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391 thoughts on “How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming”

  1. Avatar

    Rose

    April 20, 2019 at 7:11 pm

    My boyfriend and I are pretty young. I’m 20 and he’s 18. We have been together almost a year. In the beginning it was really great and loving and he always showed me affection. I moved in with him at his fathers house after about 2 months of dating because we both couldn’t stand being away from each other. We’ve had our fights, about dumb things like me being annoying, or him misunderstanding me when I communicate, we even broken up for a couple days and have taken breaks every now and then when I go back to my house for a few days when we argue so we can cool off. Since our last break in the beginning of March I have com back and we’ve been okay but different. We don’t fight as much, or at least when we do it gets resolved before it escalates. He’s starting to be more affectionate and tells me he appreciates me and doesn’t want to lose me. However, he has very bad anger problems and sometimes problems so small turn massive. He will say mean things sometimes like he wants me to leave or he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me just because he is angry in the moment and I do it too so I’m not all innocent. Yesterday we fought about something so trivial but it got blown out of proportion and I came home and he was still saying he loved me but when I asked if we were breaking up he just said he didn’t know. Today he calls me and is upset with me because I told his step mom some of the details of our fight because I thought we were breaking up and I wanted someone to hear my side instead of just his. He told me he can’t stand me and he can’t deal with me and that I’m single now and for me not to keep calling and texting him because it will push him away farther. I haven’t texted since then to try and give him a little space and time to cool down.I know we are both young but the love was genuine and I want to know steps I can take to change his mind.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 20, 2019 at 11:02 pm

      HI Rose!

      Giving each other space can be the right recipe. Take a look at my massive eBook, “EBR PRO” as it can help you with this whole process!

  2. Avatar

    Danielle

    February 10, 2019 at 5:18 pm

    My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for over a year. Overall, we’ve had a happy relationship. He moved across the continent to be closer to me (but still long distance), we’ve met each others families and up until last week we’ve been talking about engagement rings. He has a very demanding job that leaves him exhausted and because he is living on his own he tends to like to unwind by watching shows and playing video games. Naturally, because of the stress of his job we still talk everyday but a lot less than we used to. This started making me feel extremely insecure because I noticed that even when we did talk he was a little disengaged/distant. I started taking it so personally asking him if he was losing interest in me. He insisted it wasn’t and told me he was just exhausted from work and in a rut since he lived in such a small, secluded area with no friends. We’ve been going through a rough month and a half where I’ve been letting these insecurities get to me so naturally I’ve bring them up to him (big mistake). At the beginning of this month and a half (mid-December) he went back to his hometown to visit friends and family and I noticed that we barely talked. A big part of it was also because I was traveling and there was a 10 hour time distance between us. I brought it up that I felt like he was being short and he got upset and said that we were both busy, there’s a massive time difference so it’s difficult for us to have real conversations and that he hadn’t seen his family and friends in forever so they were a priority. What he was saying made sense but I was feeling so bothered by the fact that we had barely had a conversation in about 2 weeks. At the beginning of January I went to visit him and at that point I was extremely insecure and in my head and I let him fully see it. He was extremely comforting and apologetic, telling me it wasn’t about me but he had a lot on his mind, he was exhausted from work and in a rut since he lives in a secluded area with no friends. I kept letting these insecurities get to me to where after two weeks he stopped being comforting and snapped saying that he was fed up of having to reassure me when I wasn’t trusting what he said. We argued about it and he told me he can’t keep doing this if I’m going to keep giving him such a hard time for anything. Eventually he said if I think we can make it work then let’s do it. I saw him a few days later and we had an amazing weekend. The following week he was traveling for work with his colleagues. He was super sweet texting me random “I love you”‘s. One night while he was out of town I was feeling super needy and was bothered by the fact that he was being short with me. He disappeared for almost 6 hours without saying anything and then returned around midnight his time being very short with me. I asked him why he was being short and it led into an argument where I exposed my neediness. He said that I was being selfish and was making my neediness his problem knowing that he was busy all day and with his colleagues. He didn’t talk to me yesterday and then this morning I texted him a sweet message telling him to have a good flight and he was clearly very upset with me. I asked why he was so upset which I know I shouldn’t have. He told me he didn’t want to talk to me and that I was always like this anytime he went anywhere and he’s fed up having to deal with it. I’m convinced that he’s going to break up with me considering our last fight and considering this last month and a half and I don’t know what to do. I asked him for a conversation when he gets back and he agreed but I already know he’s going to say these insecurities and signs of neediness are a consistent behavior and he doesn’t want to keep having the same conversation since we’ll also be doing long distance for at least another year and a half. How do I get him to give me another chance and what should I do? I know there are things I need to change.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 10, 2019 at 10:27 pm

      Hi Danielle…that is a heck of a story and I am glad you shared it with me. You have been thru a lot. Trust me, there are things we all need to change to be better relationship partners. For starters, you would benefit by having an ex recovery Program. So check out what I offer with Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro. Its rather epic in length (485 pages) and touches on a lot of things you can do for yourself personally and also things you can do to try to improve your situation. I know a long distance relationship can be challenging, but there are not impossible to save. I speak from personal experience.

  3. Avatar

    CR

    January 28, 2019 at 6:28 pm

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months, we briefly took a break for a week about 2 months ago. He has really bad trust issues with me even though I show him that I am loyal. When I go out it always ends up in a fight so I rarely go out because I love him enough to not create problems with each other. About a week ago we had gotten into an argument because I mentioned how I sacrifice some things to keep us out of fighting. He reacted saying I need to be single and that I deserve better. That same night he went out with friends and didn’t tell me anything he posted a picture of a drunk girl on his story. furious I called him and a girl picked up, she gave him the phone and he was too drunk to speak to me. I was heartbroken and felt betrayed. The next day he called me saying he almost died cause he blacked out and walked 35 minutes home and remembers nothing really about the night. I forgave him a few days later because I love him and we talked about what was best for us. He decided he needed a break to figure things out and better himself for me to be able to treat me right. He would still tell me he loved me during this break week. Two nights ago I went out with friends and got really drunk at the all-girl pre-game, 10 minutes into being at a frat party I called my I guess ex saying I needed to be picked up because I got too drunk. He picked me up and dropped me off at my sorority house. I don’t remember anything after that but somehow managed to uber myself to his apt. The next morning he said I was way out of hand to get that drunk and that I scared him. He dropped me back off at my place and told me he didn’t want to continue our relationship. Keep in mind he had blacked out a week prior and was telling the girls at the party he didn’t have a girlfriend and was single, whereas I just wanted to be with my guy. I have apologized multiple times for my night but tonight we are talking in person (for the in-person breakup). I still love him and I can’t just have us end like this. When I with him I have such this warm feeling. Being around him sends me over the moon. My friends are telling me that he’s not gonna end up breaking up with me, but I just have this feeling that is how tonights gonna go. I’m trying to prepare myself for the worst but I can’t help but have this sense of hope in my heart that it won’t end like this. My guy is very stubborn and I’ve tried to learn to navigate through that but I really am stuck with this one.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 28, 2019 at 11:30 pm

      Hi CR… Are you following my Program. If not, do take a look so you are up to speed on the best strategy moving forward

  4. Avatar

    Carrie

    January 21, 2019 at 3:29 pm

    My guy just got back from a 7 month deployment. 3 days later he blurts out that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. I’m not sure if its 100% true or if he’s feeling pressured post deployment. We live together and I don’t know how to act around him he pretends like everything is fine, like we’ll be friends and all is right with the world. He’s been partially supporting me ( which I’ve never done before) so I’m a bit stuck otherwise I’d just leave. Plus, i live in a new town with no friends.
    Suggestions?
    Move on?
    Leave him be?
    Act like it doesn’t bother me?
    Be cold and distant?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 21, 2019 at 3:53 pm

      Hi Carrie! Just consider giving him some space and time as he may need to sort things out mentally as it sounds like other things may be going on in his head and he is stressing.

  5. Avatar

    Sam

    November 7, 2018 at 7:30 am

    Hi. I think my bf is going to break up with me, we used to be in a long distance relationship, and now we are almost constantly together, and he recently told me he is feeling trapped. He feels like he is done with the relationship and doesn’t know if we are going anywhere. He said that he would like to take some space where we don’t text each other and don’t see eachother and what happens. I feel like after the “break” he is going to break up with me, but he seemed so unsure about breaking up. I’m not sure what else I can do at this point. I love him very much, we have been together for almost a year next week, and I am unsure on how to convince him that we are better together than apart.
    Thank you!

  6. Avatar

    Lau

    October 1, 2018 at 7:30 pm

    Hello,
    (English is not my first language so maybe some terms might be hard to understand)
    I am currently in a relationship and I am very scared that my boyfriend will let me go. We had a very good relationship but it changed at a certain point. I know approximately when it fall apart but I have never seen is love fade away. The thing is that we love each other but we had a fight before we both left for a 5 week trip in Europe together. That fight was about our vision of the relationship. On my part, I was sure he was going to propose because he was always talking about marriage and he was constantly bringing up things about his engaged friend. On his part, I think he was talking about what he thought of doing in a few years. The way he talk about it felt like he was planning something at the moment since he was talking about having a house together and childrens and even being ready to move in Europe with me in a few years, which was my dream. After I realised that he was not thinking about it in the near future I felt hurt. I know having expectations is not good…but I have a really hard time to suppress my expectations. After that first real fight we left for our 5 weeks trip in Europe. It did not went super well there… We had several fights but I did felt like we would be braking up coming back home. Now it has been 6 weeks since the trip and after a week I started noticing that he wanted to spend more and more time with is friends. I have no problem that he is seeing is friends but it started to be a problem for me when he started spending more and more time with them. He use to make me his priority and I felt somewhat left aside. We discussed about all that and I really saw that he started to do an effort about this but sometimes we still argued about things. Those things are usually small but when you compile them together it feels like a lot. After the trip he also told me that he did not like Europe and wished to stay in Canada. I adjust to that and start looking at alternatives for places where I could build up my career in our home country. The thing is somewhat I felt like he is not that interested anymore in talking about the future with me and planning it with me. I believe that he is confuse about whether or not he sees me in his future anymore. Things started to get better in the last two weeks we did not fight and I organised a weekend getaway in the outdoor (this is something we both love). I thought that this last weekend would be a romantic time but it ended up being the opposite. When we went for a hike he seemed disinterested and in a bad mood and I did not get why since it is his favorite activity. Then when we reach out our cabin at some point it all felt apart. We said all the things that bothered us and after that we had a moment of silence after which I asked him if he was thinking about maybe ending up our relationship and the answer was yes… After saying it he immediately tried to take it back but it was to late. I was an emotional mess and I couldn’t control my pain. He tried to have my forgiveness and said he just said that because he is angry. But it is the second time he have thought of that when he is angry (the other time being on our European trip and he told me only weeks after). In the following morning, after spending a horrible night separated, we both talked about how much we love each other and that we needed to fix that and he started doing all the little things I reproched him not to do anymore. He told me we will go on another weekend trip and this time he will be planning it and he will make everything better. After a mostly silent ride back home he told me he will be coming to my place to sleep. When the night came (this was yesterday), he arrived at my place with a grave face and told me he would not be sleeping over at my place and that he need some time to think about our relationship. He left with a heartbroken face and he was crying when he left at the door. He assured me I was still his girlfriend but he wanted to thing about everything that happened to. Now I am devastated and I don’t know what to do, I just know that I don’t want to lose him and I don’t know if it is too late. I woke up this morning with a sensation of rock in my stomach and the feeling I lost the most valuable being in my life. Reeding this article I felt like it might be possible that he lied to me to let me go softly. But one thing I know he is not lying about is that he love me.
    Is it to late? What should I do or not do?
    Thank you

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 1, 2018 at 9:59 pm

      Hi Lau!

      It seems he is saying he needs time. You should let him know you need time as well. Focus on those recovery activiites I talk about people should use during No Contact. I discuss them in detail in my program

  7. Avatar

    Steph

    March 1, 2018 at 1:04 am

    Hi,
    Me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 years. We had a break up about 5 years ago but ended up getting back together after a year apart.
    We get on really well, so much in common, talk about our future. Always making each other laugh. Obviously we have a few rows, but we communicate well and usually move past them.
    Recently I have been struggling with mental health issues, but I’ve seeked help after his advice and support. We had a blazing row where I took what he said to me (someone commented that I don’t speak to him nicely which I didn’t think I did) totally out of context and had a massive panic attack. Amongst the panic I told him I couldn’t go on with my anxiety anymore and just wanted to end my life. He cried and calmed me down as I tried to explain how debilitating my thoughts can be. We were then okay and said we would work as a team through this. He told me he loves me and that we were fine. He then went home (we live 50 miles apart) he went to his dads, and told him all about my meltdown. His dad told him he had never liked me and is angry at me and doesn’t want him with me. Long story short he said he needed some space. I gave him a week with no contact, then said I need to know what’s going on and where I stand, that I love him and want to get through this. He said he needs more time, that he loves me and misses me but needs to sort himself out! I asked what this meant for our relationship and he said he doesn’t know. I’m in limbo here! I love him and I know he loves me but I just don’t know how I can get through whilst he makes his mind up. Is he just stringing me along?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 1, 2018 at 2:29 pm

      Hi Steph,

      When was that? Check this one too:
      How Do I Prevent My Boyfriend From Ending Our Relationship

  8. Avatar

    Ari

    February 28, 2018 at 10:52 pm

    I want to know if EXBR will help my situation:

    – We were having a lot of fights starting September 2017, when he started dental school.
    – We decided in January 2018, that we would talk about issues before they festered.
    – I took it too far and lectured/nagged about everything. We were having small arguments several times a month, and big arguments about twice a month.
    – Last Thursday (Feb 15), we had a minor argument and he did the ONE thing I have asked him several times not to do: say he doesn’t want to talk, and then turn off his phone without waiting for my reply.
    – I told him I wanted to break up, then deactivated all my social media.
    – Friday morning, I saw he had blocked me, and got anxious. I told him I wanted to talk to him in person, so I travelled to his city (2 hours away by bus), and convinced him to give us another shot.
    – Boyfriend says he feels that he does not love me anymore. He agrees that he loved me Thursday morning, and the week before, and the week before that, but he is not happy with me.
    – I stayed over at his house until Tuesday night, and came back to my home. I have maintained limited contact with him (about 3-5 texts a day, asking each other how our days went).
    – Today, I called him to chat with him for a couple minutes before I went out with friends.
    – He said he had something to say, and it was that he felt really happy not having much contact with me for the past 2 days. He said that he felt upset and sad whenever I answered his texts, even though it was very limited.
    – I said that was fine, and that I had a great couple of days as well, just focusing on myself and my friends. I asked him if he’d like to talk about this another time.
    – Boyfriend said “Yeah, how about tomorrow night?” I said maybe, and that I’ll have to see if my plans with friends are solid or not.
    – We hung up, and he said “I love you”, and I said “I love you too”. But, I feel that he only said it out of a sense of guilt.

    I desperately need him back. I am currently using self-help books to analyze my confrontational argument style, and working on spending time with friends and trying to find a new hobby to start.

    But I need him back. Will your program help me? Is it applicable in a situation where my boyfriend has EXPLICITLY SAID “I don’t feel that I love you anymore”???

    Yesterday I told him that we should cut contact to take a breather and FOCUS ON OURSELVES for the rest of the week and talk on the weekend. He read my message but DID NOT REPLY.

    What should I do?!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 1, 2018 at 2:22 pm

      Its not guaranteed to work in any situation but it helps increse your chances.. Do you want to try the advice above?

  9. Avatar

    Teresa

    February 27, 2018 at 7:36 pm

    I have been with my boyfriend for4 year we are both 29. He is due to turn 30 soon and wants to try and progress his music career by going on a tour. He thinks he needs to be single for this. He says he loves me loads but thinks we both have different paths to follow. He doesn’t want to leave for a few months, so we are living together and iam just waiting for him to get up and leave one day. He says he wants to spend an another incredible summer with me before he leaves, but I don’t see why we can’t have a long distance romance whilst he is Persuing his music and I’m studying. The whole thing is breaking my heart everyday

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 28, 2018 at 4:10 pm

      Hi Teresa,

      I’m going to be harsh. The only reason I could think of is he wants to date around during his tour, have fun without having to ask permission and explain to somebody..

  10. Avatar

    Alexandra Quiroz

    January 15, 2018 at 6:51 pm

    So my bf wants to give up on our relationship.
    He loved me very intensely ! Honestly like no guy before! I was going through hard times and I couldn’t love him back equally but he knew this.
    Eventually I started living with him he even got us a dog! (Very weird coming from him because he didn’t really want a dog) but he got her just because he knew how bad I wanted one…
    So life was okay! But then we started to have arguments because of this girl he always hung out with! Her name is milessa. I would get so jealous and upset…. eventually the arguments took a toll on him! He told me that he loved me but with every argument we had that it took away from his soul. The love became dull.. He told me that he shut himself out.
    But I’m at lost because he was one of the sweetest guys ever! Super affectionate, so supportive and now I feel like I’m gonna lose him. I do feel like I took him for granted a lot of the times! And now I’m going crazy because i don’t to lose him. I really do love this guy! And i see a future with him! Something I’ve never felt before. Idk what to do.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2018 at 8:16 pm

      Hi Alexandra,

      why not try the prevention methods above?

  11. Avatar

    L

    January 4, 2018 at 3:17 pm

    My boyfriend and I hit a rough patch last year after dating only 6 months we split up (his decision) a lot went on he tried to get back with me I didn’t want to know as thought he wanted to rub salt in the wound he got involved with another girl then we met up a couple of times to grab my things and eventually we got back together in August! Didn’t trust him due to this other girl kept thinking he was saying the same things to her as he did me forward to xmas 2017 and from Boxing Day onwards he started to distant himself I had a health scare and he wasn’t there to support me instead he got drunk with his friends and ghosted me almost haven’t seen him for 6 days finally get through to him after numerous texts of ‘what’s going on’ (from me) and he is talking as if he wants to split up ‘that he can’t give me what I want and that’s not fair or right’ he ‘doubts his role as a bf’ as he has 2businesses and us always busy he said the other day he didn’t want to split with me but now it feels like he does and that he’ll contact me after work via phone what should I do?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2018 at 11:14 pm

      HI L,

      Do you need help with the prevention methods above?

  12. Avatar

    Claudia Maritz

    December 25, 2017 at 5:32 am

    I don’t really know where to start.
    We had a great relationship, we moved in together and have been living together for 5 months now.
    His family started disliking me and making things a bit difficult to handle and mme having anxiety and depression made me lash out a bit regarding that. So we fought more and more often about them.
    Then one night i went to the movies and he was out with his sister and a friend. We ran into each other and then his sister said i am spying on them. He then got a bit upset and left. That night i went out for coffee with a friend and when i returned home he took some of his stuff and left. The next day he came back and said he wants to break up. I was immiditly defensive and said that i love him. I said we both have issues to work on, mostly me and that i will work on it. I am honest here and that is true. He said maybe one day we can try again but we really arn’t meant to be. But in the same breath he said he loves me… and kissed my cheek.
    I suggested we take a week. A week apart to think of if we want this relationship etc. I feel like he will still choose to break up. Now i don’t know how to stop it. Is there anything i can do to stop it? I love him.

  13. Avatar

    nm

    December 16, 2017 at 9:58 pm

    Hello,

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years now (we did break up once for a few months). We also moved in together (last few months of college). Now we’re both moving back to our hometown. We had a video call as we still didn’t get the chance to meet up yet and he told me he wanted to break up. He started crying and told me how sorry he is, that he’s always been treasured me for always being there for him but he feels that if we continue this relationship I’m the one who would get hurt the most. He told me that he feels that he has been trying, has always giving the relationship a chance since we got back together, has always tried to be happy with me yet he wakes up everyday asking doubts within himself that will this ever work. He told me that he feels the love has always been one side, that I’m the one who always loves more and gives more effort, and the fact that he has always been trying to reciprocate exhausts him. He feels bad whenever he knows I get jealous with other couples because he wouldn’t do things for me (I.g taking pictures together, be more gentle with me, spoil me as any normal bf would). This is the first time in our relationship that he cries so much, and he said saying these words to me hurt him so much than I could imagine, but all he wants know is time for himself.

    Now, I don’t want to break up with him. I know he has issue with his ex gf in the past which makes him cannot be the boyfriend he always wants to be for another. He always has doubts if relationship will ever work and if he can love me as much as I do, which I told him he’s being unfair not to me but to him because if he can’t get rid of self-doubts and enjoy the relationship as it is, even if with someone else, this loop of ending relationship will happen to him again and again.

    We agreed to take a step back as I didn’t agree to just break up simply because he feels I’m being treated unfair and the relationship wouldn’t work when we still have happy memories together. We agreed to meet later (in about 2 weeks) to talk through this again and having this 2 week period to think through. He said he can try to work this relationship out but he’s afraid I will get hurt like this again.

    I just couldn’t understand while he cried throughout the conversation that it hurt so much to break up with me but at the same time he doesn’t want to continue to be my boyfriend. I’m afraid he’s hitting one of the emotional rails where he’s feeling overwhelmed in a relationship and just wants to focus on himself (which I also suggest that we take a break to re-learn about ourself and expand our world).

    What can I do in the next 2 weeks so that when I meet him, we can let go of this break up topic and be back togther?

    Thank you

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2017 at 5:39 pm

      Hi Nm,

      you can use the advice above, aside from that check this one too:
      How Do I Prevent My Boyfriend From Ending Our Relationship

  14. Avatar

    Anna G

    November 24, 2017 at 2:32 pm

    Hi so I’m a little confused, me and and my boyfriend are being each other about 2&half years, this time last year we broke up as he seemed to just be scared of commitment and we fought a lot over stupid things and he thought he didn’t love me, we got back together 3 months later as he realised he made such a big mistake and that he really did love me, everything was going great until I fought out he had slept with someone he worked with & I wanted him to leave his job for ages, he didn’t leave and it always upset me knowing he was still working with her so that’s where most of our fights came from (he doesn’t talk to her and has not got her on social media) I do trust him with her I have no problem it’s just the fights we’ve had have made him really upset and he always says ‘I’m not good enough for you’, I don’t have fights with him over her as she’s irrelevant to me now but recently we’ve been fighting about stupid things mostly from his side , he wouldn’t put in the effort into our relationship and I’d always bring it up and we’ve have a huge fight every time, it would be over things like him saying he’d collect me from somewhere at a certain time and have been left multiple times which has made me wonder if he cares, when this happens I’d normally go quiet on him for an hour or two and then I break down and tell him and once again leads to a fight , the other day he just completely ignored my messages and didn’t contact me a whole day if I didn’t ring him (spoke for 2 mins & that was it) I had a hard day and it upset me that he didn’t even bother to try find out if I was ok (he was busy too but could have spared 1 min out of the day to text me?) I then confronted him about this whoever I went quiet on him and did not talk, I then broke down and told and then he made it into a big deal and we fought, this time we had a talk about this whole relationship and how he feels he’s in an emotional rollercoaster, however I feel if he just made a bit of effort with me I wouldn’t be upset, also the previous fights we’ve had in the past he hasn’t officially gotten over them as he hasn’t ‘had time to get over them until another fight over his actions would be brought up’ he said maybe we should stop kidding ourselves and rip the badaid off as after every fight he makes himself have hope we won’t fight again, I agreed as I thought the same whoever when we are together everything’s perfect, it’s that we don’t see each other too often maybe once a week or twice if lucky and most of our relationship is over text, we then ended up going to the shops and we had a good time, I then asked after that that if he feels he’s better off without me then he should and he told me that it’s not that it’s just he doesn’t want to hurt me but when we got back to his he told me he loved me and I told him I don’t want to loose him and he agreed, I don’t know what to do as I don’t want to loose him but we’ve had a couple of fights about him not putting the effort in when it comes to making time for me or basic communication or when he agrees to collect me and is always late or I make my own way back which makes me feel he doesn’t care and I always say what’s on my mind when he does these, it has not been the first time he’s said we should just work on ourselves as our busy schedules don’t match up with our relationship and maybe we’re kidding ourselves but we don’t ever break up but feel we’re on a verge of a breakup? Any ideas of what I can do? Or if I’m asking too much from him ? Communication about our relationship never really happens but he does tell me he loves me when I say it, he always says we’re on two different pages in regards to commitment as we’re too ”young’ to be thinking so far ahead but I’m 20 & hes 22 ? I do love him and he loves me and I don’t want to break up but I’m afraid he just hasn’t put in 100% into our relationship as his head isn’t in it and we both agreed on that and I also said I don’t want to be in a relationship if his head isn’t in it 100% but he said he just doesn’t want to hurt me and then we said we loved each other ? Please I need some guidance of how to take this

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2017 at 5:04 pm

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    Samantha

    November 1, 2017 at 7:40 pm

    Hi

    I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year. We want to get married soon. We recently introduced our families but it didnt go really well. His mother didnt seem to be quite happy about the meetup. She is status conscious and we belong to different family backgrounds.

    My boyfriend is a mama’s boy. I asked him to give me a commitment that he will only marry me but he says that he will try his best to convince his mother but will never go against her and will only marry me if his mother approves.

    I am stressing as I do not want to lose him. What should I do to prevent the eventual break-up.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 8:16 pm

  16. Avatar

    Natalie

    October 31, 2017 at 11:55 am

    Hi,

    I am dating this guy for 1.5 years. We both want to be with each other forever. The issue here is that his family is not happy about us. He has always told me that he will never marry me without his family’s approval. He says that he is trying to convince them but is not giving me any commitment or guarantee.
    Its been a while and he can still not give me a commitment. I dont know what to do? Please suggest.

    Thanks

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 8:16 pm

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    JS

    June 21, 2017 at 7:16 am

    Hi Amor, Me and my boyfriend is together for almost 3 years. Like the common relationship all was blissful at first. we both had past relationships that left me with a son and him a daughter. He fought for our love leaving his daughter who grew up with him. My supposed to be annulment was not processed yet due to financial problems and he is expecting it but it’s not my fault but i felt now he refused to understand. The initial plan of having a child also disappeared. We are both working abroad and now he decided to come back to the Philippines. When he was there he started to have guilt feelings for his daughter about his decision of leaving her as well as his mom is probably influencing him now that he is back home. I am left here alone and first few days communication was ok. Now he barely text me, slowly detaching and wants to leave him alone. He even told me he cant promise anything but did not say exactly we broke up. Our last conversation he still said I love you but now his texts are getting rare. I decided to day for a no contact strategy but I dont know what will work. Im in a struggle. help…

    1. Avatar

      JS

      August 18, 2017 at 4:25 pm

      hi amor just to update, after NC i initiated contact and at first he is not that responsive but i became patient and just wait that he initiates the contact again. as days go by i can feel he is healing and viola the day came that he was the one trying to patch things up for us. we are going to see each other soon in the philippines. thank you for all your advice. indeed NC works!!!

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 18, 2017 at 5:50 pm

      That’s good! I’m happy for you!! Bon Voyage!!

    3. Avatar

      JS

      July 12, 2017 at 7:40 am

      at least i have hope that he really wants to spend time with his daughter since the activity of the phone tracker is like he would fetch the daughter then send her home to where his ex and family is staying then he goes back to his place. everyday it is like that. i think he is very depressed because when i still got his passwords, for the whole day when he is not with the daughter i can view his activity that he keeps non stop playing and downloading online games. will he ever realize that he has a life apart from doing that everyday?

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 14, 2017 at 1:29 pm

      If he doesn’t have a job, he’ll have to get one again.. So of course he will realize that later on.. Yeah you should initiate after nc

    5. Avatar

      JS

      July 12, 2017 at 7:36 am

      Hi Amor, right now I am on 15th day NC. Though it is very hard I was able to succeed for 15 days. He hanged his password to his facebook and email which he used to give to me and I didnt react at all. One time I saw him open his deactivated facebook, was once active in messenger but I really did ignore him. He also opened up his emails which he dont usually do. I can trak his location without him knowing and I found out that he i staying on a place nearby where his daughter and ex is staying but his activity is just normal each day. will fetch the daughter to school and return to that place. For so many days its like that and I found out that he is really spending time with the daughter. I dont know how long will he be able to continue this without a job of his own. Well he is an ofw we used to work here together but it is nearly 2 weeks of him doing that. after 30 days should i contact him?

    6. Avatar

      JS

      June 27, 2017 at 2:54 am

      although at first he said he is not decided if he will stay their for good. I really dont know his decision now as i think everything changed when he went home. what to do. he didnt communicate for 5 days and yesterday i made great efforts to contact him but wasnt able to. at his ex is controlling and using the child as a weapon. made sure that he cannot contact the daughter when we are together.

    7. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 29, 2017 at 5:31 pm

      You cant control other people..so the best you can do is to take this as a restart.. Start nc.. Slowly build rapport after, if you ever get back together later on, talk to him on what the solution with his daughter and your relationship is

    8. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 23, 2017 at 5:10 pm

      HI JS,

      so is he back in Philippines for good? Can’t he be with you and be a good father as well?

  18. Avatar

    Mady

    June 19, 2017 at 4:40 am

    Hi. I am a teen and recently began my first relationship. I have been dating him for almost a month now (not long I know, I’ve know him for half a year though) and he’s been acting funny lately. The relationship almost began out of nowhere, he was a good friend of my best girl friend and they were sometimes a little friendly flirty. After a while they didn’t talk as much but I never though much of it. One day in class I noticed an empty seat by his, I sat down (Just friends at this point) and he began to crack long punchline jokes at me. He continued this all period while making eye contact and we spent an hour laughing and chatting. Shortly after that my friend gave him my details and he began messaging me constantly. For the first week he was always the one to engage in conversation. The next week it was a mix, we began to use XO and hearts more often. The past couple weeks I’ve been the only one started conversation and I’ve seen a decline in hearts although still xx. He doesn’t say I love you as much as he used to although still occasionally. Even though this was happening I didn’t take much notice as the other day we spent a lunchtime together, hugging, flirting, holding hands, cuddling so I thought everything was more then fine and he’d just been busy. Then I come back to school after the weekend (We didn’t talk much during) And I notice he’s acting slightly strange. Still happy to see me but a little distant. Lunchtime comes and I’m with my friends, i see him and run over and begin our usual routine of walking to the canteen with him and his friends. Some of his maleness friends join us and put their arm round me and him. This is a running joke as he has “Babes” as he calls his close male friends. I laugh it off and continue walking. I make a joke about his babes seeming more important to him and I feel used (We’ve made this joke often) and he goes “Fine bye then” in a sarcastic way and walks off, smirks over his shoulder and waves. (Both done this before) Later into the lunchtime, I’m on the field playing football/soccer and I see him and his friend across the other side of the field. I hear his friend shouting “Mady! [HIS NAME] needs to talk to you!” His voice sounds more serious then usual and I hurry over after he shouts this multiple times. My boyfriend then runs away and his friend who has just shouted me over runs after him. We all gather in the middle of a square block of classrooms, I run up behind him then tap him on the shoulder playfully and say, “You okay? Did you wanna talk?” He denies and says it’s nothing and no matter how many times I ask he refuses he ever wanted to. Eventually his friends step away and I ask him again, he finally cracks, darts his eyes then begins to speak. “Mady, I really like you but I feel like I treat you badly, I treat you like a dick. I’m not sure if I want to keep doing this to you.” He says a few other things similar to that aswell. His eyes which are usually meet with mine glancing away every couple seconds. I touch his shoulder and begin, “[HIS NAME] I love you, and I don’t mind how you treat me. You treat me fine, and too be honest I treat you like a bitch. It’s how our relationship works.” He smiles and leans in for a hug, I hug him tightly and say into his ear “[HIS NAME] I love you. I will no matter what.” We stop hugging and he immediately goes off nearby to talk with a mixed group of friends who I knew. I stay nearby and began to talk to one of his close friends. I tell his friend what happened and if he knew He knew was going to do this. He admits and says yes he was planning to break up with you. I ask if it was because he did not feel anything anymore, his friend denies and says he stills likes me very much. His friend then begin serving to say that perhaps he was expecting more and the relationship is moving to slow for his liking then jokes I should of kissed him and held his hands by now. He gestures I should make a move as he is nearby. I see him talking to his group and their eyes often darting towards me then they talk more. I then walk over to him and say hi. Something feels extremely wrong. So wrong I can’t explain. I ask him if he’s okay and that I don’t want to force him into a relationship he doesn’t want to be in. He plays it off and says he’s fine and he was just worried about me. The bell rings and h goes to walk to his nearby class (Usually he would turn to hug goodbye every time) I call his name and say, “You didn’t say goodbye.” And step towards him for a hug. He smiles slightly and barely says bye and hugs me. I say to him that if he wants he should message me during his class I feel he needs to talk. He agrees and says he will. I get to class and message him, “Are you sure you still want to date me? Because I still want to date you.” He never replies, he often is busy in his class though and is always a mistake he didn’t Reply. I shake it off and continue with my work but struggle to forget the lunchtime event. After school I often wait by where he catches his bus so we can say bye before we part, he had rugby though so he was not there. As I walk home I cannot get this dooming feeling out of me and my heart. When I get home I write a short paragraph stating my emotions, how he has choice, I didn’t know something was up, my apologies for the jokes/insults and I finish with I love you [HIS NAME] x.
    He is at rugby currently and will come home soon. I am not sure what to think in the mean time.
    I have come up with several scenarios as what he is feeling.
    A. He simply has no feelings anymore for me or barely any
    B. He is simply just concerned about me but still likes me
    C. His feelings have lessened, and he is concerned
    D. He would rather spend his time with/doing something else.
    He has a few past relationships the most recent a popular girl from his previous school, they date de for around a year and their breakup was extremely messy. He never told me why they actually broke up whenever I would mention their relationship, several have told me because she was cheating on him. He is a tough outside soft inside guy. I have a feeling he might have trust issues because of his break up if that was true.
    If you could help me with what you think he is thinking with my list of scenarios and your advice that would be amazing.
    Thanks x

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2017 at 2:37 pm

      I think he’s just really not that serious with you.

  19. Avatar

    Clara

    May 22, 2017 at 9:43 pm

    Hello Chris,
    Even though I have the Exboyfriendrecovery ebook, I still find my self confused as I don’t know what to do in this current situation. I don’t know if i should do the no contact again or apologize before I give some space.
    I met my boyfriend over a year ago, I broke up with him in December because I found out he was cheating on me with another girl whom he met before me. I didn’t really have time for the relationship at that time because I was doing my masters programme. Anyways, I did the no contact for 6wks and we started talking again and got back together. He was serious this time, attentive to my needs, very caring and was talking about marriage. This last 3 months after NC has been the best of the relationship. A male friend bought me a Samsung 8 as belated birthday gift, Yesterday, he saw me with the phone and asked how I got it, I lied to him that I bought the phone. He kept insisting on who got me the phone because he knows I didn’t buy it. (Meanwhile he got me the Red iPhone 7 as my birthday gift last month).He kept telling me, i know you are lying, tell me who you bought you a new phone.. I told him he was taking everything out of context and I wasn’t cheating on him. He said cheating doesn’t have to be physical, that it can also be emotional. That I’m taking him to be a fool and a stupid person, that everything is falling into place. That because if have a soft landing, a plan B that’s why I have be threatening to break up with him this past couple of days. (Btw, me always telling him that its fine if we break up and that relationship is not by force Is just coincidence and also so he doesn’t feel I’m desperate for him).He said if I don’t tell him the truth about the 2nd phone I should go and sleep in the guest room. Then I burst into tears telling him I couldn’t sleep in the guest room, he was so cold to me and said if I can’t sleep in the guest room, I should go to my house. So I decided to leave for my house. I packed my stuff in his house and then he brought my nightie that I always left in his house. I said, why are you giving this to me amidst tears, he said he doesn’t want it in his house anymore. Then I said I’m sorry, but he was cold. I told him he was been heartless and why doesn’t he care, he said because I made him not to care. At that point, I told myself to save me some diginity and leave, this was at 11:30pm. Immediately I left, I blocked him from WhatsApp and phone calls and msgs because i didn’t want to go crazy expecting a msg or call from him. I left him on social media though. Now, I don’t know if I should apologize for lying and reassure him of my loyalty before giving him space or I should just go straight to a no contact.
    Thanks.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 24, 2017 at 6:21 pm

      yup you should apologize and explain.. check this one too:
      EBR 044: Lying To An Ex Boyfriend

  20. Avatar

    Estelle

    May 21, 2017 at 9:08 pm

    Hi,
    My boyfriend and I have dated for a little over a year but we went through major ups and downs, including 3 break ups in between. Most of them was because I wasn’t considerate of his feelings and hurt him to the point where he doesn’t feel like I care enough to stay with me. But we always find our way back and work ourselves up to be better again. There are times when I’ve done things he didn’t like and he voiced that, asking me to not do them again. However, I keep repeating my mistakes, each time i’d say i womt do it again but i slip up. It’s to the point he feels like I don’t care enough to be better and he is hurt and can’t trust my words. But I really do care and love him. I see him in my future. I’m so scared and sad that I hurt him and his trust for me. I tried writing down the things he doesn’t like and actions I can take to proactively stop myself from letting it happen again. But this time was so bad that he wants to break up. He tells me he still cares about me and he wishes that I can reassure him again but he doesn’t know how that can happen after countless chances he’s given me. I’m holding on to this relationship by a thread because I see potential and when we are having a good time (more good days than bad), it’s amazing. What can I do to reassure him that I will really try harder? We are currently living in different states so it’s hard to see him in person. I understand that the problems come from me so I know I need to really try harder to improve myself and be attentive of his feelings.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 23, 2017 at 6:31 pm

      wait, have you broken up or not?

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