The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Jay

July 6, 2015 at 3:55 pm

Hi chris. My ex and i broke up about a week ago. We dated for a little over a year and even moved across the country together. It started out amazing but as work and stress came along i started shutting down. I didnt let him in emotionaly and took things out on him. I told him all tge thinfs i loved about him and he said he never knew any of that. Anyways i had to move back home and he said that we should take the time to work on ourselves individually. He always told me that he wanted to spend his life with me. I know that hes hurt and i need to give him time to heal. He said we could revisit starting over in the future but first we need some space and time to work on ourselves. Then we can see if this is really what we both want. Should i be doing nc? He texted me pn the weekend to see if i made it home safely but that was it. Is it ok to talk to him if he contacts me? Any help would be greatly appreciated

Cara

July 4, 2015 at 10:11 pm

What do I do if I already went through the no contact rule, my ex texted me and we got together and talked about how we both want to work things out. We both admitted to being wrong and he misses me and wants me back. Here’s the catch, after that night we made plans to go for dinner the next night. I haven’t heard from him since, it’s been 2 weeks. What now?

becca

July 4, 2015 at 6:56 pm

I really don’t know which way to go now. I’ve tried to send a text or 2 to him but I think his number has changed.. so as ive said before, It’ll look weird if I found/used that number.
Over the last couple days, some weird things have been happening. He’s completely deactivated his fb account, which makes me question why now? Why after we’ve been split a year, why not do this before or create a new one with his new girlfriend? So yeah, that seemed strange.. considering he’s a geek and it seems now he’s had to get rid of his online business coz there’s no other way of drumming up buisness for him now?
Whilst he’s been with her (a year in June, but feels like a lifetime ) He’s lost alot of his friends, his beloved band that he worked hard for, and now it seems his social media account and business.. I’ve heard that she is controlling and considering he’s known her longer than me (we were together 5years) I thought he’d have figured her out by now.. he used to tell me when they were in school she got in into smoking and drinking etc but whilst we were together he really struggled to quit.. so in my eyes, if she wasn’t around to offer the cigarettes he may not have started in the first place. I know it’s been nearly a year but could this still be a rebound? Or a gig syndrome?, he’s always seemed to put her on a pedestal and was even an usher at her wedding!! She also cheated in November and was seen by many of my friends kissing another guy.. she even spoke to one of my friends so he deffo knew it was her! I’ve tried to become the UG and think I’m achieving that well considering I have alot of male attention recently.. I have become happier in myself which is obviously more positive. He just can’t see it, I’ve considered trying to make him jealous by making a rumour that I’m in seeing someone but I know he’s insecure.. he used to have medication for panic attacks and depression and in my experience they go hand in hand.. this is why I think it won’t last as his new girl was previously married and it only lasted 7 months.. there is so much more to add to this crazy story but can you just answer my question – is it a rebound still? then I’ll probably ask you more :)

Carlene

July 2, 2015 at 11:05 pm

Hey! So my situation is a little… complicated. I was hoping to be able to get some advice.
My ex boyfriend of 1 1/2 years broke up with me about a month ago. During that time, we had been arguing a lot, but it was getting better. But the week before we broke up something happened. Basically I was getting angry about this friend of his who was constantly flirting with him (it had been going on for months) and it was causing a lot of stress between us. Then he admitted to me that he had done some of the flirting too, but he had stopped. I wanted him to stop being friends with her because I was so upset (he was very very apologetic about it though). Anyways we (my ex, the friend, and me) ended up talking it through on the phone together and solved the issue. However, my ex was under so much stress already with school and all this added relationship drama that he ended up breaking up with me the next day. He made sure that I knew that it was his fault, not mine, and that he just didn’t want a relationship right now. Then when I saw him a few days later, we acted like normal friends. It was weird, like the same thing we had together but the whole “relationship” aspect was taken out. He was overly friendly, and I can tell he still has feelings for me. He’s texted me almost every day since then, and we’ve even talked over the phone a few times. He flirts with me like he would when we were dating. I can tell that he still has feelings for me. Hell, a week after we had broken up he had said he still loved me. Hasn’t said that since, though. I’m not sure what to do about this anymore because I’m tired of being pulled back and fourth emotionally. We had a really great thing together and he knows that, and this whole situation has really depressing me lately. I’ve been trying to make plans for us to hang out, which I know I probably shouldn’t, but I feel that I need to in order to decide whether I should stick around or move on. Last week was great: he texted me first every day and called me three times. This week it’s been weird, though. I think I may have overstepped my boundaries a few days ago because I had gotten so upset/emotional and said things I shouldn’t have about “us” and what he was putting me through. I just really want to get back together with him because we were an amazing couple, and I feel that if we try again we could do even better this time. There’s honestly more to the story, but this is a long enough message already and I’m not sure if you’ll respond anyway.
Thank you!!!

Tori

July 1, 2015 at 3:17 am

Hi Chris!

I’ve commented on here before and that comment was really long so I will do a quick recap and then update on my situation. My ex and I had dated for almost 4 years (I’m 20, he just turned 22). We were really happy together and the break up came out of no where. We started dating in high school and did the long distance thing when I went away to college. We were making it work. He broke up with me over the phone almost 3 months ago and I got a lot of reasons that I did not quite understand. When I tried talking to him in person, he was very cold with me and seemed like he didn’t want to talk to me or listen to what I have to say. There’s more to the story but I don’t want this to be super long. When I commented last time, you told me to try to get him back.

Me being who I am, I was too chicken to contact him 30 days after the break-up and waited a lot longer. I kept hearing things about him and seeing things on Facebook that would upset me and make it so I didn’t even want to try. However, deep down, anger aside, he is still the only person that I want. Since we broke up, he has started drinking (he was completely against it when we were together. not sure where the change of mind came from) and I know he has asked girls out on dates. He asked one of my friends out on a date (and she declined and was nasty about it because she couldn’t believe he was asking her out) and then I know that he has asked out a girl that he works with. However, I do not know where exactly that is going or if anything is happening with him and that girl.

I have contacted him since we broke up. His birthday was June 19th and it took me hours to get the courage to send him a Facebook message. I finally did it but I know that I didn’t say it the way that you would recommend. Either way he responded with a thank you, which is more than what I thought was going to happen. I sent back “welcome” and that was the end of our conversation. I’ve wanted to send something else to him but again, I am letting my anxiety get in the way. Also, I have a lot of friends and family who are letting their opinions run wild about the situation.

I am really stuck on where to go next and I feel like if I keep waiting and letting my fear and anxiety get in the way than I really won’t have a chance with him again. I found some stuff of his in my room and I’m trying to get the courage to send another message. I am also wondering if I should even bother trying to get him back since he is clearly moving on and seems like he doesn’t want me anymore. What do you think I should do? Have I messed things up for a future with him again?

Linda

June 29, 2015 at 3:11 pm

Hi Chris, I just wanted ask a quick question, my boyfriend of two months broke up with me without a reason. I later heard through someone else that he found me childish. I did not believe this as we were very happy together and making plans the day before he told me its over. We have been apart for scarcely a month and he has moved on and is now dating a woman who is my exact opposite in every way. I am fair and white she is dark and black. Problem is I did not know about your no contact rule. I was so angry and hurt that he could say that that I have pushed him for the real reason why he broke up with me. Seems he found me to clingy and now he won’t even talk to me as he said I cyber stalked him. What are the chances of getting him back as we were both very happy and we fit well together. i am at a loss and can only hope that I have even the smallest chance at working it out with him. When we started dating I asked only one thing from him and that was that he is always honest with me and tells me if something bothers him and he said he wanted the same. Clearly he did not bother talking to me. Please help

Jade

June 26, 2015 at 5:25 pm

Hey Chris
My ex broke up with me a month ago. No reason, he still tells me he doesn’t know why. He just needs ‘time to himself’ and he ‘hopes we can get back together in the future’ We were together for 2 & a half years and had a pretty perfect relationship, we argued occasionally but who doesn’t? We also lived together for the majority of our relationship.
I made the mistake at the beginning – begging, speaking on the phone daily, talking all the time, texting all the time with little reply. Now I’m feeling a bit stronger I’ve started the 30 day NC. This has been going on for about 2 days now and both days he has messaged me just little things about his day. Other than this, I’ve replied & spoken to him every day since the break up.
We met up last weekend – I wore a new dress and made myself look really nice, he appreciated it and said how nice I look. We just spoke about every day life, no mention of the relationship and then left again.
Do you think it’s too late for us? After all the begging and texting I did, I regret it more than ever now but at the time I thought it was right. I’m hoping it’s not.

Liz

June 23, 2015 at 7:56 am

Hi chris! Is it possible to send you an email? I need your help..

Alessandra

June 22, 2015 at 11:49 am

Hi Chris, my story is long to explain and I was wondering if I can contact you privately?

Seth

June 21, 2015 at 9:50 am

My ex-boyfriend dumped me 10 months ago. From that time to June 2015, our relationship had been like “I chasing him and he holding his ground not to come back to me”. I got tired of fighting with him and then recontacting after a certain period, so I decided to meet him in person and decide once and for all if there is some interest left (Over viber one can feel that one is not interested but in person experience is a totally different thing). So I suggested to him that I will come meet with him and sort our differences out. In May I read my and his horoscope that he will come back in my life b/w May 18-June 11 and that he is now looking to get settled with one person. I thought I should give a last try at establishing some connection between us.

So we met. Our first meeting was great since I was successful in getting him attracted to me sexually (he used to say that he won’t sexual with me if I meet him). I only allowed him to kiss me and firmly refused to do any thing more for him. In my second meeting I talked to him about us getting back together. To which he said no. He gave me the reasons. I accepted them graciously. In that meeting I decided that I will continue loving him without expecting anything in return. I also helped him financially as he was truly in need of help but after that night and to the day I was flying, he did few things that insulted me and also broke my heart.

I was hurt but I knew I got my answer. The purpose of my trip had been met. I wanted to see him one last time in person (he broke up with me over viber and we didn’t see each other for 1 year), so I could hug him and cry over his shoulder about our unfortunate breakup. He allowed that. I was thankful for that. It helped me relieve my stress big time. So I left the country without contacting him. I lost quite a bit of interest in him for the wrongs that he did to me during this visit (yes he also is very stubborn ass and did give me the feeling of beign used). He did call me and left many text messages. I ignored them exactly the way he ignored my phone calls and text messages a night before. It hurt me so bad that I lost quite a bit of feelings for him. Since that day, my attitude has completely changed. I don’t chase him anymore. I didn’t respond to him for two days after I came back. He sent me text messages, one message on fb (which was the 1st one in 1 year since our breakup). He asked me how I was doing and said sorry about not contacting me. I responded that I am just fine (just a one liner and ignored his other comment). Then didn’t respond for two days. This morning he sent a message again about how I am doing. I haven’t responded to it. I am not feeling the same passion for him anymore. I don’t want to even stay friends but I don’t want to lose him completely. That is why I respond to his messages albeit late and short. I am afraid if my messages continue to be short, he might eventually give up on me but so far it is working in my favor. I don’t know if he is coming back because he suddenly misses me or because he considers me an ATM (or an opportunity for green card).

How should I proceed with him? I have decided to only answer his texts and be to the point. I will not end the conversation with my questions.

Tiffany

June 20, 2015 at 1:48 pm

easy enough question here…what if we work together? I deleted and blocked him off fb but we work in a small office I avoid him like the plague….no eye contact, nothing. dont speak to him unless necessary which it usually isnt. is this the right way to go about this or am i coming across as a cold heartless B???

Gina

June 20, 2015 at 7:37 am

Hi Chris,

I read your article and I’m thinking of trying this . However , i m not so confident i will even be able to keep the first rule (no contact for 30 days)
This is my story , I have been together with my ex for about 5 years. We have been through a lot. We had a lot of experiences together , bad and good, the first 2 years he was very hesitant and he was always keeping a distance ( maybe because he has been hurt a lot in the past, maybe he wasn t that interested in the beginning . I chased him a lot, he was always playing hard to get , but always ended up next to me .
The last summer we stayed together for 5 months because we had to move to an island for the summer season to work . We had a lot of problems because a friend of his came too to work and always was very negative with everything that happened at work ( it was a hard summer season, lots of things went wrong) . Anyway , we also had some good times. For the first time he saw the real me , in my good times and bad times and from what i realized he liked that at last i was myself and he finally relaxed too in the relationship .
The thing is when we came back to our homes after the summer season ended after all this time i was depressed because i had some health problems because of the stress in the summer,. That lead me to become distant, nothing new happened , we are having financial problems keeping us from spending money and spoil ourselves , even a little. I think we were both depressed. So i started to feel that maybe i got bored in this relationship and i guess i made a big mistake by telling him this thing because i was very scared of this prospect. In general , last week before we broke up i started acting very weird distant and was kind of rude to him.
So at the end he told me that this relationship has reached it’s end and that it is not working anymore and that it is time to break up… He didnt seem happy about it but it seems he made his decision.
So , now i realise how stupid i have been and that i left all our psychological problems get in the way of our hapinness. I feel we made the biggest mistake of our lives.
So almost immediately i panicked , i called him non stop , i texted him to let him know how sorry i was for my behavior , i crossed the line in several ways , i even learnt from close friends that he has disappeared almost from the day we broke up and avoided every one, so this made things worse for me , because now i knew that he is probably deeply hurt and this drove me crazy , especially because i feel i mislead him to believe that i stopped loving him . After a week of me calling and texting he told me he doesn’t love me anymore and he definitely doesn’t want to spent the rest of his life with me , that it is over and whatever i do we want get back together because he is completely tired of my psychological problems and he cant deal with them . i told him that i will change but he didn’t believe me ( even i didn’t believe myself ) .
So that’s it , i m completely heart-broken , i feel i made a mess of things and that because of our everyday work routine and problems i forgot to appreciate him and this ruined things. And i also feel that he will never forgive me , he is a person that doesn’t share feelings easily and if this broke his heart i don’t think he will ever give me a chance….

So this is my story. I would like to have your honest opinion on all this. and if you think ill ever have the slightest chance if i try your suggestions , i was thinking of trying it but im afraid that if he rejects me again i will be heart -broken all over in a month…
Thanks a lot ,
Gina

Coco

June 20, 2015 at 5:34 am

Hey, Chris, i need your help.
I broke up with my boyfiend since this february.
And now only i realise that there is the no contact rule.
Before that i beg for him and want him back. But his respond is like not sure or ignoring my message. But other message he will reply. And i found out that he block my Facebook so i cant get into his facebook timeline. However, i create another facebbok account and added him as friend. I found out that he has new girlfriend because his friend always tag him with a girl. And the girl posted a photo of her selfie and said that she miss him. However, when i ask him whether that he has a new girlfriend he does not admit. I wonder why he wanted to cheat me. How can i get him back? the last message i told him is “I know we are now not being together but i already get used to you and i miss u. I wanted to know how you think of …?” He then still reply me a message that he don’t have a new girlfriend and said that i don’t trust him. i say okay i trusted you ..dont get angry….then he text me okay u listened. Then from that that, i decided to apply the NO CONtact RULe. But i found out that he seems like quite happy with his new girlfriend and always discuss where to eat and tagged her for the restoran. What can i do now……..?

akshara

June 18, 2015 at 3:43 pm

hello sir ,i want to say my breakup story..
iam 20 years old and bf is 19 years old we are in relationship for one year. but after this one year in my bf home his parents came to know about our relationship so he said we will be friends.and he also said after his settlement he will come back to my life.so thr is breakup between us.i use to msg him daily but he use to chat like a frnd.i cant bare it so messeged him that i miss u a lot an all my emotions i mailed him he saw that mails.then i asked did u see the mails then he said what mails i dont know.then after two days i mailed him again i wont disturd u its my last msg and be happy iam not intrested in my goals i dont want to fullfill my goals this what u want for me ryt so be happy bye… he saw it but he did not give replay. and i removed my fb account and i didnt messaged him and no mails.but i really love him.i want him back to my life bcz with out him iam ntg. so my friends saying that just leave it move on its over.but i am unable to accept it. so i want to know did he missing me daily and what to do ,to get him back to my life?i cant be happy i cant be stylish nd i cant move freely with anyone so what to do?plzz give me the ans..

Rita

June 17, 2015 at 2:18 pm

Hi Chris,
My ex boyfriend and I had been dating for three weeks (we recently reconnected as we have been friends for 8 years). A few weeks ago we went to an event with a group of friends of mine and his ex-girlfriend (they broke up about 6 months ago). He spent the whole afternoon talking to her, and laying me aside a bit. I let it happen because I was with my friends, that he had just met, and he had nobody else but her. Still, I was jealous about it, and that night I told him that I didn’t feel alright about what happened.
The next day he said he was confused and didn’t know what he wanted. The day after that, he broke up with me using the excuse “it’s not you, it’s me”. He says he is confused, but wants to remain friends with me.
I said I was not going to give up on him, and on saturday (13th June) he said he didn’t want anything but a friendship. I was heart broken and haven’t talked with him since (via facebook).

I want to follow your advice, but what would you do if you were in my shoes? Do you think I should give it a try? I think this relationship has everything to work for many years or even forever.
I just don’t want to loose him, as a boyfriend or a friend.

Mariah

June 16, 2015 at 1:42 am

Hey Chris,
So I’ve considered getting the Pro version of this but I don’t know if I should when I’m not sure if I even remotely have a chance of getting my ex back. My ex and I were together for nearly 4 months, 2 and a half of them being long distance as I was in school in another state. He broke up with me saying he just couldn’t do it anymore and that the fighting was too much, though the fights were few and not that bad at all. I did everything you shouldn’t for the first three days which made him and his mom think I was a little crazy. He is a momma’s boy, but I’ll get back to that. After a week of no contact I texted him to let him know he didn’t have to feel obligated to keep his promise of hanging out with me as friends because I was trying to meet new people (as friends). He took that to mean I was moving on already and when I explained that I wasn’t he said good because he had been trying to think of ways hat we could hang out again and maybe start over. After that we had two decent conversations and he even tagged me in a post on Facebook about cats because he knows how much of an animal lover I am. About a week after that conversation I got a random message from some person on Facebook asking about my ex for his sister. I confronted my ex and he said he was talking to this girl and that while before he was confused about whether or not we could actually start over, he knew now that he never wanted to get back together again and was finding himself with this girl. I took that confession extremely graciously compared to the break up, as in I thanked him for his honesty and said I was glad I could be his friend while he found his happiness. He said he would contact me to get together and we would go back to talking like friends but I’m in day 6 of no contact now and he hasn’t reached out in any way. I am back home for Summer Break but I don’t know anyone because my family just moved here, the only person I knew was my ex, so I haven’t really been able to utilize Facebook to show I’m becoming the “ungettable girl”, so any feedback on how I can do that while not really knowing anyone in the area would be fantastic and much appreciated. I have however used Facebook to do what I shouldn’t do, which is stalk out his Facebook, and I noticed he is liking all of one of his close friend’s posts and she is liking his (even posts from two years ago). I just went out of my way to buy a Plan B pill for the girl a little over a month ago because she is a minor and my ex didn’t have the money on him. The girl just broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years and he was older, 21 I believe, so my question is what should I do when your ex is potentially getting together with a close friend of his? Does this usually work out and do I have any chance of getting him back with this going on and potentially his friends and family saying we wouldn’t last? I’m not going to lie, we had our issues because we are both stubborn and opinionated, but at the same time we are literally like the same person in all the right aspects and want the exact same things out of life.

EF

June 12, 2015 at 10:48 am

Me and my partner have been together 6 years, we have been fighting a lot over the last couple months, he doesn’t pay me any attention and show that he loves me and I moan, I know I need to stop the moaning and this time apart has made me see that however he is not willing to give me that chance to prove myself it is like he has given up on me. He walked out claiming he needs space and does not know what he wants any more. Problem is we go on holiday in 1 week with his family. I’m going to try be the girl he fell in love and show him that I’ve changed but I’m scared he will be stubborn and make things awkward and reject me. I don’t know what to do? Please someone help me he won’t talk to me and I am in fear he is going to leave and give up on me, I don’t want to loose him he is my best friend and the one I want to share and experience the rest of my life with. HELP

Sidi

June 11, 2015 at 7:48 pm

Hello Chris! 🙂

First of all – amazing website! So far, it’s been helping me a lot!
But I’m kinda in a very weird situation right now, where I haven’t found a solution for it yet…
,so I’ll hope for your replay 😉

Right now I am in the state where me and my ex are having contact again (already been through no contact), although it went a little but slowly at first (because I once did no contact and failed), it’s been going good so far, he seemed to be happy when I texted him, replayed “more thann necessary” and always smiled a lot at me when he saw me in scool..etc

Last time we saw eatch other he gave me an intense hug and strooked my arm and my hand. I was being pretty optimistic, until yesterday when a friend of mine told me that I should forget abot my ex boyfriend, because according to him my ex told him a week ago that he completed the chapter with having sth serious again with me. (he doesnt have a new gf) I still kept calm and thought that maybe thats not a big deal, because of my stupidness that I waited so long its not abnormal and as long as there are some light feelings on his side that I am capable of making stronger.

He’s going to be out of town within 3 weeks for 3-4 weeks and I dont want to pressure anything but I am not sure if I should keep doing what I do or like trying sth “big” before he’ll leave, or maybe forget all about it, because of what my friend told me..? I just dont want to let my fear control my behaivor, so please help me with this!

Greddings from Austria! 😀

C

June 10, 2015 at 1:20 am

HI Chris, I bought your book and followed the rules of 30 days NC and today is the first day, after i send confession text he replied immediately and then i used “old copy of a movie” template, after that he replied “that’s a pretty lame confession, i was expecting you to say you’ve been visiting my mum again or something, have you decided if you’re going to study further or not? ” so can i think the first part is neutrally or negative? should i ignore it or reply it

Lily

June 9, 2015 at 6:46 pm

Hi
I Started seeing this guy in December. Everything was great, literally amazing, we were having so much fun together and seeing each other regularly. For the last month or so he started to not contact me as much, which I accepted as I didn’t feel the need to carry on as we were as in some ways it was probably unsustainable anyway due to work commitments etc. Anyway we met up over the last may bank holiday w.e, had another great weekend, then we spoke on the phone during the week, all was fine. I have however heard nothing from him since! I have tried to call a couple of times and sent the odd text but he seems to be ignoring me. I know he’s alive and well so I can’t quite understand what has happened when things were going so well. What do I do?! I have started this no contact rule (as of Saturday when I sent the last text) but I am struggling in the sense of the fact that we haven’t even had an official break up!! Please help.

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