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Emma
November 17, 2016 at 12:24 pm
Hi! Me and my boyfriend have been together for over two years now and I kinda fell he’s losing interest in me. I have no idea what I’ve done, but he told me he wants break up. I’ve tried calling and texting, he replies sometimes and doesnt sometimes. It’s been about a months since he told me he wants to break up with me . I begged for him to stay. He said he will. But the next day he wants to break up again. I have tried no contact, but I couldn’t last more than a day. We go to the same college, and he seems way happier than I am. I can see he cares (though he says he doesn’t) because after wanting to break up and his friends told him I’m not doing so well, he texted to find out how I am doing.
I know there are these courses online like yours on how to get your ex boyfriend back, but I can’t afford them. I just know I really really want him back. Is there any way I can? Please do take time and consider.
Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 18, 2016 at 1:48 pm
Hi Emma,
if he lost interest in you, what is your plan in getting him attracted again? Because for us, even if there’s no guarantee, the higher chance of that happening, is doing the no contact rule. In your case, it would be limited because you go to the same school. That means you would only talk to him if needed, no relationship, no feelings talk. If he approaches you, just be short and polite. Be focused in improving yourself and doing new things and making new friends..
Brii
November 12, 2016 at 10:16 am
Hi
Me and my bf have been dating for a couple months and I really feel deep in love with him but lately he has been acting strange, not showing affection, no hugs, no communication really and he don’t say I love u as often or wanna spend time with me.
He broke up with me yesterday which was very hard, it was so bad that I ended up in the e.r because of an anxiety attack. He broke up with me out of no we’re and I just don’t know how to express my feelings and tell him I don’t want him to give up on us!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 12:49 am
Hi Brii,
how are you now? I think it would be better if you go to therapy too to help you cope with this in the right way. How old are you both? So, you’re going out for two months, when did he start being cold, do you have a speculation why?
K
October 22, 2016 at 7:18 pm
Hi,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years, I love him so much and he says he loves me but 3 days ago he said he doesn’t know what he wants anymore or if he even wants to be with me.
What happened was I’d been staying at his flat for a year but I kept my flat as he wasn’t ready to move in. I accepted this but every time I went back for a night he would come with me as he didn’t want to be apart, saying ‘but we live together’. At the beginning of the relationship he got with someone else and I pushed him away and made him work for my forgiveness. I was a bit of a b**** to be honest and we argued for quite some time. He did however work for it and put his all into it but I feel I pushed him to much. And now he says that he doesn’t do anything romantic or show affection because he feels it’ll never be good enough and he can’t move past that, even though I forgave him and tell him how much I appreciate everything.
My flatmate told me earlier this month she had decided to move out and so I asked him if he wanted me to move in or not as I couldnt afford the rent on own. He said he said he needed time to think about it but understood that I needed to know soon. So after 3 days he said yes and had decided that I would be moving in.
Since then he has been distant and I thought it was because his family part own the flat and I found out they were telling him they didn’t think it was a good idea. So I spoke to him about his doubts in the morning and he told me it was decided and that I’d be moving in. But later that night he said he didn’t know if he wanted to be with me! Now I was shocked but I predicted this when I found out my flatmate was moving out. It was still hard to hear though.
He agreed not to end it rashly then and there but said I could have a week where we definitely are together and then after that he can’t promise anything. Every time I ask him he’s saying ‘you don’t know that I’m going to break up with you cause I love you and I might not’ but it’s torturous.
I love him and want to be with him and want to live with him but because of this interference and the past I can feel him slipping away and I don’t have much time. Please help!
K
October 24, 2016 at 9:54 am
The problem is he now says he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me at all so the whole moving in thing is a definite no. I’ve decided to go away for a few nights and leave him on his own. I’m not sure though whether he’ll love the space and not want me back or if this will work in getting him to want to stay with me. We had a lovely weekend and he was more affectionate and loving but he still let me walk out this morning when I said I was going 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 25, 2016 at 8:19 pm
that’s why it’s better to have a place of your own.. because that’s what he’d been wanting..
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 23, 2016 at 7:34 pm
Hi K,
it would be much better if you just get a place of your own.. that way you wouldnt have problem with him nor with his family..if he really wants you to move in, you already had.. if you dont have any other place for now, ask to move in temporarily while helping you find your own place…
Barb
October 21, 2016 at 8:01 pm
Hi
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 23, 2016 at 11:00 am
Hello Barb!
Selena
October 12, 2016 at 6:05 am
Dear Chris,
I’m going through an unusual break up. Myself and my partner have been dating almost a year. We are from 2 different ethnicities. We are in our early 30’s, independant and professionals with strong ties to our families. I never met anyone who I could open up to and he has said he has never met a girl who completes him like I do. We have always had very good communication about our insecurities, impact of past relationships etc… we always had a very caring relationship. He suggested he speak to his parents, as we both wanted to take the relationship into the next level and once he does, then I’d do the same. However, his parents had not even entertained the conversation and threaten to leave home, if he keeps the relationship with me, as I’m from a different ethnicity. In terms of family bg and financially, I come from a good comfortable family, and have haven’t had to go through hardships in life. Compared to myself, he had to study hard to get to the success he has now and his family are heavily dependent on him financially. He stressed the fact that, they are worried that me belonging to another ethnicity would stop his devotion to his family. He admitted that the farther is manipulative and does use his mother against him, by shouting at her I front of him, and blaming her that his decision to date him is because of her bad parenting from childhood. He feels an immense guilt towards me, as he said he can’t promise me a future with him, as this would split the family apart and even if he will be with me, the family will isolate me and treat me differently and he thinks I don’t deserve a future like that. Between him and I, we don’t have any fights other than few disagreements here and there, that we talk about and solve very amicably. He’s my best friend and we fall asleep every night on the phone like 2 teenagers. I love him dearly and it breaks my heart to let him go. He feels so bad that he’s offered to be with me and take it one day at a time but is encouraging me to slowly start talking and getting to know other people, to find another partner. I’m so heartbroken but I do understand he needs to move on too and I agreed to give it a go and speak to other people, as in potential bachelors introduced to me through my parents. Almost all these men happen to live in a different country, therefore my communication is limited to texting or calling. And as these men happened to be introduced through family, with marriage in mind for future, my boyfriend feels that I will not have to endure another heartbreak and will walk into a happy future, which is what he wishes for me. We still see each other and behave like a couple but he said we should stop being intimate, as it might make me get more attached to him and I might feel he’s around only to get into my pants without being able to be in a fully committed relationship with me. He’s not seeing anyone at the moment and he said he’s not intending to. Once I” sorted, he’ll take a break to concentrate on his career and then think of going into a relationship with someone, picked by his parents and get married.
I don’t know if there’s any hope in salvaging this bond, as his family is making him choose between them and me. He has said to me that he cannot turn his back on parents that raised him all his lives, though he disagrees with their way of thinking.
I’m trying to emotionally distance my self from him thinking, despite everything, had he really thought I was the one, he’d have put up a good fight for me. Also, as said above, our life has an expiry date. And if he thinks he can let me go, I guess I can’t fight this battle alone. Clearly even parents would at one point give in, if they see how happy their child is and seeing them have a good family life is what all parents wish upon their kids. Unless they are so selfish that they are concerened only about the luxuries they get from their son, but I find it hard to believe a parent can think that way…
How can I heal from this ongoing breakup? I can’t cut ties with him as I genuinely am in love with this guy. But I think I have no choice but to move on. I’m struggling to do that. Despite trying to keep my self busy or talking to friends, I grieve the loss everyday. I don’t know how to obtain closure. I have gone through breakups in the past due to cheating and incompatibility and I missed the companionship but I never shed a tear. I moved on with my life and handles them as a confident woman that all happens for the best and the earlier I broke up the better than being in an unhealthy relationship. Please guide me to be emotionally strong and accept this man will not be in my future and to stop feeling so weak and sad, I’ve never felt this hurt or felt so sad to loose someone.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 12, 2016 at 12:54 pm
Hi Selena,
I’m just curious. Let’s say you got married, can’t he just continue giving money to his family while you and him get your own place?
I think you should check this one too:
How To Get Over An Ex Boyfriend When You’re Still In Love With Him
J
October 6, 2016 at 11:50 pm
My boyfriend and I have been dating for seven years. Last year he bought an engagement ring, but still hasn’t proposed. Things have been great, just the best! Until he went back to school and made new friends. He started making less and less time for me. I’m so happy the he went back to school and that he’s been able to get involved, but I want to be a part of his life too! I think I’ve been pushing him too hard and been overbearing about all of this, causing him to distance himself and push away. Over the past few months I’ve been trying to be less controlling because I really do want us to be together! This has not seemed to help. We’ve been on a break for about a week now and it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done! He doesn’t initiate calls or texts. He answers phone calls but won’t text me back if I text him. I think it’s over and I have no idea what to do 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 9, 2016 at 4:12 pm
Hi J,
do you want to try what’s advised above?
S
October 1, 2016 at 7:01 am
I have been together with my bf for almost a year. After some times of constant fight I did ask him that he seems like he cared less and does he still love me anymore? At that moment he cried and say he does not know. He say he felt like part of him still love me and some part not. He say he was scared and he was trying to figure out if he was busy and tried at the moment with his study and work or if the feeling just died. He says he was afraid because most time we have together is very very good and he can imagine living with me. But he says that he felt like he is neglecting himself in a way because we spend time together so much.
We agree to try and to see each other less on that day.
Afterward we go out and we were drunk and I push him into an argument. I told him if he doesn’t love me anymore i think we better break and he cried so hard the whole night. I wake up and told him that I am sorry and that I actually want to really try it out to fix the relationship. He look into my eye and agree firmly that we will try.
We have been seeing each other less (not significantly but it is more like we negotiate time to be with each other. I ask to go to him and spend time when I want and he say yes, one time he says can I have some time alone and I accept that)
Aside from trying to influence him. I wonder
1. Will it be bad if I am the only person who text first? (Normally we text constantly and 50 %he text me first, no he isn’t texting me at all but if I text he answer nicely or say that he is working at the moment)
2. Will it be a bad idea to spend time with him, for example, i leave him be for a couple of day but suggest that we spend time together this weekend (he agree)
3. I was thinking that I should act the same (but give him space) but by “the same” is it bad if we still have sex? (The sex is still good btw)
4. I know that if this relationship will survive I will have to be patient and love myself too, and I do that. I am coping with not afraid of break up and try to initiate talk. But the problem is our relationship problem here (as far as i know) is that he says he does not feel anything + no butterflies anymore, he needs more time for himself (on the first argument he says he is not sure but on the second time it was like “i feel nothing and the feeling is less”
So my question here is that in my situation is it wise to keep addressing his feeling towards me?
5. We agree to meet and spend time together this weekend, in his or my room. After that do you suggest I try not to contact him first and ask to meet? Or actually in my situation what we should do is meet less + give each other time for ourself + act toward each other in the same way we used too (in our good moment)
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 3, 2016 at 6:22 pm
Hi S,
I think you get that you’re all for doing everything less.. but I don’t see anything in your comment that you’re going to put yourself first. Because if he lost interest with you, that means the desire was gone.
Try doing a limited contact, that means you won’t initiate contact for 3 weeks.. I think, since you already agreed to meet up this weekend, then you have to start count after that..
Limited because, unlike the normal no contact period, you can answer if he initiates, but you won’t initiate. Because you would be busy with yourself.. Start a new routine that you will continue after the 3 weeks limited contact.
Have your own life..The limited contact will help you have a higher chance of him missing you, because you’re not chasing anymore but also, it will make him wonder why you’re not chasing anymore.
Hillary
September 29, 2016 at 5:42 pm
My boyfriend and me have been dating 3 and a half years. Never really had problems and I thought everything was good. He knew of my past marriage that ended in divorce. And he loved my son when he was around. We decided to get engaged back in March. He always said he loved me and wed talk everyday until almost 2 weeks ago. I know hes been under a lot of stress from family issues, work and being in a wedding this weekend. We had a good talk about what we needed to work on and everything seemed like it was all good. But I havent really heard from him since. He doesnt call, text or come by my work like he did before. He hasn’t said he loves me either since that time. Said we should take a few weeks to thing about what we really want and that if we had to we’d take 2 more weeks if we had to after that. I asked if I should go ahead and get my stuff from his place and he said no.Said I could even come down to his place when he was at work I I wanted too. I still have my ring which I wear everyday. I have menmentally prepared myself for what could happen but I still keep over thinking everything im sure. I really do love him but I dont want him to keep on if I keep him from his life and mine.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 1, 2016 at 12:26 pm
Hi Hillary,
so you mean he ghosted you? He didn’t break up with you?
T
September 25, 2016 at 5:20 pm
Hi,
My boyfriend is currently living in NorCal and I’m currently in SoCal. We are doing distance and recently he’s been confused about life. He told me that he thought we were better as friends and I disagreed. After a day, i asked him for another chance and he said “okay fine”. To me, that sounded like he didn’t want to but did at the same time. He told me that he wont be able to give me his 100% right away and I’m like thats fine just as long as you try. We text good morning and good night but sometimes we don’t text in between the day because we’re busy. Im debating on whether or not i should go up there. He told me that he needs time to figure out what he wants. Its been a week now. I mentioned it to him about me coming up this week and he said he wants to see me but he’s not sure if he’s ready to see me. What do i do??
T
September 25, 2016 at 7:27 pm
Yes, but at the same time I feel like flying there could help cause I would physically be there. I feel like its going to be hard to find a way for him to honestly open up his feelings towards me because he doesn’t know what to feel
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 26, 2016 at 9:36 am
Well, you’re not broken up yet, so go ahead if that’s what you gut tells you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 25, 2016 at 7:18 pm
Hi T,
I’m glad you checked what I suggested! 🙂 I also meant that the advice above is what you should follow, do you want to try it?
020
September 12, 2016 at 1:31 pm
I am awfully sorry if this is too long to read. I am just desperate and as it is with any serious relationship – it is impossible to sum up 3 years in a short story.
We’ve been dating for more than 3 years. As any relationship, we have had a few ups and downs throughout the time spent together. We’ve been short-distanced for 3 years, living in different towns, talking on Skype almost every day, we used to meet once every 2 weeks before. He moved abroad half of a year ago, to a different country, and has his own room, he works almost every day. We decided it would be better for him to move, work, settle down, so we can move in together after a year when I graduate. These things were mutually discussed before and it was something we planned to do for the longest time.
From the very start he knew that I was dealing with eating disorders and an unhealthy view on food. He helped me love myself for who I was and my issues toned down for a while but as anyone who deals with EDs know that those things come crawling up after months, years. In the beginning of our relationship, my problems made it difficult to work with my feelings. I felt distant. Didn’t believe in love. Was scared of being left over someone else. all these negative thoughts made me question ”Do I really love him?” and after arguments I would say that maybe it was best if we weren’t together. He made me not leave.
About 3 years in he fell in this big hole of depression. It started with him overthinking things about his drunk father and his fear of becoming like him, to being called into mandatory military service, him knowing that his childhood is over and he will have to work for the rest of his life…. and it lead to him having suicidal thoughts. I feel like crap for being ”that person” – telling him that that is just how life is, we all have to deal with this, ”Life is not tea and sandwiches”. This always pushed him over the edge where he’d be crying in anger and desperation and I ended up trying to calm him down… Those were awful times. I had never dealt with anyone who had depression before… my own problems that often were unrecognized made it difficult for me to empathize.
After he moved abroad, he felt happy for a while. He got to work in a somewhat okay environment, he managed to get a nice room. He now has become acquainted with some of my acquaintances that live in the same town. Those acquaintances are a couple who have a pretty toxic relationship themselves. Whenever my Ex started to feel alone, he would cry and take it all out. I had to listen. I always wanted to encourage him to keep fighting. To call a suicide hotline. That he has to do something about his life. And when I came over to visit him (Once during last spring, once just 2 weeks ago), everything changed. He was happy. He kept telling me how happy he is to be with me. How happy he is to be done with some of the problems he faced back home.
Recently after I came home, I encouraged him to go to the gym with one of our acquaintances. He would be getting out there, spending time doing what he likes. I thought that maybe being out there would make him happier and he would have something to look forward to. Due to his busy schedule (8 hours of work, 2 hours of transport, ~9 hours of sleep) it adds up to maybe 3 hours of himself doing what he wants. I had school and sometimes it was difficult for us to spend time together because I come home late, he has to leave for his night shift…
I talked to a friend about how happy I am that she got in a new relationship, she was practically beaming. When she asked how it was for me… I was honest. I didn’t get to see my boyfriend as much, I was content that we live apart, it is something I am used to, but I couldn’t stand not being able to figure out what to talk about when he had just 3 hours to talk to each other. Yesterday we talked and he brought up something I said a week ago about my issues. I had said ”Candy is like the best part of my day” to exaggerate how I satisfy my cravings and how unhealthy my relationship with food is since I have been depriving myself of them every day. He gets heated and tells me: ”Candy is the best part of your day? What about me?” At this point, we were talking for roughly an hour a day every other day. I tell him: ”Don’t be so selfish…” and he just gets angry, and he starts to argue…
He tells me that it is over. That he has had enough. That he was happy being alone the past two weeks. That he wants to be selfish for once. I try to ask him if he is serious. I start to cry. He doesn’t. Without emotions he tells me that he wants to be alone. ”Do you still love me?” ”I don’t know.” A lot of back and forth, me begging him to not leave, to him give me a chance… ”I have made up my mind. I already gave you too many chances.”
I barely slept. I had nightmares. I haven’t eaten in 26 hours and I haven’t had anything to drink. I keep breaking out in sobs every 30 minutes. I tried to call him and talk to him, saying that I know that he is strong and has a lot to deal with but it is not worth throwing almost 4 years away. That we all make mistakes and say things based on our emotions. I know I wasn’t much help for his depression but I am willing to try over and over again. We don’t need to rush. ”You weren’t there for me at my worst.” He forgave me but does not believe that things I had done a more than 6 months ago out of frustration can change.
I have tried to be more empathetic. The past 2 weeks I wrote him often, giving him encouragements. Now he just says he wants to be alone. I begged him to just give it time, to give me time to reflect, for him to do his own thing, to not cut me out of his life completely… But he doesn’t seem to budge… He used to be clingy, always worried about me, always attached… 2 weeks later he has discovered that he doesn’t love me anymore. He just wants to focus his time on himself.
Is it worth believing that giving him time will make him think of this whole situation in a different light? Is it worth asking him to let me fix things? Is it worth trying when a 3.5 year relationship ends over 2 weeks of being distant? No man is an island, right? I keep telling him he can’t be isolated… he can’t be alone and face depression…
In short, my Ex Boyfriend struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. Didn’t get professional help. I was always meant to be there but I was not able to sympathize due to my own mental issues. We became distant for 2 weeks and he decided to break up with me and become isolated.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 14, 2016 at 12:14 pm
Hi O20,
take control of what you can and let go of the things that you cant.. you can only control yourself and influence others.. Heal yourself first.. He can handle his own.. and you have to let him do it too for him to grow.. If the relationship has been toxic because both of you are emotionally unfit to be in a relationship, then take care of yourself first before thinking about him.. I think you have a chance.. you just both need to fix yourselves first
baby
September 8, 2016 at 8:41 pm
Dear Chris,
I & my boyfriend knew in high school but lost contact after then & met again on social media but I noticed he was silent on social media until one day we coincidently met online and our friendship grew intense, then we started dating. As you said in your article, the beginning is loving, we have been dating now for a year & 5months. Actually he was in another city close by to me. We were really planning the big meeting that was when it all started.
I got a call from him saying his job is taking him to a much further city & I thought it was only for little while but he has been there till now and was now living with his cousin. When I knew attention had reduced, and we talked about it he said the work takes his time & that he leaves home early & come very late… I got so worried & made up my mind to go meet him over there but twice we planned the journey, at the die minute he brings up excuses not to make it possible. Then I planned a surprise visit to the town & I called him I was in town and Although sounded surprised and happy and planned meeting, the day came but his phone was unreachable through out and it came on the next day he gave funny excuse and similar episode happened the one month I stayed in that town and so we could not see. I was really confused and worried, I got into research to find out why he was silent on social media all those year & discovered he was into a seriously relationship but the lady died and it really affected him. I couldn’t talk with him the delicate issue on phone so I said to myself, maybe it’s this is reason he act this way. I was really confused and worried, I got into research to find out why he was silent on social media all those year & discovered he was into a seriously relationship but the lady died and it really affected him. I couldn’t talk with him about the delicate issue on phone so I said to myself, maybe it’s this is reason he is acting this way. I was really patient but the situation now resulted it was only Sundays we were able to really talk to each other. During the Xmas period, I got a call from him saying he is coming for the Xmas celebration (his parents live in the same city with me). So the day finally came & excuse came again his boss needed him urgently so he had to rush back . I was so hurt, I open up about the idea of his late gf & he told me he truly missed her & wish she come back but it’s not why we can’t see. That this always happen coincidentally all the time we plan to meet. He tried to make up by showing much attention but after a while he went back to hardly calling again. At last we agreed I was coming to the town again & we were going to see but not where he’s staying because his cousin’s place is too small, it would be a hotel. I hated the idea, but no other choice, the day came and we eventually saw.
Although we had nice time together but I brought up those excuses he gave then but he could not remember most of it. It took me one year for us to see, still hoping we should get closer but his communication still remains the same. He hardly call, am always the one reminding him by calling he will now cut and calls back. I really was worried because we can’t plan our life together this way. Again I got him to see me again in hotel as usual, we tried talking about it he blames the gap in communication due to network, work and time. I noticed any time I try to bring up an issue that will get him upset, he doesn’t like to talk about it, I noticed he doesn’t like argument or confrontation, so I tried toast be loving while talking about it and he always says I know I will change. The last time we were together, I asked him do you have plans for us he said yes but when inquire to know more, he said he want it as a surprise, I didn’t want to be pushy so I let go. After the first time, we met again 3 months later (I had to move to his city to be close) & till now we haven’t seen. I tried to know his people but he blocked every opportunity, I tried to bring him close to mine like family reunion and graduation, he gives excuse not to attend. The last incident that happened was i invited him for my niece baptism, he promised to come, a day before the baptism I called severally to remind he but he never picked or return my call so the next day I called again so he called me back and said he forgot while we were talking the phone went off but while it came on, I called but he didn’t return my calls. I was really sad and had to be a open to him on the way he has been treating this relationship. Sent him a text message saying ” Lately,d way u treat me gets worse daily,I go thru stress 2c u,u hardly ask afta me,4gets important tins dat concerns me&am alwys d1 dat reminds u 2even call me”. He didn’t reply me and I still tried calling but he didn’t pick. After some days I tried with another number and he picked, after talking I asked him if he wanted to breakup with me, he said we cannot talk about that now that he is just coming into his house & he was going to call me back.
It’s been days now and he is yet to call back, while reading your article, I said to myself even without him giving me much opportunities I still tried all the suggestions, it’s really hurting when he can’t even say his mind and I don’t know why he acts like this but not saying at all hurt more especially all we have been through. With luv, I have been less lucky even after putting in trust, love and sincerity, what do I do now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 10, 2016 at 8:33 am
Hi Baby
It’s so obvious that he’s not serious with you.. It’s been more than a year abd he didnt make one effort to see your family..
For me, if i were you, I would either break up or do 45 days of no contact to really gain clarity first, improve yourself and to increase the chances of him realizing what he’s doing
CMD
August 30, 2016 at 6:43 am
Hi,
My BF and I have been dating for 6 year now. Both of us are married by the the time we met each other. After a year of relationship with my BF I broke up with my husband and we continue the relationship with me being the mistress. After 4 years in the relationship he finally got caught and moved out of his house. We decided to leave together. After he moved out his wife started influencing the kids of not meeting him and it’s almost two years now. He loved his kids so much and really missed them. We tried all possible options for him to see the kids and still have me but it didn’t work. Now he really miss the kids and can’t live with the fact that he ruined the family and kids life just to have a better partner in life. He wants to break up with me and go back to his wife for the sake of the kids. Just to clear things up the wife and my BF now never tried to fix things up and never been in the last two years they have spent time together. I know it kills him not seeing the kids but I don’t think it’s fair for him to go back and live with a person he doesn’t love anymore. We’ve been dealing with this issues for few months now and I don’t know how will I let him go. Please help me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 12:37 pm
HI CMD,
how about getting legal rights to see the kids?
catie
July 24, 2016 at 8:59 am
Hey,
My boyfriend and I have been in love with each other for about 2 years but we only started dating 3 months ago (because we were in other relationships and didn’t actually admit our feelings toward each other) Long story short. We were totally happy in the beginning. He had even picked out baby names and he was doing all that cringe worthy new love stuff. Anyway, after a while things got rough but I knew that was to be expected I mean, what relationship isn’t hard? My friends were starting to notice his mistreatment towards me so they started giving me all this advice, saying he wasn’t worth the emotional abuse (he yells at me and pushes me), you deserve more and that I should just end it with him. It wasn’t just my friends that could see this, his friends and co workers (we work together) could tell our relationship was very one sided and they never failed to tell me. I was being told this and I still stayed. Because I love him. Well the other day I was sent a screen shot by one of his friends out of the blue (I’d never spoken to this guy before until then, he said with the picture I deserved to know). It was my bf texting him saying he had feelings for another girl but still “really liked catie” Well I spoke to him about it (not telling him I saw the message he sent his friend) and he lied right to my face. Saying I love you and only you blah blah blah. Then I got another screen shot from that same friend of my boyfriend saying he didn’t love me as much as he used to. Then that night (after I saw the message) he looked my in the eyes and said I love you. He lied AGAIN. I know this sounds like a toxic relationship but I adore him. I know he’s flawed but aren’t we all? I think he is going to break up with me tomorrow… and I have a panic attack every time I think about it. I want us to work. I really do. Is this relationship really worth saving?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 27, 2016 at 7:26 am
Hi Catie,
yes we are all flawed…but when somebody abused you, disrespects you, treats you less than you should be treated and you chose to stay, that’s not love anymore.
It means you’re not strong enough to be alone, and you don’t love and respect yourself so you seek it from others.. when the person that made you feel that at first changed, it will really be hard to accept because you hope for him to go back to the old him instead of realizing that he just actually showed his true colors… all people has flaws but doesn’t mean being abusive is a flaw that should just be accepted
Krys
June 26, 2016 at 1:57 am
My Boyfriend And I Have Known Each Other 5 Years. We Were Talking For Awhile Before We Finally Decided On Dating. However, Right Before We Started Dating, I Discovered He’d Slept With Another Girl Twice Just Weeks Before Us Officially Dating. We Were In The Talking Stage. In His Past, He Dated A Girl On And Off For 9 Years. He Was Obsessed With Her And Highschool And Always Wanted To Dated Her. When They Finally Dated, She Controlled Him And Everything About Him. He Never Saw His Friends Or His Own Twin Brother. He Kept Away From Relationships After This And Slept Around After And “Lived Life.” I Understand Where He Is Coming From. When We Officially Started Dating, I Hit An Extremely Rough Patch. I Lost My Job. My Child’s Father Kicked Me Out. I Grew Up In Fostercare So I Had No Family To Stay With. I Lived In My Car Which Was Almost Repossessed. He Helped Me With Everything From Getting My Second Job, To Watching My Son While I Worked, Bought My Son His Twin Bed, Would Cook, Clean And Everything. Although I Was Thankful, I Wasn’t Great At Demonstrating It. He Lived With Me For Four Months And Said Everything Was “Great.” About Two Weeks Ago, I Became Upset With Him. I Work A lot So, Days Off Don’t Come Easy, Especially Days When I Don’t Have My Son Which Was Both In This Case. I Had Grown So Accustumed To Be Treated Like A Princess And Him Doing Whatever I Wanted That I Acted Like An Ungrateful Brat And Threw A Fit Basically. I Broke Up With Him And Said He Didn’t Have His Priorities Straight. We Broke Up For Two Weeks. I Told Him All He Does Is Drink All Of The Time And That He Missed His Single Life Where It Was Constantly Drinking And Partying With His Single Friends And Random Girls. In That Two Week Period, His Friend’s Lease Expired And He Is Now Living With My Now Ex Boyfriend. His Friend Does Not Drive And Drinks To The Excess Every Night. He Is Responsible To Chaufeaur His Friend Around To And From Work And Wherever He Wants To Go. On My Ex Boyfriend’s Birthday, He Cried. I Asked My Ex Why He Was Crying And He Said No One Had Done Anything For His Birthday Aside From One Friend, Myself, And A Coworker Buying Him A Drink. He Somewhat Realizes His Friends Use Him In A Way, But Due To His Last Relationship, He is Scarred And Terrified To “Lose Himself” And “His Friends” Even If They Do Somewhat Use Him. We Talked And Agreed To Work On Things , But It Was Hard To Work On Things Because Ge Has To Babysit And Chaufeaur His Friends Around Constantly. We Never Had Time For One Another. It Felt Distant. We Were Always Together Everyday Up Until That Breakup. Then, Since His Friend Has Been Staying With Him I Don’t See Him. I Finally Texted Him Yesterday. In The Same Text He Said Things Weren’t The Same. He Repeatedly Tells Me I Should Have Just Come Over That Day. I Should Have. He Told Me He Didn’t Love Me Anymore. He Then Told Me He Cared Too Much Not To Love Me. But, I Can Tell I Have Hurt Him. He Is Sensitive And Guarded. I Finally Go Him To Let His Wall Down Just To Hurt Him The Sane away His Ex Did. I Text Him Tonight. I Said I Wanted To Speak Face To Face. If He Needed Time, I Agreed To Give It To Him. He Said He Would Like To Talk Face To Face And Figure This Out. He Said Ge Hadn’t Had The Time To Think About It. He Said He Didn’t Necessarily Want Soace And That He Was Not Doing Anything Or Talking To Anyone Else. He Says He Just Hasn’t Had A Moment To Himself Which Makes This Hard. He Agreed To Talk This Monday. I Would Like To Fix The Damge I Have Done And Start Iver Clean. What Do You Suggest? Please Help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 28, 2016 at 11:31 am
HI Krys,
are you in active no contact now?
M
June 24, 2016 at 6:10 am
Me and my boyfriend had our relationship for 6 years. We were not perfect, had some quarrels over flirting girls sometimes but we managed to communicate, to be supportive and together in everything. I never forced him for anything or the marriage irrespective of others questioning the delay of our marriage. But when I felt insecure I told him about it and he listened and arranged the wedding within an year. But recently we had an argument when he was busy with some friend’s wedding for few weeks and was unable to communicate with each other. Then I sensed insecurity about another flirting girl who was involved with his busy works (during his friend’s wedding). As he was busy and I was angry and afraid we couldn’t communicate about the matter. And I avoided him during these days thinking that he will feel that I am upset and give time for me. Then after his friend’s wedding we started an argument about him neglecting me and then he suddenly said that he’s breaking up and stop the wedding. And in the coming days he has started an affair with this new flirting girl and told me that he loves her and I was not the one he had in mind but her. But all his parents and friends are against his actions and they pity me. They started advising him to be back with me and that we are the matched couple. After two weeks of break up he talked to me recently and said we’ll go on as normal forgetting all the past. But he said that he need time to forget the other girl. First I agreed, but still I feel that he’s not like before and he’s thinking of her too. And then again he told me that we should stay as friends until I finish my Masters degree (in which I think he’s feeling that i will ruin my future and feeling guilty of doing something wrong to me if he break up now). I am really confused now what to do. I just reply to him with short answers mostly agreeing to whatever he say because I do not know what the future results will be like.
M
July 4, 2016 at 7:36 am
Yes I am prepared to start the NC from today. I even purchased the Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO for more support in deciding what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 4, 2016 at 10:10 pm
that’s good..don’t reply to him and be active in healing and improving yourself
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 28, 2016 at 7:34 am
HI M,
are you open to doing no contact?
Bella
June 22, 2016 at 12:01 am
My boyfriend recently told me he wanted to break up and that I wasn’t who he thought I was. Things have been rough between us because of stress and I would get upset with him often and he says he’s not happy. He told me he needed a few days to think about it and said he’d text me in a few days, but he never made it clear if we were together or not other than him saying it won’t work between us, we aren’t good for each other, he’s unhappy, etc. But he told me he loved me (without me saying it first) and that he just needs to figure out if being with me will make him happy or not. I’m not sure at this point if he’ll want to try to make things work or not
Melly
June 26, 2016 at 5:12 am
Bella. I am having the same situation. You’re not alone in this. We each face our battles.
Bella
June 22, 2016 at 12:56 pm
I’m willing to try Chris’s advice, but am uncertain if my bf is gonna come back after his time and tell me his mind is 100% made up, so I don’t know if I’ll have the opportunity to follow the guide
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 27, 2016 at 7:25 am
Well, we never guarantee it will work 100%. It can help increase your chance but it will not guarantee him back to you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 22, 2016 at 9:36 am
HI Bella
are you going to try what Chris advised above?
Anon
June 17, 2016 at 4:36 am
Hello,
I was hoping to get some advice on my current situation. My bf and I have been dating for a little over 3 years. We are both 21, and we started dating our senior year of high school. We are about to enter our senior year of college. Our colleges are about 1.5 hours away from one another (driving). This past April, he left to study abroad for 12 weeks. Every thing was perfect, our relationship was great, and we were so in love still. Nothing was different. Then, all of a sudden, he tells me he needs to “think” about his life. After 5 days of no communication, he calls me telling me he thinks we need to take a break. He comes back next week and I am going to see him. Right now, he has every intention of us breaking up when we do see each other. What do I do? How could he have made this decision when we hadn’t seen each other in months? I was so blindsided and hurt. I don’t think he cheated on me either. I know he wouldn’t do that. But I still love him so much and I really don’t want to break up. Thoughts?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 18, 2016 at 3:41 pm
Hi Anon,
if you’re sure there wasn’t another woman, then it can mean the distance made the relationship borung for him? or he has plans going back abroad
Lia
May 31, 2016 at 6:31 pm
Hi There,
I could really use some help with my current situation. My boyfriend and I have been together for five months. During the majority of the relationship, things have been wonderful and this has honestly been the healthiest, most respectful relationship I have ever been in. I’ve met his family and friends, he has met mine, etc. However, for the past few weeks, something has felt off. Reading this article, I would say the two biggest problems that apply to us were the emotional decline and lack of communication. Even though we continued to see each other and talk most every day, when we were together the past few weeks, the relationship dynamic felt like more of a friendship. Fast forward to a few days ago, when my boyfriend finally told me that he has felt more of a friendship towards me the past few weeks and he is struggling with it because he doesn’t know why he has those feelings when I am everything he has been looking for. After having a two hour open and honest conversation about how we both have been feeling, he still could not decide if we should end things or try to work things out together and try to get the romance back in our relationship. I believe we should work on things as the past few weeks have been crazy with each of us having been sick, and me traveling out of state twice. I just feel like we both didn’t address the way were feeling and we both disconnected. However, our two hour talk felt to me like we could move up from there and get back on track.
He basically told me that he thinks he needs a few days to sort through his thoughts and feelings before he can make a decision either way. So while we haven’t officially broken up, it is obviously a very real possibility. Do you have any advice for a situation like this?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 1, 2016 at 12:50 am
Hi Lia,
so you really weren’t together always and yet the spark is gone. I think it’s because the honeymoon period is ending. Do you want to try the prevention methods suggested above?
Lauren
May 26, 2016 at 9:14 pm
Bf and I’ve been dating 5 months now. He’s pretty private, an over thinker, who analyises things before doing them. This has made him successful in life…but not personally. He tends to over think relationships to suit his needs… recently we had a phone Convo, where he mentioned a girl applying for a position at his workplace, but not division. Its also not the first time hes spoken about her. part of their recruitment is to get to know them personally. Heres the thing…i never distrusted him, nor questioned him about his work. He travels often and ive always maintained that i trust him…blindly perhaps. So during this phone call he mentions that this girl admitted to finding more info on her future work colleagues via social media. He has none of these (remember, hes pretty private) so jokingly i told him, shes clearly trying to dig in his social activities, which we agreed. We were always open about these things. He’s an attractive guy, but doesnt act on advances. He says that i am enough for him…but at tue end of our convo, i merely asked if i should be concerned about anything, and when he said no, im being silly, i took it as that and carried on. Slowly as the week carried on, i noticed him distancing himself. Fewer responses to texts, no calls, no answering of my calls or returning them. A week went by when he eventually called, said he missed me, and loved me, and i thought all was well…then another few days of no contact. Ive read and learnt enough not to demand attention, that pushes men away. When he eventually called back, he admitted that he wasnt mad that i got jealous, but wasnt sure how to deal with my inecurity. He had come from a relationship where hes ex would hound on his every move, and stop him from seeing friends. Not once did i…i valued his independent spirit, as it grew mine. He said he wasnt sure if he can see somebody that is insecure about him, and herself. I assured him that it was a slight moment of insecurity, that i wasnt hes ex (which he agreed) and never questioned our relationship, and whether it was solid. But it seems he has. Perhaps he expected me to go insane, and blame him for his ignoring me, and need for space, but i didnt, i want us to take the relationship far, and it involves conscience effort. After that, i ended the convo asking him “what now?” After a long pause..all he said was, “i’ll call you back” and as i had expected, he hasnt. Part of me is hoping that him not snswering immediately saying i want to end things is a good thing. Another part is thinking hes too scared to hurt me, so would rather fade away. And yet, THAT hurts me more. I love this guy..and dont want to lose him, hence why im here. But i dont want to be blind sided. im a mess because of the uncertainty of it all. What do I do??
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 30, 2016 at 3:02 am
Hi Lauren,
so far you’re doing great.. actually, he’s even the one who has a bigger insecurity if he’s like that.. it’s ok of you asked one time but to relate it immediately to his older relationships and then ignore you is immature.. keep calm and be busy on your own activities.. I think you’re right that he’s waiting to see if you would hound him once he ignores you so you did the right thing
Charlotte
May 23, 2016 at 11:53 pm
Dear Chris,
I have been with my bf for two years. We lived together and everything was going well until he left 3 months ago to experience monastery life, he always wanted to do this even before we met each other. The first month that he is there, we talked everyday and things were great between us. When the second month approached, I could sense the distance. In the beginning I asked if everything was OK. He said yeah he is just tired etc. Few days later, he told me he wanted to break up with me. He said we don’t want the same things, marriage kids etc. And he said he never loved me. Which is so hard to believe. Anyways I gave him time to think harder of his decision. A week later he said he was still not sure. So I told him I think it’s better we take a break. We are on a break now, it has been a month that there is no Nc. He texted me just to know how am i doing. I took my time to reply. And after that, No reply from his side. Maybe he is angry i took my time. Anyways it is just hanging right Now And i hope he Will take a décision soon. I dont know what to do. Cheers, C
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 27, 2016 at 3:14 am
Hi Charlotte,
did you improve yourself during that month that you didn’t talk?