How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule- A Comprehnsive Guide

1,044 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”

Mia

November 25, 2016 at 3:14 pm

Hello, so my ex of 3 years & I had a argument and we just stopped talking, well he had an argument, all because he wouldn’t want to compromise for the better of the relationship, so he just stopped texting me, & I as well stopped texting him. Long story short, he always told me within the 3 years that I was the best girlfriend he’s ever had and I treated him the best, so we didn’t officially breakup, he just stopped texting me as well as I he, (he told me he wouldn’t compromise and if I didn’t like it to go be with someone else) so I’ve been no contact with him for a month and 2 weeks, he has not even attempted to get in contact with me at all within this time, i texted his sister 2 weeks after the no contact, because I didn’t know what to do, she reassured me that she knew I loved him dearly and what he was doing was wrong) she texted me 2 weeks after too see how I was doing, I didn’t mention my x at all I just told her I was doing ok, convo ended there, 2 weeks later now, Thanksgiving, his mother texted me wishing me and my family a happy thanksgiving, so I texted her back a happy Thanksgiving, didn’t mention anything of my ex, and the conversation ended there, don’t kno if his family has told him I’ve been in contact with them, but I have a few questions:
Is his family breaking the no contact rule? Should I not contact them back if they contact me.? Does he know that I’ve been in contact with his family. Does it rewind the no contact rule if there’s small communication between his family and I?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 27, 2016 at 6:06 pm

HI Mia,

it was just greetings so, it’s not really that of a big deal. But what’s more important is how much you’re improving and how active you are in social media posting?

Carson

November 20, 2016 at 10:41 pm

Hi, my ex and I broke up 4 days ago and I have been doing no contact for over a day now. It was not a violent breakup really. I know that this article says to no break no contact to wish them happy birthday, but my ex’s birthday will be 22 days from when I started no contact. I was wondering if that would be a good first time to contact the since that is right around when I planned to initiate contact with them. Also I feel like it would be weird to try and initiate contact just days after her birthday if I didn’t acknowledge it. Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 22, 2016 at 10:53 pm

Hi Carson,

you need to check this one:
EBR 057: Birthdays And The No Contact Rule

Mel

November 19, 2016 at 7:29 pm

Hello,

I just started NC and on day 3 my ex bf contacted me via text and phone and completely ignored it. I don’t want him to think that I’m rude to him so the following day he texted and called. I picked up the phone and talked to him just like nothing had happened and we laughed and everything not showing him any sign of the break up and I was the first to hang up. He then kept texting after reminding of the old days but I simply told him that we should stop communicating for a while and needed time and space because of what has happened had hurt me and will talk to him when I feel better. Did I do the right thing?

Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 22, 2016 at 2:46 pm

Hi Mel,
yes, you did!

Jason

November 12, 2016 at 5:19 am

What if he sees this as me being rude? Surely that will just turn him away. What if I am just never the one to initiate? What if my replies are always dead-ends that don’t lead to a conversation? Will this have a similar but weaker effect, or does that just not work?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 12:27 am

Hi Jason,

nc is not recommend for everyone, it’s not a solution for all and there’s no guarantee that it will work. When and why dod you break up? How old are you both? When was the last time you talked?

Chelsea

November 11, 2016 at 7:45 am

little different in my case. My birthday was towards the end of NC. Yesterday in fact. He didn’t wish me on my birthday but he sent me a really plain ”happy birthday….” today morning and i replied after a few hours with a ”thank you :)”
Last week he unblocked me on Facebook and he blocked me again today….he hasn’t heard a sound from me in the last month….do I still have hope?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 14, 2016 at 7:49 pm

Hi Chelsea

at least he still greeted you..how many days are you in nc now?

Kelsey

November 4, 2016 at 2:51 pm

My ex broke up with me four days ago. Over the couple months, he has fallen into a dark depression and has decided to walk through it alone. He told me he could no longer love me. (We shared strong love feelings just two days before this, so I believe this was just the depression talking.)
We are in graduate school together and have a couple classes together, so I have to see him often.
When he broke up with me, he asked that we keep contact to a minimum until the end of the year, at which point we can try friendship again. This is two full months. Is this too long to go NC?
I feel like I ought to respect his wishes, but would it be appropriate to perhaps contact him before that? Or should I wait for him to take the initiative and contact me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 6, 2016 at 12:07 pm

Hi Kelsey,

since you’re classmates, it would be easier to see if he’s ready to talk again.. Right now, just start the minimal contact.. Be civil with him in class, just talk if needed and be polite and now, be active in improving yourself and building a new routine.. eat lunch with friends, go out, go to new places, do new things

Jah

October 23, 2016 at 9:11 pm

Hey EBR,

I’ve been on and off with a guy for three years. This last year we rekindled things and even though there was no official relationship title it was understood that other people were a no no. He cheated on me by kissing one of our coworkers and then spent the next two to three months telling me she was nothing, I was his priority, they will never end up together, they arent going down that path. Fast forward to a few days ago he admitted to me that she was now his official girlfriend and he had the right to do anything he wanted since we didnt have an official title. He says she asked him to be together and he ‘fell into the relationship’. This guy was my best friend for six years and my lover for three of those years. He basically lied to me, woke up one morning and decided to trade me in. He insists that he wants us to remain friends . Ive decided to cut him off. He usually lasts about three days of no contact before he messages me and I fall back into the same trap. This time Ive decided to really let him go but even though he has a new gf he is still trying to initiate contact with me. What does this mean?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 25, 2016 at 2:27 pm

Hi Jah,

he’s taking the chance because you’ve been friends with benefits for so long.. He thinks you might still allow to be with him without a label

Jane

October 21, 2016 at 9:37 am

Hello, so my ex has broken up with me about 20 days ago. We been together about 3 1/2 years. This is the fourth time. No cheating or anything like that. But he always said he felt the need to leave because of my temper. Which usually came out if I caught him in a lie. I absolutely can’t stand liars. Every time we did break up, I went to straight NC, every time he came back a lot better improved version of himself. I am 6 years younger and am still working on growing and maturing myself so I will take fault on how I act sometimes is not acceptable. This time we broke up, I went to no contact, and noticed he added his ex on fb and all these old tinder girls, which he has done this before as well. I ended up texting him and flipping out bc he went back on his word after us being wonderful for another year. He blocked me from all social media so I went straight NC. It’s been 20 days. The other day was our anniversary. And next week his our puppies first birthday. Which he took our dog. Of course I have the urge to reach out and fear he is with one of those women and will move on but I won’t contact him. Also I’m leaving for Asia in four days, for an entire month. Won’t even be here for thanksgiving.. I’m worried he will move on in that time, or maybe try to contact me and I don’t get it. I’ve never gone somewhere for so long during a break up so I’m a little stumped on this one. Also how do I get him back and get him to stay. If he even comes back this time.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 22, 2016 at 8:23 pm

Hi Jane,

You have a conflict with your standards..You dont like liars, but then you’re not walking away from him.
Probably because you expect him to change but right now, after breaking up for 4 times, did he really change or he just showed that at first? And when he senses you’re comfortable in the relationship again, he goes back to his old self..

The more you do nc, the less it’s effect.. So, this time, talk to him about the arrangements with your dog.. talk about the ownership because if it doesnt work out with him, do you still want to visit the dog? Do that before leaving..

and then do that nc, and think about until when you really will give him chance of he messes up again

Leslie

October 20, 2016 at 10:03 am

Hello,

I can’t seem to find any information yet this one:

What if your ex makes it quite clear that he wants to reconcile during the NC period ? If he texts something clear like “I’d like to work things out” or “I need to talk to you, I’ve made a huge mistake” ? Do you continue to ignore him for the 30 days, or at this point is it OK to accept his simpering self back into communication ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 20, 2016 at 2:11 pm

Hi Leslie,

I think this is the one you should check:
EBR 046: Can You Ever Break The No Contact Rule?

KD Smith

October 16, 2016 at 6:54 pm

My boyfriend of 3-1/2 years broke up with me (I’m 56 and he’s 67-he retired this past June and Sept. 4th he broke his collar bone playing tennis with a neighbor—that caused me to also realize that I wanted to be with him forever). We had even gotten engaged to be married. He broke it off 2 weeks prior to August 5th (he called it a postponement). He eventually broke it off and told me we were no longer boyfriend and girlfriend and that we were no longer together. He wanted us to take a break and later see where things were going… I told him if he has a change of heart, he is to call me. He said he would and I would be the first to know. We stopped seeing each other on Sept. 20th. I contacted him once because I heard that a close friend of ours had passed away—I called him to see if he was okay—just a ‘comforting’ call. I also told him that I was sorry for contacting him when I agreed with him not to contact him. At that time he still hadn’t changed his FB relationship status to single yet. I also told him I was waiting for him. I didn’t contact him again until Oct. 11th on his birthday. I sent him a birthday card to his home and posted a b-day greeting on FB. He called me and thanked me and I asked him if he thought of me at all—missed me. He then told me that he still hadn’t changed his mind, just leave things the way they were and we would see where they go… Then 3 days later on FB he changed his relationship status to ‘single’. I was devastated. I posted on his FB a small poem about when you find your true soul… (he is my soul)… That was my last contact with him and will not contact him again—no matter what. I want him to come after me-otherwise, I will always wonder if he truly loved me… My birthday is tomorrow and I’ve planned not to respond if he sends a greeting (I don’t think he will-and yes, I will be hurt if he doesn’t…). I am waiting for him (I would wait forever…). I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I truly love him… Is there a possibility that he may come back? He did tell me ‘never say never—we always have hope…’ I even asked him if he was embarrassed about his shoulder injury and that was why he didn’t want me around—he laughed and said no (rather quickly)…???
Your thoughts…?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 17, 2016 at 11:54 pm

Hi Kd Smith,

I dont think it’s because if the collar bone, because he postponed the engagement even before the accident..it’s like he just prolonged it enough for it to sink in for you before confirming to you and in facebook..do you have any other idea why he broke off the engagement?

Lily

October 11, 2016 at 6:49 pm

Hi! Okay so my boyfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me…we had some issues (nothing big) in the last couple weeks of our break up and no communication but apart from that there’s been nothing wrong with our relationship. He is also in all my classes at college. So I started no contact…nearly a week in he messaged me asking me how I’m doing and I ignored. Then today (the day after) he text me saying he still wants me in his life (like as a friend, he’s already said this) but he understands if I don’t want him in my life anymore and he just wondered how I’d been. But I don’t want him to think that I don’t want him in my life because thats not TRUE. But I also don’t think he will ever miss me and want me back if we are talking in college and acting as friends…plus that would be too hard at the moment anyway. He has also said a few times that he might want me again in the future. A couple weeks ago when I said what can I do to get you back and he said give him time. But I don’t know what to do right now…do I ignore that message and keep doing no contact and not talk to him in college and hope it makes him miss me….or do I fall into talking to him and hope it makes him slowly fall for me again. I don’t want him to think I don’t want him in my life.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 6:53 pm

Hi Lily,

nope, you’ll likely end up in the friendzone if you keep talking to him..

Courtney

October 8, 2016 at 1:15 am

Hi! Me and my ex dated for about 3 months and its been almost 3 weeks since we broke up. He was the one who initiated a convo after he broke up with me to check on things if I’m doing okay. At the time, I only just wanted to be friends with him. We’ve been talking casually most days since then cuz we ended things on a good note. It’s his birthday today and it’s only today that I’ve decided to do the no contact rule. Should I start the no contact rule today or would it be rude not to wish him a happy birthday when we’ve been talking? Also, would the no contact rule still work if we’ve been talking after the breakup?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 10, 2016 at 2:40 pm

Hi Courtney,

did you greet him? There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but I think it’s not yet too late to start it..

Susan

October 5, 2016 at 4:17 pm

Dated off n on man 4 8yrs..hes hanging w friends daily no time for us…had argument n nc started 14days ago..his birthday is coming up tomorrow..weve fone the nc 4 30days in the past n he really nvr contacted me i contacted him…i feel itll b rude 2 not wish him a happy birthday n find he may think im done if i dont…this is do hsrd to do your nc tule…help

Rachel

October 8, 2016 at 7:46 am

What if it is my birthday and my ex wishes me a happy birthday? Should I respond if I am still in NC? Also, does it mean anything?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 10, 2016 at 3:21 pm

Hi Rachel,

nope, you shouldn’t.. check this one:
EBR 057: Birthdays And The No Contact Rule
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 7, 2016 at 3:09 pm

Hi Susan,

we can’t help you if you don’t help yourself.. He had no time for you, you were on and off, you kept chasing him.. so what do you think needs to change?

Kirk

October 4, 2016 at 1:53 am

Hello,
I dated my ex for 3 1/2 yrs and he broke up with me because he “didn’t want to have the responsibility of a relationship anymore and didn’t want to hurt me anymore because of it.” After 6 months of being on and off after I finally started the no contact, and a little after a week he sent me a meme on facebook and then later texted me and said it was so hard not to text or call me and to text him when I’m ready and that he hopes I’m safe. I know I should continue the no contact until the 30 days are up, but I’m confused as to why he messaged me if he wanted to end things?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 6, 2016 at 10:26 am

hi kirk,

he missed you.. that’s natural so stay strong in no contact

AmandaJ

October 3, 2016 at 7:33 pm

Hello. I need some help. My boyfriend of 2 and 1/2 years moved out last month, he ended it. We’d been having problems for a few months and didn’t communicate anything or try to solve it. I found out he’d been looking for a replacement during that time frame that we were having issues. He already started a new relationship w/ another woman. Needless to say I’m heartbroken still for the betrayal and dishonesty.

We’ve been no contact since then. The problem here is he hasn’t forwarded his mail yet. I don’t know what to do because there are some important pieces that just arrived last week (election stuff/parking tickets). I don’t want to break no contact but I don’t know how to get him to TAKE his mail and forward it all to new address. Any advice?

AmandaJ

October 5, 2016 at 5:49 pm

I’m seriously thinking of just breaking no contact, sending him an email and telling him to give me his address and I will mail it all to him as well as asking him if he will kindly change his mailing address.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 6, 2016 at 7:11 am

Hi AmandaJ,
it’s ok to contact him about his letters, as long as you only talk about that
AmandaJ

October 3, 2016 at 8:17 pm

Btw, i don’t have his new address otherwise, I’d just mail it off to him. My mistake in not getting that.

holly

October 1, 2016 at 3:53 am

Hi, if my ex writes happy birthday on my Facebook page, can I say thank you and like it as I do with all of my other friends’ posts? I would feel extremely rude not to.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 3, 2016 at 5:07 pm

Hi Holly,
usually, we don’t allow that during no contact.. but for me, as long as it’s just like with any other reply go ahead.. but if he initiates a conversation after that, then you can’t reply.

Mellissa

September 29, 2016 at 9:57 pm

Hi i had been dating my boyfriend for almost four years. We fought but things always got better we went on vacation togather and he asked me to marry him. I have met his family but because of cultural issues he never met mine. He gave me a ring and i took it. near the end of our relationship things got rocky, there was a lot of pressure on me to tell my parents and i wasnt ready to do it yet and his parents were pressuring him to get married and settle down. Then he went away for a few days and when he came back he was ignoring me and acting different. I later found out that he had brought home two phone numbers of girls that he was talking to. He told me they are friends but he was keeping them very secretive. I ended up going to see him one night and talking about the girls and it got out of hand and i ended up hitting him and ripping his shirt, because i felt so betrayed and hurt. After that he told me he loves me but would never marry me and does not want me anymore. He told me that by hitting him i pushed him over the edge. But he was still intimate with me even after that.He would go back and fourth and gave me a lot of mixed messages and every time i would bring up the idea of getting back togather and that things would be different this time, i would tell my parents and we could get married, he would say no. I would beg and plead and hed yell and scream at me to stop doing that and eventually he said i need to stop and that if i dont he will get selfish and do something that will make me hate him. he said that i took to long and that it is now to late for me to want something that he wanted before, he doesnt want to get married anymore. I know that his family is looking though, and that he is ready to settle down. He also stated that he is no longer thinking with his heart but with his head, and that if it was up to his heart he would get back with me but hes stopping himself. That is when i decided it was time to try the no contact rule, i said goodbye to him. I am on day 5 of no contact and i noticed today that he has blocked me on whatsapp, i can no longer see his status or picture. Whatsapp was our primary form of communication apart from calling each other, but i do not want to call to find out if he blocked me there to. I am ready for marriage and i do know that he is the one. what do i do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 1, 2016 at 1:21 pm

Hi Melissa,

It’s good that you’re already in no contact.. Focus in improving and healing yourself. He probably just did and said those out emotions. Nc can help give him space too to think

Magda

September 26, 2016 at 12:55 pm

Hi. My boyfriend broke up with me about 1,5 month ago (the relationship lasted 9 months) At first I was begging, crying, I was really needy. Actually I was too clingy during the whole relationship. At first he said that we can’t be together, then he said that he needs some time to think it over, and 10 days ago he wrote me that he thought about us and he can’t imagine life with me and is really sorry. I cancelled Immediately his fb, number and everything and went to NC. I did it for myself. Today is 10th day of NC and he wrote me for the first time how am i doing and that he would be happy to hear from me.
Should I answer ? I suppose that he is just checking on me, if I am still alive… 🙁
I am scared that it will only give me hope and I will suffer more:(

Magda

September 29, 2016 at 4:00 am

Thank you for The answer. you were right!!

After 2 sms i got an email where he is begging me to write at least if I am fine (except from that we should talk and he feels horrible). Should I reply? Short message that I am still alive and doing fine? So scared to mess it up:(((
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 7:24 pm

Are you actively posting in social media? If you are then he will know you’re fine..
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 1:34 pm

Hi Magda,

nope don’t reply.. Check this one too:
Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy

Jessica

September 20, 2016 at 4:55 am

My ex-boyfriend broke up with me. He said he had been unhappy in the relationship and in his life in general. He loves me but can not be in a relationship. He is overwhelmed and emotionally unavailable. I did everything that I could do wrong. My survival instincts kicked into high gear and I groveled, cried, begged! Ugh the memory of it makes me cringe.
I was the perfect girlfriend ;)… Supportive, accommodating etc
Will the NC rule work at this point? After all of my groveling?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 21, 2016 at 5:22 pm

Hi Jessica,

We can’t guarantee that.. but most of the women did that before doing no contact

ChN

September 17, 2016 at 5:49 pm

Hi there, thanks so much for creating this site. I met a guy while I studied abroad, and we had been seeing each other for about 4 month until I left for my home country (which is 9000 miles away from his). We were not in any labelled relationship but we acted like a couple such as going on dates and make each other dinner. After I left him, we still texted and seemed not able to get over each other. 2 months after I left, I finally talked to him and decided to buy a plane ticket to see him for 2 weeks. Now I have left him again for about 3 weeks, and are doing NC for 12 days. He texted me 2 days ago asking me how I have been and wish me happy mid-autumn festival. I ignored and he texted just now asking me if I am just ignoring him now. I want to try a long distance relationship with him but I am not sure what he thinks about it. Should I break the NC because I dont want to be rude? Thanks a lot!

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 19, 2016 at 6:09 pm

HI Chn,

why are you doing nc? Why not just talk to him about your relationship status?

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1,044 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”