6 Signs That Prove Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship (And What To Do With Them)

2,942 thoughts on “Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship (The Definitive Guide)”

Chiara

August 30, 2013 at 12:48 pm

hi!really interesting…i have a question for you: i have been dating with a guy just for 3 months, i have always been afraid of commitment, i told him i wanted anything serious. I know i have been a s**t, because i left him in a rude way after a great day together. We never discussed about that, he kept on phoning me, but two weeks later he told me he had met a girl and preferred to be with her. I told him that although i loved him i was happy for him if he had someone who truly cared of him. He’s still with her after 7 months, but what does not convince me is that we see each other almost every day since we go to the same university, he does not loose the chance to make me jealous, and is jealous himself if he sees me with someone else, he seems to control me, he sees who i am with and becomes friend with my friends. But at the same time he’s seriously committed with this other girl, he left me after ONE date they’ve been together, and i know they slept together just after two weeks and he already knows her parents!!i am wondering now, is she a rebound or not?i mean, they’ve been together for so long!

admin

August 31, 2013 at 2:14 am

I think it is past rebound territory.

Cheryl

August 29, 2013 at 3:21 pm

Please help I’m so confused my ex husband and I had been together for 15 years, we have 4 children together, we had been going through quite a stressful period and had mutually decided to take some space, he moved into a new house with the help from myself and children the kids and I were going to visit each afternoon which had been mutually decided, the kids were to sleep there the weekend after he had moved in, we arrived and I was helping the kids to set their beds up things were going really well, out of no where he demanded the kids and I to leave and that I was never welcome at his place again 2 days later he arrived at my houses and demanded for it to be sold and that he didn’t care where I lived 2 days later he rang the kids and wanted them to sleep the weekend only 2 of the kids would go when the children arrived home they arrived with the news that dad has a girlfriend, this lady works with him and is going through a seperation as well. 2 months later he then decides we need to friends for the kids which I’m okay about but the last week has been real weird with him ringing me all the time for no particular reason only to try and dictate to me what I should be doing and to tell me to be happy which I am slowly getting there and he keeps telling me he is happy in his life but he is crying saying this he is also making excuses for me to have to take kids out to see him or he has to come to my house he even tried to cuddle me in front of his girlfriend which disgusted me and I said was not acceptable. I’m happy finding the real me and not ready for a relationship or anyone in my life but he keeps telling me I have to find someone cause he is happy in his. I’m so confused what does all this mean.

admin

August 29, 2013 at 6:02 pm

Man, he sounds really mean.

Maybe you can try a limited contact approach. Also, you may get something out of Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO
Cheryl

August 30, 2013 at 1:41 am

Thanks for your reply yep I think he is more than mean and just want him to leave me alone, but I will stay positive for the sake of my children thanks for letting me have a vent it made me for so much better 🙂
admin

August 31, 2013 at 2:00 am

Any time you need to vent I am here!

julie

August 28, 2013 at 1:41 pm

My ex and I Have been off and on for two years. We have had some rough spots here and there and decided to do no contact for 6 months and then see what we are up to then. The day after we decided this (2 weeks ago) he went on a date with this girl he met online, and hve been seeing her ever since. He sent me an email a couple days ago saying “yes I am seeing someone new and I will decide if i want to keep seeing her or not” and also said hes seeing a therapist to work out issues he and I had in our relationship and that he still thinks about me a lot both positive and negative but thinks we should still see other people to see how it feels and in 6 months he will call me to see how we feel then.
is this girl a rebound? why did he email me?

admin

August 29, 2013 at 3:48 am

That is kind of a d*ck move to send that email.

Oh well, it does kinda seem like a rebound doesn’t it?

Are you trying NC?
julie

August 29, 2013 at 4:12 am

yes we are trying no contact for 6 months. do you think 6 months is too long? he just posted a new album on is FB titled “summer” with some pictures of me in it from before we broke up, but then some of this new girl. two are of them cuddeling where he looks extremely drunk and one is of her drinking a martini in his tshirt that i used to where to bed. im trying not to let it bother me. Why did he include pictures of me when we arent seeing each other anymore?
admin

August 29, 2013 at 5:36 pm

Maybe you should get off Facebook for a while and I think 6 months is too long. I would condense it to 3.

keely

August 27, 2013 at 5:14 am

So its been a month with no contact rule. But I’m still very emotion and confused on my feelings. Is it bad or wrong to make the BC rule long then a month?

admin

August 28, 2013 at 3:11 am

No, some experts actually recommend it!

Christine

August 26, 2013 at 10:34 pm

Right, so first of all I think your advice on rebounds is to the point. It’s exactly my view on how a rebound works and I’m glad I found some things out of the article too. So, my story is kind of crazy and the few people who know about it just didn’t want to believe it really, but here goes nothing… My ex and I were in a relationship for a year and we were friends before the relationship for 6 months give or take. Our relationship was good initially, we argued but we had what I thought was a very intimate and good connection. We had a break after 8 months into the relationship, he was having a hard time with school so I guess he had a lot of pressure. During the break my dad was taken to court and accused for bribery (he was a Judge). My ex and I got back together and 2 months into the relationship I asked him why I didn’t go to his house anymore. He said it was because his dad had a problem with my dad’s situation at the time. His dad was giving him a hard time as it seems, even threatening him that he’d kick him out if he didn’t end the relationship with me (according to my ex). I guess my ex couldn’t take the ‘fight’ anymore so he broke up with me. He seemed devastated and I was downright pissed and sad all at the same time as you could imagine. A month after we broke up (during which we had little contact with each other) my dad died (the newspaper called it ‘no external parties were involved’ if you get what I’m trying to say). My ex called the same day and he came to the funeral and all. (By the way I was seeing someone at the time -RR yes) My ex and I started meeting again and you could say dating, he was calling me and texting me like he used to, reminding me of the good times in the relationship, he told me he never stopped loving me… It seemed to me like he wanted to get back together. A month goes by and he didn’t call me first for 2 days, and I had been meaning to ask him where all of this was going so I did, and he said we’re dating and then we see. It was unbearable really, all the wait and I was torn apart by what happened to my dad and I guess I panicked and I wrote him a letter saying we weren’t on the same level and that we should just be friends. He got all agitated and said he wanted me he just needed some time. A few days later, I met him at the clubs and he spent the night with me dancing and kissing me, then I go to the bathroom for a second and I come back and he’s kissing someone else. I was raged obviously and drunk I guess. He said she didn’t mean anything to him etc etc… From that day on there was less and less contact. It was a bit crazy the way he was acting, one week we spoke very little the next he’d spend a day texting or wanting to meet out of the blue. Until one time we almost spent a week and not even a peep from him. (Btw I spoke to a friend of his who was drunk and told me that my ex told him that he wouldn’t feel like seeing me at a club or something but he always ends up falling for me when he does- this pissed me off a little) Anyway I decided I didn’t deserve all that shit and I met him and I told him He shouldn’t be the one even deciding any of this anyway and that it was all a game to him really. He asked if we’d at least keep talking and I told him we weren’t talking to begin with so what was the point of doing it now. Now it has been almost a month since I told him this and there was a bunch of statuses and pictures with this particular girl who I’m 99.9% sure he’s dating. Would that be considered as a rebound? I’m trying to move on here, really hard. And I’ve gotten better I guess. Still, it’s not easy for me. If you have any advice of some sort or any idea if this girl is a rebound, please comment back. Thanks a lot.

admin

August 27, 2013 at 4:23 am

Hi Christine,

I am really sorry about your dad. I can’t imagine what that would be like :(.

So, I want to ask you something. What is your reasoning for wanting your ex back? What I am trying to get at here is do you think he is worth getting back?
Christine

August 27, 2013 at 1:15 pm

Many people have asked me this question & they all said he was too young and that he didn’t love me enough. He’s 18. To tell you the truth I just love him and I might be stupid to want him back but I never gave up on someone I love. Now I found that he deleted all the pictures we had together on facebook. I had deleted them exactly after the break-up. So my guess is that he doesn’t want any trouble with his future prospects. What would you say?
admin

August 28, 2013 at 3:40 am

I would say that your assumption is right.
Christine

August 28, 2013 at 4:13 pm

Do you think this is a rebound though?
admin

August 29, 2013 at 3:55 am

How long have they been together again?

Chiara

August 26, 2013 at 6:41 pm

hi!I won’t be long!I was not interested in anything serious but i started dating a guy, we have been together for three months, but i did not change my mind about commitment so i dumped him with a sms. After that we did not clarify what happened, but we kept on going out as usual for a bit. Then he dated a girl he met the day after i dumped him, and dumped me after only ONCE he dated her!i know thing between them are really fast, they are doing everything a old couple does, and they are free to do whatever!they’ve been together for 7 months now, i think they’re still together: but i am not sure that he feels real love for her. For all this months we have always been together since we’re at the same university, he often tried to make me jealous using his gf and was clearly jealous of a friend of mine which is now much closer to me. What do you think about him?time’s passed, he’s supposed not to care about me anymore, BUT he’s always there, listening to what i say and controlling who i am with

admin

August 27, 2013 at 4:08 am

He clearly cares about you. Actions speak louder than words and those are the actions of someone who cares.

Chiara

August 26, 2013 at 6:33 pm

hey!i won’t be long XD i have been dating with a guy last year, for 3 months: i did not want anything serious and dumped him with an sms, but we kept on meeting, never clarifing what happened. Then he found another girl, who he has dates for ONLY once when he was still with me!i know he ran a lot with her..the problem is we all are at the university together, so we spent lasts 7 months (the lenght of their affair)ALL together. He does believe now i am in a relationship with a friend, he’s clearly jealous and kind of stalks me: he’s always around me when i am there. I do not really know about his relation with this girl, sometimes i think she’s a rebound to forget about me, but how could it be so long? would it be different if we were not together all the day long for so many months after the break up?

admin

August 27, 2013 at 3:45 am

I wish I could give you an exact timeframe of how long he will be with the girl. The truth is, I can’t tell you b/c it is impossible to know. I can tell you that the longer they are together the less likely it is that she is a rebound.

Are you in NC?

Also, I want to recommend my E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery for you. If you determine the price is a little out of your range just contact me and I will make it affordable or in your range.

Erin

August 25, 2013 at 3:35 am

My ex is currently rebounding with a girl he goes to school with. I suspected something was up before we broke up over a month ago and he denied it then, we got in a huge argument, we broke up, and he’s still denying it now even though it’s clear as day of what’s going on. I don’t understand why he just won’t be honest to me about it? He’s clearly a loser and a jerk but I just don’t get it. Our ladt interaction I literally asked him why he couldn’t just be honest about it and he denied it vehemently again so I wished him well on his rebound relationship and his lifeand no longer plan on communicating again. At least I now know my intuition is on point and that he’s definitely in a rebound! More power to him and her if she’s that blind but she’ll find out the hard way like I did! Good riddance! I dodged a bullet!

admin

August 27, 2013 at 3:04 am

Hahaha a loser and a jerk huh. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Anja

August 22, 2013 at 8:57 am

I’m occationally texting with my ex again.
Now he’s close to a breakup with his new/rebound girlfriend. I heard from friends that he, his new gf and me share that he starts withdrawing from her because of his problems the same way he did with me(he has a huge emotional baggage)
It is said that I should watch out for trouble in their relationship to kinda support him from another side but if he is in a bad mood shouldn’t I give him space?
I really don’t know if I should text him or not.

Also, we work in the same building and usually have a group meeting once a day. I’ve noticed him staring at me a lot lately, however when I smile at him, he either turns away after half a second or just keeps staring without showing any emotion, like he’s spacing out…
What does this mean?

PS: Thank you for this site! It is amazing!!

admin

August 23, 2013 at 6:27 pm

Wow, that is kinda creepy. Just staring/spacing out. When that happens it means he has a lot on his mind and possibly a breakup with the new girlfriend is in the future. Now, I don’t want to get your hopes up but you have been doing good so far.

I would say cut all the ocassional texting with him out though. Lets kick this up a notch.

Also, I do feel compelled to mention that if you want a more in-depth study of the “get him back” process then you should check out my E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. Now, I do realize you have to pay for it but I am a pretty nice guy and I want it to be the most affordable book on the market. So, if you have an issue with the price then just email me and we can work something out! If you aren’t interested then no hard feelings.

Vinko,Kanta.

August 22, 2013 at 1:37 am

wait .. RR from all this .. information u gave my ex and i have been together 4 8 months .. he loved me *still does .. i love him but he has been chating with some girl only 2 days after our break up he kissed her .. and i broke them up after a day i kissed him back .. then he and i were having break up sex 4 2 months .. we stoped .. then about 10 d he started a relationship with her.. they are together 4 2.5 months .. 1 month he wanned to cheat with me .. i didnt wanned that..
he was the causer of break up .. he did it. he said he was bored .. it isnt working out … he said he loves my but its just that way he cept sayin if we are meant to be it will happen in distant future.. soo is this RR? He has much muuch good memories.. ? HELP

admin

August 23, 2013 at 5:47 pm

How long has he been dating the new girl?
Vinko,Kanta.

August 24, 2013 at 3:40 am

2 months , I did Nc it will be over at september .. i didnt broke NC.. just today i had to see my friend .. and my ex was with him they were drunk i just sad hi to my ex .. and ignored him .. he commented me he was happy to see me , but his and my friend later told me that he loved me very much .. and that now he is happy and in love he doesnt love her but hes in love .. he chated him not to write about me cuz his gf is at the room ..
admin

August 25, 2013 at 7:19 pm

So, your ex still has feelings for you?
Vinko,Kanta.

September 13, 2013 at 9:23 am

i asked is this is a rebound?
Im still in NC ..
admin

September 13, 2013 at 6:21 pm

It certainly has rebound signs but only time will tell.
Vinko,Kanta.

September 12, 2013 at 11:41 am

Yes , he loves me .. i know .. we crushed at eachother a week ago , i had to meet up with our friend (his and mine) .. and he was with him , we bouth looked down i said hi . he was looking at me he said same , and we smiled then he startedhes jokes from our past relationship we smiled than he checked me out and he was impresed .. we acted like we are still together then we had to go and he looked down , me too and i left with friend .. and he told me why arent we together am i crazy .. i smiled.. and told him , he has a gf , and he said , leave the gf .. you and him are perfect … but i saw his phone and my ex texed him ,, man she is awsome.. and till then nothing he is still with her , now it will be 3 months allmost ..
admin

September 13, 2013 at 3:53 am

What are you doing right now? What is your plan?

vervet

August 21, 2013 at 5:33 am

This might be complicated…..Me and my husband were together for 15 years about a year and half ago we separated. He kept flip flopping back and forth about working things out.He kept sending me mixed signals i thought it was a midlife crisis. Then in July of last year he starting seeing this 28 year old girl that used to be his second cousins girlfriend she is bad news. My husband is 48. I think she is using him for financial reasons she also has a 6 year old daughter that he says he does not like. So this year in Jan she moved in with her father in another city 3 hours away. In the mean time me and him started having sex and again he told me he would stop the divorce and try to work things out. Anyway to make a long story short he ends up divorcing me and she moves in with him and my 2 sons. He never informed my son she was moving in. They have only been living together a week and a half and i don’t want him back. But I am just curious from a mans point of view what do you think?
Also my daughter says that they had a discussion in the car and that he told my daughter that he could not stand the girlfriends little girl and then my daughter asked why did you move them in? And he replied sometimes people make mistakes…..

admin

August 22, 2013 at 1:38 am

Hahahaha WOW! Well, from the horses mouth, “sometimes people make mistakes.”

The new girl will be toast in the future I am hoping. In the meantime, I think you should go MC (minimal contact)

Mike

August 20, 2013 at 2:31 pm

Hey Chris,

Although I’m a male, I found your article interesting and encouraging. Thought you could give me a little advice in case you have enough time.

So, here’s my story:

I dated with a girl for almost 5 years straight. When we had been dating for 2,5 years she went away with a rebound, but quickly returned (within weeks) – keep in mind that I begged, pleased her for the whole time while we were apart.

Why she went away was mostly because I turned from alpha to beta. She probably lost her attraction towards me. Anyhow, we got back together and another 2,5 years was pretty good. We didn’t cheat eachother, we respected eachother etc, but 1 year ago I lost my interest in her.

I avoided meetings, I avoided moving together – I guess I was insecure and not totally sure about her since I was jobless and still in uni. However, we still had sex and we committed love to each other etc. BUT she told me that she is not happy anymore. I wasn’t putting effort in this relationship, I wasn’t working, I played xbox with my friend and she felt like I’m a lost cause while I took her for granted.

One day (1 month ago) out of blue she tells me that she doesn’t want to meet me right now. I asked what’s wrong and she said that she needs space and time blabla and I’m not changing – getting uglier (WTF? probably right because I was getting comfortable with her), I don’t have enough time for her and she feels lonely.

Well okay, she also told me that she is seeing someone else right now. I quickly went NC for a week since I wanted to clear things and see if it’s real deal or not. I also went to NC because I wanted to fully analyze myself, what went wrong, what I did wrongly, why did she lost interest in me.

After a week she started to chat with me, saying that she still has feelings for me, that she doesn’t want to lose me and maybe we can still work this out. I asked her out and things went pretty wild.

I told her that I accept her decision, I know what I did wrong and I’m starting to improve myself. She told me that she wants to move together with me in the future. When I asked when, she told me she doesn’t know. She told that it might take weeks or months before she could fully understand what she feels for me. One thing was for sure, she didn’t want to cut contact with me.

Few days after meeting she saw me with another girl. She quickly called me, cried and said that I shouldn’t be meeting other girls if I want to fix things with her. I was kinda confused… She can have a rebound and I don’t? Well whatever..

Few days went past and I wanted to show her that I actually want to fix this thing. I gave her gift, we drove around and talked about our future. At the end of the meeting I wanted straight answers (I know, I’m dumb), but I didn’t get any. She told me that she is still confused, but if I stick around/improve myself and be nice to her then we can get back together, eventually.

Okay, I listened to her and we met again once, was good, nothing too serious. She told me that she doesn’t know if she loves rebound or loves me. And I think it might be true as well since she looked kinda sincere.

I tried to play the games by her rules and invited her to a boat trip, she agreed, but also told me that I shouldn’t be doing this because her rebound guy will get mad about it.

THIS really pissed me off and I finally told her that I’m not going to play by your rules. I will date other girls, I’ll move on and she will probably won’t get me back in the future.

I know it’s dumb move, but I just had to say that before I went to NC.

Today (10th day of NC)

I’m improving myself, hitting gym, got a proper job and looking for my own apartment right now. I’m feeling like I’m finally getting mature.

However, in the inside I’m still missing her like crazy.

She have been talking to me twice on FB. Once after 4 days of NC: she told me that “So we are not going to the boat trip? Why?”

and today (10th day on NC) she told me that she is missing me. It’s basically like the first time I went NC, but this time I’ll stick to it.

NB: I haven’t answered to any of her messages!

Why I’m confused

While I read most of the dumpee threads then I noticed that the dumpers (girls) told to back off, cut contact and didn’t even bother to message you after 2-3 months of NC. They went away with rebound, made it official, showed everyone who deeeplymaadly they are in love with the rebound. But my EX is not showing it at all, in fact she is trying to hide it. Even from her best friends.

Well mine is different for sure. She is already contacting me twice?!. And I think the third time she will invite me to meet up or smth like that. What should I do?

A ) KEEP NC
B ) KEEP LC (be polite, accept her meetings, but doesn’t ask her out by myself)
C ) NONCHALANCE – the trait of remaining calm and seeming not to care; a casual lack of concern. Basically answer her questions but show NO concern or interest at all.

For some reason I think she thinks that I will be always there for her, since I was there for her when we first broke up. I cried like a kid until she came back.

The thing is, I want her back. I want to work things out and I want to show her that I’m actually not that lazy/stupid guy she is thinking about me.

About getting her back… What should I do? NC, LC or NONCHALANCE?
I’m not needy anymore, I’m not begging anymore like at first. I’m over that phase – I know it will not work eventhough it worked in the first breakup.

What would you suggest in this kind of situation? It was our first love, she broke me up right before I managed to get myself together financially.

When saw her last time she told me things that bother her:
1) I didn’t put much effort in relationship
2) I was jobless
3) It was like teenage relationship without moving forward.

For me it seems like typical GIGS, but a slightly twisted. I know what I have lost and I’m ready to fix things. I would be more than glad to move together and show her that I love her. But she is not interested anymore in this kind of stuff.

So I stick with NC and try to heal/improve myself?

What is your opinion about it?

admin

August 21, 2013 at 5:28 am

Clap for this man folks! Now, this is a true soldier.

Not only did he read and research what to do BUT he is actually IMPLEMENTING it!

Hahaha, you are doing fantastic. Keep hitting that gym and become the Alpha male that you are!

Okie doke, the first thing I think you need to do is confront your worst fear. Too many people try to push their fears down. Yes, your ex gf could get a rebound, she may not want you anymore, you may end up failing at getting her back. Once you face those fears and accept that they are all possible outcomes then you are free to really cover some ground.

If I was in your position I would work during my NC rule to face those fears, accept them and become someone that was so mentally tough to not be affected by failure. I would literally turn into someone that a girl would actively fall over herself for.

As for your creative question about staying in NC. I am tempted to say break it and go out on the date with her BUT I actually think you should stay in NC. Lets look at it from her point of view. It is probably unlikely that she will move on and go on the rebound. You have 20 more days to wait in NC and to keep improving yourself, I would rather her yearn for a text message from you.

So, stay in NC and do things on your terms. It will give you more time to get your mind prepared as well.
Allie

August 22, 2013 at 9:02 pm

Yay for Mike!! So this is for either or both Mike & Chris…is there REALLY such a thing that guys (& I guess girls, too) get known as GIGS (grass is greener syndrome)? Does a guy get so freaked out by commitment, get “bored” or take their awesome (haha) gf for granted & want to see what else is out there, only to realize that awesome girl is truly who they want…& more than jut a safety net or consolation prize? If so, what kind of time table is realistic?
admin

August 23, 2013 at 7:07 pm

Yes, one of my best friends always says he doesn’t want to marry his gf yet b/c he wants to experience other girls. He does however admit that he would always come back to his gf.
Allie

August 24, 2013 at 3:29 am

Is that a compliment or an insult to her? He wants to have his cake & eat it, too? Is he ok with her “experiencing” other men?
admin

August 25, 2013 at 7:17 pm

He is not ok with her experiencing other men. Hey, I didn’t say he was the smartest guy but he is a guy and that is just how they think.

Total double standard.

danielle

August 20, 2013 at 1:04 pm

Hi, so this is my story..
I dated my BF for 2 years, he was the kind of guy who was afraid of commitment and never had a relationship and was very shy about feelings.. but somehow i´ve made it through his heart.. everybody was shocked about how committed he was to me. Until we broke up (friendly) due to our schedules. He was really depressed and had a very hard year trying to move on, until one day he contacted me and ask me to go out and have coffee.He opened his heart and asked me to give us one more chance and said he hadn´t moved on, that he regretted ever letting me go. I had moved on by then and I said no, beacuse I thought that he had waited a long time to realize that. The thing is that during our relationship and after there was this girl that used to date one of his friends, and she started to be friendly with him. He didn´t show signs of liking her.
Anyway 4 months passed by and during that time we talked and became like friends. Until one day he asked me out, We went on a date it was great, and then another one and started seeing each other again. Then this girl started like aking a lot of plans with him and his friends and was posting him a lot of things. My ex suddenly pulled away from me.. and i gave him his space until one day I asked him what was going on.. He said he was confused and that I was very important to him and that he didn´t want to screw up things with me. I told him i respected him and that I didn´t want to be with anyone who wasn´t sure about being with me.. so that was it.. He said he didn´t want to lose me and he wanted to talk this more and that he didni´t want me to think he was a bad guy. A week after we talked and he said he wanted to give it a try anyway.. I said no because he was showing that he didn´t want to.. but he insisted so I gave him the chance.. Everything was perfect.. We even went to a birthday together and there it was THIS GIRL I talked about before, She saw us together. But two weeks after that day he asked me to talk and said he was confused and didn´t thought it was fair for both of us to be together, and that he wanted to do other things and focus on work,etc. Anyway the day before she had post something cute to him.. and after we broke up I told him that he should have told me he was confused with another girl that it wasn´t the same saying I don´t know what I want in my life than saying I want another girl.. he said that why on earth he would say something like that that he had told me the truth and that it had taken him a lot of courage to talk about his feelings with me and that I should appreciate it, and that why on earth I thought he could hurt me doing something like that?? he asked me to be friends I said i didn´t wanted to be his friend, he gave the famous speech you are the most important thing ever happened to me bla bla bla…HE was lying in my face because everyday she posts something of them doing something together.. I went NO CONTACT inmmediatly.. I mean WTF? he was lying on my face.. AND I´m like WHY?? IS she a rebound??? what should I do?

ps: I took the break up well on his face, I remained calm, and told him I accepted it and respected his decision, I stayed in control all the time, didn´t react emotionally.. In fact when i confronted him about the girl I said it coolly..

admin

August 21, 2013 at 4:32 am

You did good by remaining calm on the outside during the breakup. You really don’t know how much that actually helps your case.

Stay in NC. He lied to your face so the question is do you trust him enough to want to try to get back in a relationship with him?
Danielle

August 21, 2013 at 5:47 pm

I never trusted any other boyfriend like I trusted him. In our time together he had never lied to me, in fact all his friends always complained about how silent he was about his private life and he shared everything with me. I´m willing to forgive him, trust is built as relationships.
I´m willing to work hard for a relationship as long as the other party is interested but maybe you are right.. I deserve someone honest, and him lying and dating another girl.. well I think it´s a clear sign he is not interested.
I´m going to remain no contact until 30 days are up! (If he contacts me after 30 days maybe I´ll answer or maybe I´ll be gone for good)

thank u very much!
you really are inspiring and do a lot of good to us =)
admin

August 22, 2013 at 3:41 am

Well thank you.

Danielle, if you are interested I came out with Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO today. It might be worth your time to take a look at it. If it’s not your thing then I understand. I will still be here.

Kathryn

August 19, 2013 at 6:36 pm

Firstly, I just want to say I think it is quite impressive that you take the time to talk to each of your commenters. So many people are struggling with similar issues in hopes of finding closure or reasoning behind their ex’s actions.

I feel like my situation is fairly common, so hopefully others can gain reasoning from it. Almost exactly 2 months ago I broke off my 7 month relationship with my boyfriend. I am 23 and he is 28, and it just seemed that we were at different time of our lives so it needed to be done.

Unfortunately at the age of 28 he feels he is in a rush to marry someone (hence why I felt pressured and left). It was only a week later when I realized he was doing that online dating stuff. Now I just found out he has entered into a relationship (with the online girl).

I guess my question is, what are your thoughts about online dating and trying to force a relationship? I mean obviously that can’t be healthy. It’s just sad to see him lower his standards to a, not only, less attractive individual, but a gal who appears to be a party animal with a couple screws loose.

Thanks for your advice!

admin

August 20, 2013 at 4:34 am

For a 23 year old you sound awfully mature. You are a year younger than me (and I am not half as mature as you sound haha.)

Forcing a relationship is never good. Hahah that is a way to get a failing relationship. The new girl won’t last too long (especially if she isn’t as pretty as you.)

My two cents!
Kathryn

August 20, 2013 at 6:33 pm

Thank you, I appreciate the kind words. In all honestly I’m actually 22, I turn 23 in mid September. So even I think my age doesn’t exactly fit my personality level. haha Many years of education has helped in that department, I hope to have my Masters degree in the spring.

However, I want to touch on one last issue, if you don’t mind. And please understand, I am willing to hear both the good and bad (even if it is something I may not want to hear).

Sometimes I catch myself laughing at myself because I realize how completely bothered I am by this pervious relationship that, in reality, only lasted 7 months (granted I knew him for 2 years perviously). I see that many of your commenters have been through much longer relationships, and it is though I feel I have no business to be talking. But it just felt like our relationship during those months were so strong and sincere. He would always talk about how confident he was that I was the one for him. And don’t get me wrong, my feelings toward him were very strong, but it was always one of those issues where I simply could not go to the extreme to say, “yes, you are the one I will marry”. There were times I felt more sure than others, but I was hoping time would tell. I’ll never forget him saying to me when were eating dinner one night… “if you are still having doubts about us in the next 2 months, then it’s probably not going to work”. I just remember feeling very pressured to make a decision at that point. I didn’t want to commit to something that was just out of pressure, but I also didn’t want to throw away a relationship that may have been on it’s way to success.

He has a great family. A family in which I fell in love with before I even met my boyfriend. His dad and I played golf a lot. We happen to both be golf coaches (I coach a D1 university team, he coaches a high school varsity team). Even his dad was hoping we would work out. haha (Kinda of another added pressure as well though).

Sadly as this continued we were kinda pulling apart from each other. He would be getting discouraged, and this weighed heavy on my heart. Am I wrong for wanting him to take it slower? I realize he is 28 with a secure job, but is that really a good reason to rush it? Or am I just way too old school for this dating thing? haha

I guess those are my questions. It’s important I understand this because I don’t want to run into the same problems in my next relationship. Where do you draw the line of waiting too long, or not waiting enough? Do you have a formula for that too? hahaha

Thank you so much. I value your option.
admin

August 21, 2013 at 4:50 am

A masters at 23? That is insane. I haven’t even gotten my bachelors yet. I am still taking college classes but a really light load. Hey, at least my grades are good!

Keep in mind that a lot of those commenters with the long relationships also were in long distance relationships. So, you shouldn’t feel intimidated.

I think it all boils down to where you are at in life. He is 28 and probably feels pressure to get married and start a life. You on the other hand are in your early twenties and still want to experience life a little bit. I think that is at the core of your problems in the relationship.
Kathryn

August 21, 2013 at 6:32 am

Hahaha keep up the good grades “Mr. Admin”.

Thanks for the advise!

And sorry for the long response earlier. Now go study!
admin

August 22, 2013 at 2:25 am

No problem. And thanks!

Danielle

August 19, 2013 at 5:33 pm

Hi,
I was with my ex for around 5 months it was my shortest relationship I’ve ever had but it was also my best. We never fought, disagreed, or anything, personality we are alike in every way and no matter what we did it was always fun. He was hurt in the past bec his ex cheated on him and he got into drugs and “using” women after that. He got better, I was his fist serious relationship after all that and I helped him he always thanked me for it and for staying by his side. But I’m moving without a choice and he was the one that kept coming up with ideas on how we were going to make it work and see each other on the weekends. But then people started telling him that when I left I would find someone else, we wouldn’t ever get to see each other, or that we would grow apart. This really scared him and he broke it off. But the last thing he said to me he was crying about how he just had to keep his composure because he was afraid of falling back in “that place”. A week later I found out he was already dating again. I asked him about it and he lied saying he wasn’t even though it was obvious on twitter. Then our mutual friend said that he told him that “he didn’t know what it was about HER, that she was the perfect girl for him and that he couldn’t help it. Our friend tried telling him that he needed to tell me about her he completely ignored me being mentioned and just continued on her we’ve been apart three weeks now and I leave tomorrow I was supposed to see him to say goodbye but he blew me off and said he didn’t think it was a good idea. I said I needed closure so I can move on with my life (even though I want him back more than anything) but he said this isn’t something u need u can move on when ever you want to. And that was the last thing that was said. I’m still coming back on the weekends for family and friends but I feel like there’s nothing I can do.

admin

August 20, 2013 at 4:22 am

Go NC, what do you have to lose? You can spend time focusing and bettering yourself while he deals with this new girl (and hopefully they break up.)

nina g

August 19, 2013 at 5:12 pm

Okay, so I am pretty desperate for advice at the moment.. this might be a little long, but please reply asap.

My ex and I were together for two years all up. When we were first getting together, I was actually getting over a small crush on his friend. Eventually I started to develop strong feelings for my ex, and we started dating. I was the first girl he slept with, his first love, his best friend etc. He was an amazing boyfriend and treated me very well. A year and a half into the relationship I was going through some serious personal issues, and although it’s no excuse I treated him pretty bad. I ended the relationship, and jumped into a rebound relationship straight away. After a couple of weeks, I saw how much it was hurting him and realized that it was him that I wanted to be with, and had no idea what I was thinking by leaving him. He took me back, but a couple of months later we had been fighting a bit, and he started talking to a girl who used to be one of my close friends. I stopped being friends with this girl because a couple of years back my boyfriend at the time left me for her. so my current ex knew how much this would hurt me by talking to her. He hid it from me for a while, and when I found out I was in hysterics. He’d never seen me that hurt before, and he even started to cry and told me he would stop talking to her but I think deep down it gave him a sense of control. A couple of weeks after that we ended things. He was going away on a holiday and said we’d chat when he got back to see how things went. We ended up having a fight before he left and by the time he got back he was apparently seeing the girl I used to be friends with. He blocked me on facebook, deleted all of my friends and has now happily moved on.

It’s been about 2 months now of no contact, but last weekend he texted a photo of him and that girl kissing to my friend who he knew I was hanging out with at the time. He seems to have become really spiteful and it’s almost like he wants to see me hurt (I know it seems really immature)

I am upset, but also feel as though I kind of deserve it for what I put him through. Basically I’d like to know whether you think he’s in a rebound relationship, and whether there is any chance of us reconciling?

admin

August 20, 2013 at 4:18 am

How long has he been dating the girl for?

I am just throwing this out there but why would you want to be with someone who would act like that?

My gut tells me that the fact that he sent that means he is just using the girl.
nina g

August 20, 2013 at 5:05 am

They’ve been dating for about two months now and as hard as it’s been, I haven’t contacted him at all through out that time.
I know, I have lost respect for him because of it, but I do still love him and I guess I still see the best in him.

How long do you suggest I stay in no contact with him for? and when I do finally contact him, what approach should I take?
admin

August 21, 2013 at 4:00 am

Hmm… good question. I would say wait another month and really dial in with evolving during the NC time.
nina g

August 21, 2013 at 4:22 am

Okay, I will wait another month.

I’ve been working on improving myself by catching up with old friends, going to the gym and eating healthy, as well as having a few counseling sessions for my own personal issues. I am feeling a lot more positive about things.

Thank you for taking the time to reply, your website is definitely the most helpful that I have come across so far 🙂
admin

August 22, 2013 at 1:30 am

No problem! Oh, and keep working out at the gym and doing what you are doing. That is absolutely PERFECT!

If you are interested (I don’t know if I had already mentioned before) but I released Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO today. Think of it like a super guide to get your ex back! Hahaha so maybe thats something you can read over your month while you are waiting.
nina g

August 20, 2013 at 5:08 am

I should probably also add in the fact that we are both only 20. That could explain his immaturity at the moment.

Kat

August 19, 2013 at 12:06 pm

Me and my ex were together for 5 and a half years. We have 2 kids together. about 2 months ago he broke it off with me, we still talk of course. A week after the break up he started seeing another girl its been 2 months now and their still together and he is moving in with her. She has a kid and is married but has separated with her husband not too long before my ex n her started dating. Well he has slept with me 2 times since they have been together the first time i didnt know they were together bit the second time was only yesterday (i have no sympathy for her, she knew he was having reltionship problems with me and buttered him up so she didnt think of me) anyway i asked him why he keeps doing it to his gf and he just told me maybe thats why they wont last. I know he still has love for me i can tell by the way he kissed me and asking me if i have been sleeping with another guy. I have changed alot since we broke up i took up a course, lost weight, dyed my hair and made big changes to my house, i did it all for me. so im not the same as i was wen we dated.my point is I just want to know if thats a rebound?

admin

August 20, 2013 at 3:53 am

You should seriously try out MC.

As far as it being a rebound. If it has the signs of a rebound it most likely is. However, if it gets around the 6-8 month mark then it becomes less and less likely.

Vikki

August 18, 2013 at 3:01 pm

My ex and I were together for 3 years, living together 8 months. He accused me of cheating when I didn’t and cheated on me for payback. He’s slept with 2 other girls after me and now in a relationship. His relationship started 4 months ago, says he lives her and already moved her in, in the same apartment we shared. We been broken up a year an 5 months. Is he in a rebound relationship? Cuz he’s moving way too fast.

admin

August 19, 2013 at 3:32 am

How long has he been dating her for?

Jessy

August 17, 2013 at 5:13 pm

Hi I’ve read your blog and it helped me a lot. So I’ve been with my ex for 2 years and 5 months the 5months been off and on. Back in january we were having issues I found out he was talking to someone else so we broke up I begged and pleaded to take me back but it just pushed him away so I went NC for a whole month. Then one day he sent me a text saying he hasn’t forgotten me and he broke up with that new girl cause he couldn’t get over me. So I took him back cause I was so in love. Then after couple weeks we broke up due to some issues then he dated this other girl for a week then she broke it off cause she didn’t have strong feelings for him. Then he came back to me again. Some days he’d show so much feelings towards me other days he’d ignore me. So almost 3 weeks ago we were doing fine we were on the phone. I had asked him why he wanted to commit to me? He said cause he trusts me with his life and he loves me with all his heart and I never left him when he made mistakes. I was so happy and I said I felt the same. Before we got off the phone he said to me “babe don’t get my hopes up then he said goodnight I love you” couple days later he acted distant and I texted him and he told me to stop texting/talking to him. I was so shocked and asked why the sudden change he didn’t answer that but he did ask me to stop talking to him. So I was like is it some own u met is that why he didn’t answer that either so I just said alright bye. So then a week or 2 later I found he got a new girlfriend I was so hurt and shocked. I did the unthinkable and texted him saying “I can’t believe you lied about everything I know you got a new girlfriend but its ok I’m not hurt you’re a liar and cheater I am back with my old ex too so don’t worry I’m over you too. Which I am not over him I still love him to death. Then he replied with “I don’t care about you stop texting me”. Then I just left him alone. It’s been a week with NC and I plan on never texting him again. But my question is, is he really over me? Does he not love me anymore? Is this a rebound relationship? And what should I do from now on? I think I’ve ruined the chances of him coming back cause I texted him that don’t you think ? He’s 19 and I am 22. He’s a Gemini I’m a Virgo if that helps.

admin

August 18, 2013 at 4:20 am

Well, part of the problem is that he is 19 and at that age us men aren’t too mature. Me at 19 was a selfish, arrogant… you get the picture.

I think you are right to be in NC but you should try reaching out to him after your NC period is complete.
Jessy

August 18, 2013 at 4:48 am

Yea I get the picture. But is this a rebound or? And the NC is a 30day thing right?
admin

August 19, 2013 at 2:59 am

The true answer on the your rebound question can only be answered with time! I would do NC for 30 days though.

Lisa

August 15, 2013 at 12:05 pm

My ex left me for depression. At least that the reason he gave me after the break up and he said i pushed things too far but refusing to tell me why. He just says that “some things must happen first”.
It was a long distance one and we never got the chance to meet for real sadly, a month ago he said we could meet up as friends in the future but now he refuses saying it could harm his current relationship when i asked to meet him to get over him.

It’s been 7 months since the breakup and he has been with his new girl for 4 months, she lives in his town and they are now going abroad together.

It hurts and i badly want him back and he knows that. He cut contact with me 5 days ago for me saying that he never loved me, because if he did, he’d never have left. I still love him but cant take him back after he has slept with this new girl.

Can i get him back even though he has moved on with someone else and once again be his first choice? I dont just wanna be a second option, i wanna be the girl he fights for keeping. :/

And how to stop being mad at him for letting me go and being with someone else? :/

Everyone tells me he never loved me enough, that i’ll only be a second option or he’ll most likely never come back again and i cant stand hearing it.. 🙁

Do you have any advice? 🙁
I fear not having contact with him will make him believe that i’ve moved on, like he want me to, and then never talk to me again 🙁

admin

August 16, 2013 at 2:17 am

You want him to think youve moved on though. In order to get the guy you have to be willing to lose the guy. NC rule is the way to go for you and really use it to focus on the most important thing… YOU.
Lisa

August 16, 2013 at 10:53 am

Does it work even though he’s the one that chose to cut contact?

and how to let go of the feelings of betrayal, anger and pain that he has moved on with someone else after the break up?
how to forgive him for it?

i fear just being a second choice if i got him back, i wanna be the girl he fights to keep :/
admin

August 17, 2013 at 3:06 am

I think it is ideal if you are the one that cuts contact but it can still work if he does it as well.
Lisa

September 6, 2013 at 10:26 am

So i sent him a message breaking contact after he had cut contact with me :/ it’s been almost a month now so wrote to him the other day after seeing a picture of him on his romantic vacation with his girlfriend, who is not a rebound 🙁

the reply i got when asking him to send some stuff back was:

“Hello,

I’ll send the ring back, but I have no clue where the blue book went.
I refurnished my room and I didn’t come across it.
I’d like it if we stopped talking though, we’re not friends on Facebook so there is also no need for us to talk through here.
I hope you worked through all of your decisions and that you made fine choices. Good luck with whatever they are.
If you’d be so kind to put your most recent address in a single reply message as a termination of this conversation, it’d be greatly appreciated.

Best regards.”

What scares me is that he shows absolutely no feelings towards me, not even hate, so he’s clearly over me 🙁

Everyone tells me to move on but i cant… after that message i havent been able to leave bed or eaten for two days :/

Is it really hopeless to get him back now? Since he has fully moved on with someone else.

I’ve read almost all material there is on the subject but nothing works for my situation, especially since he wants no contact with me. Do you have any suggestions?

I’ve been thinking of making videos, maybe he’ll stop thinking i’m awful then, telling him how i feel about him and the break up, how he has hurt me, how i’ve changed and then tell him goodbye, leaving it all in his hands.. is that a bad idea? :/
admin

September 7, 2013 at 1:48 am

Well first off make sure that you take care of yourself. Get some sleep and get something to eat. It’s not healthy and you can’t get him back by acting that way.

The videos I don’t think are a good idea b/c I would be really creeped out if an ex did that to me.
Lisa

August 16, 2013 at 10:58 am

and since he has been with her for 4 months, met each other’s families, sleeping together (which i cant forgive him for) and are now going abroad (but he could never find money to meet me), it’s obviously not a rebound.

so what are the chances of winning him back then? is it even worth the effort?
i just can’t imagine sharing my life with anyone else :/
admin

August 17, 2013 at 3:06 am

I think you should give it a try before you completely give up on it. Thats just my two cents.

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