The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Moonbunny

August 15, 2015 at 5:20 am

Hey Chris thanks for your wonderful guide! 🙂 So I’ve been with my ex for 3 years. We broke off mainly because we were in a growing phase and studying different courses and I was acting too clingy since the start of this year. We loved each other deeply but he said ‘letting go’ is easier. I broke up end of June, but I met up with him just one week after the BU (too soon I know) But everything was going fine, we were laughing and stuffs like that and sharing our food. Before he leave he hugged me and told me we should go out eat again. But later that night I made a huge mistake…I told him we should get back together and immediately get pushed away. Started NC after that and it has been more than a month now. I asked him out for dinner again tonight. And he told me he will be returning me my stuffs.. is it that my hope is gone? But I can’t wait to show him I’m the better me now. Confident, bubbly, cheerful and know my priorities 😉 The key is to accept that our old relationship is in the past.. and appreaciate the moment first right? 🙂
Crystal

August 14, 2015 at 7:10 pm

Hi Chris. My ex and I broke up about three months ago. I am 21 and he is 20. We were together for around 3 months, but have known each other for 2 years. He broke up with me, saying that loving me didn’t feel the same. We both go to the same college but were on our way home, which is about 2 hours away from each other. During the time we dated, I had a lot of other things going on that caused me stress and I did not handle it appropriately, which I believe led to him falling out of love. I have resolved these issues and a new, more positive outlook on life. We ended up getting back together a week after we broke up, and then broke up again for the same reason. After that happened, I ended up texting him until I left for military training for a month, during which time we had no contact. However, he did text me the day before I left for training wishing me good luck. Does this 30 day period count as a NC period, even if it was out of my control? I hope it does because I started texting him when I got back.

I initiated contact with him using a good first contact text message. From there I followed your steps and have been bringing up the good memories. When I talk about those, his responses have been hot and cold, but are now mostly neutral. For example, I would send a “do you remember…? text” and he replies with “Yeah I do”. When I send texts, it usually takes a while for him to respond (aka hours). I have gotten positive and neutral responses while texting and have moved to the tactic 2/3/4 stage of the heart to heart stage. I have been using your system for 2-3 weeks, but I am not sure I am making progress.

I am not sure if I am texting him wrong….do I continue to use the first contact/remembering the good times texts to initiate contact? After that what do you suggest we talk about? Do I start a regular conversation with him (aka how’s your day/ect)? I am also confused because he still likes a lot of my pictures on Facebook and Instagram, and don’t know what it means. I need some guidance here, please…
sri

August 14, 2015 at 11:48 am

Hey chris
I actually was on no contact rule but i broke it after 15 days
I rushed in too much and on the same day i asked him about our relationship to which he obviously said no
I am again doing the no contact
But after finishing the no contact how should i contact him because i have already used the text idea that you mentioned in the article

Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 3:54 pm

I will have a texting bible book out this week. You will have to do a strict no contact for 30 days. 15 days is way to soon. Did he try to contact you at all during the 15 days?

Anya

August 13, 2015 at 11:11 pm

my boyfriend broke up with me once and then we got back together because he told me that he feels things are different and I am different (I did the ex boyfriend recovery thing). Now, things were perfect between us except for his family hates me. He got a second dui and literally two hours after telling me he wants to fight for us, he broke up with me. He doesn’t want to talk about it, and cannot see me in person because he thinks he would want to get back together. I thought maybe he was done with me because he told me he thinks he never loved me… But his actions aren’t matching up with what he feels. He has kept his main profile picture on whatsapp and Facebook of us, even though in the past, he’s been conscious of changing it immediately after he has felt we don’t belong. I feel like he’s torn and confused with me and his family.. What do you feel?
Kim

August 13, 2015 at 3:15 am

Hi Chris,
I have been going out with a guy I met online for almost 3 months. We live approximately 90 miles apart. We talked about the distance in the beginning and he said it was no big deal. Now he has broken up with me, totally ignored my calls and texts for 4 days then sends me a message saying he just didn’t think the distance thing would work out. He says he isn’t seeing anyone else and I did nothing wrong. I started the NC today, but any advice on whether it can really work with us living 90 miles apart? We both have kids in school, so weekends are basically the only time we can see each other, and he has his son most weekends because of his ex’s profession. Thank you so much.
NC_Is_Easy

August 12, 2015 at 10:14 pm

Hi Chris,

Recently, my bf and i broke up, i would say it was mutual bc he felt pressured to have me move in. I also wasn’t the best gf and eventually we both checked out. I love him so much and I want to change things for the better. I used NC a while ago the first time he broke it off and of course, he came back. I’m wondering if nc will work a second time and right now he’s out of town w/ his sick mom. Not sure if I should break NC to let him know I’m here for him, one of his biggest issues was he felt like i didn’t have his back.

Thanks for helping through this time! You’re a saint 🙂

Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 4:06 pm

Hey NC should work again although it gets more difficult each time you do it. Try to mend the relationship before you break up next time. 🙂 * I know sometimes that’s very hard to do but it’s easier then breaking up and going out a bunch of times.

Dawn Ventura

August 12, 2015 at 2:14 am

Hello, Chris!

The first time I wrote on my Search Box “how to get back with your ex boyfriend”, this was the FIRST one to pop up BUT not my first choice. After reading the first two or three links, I finally decided to click yours – your work changed me. I have decided to not really communicate with my ex of 3 years (he just broke up with me 4 days ago). Those years were really wonderful, but not bullet proof. Most of the time we were happy, but of course, not every relationship is perfect so we have sad times. Our problems were “petty” but it seemed to take its toll on, well mostly on him. He decided to “give-up” and said sorry and that we need space for our career. I am 24 years old, I live in the Philippines (MABUHAY!) and I am happily employed. He is turning 24 in a month and a few weeks also employed.

So let’s talk about more the getting-him-back process. As you have read, I have a legitimate goal/reason in getting him back. Both of us are happy more often than sad. We were the very best of friends, that’s why I was shocked he chose the break up over our love and happy moments (why do guys do that?). My only questions is, what if my ex stumbled upon this page also and he is also doing the NC rule? Or what if he found this a little bit later than I? Should I just keep calm and believe?

If ever you reply, thank you so much, Chris. I have answered my question but it’s nice to know what’s yours. 🙂 Have a great day!

Sincerely,
Dawn Ventura
Liz

August 12, 2015 at 1:38 am

Hi Chris,
my boyfriend of about 8 months just broke up with me because “his heart is elsewhere” we go to different colleges and have both just been home for the summer in our same home town. The day after he broke up with me he defriended me from Facebook and unfollowed me from Instagram. This upset me because I feel as if I am nothing to him now. The last month of our relationship has been quite rocky and I feel as if he was already done with us before he even broke up with me. Im worried he will leave for college in about a week and forget about our whole relationship. I am trying the NC rule but just am not sure if he will even notice because he seems so done. Just making sure this is still the best choice for me to make so I don’t completely disappear from his mind.
Claire

August 11, 2015 at 5:14 pm

Hi Chris,
So I have been dating someone for 3 months, we always had a fantastic time together (he said so himself, even say ours was the best first date he had ever been on) though 2 weeks ago he called things off….he cried asked calling it off. Later that day he admitted he may have made a mistake and needed time to think, so we carried on talking as friends. Then I found out the week he asked for time to think he had met with another girl from his gym, they have on 2 dates in total now. He admitted he is still unsure what to do about him and I (we spoke about giving it another go) he even told this girl about me and our situation, and him and her haven’t had another date since. He asked me to meet him this Thursday and I agreed, so we could see how we feel.
Last night three days before we were due to meet up it all reached a head he admitted he didn’t feel comfortable meeting me, it wouldn’t be fair on the other girl (though I believe they are no longer seeing each other as that’s what I hear through friends) and right now it feels too soon for us to be friends. So we told each other to take care and stopped speaking. We are having no contact, though he does still follow me on social media.
So do I still follow the no contact rule for 30 days? Then follow the steps from there?
Or do I have to take a different approach as we both have already said goodbye to each other and we are not having contact?
Brittany

August 9, 2015 at 2:31 am

Your articles are helping me through this time! I am 23, my ex is 27 and we work at the same place, different departments. My ex broke up with me 4 days ago. There was a lot of love between us, we dated for 8 months before the break up. He said I was mean and disrespectful and didn’t put as much effort in it as him. We also just dealt with a miscarriage so I know with all my emotions, I especially wasn’t kind to him and didn’t work on being better because I had a tough time with the lost. Your articles reminded me that I need to take 30 days no contact to work on myself & things that I did upset him. It will also help me see if it’s worth it to try to get him back after NC. I also want time to heal that he left me during a difficult time for both of us, but it’s positive so we can both work on ourselves hopefully. I love him so much. I hope it all works out for the better 🙂

Angeli

August 12, 2015 at 6:40 pm

Hi Chris, my boyfriend say a lot of things to me recently like I am crazy that I added his friends on facebook. He did not listen to my side and he said if he wants to be me as a friend then Dont call again. He said that to me and he blame in everything. I never tried to do the NC but I am planning to do it. I just want him to listen to me. He was so upset awhile ago and doesn’t want to talk to me. He said he is happy in his life. And he said I was calling him always but I swear o did my best not to make him feel those. He said he’s giving me opportunity to find other that I can bother. He did not listen to me. he really broke my heart I just don’t know if how you think he would talk to me or atleast listen to me? I will appreciate if you reply 🙁

Lizzy

August 9, 2015 at 12:19 am

Hi Chris! My boyfriend and I broke up 4 weeks ago after being together almost a year and a half . I did contact him after a week to see where his mind was , but he seemed so mad at me for ignoring him the first week after he broke up with me. He explained to me that the reason he wanted to take a “break” from us because he feels like all of his goals in life have fell off track and he needed time to put things back in order with his life and family and everything … He does have a lot of stress on him because of his mom expects him to be the man of her house … He went on saying he wasn’t happy but it wasn’t me and thru out the convo he said that it wasn’t me it was him and thought it was unfair to me to tag me along when he’s in this type of place in his life. I am 100% supportive of him and his goals and just of him as a person from day one! He’s has brought up U.S. Having kids together and U.S. Being married and continuing to build are life’s together .. His action has also showed me also … Until a couple weeks before the break up ..So I’m really confuse as too why would somebody let somebody go if they have told them your the person they want to have a life with and they can’t see anyone else coming in and taking you place cause I’m the best girlfriend he’s ever had and he’s had a lot of girls he’s dated ! P.s I’m still on his Facebook and instagram he’s deleted pictures but has continue to keep me on their. HELP!
Lady

August 8, 2015 at 11:39 pm

Hi Chris,
I’ve been dating this guy for almost a year and we lived in two different cities. Lately I’ve moved to the same city as him for my own reason but our problems still haven’t gone away. I was having issues with is lack of presence in my life and so we met up to talk about it. At first he was asking what he could do to fix it but I wasn’t able to ask him what I wanted him to do because I felt bad. He said that he felt bad because he seemed to slowly making me feel sadder and sadder as time went on and he wasn’t even sure if I wanted him. I ended up telling him that I loved him for the first time. After a while he said he didn’t understand why but he couldn’t say that he felt the same way. We were really happy when we were together and we shared similar views and I was not expecting him to end it. He said that it wasn’t fair to me and that he was sorry but that he wants to be in my life because he thinks I’m “awesome” and we have good times. He also said he wants to help me through my emotional stuff. Basically he wants to be friends. I was so mad he said he understands if I need time, but I said I didn’t think the time was right for me to say what I said, I didn’t care about any of it I just really didn’t want this of all things to happen. He said we should meet up tomorrow to talk about it. He’s everything I could want in a man and I can see how I drove him away but he seems really upset when I tell him that I can’t be in his life as his friend. He could be leaving in the next few months for work and I don’t know what to do.

Chris Seiter

August 13, 2015 at 12:37 pm

Read the post on Long Distance Relationships. That should help you.

Ellie

August 8, 2015 at 11:39 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex and I had a huge fight two weeks ago that started out political and then turned very personal. Things were said on both sides and his parents got involved. They were reading the angry texts and calling me names. I went too far out of anger by calling them crazy and we broke up. After two weeks, we talked about the fight and he said that it was mostly the fight but that he also wasn’t happy because he didn’t feel he was getting enough attention. But he also said something I found odd. He said “this can’t work anymore because I can’t do that to my parents or my friends.” After that conversation, I restarted a 30 day NC but I am wondering if he has been talking about me with his friends and family if they could keep him from ever being able to be with me. How important are they in this process? Is there anything I can do to fix that?

Chris Seiter

August 13, 2015 at 12:36 pm

It sounds like his friends and family have been saying bad things about you but he hasn’t told you. They can’t keep him from you but you will have to “play the game” and be super nice to them when you finally see him again. Don’t apologize for anything in the relationship when you end up talking again. After 30 days he will most likely forget a lot of this stuff and they will stop talking about you by then so your chances will be better.

ORI

August 8, 2015 at 8:59 pm

Hey Chris, my ex boyfriend and I broke up almost 3 months ago and I am finishing my NC in some days…but I am scared to take the risk and text/ask him to go out.
I really don’t know what to say to him after so many weeks without contact…any ideas?
Thank you so much for this amazing guide 🙂
Barbara

August 8, 2015 at 3:48 am

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend just broke off our twelve years relationship and I’m completely devastated. We did not live together during all this time.
He is leaving for a five month working contract abroad thousands of miles from me and will consequently have a different and exiting live from what is he used to have here.
Would a nc period work in these circumstances?
Thanks for your advice.
B

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 6:16 pm

Yes but it will have to be long no contact periods since he will be gone for so long. I’d advise you to date other people since you are broken up while he is gone. You will most likely have to make a decision if you want him back when he comes back. It’s likely he will want you back when he gets back.

Linda

August 7, 2015 at 1:19 pm

Hi Chris. My boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago after two years as we have already been doing long distance for the last year, but now he has a new job which means he’ll be busy and he is convinced that we won’t have time for eachother. I have been reluctant to do NC because we have still seen eachother intimately a few times since (the only occasions where we have been in the same city). He has told me that he doesn’t feel differently towards me, and we still speak nearly every day. However he has made it clear that he’s not going to change his decision on us as he is convinced that it will end badly. We now will not be in the same city again unless one of us makes the effort to go to the other, and we have spoken about meeting up before he starts his job in a months time… However if I start NC surely this is impossible? I’m not sure of the best thing to do. He’s not the most emotional of guys.
China

August 6, 2015 at 8:07 pm

Hi Chris. My ex boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. He told me he still wants to be close friends and hang out and stuff. We have texted almost everyday since then, just small conversation. He wanted to be a “thing” and maybe try again in the future, but backed out soon afterwards. Anyways, if I use the NC rule, won’t he grow deep resentment towards me, since I would suddenly be ignoring him after we’ve texted everyday and he wanting to be good friends? I really want him back and I’m willing to do NC, but I’m scared during that time he will begin to hate me. What should I do?

Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 9:29 pm

For doing the NC?

If he hates you for that you probably wouldn’t want to be with him in the first place but don’t be intimidated by him.

Trust me NC is the right decision.

Mili

August 6, 2015 at 4:44 am

Hi,

He broke up with me four months ago, we were writting somethimes , i trought since he was being nice and lovely again maybe he wanted to come back but it wasnt…i discover he was dating someone else for about 3 weeks and i called him ” why you played with my feelings knowing that i love you “after that i told him not to contact me again because it wasnt right for her and for me.Then I found your page and also found my own mistakes ..so i decided to start from cero with no contact and happend the next.

I have a horrible but HORRIBLE problem with no contact rule right now…I have do it for 15 days and my ex text me “i know you said to me not to call you .etc etc (and other voctimized words) but i cant, i want to know about you and more now because your birthday is soon (5 dias more) forgive me to writte to you”

He writte that …what to do..if he calls me to greet me on my birthday i will have to ignore him or just be polite and say thanks??? What to do.

I will apreciate a help with this matter.
( by the way.english is not my mother lenguaje but i tried my best.)

Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 9:40 pm

Just ignore him if you are in NC.

TASHA

August 3, 2015 at 10:45 pm

ok so im going to try and make this short and sweet…my bf of 4 years had recently broke it off about two months ago although, we still lived together for a month until i moved out in the beggining of july..we have a 2 yr old son together btw so we have to contact each other due to our child..when we was broke up but still living together we still acted as a couple just with out the sex and kissing on lips..once i moved out he completely stopped acting as if we were together(though we werent a couple) but tells me he still loves me and still considers me as his best friend and still wants to keep in touch…also his reason for breakup was during an argument and said he wasnt happy not just with us but life in general and wanted to concentrate on bettering himself but put alot of blame on me of the problems in our relationship…since the break up weve been argueing about our relationship and such and im very hurt by his decision and miss him and seem to obsess over him….well since august 1st ive been doing the NC rule and trying to not contact him unless he initiates it and have only spoke to him about our son or gave the phone directly to our son to avoid contact and once he finished with him i tell him i gotta go and hang up…well today he msgs me on fb and says that since i dnt want to speak to him tht he wont contact me unless it was about our son and told me good luck with life…should i continue with the NC rule?…i feel like its counter productive and will draw him away from me for good..please reply with some insight..

Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 10:44 pm

Continue on.

He is just throwing a hissy fit because things aren’t going his way and he is losing control.

Classic guy thing to do.

Sian

July 30, 2015 at 8:46 am

Hi,

My boyfriend split up with me about a month ago. He said I was jealous and insecure and that I made him feel trapped. Since splitting, I have spoken, text and met up with him. he has suggested that we are friends in the future as he has too much love and respect for me to cut me out of his life completely. I obviously did not want the relationship to end but he has pinned all blame onto me. Even though I have changed aspects of my own life (living accommodation) when we met up we talked about the future, then he termed it as a hypothetical conversation. I just feel confused.

Sam

August 3, 2015 at 4:55 pm

I am in the exact same position. My boyfriend split up with me a month ago. I acted needy & clingy during the relationship as I was really stressed out so I made sure I stuck to no contact for a month. We met up this weekend at his request after he texted and phoned me. He says that he misses me and loves me but he can’t give me what I want but he wants to be friends as he misses talking to me and doesn’t want to lose me from his life. I told him that I can’t be friends as it is too hard for me at this time. I love him and want him back, I just don’t know what to do? Have I messed things up completely?

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8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”