How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It's Coming

399 thoughts on “How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming”

Mahkenna Koinzan

July 29, 2020 at 8:42 am

My boyfriend and I have been dateing for 9 months. He has a hobby that takes all his attention and time during July and August. I know he is feeling unloved. But refuses to stop for a moment so I can give him attention and love. Should I demand he stop so I can love on him even if he may think I am unsupportive. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 31, 2020 at 12:52 pm

Hey Mahkenna, do not demand anything of him. If he feels unloved but isnt making time for your relationship then that is on him. You make sure you are keeping busy with your friends while he is doing his own thing

Anxious

July 3, 2020 at 8:24 pm

Hi. I’m afraid of losing someone really important to me. We have been together for just over a year. We were apart for lockdown (living in different cities) but when I went to visit him he was moody and angry, but only toward me. He apologised but things still felt tense. I asked if we could talk to see what was wrong or on his mind. He messaged to say that he had left town and we can talk once he’s back the next time I come to town. I didn’t reply thinking he would let me know once he returned, but he never wrote me again after that. We didn’t break up but, I started NC after his last message. It’s day 29. I’d like to write to him now, but not sure what I could say that would turn things around or even just get a chance to talk in person. He’s important to me, so I hope we can talk about what happened. Thanks for this article and advice.
Haley Gagnon

June 4, 2020 at 4:42 am

Hi there,
I feel crazy for being on this site. My bf and I have been dating for almost 4 years. In all honesty, we’ve always had a NEARLY perfect relationship. No joke. We are both pretty easy to get along with and love each other very much. Lately I feel like he doesn’t want to spend as much time with me though, and isn’t as affectionate as he used to be. I can’t figure out if he’s just comfortable around me now (because we used to be overly affectionate bc we love each other so much) and doesn’t need to show me his love that much, or if he is purposely pulling away.

I’ve tried to have serious conversations with him and he always assures me he wants to be with me and I am being silly for even thinking that! He likes to talk about the future on his own terms, and loves to talk about it in an idealistic way. So he isn’t against future plans. But if I get too serious about it he kind of pulls away. To be fair, we are only juniors in college. However I just like to have these conversations because I’m not gonna waste my time dating a guy if we aren’t planning on getting married!

Anywho, I am just wondering if I have any reason to worry or if I should approach him about it again. When he doesn’t want to hang out, he tells me he is just tired or wants alone time. I’ve told him I understand, but it also hurts my feelings that he doesn’t want to spend time with me… Even if we aren’t doing much I just enjoy being in his company. I’ve told him all of this. But he’s always assuring me just because he wants alone time doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me. Just not sure how this will tie into the future when we are actually living together.

I’m sorry for the long message. Lemme know what you think please!! I’m not sure if I should wait it out or seriously talk to him and just ask what he’s thinking. It’s hard for me to approach him sometimes bc I don’t want to come off as clingy. I appreciate your helpfulness:)

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 15, 2020 at 6:59 pm

Hi Haley, I would say that you need to accept that after a long term relationship things become less “exciting” and that is where the affection does lessen. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you any less. And him wanting time to himself or with friends is completely acceptable too where you are just going to have to use that time for yourself or with your own friends and family. If you want some suggestions on what you could be doing, read the articles about being Ungettable and apply this to yourself

Confused_girl

June 3, 2020 at 8:16 am

Hi I am having a really big issue and I don’t know what to do. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we deeply love each other still but we have been each other’s first for everything. Neither one of us has had any sexual experiences with other people or even kissed other people. My boyfriend and I got into a fight the other day because I was being petty as usual which is a problem of mine and he was over it and tried to break up with me. I begged him to give me another chance and he did. The next day he was still acting weird and I didn’t know why so I asked him, “ can we ever get back to normal?” And he said he doesn’t know. I was confused at this point because I thought we were okay, it turns out he was having thoughts for a while about getting more experience and that’s why he wanted to break up earlier. He said he loves me and wants me in his life but he wants to experience other people’s personalities as he says. I asked him if that meant that he wants to date other people and have sex with other people and he said no he just wants more experience which is confusing but he said it’s not a lust thing. He is really torn because he doesn’t want to leave me because he loves me and wants to marry me and have kids with me in the future but doesn’t want to regret anything since we’re in our early 20’s but to me I think as long as you’re happy there’s nothing to regret. He agreed with me and chose to stay with me but he told me that it’s always going to be a possibility that he could leave to experience more and that’s what’s really bothering me because he could leave any second and I don’t think I’d be able to handle that very well. He’s such a nice guy and I told him that I understand where he’s coming from and we’ve had multiple conversations about this because I can’t keep things to myself because this is eating me up inside wondering if he could just change his mind tomorrow and break up with me. I need help on how to handle this because it’s going to be so hard to see him with other people if it gets to that point and just not having him around would be so hard. I want to try to wait for him after he’s done experiencing but what if during his experience he finds someone else? Then I wasted all that time waiting, but he’s the one I want so I don’t know what to do. We’re okay right now but I just don’t know how to handle this whole situation, please help.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 14, 2020 at 8:17 pm

Hey CG, so there is no way you can convince your guy to stay if he does not want to. What you would need to do is work on yourself so that you are focusing on yourself and not him, not chasing him and not making it feel that you are begging him to stay. You are going to have to work to be Ungettable and then from there. The articles about the Holy Trinity and being Ungettable on this website is going to help you.

Liz

May 21, 2020 at 6:42 am

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years. We’ve have broken up in the past when we were younger (we started dating when were 18), but as we’ve gotten older we have gotten much more serious.
We were going fine, no issues at all, but then all of a sudden he burst out crying saying he was scared that it was the end for us. I asked where this had come from and it had stemmed from the realisation that he doesn’t want kids and that he thinks I do, so therefore we don’t have a future. I told him that I don’t even want kids now (we are only 26 and don’t even live together yet due to finances) and that I don’t think it’s something we should let affect our relationship right now. But he has been really down because he can’t stop thinking about it. So I gave him some space. Everything seemed to be going fine and he still told me he loved me and that I’m the love of his life, but last night I freaked out because he just seemed very distant when I messaged him. I basically forced him to tell me he loves me and that everything will be okay, but he told me today that it made him feel worse and it sounded like he was going to end things.
I told him I’d leave him alone and not message him anymore and he said okay.

Now it’s just worrying me that the way I acted last night could be the thing that makes him want to end things. I know it wouldn’t be the soul reason, but could it have been prevented if I just shut my mouth and gave him space like I said I would? Like everyone else on here, I don’t want to lose my boyfriend. It’s been a tough time with COVID, I’ve been working from home and he’s been trying to keep his business alive. Is he maybe just dealing with too much at the moment? I just don’t know.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 7, 2020 at 11:13 am

Hi Liz, honeslty no it wouldn’t be the reason to end things it sounds as if he was trying to end things in the beginning (talking about children etc). It does sound as if he is thinking long term that he isn’t happy right now… but you can change his perception of you. You need to work on the Holy Trinity and being Ungettable. Letting him see how good you are doing through social media but you stick to the rules of No Contact for at least 30 days. If you feel that you do want children in your future and he is adamant that he does not then keep that in mind when you get back with him. People always go into these situations with “they might change their mind” and often they dont.

Victoria Rodger

May 15, 2020 at 6:45 am

This is so familiar to me. My partner of 14 years has become really distant over the last 2 months (coinciding with the Covid-19 Lockdown).

He’s been sleeping on the couch, says it’s because i snore and he gets a better sleep. He goes to work all day while I’m furloughed and stuck at home on my own all day every day. We haven’t had sex during that period as he won’t come to bed.

On Sunday he was up before me and went for a shower. I asked him if he could please come to bed for a bit and he did. As soon as he got into bed I tried to initiate sex and he stopped me. When I asked him why he said coz he didn’t want to. I pushed him further and asked why he wasn’t letting me have sex with him and he replied that he doesn’t like me anymore and that my behaviour over the last 2 months has been shocking.

I think that the pressures of lockdown and being on my own all day may have changed my behaviour – I know my flaws though and if anything this lockdown period has allowed for a lot of self reflection and I am working on fixing these flaws. The problem is that he is barely talking to me so how do I show him that i’ve changed?

He hasn’t explicitly said that he’s breaking up with me but he might actually already think we are broken up.

It might not be healthy but he is honestly everything to me and I can’t be without him.

He told me last night to stop fussing and stop doing things for him and I told him that as he wont talk to me, actions are the only way I can think of to try and prove myself to him. He said it didn’t matter and wouldn’t change anything. I asked if we can have a proper talk when he’s ready and he said fine but that he’s said all he has to say.

I just dont know what to do or say when we have that talk. I’ve made lists of all of the reasons I want to be with him. I’ve also made a list of all the reasons that he’s said he doesn’t want to be with me and I’ve addressed each of those with either what I have already done or what I plan to do to fix it.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 15, 2020 at 5:12 pm

Hi Victoria, so it sounds as if he has this negative impression of you since the two months of lock down, you have not stated what that is but I would suggest that you give your ex some space. Let him sleep on the sofa, let him not speak to you – try to complete 30 days of limited no contact where you only talk to him if he comes to you. Stop going to him for these emotional conversations you are just going to push him further away, and stop “doing things for him” as this is not going to help either. You need to distance yourself, go for a walk in the evenings so that he gets space. He is going to work during this time and it is in a highly stressful environment for anyone who is working right now, he possibly holds some resentment that you are home and safe all day and then if you are telling him how hard it is for you at home when hes had to be out all day thats going to drain on him too. For now keep yourself busy and distance from him. Call friends on the phone in your room, pick up some new hobbies

Nam

May 12, 2020 at 5:40 pm

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years and have lived together for a year. We talked about future and marriage before, but lately he changed his mind. He has become distant these last 3 months and I have been feeling insecure and questioning him . He has given me some reasons such as work is busy , he doesn’t have the mental capacity to think about our relationship anymore or the future. After an argument we had yesterday, he said it’s best if I move out and we split up. He says he thinks we moved in too soon, but if he wants me to move out and break up now, how does that help things ? I always want to work on us , but he doesn’t want to. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 19, 2020 at 9:29 pm

Hey Nam, if your ex is asking for space then you need to respect that and give it to them. I would suggest that you complete your NC and work on your Holy Trinity during that time, then attempt to reconnect and work your way up the value chain

Kay

May 11, 2020 at 6:43 pm

Myself and my fiancé have gone through a rough patch, we’ve been together three years, engaged for two months and live together.
He’s gone to his parents and told me he loves me and I’m amazing, but that we don’t work because of frequent arguments and that this “needs to happen”. He’s now not talking to me.
I’ve asked him to consider couples counseling but he didn’t read my messages.
I’ve reflected over the week he’s been gone, and I can point out a lot of what I did to contribute, so I am working on my side of it.
I am so desperate for him to come back and speak with me and resolve this, but am utterly terrified he will come back and be over me and either ask me to leave, or stay at his parents until I do.
Please help me, I’m not sure what to do. I’m an absolute mess right now.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 19, 2020 at 5:39 pm

Hi Kay, at this point there is not much you can do apart from giving your ex space right now. And following the 30 day NC plan where you focus on your Holy Trinity and then when you have completed the 30 days you can reach out knowing you will be in a somewhat better place

maria Wasch

May 8, 2020 at 10:51 pm

me and my bf have been together for 2 years, recently I sense he is about to break-up with me. Last year he did the same… became very distant, withdrawn, and unreachable then he broke up with me. but I know he struggles with major depression then he wanted to get back together and he said it was his depression that made him so isolated. when he is depressed he becomes very difficult everything irritates him.. doesn’t want to cuddle or to kiss or to talk and he just wants to be left alone basically turns into a cactus and if u touch him he will hurt you. I can’t tell if what happened last year is happening all over again and he is depressed and thats why he’s pushing me away, or if this time its because he realised he doesn’t want to be with anymore. I can’t talk to him about this at the moment as he is very very distant and I Just know he won’t respond to me and won’t want to talk about it! but the wait is killing me!! haven’t seen him in two weeks and we do text but its very dry and unchatty. I asked him if he wants to come over 2 weeks from now and I got a “hmm I don’t know” it makes me feel very rejected. and when I last saw him again it was very distant and he just started at his phone the entire time no talking no touching no nothing..

what are your opinions?:)help a gal out!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 12, 2020 at 3:52 pm

Hi Maria, while you feel this way you can only remain calm and allow him to do what he feels he needs to do. If he ends things, agree with him that you think you both should take time for yourselves, remain in control of your emotions and allow the break up to be calm and collected as possible.

Reema

May 4, 2020 at 5:02 pm

Hi there! Firstly this article was amazing
Needed some advice
Me and my boyfriend have major trust issues, we have everything but the trust levels aren’t there & right now we’re in the question (its in his hands) of whether we should stay together or not.
What do I do?
Shall I give him space? Do I fight for him.. or do I chase and convince him and show him how much I love him? I’m completely clueless its my first ever relationship and i’m unsure.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 7, 2020 at 10:48 pm

Hi Remma, I suggest that you look for a local couple therapist and speak to them to work through why you both have trust issues. Until you work on those issues the pair of you are not going to have a healthy relationship with anyone.

HM

April 30, 2020 at 5:57 pm

Hi.
So I have been with my bf for 2 months. We are both in our early 30’s. Everything moved very quickly. We talked about everything and opened up about the type of future we wanted, communication was great, we had fun and laughed a lot. After the first week we were seeing eachother almost every day. Within first month we both said I love you, him first. Said “he never has felt this way about anyone before, I changed his perspective of love.” Texts throughout the day where I could sense the love and excitement. Even if we saw eachother for 3 nights straight, he would tell me he misses me the first day he didn’t see me and he was curious how my day was. Then this is where it all changed after 6 weeks of consistent texts, effort and spending time with eachother. I stayed at his house for a few days in a row, because I was working remote during COVID, and we saw eachother Almost every night. I didn’t think it was a huge deal because I was just going with the flow. However, that triggered something in him and he said he needed to take a step back because he is not used to having someone around And he needs his own space. He had been single for 2 years After he had been hurt by his ex baby momma of 5 years. I left he kissed me and told me he loved me and I’ll see you later, which didn’t happen. For the next week he was distant, and short no terms of endearment. I respected it and tried not to bother him Because I am pretty good understanding And realizing his need for space even without him telling me. He finally told me that he had to take time, figure things out, that he wasn’t used to coexsisting with someone and that even though he thought he was ready that he questioned it even though it was right in front of him. He said he decided that if it feels right, why fight it. He apologized for not being up front with what was going on.(this was Friday a week after weirdness started). So we had plans for that Friday night, but he had to “cancel”, becAuse he had forgot it was his weekend with son, he had to get things together for having his son the next 2 days. I explained it was okay, but I was hurt that it felt like he didn’t want to see me(previously we would have been able to spend time together when he got ready). He said Sunday night I’m all yours. The next day, I waited for him to reach out. He asked what I was doing, I told him and he said “if you weren’t busy today I would say come to dog park”. I was like well I could probably come for an hour if you want! He said sure. This is huge because he had his son, I never met his son and he only lets special people meet him, or so he says. After we texted a bit, it felt all normal, I said I love You and he said I love you too. Sunday rolls around, I text him good morning, nothing. I text him later in afternoon to see if we were still on for him being all mine that night, but nothing. Although he was short the past week, we didn’t go a day without him at least texting once our whole relationship. So it was weird. He texted me next morning and said he thought he lost his phone, but he left it at parents, my dad just found it and brought it to me(Monday). Sure I can believe that. Monday I asked his plans for after work, he said he had to do some things, let’s shoot for tomorrow. Tomorrow comes around he texted me at 7, saying what are you doing, I said was hoping to see you, like you said. He goes I understand, I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be at work. I was like if you want some company let me know. He texted me at 9 saying he is just going to chill at home. It’s now Thursday. He hasn’t initiated wanting to see me, he isn’t using terms of endearment Since Saturday, and he hasn’t even said I miss you. He does text first, but still it’s different. Side note: he is working later hours which started a week ago, but nothing before would have stopped him from seeing me, or just coming over to sleep if he missed me. I don’t know what to do? I mean I know actions speak louder than words and his actions have been off, after the first 6 weeks. I’m smart enough to know I deserve better and want 75% of what we were, As that 100% phase wears off. But do I just end it or Ask what’s going on? I obviously would love to continue building a relationship with him, but I do know I can’t force a guy or make him feel bad for not being ready. Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 7, 2020 at 4:44 pm

Hey there HM, so if you are still in a relationship then I would suggest finding a time that you are both calm and content and choose your words carefully to explain to your guy how you are feeling about the relationship, not using accusing or blaming words.

RosieS

April 29, 2020 at 10:15 pm

We have not technically broken up but he is having doubts based on my recent emotional state due to the virus. This has unfortunately led to my picking fights and getting angry with him. I have apologized and expressed some emotions, and seemingly he is ok with me as a person, but has expressed his concerns on how we move past this as a couple. I told him I would need some time to process what he said (yesterday) and started NC. We have been together for 2 years and for the most part had a great relationship (“worth fighting for” as I read in some of your articles) with some ups and downs until last month, which has been a huge down. What is your plan for moving forward after NC, and how long should it be?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 1, 2020 at 9:32 pm

Hi Rosie, I would follow the NC period for 30 days and work on the holy trinity during that them, and then after 30 days you reach out with a texts that Chris suggests in his articles and videos

NenitaLuv

November 28, 2019 at 6:01 pm

Hi,
My boyfriend and I haven’t been together long (2 months). Everything happened very fast but we had an instant connection since day one. I’m aware of the honeymoon phase and that quickly went away but he told me he loved me within our first month which for me is fast but not uncommon. There’s a lot of promises on the table but I haven’t dropped any love bombs because I’m a single mom and I take things seriously so I can’t just say that premature. He’s a single dad so we have a mutual understanding and respect for each other. Recently he met all my friends and a Friendsgiving party and my daughter for the first time. I thought everything went well, because we talked afterwards and then my phone broke 3 days later and when when I finally got back online I noticed he just didn’t leave messages even though I was mia. I dismissed it as him being busy moving all weekend. And we had a brief conversation once I got my phone back but that was it. Next day no responds to my good morning texts, or messages in general. Then I find him online on linked after a day of him ignoring me and I was bothered and wrote him to find out why the silence and if I did anything wrong.

He finally texts me a long drawn out list of things he was doing with his move and his car breaking down etc and lets me know he’s been busy focusing on that. He then tells me in response to my question if I did anything wrong and gave me a “” but tells me he did however need to talk to me about a few things that didn’t sit well with him and he rather do it over the phone. He needed a few days to think about it. This sounds like a breakup :/. It’s been a week since that party and I’m only finding out something was wrong two days ago. I let him know I wanted to talk about it, and to please call along with some other things said. Even sent him an “I miss you “ text. Nothing. Called today thanksgiving to say happy thanksgiving, and no answer so i left a voicemail. At this point I feel that there’s no way someone can tell me they love me so much and think the world of me but make me miserable by making me wait to talk. That’s not love. I want us to work but I don’t think that’s what he wants and I honestly don’t know how to not lose my mind with wondering if this is pending breakup. My biggest problem that I have with him is how I don’t hear from him on his sports sundays because he watches the games all day and just doesn’t get back to me till late. I try not to think that there is someone else because he wanted me to move in with him so why would he do that if there’s someone else, but at this point I don’t know. Please advise

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 1, 2019 at 10:16 pm

Hi There, so in this situation I would stick to silence and let him come to you if he does not reach out to you and tell you whats going on in the next couple of days take that as him ending things with you and go straight into a No Contact as this is not healthy behavior to let you wait on him until he is ready to speak with you. Even if he is busy it is unfair to keep you waiting and wondering about what it is that “didnt sit well with him”. Show him you are not waiting around for him by subtly posting things that you are up to with your child and friends etc.

Sally

November 13, 2019 at 2:15 pm

Hi there,

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. He’s 27/I’m 30. A few months ago I was getting super frustrated in the fact I knew I cared but I didn’t know he did. I was really drunk one night and told him I loved him and he responded with you do oooo and kissed me which is he way of just not responding. I talked to him a few days later about it and he said he wants to say it when he’s ready and he’s just not and it’s not fair that I’m upset about it. I said that I am not upset about that but wondering if we would ever get there and he said he cares about me and the releashionship a lot a lot. I told him I need some time and I am going to try not to pull away but I’m nervous. Since then we have been Not spending as much time been arguing about the fact that he plans so much time with his friends and includes me but doesn’t plan time with me. He says he enjoys spending time with me and he says he always has fun with me but I feel very unsure about all of this. I care about him a lot but I’m getting so nervous about the unknown and his distantness I’ve been thinking about breaking up and I have a feeling he’s been thinking about it. I’m not sure what to do at this point! Should I ask him if he’s thinking about this?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 13, 2019 at 10:48 pm

Hi Sally, so when you are in a relationship you need to consider how he didn’t end things after you told him you loved him, you however are almost putting pressure on him to tell you something he isn’t ready to say. If you want him to come back to you, then you need to live your own life and be with your own friends. Match his efforts almost so that he can actually come to you when he is missing you. When you are dating you need to give them something to miss still. Do some reading about what the Ungettable girl is and do the work that is required for you to reach that level

Drew

October 18, 2019 at 10:51 am

Hi! Me and my boyfriend have been on a break for the past month and a half and we’re getting together to “discuss our fate” in a few days. I brought the break up but he was the one who ultimately decided what was best and it was way harder for me than I could’ve imagined. Our relationship was very healthy and happy and we have been talking a lot during this break and have seen eachother twice and everything is still very nice for the most part. The reason for the break is because we have been together for almost 3 years and neither of us have been with other people. I was on a volunteer trip in Bali this summer where I met so many awesome people around the world and he started a new job where he met so many new awesome people as well so I think it just opened both of our eyes to all the things that could be out there. However I’ve realized that in any relationship there could be other things but I’m not rlly interested in pursuing anyone else and I’m realizing that I took the relationship for granted. I’m hoping we get back together and he knows that but the last time it was discussed he said that he wasn’t leaning either way and was still processing but he promised to keep an open mind when we see eachother to figure things out. I know our relationship was a good one and we were good together and I’m wondering if you have any advice for me when I see him in a few days?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 20, 2019 at 7:55 pm

So the advice would be to remain emotionally stable but be honest. Look amazing and smell amazing. Be happy smile and confident as you can. Do not beg him to stay with you or be with you if the answer is no accept it gracefully leave and go into a NC immediately

Cherry

October 17, 2019 at 8:15 am

Hi. My long-distance boyfriend sent me a long hurtful message five days ago saying he wants to break up with me. I called him right away and begged him to give me another chance. I asked him if he still loves me and he said yes. We were on the phone for almost two hours with him saying he’s “tapped out”. I believe it’s coming from how we fight and I will admit I have to work on some things. Before hanging up he said he will think about it. The next day I asked if he has time to talk then he said he needed more time to himself. I have a ticket to fly over to visit him tomorrow because the ticket was bought before this happened and he was very excited for me to visit until that night. We haven’t communicated for four days. It’s been radio-silence because right after I found your website I’m trying to give him space. He knows I will be going on Friday but he hasn’t said anything. I heard from a friend that he knows I will want to talk in person and so he’s open to that. But I’m wondering if I should go or postpone my visit? Since this is long-distance I want to be there in person to talk but I also feel like time will help him think more clearly and he might change his mind since he’s still thinking. I have only 20hours to change my flight without losing my money so I hope I will hear from you soon!! Thank you so much for your time.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 20, 2019 at 9:41 pm

Hi Cherry, I would postpone the visit until your NC is completed and gives you both some time to work on yourselves and work on being the best version of yourself before getting back in touch and rebuilding your connection with your ex

Mallina

October 11, 2019 at 7:37 pm

Hi,
I love my boyfriend very much, i knew he was the person i wanted to spend the rest of my life with shortly after we started dating. He once shared the same feelings. We’ve known eachother for over a year already and this is our 2nd go around at trying to make things work. I know he cares about me very much but i am going through a lot of personal issues and not treating him right sometimes. I feel like ive hurt him to the point where he is afraid to communicate with me. I feel like i tried to hard to make things better and almost force things to happen. These past few days we keep going back and forth on splitting up. He’s ready to stop trying and i ask him to give me more time to make myself better. We spend too much time together and i feel like thats whats causing a lot of our problems. We do live together. Its hard to let go and agree to break up with him because i feel deep down its just a rough patch and if i can be better to him he can fall back in love with me. Do you have any advice for salvaging this relationship when its so fragile and holding on by a thread? Thank you!!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 11, 2019 at 7:59 pm

Hi Mallina, so you need to learn how to communicate without blaming, or arguing and also not shutting him out. Explain to him your feelings about what youre going through and tell him directly it isnt his fault. If he is willing to work on things with you tell him you are willing to go to therapy if its needed to deal with your personal problems that is going to take a toll on him and he will walk away. While you are still together try to do fun and interesting things where you are easy to be around smiling happy and holding hands. Just try to remove the pressure from your relationship

Tina

October 8, 2019 at 1:50 am

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year and he proposed to me a few months ago. Lately we’ve been arguing a lot more. I’ve seen some things that have made me suspicious that he’s lossing feelings, such as telling his friend that he kicked me out of our place because he got sick of me, which never actually happened. I was away at my families at this time. Apparently he went clubbing with his friend and planned to go home with random people for a place to stay. I have no problem with this but for some reason he told me that he was home the whole time I was away. I approached this by simply asking if he was happy and still wanted to be together, which he seems to be adament that he is. I try to stay away from his phone now as I don’t want to invade his privacy. But it made me think that he might be considering breaking up, so recently I searched how to know when a relationship is over, he grabbed my phone and saw this as he was suspicious that I was talking to someone. Now he thinks that I want to break up with him which isn’t the case. I can’t seem to approach the subject without him getting angry and defensive. I’m not sure how to resolve the situation.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 9, 2019 at 10:14 pm

Hi Tina, so you need to catch him in a good mood or do something good with him and approach the subject about being more open communication in the relationship and keep it calm as you can.

Grace

September 29, 2019 at 12:18 pm

Hey, dear EBR team members, my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, but we have just lived together for half of year, I’m 25 years old, and he is 36, so there is a huge age gap between us, which also have been worring me sicne the very beginning we started, I am so desperate that I can’t give him any support financially and spiritually because of this gap. I get angry quick and have been told him like 6 or 7 times that I was gonna move out once we fight, but I was still back to him everytime when anger was gone, I like him too much. But after several time, he told me that he has lost trust towards me. What is worse, I had broken things for 4 times when we fighted recently, he is totally lost his patience now, he told me seriously that he wants to break up with me several days ago, I agreed first beacuse I was trying to keep my diginity, but I can’t carry on just like this, so I sent him messsages that I miss him so much…want him back, and told him to give me another chance, then he said he needs some space and time to rethink about it. I was so desperate that morning when he was leaving, I told him I didn.t want to wait for his answer, let us end it, and I told him I deleted all his contacts, but actually I didn’t , he was so angry when he heard this and left. I sent him messeges again to apologize and told him again that give me one more chance, I also called him, but not even a single reply from him. I really can see and can feel that he is leaving me for good. I know I should move on and just wait, but feel so regret that I screwed up the relationship and hate myself feeling so poor and desperate, two years, I have been afraid of losing him, and now he is telling me that he is not happy and feel lonely to be with me, which hurts me a lot when I heard he saying this.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 29, 2019 at 7:33 pm

Hi Grace, so the first thing you do is No Contact and stick with it too! You have created a lot of negative feelings in your ex towards you from the arguing and the breaking things etc you are going to make yourself look unstable emotionally. This needs to be rectified before you have a chance of getting him back. So look up Ungettable Girl and work on your emotional control. The breaking up with him every time you argued is not good either, as it created a toxic pattern and hes just gotten fed up with things. So it’s up to you to become stronger emotionally and learn to control yourself when something upsets you or gets you angry.

Alexxis Dominique Brown

September 20, 2019 at 1:41 pm

my boyfriend and i have dated for six months we both come from past toxic relationships. he gets angry very quick and i have really bad anxiety and we both choose to not talk about a lot because of being afraid to push the other and we had a bad week of arguments and my anxiety decided to show up last night and we had an argument and he said he needed some time to himself about our relationship but yet he didn’t pack anything but his school stuff. i know we are both at fault and i’ve becoming to realizing a lot of it is is just having to be brutally honest when things come no matter what. i know we struggle with talking. what do i do in this time that he doesn’t want to be near me? what do i say to him about knowing i have to work on talking to him so my anxiety doesn’t so this without coming out about how he has stuff to work on to? do i say i’m sorry and any of this while he’s away or do i wait?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 21, 2019 at 5:35 pm

Hi Alexxis, so at this moment in time you cant change his mind about wanting the space, so let him have that chance to see how he feels and maybe miss you. While your apart make sure you do things with your friends and be social. Dont send any emotional messages or begging messages. Emotional control is key right now.

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