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positivitywillcome
September 17, 2016 at 1:53 pm
Hi,
So my ex-boyfriend of 4 years broke up a little over a week ago. He’s 23 and I’m 22. Our relationship was great apart from our arguments which always revolved around time. He’s an elite athlete at the college level with hopes of being a pro athlete and I’m an aspiring med student. He’s always been very busy and I accepted his lack of time and interest in my life because I knew how much he wanted his dream and how hard he worked. Also, he was a great boyrfriend otherwise. He always loved and respected me more than ever. It still hurt that I sacrificed so much for him (time, moving, sleep, social life, friends) and now we broke up. When he broke up with me he told me that it was because he felt terrible that he has been such a terrible boyfriend and that he knows I deserve better because he thinks ive been a phenomenal girlfriend. he said that right now hes focused on his athletics and he doesnt have time and he doesnt want to hurt me. he told me that he broke up with me because he loved me more than ever and he doesnt want to hurt me. he told me it would hurt him if i moved on but that he cant tell me to wait for him. it was mutual because i havent been happy for the past year and a half. it was hard because we were best friends and lovers. its also tough because we go to the same college and happen to live within a 20 metre distance of each other. the night of the break up i ended up getting intoxicated and he came over and we had the most passionate love making ever, he told me he shouldnt do it but that he couldnt help himself when it comes to me. after that we only texted a few times but i realized I want to be strong, confident and happy without him so that if he comes back its great and if he doesnt than i can be happy. i know what we have is true love, and there is no question he loves me to death. he even told me when we broke up that he doesnt want me to think there is anybody else because there is nobody like me and that he isnt going to go hookup. he tried to tell me that he needs this season to focus and concentrate. i get it but i still cant believe he gave up what we had for sports. to me it feels as though people search for what we had for their entire lives and that we had it and he gave it up willingly. i really want to be with him again because what we had was unbelievable and true love. but i dont know what I should do? our breakup was mutual and we still love each other and he has reiterated that hes always here for me. he also said that he doesnt want his parents to know we broke up because they love me. what do i do???? i feel like my situation is different. i want to get him back…but do I go about things differently since i know he still loves me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 19, 2016 at 1:53 pm
Hi Positivity will come,
if you really love each other, then at the right time, you would still end up with each other. For me, he wants to focus on his sports right now, and if he chose you over that, do you think he would really be happy or resent you because you with held him from his dreams? You’re both young, and right now, for me, you need to let him be. If you can be friends, be friends. But if I were in your case, I would step back, let him reach his dreams and then do my own thing too..
Raven
September 14, 2016 at 1:07 pm
What if he sends you a snapchat do I open it or do I just ignore it we broke up about a month ago and we talked here and there but I had to start all the conversations I am currently on day 4 of nc !
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 17, 2016 at 12:24 pm
Hi Rae,
yes, you have to ignore his snaps and messages. Check this so you have a guide on the conditions of breaking no contact. EBR 046: Can You Ever Break The No Contact Rule?
Howtoproceed
September 11, 2016 at 5:45 pm
It’s been 37 days of NC with my ex. He dumped me. I’ve been going to the gym and out on dates and getting my shit together. He went a week without contacting me, since he has tried to contact me numerous times through different methods (text,email,skype). The first 3 times it was to ask where things were. I did not respond. Then 2 weeks ago he asked how I was doing, I did not respond. A few days ago he sent me a link to a sappy song cover he thought I would like but said not to read anything into it he just liked the cover. Today he sends me a text saying: So are you ever going to talk to me again? I want to get back together but I don’t know how to respond.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 13, 2016 at 3:18 pm
Hi How to proceed,
why are you going for more than 30 days and why did you break up?
Laura
September 11, 2016 at 5:34 am
my ex and I broke up around 3 months ago and ever since the breakup we have had our ups and downs. This last month has been like being in a relationship without actually being formal so I talked to him and he told me that he didn’t want to be with anyone else but that he didn’t want to be in a relationship because he wants to be free to do anything without commitment( even talk to other people if he feels like it, even though he said to me he had never gotten further because he thinks there are no interesting people anymore and hasn’t feel like it) I told him I couldn’t handle the fact that there was a possibility that he could go out with somebody else while being with me so I said it was better to finish it and stay friends. Later, joking I told him that maybe one day I change my mind and I want to be a dissaster with him, and he said that he would always be there for me, that I could literally use him for anything. We are moving in together because we had agree to do so before and even though we’re broken up he still wants to help me with the rent. We see each other every day and he does anything I ask him and helps me, and it is very very difficult for me to be distant with him because with the situation I think it would be noticed as extremist and even if we don’t kiss or make out, we still talk with the same chemistry because we’re best friends, and it’s kind of hard to let go your best friend as well. I do want him back. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 12, 2016 at 5:14 pm
Hi Laura,
so, now you’re friendzoned and you live together.. well, that means you have to do a limited no contact..is there any plan of anybody moving out if ever this doesnt work out?
Valerie
September 8, 2016 at 3:54 pm
Hi, i’m in day 21 of NC period though we haven’t seen each other for over a month. We dated for 4 years and ‘ve thought about marriage. But later he got too stressful and wanted freedom, no commitment. He told me to find another one and broke up. I begged him so many times and then I tried NC. Few days ago he called me but I missed it. He typed just a letter on my FB just as to check my reaction. Do I still have any chance to get him back? Does my NC have to be longer to make sure his back with commitment of marriage? What do I have to do when NC finishes?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 9, 2016 at 4:31 pm
Hi Valerie,
I think you have to set your expectation.. it’s less likely that he will ask you to marry him just because of no contact?
Is that the reason he broke up with you? How much did you improve during no contact?
Deena
September 7, 2016 at 5:54 am
Hi Chris,
My ex fiance and I were together 9 years. We broke up almost a year ago. It was a horrible break up yet we still keep in touch. We also share the same cellphone plan (still). Our birthdays are a week apart and he wished me a happy birthday (and paid the cellphone bill). Under these circumstances should i say happy birthday tomorrow or not. I (obviously) am not impletmenting the NC rule…the ship on us had long sailed…. Even though I really love him. I feel there is no reason i shouldnt say it because we do talk but I did want to tug on his heart strings by not saying it. I do feel like with our situation it would come across immature…thoughts?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 8, 2016 at 8:13 am
Hi Deena,
if you’re not in nc rule, then it’s ok to greet him.
Harman
September 6, 2016 at 2:47 am
Hi, my birthday is coming up here and I’m doing NC with my ex. What if she wishes me a happy birthday!? Am I to not respond?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 7, 2016 at 5:24 am
Hi Harry,
don’t answer. Be focused in improving yourself and I think you should do at least 30 days. Read this article too about birthdays so that you understand why you can’t answer her.
EBR 057: Birthdays And The No Contact Rule
Lauren
September 3, 2016 at 11:06 pm
is there a way I can ask questions about my situation without the comment getting posted incase my ex sees it? thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 4, 2016 at 9:32 pm
Hi Lauren,
you can email us instead. Email us at [email protected]
Melissa
September 1, 2016 at 6:04 am
Hello,
My boyfriend and I were together for nine years. He broke up with me in April. We still are friends and see each other often but we never had the no contact. I want him back but is it too late to start the NC now, four months after the fact? And if not is it going to cause problems if I suddenly stopped talking to him? The day we broke up I blamed myself, cried and acted a little desperate although I did not beg him to stay with me or anything. I just said things like I screwed this up and lost you etc. But since that day I have not even mentioned getting back together and kept it strictly friendship based but I’m afraid I’m going to be completely friendzoned and I’m sure he knows I want him back even if I don’t push it. I just don’t know if it’s too late for NC or not
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 1, 2016 at 2:11 pm
Hi Melissa,
I think you are already friendzoned because it’s been 4 months since the breakup.. Let’s say that no contact rule is your last step.. Tell him being friends is not working for you and you need space because you need to move on and when you’re fine, you’ll reconnect again.. and then do 45 days of no contact and just be active in improving yourself and date others too.
Stephanie
August 29, 2016 at 7:57 pm
My boyfriend and I currently live together , we have dated for 5 years. About 2 weeks ago he stated that he wanted to break our lease and move forward separately and end the relationship. He stated he has been checked out for a while and ready to move forward, but even thought he has stated all of this he still keeps calling me “baby” and tries to have regular conversations about tv, work, friends, ect. like nothing has changed. He has not looked into breaking the lease and has not found another place to live yet. He has been sleeping on the couch lately and I in the bed, but we did hook up a couple of days ago, but have not spoke about it. he continues to sleep on the couch and I in the bed until last night he feel asleep in the bed and started cuddling with me in the middle of the night. He sends me text msg like old times stating “Have a great day” . I feel like he is just playing with my emotions, I do want him back , but he is being so up and down and I don’t know were to start, with all of these mixed signals he is giving me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 10:39 am
Hi Stephanie,
you should read this one: How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming
even if you have broken up.. I think you can still use that because you still live together.
m.p
August 29, 2016 at 7:20 am
what if in the 30 days NC , I receive a text from my ex like hi, how is it going ? Shall I answer short or totally I should ignore it.
Please advise.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 29, 2016 at 5:13 pm
Hi Mp,
ignore it..
Susan
August 26, 2016 at 3:07 pm
So my ex and I dated for 2 years. We were in a LDR and things got very complicated. In the first year, I cheated on him, but he took be back. We have seen each other a couple of times after, him coming to visit me and me visiting him. Things were going great, or that’s what I thought. Around April of the second year, he broke up with me and told me he didn’t love me anymore. I kept begging him to take me back, but he wouldn’t. So about a month later I sort of hinted that I was seeing someone else a few weeks later, he told me that he didn’t like that and that he missed me and did still love me, but he didn’t want to be with me. I didn’t quite understand that, so I asked him if he loved me as a sister and he said that it wasn’t like that. That he didn’t want to hug and kiss his sister. So it’s been about 5 months now since we broke up, but we still talked within those 5 months. Our conversations would start out good, but then I would always end up bringing up getting back together if he still loved me, but then he would tell me that he doesn’t want to, so then I would think that he doesn’t love me, but then we would end up arguing and then me telling him that I can’t just be friends with him and that I won’t talk to him anymore. He says fine, but I do always end up talking to him the next day or two. Just about a week ago, it happened again, but I also decided to initiate the no contact rule. After I told him goodbye, I didn’t message him the next day or after. It’s been about a week since I talked to him and I didn’t post anything on snapchat either. (I usually post a lot) He messaged me 2 days ago saying “hey” and I didn’t reply. Hours later in the night, he sent me another message just saying that he just wanted to see how I was doing and that he hasn’t seen anything from me in a while and hoped I was doing okay. I still didn’t reply. I posted 2 pictures on snapchat yesterday, one picture of a beer and another of just the time, before I went to sleep. Then last night, he texted me saying “I guess the goodbye was for real. Maybe it’s a good thing. I’ll talk to you someday in the future, Maybe.” So right now, I still haven’t replied. I’m just not quite sure if this is a good sign or not. I don’t know if I messed up or if this is where I’m supposed to want him to be. I feel that if I don’t message him back, things could go either way. What do I do now? Is this where I want him? Do I continue with the no contact? Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 30, 2016 at 9:31 am
Hi Susan,
are you still in nc? are you actively improving yourself?
Ashes
August 26, 2016 at 7:29 am
Hey there, I don’t really know how to act in this situation I’m in. My boyfriend broke up with me less than a week ago, I stumbled across this website on the second day after, and am currently on day 4 of NC. We dated for 16 months, however, have been friends for over 5 years, and we went to middle school and high school together. My point being that we share many friends.
The reason we broke up is very much like the example used in the article (me being too clingy) and so I thought not contacting him would help because it would give him space. However, since we share friends, we have both been invited to a number of events that are well before the end of the NC period, with the first event being tonight, on just day 4 of NC. I’m not sure how I should handle these situations, should I treat it the same way I would if we worked together?
Thanks in advance for all your help, these articles have given me new hope.
Ashes
December 2, 2016 at 4:40 am
Amor,
thank you for your advice. I will continue the no contact period until I reach the 45-day mark and hope for the best from there. I do believe this time away from the relationship has helped me grow, but it hasn’t stopped me from wanting him back, for I truly believe he is “the one”.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 2, 2016 at 6:40 pm
You’re welcome!
Ashes
December 1, 2016 at 11:15 am
It didn’t go over too well, when he saw me he got urges to kiss me and started flirting with me, and then later said he was just confused. We somewhat dated for about 3 weeks after that, then he called it off again, and I restarted NC. A similar thing happened with a get-together, this time he specifically said he wanted me back and that he was sorry for being an idiot, then two weeks later he called it off again claiming the “spark had died” . I just did a 21 day no contact period, breaking it on the day of another group get together, but nothing happened this time, we were completely civil to each other, which makes me think that maybe my chance has died. What should I do from here?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 1, 2016 at 12:32 pm
Yeah, because it’s getting predictable.. There’s a small chance now, I think you need to do at least 45 days, and if he asks you for you back right then there, don’t give in right away. And don’t stop the activities you started during nc. Don’t stop having your own life.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 30, 2016 at 7:05 am
Hi Ashes,
sorry for the late reply.. Yep, same with being coworkers.. How did it go?
sam
August 24, 2016 at 7:16 am
This one is seriously long and I really need help. Bear with me….
Ill share my story.
Few years back I met this girl in my freshman year.7 We use to go in the same college bus. I was recovering from a heartbreak and I dint wanted to get into a relationship again for some time. This girl I met was so not that pretty but was so cool,she had this confidence and charisma, we quickly became friends. She flirted with everyone… every guy, earned the reputation of being a flirt. Some part of me told me to stay away from her and some told me to stay… as a friend .I was so used to her holding my hand in public,hugging me, pulling my hairs,joking to kiss me etc. Sometimes I got angry and told her to maintain some distance,she laughed it off every time. A Close friend she was. Yeah I was in the friendzone and I preferred it this way… I was fine with the fact that she continually changed boyfriends and her flirting.
One day we went to a zoo ,had lot of fun, got so tired, stopped to take some rest on a bench. Then I don’t know what happened to her, she kissed my cheek. I stared for a min trying to think what the fuck just happened. She laughed hard and apologised.
That day changed everything. Fuck I was in love.
I told her what I felt, she said I like you too.
We shared this mental and physical bond for some time.
Few days passed and I got to know she cheated me for several guys during that time. She played me real bad. Now shes in a different city. And will return soon.
I blocked all contacts with her . Its been 21 days.
She calls me every alternate day, sends long messages,begs to hear from me. Cries a lot as my mutual friends tell me to call her.
I dont know what to do, am I doing right..this is affecting me so much. should I continue this for 30 more days. In a hope to get her back….. as a honest friend maybe.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 28, 2016 at 12:21 pm
Hi Sam,
to be honest, it looks like you went blind and you hoped you were the only one in her life, even though you know she’s a flirt and she didnt say you were exclusive.. it’s normal.. you were in love.. but you did the right thing of doing nc because you conveyed your standards..finish 30 days and take it slow..
Karin
August 23, 2016 at 9:28 pm
Hi!
My ex and I had a super beautiful and long love story. After a couple of years together we took the next step. Moving together to a small flat. He is from another country and he was living in mine during all this time.
The living together was no so great, I have a very stressful work and he didn’t. We weren’t very patient to each other and after a while we broke up but kept living together which was terrible. Still having sex from time to time. He moved to another place and we didn’t see to each other for the next 4 months. I kept focus on work avoiding to think and keeping my mind busy in other silly things. Then we met at the end of june and suddenly I realized how silly I had been. He hold my hand, kissed me, told me I was still the girl of his life and loved me. Though he had already made his mind up. It was like we still shared the same love for each other. The fact was that He was going on a trip on his own for a month and then going back to his country.
we met three times and we both cried the day we were saying goodbye for good.
He sent me this Ben harper song, walk away, before his plane took off. The most beautiful and saddest song. I wrote him hopelessly sometimes and the last message I got from him was saying he still thought of me sometimes and he still missed me sometimes as well but that we weren’t ever going to be back together.
even though how hopeless and miserable and guilty I was feeling I sent him a message saying something like I wished him to be happy and some more stuff. And I told him as well I didn’t want any other cold or empty of feelings answer.
since then 3 weeks ago I haven’t written him more so I’m in a NC period. So hard because I can’t stop thinking of him or our love.
his birthday i’s in two weeks from now. And I’m not really sure how to proceed. I keep waiting for him to say something but what if he doesn’t? How mucheck should I wait?
It’s harder because we don’t even live in the Same country.
Thank you for reading to this hopeless heart afraid of having lost the love of her life.
Karin
August 31, 2016 at 1:50 pm
Sure I will.
My last question is… should I wish him a happy birthday? It’s in a week from now.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 4:05 pm
nope.. one of the rules of no contact is refraining from greeting him too
Karin
August 28, 2016 at 11:51 am
We are not that far away. He may be. He loves it. But im not sure. I could move to his as well. I told him before saying us good bye for good I’m dare to leave everything behind and go wherever it takes. 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 30, 2016 at 4:19 pm
YEah, but don’t say that now to him.. You’ll look like you’re chasing him. Right now, the more important thing is that you improve yourself.. if you have started, continue doing that. If not, well, restart the count.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 27, 2016 at 6:58 pm
Hi Karin,
is he going back in your country someday?
rheel
July 23, 2016 at 6:24 pm
hi i broke up with my girl 3 weeks ago and since thn i am on NC but one day she called me and asked me about my family to which i replied” its none of your concern, GOODBYE!” and hung up and since thn she did not call now its her birthdy on 23rd of august and i am just wondering if i should wish her or not? plz help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 25, 2016 at 7:50 pm
Hi Rheel,
it depends on how many days of nc yioy are doing.. if that is still in nc, you shouldn’t freet her
Jaya
July 23, 2016 at 11:16 am
my bf broke up with me 5 days ago.I tried convincing him in every short of way instead he blocked me from everywhere i guess.I started nc and i am on my 3 rd day.We live in different cities.Today i got news that his uncle and aunty who lived beside his house were killed 1 day ago by some robbers.I have always been beside him in his problems.Shall i call him or text him?one part of me is asking to call him and be his support.the other part is like he abused me so much when i was begging him to come back..i was not able to eat or sleep properly still he didnot bother although he loves me …i am stuck and confused….shall i call him and show sadness for his tragedy or not because he dont need me.i havent blocked him from anywhere if he will need me he can call…what to do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 23, 2016 at 2:22 pm
Hi Jaya
exactly.. if he needs you, he will call.. so just continue in nc
Tiffany
July 18, 2016 at 4:31 am
Confused and need advice. It’s been 2 weeks of no contact since he wanted a break, and 3 weeks since I’ve seen him. Today he called me but I missed the call. I am hesitant to call back because I’d be breaking the NC rule. Problem is I want him back, and I’ve been praying that he contacts me! Now that he has I don’t know what to do 🙁
Help
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 18, 2016 at 6:22 pm
Hi Tiffany,
you said you’ve posted a lot in fb, what were you posting and what activities have you started during nc to improve yourself? are you going out withe friends? are you meeting new people? that’s good that you weren’t able to answer it because it looks like you’re not ready to keep everything rational
Ash
July 17, 2016 at 2:30 pm
So I started my nc about 2 days ago after staying in contact with my ex a month and half post break up. And she sent like 5 mesges so far nothing important other than coupl of selfies and general text. Didn’t respond to any.. The twist is her mom just texted me saying the flowers I sent before are beautiful that they decided to grow a couple in the house garden( sent those about a week ago) ( very rare flowers I had to ship from Europe to Canada)
The question is do I text back the mom or ignore her too? Please need quick answer
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 18, 2016 at 10:16 pm
Hi Ash,
actually, it’s ok to.ignore that for now.. because it looks it doesn’t need a reply.. does the mom always text you?
Ariel
July 13, 2016 at 12:38 pm
Hi! My bf and I broke up after a month into LDR. He initiated it after we had a fight, and also probably due to me being too clingy and needy >.< I started NC right after, and I am 13 days into it now. His birthday just passed and I didn't wish him, instead he posted an ambiguous status saying 'always XX', XX being a pet name he gave it to me. My birthday is coming up in a few days, I was wondering if I should reply if he wishes me? Or continue with strict NC? Thank you for taking time to reply!! 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 13, 2016 at 6:12 pm
Hi Ariel,
nope continue in in nc but more importantly be active in having a new routine and improving yourself