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2,942 thoughts on “Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship (The Definitive Guide)”

  1. Chakeia

    October 22, 2013 at 5:47 am

    Me and my ex were together for three years and I have been nothing but good to him . I have him 200% of me . We even lived together for a while . I have made major sacrifices for him and rearranged my life around his. He cannot say that I wasn’t everything he needed and although we had disagreements we generally had a good relationship . Monday, I had a guy feeling that he could be taken from me and when I asked him he said stop thinking that and that he loved me and we had been together too long for that to happen .THE VERY NEXT MORNING , he told me that he didn’t feel the same and that there was someone else . In that very same week she has posted pictures on Instagram of them and he has introduced her to his mom and he even introduced her to our friends and we was his date to the fair ! He has always been kinda ruthless and egotistical and I know i am old to him . Found out that they have been talking almost a month before we broke up . I did my research on her and have heard nothing but bad things about her . I even talked to her ex boyfriend . He said that my ex doesn’t know what he is in for because she turned out to be a slut ! Is she a rebound ? If she is , why is he moving so fast with her and taking such big steps such as her meeting his family ?? We are young I’m 20 , he is 19. We were together for three years . I just found out that she just turned 17 in sept and is still in high school and me and him are in college ! Please give me some clarity and direction !!

    1. admin

      October 23, 2013 at 6:59 pm

      Well, have you implemented the NC rule?

  2. DIANNE

    October 21, 2013 at 6:18 am

    .COULD U EXPLAIN FURTHER ABOUT YOUR REBOUND TIMELINE??? IF HIS DATING IN ABOUT 1-3 MOS AFTER THE BREAK UP THUS THAT HIS IN REBOUND??? IS IT CORRECT???

    1. admin

      October 22, 2013 at 1:32 am

      1-3 months still qualifies as a rebound!

  3. Jane

    October 21, 2013 at 1:41 am

    Hi Chris!
    Does it matter WHO he rebounds with? I read your article on RR, and my BF would indeed be rebounding, however I still felt uneasy as it said NOTHING about who the rebound girl is and I think it may play a roll. Please help me out! Here is my “checklist”:
    1.How long a relationship? 2 years, broke up 6 weeks ago.
    2. How quickly? 3 weeks after breaking up
    3. Does he have good memories? Sooooo many! But towards the last 2 months it was TERRIBLE, I was being needy, and scared and stressful, so he might pick to remember those.

    Now the big one…
    4. WHO THE GIRL IS?
    She is his best friend’s little sister, and his other best friend’s cousin. Hence, they’ve known each other forever and she was always “in the group”… So I’m sure he had her “lined up” during those awful last months. I don’t think he’s playing, he LOVES these people too much, they became his only family through and through after his parents split when he was a teen.
    He’s been telling anyone who asks about our relationship that although he thinks I am a beautiful person and he appreciates me and my family, everything is just over and he is happy and hopeful with this girl.
    Parents are involved, the whole family is (they always have been). He has flown out to her city 2 hrs on plane, to visit her and her family every week. They all go together, his best friends and him, so of course EVERYONE is happy and supporting this.

    We broke up 6 weeks ago, he is with her since week 3. He is 27, I’am 25.
    We’d had NC up until last week, after we randomly (it truly was) bumped into each other at a work-related meeting in which both our companies were called in. I played it cool, was very positive and smiley and kept it short about 10 minutes, and he was very calm as well. I caught him staring one time but that was it. He wasn’t at all happy or smiley or upbeat, but he did say he was feeling a little sick as soon as we started chatting.

    I do know that when he saw me he told one of his friends during a dinner afterwards that he had seen me and I looked even more beautiful and amazing than when we were together… but that was it. Another weekend gone by, another flight with his buddies to go visit his new (rebound?) girlfriend and her family.

    Oh… I should mention they’re keeping everything secret, and I think it’s because he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. What do you think?
    Everything I know is by instagram pictures (posted by everyone but him, he hasn’t touched it) and a girlfriend of mine is wives of one of his work friends (the one he told I looked even more amazing). But they’ve never known we are close, they don’t even suspect we talk at all.
    Chris… is it a rebound? The 30 days are up… Should I text?
    Juliana

    1. admin

      October 22, 2013 at 1:21 am

      Yes, I think it is worse if he has a prior history with the person already.

      If she is a new girl then that is less threatening.

  4. Violet

    October 20, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    Hello Chris,
    I have this awful doubt.
    I’m 26 and my ex is 25. Last year he dumped his ex girlfriend after 6 years, he liked me already, and we started dating immediately (may). We officially became a couple in august. He gave me a ring, used to call me wifey, woman of his life, we started looking for a house together. We broke up one year later, last may.

    Was I a rebound?
    In case I was, is it possible to get him back?
    Note: he says I was too jealous and he hasn’t very good memories but everytime he remembers something good he starts saying “we could not work anyway”

    We kept dating from july to october.
    This week he got in a relationship with a 20 years old girl he met in august. He says she doesn’t oppresses him.
    Is she a rebound?

    1. admin

      October 20, 2013 at 9:08 pm

      You could have been! Tell me about your emotional connection with him? How long did you date him for?

    2. Violet

      October 20, 2013 at 11:47 pm

      We dated 12 months “officially”, then almost 4 months after the break up, “secretly”.
      He would get angry if I would ever doubt about his love, he said “of course I told my ex I love you, but I never told her she was the love of my life”, he used to say that I was the best one ever, that touching someone never felt so right and that no one ever supported him as I did and his family and friends would call me “his Love”.

  5. Katie

    October 20, 2013 at 6:33 am

    Hi Chris,

    I went NC with my ex for a month after he said we needed to part ways. I found out through friends that he is now in a relationship with a woman I work with whom he happened to meet through the farmer’s markets where he is employed. Seven months ago he told me that she gave him her number but he told her he had a girlfriend. He also assured me that he thought she was very unattractive and her personality annoyed him, so even if he was single he’d have zero interest.

    He broke up with me abruptly and three months later (supposedly) he was dating her. I was totally shocked because he always joked about how she looks like a man and she’s annoying. I don’t get why he’d go for someone whom he claimed to dislike and whom I work with and see every day. He didn’t tell me he was seeing anyone but I found out about them through mutual friends. I am just so confused why he would date her out of anyone. I am suspicious that he was cheating on me with her since they worked together too and he ended things with me so suddenly. His reasoning was that he needed to get control back and he didn’t have any time for a relationship. Then right away after the breakup he ended up with her and tried to keep it from me. Thoughts?

    1. admin

      October 20, 2013 at 9:01 pm

      Hmmm… how long after the breakup did it take for him to date her?

    2. Katie

      October 20, 2013 at 10:06 pm

      I’m not sure. I only found out he was in a relationship through friends. He wasn’t going to tell me. He still kept in touch with me until he said we needed to part ways a month ago but he never told me he met someone else. Our breakup was so abrupt and unexplained and he never gave me direct answers on why so I think he was cheating with her. We’ve been broken up since the end of June.

    3. admin

      October 22, 2013 at 12:59 am

      Ok, well answer this. IF he did cheat with her why would you want him back?

      Not trying to sound rude I am seriously looking out for you though.

    4. Katie

      October 27, 2013 at 7:33 am

      I dated him for a year. EVERYONE says he downgraded. Not only in the looks department, but personality too.

    5. admin

      October 27, 2013 at 10:40 pm

      Well, sooner or later he will realize it too. Sounds like a rebound to me haha.

    6. Katie

      November 1, 2013 at 8:15 am

      Here are some new details I found out since his current girl and I unfortunately work together. Out of everyone, he picks somebody I see every day to get involved with. Really?! Anyway, she’s bragging about how he and his family threw her a birthday party and made a homemade dinner and cake. Doesn’t that sound a little more serious than a rebound if she’s already spending time with his family? They’ve only been together for one or two months and we’ve only been broken up for 4 months.

    7. admin

      November 1, 2013 at 6:46 pm

      Man that is such a mean thing. I feel for you Katie I really do. Want me to come and seduce his new gf for you? Hahaha jk jk.

      Couples that go fast tend to burn out fast.

    8. Katie

      October 26, 2013 at 3:49 am

      Don’t worry, I don’t take your honesty as being rude! I actually ended up finding out that he didn’t cheat and that this girl actually pursued him after we had broken up. We’ve only been over for four months and they’ve been dating for a little over one month. I don’t understand why he would go for her when he always told me she was unattractive and annoying. He told me she liked him months ago while we were together but he assured me that even if he wasn’t with me there was no way in hell that he would ever date her. Her personality is not like his at all. Also, nothing about her and I is remotely similar so I don’t understand how he could have stayed with me for a year only to end up with someone so opposite of me. I work with her too so I don’t see why he had to pick someone I see everyday. People think she’s bossy and rude. And she is not at all attractive. I’ll admit when someone is good-looking but the fact is that she is not. I don’t know what suddenly attracted him to her but the whole thing is bizarre.

    9. admin

      October 26, 2013 at 5:53 pm

      How long did you date him again?

      If she isn’t good looking that is a good sign.

  6. chip

    October 18, 2013 at 8:53 pm

    Hi!
    My ex and I just broke up 2 weeks ago. And last week he already dated another girl that hr told me he met at the gym near his work place. He said he is seeing her because thats the only way to get out of our relationship and he can move on gast. But he hasn’t move out yet. He said he still love me but we cant not live together because we fight a lot with many differences. Hes still angry with me whenever we talk even now. I havent done 30 NC yet? Should I? Is he in a rebound relationship?

    1. admin

      October 19, 2013 at 7:54 pm

      I think 30 days NC is the way to go certainly!

      How long has he been dating the new person?

  7. Aria

    October 16, 2013 at 7:26 am

    okay so my best guy friend liked me since we became friends and after like 7 months, I decided to give him a chance and see if there was anything there. He was incredibly patient with me and waited for me. I even turned him down of 2 dates before I said yes, that is how much he wanted to be with me. We ended up getting into a relationship and everything was perfect. Except for the fact that it was summer, and with his job it was getting harder to see him but we still made it work. He also had the plan to go to australia for about a year but the fact that we were dating was stressing him out if he should go or not anymore. He then started taking his stress onto me and didn’t try as hard anymore because it made him shut down. I gave him space whenever he needed and would always let him come to me first. After a while he started ignoring me for 4 days so then I called it quits. We both still had a lot of feelings for each other. After about a week we started talking again and we just started seeing each other instead of going straight back into a relationship. From there things got better, until we both started getting jealous when other people would flirt with us. Also a little side note: he was really heartbroken in the past so he takes it slow with falling in love and is afraid of saying “I love you”. The week after we broke up, he almost said it to me but he stopped himself… he literally said “I’m already…” paused and then said something else. I never pressured him and never said it first or anything. I wanted it to go at his pace. Anyways, we still havn’t had sex at this point because we didn’t want to rush and I was a virgin. We finally did and it was perfect. When we dropped me off at home the next day, he finally told me that he loves me. I couldn’t have been happier. But then it went down hill. He was working that day, so later that evening I sent him a little flirty text but then didn’t get anything back. I just shrugged it off. The next day though, I got a phone call from my friend (mutable friend of mine and his) saying that in a couple days her cousin and him just met that day on an online dating site and they had the plan to hang out sometime that week. I was heartbroken. My friend told her cousin about me and told her to just let me and him be, but she decided not to listen. I asked her when he put the online profile up and she said just that day, so it was 2 days after us having sex. It was confusing. So confronted him about it and he flipped out on me and said that we are over. I told him it just didn’t make any sense to me and he didn’t reply. I allowed myself just one day of crying and then I had to be strong. That weekend I went out with my girlfriends for a girls night out and took some pictures and posted them. They weren’t trashy at all and just showed that I was having fun. A couple days after that, he unfriended me on facebook and proceeded to also block me. I then found out that him and our friends cousin got into a relationship just a week after mine and his official break up. It was a couple days before he unfriended me yet he didn’t put it up until he knew that I couldn’t see that it was on his profile. But I of course heard it all from our friends. This ticked me off more than anything because it just made me feel like I could just be easily replaced. But I didn’t allow myself to text him or anything about his new “relationship”. After their first week of dating (and knowing each other existed for 2 weeks), she already met his mom and step dad. I thought that was crazy fast. He just recently has been posting things about here where I can see such as instagram. I maintained the no contact rule for 37 days. Me and him interacted a bit and he told me that he is not going to australia anymore. He then decided to look at my instagram hours after our conversation and then proceeded to like a picture of mine even though he isn’t following me anymore. I’m just curious if his new relationship with this girl could be a rebound? I feel like they have taken it so fast. And she especially has felt the need to post SO many pictures of them together. I’m talking at least 50 at this point. And I also feel like she has been dealt the better hand since now he doesn’t have the pressure of australia on him and his job is only until November, so he wont have the stresses of his job either and she will have more time to spend with him than I did. I was thinking of maybe contacting him in another 2 weeks or so?

    1. admin

      October 17, 2013 at 2:10 am

      I like it! Contact him in another two weeks. Any idea what you are going to say?

    2. Aria

      October 17, 2013 at 4:55 am

      I was thinking of reminding him of a good memory we both shared and tell him that I miss our friendship. And if it’s a good response to maybe ask him to play some pool at the pub that’s right by his place? We used to always do that when we were close friends. I keep thinking to myself that she is a rebound but on the other hand he makes it seem like it isn’t and I’m a little confused

    3. admin

      October 17, 2013 at 6:25 pm

      I would say yes to the good memory and no to the “I miss you” part. Lead up to saying I miss you don’t do it all in one sitting.

    4. Aria

      October 25, 2013 at 6:49 am

      So I ended up texting him today and I didn’t get a reply. Is this bad and what should I do? another NC?

    5. admin

      October 26, 2013 at 5:13 pm

      Yup, go back into NC for about a week.

    6. Aria

      October 18, 2013 at 6:00 am

      okay thank you! I hope it goes well. His roommate and I have still remained great friends so I feel like it will will out good 🙂

  8. Lee

    October 16, 2013 at 12:39 am

    After 2 years of dating, my BF told me we needed to “take a break” which was completely out of the blue. He didn’t want me to give him back his house key, he is still wearing the bracelet I got him for Christmas. My hair dryer, shampoo, etc. are still at his house. He has become “friends” with a girl from his work that he is helping her on riding a motorcycle. He told me he is helping her that way and she is helping him lose weight as she is a “health nut”. The day he told me we needed a break he became very emotional when I had offered to help him with his mom when he is going to be going out of town in a couple of months. He buried his head on my shoulder and sobbed right before he left my house. He is under alot of stress and has a 20 year old daughter that is giving him trouble. I am doing the 30 day NC and have about 9 days left. Why do you think he was so emotional at my house?

    1. Lee

      October 21, 2013 at 6:02 pm

      Chris –

      If my ex is in a rebound relationship and he works with her, will it be “harder” to get him back since he sees her everyday or will it be easier because I have always heard most work related relationships rarely last?

    2. admin

      October 22, 2013 at 2:13 am

      Well, if he sees her every day that can also work against the relationship too.

    3. Lee

      October 22, 2013 at 10:36 am

      Working against which relationship? His and hers or me getting back with him?

    4. admin

      October 23, 2013 at 7:40 pm

      His And Hers!

    5. admin

      October 17, 2013 at 1:30 am

      I think he was emotional because he is stressed and knew he could take solace in you.

    6. Lee

      October 17, 2013 at 6:29 am

      Thanks for the help…I may be running into him on Saturday and if I do I will try to act “cheerful” and be nice even if he is with a girl. So if that’s what happens, will I start over with the 30 day rule again? I already have had to start over once. I planned on sending him a text next week and asking for his help/advice on buying a bike or should I just send him a text with a happy memory instead? He had been on me for the 2 years we were together to get my motorcycle endorsement, I will be getting it next week and thought that surprising him with it and asking for him to help me find a bike would maybe get him back on track. When he said we need to “take a break” is that normally an easy way out for a guy to want to break up permanently? Or do you think he really doesn’t want to break up?

    7. admin

      October 17, 2013 at 6:29 pm

      In my experience it means he is split on what to do. But it is usually not a good thing.

    8. Lee

      October 20, 2013 at 9:16 am

      So…the 30 days will be up on Thursday the 24th. I am so nervous on texting him. Even though I think he may be seeing someone else and it’s been almost a month since we have had contact, he is still thinking about me/us? I don’t want to screw up this first text. My thought was to tell him I had lunch at his favorite pizza place but I think he may be dieting now so maybe I shouldn’t use that to start with?

    9. admin

      October 20, 2013 at 9:04 pm

      Yes, I think that is a decent opener!

    10. Lee

      October 17, 2013 at 8:33 pm

      So…should I even try to send him a text after the 30 day NC rule? I’m torn on what I should do.

    11. admin

      October 18, 2013 at 6:11 pm

      Yes definitely!

  9. Confused and Upset

    October 14, 2013 at 5:24 pm

    My ex and I have been officially broken up since July. I started doing NC, during August and he tried to contact me all throughout August. I stopped on day 20 bc I heard his job was moving him across country. I slightly messed up during the meet up because I spilled my guts on my true feelings. We started talking once again. We started hanging out once a week. Normally on the weekends. I became a text gnat and a call gnat during the ladder part of Seprember early October. Last week he told me that he was talking to this girl who works for him and also lives with him and three other guy roommates. During this same conversation he proceeds to tell me how he is still in love with me and probably always will be but he is just confused. He said he guessed he was enjoying being single and was bejng selfish. Once he said this I told him that it is not confusing bc if you want to be with someone you will be with them no matter what. I told him that I would help eliminate some of the confusion and take myself out of the picture. I told him i should be a priority not an option and that i deserved better. I also calmly told him that I hoped they were happy together and that she gave him everything I was not able to. I am friends with the other girl on fb and know her but we are not close and she sent me a message the following day telling me to delete her so that I don’t get hurt by any of her postings. I did not delete her nor did i respond to the post and I have begun NC as of lAst week. I guess my question is what are your thoughts in this situation. Did he cheat on me with her, therefore causing the break up. Is she a rebound? Do you think he is confused or that’s just a lie to spare my feelings. Does he really love me or again he’s just saying these things. I never asked him questions for these responses, he offered them freely. We have been friends for almost four years and we were together for 2 and a half.this girl started working for him in May and moved into their house in Late June… I think?

    1. admin

      October 15, 2013 at 2:25 am

      Whoa now I am confused and that makes me upset ;).

      Puns aside I am really confused. Do you think you can simplify this for me it is like all over the place haha.

  10. Maria

    October 14, 2013 at 12:34 pm

    Chris, do you think it is possible that a man misses his ex, even being interested in another woman?
    He asked to be my friend, but I refused. We don’t talk for 12 days, but his birthday is in about three weeks. Should I text him “happy birthday”?
    (Sorry my English, I’m Portuguese):p

    1. admin

      October 15, 2013 at 2:05 am

      Yes, it can happen especially if he is using the other woman to not face his feelings.

    2. Maria

      October 19, 2013 at 11:09 am

      day 15 of nc – he sent a text message saying “I haven’t forgotten you”
      I don’t understand why he said that, since he is dating someone else…

    3. admin

      October 19, 2013 at 8:48 pm

      Wow no this is interesting. Maybe you are on his mind more than you thought?

  11. marcus hall

    October 13, 2013 at 10:35 am

    Hi I just got out of a four month relationship with this girl. But we have been friends for over three years. In those 4 months we really connected and had a lot of great memories. But a week ago we broke up and now week later she is in a new relationship with a guy who just moved to the arebecause of the military. She tell me its over and that I need to move on but I don’t think she has is this a rebound or do I need to just move on

    1. admin

      October 13, 2013 at 10:37 pm

      Have you tried a no contact rule yet?

    2. marcus hall

      October 14, 2013 at 6:36 am

      Ya were doing that right now

    3. marcus hall

      October 14, 2013 at 3:12 pm

      Yes at this momment we aren’t contacting each other. It has been 3 days and counting so far.

    4. Marcus Hall

      January 2, 2014 at 12:02 pm

      Come to find out when I took a step back and looked at the situation and did the nc rule I found out that not only was she stringing me on for two weeks but also she was talking to this guy while we were in a relationship. So thank you for the nc rule cause it helped me realize what kind of a person she really was.

  12. Melissa

    October 12, 2013 at 8:41 pm

    Hello, just looking for some insight on a situation I’ve been dealing with. I got back with my ex boyfriend back in July after being broken up for 3 1/2 years. He cheated on me and drew me in and out for months after we split. It was a bad and drawn out break up that lasted about 9 months. He had gotten back with his ex girlfriend whom he was with on and off for 4 years or so. He ended up having a daughter with her and they bought a house ect. So I let it go. At the end of 2012 she left him. He started seeing a girl immediately after their break up for about 6 months. We got in contact again and in July he told the other girl he needed space and we rekindled what we had started some 3 years ago. Everything was good until he started acting jealous and we would fight about things because he thought I was hiding stuff from him. Which I wasn’t. I would ask him why he would act this way when he still let the girl before me contact him and was still friends with her on Facebook and stuff. He would try and turn it around on me. He started to become distant. Not texting or wanting to hangout as much so I asked him what was up. He just said he had a lot going on (custody of his kid, losing his house and job) he said he still wanted me around but not as much. I got sick of it and we would go back and forth with being an option. Needless to say after 3 days of no contact I texted him asking how he’d been and no response. So I texted him later saying thanks for putting me in that category. He called me and again said he had a lot going on and he still wanted to work stuff out with me. By this time it was 2am and I had just gotten home. He demanded where I was and when I said a friends he just kept harping because I didn’t think it was his business. He was so angry at me. Meanwhile he has had the previous girl over but denies it. For a week he wants to talk and figure it out and is telling me he wants to be with me but he doesn’t trust me. So I drive by his house and that girls car is over at his house! I called him at 4am and he answers when she’s there. He assures me he still wants to work it out and we will talk the next day. He ditches me and says not tonight. So I drive by again and sure enough her car is there. And that’s when it started to get ugly. We have been broken up for about 3 weeks and always fighting when he isn’t ignoring my texts. He still has her over because she posts pics that are at his house. I asked him if that’s why we broke up so he could be with her and he never responded. So my question is…is he just with her because she is easy to be with? And since it got a little out of hand on both our parts is the no contact going to work? I’m just trying to figure out if he is trying to get back at me or if he has moved on

    1. admin

      October 13, 2013 at 8:50 pm

      Probably (the easier to be with bit you talked about.)

      NC I can’t gaurantee will work but I can gauarntee it will help!

  13. Sarah

    October 11, 2013 at 9:42 pm

    Hello everyone!!!
    so I have been with my ex for 6 years and we broke up in june this year because I found out he had been cheating on me. I am 21 and we were together since I was 15 so clearly this is my first boyfriend first break up first everything. it ended pretty bad physicaly even. so he stayed with her and now lives with her he has taken her to meet his family and from the looks of it seem very happy together. the bad thing of it all is they live down the street. I have not heard from him since the break up so does this sound like a rebound? or has he really moved on happily ever after and im the past?

    1. admin

      October 13, 2013 at 8:15 pm

      If he was abusing you I can’t recommend getting him back..

  14. JESSICA

    October 7, 2013 at 11:03 pm

    hi i wanted to know how would i know if this girl is my ex fiances rebound. i was dating him for 8 years living together and have two kids together. my youngest is 3 months. in august he lefted me said he was moving on because we argued to much. but the reason why we argued alot was because he would always come in late or simply ignore calls when he goes out. we were engaged and he was my first love. i admit i have been a text gnat and call gnat. this girl and him are dating immediately after break up. she stays over at his fathers house he stays over at hers. she has been around the kids. he tells me she is just a friend. she told my son im daddys gf. he now tells me its irrelevant because we not together. how do i know if she is a rebound girl?

    1. admin

      October 8, 2013 at 2:19 am

      Well, do you officially know if they are dating?

  15. Tom

    October 7, 2013 at 4:13 am

    we were in a 2 and half year relationship, after the split, we didnt really contact till one day she says she misses me, and that shes been really depressed and feeling so lonely after the split, thats when her friend introduce her to a guy and they went right into a relationship, her from some friends of hers that they are already having sex within a month period of dating, i blocked her from facebook and haven’t contacted her since

    1. admin

      October 8, 2013 at 1:38 am

      Bummer. Sorry to hear that she is sleeping with this guy. Hopefully it is a rebound.

      For now though I think NC is a good idea for you. Make her regret leaving.

    2. Tom

      October 8, 2013 at 1:47 am

      how long for the NC?
      until they break up and gradually ease my way back in slowly?

    3. admin

      October 9, 2013 at 1:29 am

      Usually you stay in NC for 30 days.

    4. Tom

      October 9, 2013 at 10:57 am

      k thanks, see u back in 30 days 🙂

  16. RB

    October 3, 2013 at 5:00 pm

    Hi Chris, I’ve been reading the posts and I had posted about how I was helping my exboyfriend with his legal problems because I work in the legal field and we were hanging out to work on his legal issues and we text daily now but he still has his girlfriend who lives about an 6 hour flight away from him (so they have a long distance rocky relationship (his words)). They started dateding weeks after he broke up with me so she is a rebound relationship and they have been together 6 months now but she moved for work 4 months ago so they basically only had 2 months together in person. Im here in his City. I’ve been waiting for him to break up with her. He hasn’t yet nor has he said he would. He told me yesterday he still has feelings for me but he is torn and the more I push him?put pressure on him, it stresses him out and makes him go away from me. I told him I deserve to be someones first choice and be with someone that wants to be with me only and adore me and be proud to call me their girlfriend and he agreed. He doesn’t want to lose what we have (which I don’t know what we have). Should I just be patient and be the happy friendly positive gal. He knows I love him still. He told me I know more about his daily life then his girlfriend. I want him back. You had told me to keep it strictly to the legal work. But what do I do now that the legal work is over. I still do my own thing and hang out with friends and be socialable. I don’t sit around and wait per say. I’m scared if I do the no contact now, out of sight, out of mind with him. HELP please. PS I also bought your ebook.

    1. admin

      October 4, 2013 at 1:09 am

      Hi!

      First off, Thanks for the purchase of the book. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.

      Well, there is most likely an expiration date on his long distance relationship.

      Patience is never a bad thing but I don’t believe in just sitting around and doing nothing. What are you doing to evolve? And maybe you can try out some sort of minimal contact.

    2. RB

      October 4, 2013 at 8:54 pm

      Hi Chris, no – “Thank You” because your advice has helped me!!!

      I started doing the “remind him of the good memories” and he told me the other day that the bad memories of our relationship are fading and he is remembering more of the good ones.

      I have been evolving since the breakup. I teach fitness classes too so I’m in shape but since the breakup I have uped teaching more classes and also working out for myself outside of the classes so I’m in even better shape and everyone is noticing. I make sure I look good when I go to the gym because we workout at the same gym. I don’t sit home and mope. I get out with my friends and socialize and I’ve been given a job promotion and also about to take a certification training for another fitness program. So I keep busy.

    3. admin

      October 5, 2013 at 4:31 am

      Wow congrats on the job promotion!

      That is so great to hear :).

      It is a really good sign if he is starting to only remember the good memories too. Hahah I bet you are giddy!

  17. Teresa

    October 1, 2013 at 11:48 am

    Hi I was dating my ex for a year, I’m 40 with kids and he’s 44 with kids. We had a great relashinship till about 5 weeks ago he ended it saying he was confused but still loved me but didn’t think he could take on the responsibility of my kids.. Anyway he was still telling his mates he loved me and was lost but now I find out he’s been in a new relashinship for three weeks, it took him 2 weeks only. She is totally different to me, opposites actually. No kids maybe late 30’s, drives a sports car instead of a family car, no responsibilities . He just told me he thinks he loves her.What? Already? Could this be a rebound relashinship, he met her through friends. He wasn’t unfaithful but so quick? This hurts and the only reason he told me(via text) was cause he got busted off a friend of mine. He has now taken her on the family holiday we had planned to go on together with all our kids. Any help or insight would be appreciated
    Thankyou

    1. admin

      October 2, 2013 at 12:33 am

      Wait he tells you that he thinks he loves her? Why would you tell an ex that?

      What have you done this far? NC rule? Texting Tactics?

  18. Kay

    October 1, 2013 at 3:38 am

    Hi,
    I had a three year relationship before and cried for two days. Two months later, I met a guy and dated him for almost two years. He recently broke up with me because of distance (which I feel is an excuse). Not until he broke up with me did I realized that I was in love with him. How? I knew from how reacted with the break up. I cried for months and am pretty depress because the whole ordeal is still pretty fresh. When the break up happened, everything seemed to get worse. He wasn’t himself. He started to ignore my texts, which drove me nuts. That’s when I started to text him like crazy because he used to be so good about reply to my texts. He says he’s a bad guy and that he’s not the same person I thought he was, but I know he isn’t like any typical guy. He’s very old-fashion and doesn’t like the whole hook up with random girls thing. I found out that he has been hanging with a girl because it helps him keep his mind off things with everything going wrong with his life, including me. I told him that I thought we were perfect and he disagreed. He said he got too comfortable in the relationship. I guess reflecting back..you see all the bad things that happened, we were together 24/7…I mean we even worked together at a bar. Though it was almost 2 years of dating, it did feel like 4 years. We didn’t really fight in the relationship, nor did we really get that jealous. I felt personality wise and the good memories, we were great together. I mean when people found out, they were so surprised because they thought we were perfect for each other. I know it’s been about 3 months since our break up so I guess the girl would be considered a rebound. Also, a lot of people told me he was extremely depressed about us for a few weeks until he met that girl. I guess I shouldn’t think about this, but do you think he needs space in order to have an “a ha! moment about me? The whole, “I miss her and love her and need to be with her”…or do you think there is no chance of having that happened? I know he said he was in love with me and a part of him always will and he knows that every time he hangs out with her, he knows it’s upsetting me. Idk I think he is very uncertain about his life and never thinks about the future. He says he’s trying to have fun…maybe he is having a upper 20’s life crisis. I know I need to move on, but it’s so difficult when the person you dated before became your best friend. I know I should cut him off, but I told him that I will always be here for him if he needed someone to talk to (with all the bad things happening in his life..family stuff). Do you agree…that if I stop talking to him completely that he would…I guess come back or I guess talk to me again? I just hate that I am completely weak around him and I just never know how he feels or think.

    1. admin

      October 1, 2013 at 11:57 pm

      I think you have to do more than just ignore him but honestly that is why I recommend the NC rule throughout this site b/c it can be super successful.

  19. Helen

    September 30, 2013 at 12:36 pm

    Hi Admin, I broke up with the father of my 3 kids a year ago after finding out he was cheating on me. The break up was horrible,I insulted him and chased him away from our house. He immediately moved in with a girl whom he was flirting with before our break-up. He is also driving this girl’s car as he is still trying in life.Ive been so angry n he’s tried showing how much he misses me but i never entertained it as i am still angry even though i still love him.A week ago, i asked that we talk. I asked if he still loves me and he said he still does but the love is fading and growing with that other girl lol. So i asked if he’s willing to have us work things out and he told me he is now not sure if he wants to be with me. He pointed out that my character isn’t what he wants and i asked if he’s never seen my character during our time together and he said some he could see but have learnt to live with them like hardly smiling and not greeting people whenever i come across them LOL. He then asked if I do love him and I told him i want it in for the kids’ sake. He told me he’s not willing to be with someone who doesnt fully love him. Apparently he’s going to his family gatherings with his gf even though he told me his mum doesn’t know his gf. Should I get counselling for me to forgive him n gain the love I had for him as he has suggested I do or just move on and forget about him?

    1. admin

      October 1, 2013 at 1:59 am

      Well that is a decision you should make for yourself. I don’t want to impede on your process.

      All I will say is this: does having him in your life improve your life or take away from it?

  20. TME

    September 29, 2013 at 7:32 pm

    Hey Chris,

    First off I would like to thank you for this site, it has been helpful putting some things into perspective. 2 weeks ago, my ex broke off our 5 month relationship (we’ve had contact since then, but I’ve restarted my NC) after a bad argument. Although he claims he loved me, during the argument he revealed that I was the rebound to his previous relationship and he is not over his ex. Hence, the reason he broke it off.

    My question is have you ever seen your framework be successful in a situation that was the rebound relationship? I’m willing to wait as long as it takes (of course working on myself in the process), but I want to know if I’m being realistic. Thanks

    1. admin

      October 1, 2013 at 1:55 am

      Plenty of times!

      Just check out the success section!

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