I Unfriended My Ex On Facebook... What Do I Do?

104 thoughts on “EBR 062: I Unfriended My Ex Boyfriend On Facebook… What Do I Do?”

Jenn

October 13, 2016 at 6:36 pm

My ex and I got into a fight a little over a week ago, when he broke up with me. He wanted to stay friends, but I told him that wasn’t possible.

He was upset with me, and he deleted me from FB right away. Then he told me to lose his number and never text to call him again, then told me I was blocked.

He then calmed down, and he friend requested me again on FB. I had already read your articles about NC, and so far I am on day 9. I did not accept his friend request, because I was afraid I would be tempted to stalk his FB during this painful time.

Did I make a mistake? Should I friend him again after this NC period is over? I am afraid to do so, because it was harder posting things on FB and him NOT liking it and liking all my friends statuses, then to not have him see them at all. It just feels less painful to me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 9:00 pm

Hi Jenn,

that’s good that you didn’t approve it now.. It would be better to approve when you’ve already started building rapport.

Alicja

October 5, 2016 at 7:48 pm

Hello everyone ! I am not English, so I’m sorry for my possibly mistakes in text. When I have been looking for advice what to do, to make my Ex back ( he left me about 3 weeks ago) I found your page. Please, tell me – does No Contact Rule work even then if my boyfriend told me that he has stoped love me?? < He doesnt need realtionship with anybody, he prefer to live alone . what to do now? Is any chance to get him back ? ps. No there isn’t another woman in his live

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 7, 2016 at 4:04 pm

Hi Alicja,

if he said he doesn’t love you anymore, that more probably means he lost desire. There’s not guarantee that the no contact rule will work but it would be better if you try it. So, that you won’t look like you’re chasing him and that you start to heal and improve yourself. That means you can’t like his posts too. Just focus in improving yourself.. be active in posting in social media but don’t stalk his account.

riley

October 2, 2016 at 7:16 pm

I deleted my ex on the day he broke up with me a week ago. What if my ex tries to re-add me on facebook during NC? Should I accept it? He wants to get back together but it’s only been a week. I am afraid he will continue to be hot and cold, and I feel we need more time apart. Should I ignore his emails and friend request?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 5, 2016 at 9:16 am

Hi Riley,

since he asked for you back,.talk to him.. tell him why you’re having second thoughts on taking him back

Liz

October 2, 2016 at 5:33 pm

Hi Chris,
I just watched your podcast about unfriending your ex…a week too late. My ex and I were together for almost 2 years. However, there was some dishonesty on his part and he wouldn’t talk to me, he walked away. I have a relationship with his sister and asked her for advice (my intentions were just to get answers) with the situation (she knew the person). When he found out he was angry. We broke up officially. He said he doesn’t hate me, could never hate me, but resents what I did. Even though he wouldn’t address the problem. Do you think we will talk again, will he reach out, or are we done? We are in nc day 10.

Liz

October 19, 2016 at 12:54 am

She has created multiple FB accounts, pretends to be these people and has sent me messages about him. This time, she mentioned things about my job which has caused me to inform my boss. Clearly, there’s some reason she’s doing this.
I just don’t know why he would block me. I have not tried to contact him since being in NC except for needing to know who she is, that’s how I found out he has me blocked.
Is he just playing games by the whole “always your friend”, “we’ll see what the future holds”, sending the picture, and blocking me? Is he thinking he’s punishing me or something like he controls the contact or something. Why the games? He either wants to talk or not. How hard is it to communicate that? Granted, by doing all this isn’t he communicating a message as well? I did go right back into NC mode.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 20, 2016 at 8:09 pm

well whatever he did with her,.it looks like he’s ok with starting out as friends but not now.. I think he wants to be sure that you’ve moved on..
Liz

October 18, 2016 at 1:18 am

So Amor,
I have been in NC for 24 days now. His birthday came and went without me contacting him. Unfortunately, now the so-called other girl (the reason we broke up along with his dishonesty about it) has been harassing me via FB under different accounts. I was told to get a photo of her, so I contacted him (found out I was blocked) for the info. He eventually responded via text and email, gave me the info, we emailed back and forth a few times. I mentioned I hoped we could talk one day. His response was “We’ll see what the future holds with a talk some day . You take care Liz. Always your friend—-.” Oh, then he reblocked me. Which I don’t understand considering he was the one dishonest, although I do admit to reaching out to his sister.
Is this the proverbial kiss off? I’ve just gone back into NC. Is it time to move on?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 18, 2016 at 10:12 pm

how did the other girl harass you? I think it’s too early to say..but dont break nc again
Liz

October 9, 2016 at 4:27 am

Thank you! How long do I stay in no contact mode? Do I eventually reach out to him if he doesn’t?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 10, 2016 at 9:01 pm

Do at least 30 days and be active in improving yourself during and after it.. you can initiate a text after 30 days
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 5, 2016 at 3:43 pm

Hi Liz,

I think he was irritated because he doesnt want you to get his family involved with your relationship problems.. just let him cool down by staying in nc

Ali

October 1, 2016 at 1:27 am

Hi- I’m hoping you can help me. I broke up with my Boyfriend 7 months ago. We were together 4 years. We lived together for a year, but he cheated on me for 5 months, and though we tried to work through it, the fighting got too much, and he moved out. Since then it’s been a roller coaster. Sometimes we get along great, there have been a few weeks where we didn’t talk because I told him I couldn’t be friends (then ones of us will reach out) , and we’ve slept together multiple times. Sometimes I miss him so much, or get lonely, that I will agree to see him. This past couple weeks he’s been texting me almost every day, and had invited me over or to go out every day for the last week. I convinced myself that if I had no expectations, I could spend time with him, and I wouldn’t get hurt. Of course, that wasn’t ok. I sent him a text yesterday that said I loved him with all my heart, but I couldn’t be with him if he couldn’t make a commitment. I couldn’t be his buddy that he sleeps with because I need romance and commitment. I said I adored him, but I needed some space to think about things. He never responded. He’s always been a bit of a womanizer, so part of me thinks he’ll never change, and it’s time to walk away. Part of me misses him like crazy. We are both in our late 40’s, and he’s never gone this long without a girlfriend, and he’s never dated anyone as long as he dated me. Am I going myself to think he’ll change and want to commit?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 3, 2016 at 3:50 pm

Hi Ali,

you can’t force him to change so the best you can do is to be strict with yourself. Don’t enable him. Don’t sleep with him again. DO 45 days no contact and just focus in improving yourself. After it, slowly build rapport with him. If it doesn’t work out, move on.

Vera

September 28, 2016 at 7:53 pm

Hi Chris,

I’m on day 24 of nc after months of kind of being in the friend zone with my ex. We had a phenomenal relationship, but were never officially dating. We stopped seeing each other because he says he’s not happy with himself and wants to figure out some stuff before he gets into another (he’s never really had casual) relationship. After ghosting me for a month, we met and he apologized, saying that he couldn’t hang out with me one on one because things between us were too “effortlessly intimate” and the chemistry was “undeniably powerful and very rare”, but he didn’t want to be in a relationship right now as he doesn’t want to bring a “cool girl” down with him. He also said that he couldn’t trust me that if we hung out that it wouldn’t get intimate again, and I take it that he also means he can’t trust himself, even if he can’t admit it (am I right??). I agreed to have a text only relationship with him, even though I hate it and he knows this. Any time getting back together or meeting came up, he’d say that nothing had changed for him and that he’s sorry about it. I figured that giving him his space to figure things out was fair, considering I know what it’s like and I’d been in a similar situation when we met and didn’t respond well to his advances at the time.
The text relationship carried on for about 5 months, during which time he definitely wasn’t dating anyone, and we would have fun chats multiple times a week. He would often tell me if he was having trouble with something emotionally or what he was up to, and we were pretty good at cheering each other up/making each other laugh. Until he told me he rejoined tinder. He said he’s not interested in dating and not looking for a girlfriend out of it, but why the hell would he tell me any of that!?
I didn’t respond negatively, but told him it hurt and said that he needs to do what’s right for him and have not reached out since.
When I say I’m doing nc, I really mean it, although I had already blocked (now unblocked but not followed) him on instagram, and we have not been friends on Facebook since he ghosted me. We do follow each other on twitter though and he has recently started liking more of my tweets. I’m fitter than I have been in years and have an active and fun life, so I post about that stuff.
I know you say above that it does have significance (liking posts on social media), and I trust you, but I’m still a bit worried that when I can finish nc, that things won’t have changed for him and he still won’t come back. I am going away for 3 weeks on the day that a 30 day nc would end, and am not sure whether to extend this to 45 or 60 to give him more space and to just enjoy my trip. I know him liking my posts is his subtle way of making me think about him, but it’s actually driving me crazy because he and I have talked about this before and I know he will fall into the “what do you mean, it’s just a like”. He’s also really stubborn, so I know he’s not likely to reach out to me first.

I guess I’d really love to know what the hell he’s thinking and if any of this is a good sign or not. This is the longest we’ve gone without talking in nearly a year.
Thanks for your awesome website and helping us ladies (and gents) through the really crazy and confusing world of love.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 2:34 pm

Hi Vera,

No contact will not change his mind. It will not make him commit. It can help but it certainly is not the reason he will commit. And I’m pretty sure it will take some time after no contact for him to do that because you already had a 5 month text only relationship, so if he’s going to go back, he’ll probably try it that way again. I think you should extend to 45 and then slowly build rapport after that.. Try dating others too.. whether or groups or just one on one dates

Vera

September 28, 2016 at 7:53 pm

Hi Chris,

I’m on day 24 of nc after months of kind of being in the friend zone with my ex. We had a phenomenal relationship, but were never officially dating. We stopped seeing each other because he says he’s not happy with himself and wants to figure out some stuff before he gets into another (he’s never really had casual) relationship. After ghosting me for a month, we met and he apologized, saying that he couldn’t hang out with me one on one because things between us were too “effortlessly intimate” and the chemistry was “undeniably powerful and very rare”, but he didn’t want to be in a relationship right now as he doesn’t want to bring a “cool girl” down with him. He also said that he couldn’t trust me that if we hung out that it wouldn’t get intimate again, and I take it that he also means he can’t trust himself, even if he can’t admit it (am I right??). I agreed to have a text only relationship with him, even though I hate it and he knows this. Any time getting back together or meeting came up, he’d say that nothing had changed for him and that he’s sorry about it. I figured that giving him his space to figure things out was fair, considering I know what it’s like and I’d been in a similar situation when we met and didn’t respond well to his advances at the time.
The text relationship carried on for about 5 months, during which time he definitely wasn’t dating anyone, and we would have fun chats multiple times a week. He would often tell me if he was having trouble with something emotionally or what he was up to, and we were pretty good at cheering each other up/making each other laugh. Until he told me he rejoined tinder. He said he’s not interested in dating and not looking for a girlfriend out of it, but why the hell would he tell me any of that!?
I didn’t respond negatively, but told him it hurt and said that he needs to do what’s right for him and have not reached out since.
When I say I’m doing nc, I really mean it, although I had already blocked (now unblocked but not followed) him on instagram, and we have not been friends on Facebook since he ghosted me. We do follow each other on twitter though and he has recently started liking more of my tweets. I’m fitter than I have been in years and have an active and fun life, so I post about that stuff.
I know you say above that it does have significance (liking posts on social media), and I trust you, but I’m still a bit worried that when I can finish nc, that things won’t have changed for him and he still won’t come back. I am going away for 3 weeks on the day that a 30 day nc would end, and am not sure whether to extend this to 45 or 60 to give him more space and to just enjoy my trip. I know him liking my posts is his subtle way of making me think about him, but it’s actually driving me crazy because he and I have talked about this before and I know he will fall into the “what do you mean, it’s just a like”. He’s also really stubborn, so I know he’s not likely to reach out to me first.

I guess I’d really love to know what the hell he’s thinking and if any of this is a good sign or not. This is the longest we’ve gone without talking in nearly a year.
Thanks for your awesome website and helping us ladies (and gents) through the really crazy and confusing world of love.

Vera

September 30, 2016 at 5:42 pm

Hi Amor,

That’s excellent advice and thank you for replying.
I am already dating other people, because I don’t think I should have to wait around for him to figure himself out. It’s just hard when I know that we both feel the same way about each other, but the timing is all wrong.
I’ll definitely give it a shot and see what happens anyway, as there’s no harm in trying…

Will let you know how it pans out.
Thanks again!
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 1, 2016 at 8:18 pm

we’ll love to hear what happens anx thank you too!
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 2:35 pm

Hi Vera,

No contact will not change his mind. It will not make him commit. It can help but it certainly is not the reason he will commit. And I’m pretty sure it will take some time after no contact for him to do that because you already had a 5 month text only relationship, so if he’s going to go back, he’ll probably try it that way again. I think you should extend to 45 and then slowly build rapport after that.. Try dating others too.. whether or groups or just one on one dates

Kevyn

September 28, 2016 at 1:15 pm

I wanted to add something as well
I’m still in the rapport building process with my ex, but in the meantime I’ve set my Facebook profile posts to be viewable by “friends of friends” instead of fully public, since we have mutuals. So if you aren’t comfortable going fully public, that is an alternative so it’ll allow him to see what you’re doing.
Lisa

September 27, 2016 at 11:16 pm

Hi, my boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. Everytime we talk we will argue over little things and he’ll flip flop his mind on what he wants. He will go to my friends saying he wants to be with me but he dosent know what his parents will think about it (he’s really close to his family and likes their approval on everything). Then the other day he’s all asking my friends what I was doing over the weekend and asking who I hung out with. I guess he got mad because he found out I was hanging out with a few guy friends and afterwards blocked me on everything except for texting. I haven’t texted him asking him about it because I know he wants a reaction out of me. I never had been in a situation like this about an ex and I don’t know what to do.

Lisa

October 1, 2016 at 2:45 pm

I don’t understand why he had to block me and everything. The only thing he didn’t block me on was snapchat and through text. But I’m blocked through Facebook and snapchat
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 4, 2016 at 4:27 pm

more likely it’s to help him hurt less
Lisa

September 30, 2016 at 12:57 am

I’m 18 and he’s 19. And we were together for a little more than 4 months
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 1, 2016 at 2:07 pm

Ah, that’s why. He’s still young. He doesn’t have the capacity or the maturity to stand up on his own yet. You can’t force him to do that. That’s for him to learn. The best you can do is try the no contact rule, and just focus in improving yourself.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 29, 2016 at 5:16 am

Hi lisa,

how old is your ex and how long were you together?

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104 thoughts on “EBR 062: I Unfriended My Ex Boyfriend On Facebook… What Do I Do?”