at 2:32 am
Hi Kw,
I think it’s like a grass is greener case.. Maybe he wants to explore what’s more out there.. have you talked again? if not, start active no contact.
C.G.
April 18, 2016 at 8:59 am
Hey there chris :-)…honestly I thought I would never have this problem and I don’t even know why I’m on here now, I love my boyfriend and I know he loves me too. We’ve had our hiccups but I know we’re a strong couple for two years now, we’ve talked about marriage and children, living together you know the whole package :-)..but I’m scared I don’t know if its irrational because were in a long distance relationship and he’s in college so I could understand why I’m getting less texts and calls. We were fine about two weeks ago but now he never calls or texts me, and when he does message me its “hey why don’t you text me sometime?” Or “hey call me tomorrow, okay?” I call and I don’t get an answer instead I get a text message two hours later about random subject and the conversation we have is dry and ‘fake’, it just feels very distant. I’m mostly worried because he’s never acted this way and I’m unsure if I’ve done anything wrong…I sent him a text tonight asking if everything is okay and telling him how I’ve felt about our conversations lately and he didn’t respond…hopefully you have some insight. Thank you very much for your time.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 2:43 pm
Hi Cg,
yeah, he’s being cold..have you done the steps above?
Fay
April 9, 2016 at 7:49 pm
Hey!
I’m in a relationship with my boyfriend almost 4 years now. We’re both 19 years old and we really love each other! The previous Saturday, we met up and we were together almost all day, having fun, cooking together etc, etc. Later on, as he was tickling me and playing with me as we usually do, he said either we go downstairs so he can go home or he tickles me until I can’t take it anymore, and then laughed! So I said I’m not going down, and the tickling begun! We were playing when he suddenly stood up and said angrily that he got to go. Next day, he asked not to text because he wanted to calm down, and i respected it. On Monday I tried to communicate with him and he said he needed some time alone to think if he really wants to be with me. I was in such a panic when I received that message but I still respected it and we texted only a few times just to arrange our date on the weekend so we can discuss it. We’re going out tomorrow and I’m so afraid that he will break up with me and it’s the last thing I want. We really love each other and this situation is so awkward for us both because we didn’t argue for anything over the last weeks. In fact, we were having so much fun and we were laughing together. He said we are a family and that I’m the only person that can help him with everything and he’s happy with me! So how come all of a sudden he wants to break up with me? I do not want to deal with is and I so want to prevent it, and I hope I will. I’m so anxious about tomorrow night, but I hope I will make it, and that we’ll be as we were before and we’ll be texting and going out again having fun together!
Devin
April 13, 2016 at 10:02 pm
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years now we have a daughter who is a year. We don’t live together we both live with our parents but I stay the night with him sometimes. I’m 20and he’s 19
We are at a really rough spot in our relationship he got in a fight (non physical) with my step dad a year ago and he told me today that he dosent Like seeing me text or talk to him I’ve tried to explain to him that my step dad isn’t in our relationship and that my step dad hasn’t even talk to him in over a year yet my boyfriend continues to bring that up also the last few weeks have been rough it seems like he wants to fight about any little thing and he wants to break up over everything. unwanted to work through these things with him but he’s making it really hard and I’m at a standstill on what to do to save this relationship.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 14, 2016 at 10:01 am
Hi Devin,
don’t engage, just stay quiet.. if you can, talk to him first
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 10, 2016 at 9:46 am
Hi Fay,
I hope too.. keep calm and if he tries to argue, don’t’ engage.
Aurora
April 9, 2016 at 3:02 pm
Hi. My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 1/2 years, we were friends for 3. Everything was going great, we met each other’s family, we were working towards a future together. And then he broke up with me a three days ago.
We went to a party five days ago and I carried my two best friends with us (1 is a guy). I was checking out fellas with the other girl, and a few times I leaned on my best friend (Not hug or anything of that sort). And then I saw two of my longtime guy friends passing so I just talked to them for less than a minute and he got vex.
He told me right there, that he was vex that I didn’t introduce him. He told me he felt like he wasn’t important in my life. I apologized right there and told him it was not intentional. We still enjoyed ourselves and things was good when we came home. But the day after he messaged and told me he was still vex about it. I told him ok, i apologized already and there’s not much more I can do. And that’s when things got really bad. He told me he was fed up and I would never change, he told me about the other two things that happened. He told me that he didn’t know if he wanted the relationship again and broke up.
The thing is though, we both check out girls all the time and discuss it. I know I was wrong for not introducing him, and I admitted it and apologized. And with my bestfriend I didn’t know he would have a problem otherwise I would never do it. The difference between us is I’m very nonchalant about things like this, because I love him and trust him. But with me because I’m confident and outgoing a lot of guys like me, and since we were together my exe’s have all contacted me. He gets upset by that because he said they had their turn and blew it. But it’s not like I entertain them, when they come back I ignore them. But I can’t help it if they call or message me.
He loves me so much and has proved it so many times. But when he broke up it was like he switched into someone new, someone cold and heartless. And I love him so much. I was never in a real relationship before because I knew when I came into one, I was going in for the long run. I get mad at times with him, but I never broke up because I love him and I know its simple things compared to the relationship which is bigger. When he broke up, I tried telling him we could fight this and work it would. Talk about it. But he just said he was fed up. Before we hung up I asked him to just answer me yes or no if he loves me and he just said he was tired and needed to go. I love him so much, I really don’t want to lose him over things so petty.
I started the no contact yesterday. But he hasn’t contacted me since and I feel like his love for me and all his plans for our future just disappeared. I’m so worried that the break up is real and final and we really have no chance. I want him back because there is too much good in our relationship and the bad things are so small and meaningless. I’m afraid if he calls me and I ignore it for the no contact, he would think that I don’t care about him, get hurt and move on.
Aurora
April 10, 2016 at 6:33 pm
Hi
Thank you for your advice. He called and I answered. He said he wanted to apologized for hurting me and putting me through this. But he is still set on the breakup. He said that he’s tired of the same thing happening over and over. I told him we could talk it out and work on it. He said he just thinks he needs to be alone.
I love him so much. I know you hear it often. But it’s because I’ve met so many guys, but with him its different. I want a future with him. I don’t want it to end. From the little things he said here and there. I realized that it was the fact that so many guys keep coming in my life that hurts him. I normally don’t do anything. If they message I would reply that one time, then ignore it after. But now that I know what’s affecting him, I would ignore them completely. Because it’s not like I’m sacrificing close friends or family.
I just want him back. I want him to know how much I love him, that I would change anything I do that hurts him. I told him if he serious about the breakup don’t call, because it would give me false hope. I told him if he wants to work it out, if it’s even a little, call and we would talk it out. What should I do? I feel so helpless. I’m losing him and I can’t stop it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2016 at 11:34 am
Well, that means you have to do no contact..
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 10, 2016 at 5:20 am
HI Aurora,
I think he just acted irrationally.. let him cool off.. If he texts or calls answer it,, jUSt don’t initiate yet..
Jess
March 26, 2016 at 3:20 am
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend since we were 12 and now we are 19… Of course we have had our breaks and arguements. Well our first year of college I broke up with him (last year) for the first time. Which was a big mistake because although he took me back because i told him i regretted it… He actually changed a lot and became mean and not as emotional.. He use to confess his love all the time to me and cry to me all the time about how much he just loved me. . He is nothing like that anymore. Then that summer 2015 he broke up with me.. And after 3 months we finally got back together. But the problem is we never talked about our break up we just jumped back into our relationship. So then when college started again (we both go to community college together) he broke up with me AGAIN saying i would never change and im too controlling…. So I realized if i really want him i need to change myself.. Finally after 3 months of being broken up again.. We got back together and our relationship really was better from what i thought and he said i did change as in im nicer and no longer controlling. Well 2 weeks ago he found out he got accepted into a college 5 hours away.. Where literally half my friends go, so i was proud of him, but of course also scared that he would leave me and i kept nagging him everyday asking if he was going to leave me for other girls or cheat on me (which he would never do, but i let my mind take over). He kept saying no omg i love you i wouldnt do that to you. Well last saturday i was drunk and noticed hes been distant so while i was drunk i kept sending him text after text asking if he snap chats other girls and if he talks to other girls.. Which i know he doesnt. I was just being stupid and drunk. Which isnt an excuse at all. Well he got so mad that he just started reading my text and ignoring.. Then the next morning asked for space because i hurt him for not trusting him…. Sooo i did my best all week to not bother him. He said i was allowed to go to his baseball game so i went yesterday and watched him play. We are on spring break and he did not hangout with me once and he barely talked to me. Well stupid me being a typical worried girl friend i kept asking him if he was going to break up with me and he kept saying idk… So today i said to him “you know what just break up with me” and well i called him and he said “hes done and he cant take my bullshit anymore and that my words hurt him and that it hurts him thati dont trust him”. Well now im a complete mess and dont want to go through this pain anymore… He said he would see me tomorrow and we can talk face to face.. But i really dontwNt him to break up with me and i dont know how to prevent him from doing so, since he practically did it today. Please help. Because i love him so much and if i didnt.. I wouldnt be here lol 🙁
Jess
April 5, 2016 at 1:04 am
I am so in love with him I dont want to lose him. Please help me through this…
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 5, 2016 at 8:54 am
I know, it’s hard to love but a healthy way to be in it is to know that it has to be balanced relationship.. two complete people deciding to add each other in their lives.. And knowing when to walk away when needed. Focus on yourself and no contact for now
Jess
April 4, 2016 at 1:37 am
Things arent good.. He broke up with me and then that night went to a party with gis friends and already got a girls number and they snap chat and text… How could he do that to me after 8 yrs together.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 4, 2016 at 2:15 pm
then this time do no contact to heal and move on…if he really loves you, he would make an effort and not do this to you repeatedly
Jess
March 28, 2016 at 10:23 am
Yes, I have tried.. But usually crack.. Or sometimes he would text me.. I don’t understand.. He said he still is in love with me.. I don’t know why he is doing this 🙁 I don’t want to go through this again. This is the 3rd time and everytime he came back saying he realized he loves me and doesn’t want anyone, but me
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 2, 2016 at 2:40 pm
Sorry for the late reply Jess, How are things now?
Ashley
March 27, 2016 at 6:46 am
I have, but usually give in.. Im scared me not talking to him will make him move on easier
Jess
March 26, 2016 at 4:28 am
I have tried no contact… But i crack.. Its so hard not to talk to some one ive talked to lile every days for so many years 🙁
Jennifer Seiter
March 26, 2016 at 4:12 am
Have you ever done no contact with him?
Michelle
March 18, 2016 at 1:45 pm
Hi there!
My bf (24y) and I (23y) have been together for 6 months. We haven’t had any disagreements or quarrels. I met his parents just 2 weeks ago. All of a sudden, yesterday he said he has no more feelings for me anymore. Prior to this, he was still very sweet to me, saying he wanted to come by my place just to see me. I am very shocked. He claims that it’s because we have no similar interests and I said having similar values is more important than having similar interests. He then mentioned that he needed more time to think about it. I said okay, think about it and get back to me. Today, I found out that he blocked me on instagram (why would he do that for??). After seeing that childish act, I arranged to meet him on Sunday so that we can clear things up. I really don’t want to break up, what can I do? HELP 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 19, 2016 at 3:04 pm
Hi Michelle,
but be prepared if he does… somethings up.. try to be calm and listen to him so he would want to tell the truth
Haley
March 15, 2016 at 5:51 pm
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 months. Everything has been great and we have so much fun together doing anything between just relaxing or getting outside and go for a hike. Lately tho we’ve been fighting a lot, mostly in the mornings or late at night. Past few weeks have been getting worse and two days ago was maybe the worst fight we had ever had. Now he keeps telling me how he thinks we should focuse on ourselves more and that maybe we weren’t meant for each other. It breaks my heart because I know I love him, and he tells me he loves me, but I feel as tho he is honestly convinced that we should break up. I don’t want it to end and I want to try my hardest to keep him in my life. Please help.
Haley
March 21, 2016 at 9:00 am
I tried the steps and he stayed but now I have found out that here is another woman. Before me he was with this person for about a week and she had left him for her ex. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 months like I said but she seems to always text him saying how she wants him back. After our fight and after going through these steps to keep him in my life I found out that he had been talking to her saying that he liked her back and that he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do. I had also found out he hung out with her behind my back after work (we live about 45mins away from each other so I don’t see him on weekdays). I confronted him about this in a calm manner and he told me he wouldn’t talk to her again. I want to believe him but this isn’t the first problem we have had with this same girl. Please help. I am feeling so lost.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 21, 2016 at 12:00 pm
Observe him.. and then decide if you still want to continue the relationship if you don’t trust him anymore
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 16, 2016 at 2:21 pm
Hi Haley,
Have you tried the methods above? How did it go?
Vicky
March 12, 2016 at 4:12 pm
Hi, I’m dating a boy 3 years younger than me, i am 23 and he is 20. We have been dating almost 10 months, and of course we had our ups and downs but i didn’t see anything too bad to get the point to break up, 2 weeks ago he took me to a really romántic dinner, and walked un the rain together, 3 days ago he said he thinks we should break up bc i am doing a lot for the relationship and he’s not…i said to him we should speak face to face to try to fix it and not give up easily, he said ok, but he is like pushing away the time, always something happen and he is not able to come, “I still love you, but i dont know what i need now” is what he say to me, i’m being pacient and everythig, and i feel like his father has something to do with it bc he doesn’t like toó much the fact that i CAN’T find a work even if i am trying hard. I don’t know what to think or do anymore.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 13, 2016 at 4:30 am
Hi Vicky,
why not ask him calmy and in a way that you’re trying to understand him? Like, “I am not blaming you or anyone with this question, I just want to understand and get this off my chest too.. Is it because I can’t find a job?”
Ask one time only.. if he doesn’t answer.. that’s when you do no contact
Noname
March 11, 2016 at 8:35 pm
My boyfriend of 6 years told me he feels like we have nothing in common. We started dating when we were young, and for the past 4 years have been in a long distance relationship. When we are together things feel normal. But when we are apart, our communication with one another is low and I feel the distance between us. When he made the comment, we had not seen each other in a while. He stopped talked to me for the night, which isn’t all that unusual for him, but then in the middle of the night he said I think we should talk tomorrow but then never said anything the next day. Should I give him space, or should I try to get a hold of him since he was the one who said we should talk today? I feel like a breakup might be coming, but I really would like to work things out. What should I do?
Vicky
March 14, 2016 at 7:17 pm
I did it, and he said it’s not the reason, he said again he loves me but, he needs to be alone, and even if i talked to him with calm we ended up just breaking up, he said taking a time feels bad bc feels like using me, i said its not, we can just take some break and then talk again, but he seems like doesn’t want to, so I guess i can’t do anything else than wait, to him to come back or, to forget about him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 15, 2016 at 1:25 pm
Oh, that’s frustrating. If I were you, I’d focus on moving on because he’s not clear. You already made the effort to talk, he has to make the effort to make you feel important.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 12, 2016 at 1:00 pm
Hi,
Have you done Chris’ recommendations above? How did it go?
Me
March 9, 2016 at 7:09 pm
It’s Me again … Do these rules apply to when getting back with an ex? I read the articles about what to expect and I’ve been trying. It’s only been a couple of weeks since we officially got back together but he’s ridiculously distant, doesn’t tell me he loves me anymore and we used to end phone calls that way. When I asked why he doesn’t say it, he didn’t really answer me. Except to tell me
He never stopped loving me and he’s madly in love with me. Well. Actions are contrary. He doesn’t always respond to my texts – I make sure im not the one initiating texts or phone calls. The only time I’ve called him is after a missed call.
How do I have serious conversations like mentioned above when we are long distance ? I’ll be seeing him
For one day in two weeks and then we have a 2 week vacation planned in April so I can help him move (albeit closer, still states away)
Allison
March 12, 2016 at 1:57 pm
So I have recently found out that my boyfriend will break up with me on Monday through a friend and I am just broken. I do not want to lose him and after reading the statements as to why he wants to do it I am scared of how to cover every single problem in a serious conversation without causing the break up to happen. He has said that he thought he was being a bad boyfriend to me and didn’t want to put me though that or put me through his bs (is what he called it) though I want to be able to help him through any problem he has and if space is what he needs to solve that then I won’t meddle in his problems. He had also said that he thinks I should be single for a while since before him I had a previous two bfs with not a great amount of time between them and after the last one I waited about a week and got into another relationship with him now, but we have spoken about this at one point briefly and came to an understanding, and I don’t want him to think that I just jump from guy to guy cause I am not that type of person, it’s just that I did not see myself with that person anymore or at all in my future. But I actually saw him as being the one I could stay with for a long time (not trying to sound cliche). He also said that we both have nothing to talk about and that comment really stuck to me because I actually saw that problem be 50/50 and when I looked at it from my 50, I blame the fact that I over thought every little thing I did to him because I was nervous that if I did anything I would annoy him and cause him to lose me and I guess all my overthinking really came to bite me back in the butt because now that’s one of the reasons he wants to break up with me which is what I was most trying to prevent. I really do not want to lose him, I want us to be able to work things out together and be able to make our relationship stronger. I know he is normally a closed off person (which is what he told me when we first started to date, but he then said that he was going to stop that because “he wanted to treat me how I deserved to be treated”). I just hope that on Monday I can be able to talk him out of fully going through with that decision and let him really think this through and remember all the good times we had and can create. Please help me out here as soon as possible because it’s come to the point that I am crying so much throughout this weekend, just waiting for the dreadful day and would like to make that day be a positive one instead, by fixing what needs to be fixed to help us grow stronger. Also just to mention this just in case this helps with my problem this previous was going well with us still being pretty lovey dovey on mon., and tues., but when Wednesday came that’s when I noticed things were going a bit down hill, I just hope he hasn’t lost feelings for me and that breaking up does not have to be the solution to all of this.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 12, 2016 at 3:31 pm
Hi Allison,
nothing goes downhill by just a day, it may seem like it but mostly rash decisions are emotional decisions. And if he scheduled the breakup that means he thought long before that. The best thing you can do is be positive and not add to the drama in the remaining days.. To kind of influence him that he might be making a wrong decision.. Do not ask him about it.. and also try to do things that are fun.. If it gets to the point that he’s talking to you about it, be calm as you can. Do not speak while you’re angry, listen to him and if he really breaks up.. do no contact
Me
March 9, 2016 at 11:38 pm
He’s super frugal and doesn’t have a good phone. He also doesn’t have internet at his place to skype.
So what conversation can I have via phone?
I hear from him everyday but he often takes a full day to respond to stuff I send
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 10, 2016 at 11:08 pm
serious can mean going beyond what he did in the day… talking about stuff that matter or solving problems with each other.. talks with sense.. or just be honest with him wih what you feel in a non blaming way..if it really comes to nothing that means you have to rest from messaging him, even just for a day
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 9, 2016 at 10:00 pm
since you’re back together..yes it does apply… hoe about skype or Facetime? You can still do a serious with that…
Purple Rain
March 9, 2016 at 2:25 pm
Hi ERB team,
I bought the Exback PRO in August 2015. I wrote on the ‘how to keep your ex boyfriend’ post before. Not sure if you remember my situation.
So, i tried the methods listed on this post. I took him on a nice date (instead of him doing so), gave him his fav healthy snack (to show that i care) and I sincerely apologized for raising my voice during the argument. I mentioned that i really care about him, and that i would change and not yell anymore in any circumstances. His answer was “i dont know’.
Now we rarely talk or communicate. He would reply when i text him but would not initiate if i do not reach out to him first. He also does not ask how i’m doing lately or call or ask to hangout. Not sure what I should do now?
I also want to mention that he is quite an introvert.
Please Help !
Purple Rain
April 9, 2016 at 3:48 am
Hi there,
All the advise has been so useful for me! thank you so much..
We had dinner a week ago and it was good. We were both comfortable until he started addressing our situation. He said that he needs to think about it. When I asked if he still have feelings, he said yes! He has always been an honest person.
There has been some progression in texting each other and there has been some phone call conversations. However, his actions has not changed. I feel like he doesn’t miss me at all or wants to meet me.
What does it mean for him to still have feelings for me but not want to be together again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 3:08 pm
Hi Purple Rain,
but he went out with you, that means he wants to be with you, maybe you have to take it slow because maybe he wants to feel secure …let it happen naturally so he won’t feel pressured..
Purple Rain
March 20, 2016 at 6:14 pm
Hi,
He’s always into helping.. least that’s what I think. so I asked him for some guidance to get a licence and he did not reply. Then I waited a day and then text again if its ok to give him a call. No response. Its been another day. How long do I wait.. i think i’m really impatient.
Any advise? I think i’m not doing anything right? Help Please!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 21, 2016 at 8:28 am
wait for a week before trying again, if he still doesn’t reply that means he really doesn’t want to engage in any talk and you have to move on
Purple Rain
March 15, 2016 at 4:55 pm
Thank you for the advise and suggestion.
We have not contacted each other for 2 weeks now. What can I talk about on the phone or text him when i initiate? I dont really know how to create attraction over text/phone..
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 16, 2016 at 1:45 pm
Compile topics that you know he loves, think about the things he always talk about. Creating attraction starts with the physical but of course if it’s text/phone that means you have to be interesting to talk to. Think about you.. if you would somebody to talk to, how would that person be like to make you engaged in the convo?
Purple Rain
March 12, 2016 at 6:12 pm
Hi there,
After the argument, I told him that I want to make it up to him. And he agreed to have dinner/date with me.
We are not talking now because I am waiting for him to initiate. He does respond when i text him (after a day). But he does not initiating contact at all. If i do not text him he will not contact me… How do I not chase him, but also continue to text him, or continue to ask him out?
How can I influence him and not let him think that i’m chasing him? Would you suggest 21-day of NC?
Thanks for your help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 13, 2016 at 6:20 am
it’s better if you would establish rapport and attraction back again through text and calls first before proceeding to a date… if he doesn’t like texts bu engages in calls that’s okay as long as you build rapport and attraction..
But if he’s not responding that’s when you try to do a no contact again but if he is,since he’s also an intorvert, you would really have to keep talking first before proceeding to a date
Purple Rain
March 11, 2016 at 5:10 pm
Hi!
So we had an argument after being back together for 3 week. After the argument he became distant. We took some space to allow things to calm and a week after we talked. He mentioned that I was mean to him and that he does not know if he wants this relationship due to my behavior (had an open and honest talk).
This lead on to me apologizing and then me wanting to make it up – took him on a date (influence). I am trying to get him back by showing him how i can be sweet and that I care (influence).
After that, we still do not talk . He does not initiate contact or asks me out.
Thanks so much for your responds. I appreciate it!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 12, 2016 at 11:49 am
oh okay.. yeah, it was too early..of he’s not responding, it looks like he knows you’re chasing and making up..
do you not talk because he’s not responding or you’re waiting for him to initiate..
if he’s not responding, wait for a week before trying again
if you’re waiting for him to initiate..you can initiate a text and then take it slow.. don’t rush it
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 9, 2016 at 8:43 pm
Hi! I remember your name..
I just want ti make it clear.. You took him out on a date? I think you’re too fast or the order of things was not right..
You also appear to be chasing him by apologizing and saying yiu woukf change for him.. I’m not trying to attack I just have to be honest..so we can know what to work on..how many months have you been talking?
Qior
March 2, 2016 at 10:59 am
Hi, Chris,
I’ve notice how my boyfriend is about to break up with me. he started to stop chatting with me and distanving himself from me. but he still reply to me and always said he is going offline often, i tend to ignore it and he still kept replying. but whenever i asked why he is doing this, he kept answering that I’m much happier without him around. and when i asked if i ever do wrong, he kept saying he is the one at fault. i even asked him if he still love me but he answered that he doesn’t know. i even hugged him and asked how he felt and ge said nothing specaial. is it beyond hope?
erm.. what should i do now to fix this? really.. and i still have national exam in a month. btw, he is in the same class with me
thxx
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 2, 2016 at 4:51 pm
Hi Qior,
are you willing to do the methods above?
Lauren
February 22, 2016 at 10:18 pm
Hi! I definitely need some help. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years (just celebrated on Feb 15th) and he has been acting distant lately. He rarely says “i love you” anymore. All this started after I got super drunk a couple weeks ago and talked to him about marriage. He was not drunk and I think it really freaked him out. Honestly I don’t even need marriage, I just want him. He’s my best friend and literally everything to me. We moved to a different state, far away from home, and I barely know anyone here. We live together and have a dog together. We were looking at places to buy together and ultimately settled on this condo, closing date/moving date in April, but it’s in his name and he technically bought it. Now he’s rethinking us moving to the new place together… and I would be left with no place to live.
How can I help this situation? He says he’s not happy and doesn’t know about the future and all I want is just a chance to prove we’re meant to be. I need some advice, and quickly, before I lose him. ANY advice would be amazing!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 24, 2016 at 4:51 am
Hi Lauren,
First, I think this post can help you,
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming
Second, talk to him about that.. talk to him that there’s no rush.. and that he doesn’t need to worry for now.. And then have your own life.. Go out but don’t drink and party.. make it productive.. When you’re at home have fun.. Then spend time with friends..Balance out your time together and apart so he won’t feel suffocated
Sophie
February 16, 2016 at 10:13 pm
Hello,
So me (21) and my boyfriend (27 – though he’s a little immature for his age haha) have been together for almost two years. The past year I have noticed we weren’t as intimate and our relationship was a bit strained. I tried to talk about it several times to him, but it just came out as me attacking him because he struggles to voice his issues with me or feelings on the relationship.
I became more controlling and demanding and snappy because of it and I didn’t realize until a few days ago when I prodded another conversation about our issues, and he finally let loose his bottled up emotions. He wanted a time out in the relationship and possible break-up. I didn’t know what to think. All this time I’d tell him if something he did upset me and I’d ask him to be honest with me, now he is honest, but he left it so long that he’s now considering it a potential lost cause, rather than let me fix my attitude.
I spoke to him last night and gave him a letter that apologized and explained for the way I’ve been acting. He still said he needed to think about it. I felt so sick, I haven’t eaten anything except a peach in 48 hours. I guess I pushed him after he said that to give me a chance because after catching him lying one time that was about something really painful, I gave him a chance too. He said he’d give it a month, but he may still need to think about it when he has some sleep and gets a clear head.
I was just hoping to kind of get an experienced outside perspective of what’s going on.
Aside from maybe not showing his love in the same ways he did in the honeymoon period, he always treats me well and I love the person he is. He did mention that because of the past year, his feelings for me have decreased so he’s not on the same level as me.
Reading this did help me understand it a bit more, but I’d like some specific feedback on my situation if possible. I mean we live together, so I don’t know whether to give him space, or to show I’m there and support him. I just don’t know what he’s thinking and I really want to salvage what we have.
Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 17, 2016 at 2:11 pm
Hi Sophie,
so you still live together and no one moving out right?
Zara
February 7, 2016 at 12:25 pm
Hi,
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 months, however, were best friends for over 2 years.
My bf talked to his dad about me, and his dad didn’t agree to us due to cultural differences. My boyfriend has been seriously hurt since then and has been putting minimum effort in for the last 2 months. I’m normally the one messaging him, asking to meet up or go out together. I’ve reached a point where I can’t continue this anymore. Our last argument, he said he does love me, however, he wants to see me happy with someone else. He wants to keep that friendship we have too. But I don’t see myself with anyone else. I keep telling him I’m willing to fight for us to be together. But he just keeps saying we have no future, and it’s best if we stay together now and gradually reduce our feelings for eachother. I’ve told him to choose between if he can actually put the effort into the relationship, or break up with me completely.
However I do love him, more than myself. I want to make him realize that we are strong enough to fight.
I’ll be meeting him in a couple of days to find out the answer. But do u have any tips or advise for me regarding the situation?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2016 at 5:53 pm
Hi Zara,
How old is he?
Meow?
January 28, 2016 at 6:59 am
I don’t agree with the part “Your New Motto = INFLUENCE” because you can easily forget who you are as a person by wanting to please him so much. Sure, you won’t lose him… but he will only love this fake you. And then when the break up creeps up on you again, you wont even remember how you used to be happy without him, you won’t remember who you were… Don’t manipulate him to keep him now if you can’t keep that image of you forever. Think about it, he will be happy around you while YOU have to think of how to act and behave to make sure you never lose him. You won’t truly be happy, it’s exhausting and feels just as fake as it is…….. This is all about pleasing him, but you deserve the same from him. Have some self respect and love for yourself. Of course you should put a lot of effort into a relationship if you want it to work, but never lose sight of who you are. (If he loved that person before and doesn’t anymore, its time to move on. Don’t change for him!)
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 18, 2016 at 9:37 pm
Hi monic,
try having no contact at least 21 days and then talk to him about the status of your relationship in a calm way
Sri
January 12, 2016 at 1:31 am
Chris,1 day ago,my boyfriend wished me ‘good morning’ along with a ‘good morning’ message. Then couples of hour later he told he might not marry me in future cause he didn’t want to get married. So I should think if I want to continue the relationship. Though shocked, I said I was okay with it.I can stay with him even without such commitment but I can’t stay if he leaves me for someone else after some days. His response was ‘either you or no one in my life.But I know I’m a hopeless guy,if you can’t stay,I won’t stop you.’. I said again that I’d stay..if no other girl arrives .It is my one and only condition. If he can’t guarantee,I will leave. Then he said ‘okay then let’s break our relationship ‘. You know, I was completely shocked. I didn’t get yet why he did so. Can you help me please. I really need some advice.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 17, 2016 at 8:18 am
Hi Sri,
You asked if he can guarantee to agree with your condition, Do you think his reaction is an answer to your one and only condition?
Kacey
January 3, 2016 at 8:00 pm
Hi Chris,
Today- after a week of distant behaviour my BF finally broke his silence and said he feels we have fallen into a routine and that he can only see me as a good friend and not a lover (am still a size 2 and am attractive); he says he doesn’t want to waste my time.
He also told me he had turned down a job abroad 4 moths ago as he wanted to stay with me. He is someone who doesn’t lie or BS; and today was the first time in the 3 yrs we’re together that I see him cry. I know he loves me- but he is bored.
We have tickets to Italy to go to his friends wedding in 3 weeks. He said he doesn’t want to think about that now when I asked if he still wants me to go. What should I do to make him interested again? No contact? Lose weight?
Thanks a lot, Chris in advance for your expertise and advice.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 19, 2016 at 6:23 am
Hi Kacey,
Activities can help in rekindling a relationship. Find new activities to get together. Specially the ones who are fun and thrilling.
In the meantime, why don’t you read the things that you shouldn’t do for him to lose interest?
The Things That Women Do That Can Cause Boyfriends To Lose Interest In Them