6 Signs That Prove Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship (And What To Do With Them)

2,942 thoughts on “Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship (The Definitive Guide)”

Mindy

September 28, 2013 at 9:08 pm

I got hard core dumped after two years. We were totally talking marriage. We’re older, (40 and 42) so we each have baggage and issues. But over all it was really good we each flat like this was it. Looong story short, he dumped me by just never speaking to me or acknowledging me at all. If looks cold kill. We work at the same place so…awkward. He did his absolute best to make it VERY clear to he world at large that he does not like me at all anymore.. Even blocked me from Facebook. Now after a month he’s in a rebound relationship with the girl who works right next to me every day. We have only briefly talked once and he told me he doesn’t want to be friends or have anything to do with me. No reason of course. But I have to speak w him occasionally because of business. But there has been absolutely no personal contact at all. But we are around each other quite a bit. Neither one of us can quit and working with this girl every day is….difficult. But I’ve done the whole “I don’t care I’m an adult, it’s all good, I’m super cheerful thing. It’s been almost 2 months. It feels like he is deliberately doing things as cruel and as mean as he can. Why and now what?

admin

September 30, 2013 at 12:20 am

Just curious what is the difference between hardcore dumped and regular dumped?

Sounds to me like at his age he still doesn’t know how to handle a breakup.
Mindy

September 30, 2013 at 5:37 am

Just a figure of speech. It was completely out of the blue. I’m doing as much total avoidance as possible but what is my next step? Wait and watch?. And yes he clearly has no idea how a grown up behaves in a break up. He’s in the punish me for something only he knows stage I guess.

Thank you for responding though.
admin

October 1, 2013 at 1:56 am

Your next set is to wait but instead of watching I would improve.

So, wait and improve yourself!

jessy

September 28, 2013 at 3:03 pm

Hello,
Im 27 years old and ive been in a relationship of 1.5 years, 5 months out of it we were engaged. He had broken up with me 6 months ago for some childish reasons that werent reasonable to me and i explained it he just got cold feet. During the firsf months of break up i mostly was trying to convince him to get back, i used to text him,initiate meetings with him,emails etc… he would co oporate but non of his had made us to come back together. After 5 months i decided to leave my job as we used to work together and move ti another city.. he knew about it and was deadly weeping and crying that im leaving, crying that he cant live without me,that he loves me… but actually doing nothing to get us back together and pushing me away.. i left job and did email him and text him here and there. Never really could do the nc
thing.. after almost a month and a half i surprised him at an early morning at hia job place.. i couldnt take it anymore as i felt im losing the love of my life while knowing he loves me too but too caward to do anything.about it. It lead to the fact that he came to my place and we made love.. the other day i knew he was about to leave to a vacation alone and i thought that we had good chances now to get together after 6 months… he left for his vacation and we agreed to stay in touch.. fee days later i found out that he did go to a vacation but with another girl he probably knew 4 months ago.. i immidiately sent him and email filled with rough words and curses.. it really hurt me that he lied to me and said hes leaving alone while he was having this rebound! I also sent the rebound an email and told her about ua making love a day before their flight and told her to watch out of him as hes a lier.. after thus he told me not to contact him ever again and that hes moving on. After few daya i sent him and email apologizing fir cursing and that i think its his right to do whatever he wants as we r not together anymore.. and now im doing the nc thing… do u think after all this mess there are still chances to get together? I lost all hope

admin

September 30, 2013 at 12:03 am

I wish I knew but I don’t. All I can tell you is that if you follow the advice on this page, this site and the E-Book you will raise your chances substantially.

Jason

September 28, 2013 at 9:10 am

Hello Admin! MY ex gf apparently started a new relationship NINE DAYS after breaking up with me and she even told me she kissed him, she probably did more… We were together for close to 3 years and 3 hours before breaking up she was telling me how much she loved me and we were in a ldr but it was never a problem before and I loved her so much and treated her great. She just got into college and even told me about the guy and she said he was just a ‘friend’. What a bunch of bull. How likely is it that this stupid decision to date him will fail and how long will it last? It burns me up inside and I still want her back. Right now im ignoring her completely though it seems she doesnt want to talk anyways but she knows im doing all this self improvement i.e. gym, martial arts, and eating healthier. Will she regret what she has done and try and get me back despite ldr? I feel like she used me all this time…

admin

September 29, 2013 at 11:46 pm

While this site is for women I noticed that you said you were in a LDR. You might want to read this article: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-complete-guide-to-getting-an-ex-boyfriend-back-in-a-long-distance-relationship/

Natalyia

September 28, 2013 at 8:10 am

Hi Chris,
I love your blogs. It’s great Information to get us on the right tract for our ex’s and if we get in a new realtiomship. I have been dating my boyfriend six months long distance (across country) the whole relationship. We have only seen eachother twice. Both times he wasn’t affectionate at all. He barley kissed me and wouldn’t have sex with me. I’m not a ugly woman. I do dress nice and take care of my body. I’m not a 10 but I’m getting there. Lol. He stated he wants to wait to respect me and to challenge himself. He sad I was beautiful and cried when I left. In the past month I have been emotional because I want settle down with him and take to the next level which he was fine with. Then his mother moved in and he takes care of her . He makes her dinner , does all the laundry and takes her shopping , works extra to pay all her bills because his father passed. Which I respect. I love him dearly. I just feel he has no time for me and ignores my text messages and calls. We don’t even Skype or face time anymore. I feel he tells me he loves me or misses me when it’s convenient. So I told him we need a break. He agreed and said that will help see where we stand. He said loves me and always will. I said why, can’t you show me then . Then he made plans for me to go see him next month? I need your advise? Do you think he met someone else? I know I can be a little dramatic and emotional and clingy. I guess I feel at 33 and single mom I want to settle down. I have had NC for three days. I love and miss him. I just want to make it work and not come across clingy but a best friend and a lover for him. Thank you for your help.

admin

September 29, 2013 at 11:44 pm

I think as long as you remain in NC for the full month you will not be clingy or needy.
Natalyia

September 30, 2013 at 7:41 am

What about the sexual part ? We used to talk kinky and etc . Then nothing ? He states he’s old school and he wants to respect me . Which I think is sweet? Now he doesn’t even mention sex or anything anymore . It’s not all about sex . I do have needs as well as he does. I don’t know if that’s why all the other girls broke up with him ? Or is having someone else meet his needs? I’m confused about this part in our relationship. He swears he’s attracted to me? It’s been hard not texting him. I miss him. In the NC time I have been working out. Running a mile everyday and going the gym everyday. Staying healthy. Going out with my friends and sisters. Other guys have asked me out to dinner. I just don’t feel ready yet. Thank you Chris for your help.
admin

October 1, 2013 at 1:55 am

I would actually be more worried if all he talked about was sex.
Natalyia

October 2, 2013 at 2:50 am

Hehe. Thank you Chris . 🙂
Natalyia

October 1, 2013 at 5:37 pm

Good point. Thank you Chris. 🙂 . He texted me yesterday. I didn’t text him back though. He was just asking me how i was feeling ?
admin

October 2, 2013 at 12:44 am

He is probably worried you aren’t texting him haha.
Natalyia

September 28, 2013 at 8:20 am

Also, on weekends he becomes MIA . I feel he’s very shut off lately. He doesn’t metion nothing about work, friends or our future. I will admit and tried to make him a little jealous hanging out with ex just to see if he cared and he showed no reaction just told me to be safe and have fun.

Jim

September 27, 2013 at 2:55 pm

Hello,

I am at the end of my 30 days of NC. My ex has a boyfriend at this moment (since mid August) and they are still together. During my NC, my ex has contacted me a couple of times through facebook and whatsapp. I haven’t replied his messages at all. He asked me if I blocked him on facebook and whatsapp. 1,5 weeks later (3 days ago) he told me “You found your own place to live now? Congrats!” I haven’t talked to him about that but I think he saw something from my facebook.

What am I supposed to do now? He still has a boyfriend and tomorrow I have done 30 days of NC.

Thanks!

admin

September 28, 2013 at 3:08 am

Well, contact him and start getting on good terms with him. There is no problem with recreating a little attraction while not stepping over the “line.”

Meredith

September 25, 2013 at 11:24 pm

I started dating this guys about 6 months after his divorce. It was a nasty divorce and I made sure he went out with other girls before he started dating me. Anyway things we’re going great we were having fun hanging out all the time. He talked to me about his family friends goals future etc. He told me I was becoming one of his best friends and then he told me he thought he was falling in love with me. He even said that he thought there were no more good girls out there and then he met me. He said i was someone he could see him self settling down with. Well about a week later after that. He started becoming distant. So I called him out on it. I asked him if was still attracted to me and if he wasn’t then we should just end it now and give each other a clean break. We talked and he said that he was just feeling like we were moving to fast. ( let me point out it was his idea to take me to his family cook out.) I told him that since we were adults, he should of just came to me and I would of just given him his space. That I understood that sometimes people need time alone or time with their friends. He even cried and said that he was not use to a girl treating him like this and not screaming and yelling at him. Well not even a week later he broke up with me via text and within two days was in a relationship with someone else. I asked him if he could just drop my stop off in the mail box sense he lives 12 minutes from house. It’s been almost two week now. I have not contacted him, deleted him and his friends on facebook, and have been trying to move on with my life. The thing is I still want/miss him. So is she just a rebound? I mean the girl gets around alot. She has a reputation of being very very easy. And I still haven’t gotten my stuff. Why hasn’t he given me my stuff back

admin

September 26, 2013 at 3:31 am

Meredith,

I am going to be honest with you. I think he is going through a rebound phase. I mean, this soon after his divorce he is just going crazy.

Ade

September 25, 2013 at 8:14 pm

What if I was a rebound? My ex gave signs that he was interested when he was still in a relationship with his ex. They finished their 4 yrs relationship after that and he said that it was the best decision he has made in last year. Then we talked for about 2 months and then became a couple. After next 3 months he went on 2 week vacation, then I went for mine, and we haven’t seen each other for 5 weeks in total. We talked every day, texts, skype, … I felt needed 😉 Then I came back to city, and he had a very important exam to come so I decided that I will not push on meetings in this time, I also seen that he was not happy from my comeback, I asked a few times if sth is going on, but he said that it was this exam. I knew it was not it because few months ago he had more exams and was stressed but positive… But I decided to wait and hoped for honest conversation after his exam. But after his exam he broke up with me, said he did not finally fall in love with me ;/ I was not super suprised, because I saw his eyes, sad eyes for a while, but was still sad that he did not share his feelings, doubts ;/

In the beginning of our relationship I was afraid I was a rebound + I have usually problems with trust and opening up but during vacation I decided that I want to open up for him…and then all of this happened…

So I am thinking was I a rebound? And if I was then does it have sense to try to get him back or will I always be his rebound?

admin

September 26, 2013 at 3:27 am

It does look like that doesn’t it. Well, it is entirely possible.

Sounds like distance kind of hurt you guys though.
Ade

September 26, 2013 at 8:39 pm

I know it did ;/
But I decided to fight for him. Nobody ever made me feel so good and calm inside and we really have only good memories. Plus I prefer to do that rather than sit in my room sobbing…
So I’m starting NC today 😉
I’ll keep you updated.

But, one question, my birthday is coming, as we did not left on bad terms he might write, can I write him back ‘thanks’ or better nothing?
admin

September 27, 2013 at 6:06 am

Better probably nothing.
Ade

October 24, 2013 at 2:22 pm

Why on some of your responses I cannot reply?
Bc I wish I could continue conversation form that point so it had more sense, since I don’t know if when you reply you see my previous comments…
admin

October 24, 2013 at 8:14 pm

I have no clue to be honest…
Ade

October 22, 2013 at 7:38 pm

Hello! I am on my 26th day of NC, he didn’t contact me during that time, apart from my birthsday, when I got a text message with some nice wishes.
My friend says that he wants to be single, bc since the beginning of high school he always has been with someone. At first he acted cool, but right now he acts very childish and annoying according to some friends. Can it be a sign that he actually misses sth?
admin

October 23, 2013 at 8:15 pm

It could be. BUT I say just forget all that and focus on what YOU need to do to get him back.
Ade

October 8, 2013 at 11:12 am

I am during my NC, nearly half of it, but I have met my ex on the bus station, we of course said ‘hi’ and talked a little about our courses in te university. He also asked when I have birthday, which are tomorrow, I didn’t tell him because through our relationship he never remember it correctly, and right now I have blocked this information from my facebook page, which he told me he checked (well, he actually know the date, but is not sure for 100 percent that this is it).
I hope that I don’t have to start NC again…do I?
admin

October 9, 2013 at 2:08 am

No you are completley fine! Continue on.

lost

September 24, 2013 at 6:48 am

My soldier and I have been dating for over four years. We’ve had our struggles but we have made it through them. We started dating in high school and he left for basic after maybe 4 months of dating. He then got stationed in Korea, when he came back he wanted to get married. I said we should wait until I graduate from college. He was so set on getting married. He reenlisted and got moved to a post an hour away from me, finally after four years we were close enough to see each other each weekend. Well about four months ago his father had a heart attack and past away. I knew it was going to be a struggle because he had a hard time dealing with his best friends death two years previously, which I got a lot of the blame for. He would say things like it was my fault he didn’t get to see him before he died because he was spending time with me. Well from that point on I made sure when he came home, we visited his family and friends along with mine and did what he wanted. So after his father passed we went home and I helped and stayed by his side for all of it, trying to give him the space he needed and only being there when he wanted me there. Everything was good between us, and I went back to base with him for a week after also because there was a military ball we attended (gave him something to look forward to). Well I had to go back home for my summer job. Two weeks after I left he just seemed to be pushing me away and blowing me off when I would ask to Skype. I told him to pick a time to Skype so it wasn’t me being the bad guy… he did but he didn’t stick to it… I got upset, and he just told me he was done, he wants to be alone and he is just done. Said I was the problem in his life, and told me if he needs to get over me by drinking himself to sleep he would, but he was just done. Well I thought at first this was due to his dads passing and I said fine I will give him as much space as he needs. Well maybe a week later he asks how i am… I asked why he still cared even though he left me, he said he would always care about me, and it wasn’t my fault the relationship ended and all this stuff… well maybe three weeks later he drunk texts me saying all this stuff like I was clingy, bringing up old fights, saying i smothered him (which to me is hard to understand when ur in a long distance relationship), saying he could never talk to me about things cause he thought it would upset me, and what hurt the most is him saying I caused his ptsd to act up… and if you know anything about ptsd, you shouldn’t be blaming it on other people. Anyway I ignored it for a week and later said when I get back, we can have a face to face talk about things, clarification. Because I don’t get how someone goes from saying its there fault it ended to telling u its all ur fault… and going from wanting to marry someone to three days later never wanting to talk to them. He has suggested being friends, I told him I can’t do that after the four years… Anyway he recently has been talking to this girl over fb (which clearly is public) and I texted him saying I don’t understand why you told me you wanted to be alone yet are talking to girls, i hope you are still gonna clarify things up. Well he deleted me off Facebook, big deal. lol. Well he finally got back and didn’t contact me at all minus making sure to mention he graduated from his training with a 99% saying he was excited and he thought he could tell me…I also talked to him making sure he was ok because of the crazy floods. But apparently he got back and met this girl he had been talking to and now they are officially boyfriend and girlfriend… And since i wasn’t friends with him on fb, one of his friends told me even though i didn’t care to know… well i was talking to a friend about it… the next day i get a text saying who keeps telling you about details on fb… i didn’t reply but it was like seriously why do you care if i know, and two did you think i wasn’t gonna find out??? I just don’t understand what is going on… I don’t know how to take it. I’ve loved him and everything was on the uprise since he moved closer… I don’t know if I should still hope that he will one day come back… I am trying to stay positive, while I am trying to focus on me and see other people and do things for myself. It isn’t easy but each day I think I’m making progress. I am just so confused about it all and so hurt from someone I thought wanted to marry me…someone who told me if he ever lost me he wouldn’t know what to do with himself

admin

September 25, 2013 at 12:44 am

I have a question for you. Before I tell you anything what is your goal? Do you want him back, do you want to move on? What’s the goal?
lost

September 25, 2013 at 2:11 am

Honestly, I love him… I’ve tried going on other dates, but no one is like him… he became my best friend, the person i trusted most, the person i would come home to and talk to almost every night, the person I planned my future with. He had just reenlisted to be closer to where I am, we had plans for when I got back from my job and him from his training, like getting a puppy and taking a vacation. I want him back but I would not take him back right away… he has hurt me, i trusted him and i feel like it was all a lie. I’m just so lost as to what to think… him going from giving me one reason for leaving then changing his mind so many times, now is with someone else… after giving up on us. I am told to move on… and I’ve tried but i just love him too much to just forget about him and move on to someone else…

Crystal

September 23, 2013 at 4:50 pm

What constitutes as a rebound? Immediately after the break up? A few months after the break up? After he ends things with the rebound before that? What if he’s jumping from relationship to relationship? This is his second relationship since the break up 5 months ago. We were working on things in between these relationships, or so I thought. (Het met her online.)

admin

September 24, 2013 at 2:46 am

Usually it can happen immediately after a breakup. However, I know cases where it happened a month or two after the breakup. So, I guess all of the above hahaha.

caarolina

September 23, 2013 at 1:06 pm

Hey. So I try to make my story short, I met my ex 12 years ago whilst travelling and we spend 3 days together and fell for each other instantly. Out of the short romance we created a friendship, he went back to UK I went back to Germany but we kept contact for over 10 years til we met again 2 years ago and fell in love all over again. After 7 months of flying there and back I decided to move to the Uk and from there on everything went wrong, we moved in straight together I had a hard time settling down and was very angry with him for not being financially supportive and I was stressed most of the time, cause I felt ungrounded and isolated from my previous life. 3 months ago he decided to break it off (by that time we were living together a little more than 1 year), telling me that he has to break his own heart but he needs to be with a happier person and he has spent so much time on waiting for me to get happy. I did all the begging and pleading and was miserable for 8 weeks, trying to win him back. Meanwhile we have seen each other a few times and the last few times have been really nice and we just hung out and he also said things like he misses me and that he loves me. I was being honest with him, that I still love him and that I know that we would work out but I realise that there are two that need to believe in that so I am hoping we can start to hang out and create a good friendship again and take it from there. He told me that half of him wishes that we would work out and that the next time around will be better and half of him knows why he broke up and so he is sticking to his plan of moving on. He told me that he will start to date a girl he liked and kissed before we got together and I told him I will not hold him back from dating, if he falls in love with someone else I will accept it and wish him the best. Most of the contact is initiated by me, sometimes if I keep quite for long enough he contacts me, when we are hanging out together it is great and a few days ago he came by to pick up his post and we ended up talking bout our sex life and how amazing we felt doing this and that. When he left he kissed me on the lips and hugged me, I texted him a little later that I love talking to him and he replied with a very warm text. I contacted him the next day again about really nothing urgent and then a day later I asked him if he wants to meet up this week. His reply was short but a yes til yesterday he phoned me up explaining that we should postpone meeting up, cause he feels stuck and he made a decision with breaking up with me and feels like he just gets confused when we see each other too often. I told him that I enjoy his company but I understand and will accept that for now he does want less contact. He told me that he needs to start and date and see if there is someone better for him, he wants to know what it is to be in a happy relationship and he is lonely and therefor needs to try to move on. I really do love him and I am willing to wait as long as it takes but I am just wondering what to do and what not to do next.

admin

September 24, 2013 at 2:39 am

Ok, well have you started your NC yet?
caarolina

September 24, 2013 at 3:06 pm

Hey, well more or less we had a month of me not contacting him, but he had contacted me 3 or 4 times in this month. the break up is 3 months ago so I think it would be really awkward to start no contact now, cause we have been seeing each other on our birthdays and occasionally as well. therefor I have decided, after he had cancelled our meet up not to contact him anymore, but I do not know if it makes any sense to ignore him in case he contacts me?
admin

September 25, 2013 at 1:04 am

Ok then, work on the texting portion of PRO then!

If you feel NC isn’t best for your situation.

hotstorage88

September 22, 2013 at 2:56 pm

Hye,

me n my bf have been together for 1 n half yrs, n he dumped me 2weeks ago.all the reason he gv is bcause im too dependent on him n i paid too much attention to my friends and abandon him.we never been in big fights or what not.but since the idea of breaking off with me crossed my mind,which is couple weeks before he dumped me, he started flirting with this girl,with different religion with him.he even slept with her the day after he dumped me.he even met her family..can that be considered as rebound?like he was running away from the emotional by doing things like that.

admin

September 22, 2013 at 11:21 pm

Yes, that can be considered a rebound but also a real jerk move.
hotstorage88

September 23, 2013 at 10:04 am

Real jerk move by him? Up till now all their conversations evolves around s*x techniques+kamas*tra all that, started by the new girl.. Any possibilities he will think of me anytime soon? I just started my NC today and my mind still wandering about him..so hard eh applying NCR?
admin

September 24, 2013 at 2:32 am

I think it is impossible for him to not at least thing about you haha.
hotstorage88

September 22, 2013 at 2:58 pm

credit to her side she got the same hobby with him,went to same gym evryday..which makes he see her more than me as I’m few states away from him (we are in long distance relationship).

Shaylee

September 22, 2013 at 9:05 am

My ex and I dated for four years. After the relationship we remained friends for the most part and he would still text me and want to hangout and then we started hooking up again a couple times and I had a feeling it wasn’t going anywhere so I told him it should stop cause I need to move on and sleeping with him won’t help me do so. Three days later I saw a picture if him with another girl and asked him who she was and he told me it didn’t matter cause we were broken up and hung up on me. I posted I was upset about it on Facebook and my friend indirectly threatened him and then the next day his mom contacted me cause he told her about it and all kinda if drama busted out. I deleted him off Facebook just cause I was mad over how far he took it as to getting his mom involved. He then a week later blocked me on Facebook and I then contacted him to try to settle the drama cause I didn’t want to be on bad terms with him. He then ignored me. I met with his mom and she told me they were seeing each other and that he really likes her and they talk everyday. Two weeks after them meeting they started dating officially. We dated for four years on and off but more in than off we are each other’s first love as well. We were not picture Perfect when he broke up with me he told me it was cause he was no longer happy with me due to how much we kept fighting and that he lost faith in our relationship. If he’s only known this girl for two weeks and is dating her would you consider it a rebound? All my friends say she looks similar to me and I wonder if he knows that and is so attracted to her? We have only been broken up for two months..

admin

September 22, 2013 at 10:59 pm

I would at this point yes. She sounds like a rebound.

Freya

September 19, 2013 at 5:51 am

Hi Chris,

I broke up with ex bf of almost 2 years, about a month ago, we both 27 yrs old known each other since high school and now he’s in relationship with this new girl – he even went to cinema with this girl less than 2 wks after we broke up 🙁 We were pretty much on-off couple, before this we already broke up twice, but he was the one who always wanted to get back together. And sometimes during those “break up” times he went on a date with the same girl he’s with now. He admitted that to me.

We broke up because he said he doubt about our future together although basically I know it was all about his family disagreement of our relationship [strong asian family background]. And I had this feeling that he was about to end it anyway but no guts to do so and he guided me to make the decision and he already contact that girl again considered how fast he moved on and went on a date with her.

Until today we had NC at all and the worst is we’re working in the same department so we see each other pretty much everyday. My question is – Is he in rebound relationship? Because I tried my best to appear “normal” in front of him but sometimes he really gets into my nerves with showing off on his social media pages about their date etc etc.

Most of the times he tries catch my attention but I just kinda ignore it. It hurts me still. Why he does that while he’s dating this new girl?

I am still devastated and trying to accept the fact that we are not going back together ever again but I still love him. To see him everyday is not helping me to heal.

Thanks in advance!! 🙂

admin

September 20, 2013 at 6:50 pm

How long has he been dating this new girl?

Also, this site can help you get your boyfriend back (improve your chances at least.) Also, the E-Book is good for that too.
Freya

September 24, 2013 at 8:02 am

Thanks for the reply.. I would say he’s been dating this girl for a month. Because right after we broke up, he starts to going out with her..

So do you think he’s still in a rebound relationship?
admin

September 25, 2013 at 12:43 am

Yea, it seems likely.
Freya

September 26, 2013 at 10:56 am

Thank youuuu! 🙂
I know it’s weird but I feel so much better LOL 😀
admin

September 27, 2013 at 5:37 am

Glad you are feeling better. 🙂

Rob

September 18, 2013 at 3:02 am

My ex and I went out for a total of 4 dates over a 2 month long time period, due to our conflicting work schedules. I am deeply in love with him, even so much to hope that he is happy. Before he mentioned a no contact rule, he told me was in a 5 month long relationship with a friend around the 6th months that we parted. All I can do is wish him luck and happiness, but I do want him back.

admin

September 19, 2013 at 1:34 am

So let me get this straight he was already dating someone else while he was with you?

livi lost

September 17, 2013 at 7:05 am

long story short I was in a 4 yr relationship with a guy I thought was the love of my life 1 and a half of that he was out of state for work while h was here I was prego when he left ppl started stressing me out I lost our daughter April of ’09 I was histerical we were on the phone with me when I came to because of the stress and angziety I was sedated he kept saying that God didn’t want us to have that child yet (I have a son from a previous relationship that the father is not at all involved in his life) we took a break last November he calls me to tell me he has gotten married I later come to find photos of him his wife and 6 month old daughter ( this happened in Jan ) call photos he knows I love him but since the call in December there has been no contact other then his close friend asking how I am holding up ( something tells me that it’s him asking the friend to ask about me but idk all I do know is that I’m hurting with all the unanswered everything Q’s doubts my son called him daddy idk what to do please help asp

admin

September 18, 2013 at 2:56 am

Have you started NC yet?
livi lost

September 18, 2013 at 5:16 pm

nc??
admin

September 19, 2013 at 2:02 am

Yes it is called the no contact rule. I talk about it a lot on the site.

Linda

September 16, 2013 at 7:58 pm

Hi,

We broke up after 5 years relationship in February. After 2 month he found a new girlfriend (totally different type as me). All the time he has kept contact with me, asked how I was, we also changed some very intimate messages 2 weeks ago. The problem is, he’s still seeing her. When I asked him about it, he wrote me that he still felt strong feeling to me, but wasn’t sure what he really wanted and that his feelings changed from time to time. He seems to be quite confused. What should I do? We really feel very comfortable talking to each other, but he isn’t able to do any concrete step to start our relationship again. I don’t know what he feels to the other girl as he never talks about her. Thanks for your advice.

admin

September 17, 2013 at 1:42 am

Well, generally my advice is to go NC. But I am not sure if I will be able to convince you to do that so I want you to check out this article: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-definitive-guide-to-making-your-ex-boyfriend-love-you-again/
Linda

September 17, 2013 at 8:04 am

Hi, thanks a lot. It’s a really god job what you do. I have just one more question that crossed my mind when reading your article. You wrote about unforgetable girl and stuff like this. You know I realize I have no right to compare myself to the other girl or say I’m more beautiful. But I think I’m not bad looking with quite good figure. I think my ex was really physically attracted by me. His new girl-friend is a kind of overweight girl, smoker (he hates smoking) but probably still quite self-confident. A few days ago he complimented my look but he is still rather seeing her. And it’s not the only case I know about. Can you tell me why some men prefer women who seem to be of worse qualities? I’m not perfect but I’m not psycho and didn’t do the crucial mistakes you wrote about in your article about why men lose their interest. thanks a lot. Take care.
admin

September 18, 2013 at 2:58 am

You have every right to compare yourself to the new girl. It is only human after all and if you are indeed prettier than her that will work in your favor down the road.

Taylor

September 15, 2013 at 4:35 pm

I tried posting this yesterday, but i dont think it worked for some reason. So me and my ex broke up just over a month ago after dating for a year. We basically broke up because we fought a lot. When we would fight we would always yell at each other, he’d punch walls and himself, he’d say he hates himself and that hes gonna kill himself, etc. The last couple of times before we broke up he actually took a belt and wrapped it around his neck and i had to pry it off of him. In my opinion we had a good relationship except for the fighting part. Theres much more that goes on when we fight, but thats just the jist of it. He always blames the way he acts when we fight on his anxiety and his depression. Ive told my sister and best friend about a lot of our fights and they both say that hes an emotional abuser. I mean..i wouldnt say that hes not, but i wouldnt say he is. He was my first real relationship so i dont really have anything to compare it to and i guess i dont really see what others saw and how bad it was. I still love him. But we have a weird situation going on right now. Basically we broke up so he can work on getting better, then were gonna get back together in the future. I admit that i wasnt helping the situation when we would fight because id just fight back instead of babying him like i used to. I know i need to work on the way i handle fights. He says he wants to find a girl that can help him figure out how to work on his problems while in a relationship so we can get back together and make it work. I know that probably doesnt make a lot of sense to you, it doesnt even make sense to me. I dont understand why he needs to date someone else, then break up with her and get back with me? I kind of get it but why does he have to date her? Anyways, hes already found this girl. Theyve been talking since before we broke up and he obviously liked her because theyre dating now as of a couple days ago. We both agreed before we broke up that we would keep talking and have the same relationship we did. But it hasnt been going the way we planned. He says he still loves me and pours his heart out to me when we talk, even though we only talk like every couple days. Im sorry if you cant keep up with this, theres just so much to say! Ive tried NC but that lasted 2 days because he texted me telling me he was coming over to bring me the rest of my stuff and i said no..and we just started talking about how were gonna get back together again and be happy. I dont really know what im asking you here. I guess what you think about our situation and what you think is going through his mind? I just dont know what to do. I think about him constantly and i want to get back together even though we had an unhealthy relationship.

admin

September 16, 2013 at 4:16 am

For some reason that has been happening a lot and I have no idea why. I will see if I can get the comments thing to work haha.

Yea, perhaps lasting longer than 2 days would be a good start.

Magdalena

September 15, 2013 at 10:11 am

Soo, here’s my situation. I’ve been at a loss about this whole thing for a while. My ex and I were in a long-distance relationship for 3.5 years. We saw one another at least once every 2 months or so for few weeks at a time and we’d talk every single day and make sure we kept communication at a maximum level. At the end of May, he came to visit me and we were arguing over petty things–over the few months prior, tensions mounted as the distance began to wear on us both but as I planned to move to his city this October, I knew we were in the home stretch. I was tired of arguing over trivial matters and suggested we take a break until October not to see other people but to give one another space. I also made the foolish mistake of revealing to him that I had a crush on my boss and he was convinced I had cheated on him after finding ‘evidence’ (I did have sex with another man during our relationship, but I was date raped in January and neglected to tell him until after we broke up, which just adds another layer of stupid drama). I ended up kicking him out of my apartment after I discovered he had been confiding in another girl (a mere acquaintance from high school) recently about the trials of our relationship, a move which I immediately regretted. He went back home and I didn’t try to contact him until a week later, when he told me (with strong regret in his voice) that he had not only resumed drinking after nearly a year without but had hooked up and been hanging out with the aforementioned girl since 2 days after our breakup. He told me he loved me and wanted to be with me but was confused. We continued to talk for about 2 weeks, our conversations always the same, with us both basically lamenting the end of our relationship and with me trying desperately to save it. I knew he was still spending time with the girl but he specifically told me on multiple occasions ‘I just know I’m not going to end up with her.’ After those 2 weeks I went to where he lives on vacation with my friends and he and I spent a wonderful day together in which we exchanged gifts, spent time at the beach, had lunch and dinner and went to a party with my friends. The next day before I went home he texted me and said that he’d appreciate if I didn’t post any pictures of us online. I hadn’t taken any, but I knew his motive. When I got home he told me he wasn’t going to see her again but sure enough, over the next 2 days there were pictures of THEM together online. A few days later they were officially ‘in a relationship’ on Facebook. He told me he still wanted to be friends (btw, we were not only romantically involved, but we were BEST friends and had every interest in common and has spoken seriously about marriage, children etc.) but that I should take time to get over it. After a week or so of pure misery I decided I truly missed my best friend and I tried to text him something funny, but he flipped and begged me not to text him anymore. So, I didn’t. About a month ago I learned through a mutual friend that she has moved in to his parents’ house with him (also, he and I are 22 and 24 respectively. I’m assuming she’s around his age but she has a 3-year-old son who spends most of his time with her ex, his father). I tried reaching out to him through text to invite them both to my birthday party which was held in his city (I’d been planning it for months) and she responded angrily, telling me to leave them both alone. I also learned through a mutual friend that SHE TOLD him he could never be friends with me. He seems happy–at least externally, from what I’ve seen. It’s also worth noting that this girl is pretty much my polar opposite inside and out–she wears tons of makeup and hair extensions and things like that and I don’t, she takes a LOT of pictures of herself dresses in provocative clothing (which he’d disapprove of in me), she’s constantly drinking (he hated when I’d drink), she has a SON, she’s an overall hateful person whereas I’m compassionate and understanding, she likes led zeppelin (lol silly I know, but the two of us were staunchly anti-zeppelin), she has no discerning talents besides being a ‘freelance model’ (I play guitar and would always help him out to learn solos of songs his band was covering), she isn’t very intelligent… The list goes on and on. I tried reaching out to him just a few days ago on facebook–I had noticed he unblocked me after having me blocked for months so I sent him a message saying ‘I miss my best friend.’ He replied with, just yesterday, ‘I miss you, don’t write me back.’ I’m so confused. I do want us to be friends and honestly I thought I’d moved on but I’m still very much in love with him and having a hard time letting go of the dreams we had of the future and our lives and our future children and everything. At this point, ANY insight would be much appreciated.

admin

September 16, 2013 at 4:04 am

Before I do or say anything have you read my LDR article?
Magdalena

September 16, 2013 at 8:00 am

Gah one more thing – I accidentally reversed our ages; in 22 and he’s 24 haha
Magdalena

September 16, 2013 at 4:48 am

I just read it – not sure how I missed that one initially! So what I gather is that I should implement no contact once again and perhaps I made a mistake by sending a text inviting he and his latest to my birthday party rather than something more subtle. The problem is that his girlfriend adds a layer of difficulty to all this because she is very controlling over his actions and wants him to have nothing to so with me (funny how I can be intimidating from 500 miles away). What scares me is that he has her to distract him so there’s a chance he may not even notice my not contacting him.
admin

September 17, 2013 at 12:53 am

I would still do NC b/c there are benefits for you as well.

And a controlling new gf is good news b/c eventually he will get fed up with that.
Magdalena

September 16, 2013 at 5:51 am

Ooh, I also just read your article on how to get your ex back if he has a girlfriend. I’ve pretty much followed the guidelines; I’ve had nothing bad to say about his girlfriend (to him or publicly at all) though I do have the problem of comparing us even today. Another interesting dimension is that before we officially met in person after a year of talking on the phone and online (we had what you’d label an Internet To Person LDR), I had gotten back with my ex and kind of broke his heart.. This was April of 2009. We met in November 2009 and officially began dating that December.

Michael

September 15, 2013 at 7:16 am

Hey… I really need your help I’m actually not a girl thinking her ex is possibly in a rebound relationship I’m a dude thinking his ex might be in one. So idk if you can help me but I hope so… Okay so me and my ex were having problems that started because I was at times to clingy and controlling… I admit my mistakes but it was difficult changing when we were arguing. Okay so she nded things and still says she loves me… but here’s the catch.. she told me she was going to give us another chance but sh wanted to start over and slowly… but then now I’m pushed to the side and only after a week or so she’s now in a relationship with a friend of hers and she told me she really likes him she even said she sees a future with him. Idk if that’s thr truth or if she’s just trying to get back to me. I guess were still friends and such but I made it clear she means way more to me then that. After all we did date a year and 6 months. And I would just love to know if even if she’s dating one of her good guy friends whether she’s more than likely just in a rebound relationship or not… 🙁 please help!

admin

September 16, 2013 at 4:00 am

I say wait a little while because it does have signs of being a rebound.

Try NC!
Michael

September 17, 2013 at 3:35 am

Thank you very much for the help… she said she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore… and has now blocked me on facebook. I told her we should enter NC but she took it the wrong way… now I’m afraid I’ve lost her forever… I don’t know what to do. Knowing she’s with someone else is really making me upset. Especially after she keeps saying things about him and telling me she really likes him and can see a future. Ugh!! 🙁
admin

September 18, 2013 at 2:53 am

Yea, you don’t tell her you just do it hahaha.

It’s ok though, still do NC anyways.
Michael

September 19, 2013 at 12:35 pm

How long is it gonna take her to realise who she left… and for her to miss me..
admin

September 20, 2013 at 6:55 pm

It might take a while. I am going to write an article about how long it will take to get them back. So, you might just want to stay tuned for that.
Michael

September 18, 2013 at 3:49 am

I mean do I have a good chance..? I haven’t spoken to her at all for two days now and it just doesn’t seem to matter. I mean is she missing me and just doesn’t want to show it or does she really not care? I’m worried. I wrote her a letter telling her I give up on communication and that I’m not happy with her decisiom but I respect it. Dont want her to think I don’t care.. this is probably the hardest thing I’ve done.
admin

September 19, 2013 at 1:40 am

I wouldn’t have written the letter honestly.

However, stick to your guns for now. It is still very very early.
Michael

September 15, 2013 at 7:19 am

Oh and another thing… she’s also got pictures of eachother on fb and such… and they just went on a date and stuff and she seems so happy…
admin

September 16, 2013 at 3:59 am

Don’t let it get to you.

Sharon

September 15, 2013 at 3:24 am

We were together for 14 years. We are both in our early 30s. The last two years of the relationship I had suffered from depression and it was not easy for him. We were on the road to marriage and suddenly he said he felt too much pressure. In the last two months of our relationship he started getting closer with his coworker (she is 25) and starting becoming distant from me. He broke it off with me and I implemented NC and he contacted me a 1.5 weeks later to see how I was doing. He has been really stressed over his licensing exam and gave me some hope of reconciling. The next day he contacted me again and revealed he had been dating his coworker who broke up with her long distance boyfriend to be with him. He tells me he feels guilty about this relationship and worries about dumping her because he knows his office life will be hell. He revealed to me he did have feelings for her and he is ‘confused.’ I was hurt he was able to move on so quickly and desperately tried to sway him with every bad trick in the book. I became needy, emotional and crazy. I wrote him a letter telling him the break up was my fault and that I have taken active steps to change myself. At the end, he just said he was confused and stressed over his exam. I told him my letter was my last attempt to save the relationship and that I will back off. His license exam is next week. He said for me to give him 2 weeks to figure his emotions out. I know I am at an unfair advantage because he sees his coworker everyday. He said that if the coworker wasn’t in the picture he would give us another try, but since there is someone else in the picture it complicates things for him. Should I just let the relationship with his coworker play out and back out? Any advice?

admin

September 16, 2013 at 3:50 am

14 YEARS!

Wow, color me impressed.

My advice is not going to be what you want to hear but I honestly believe it will give you your best shot. Do the No Contact Rule and stick by it for the full 30 days.
Sharon

September 16, 2013 at 5:30 am

I did call him today and told him I was embarrassed and ashamed at how I acted this past week. I told him that I accept his decision about the break up and good luck with his exam. He called me back and I picked up (IDIOT I KNOW!) and he made stupid small talk about me taking care of myself and we hung up.

I am starting my 30 days now. I will update you.
admin

September 17, 2013 at 12:57 am

Yes, keep me updated.
Sharon

October 21, 2013 at 7:41 pm

Another update…
We met up again for a quick dinner 5 days after our initial 30 days NC breakfast meeting. He gave me the impression that he would break it off with the coworker girlfriend but it didn’t happen. He also didn’t tell the coworker we were having dinner together. We did kiss in the car when he dropped me off and he felt guilty and confused. He did say he still had feelings for me. 2 days after that we had lunch together and absolutely nothing was resolved. All I hear are excuses and how he is focused on his career and is worried about hurting the coworker and ruining his reputation at work. It is frustrating because all I hear are words of hope for our relationship from him but absolutely no action. He tells me how he wants me to be patient and he wishes he would have done things differently. Our conversations now consist mostly of him complaining about the coworker and her “young ways” and how he won’t make a decision which are starting to reignite arguments. He gets easily angered by the pressure and tells me its unfair for me to wait for him but he doesn’t want me to cut him out completely. He just keeps flip flopping and its obvious he doesn’t know what he wants. He did tell me that if I had not contacted him after my freeze out period he was never going to contact me but he did miss me during my last week of NC. He has just left me in limbo waiting for him to decide.
admin

October 22, 2013 at 2:23 am

Well, what did you do to get him chasing you again? Anything specific?
Sharon

November 25, 2013 at 7:44 pm

Its been over 3 months since our break up. He is still with the coworker girlfriend who he started dating a week after we broke up. Did 30 days NC and he has been calling me regularly and we went out to eat several times behind his new gf’s back. We hold hands and kiss but no sex. He expresses to me he wants to break up with her since we started talking but STILL hasn’t found the right moment and says that it is a “process.” His excuse is still the ‘awkward at work’ thing. He goes to church with her now (he was never religious before) and hangs out with her friends (he never wanted to make an effort to hang out with my friends). The gf doesn’t like that we still talk to each other and he told her that I will always be in his life.

I admit I have been pressuring him to break up with her and get into fixing our relationship when he calls. It has caused him to get angry and we end up fighting with me crying. This eats me up inside and I have no idea what to do at this point. I don’t understand why he is being such a coward and telling me all the things I want to hear, but not doing anything about it. He said he would call me the next day.. he didn’t. So, I called him instead and he picked up saying he was with the gf. He said he would call me back and it has been 3 days with no contact.

What do I do at this point?
admin

November 26, 2013 at 6:54 pm

You might need to text him..
Sharon

November 26, 2013 at 8:47 pm

Is he sidelining me as a backup plan? Maybe he is hoping I will just throw in the towel so he won’t look like the bad guy? He has left me in emotional purgatory for a month and a half. I tried really hard to be understanding at first (i.e. doormat). However, I am losing my patience.

As a guy.. what is the thinking behind this !? It is so confusing!
Sharon

December 31, 2013 at 4:16 am

In your opinion.. with my case, is it appropriate to defriend the ex on facebook or is that childish? He does not have a relationship status nor any pictures of the new girlfriend. He is seemingly hiding her like how he hid me on social media. Part of me is waiting for a picture of them together to pop up on his facebook to pull the plug and defriend. Oddly, she does not have any pictures of him on her fb either. She broke up with her long distance bf (2 years) to be with my ex. She cheated on the bf with my ex.

I have already stop following him on instagram after he started liking the new gf’s pics (she does not have any pics of him on her instagram either). His instagram also does not have any updates since I started my second round of NC.
Sharon

December 31, 2013 at 4:08 am

Your site has been really informative and I really do enjoy reading your new posts! I followed your methods and even though I did not get my ex back… I feel I gave it all I could and I can walk away with no regrets.

My update.. I am 40 days into my second round of NC (4 months post BU) which will probably go on forever until he initiates contact with me. The ex is still with the coworker gf and I have accepted it. He is not the person I thought he was and I am making steps to moving on. He has changed into a person who I do not even recognize anymore. You are right with your last comment though..I do not want to be anyone’s second choice and I do deserve better. He disrespected our 14 year relationship by rebounding a week after the BU and was probably emotionally cheating on me once she started working there (1 month prior to the BU). He treated me like absolute garbage post BU by stringing me along. I am finally thinking logically and not emotionally.
admin

November 27, 2013 at 7:19 pm

If he is I wouldn’t date him. You don’t want to be anyones second choice.
Sharon

October 14, 2013 at 10:07 pm

We had a breakfast meet up on Sunday after my 30 days NC and it went well although I was a bit guarded. He is still seeing his coworker. He complains how she is young and dumb and he doesn’t see a future with her but he does have feelings for her. He also expressed some interest in reconciling with me even though I no longer trust him (considering he did leave me for her). His main concern is that he is worried about the future of his work life. Considering the circumstances of the breakup, if we were to reconcile I would not be comfortable with him remaining friends with the coworker. I am unsure what to do at this point since I feel he may be putting me on the sidelines. He keeps giving me mixed signals because I told him to stop playing games and I am not wasting anymore of my time. I also told him that if he does not want to reconcile with me that he is dead to me. I think me disappearing from his life forever worries him the most. As of today he still comments/likes the coworker’s instagram pictures and facebook posts even though he tells me he is distancing himself from her. I am not sure what to do at this point.
admin

October 15, 2013 at 2:41 am

This article might be of interest to you: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-definitive-guide-to-making-your-ex-boyfriend-love-you-again/
Sharon

October 7, 2013 at 5:56 am

I have been very good with my NC and am nearing the end of the 30 days NC (23 days NC and 46 days post Breakup) and it has been very difficult. He has not contacted me since I started NC and I know he is still seeing the coworker from what I have heard. I am afraid of sending a text after NC as you often suggest because I may be setting myself up for another rejection. My question is- do I let the coworker relationship run its course and hope he contacts me first ?
admin

October 8, 2013 at 1:46 am

Well, that is certainly one approach. What if they date for 7 months though? Could you wait that long?
Sharon

September 15, 2013 at 3:43 am

Sorry to clarify… I was on NC for 1.5 weeks and he texted me and I did not respond. About another week later he established contact with me again and I responded. He told me initially he wanted to reconcile and then later he would tell me there is no hope because he has made his decision to go down the path he has chosen. Then he said he is confused and needs to sort his feelings out between me and his coworker. It has been 23 days since the breakup.
admin

September 16, 2013 at 3:46 am

So, I think that you should go the full 30 days first before you try anything.

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