109 thoughts on “How Long Should You Wait Before You Contact Your Ex?”

1. 

   Anonymous

   June 2, 2020 at 2:44 pm

   Hey,

   My boyfriend and I have just broken up. I started the no contact a few days after. My problem is that before he’s broken up with me and then took it back a few days later but never stays about a month later. He said that he needs to go at life alone but that it would be great to get back together down the road. What does this mean and how long should I go for the no contact? I really want me and him to get back together because we had such a good and solid relationship.

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   June 3, 2020 at 11:06 pm

   Hey there your No Contact needs to be 30 days minimum

2. 

   Sarah

   May 27, 2020 at 4:37 am

   Hello,
   My ex and I met up after exactly 4 weeks post breakup. We had a good chat about things and he answered all the questions I had. It ended well and I left with the impression that although he wasn’t feeling it now, there was a chance he would in the future. Unfortunately a few days after this we had a small disagreement about joint gifts we were given by his family and mine. It was a civil disagreement and only a handful of texts were exchanged but he blocked my number. He doesn’t like confrontation and doesn’t handle arguments well. I still need to speak with him regarding some money and rental issues, but I am holding off as long as possible. How long should I wait before reaching out again?We are still FB friends so should I contact him there when the time is right?

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   June 3, 2020 at 10:02 pm

   Hi Sarah, yes I would suggest that you follow another NC period of at least 30 days and then reach out on messenger. Be sure not to ask for another meet up too soon as thats not getting your ex invested in spending time texting and phone calls with you. Read about the texting stage to start re attracting your ex

3. 

   Siobhan

   May 24, 2020 at 2:51 pm

   Hi this was an interesting read!

   Me and my ex broke up 3 weeks ago (this has been after multiple break ups) and he has moved out. In the past it’s always been me trying to get us back together but I truly think it’s over this time. Is there a chance he could contact me about sorting things out? Or do you think as it’s been multiple times it’s definitely the end now?

   I just want to be together and it to be good!

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   June 1, 2020 at 11:33 pm

   Hi Siobhan, there is no way I can tell you that he will reach out to you 100%, but what you can do is work on yourself and the Ungettable girl information so that he can see that you are doing well without him and that you are living your best life and he is just sat on the outside watching in

4. 

   Anonymous

   May 20, 2020 at 3:53 am

   Hi Chris and Team!
   I wanted to tell you that the month long no contact actually worked for me! I’ve never had any luck with my exes in fact, my one ex is now engaged but I’ve been trying to be good this time around. My ex and I dated for almost a year and a half, had an amicable breakup, and managed to stay in touch and on good terms. We had an especially good conversation a month ago where it felt like we were really almost friends again and then time started going by where we weren’t talking (and we had talked about once a week before this). But I thought about your rule and I waited it out to see what would happen. It ended up being almost a month on the dot! But I ran into a mutual friend at the park yesterday and we talked for a bit, but I guess he told my ex about it because he texted me today and we talked for a little bit! I was a little unsure of how this whole thing goes so I’m grateful to have your advice! Thank you!

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   May 20, 2020 at 8:02 pm

   This is awesome news thanks for your feedback 🙂

5. 

   Janelle

   May 14, 2020 at 2:10 pm

   I know you say 45 days is the limit, but my ex boyfriend and I maintained very positive communication in the the first 2 months since weve broken up and at times it even felt like we were becoming friends again, but we haven’t talked in the past month. I guess with quarantine theres been nothing to talk about. I know he sees me in a good light though. His birthdays at the end of june and I thought maybe that would be the perfect way to initiate contact again. Do you think that would be okay or do you think it might be too late?

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   May 20, 2020 at 4:31 pm

   Hi Janelle we do not suggest that you reach out for a birthday after a No Contact period. I understand that you have been communicating since your break up but to follow this process we see that completing a No Contact sees the most success

6. 

   Amber

   May 6, 2020 at 2:40 pm

   Hi just asking what do I do make contact with my ex agin it’s been 4 weeks since we broke up we had a fight and I missing him I don’t want him to think I’m despite or stalking him and it was a long distance relationship how can o snow him instead that I have feelings him and I cared for him and make him i Interested in me agin

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   May 12, 2020 at 7:13 pm

   Hi Amber, there are many articles that can help you produce your first reach out after NC

7. 

   Kathryn

   April 22, 2020 at 12:38 am

   Hello,
   Me and my boyfriend were together for 8 months, but this is the best relationship I’ve been in and I love and care about him deeply. His dad suddenly passed 2 months into our relationship, and although it was hard it only brought us closer together. Everything was completely fine (at least from my end) and we seemed like we were at an all time high. Randomly, out of the blue, he called me to break up with me because he said he couldn’t handle grieving his dad and having a girlfriend at the same time. And now he is questioning his feelings for me saying “I don’t know how I feel I don’t know what I want I’m sorry.” I really want him back in my life but I understand he needs time. Where do I go from here?

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   April 25, 2020 at 11:52 am

   Hi Kathryn, I would say hes been honest and is struggling to deal with his grief, losing a parent is a difficult process to go through and understand. Sometimes that means they walk away from others until they start to feel better. I would follow the NC period and then reach out after 45 days

8. 

   Matt preen

   April 21, 2020 at 3:03 pm

   Hi I hope you can help

   So me and my now ex broke up over a stupid Row and a miss read badly typed text message from me a week ago now , obviously with all this virus going about it’s causing major stress and she works for the nhs over her in the UK so is doing mad overtime at work and is struggling ext

   When ever I try to sort things out she will say I “through it away so easily” even though I went to hers the next morning to make amends face to face so braking up is clearly not what I wanted ,

   She will call my back if I attempt to call her and she misses it or even text me to say she is a bit busy at the mo when I call her and she can not answer ,

   We had a long neutral phone conversation a few days ago which I cut short because in my mind I was confused how she could just call back and speak like nothing had happened yet when I asked her to go for a walk/ talk in a neutral place to try and sort us out she reply’s there is nothing to sort out and again “you through it away so easily”

   Iv asked her to just be honest with me and tell me if it’s not going to work out As I will respect her answer and leave her be but she totally avoids the question …

   What should my next move be

   Thanks guys

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   April 25, 2020 at 6:41 pm

   Hi Matt, so the fact shes avoiding the question means she is unsure more than anything I think. Plus she works for the NHS shes going to be in the most stressful uncertain time of her career, so be patient. If you are there for her to talk to when she does have the time, she is showing interested, and she is spending her free time talking to you. I am thinking its more fear than anything so if you keep as you are having the conversations over the phone being supportive and patient that you are going to show her you are not walking away easily but try to avoid the heavy emotional conversations about getting back together for now as she is going to feel pressured to decide when she is currently working in a very stressful environment as it is

9. 

   caleb

   April 15, 2020 at 6:50 am

   Hi Chris,
   I recently broke up with my ex-girlfriend of 3 years and she seems quite interested in dating and talking to other people it seems, I am wondering whether it is worth pursuing her still and progressing with the 30 days no contact time frame. I am still very much in love with her and wish to spend the rest of my life with her and am implementing daily routines and aspects that weren’t present within the relationship in hopes that it’ll prove effective…. one more thing we are quarantining together and I’m trying my best to limit my neediness and limiting contact.

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   April 22, 2020 at 9:59 pm

   Hi Caleb, only you can really decide if you want to try and get your ex back or not but the information in these articles can help you if that is what you choose to do

10. 

    Spyridoula

    April 12, 2020 at 1:27 am

    Hey i read your article
    My ex broke up with me on March 23rd
    It’s been almost 3 weeks now
    After our break up he contacted me 2 days later asking how i am but left me on read after like 2 messages
    I reached out to him after 4 days and he did send me a message as to why I’m messaging him but i didn’t reply
    After again 4 days i reached out again and we talked a bit, i offered to talk bit by bit and he can choose whether we can be together in the future or not, he said it was a good idea but wouldn’t work in the long run. Eventually he was distant and cold, still leaving my messages on read and even telling me that I’m the only one trying to get back together, but he never rejected my idea and told me to meet other people and then come back to him if none has worked out and probably we can start again what is that?? I told him i don’t like all this mindset he has and it feels very one sided, he said the problem is just me and he had no problem communicating with me the passed few days. I’m currently on day 6th again of NC, are there chances he’ll try to reach out after the 30 days NC rule? If not, should i? I really want him back

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   April 13, 2020 at 3:40 pm

   Hi Spyridoula, No Contact is not about waiting for him to reach out to you – I suggest you read a few articles and understand what it is about, but it is 30 days where you work on your Holy Trinity, and then on day 31 you reach out to your ex with a text that Chris suggests, again this can be found in the articles

11. 

    Anna

    April 6, 2020 at 1:42 am

    Hi
    I officially broke up with my ex march 4th. I did through text this time. I wasnt happy anymore due to feeling i had to beg to be intimate. And he had few exes on his FB. He removed them but i felt as he restricted me on his FB because he never liked my posts but did others. He claimed he didn’t see them. After this COVID19 outbreak 2 weeks ago i message on FB his stepmom to see how everyone is doing and to give them advice and update as i work in medical field. I didn’t want to contact him as i didn’t want him to think im trying to get him back. These past few days i wanted to text him to see how is he doing but i cant help but to argue with myself why is he not asking about me and my kids( he met them he has no kids). I still love him and would give us a chance if he realize my hurtings and show his love to me as he claimed he loved me. Should i let him go even if is so hard to or should i contact him or you think he should be also concerned about my well being and contact me first? I dont want to be naive one.. thanks

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   April 7, 2020 at 12:03 am

   Hi Anna, if you want him back then complete 30 days NC and then reach out. I would also not reach out to his family during this time. Stick to your 30 day NC work on your holy trinity and focus on you and your children during this difficult time.

12. 

    Courtney

    April 5, 2020 at 4:35 am

    Hello,
    My boyfriend and I broke up on March 3rd after a 8 month relationship. I really care about him n hope to work things out with him, however I didn’t give him space when he wanted it in fear he’d lose feelings for me…. he told me on Wednesday, April 1st, we’d never work things out and I’m wondering if he meant it or if he just said it to get that space he wanted.. he was also a little angry at the time of saying that.. heres a little background into our relationship… he NEVER wanted kids or to get married until he met me, it was a very happy loving relationship until I got bad mentally (I have seasonal depression) which then, we started fighting a lot and that’s why we broke up..

    I haven’t talked to him for the past 2 days, I was planning on in like 2 weeks to a month to see if he’d talk to me, cause he said he would talk about what happened between us when he’s ready too. However he has a horrible memory due so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask him to talk, to see if he is ready. Two weeks after our break up he was still telling me he loved me. He kept his word one night as well. I know he still cares about me as he did tell me that, n he just decided that we are still friends (he didn’t know if we were or not before). My dad told me today he thinks that he only said that we won’t work things out to get the space he wanted. My parents saw how much he loved me n they really liked him. I’m just extremely worried that he really meant that, but my heart n gut keep telling me he really didn’t mean it.. we also have a pet together.

    I was wondering if you think I still have another chance with him? If I do, what do I do to get him back?

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   April 12, 2020 at 8:25 am

   Hi Courtney, so by the sounds of things you have gnatted him so I would go to a 45 day NC and then reach out, and ignore him in the mean time. Regardless if he reaches out you do not reply. Give him the space that he asked for and in that time work on yourself, follow the information for the Holy Trinity. If you want him back then read as many articles and use the information to help you

13. 

    Anuradha

    March 26, 2020 at 12:56 pm

    Hi,
    My boyfriend broke up with me and went back to his Ex. But we were still in touch for many months. But few months back he suddenly removed me from his contact list and said he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore as he don’t want me to think that he is still with me. Then I too decided to move on and removed his number from my contact list as well. After 2 months of no contact I guess he has added me back as I can see his last seen and profile picture on Whatsapp. Is it a positive sign? Its been 3 months of no contact now. Should I add him on my contact list? Should I initiate the conversation?

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   March 28, 2020 at 9:33 pm

   Hey there so yeah I would say it is positive that he has added your number bat it shows that he would be open to speaking with you. But I would make sure that you reach out with a text that Chris suggests and keep to the texting advice given, do not outstay out welcome and make sure you end the conversation not him

14. 

    Anonymous

    February 25, 2020 at 10:45 pm

    Hello whichever expert reads this.

    Me and my girlfriend had been dating for almost 3 years. We are both around 21. We were a match made in heaven. She loved the hell out of me, and even though sometimes I played it cool, I loved her dearly too. We were both pretty set on having a future together. However, in the first month of our relationship, I was dumb and immature and was inappropriately texting another girl overseas. After I did that, I felt so ashamed and disgusted in myself and immediately deleted all contact with that person and devoted myself to my girlfriend. However, she feels strongly about cheating, and this same girl from overseas messaged my girlfriend and told her that we were sexting while I was dating my gf. She confronted me, and we were unable to recover our relationship. She broke up with me the next day. I know she still loves me because up until this incident, she was crazy for me. I still love her and want her to see the changes I made and how special our relationship actually was. Is there any way I can get her back? I’m two days into no contact.

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   March 3, 2020 at 9:42 pm

   Hey there so yes there is a chance but it starts with working on yourself during No Contact making sure you are the best version of yourself. You do however need to make sure you do not speak to the other girl again and you are going to have to work to gain your exes trust back

15. 

    monica

    February 24, 2020 at 12:24 am

    hi chris, so my ex and i broke up on monday of this week after a whole year-long relationship and it’s now sunday.

    so for some background, the day of our break up and the night after our breakup i had called him and begged and apologized for all that i messed up on (since he believed he was feeling trapped in the relationship and wanted to let me go because i would always fight with him on the dumbest things). i even asked him if he would take me back in the future– he responded with probably, but he still wanted to date other people while we were split up! what?! plus, he even admit to not wanting me to move on with someone else, but wanted to date other people?? it got me all confused.

    but i have a sibling that let me borrow her phone for a bit today, and i think i made a really bad decision; i pretended to be my sister texting him, and he just responded with “stop trying to push things between us”, admitting that he’s going to want to date other people. i even told him that i said i didn’t love him anymore (which was a COMPLETE bluff, i wouldn’t be here if i didn’t still want him back).

    i’m just now applying NC once again for the second time this week, as i attempted it for two days on wednesday and thursday but i fed into my temptations of his texts of checking if i was okay. my question is, did i make a huge mistake?? did i blow it?? can he come back?? what happens after this? i tend to overthink a lot and this has been on my mind since this morning.

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   February 26, 2020 at 11:08 pm

   Hey Monica you have not blown it no, but you have got to start again from day 1. Where you stick to it for a minimum of 30 days and do not reach out or reply to anything he sends you. Each time you break it it loses its effectiveness. Dont let yourself overthink, become focused on yourself and work on becoming Ungettable

16. 

    Iustina

    February 10, 2020 at 12:22 am

    Hi. I dated my ex for 4 weeks and he broke up with me because he thinks I deserve better, he told me that I put pressure on him and we started wrong our relationship, that he is not healed from the past and he doesn’t want to me make me suffer.
    I want him back. Last time he said that he wants to be friends, to meet for a Coffee or to go to dance someday. I agreed to stay friends. He didn’t text me after the day we broke up.
    How can I have him back?

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   February 11, 2020 at 11:32 pm

   Hey Iustina, the best way to improve your chances is to follow the program and work on yourself in that time. Read as many articles that apply to your situation on this website and make sure you focus on how to become Ungettable

17. 

    Pauline

    December 31, 2019 at 7:54 pm

    Hi chris, do you have any advice for lesbians relationship? Because me and my girlfriend broke up last week with a simple and first fight, lately she was being cold to me, so i asked for space, and then my ex girlfriend messaged me during the Time that I wasn’t talking to my girlfriend, my ex told me she wants to get back to me, at first i told her no because i love my girlfriend but then she insisted and my fault was i told her I’ll think about it, but the nextday I messaged my ex I don’t want to get back to her and i will call my girlfriend to fix our problem, so i called my girlfriend and told her everything with my ex and then that’s when she broke up with me, i will understand if she wil get upset but breaking up with me I don’t think it’s the right thing to do.. I tried to convince her and begged her but she made up her mind and she told me she can’t trust me anymore, we are in a long distance relationship too like 2-3hrs flight. Do you think if i do the NC she will realize everything and come back to me? We been together for 1yr5mnths and i met her in dating app. I met her family and same thing with her she met my family, we see each other like in every 3-4, all in all we been together for a month in person, and for the entire relationship we stayed on the phone every night. Btw in the end of our break up, she told me we can still be friends, but I can’t give her what she wants because i love her

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   January 4, 2020 at 11:36 pm

   Hi Pauline, so the rules still apply. No contact allow some space and reach out after 30 days, where you focus on yourself and how you are going to improve in the factors that broke the relationship up, showing your ex you are the best person for them out there. So while you’re in no contact work on yourself use social media to show how you are doing great things with yourself.

18. 

    Nikki

    November 28, 2019 at 5:49 pm

    My ex and i broke up oct 28th. I constantly texted him and his family, even after he blocked me. About a week later he texted me but was telling my step dad everything i said. We havent spoke since then and he has since changed his number. Should NC start from date we last spoke?

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   November 28, 2019 at 9:27 pm

   Hey Nikki yes you restart from the day after you last spoke

19. 

    Nova

    November 19, 2019 at 6:26 am

    hi chris,
    so my boyfriend and i recently went on a break due to him needing time to work on his mental stability. we both said i’d we ever want to talk we can and that we would like to try to make it work if it ever could. we both still very much love each other and want what is best for the other person. is the 30 day contact rule still what i should be shooting for or is it more towards a the 24 day?
    i don’t want to intrude on his time of self work, but also do not want to be apart.

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   November 19, 2019 at 8:13 pm

   Hi Nova yes you are aiming for 30 days, there is no 24 day plan I am afraid. Stick to the process plan

20. 

    Dina

    October 27, 2019 at 2:48 pm

    Hi,
    Two questions please:
    1- does it matter who did the breaking up? If they did the breaking up do i still contact them or is it over?

    2- they don’t have social media. What do i do in that case?

    Thanks

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   October 27, 2019 at 8:33 pm

   Hey Dina, it doesn’t matter who ends things still do the No Contact and work on yourself. And as for social media you will have mutual friends so you still need to post to social media and make the most of the image you can create to his sphere of influence