The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Sam

July 28, 2015 at 10:20 am

My story goes like this: Started an online relationship 10 yrs. ago, things seemed well , slow and smooth and good in the beginning as we both were around 22 yrs. old living our lives and giving substantial amount of time to each other. Typical things happened neglect, lack of communication, jealousy, anger, arguments. First I tried to dump him but he begged to give a chance, later things seemed to happen again after two years he dumped me. We were still friends. I was in a total emotional turmoil and fell into depression. We occasionally talked we never met but we good pals. Eventually contact decreased to minimum. However, this year we met for the first time. We talked about everything issues, complains, good and bad times. Eventually we both said our feelings and decided to take things forwarded as our feelings were still there. However, he contacted a few days after our meet up. I messaged or called him a couple of times a week, he replied after a few days. Now it’s over a month that he has not replied to any text message/ call/ email. I understand life is pretty busy but the feeling of being neglected hurts and I am unable to control myself from trying out to reach him. Being with him just made me feel complete now I don’t know what to do, especially with my emotions as am being typical and don’t want to feel the pain of breakup again with the same guy again. Any suggestions?

Brittany

July 27, 2015 at 10:18 pm

My exboyfriend and i have been broken up for about two years. I have tried dating other people, but none of it ever feels right. My ex contacted me the other day and we met up and ended up talking for hours. I started to realize that i still love him, but im just not sure what to do now?

Carla

July 27, 2015 at 8:49 am

He broke up with me just one week ago and he’s already flirting with other girls 🙁 should I still try? I love him so much but I don’t understand why he would do this. How do I know if he’s just looking for distraction or if he doesn’t love me at all?

Pynia

July 25, 2015 at 4:28 pm

Hi!
So I was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I was sick and having a housing crises- something which unfortunately happened all at once right when we got together- and one night I just flipped and dumped him, because I was frustrated about not seeing him enough. We met two months later, and I thought we got back together. But then when we met again, he said he could’t hang out with me because he was going to his ex’s place. I happen to know from him and many other mutual friends that he and his ex have not been together for years- its only that they are stuck in a rent control lease together and neither of them wants to lose it. But I lost my temper, and I lost him. This last weekend I saw him, and it was unbearable. He said he never wanted to hurt me, but he just “can’t do it now”. He was so indifferent, even though he kept saying he wants definitey to be friends with me. He said he is alone, and wants to keep it that way, because he neither wants to hurt another person or himself. I am better from the illness which made me so bad to be around, and many things in my life are on the up and up now. I want him back terribly. We had a breakup conversation (again) yesterday. I did my best to listen to him, acknolwedge all I’d done wrong- but he still didn’t want to. Will this no contact rule work for me? August might be the perfect time, since I am absolutely sure we won’t run into each other then. Is there hope even though its been so tumultuous? I want so badly to have a second chance with him, for us to be happy. Thank you- Pythia

Carla

July 25, 2015 at 4:16 pm

He told me he hopes somebody who makes me happy soon. Does he really mean that? Should I still try?

Saline

July 24, 2015 at 5:09 pm

Hello, Chris!

I had commented on a post of yours recently regarding my ex, how he jumped into a rebound relationship and I was curious about how to get him back.

As an update, a week after I wrote to you, he broke up with the rebound woman. I was the first person he texted. He texted me THAT DAY, if not within that hour, I believe. Anyway, we talked about it a little, but I let the conversation drop. I wasn’t going to hound him about it, and I didn’t want to look too interested or anything like that. I gave him his space like normal. I keep up the No-Contact rule until he initiates it, make him chase me. It worked, and we went out to lunch later on that week.

Lunch progressed to other things. Since the break-up, he had gotten a new dog and wanted me to meet her. I of course went over, and one thing led to another and we were kissing before it led to intimacy. We broke up before because he was going through a deep depression. Nothing was going right in his life. Work sucked, his living situation sucked, everything just sucked, and a natural response when that happens is to push people away from you and find something new. His sex drive even was depleted, so the fact it led to intimacy spurred on by him is flattering and miraculous, to say the very least.

You’re probably wondering why I’m giving you my life story. I assure you, I’m going somewhere.

Instead of kicking me out of bed, he wanted to spend more time with me. We laid in bed and talked, and when we took a nap, he kissed me good night, something he never did before. While we were napping, when we rolled over, he woke up enough to either kiss my lips, or kiss my shoulder, something else he never did before.

I noticed he was watching me intently too, paying more attention to my features like my hair and my eyes. His eyes didn’t really leave me except when we were sleeping or watching a movie, and even then he kept looking over. Even when we went to bed for the night, he kissed me good night again, again, a rarity for him when we were dating.

We spent the whole weekend together, from Saturday to Sunday, and then I went back to my apartment because we both had work the next day. I was giving him space, only texted him when I made it home because he always expects that when we’re together. I didn’t text him after that, and he texted me that Monday. I didn’t text him after, and he texted me Wednesday. Yesterday he went on a road trip for his job, so I wasn’t going to bother him. Today I’m going to see if he wants to watch a movie tonight or something.

My point is…and this is going to sound stupid, but I’m worried about the signs. I know the girl he dated after me was a rebound, and it seems like things are really changing with him. He’s happier at work. His living situation has improved. He’s genuinely improved as a person. I’m terrified that I’m reading too far into the signs, and being too hopeful that he wants to get back together with me.

I was wondering if you, or anyone else, might have some insight into this, if I’m reading too much into it, or if I’m being stupid and need to just go with the flow because it’s obvious he wants to get back together, or whichever. I really appreciate your guidance. Your advice truly helps, which is why I’m turning to you once again.

Much appreciated.

~ Saline ~

Kara

July 23, 2015 at 8:57 pm

my boyfriend of 2 years and i broke up around 2 months ago. i havent started the no contact period yet, but him and i have talked and met up twice already. he told me he wasnt happy anymore and that he still loved me, but that we couldnt be together anymore.. he told me that we just needed time apart and that in the future we could possibly try again… hhis friend contacted me and told me hes sleeping with another girl, but im not sure if i believe him becuase he has lied in the past, and also my ex hasnt been talking to him, and he likes to hold grudges… but anyway, around a week ago, my ex contacted me and told me that i need to move on, and that he already made up his mind..ive been trying really hard to accept that, but our relationship was so good, and we were always so happy together, we rarely fought, and if we did it was over something stupid that was fixed immediately. i love him, and i wanna be with him again, but i dont know if i should try or if i should just try to move on. do you think its a lost cause?

Strawberry

July 23, 2015 at 6:39 am

Hey Chris!
I love your blog and thanks a lot!!!! My ex broke up with me a year ago (I wasn’t mature enough for him) I haven’t seen him but we texted here and there. He recently texted. I love him and I want him back. Can I still do your plan even after a year?

Dayna

July 22, 2015 at 10:12 pm

Hi Chris,

I think your post is really helpful, still really hard to do. I just got dumped because after several fights about all sorts of things, I decided to incriminate him saying that he cheated on me (which I found out that he didnt), I say I was sorry, and I explained why (because him being away in a trip around asia was really hard, and I, somehow, unconsciously, was trying to push him away), that was the last straw and he said some mean things and he dont talk to me anymore. Do you think we still have a chance?

Rachel

July 22, 2015 at 6:06 pm

Hi my name is Rachel. Please help me I’m dealing with my Ex boyfriend Alexander. I want him back so bad he’s 20 years old. And I’m 21 years old. Please listen to my story.I never really had a boyfriend until I was 19 years old and I’m 21 now my birthday just passed I literally just turned 21. I feel like everyone gives up on me and just forget that I ever existed to them. I hate feeling like I’m not good enough for someone. I really fall hard for people. I kid you not. It always ends the same for me. I find myself always loving more than the other person and questioning why someone can’t ever care and love me the same. I feel like people always feel like I’m going to be here so they always treat me like shit. I’ve always felt ugly because of the things I was always told by my mom and children when I was in school, the bullying stopped after 8th grade but the self hate didn’t. I started hiding from the world. I started to think to myself it doesn’t even matter if I’m skinny or fat or pretty or ugly none of it will make someone stay. But I have a fucked up way of thinking now. I am all messed up in the head. at times like this when I feel like I just want to die and for him to just listen to me and just tell me that everything will be okay. I feel like I’m dying inside because I know that it’s over and he won’t be there. I know that he won’t answer or even show a care. Almost 3 months since I’ve seen him before I seen him on my birthday and I just want to cry and scream right now. I hate the feelings like I’m feeling because I start to feel like everyone’s against me. I don’t like feeling like I don’t have any control and since I’ve been feeling like this I haven’t been wanting to do anything but sleep it’s the only time I don’t feel except when I have dreams about it. And my dreams have haunted me a couple of times. I know that you don’t know but why. Why didn’t he at least try to workout things with me. I tried everything. And nothing worked. It was like everything that I did was wrong. I just can’t help but think that something else is wrong I have fell into deep depressions before but never any like this. I fell so deep I don’t see myself coming back to reality. It’s literally nothing but darkness that I feel and see. I know that something is wrong because it’s been so long. And I still feel the same. The longer the time goes on that he’s gone the worse that the pain gets. I just have been trying to help myself get back together. I will write back quicker. I don’t have but 2 best friends and only talking to one of them at the moment. I don’t really have anyone that’s another reason it’s harder because I’m alone. Completely alone. I can’t talk about stuff like this with my parents or people in general because they feel like it’s not serious and I have more important things to worry about. So people dismiss my feelings:( I seen him for my birthday he completely ruined my birthday. My supposed to be friend Shonquell said that she was touched. Everyone was intoxicated and I believe he touched her because he totally disrespected me and embarrassed me. All of my friends said that he only talked about other girls while he was there and he was picking her up every time she would fall off of the bed. I wasn’t in there so I don’t know what happened but the police got involved and the hotel evicted us on my birthday. It was the worst thing ever. Most hurtful part is that he said he may have did it. Everyone was so out of it no one knows what happen. But we haven’t spoken since my birthday which was almost 2 month ago. I’m just all hurt inside . I just want things to get better. It’s a lot more to that birthday story though. But it’s way more going on. It’ll literally take a lot of time to write. I think about him and miss him everyday. I can’t get him out of my mind and heart. I helped him when he didn’t have anything and I was always there for him. And I checked my MacBook and he left a message that said ‘I will always love you over anything’ and he hasn’t spoken to me in a month today. I’m so tired of him leaving me for long periods of time. I am so hurt and torn. I don’t even know how to pull myself together anymore. Please tell me what to do. I’m losing my mind.

Selina

July 22, 2015 at 11:56 am

Hi Chris. Sorry for my english… He was absolutely good with me, but in last 3 weeks he had a lot of going in his life, had too much stress and he didn’t passed his exams. He was ignoring me, when i said to hin if i bother you i wil leave you alone, he said he is very angry but not at me. He come to see me after few days and he was very calm. He even get jelaous when i said someone writed to me on facebook. But i notice he was some kind of bored and didn’t had so much lust of doing some romantig things. After that i writed him again, he wanted to see me but he was very drunk, iinsisted to see him, he drived drunk. We saw us in the car, but he was like not in mood. This happens to him always when he have stress. And then i said to him we see us next satarday, he said ok. This friday i writed to him, he was ignoring me. I asked why he said he was working. I asked if we see us satarday, he said he don’t know yet, i asked why he said he don’t know. So i said to him do what you want. Then i sent him 10 messages saying that he should admit he don’t want to see me anymore, he was not responding. He read it 5, the other 5 he don’t read it but he was online. Next day, satarday i apologized for stressing him, and i said to him to not be mad at me. He just sent this “:)”. Then i said this means you are not mad. He said nothing. I said i notice you are very bussy, he said nothing again. So i went this night at the club with two male cousins of me, he don’t knows them, they live in other country. And i saw him there!!! With friend of him. I was so angry he have no 2 seconds to write me a message but he does have a time to hang out with his friends. And i was scared he could think of me i am out with two guys, so i went to him and this was the conversation. ” He:Hi Me:Hi. He:With who u are? Me:Cousins. He:Ok(laughing). Me:I writed u a lot, why u didn’t write anything, and say u wil be here? He: I don’t know, i was so angry, i need break from everything. Me:Angry at me? He:No, from everything. Me:For this two years i don’t deserve one message from you (almost crying, he noticed). He:Yes u deserve. Me:So why u didn’t write? He:I was so angry, a lot is going on and i need a break. Me:From me? He:Yes, but only at the moment. I don’t have lust to come to see you. Me:Why u didnt say that in message? He:I can’t say that. Me:Is this end? He:Yes but just in the moment, and now go back to your cousins.” I went to my cousins, he had tears in his eyes while telling me this, but also some words he said it very rude, with rude tone, like i dont want to meet u anymore at the moment. U wanted to go again after him to explain the things, but he hide himself somewhere to smoke, then he left the club. I wanted to write him so much messages but there was no service in my phone all night. So next day when u woke up i changed my mind. I think he had tears in his eyes because he was sorry for me, so then he lied about break, he actually mean it END. Second, i don’t know how is possible someone to loose interest for just 3 weeks. I know i stressed him a lot, but i deserve to be told in face that is end, not ro make me hoping. I didnt writed him sinse satarday, because i found out about NC, but i think that wil make him forget about me easier, thats what he wants, to not bother him, so he dont need to give explanations. I think i should write him, ask him if its end, does he not like me anymore. I know this 3 weeks he was stressed out, but i can’t bealive that because of this he lost interest in me, because he looked so. I think i should apologize myself, he maybe thinks i went to the club to catch him but really not, i had no idea he is there. And what are my chances of getting back with him? I think after all scenes in the club and everything he cuted me off completelly if his life, and now i dont write him he feels free. If he dont likes me anymore and lost his interest, there is ni chance to come back. How is he suposted to like me again? He have birthday 4 august, so i think i should wish him happy birthday, apologize myself, and invite him out. I really dont know what to do. I really need to hear from hin that is end, he is such a coward, he should say it and not lying about a break. So i need to call him to make him admit its end. I dont think so he is going to miss me, how can you miss a person u lost interest??? So i really dont know what to do. He dont likes me, he lost interest in me, he cuted me off of his life, he is now free, he feels great and free he resolved so easy this problem, lying about the break and waiting things to be cold later, so he can be free without explenations. If he still wanted me he would not make this break, and the tears in his eyes are proof he feels sorry for me and couldnt say is end. All i want to do is to make hil like me again, and be with me again. But that is impossible. Please help me, i am dying inside myself. Please 🙁

nikitha

July 22, 2015 at 10:03 am

Chris, for how long do I wait for your reply roughly because I already feel like my ex is forgetting me.

Roxanne

July 21, 2015 at 4:43 pm

Hi Chris! Great article! I do have a question though. My boyfriend just broke up with me after a year and seven months of dating. It’s been 2 weeks since then, and we have had contact, we’ve hung out together and occasionally have kissed. I know it’s wrong cause i allowed it to happen because I was desperate to get him back. We’ve had several conversations about the breakup and he said it was but he got bored and we would argue about the most littlest things. We did have a lot of great memories together even he admitted to it, but he just wasn’t feeling happy the last 3-4 months of our relationship. He said he would always love me no matter what and I said the same. He even said that more than likely I am the one but he wants time to “mess around” I don’t know what he means by that. So my question to you is, is it to late to start the NC time? I want to show him that I can be the girl he wants and I don’t think that by me talking to him everyday will help me cause we won’t get that time to ourselves and forget about the bad memories. Every time I see him I just want to burst out crying, begging him back! It’s crazy!! Now that I read this article I KNOW I NEED to have the no contact time. Is it to late?

KD

July 21, 2015 at 11:44 am

Hello, My ex-boyfriend and I have had a long distance for almost 7 months now. We have had a really strong relationship since the first day we met 10 months ago. We get along super great, we talked and texted everyday, we facetimeed at least twice a week, we wrote letters and e-mail to each other, we hardly to never argue and we like a lot of the same things….We see each other 1 to 2 weekends a month.
Last week, he told me that he couldn’t date me anymore. That we are to different. All of a sudden everything bugged him, my age (I’m older), that I’m a mother and the long distance. All of these issues were discussed before we started dating and he was ok with them.
The night before the break up he told me that he loves me and this past Saturday just a few days after the break up he called me and said it again. He also told me on Saturday “I hates my life, You have no idea how much this is hurting me but we can’t be together, It’s me not you, I’m f**ked up, I love you”. I kept asking him why to some of the things but he wouldn’t answer me.
I’m so confused because things were going so great beyond great and out of the blue this happened. Like I said, we got along perfectly, we laughed, we joked, he liked my cooking… lol, we had an incredible sex life….. Even now, when we have talked on the phone after the break up, we are laughing and joking around (of course not all the time). So I just don’t get it.

After going through a divorce I know exactly what I’m looking for and he is it, he is my everything. Please help me!! I have been doing the NC for the last few days.

nikitha

July 21, 2015 at 10:08 am

Hi Chris. My case is a little different from all the cases you read earlier. I’m from India and I asked my boyfriend to ask his parents to approach my parents for marriage even before we dated properly . The chase was for a year and the dating phase was for about 2 months where we barely met. In the arranged marraige approach also we would be dating but after the parents meet. He said he needs 2 months time for his parents to approach mine and even before he could, they had sudden legal issues to deal with. During that phase I put a lot of pressure on him to make his parents talk to mine , and I acted pretty crazy because of the pressure I was dealing with in my family. I feel this is the reason he broke up with me. I finished the NC but during the texting phase, I got desperate and decided to stop beating around the bush. So, I called to ask him to give me another chance as I felt it was my mistake but he refused while explaining how it would be the same situation and there was no point. So now, if i want to execute your full plan, should I go back to doing NC?

KD

July 20, 2015 at 11:42 pm

Hello, My ex-boyfriend and I have had a long distance for almost 7 months now. We have had a really strong relationship since the first day we met a 10 moths ago. We get along super great, we talked and texted everyday, we facetimeed at least twice a week, we wrote letters and e-mail to each other, we hardly to never argue and we like a lot of the same things.
Last week, he told me that he couldn’t date me anymore. That we are to different. All of a sudden everything bugged him, my age (I’m older), that I’m a mother and the long distance. All of these issues were discussed before we started dating and he was ok with them.
The night before the break up he told me that he loves me and this past Saturday just a few days after the break up he called me and said it again. He also told me on Saturday “I hates my life, You have no idea how much this is hurting me but we can’t be together, It’s me not you, I’m f**ked up, I love you”. I kept asking him why to some of the things but he wouldn’t answer me.
I’m so confused because things were going so great beyond great and out of the blue this happened. Like I said, we got along perfectly, we laughed, we joked, he liked my cooking… lol, we had an incredible sex life….. Even now, when we have talked on the phone after the break up, we are laughing and joking around (of course not all the time). So I just don’t get it.

After going through a divorce I know exactly what I’m looking for and he is it, he is my everything. Please help me!

Lyn

July 18, 2015 at 2:50 pm

Hey Chris,

Thank you for all the information and resources you have.

My situation is a little bit different since I am not even sure if it counts as a “relationship” or just dating. I started talking to this guy in Tinder like 2 weeks after I broke up with my long time bf of 4 years. Initially, I was just on Tinder bc I was bored and needed someone to talk to. We started talking, then we met up and he really really liked me and I really really liked him. I told him from the beginning that I am leaving for grad school out of state in about 1 month, but he always maintained that distance is not an issue for him. After the first date, he even wanted to be in a relationship with me and all. He introduced me to his sister, grandpa and best friend. He ended up breaking things off with me only after 1 month of dating. I know its because I asked for a lot of reassurance, was insecure and somewhat possessive about his time he was spending without me. I completely understood why anyone would be turned off and scared, but I tried to explain to him that I just got out of a relationship, didn’t know if I could trust someone so quickly and that the pressure of my limited time to figure out if he really is a good guy made me very very insecure. I asked him the day he broke things off with me if he would consider dating me again in the future and he said “I don’t like talking about the future because there are so many variables. For now, think of me as not an option. I don’t want to give you any hope. I will still be there for you and can be your friend. You should take time and not get into a relationship right away and just date around.” Chris, what does this mean??
Currently, I am doing the no contact, but I do really really like him and he is a genuine, good guy. Our breakup conversation made me really sad because he come across as if he would never consider dating me again. Is there any chance for rekindling this in the future even if him and I only dated briefly? Since, you are a guy, if you were in his situation, would you consider dating me again? Please help, Thank you in advance 🙂

Rosie

July 18, 2015 at 2:03 pm

Hi Chris,
Ok so, my ex boyfriend is 19 and i am a year older, we just broke up after over a year. Our relationship had no faults besides maybe me being too clingy, i could see our future together as we were perfect for eachother. Not in the high-school sappy kinda way, i knew it was a solid relationship as i’ve been in my fair share, but he hasn’t. His excuse was the good ol’ “it’s not you it’s me” and he just wanted his freedom and didn’t want to commit to anyone right now. This all came as a MASSIVE shock to me as nothing lead to the break-up, no fights no nothing. He went to Europe for a few weeks and he said he didn’t cheat on me, but he has some time to himself to think about what he wanted. I just know he’ll regret it later because we were perfect for each-other and shared an amazing bond, i just know he’s too immature to realise that now. So i’m stuck with still being in love with him and having hopes that one day we will get back together. Is this unreasonable? Or do you think he really is too immature and won’t ever want to get back together?

Xchin

July 18, 2015 at 8:35 am

My boyfriend and I are in LDR. We have been a couple for more than a year, but haven’t met for 5months now. 4 months ago, but we got back together 2 weeks later (Thanks to your site!).
The first months of being together again was so great. I could feel how much he really loved me and even kept on persuading me to marry him and that he’s the right man for me. A few weeks ago, I didn’t have much time with him since I got so busy with work and I went out with friends (which he wanted me to do since we cant be together).
Then he started being cold to me. We fought one night because he told me some problems at work and I gave him advice that I think he didnt accept well because he said I didnt understand him (It’s like I gave him advice without understanding his situation). We argued and that’s when he started to be cold. A week later, I asked him if there’s something he wanted to tell me. He said no. I asked him if he’s happy with me (because I started to feel he wasn’t). That’s when he started saying everything he felt. He said he’s not happy and he never loved me. He just got back with me again after our first breakup because he pitied me (I never begged him and I even asked him many times if he’s sure to get back with me). And he said he never loved me. And we arent perfect for each other. After that night that we talked, I didnt contact with him for a week. I didnt think we already broke up that time so I was thinking I’m still his girlfriend. Last night I told him some good news about my work and he said he’s happy for me and said he fell in love with my smartness. I never thought we broke up. I have some problems now and asked him to talk. He said he was out and we could talk but without video, just voice call. I said if he’s out, it’s ok with me. We can talk some other time. I said, “I love you. Please remember that.” What he replied shocked me. He said, “You’re only saying that to express what you feel, right? You can do it as much as you want but this is the last time. I will delete my Facebook account. Good bye.”
Facebook is our main means of communication. That’s where we send messages. We use skype only when we have videocall, which is not often. I haven’t checked facebook yet if he really deleted his account. I am so devastated now, I don’t know what to do. Could you give me some advice? I love him so much and I know he does too. I just feel I was too cold to him after the first breakup that he was the one who tried hard to make the relationship work. Please, tell me what I should do. Thank you!

Alex

July 16, 2015 at 11:11 am

HI chris ! 🙂 just got dumped on my 2nd anniversary, I would like some advice , i did my research reading/noting as much as your website as i could when i got the messege ‘ we need to talk’ ..preparing my plan, and expecting a typical response from a guy , it was a very emotional break up , we laughed and remised memories , we both said we love each other and he even cried ( never ever seen him cry) , saying he is going to miss me there was nothing wrong with you and how great i was to him, he said he was unhappy, but i think the truth is when i asked him, is it the thought of loosing your freedom , or commitment ect, i get commiment can be scary, so i understood i offered solutions and questioned there was more good than bad why put the relationship at risk? and he said its just how he feels, his not happy. we were a great couple i dont know why he did this , it was like something was twisting his arm forcing him by how much he wanted to hug,hold, check up on me after the break up, saying things like i want to be able contact you still, i said he cant just do that it hurts, however he keeps messeging me more than ever and, about things i would love to watch, i never told you this, and telling me his plans, and he is guna miss me, his sorry ect i ignore those parts but still with the sense of sticking to his descion from his words, i want to start NC only being 2 days ago we split but would it be a good option considering straight away how odd his the one wanting my attention, could he be starting to regret his decision? im avoiding talking about the relationship and being careful what i say replying to things ., i really want to be with him, but should i do NC in this situation .

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