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205 thoughts on “EBR 046: Can You Ever Break The No Contact Rule?”

  1. Avatar

    Lou

    September 20, 2016 at 7:29 pm

    My ex and I were together for two and a half years. We made eachother happy and were completely best friends. Since the breakup I’ve realised that we were so perfectly matched, he was the male version of me.

    For the last 6 months or so we moved closer to the point we spent most nights together and all weekends, and I think we stopped appreciating eachother. He then started a new job and spending less time with me and we argued a lot over the final 6 weeks or so..

    After trying to end it I convinced him to give us a shot, that the risk of losing him had made me realise how much none of the arguments mattered.. And it was going well.. So I thought. Then out of the blue two weeks later I catch him messaging a girl from work (which he says was innocent) and he ends things. Says he “knows that we can’t make eachother happy” and it’s best in the long run..

    He genuinely seemed to find the breakup hard, but he “knew it was the right thing” and no begging or crying by me could convince him otherwise.

    That day I messaged him several times long depressing missing him messages, but since then have been cold turkey.

    It’s now day 10 of no contact and I really am starting to feel better, that I don’t need him but I still miss him and want him in my life – he was my best friend.

    My concern is that the longer I wait the more he will get over me, especially if he had a few week head start on me and had wanted to break up for a while.. And if he was ready to move on with someone else then is it really helpful to make it easier for him by removing myself completely from his life ? I know he’s stubborn and he kept saying that he couldn’t be around me or talk to me because it was “too hard” and he wants to just “run away”.. And no I know for how much is easier I’m finding it by not talking to him..

    I don’t want to lose my chance

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 22, 2016 at 5:54 pm

      Hi Lou,

      if he moved on, then that means you need to portray that you did too and that you’re not chasing him. That when he sees you he would notice that you have really improved and changed and the new you would just remind him of the good times and not the girl that he moved on from.

  2. Avatar

    Gigi

    August 29, 2016 at 4:32 am

    I want to ask. I broke the no contact rule in 21 days. I read the 7 factors that chris wrote, and i have 4 factors to break but without the golden factor. So should i start over the no contact rule from day 1? Or what i suppose to do?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 30, 2016 at 8:32 pm

      Hi Gigi,
      you mean he reached out but all were negative?

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    ELLE

    August 28, 2016 at 12:53 pm

    Hi! i’ve been doing NC rule for a week. He called me like a frantic caller. He’s never be like this.. I ignored all of his call. The next day he didn’t call me, he just send me a text that “why do i ignore him?” Is it a good sign for me that he still interested in me? Should I keep doing NC rule? I’m afraid that when time pass, he will give up. or he didn’t even care of me. he just lonely that why he called me. What should I do?..

    1. Avatar

      Amy

      September 9, 2016 at 4:32 pm

      Yeah, my ex did like that I am still unsure if I should break NC rule too.

  4. Avatar

    Anne

    August 25, 2016 at 11:36 pm

    Hi, so I started the no contact rule about a week ago, he reached out to me twice and i answered a question regarding school but ended the conversation. We dated a little over a year, broke up because he saw me more of a best friend, and told me he really hopes we come back into each others lives down the road. I found out today that I need surgery to remove a tumor… I want to reach out to him about this because he knows I’ve been in pain and now theres an answer. Would this be an okay reason to break the no contact rule? Or should i not tell him so he sees how i am strong even without him.
    Thank you!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 29, 2016 at 2:17 pm

      Hi Anne,

      he wants to friendzoned you.. I know you need support in this trying time but aside from him, do you have any other support.. So, in that in that way, you’ll lessen the likelihood of being friendzoned

  5. Avatar

    Lisa

    August 23, 2016 at 4:24 pm

    I have a question.

    Ive been and lived together with my ex for 3 years. He broke up with me a little more than a month ago (40 days to be exact) because he wasnt inlove anymore and wanted te enjoy the “single” life again. I also know that he met a girl during our relationship who i guess helped him realize that and he is currently dating her (casually i think). As far as i know there was nothing really wrong with our relationship and we didnt break up in a fight. I tried to start the no contact rule the day after i texted him i missed him and he ofcourse didnt reply with things i wanted to hear (that was 21 days ago) but in the mean time he did text me a few times in a friendly way about stuff like if i remembered his password for something, if i still receive his mail to this house and stuff like that. I do reply to them and sometimes afterwards we have a short but friendly conversation ( i do know that he is not just trying to talk to me). Next week he is also coming to pick up his TV (because he is getting a new apartment then) so i will also see him then. So its safe to say that this no contact rule of mine isnt really going as planned. What do i do? I dont have the feeling he is already missing me in any way so do i start the no contact rule again after he came to pick up his TV? I by the way also know that he is very occcupied with work, school, friends, going out, dating, so i wonder if he is ever going to get the chance to even realize that he might even miss me.

    i could really use some good advice!

    P.S.
    Does it also mean i shouldnt post pictures on social media of me going out and stuff during the NC?

    1. Avatar

      Lisa

      September 18, 2016 at 3:59 pm

      UPDATE

      He randomly texted me that he wanted me to know that he isn’t dating that girl anymore (i think because he knows that really hurt me) so that gave me a little bit of hope, though i still think he just wants to be friends. Tomorrow i’m going to visit his new home and I think i can put that under the category “small date” and move up from there. The only problem is that in 5 days i am going on vacation for a month, so how should i handle it from there?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 18, 2016 at 8:33 pm

      nope.. that’s not your first date.. don’t jump into rushing things just because of one sign.. that’s one of the common mistakes.. restart the nc count, once you go in vacation..If you really want to increase the chances, don’t chase him.. use your vacation to improve yourself and then take things slow after it and continue improving yourself after it too.

    3. Avatar

      Lisa

      September 16, 2016 at 5:32 pm

      What i forgot to say was that i feel like im getting mixed signals. first he sends me an emotional text that he appreciates me and our 3 years together and what ive done for hm and would really like to stay friends and then he tells his mother that he wants me to know that he is not in a relationship and that girl is not the one for him and that he is afraid i dont want any contact at all and that its hard for him to see my pictures ive been posting etc. and then when i contact him and see him he acts kind of cool and “hard to get” in a way. and as far as i know he usually doesnt really have a good pokerface so thats whats confusing me.

    4. Avatar

      Lisa

      September 16, 2016 at 5:02 pm

      i did something really stupid! so yesterday i was on my 9th day of my 21 day of nc and his mother called me (she and i are really close still) to tell me that she thinks that he misses me because he called her and told her that he doesnt want me to think that he is in a relationship and that he is afraid i dont want contact at all anymore (see previous messages). so because of that i coudnt help but text him today to ask what he was doing and that i would like to come over an see his new apartment because my internship is near by so i was in the neighborhood. which he replied that that would be great but he already had plans and also for the weekend but next week he would have time. right after that i bumbt into him at the gym where we started talking and we ended up making an appointment for me to come see his new apartment next week. even though he was fun and friendly i did get the impression that he really only still wants to be friends. and now i am super lost and have no idea what to do next! do i just go and try to build rapport or do i have to start the nc all over again. please help me understand what is going on in his head!

    5. Avatar

      Lisa

      September 13, 2016 at 5:13 pm

      Hey Amor,

      So after he picked up his stuff he send me a text that he wanted to tell me that he appreciates me and the 3 years we had and how i made him a better person and that he hopes to stay friends. I then told him that i appreciate that he said that but i still have mixed feelings about the situation and that i needed time for myself without any contact with him for a while also because i know that he is in a new relationship even though im happy for him (obviously i lied). He understood but i could notice that he was a little bumbed about it. So i planned to do the 21 days NC and i’ll be on vacation for a month when the NC is over, how should i start contacting him again? also before i told him i wanted no contact, he invited me to come see his new apartment when it was furnished and done.

      Plus since i told him that he stopped liking my pictures on instagram and fb and now i cant stop wondering why and what he’s thinking.

      (Sorry, my head is all over the place)

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 14, 2016 at 6:29 pm

      It’s ok, I understand. He probably did that to respect your space. You can start with any topic that he loves talking about or a memory text that is not that heavy.. Listen to this one: EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

    7. Avatar

      Lisa

      August 31, 2016 at 7:46 pm

      Okay, but doesn’t that increase the chance that he might forget about me? We’ve already been broken up for one and a half month now and most of the time i havent seen or spoken to him and when i did i could tell that he is really kind but doesnt really think of me or miss me at all, so if i totally “disappeared” im afraid it would only make it worse..

    8. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 1, 2016 at 12:24 pm

      it depends on what he thinks about you now if you started to talk.. would he think you’re trying to get him back if you build rapport now? Have you improved enough to make him interested in you again? If yes, on both then it’s ok to start building rapport but if not, improve yourself first. Be the ungettable girl.. Move on from the previous relationship and think of it that you’re starting a new friendship.

    9. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 27, 2016 at 2:10 pm

      Hi Lisa,

      yep you should restart count.. it’s ok to talk about important things during no contact, just dont have small talks. Use the time he gets his stuff to leave a good impression before you start no contact again..
      and you should actually be active in social media

  6. Avatar

    SS

    August 23, 2016 at 1:34 am

    My ex recently told me to never contact him again. I found out the reason I was feeling sick for month was because I have a tumor… I really want to talk to my ex about it…. because I don’t know who to talk to right now. I told a friend that I am close to and they were angry with me. And I want to talk to him about it… but he told me to never contact him again… I’m wondering if I should just give up… I felt so sick for so long and was so emotional it turns out because of the tumor and I want to talk to them about it. Should I just leave them alone? We were together for years.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 26, 2016 at 4:09 pm

      Hi Ss,

      be strong.. to be honest, if he believes it, you’ll get pity and he might be friendlier but with what you said, it looks like chased him.. so, he may think you’re just making it up.. but of course if it makes it easier for you to let him know, go ahead. Just set your expectations

  7. Avatar

    Amber

    July 19, 2016 at 3:34 am

    Hey Chris, in your podcast “Can You Ever Break the No Contact Rule”, you specifically said, “if you’re dating for a week, you probably dont have a chance of getting your ex back and you probably should give up”. I dated someone for two months, officially for about 2 weeks and then broke up with him in kind of a rash way. I guess what I want to know is do you have any advice on fixing something that got messed up while you were still learning about someone else? Like, what about people who are just starting to get to know each other and ran into a bump? is there really no chance?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 20, 2016 at 2:47 pm

      hi Amber,

      well in your case, you’ve knownceach other two months.. so just let it cool off before talking again

  8. Avatar

    Sad

    July 12, 2016 at 9:10 pm

    Hi,
    I’ve read a lot of information on the website and wanted your advice on NC. I’ve been with my partner for just short of three years. We met while I was working in his country and had a LDR for the first year. We lived together during the second year after he moved to my country, and he recently moved back to his home country. The plan was for me to move out there too and spend the summer together before we both came back to my country. When I got out there, he said he’d changed his mind, and over the next three weeks of me being there he told me he didn’t want to be together anymore as he felt it wasn’t working and didn’t know what he wanted any more. Over those three weeks, he gave me a lot of mixed signals, including saying that he just wanted to be single and that he didn’t know who he was any more, while at the same time telling me he loved me. One evening, he told me he was absolutely sure he wanted to be single. That same evening, I booked my flight to come home. The next morning, he broke down and said he didn’t know what he was doing and didn’t want me to go. After much talking and crying together, we decided I would come home and he would try to sort himself out with a view to being together. He told me that he wanted it to be very clear between us that we were still together. I’ve made it clear that I love him, want to be together, and am committed to making it work. Since I’ve been home (3 weeks), things have been up and down. At times he’s been in contact, loving and affectionate. At others, he’s been cold and distant. I’m in total limbo and my question is, should I try NC at this point, or is that only for when (and if, though I’m pretty sure it’ll be a case of when because I see no sign of him asking me to go back there) he actually breaks up with me?
    Thanks so much for your help.

    1. Avatar

      Sad

      July 22, 2016 at 11:44 am

      Hi Amor,

      The last thing he said is that we’re together, and he told his mother the same the other day. He’s started saying he loves me again. But he hasn’t mentioned actually seeing one another again and I don’t want to ask him because I’m scared I’ll make him feel pressured and push him away.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 22, 2016 at 8:19 pm

      ok.. do something ekse..be busy with something else..don’t wait up for him..

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 13, 2016 at 4:03 pm

      hi Sad,

      how was your last conversation? did you talk about the status of the relationship because if he’s not assuring you that you’re together then it’s better to just do nc

  9. Avatar

    Katie

    July 11, 2016 at 4:24 am

    Hi,
    my ex and I were together for 6 months. cut a long story short, there were trust issues and we had a big argument which resulted in a fall out over the phone. I apologised straight away but text (which i probably shouldn’t have), and he said we can keep in contact but just as friends. My anger got the best of me and despite this i kept messaging him, trying to place all the blame on him. I contacted him with a message 2 days ago and he hasn’t replied since. Should i know try and do the NC rule, and work on bettering myself, and give him some time alone or is to late? have i blown everything?

  10. Avatar

    Heather

    July 8, 2016 at 9:16 pm

    Thanks for your quick response, Amor. Not long after I posted, my ex sent me a text message asking me if I wanted to go to an open mic with him the first night in my new city. He acted as if everything was normal between us, like he acted when we were together. I think it’s because of his original stance of wanting to cut out the romantic aspects of our relationship. I’ve ignored this text so far. Is that the right move? Should I continue NC until he says he wants to talk about us? And then just remain civil if I see him at the mic that I already had plans to go to?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 9, 2016 at 12:27 pm

      hes, because you’re still in nc..

  11. Avatar

    Heather

    July 8, 2016 at 4:45 pm

    Alright!

    I’m 8 days into NC with my ex after a massive emotional breakdown on my end that left him saying that “he couldn’t be with someone capable of that” and then following it up with he wants to keep me in his life but cut out the romance. In other words, it sounds almost like he impulsively friend zoned me. I’ve been doing great with NC and have been reading up on better ways to deal with my emotions through the aid of self help books, and I’ve honestly never felt more positive.

    Mind you, I’m moving across the country to where he now lives and he broke up with me 2 days prior to my leaving. So I think a lot of it was stress of the move on both of our parts (I posted about this before).

    So here’s what’s been going on: he favorited a tweet of mine on day 3 of NC, and on day 7, he sent me a snapchat. Prior to NC, he wasn’t particularly active on snapchat but I’ve noticed in the past week that we haven’t been talking, he’s been very active in viewing my “story feed” almost like he’s vaguely checking up on me. The snapchat was neutral. It was a picture of insane traffic in my new city with the caption “Better get used to this view!” which, to me, obviously points to the fact that he’s thinking of me and my impending move. I didn’t respond.

    On Saturday, I’ll be moved into my new apartment. I’m a stand up comedian and I have plans to solo explore some comedy venues to do some open mics. He is also a comedian and there’s a chance, although small, that I could run into him at any of these. How should I deal with that?

    I’m pretty stuck on continuing NC as long as I can but I really feel as though he’s slowly starting to try to get my attention through social media. I can only imagine his next attempt will be through texting. Should I continue NC if he contacts me before 25 days no contact?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 8, 2016 at 5:08 pm

      Hi heather,

      if he says he wants to talk to fix things you can break it.. if you bump into each other just be civil

  12. Avatar

    nicloe

    July 7, 2016 at 3:49 pm

    Hello,
    So my bf and I met online and are in a ldr. He’s in the air force and is stationed outside the country but is originally from the area I am from. The way our schedules work out we are not able to Skype during the week only on weekends, the only time he can go out and do things. Lately he has been very busy during the weekends and we weren’t able to Skype as much if at all. So last Friday he messaged me saying babe we need to talk. He avoided my calls later that night and Saturday morning. Eventually he called me. We talked as usual until I finally asked him what he wanted to talk about. After I asked 3 times I just asked if he wanted to break up with me to which he said maybe. He said he loves me “like a lot” and still wants a future with me but it’s just bad timing. Which is something I have thought about too because I am in school right now and I don’t have the time or money to just up and leave whenever I want to see him. But he also said he wants to be able to do what he wants, which he admitted was selfish, and when doing that he can’t give me the time I want and deserve. He said it was nothing I did and that I am perfect which I felt like was a cop out but I never had anyone tell me they still wanted a future with me and loves me so that was confusing. I didn’t beg him or anything at all because I know that it doesn’t help the situation or change anything from past experiences. When we were all done talking about it he asked me if I was still going to his parents on the fourth. I told him no, not after this. He understood and said he still wants me to go over and see them sometimes like I did when we were together as he knows they really like me. He also told me to text him whenever I want and that he still would like to see me when he gets home and is going to get me a present and take me out for my birthday when he comes home in September. I told him not to do that but he kept insisting then the conversation was over. I want to do the 30 day no contact rule but he goes on temporary deployment from august to early September. I just don’t know how well he’ll be able to text me on deployment much. I only have a small window of time to see him in person as well to make this work because he’ll only be home for 2 weeks then he’ll be on full deployment in march and that is 6 months. So it will be a full year till I see him again after this. So I just want to know if I should continue doing no contact, shorten it, or maybe text him if he texts me first?? Oh and he also still has us in a relationship on fb. He is on there everyday so I figured he would by now…I don’t want to do it obviously cause I never wanted to break up lol So basically I am just confused and have no idea what to do :/ Sorry for the novel btw

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 7, 2016 at 5:58 pm

      HI Nicole,

      I think you need to check this one out because this article will explain further what I want to say: Getting An Army, Military Or Navy Ex Boyfriend Back

  13. Avatar

    Alyssa

    July 7, 2016 at 1:11 am

    Hi Chris,

    I am 20 days into the no contact phase and I have been successful. My ex has contacted me three times. They were all pretty neutral, nothing great and nothing too bad. He was the one to initiate the break. He said that that I deserved someone that was 100% into the relationship and he was not. The last message that he sent me was after my surgery (19 days in). He said that he hoped I was doing well, but then went into saying that he is going to try and bring one of his buddies to a destination weeding in Mexico coming up and that he is going to call and see if I can transfer my room and flights. We actually have 2 prepaid trips coming up that I need to deal with. They are both in a couple months. Should I break the no contact principal for this?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 7, 2016 at 4:19 pm

      HI Alyssa,

      nope, since it’s months away, better talk about it after nc.

  14. Avatar

    Frost

    July 5, 2016 at 11:14 pm

    My boyfriend of 8 months and I broke up 2 months ago I tried nc 3 times and failed. The third time I was really serious about it and I wanted to improve myself during that time. On the 2nd day he reached out to me feeling very upset and I told him that I just need to work on me and better myself. He understood and I thought I could restart nc then. 2 days later he reached out again and got really angry because I ignored him (something he cannot take since his last girlfriend). I tried to comfort him and he said how much I meant to him and how much he really needed me and wanted to talk to me. He said that I am the only person that he tells everything to and he wants me to keep being that person in his life. He said he wanted me to talk to him everyday and call him every night like we used to when we were together (we are long distance btw). I asked him what he truly wanted from me and he said he wanted me to be in his life that he cannot see me as just a friend and he wants us to have the same relationship we had minus the fights and the being exclusive. I dont know what to do, he was begging for me but he still doesnt want to commit because he doesnt want long distance, he said he would love a real close distance relationship with me but we cant have it so we shouldnt be together as bf and gf. I cannot imagine him being or caring for someone else and I want him to be my bf again but I dont know how to help him see that that is what he truly wants too because eventhough he wont admit it directly, he still says his feelings have not changed and that he loves me and cannot imagine being without me and that he would get extremely jealous if he sees me with someone else. What do I do? I love him so much. NC is probably not an option anymore because he figured it out and he said it wouldnt work on him. Help!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 6, 2016 at 9:22 am

      Hi Frost,

      he didn’t actually figure it out.. tell him that you can’t contnminue being his friend for now and you have to stop talking to him for a while to heal and that you’ll reach out once you are.. but don’t tell him for how long and then stay strong in nc and you have to do 45 days

  15. Avatar

    Louise

    July 4, 2016 at 8:37 pm

    So I have had a text saying “I’m sorry for the way things ended I think a real lot about u and if you need any help moving or anything let me know”
    I ignored then got a text approx 30 mins later saying “is that telling me to get f****d then”.
    My question is would the first text be classed as a positive text?

    1. Avatar

      Louise

      July 8, 2016 at 2:42 pm

      Can I ask how do people even get through this no contact I have been an emotional wreck since he text the other day and ive now come to the conclusion that he’s text to ease his own conscience of hurting me

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 8, 2016 at 5:04 pm

      you have to be active… improve yourself, see other people and remind yourself what this is for and what the possible consequences could be if you break nc

    3. Avatar

      Louise

      July 6, 2016 at 3:39 pm

      I’m having a really bad day. I wanna txt him but I lnow I can’t. I just feel like movin on completely. He doesn’t want to get back with me so what’s the point in clinging to the thought of somebody wanting u back. Yesterday he added 1 of my best friends on fb I think he’s playing some sort of game

    4. Avatar

      Louise

      July 4, 2016 at 8:39 pm

      I have been in no contact for 11 days and I have also been out with friends and used my Facebook following your guides

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2016 at 4:58 am

      yes, it is.. but because of the second text you need to stay in nc.. and you have to have series of a positive texts, not just one.. that indicates he really wants to talk..it can’t be be just a hi or how are you text

  16. Avatar

    Anon

    July 4, 2016 at 6:59 am

    Hello, my ex and I are on a shared cell phone plan. Should I move forward and remove my account from our shared plan? Out of anger he told me to take my phone off the shared plan. This was a week ago, and that is the same day I decided to begin NC. So far I have been doing well. We also lived together, but I stay at my parents house when he comes back into town so that I don’t have to see him. I’m considering completely removing myself from our living situation so that he doesn’t know any of my whereabouts. What do you advise; completely move out, AND remove my cell phone from our shared plan without contacting him to inform him? Thanks!!! KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK YOU GUYS DO FOR OTHERS!

    1. Avatar

      Anon

      July 6, 2016 at 6:18 am

      We were together for almost 4.5 years. We broke up because he carried a lot of resentment towards me from our past of things he couldn’t forgive me for; never cheated on him but I did lie about small things. He also thinks we are not compatible/have different personalities, and I think he mainly drifted away from me because I’ve been out of a job for some time and have been taking longer than planned to finish school.

      Update–today I went ahead and separated my cell phone from our shared plan because he had contacted me bringing it up while letting me know he is coming back to town tomorrow. I kept up with NC–except he wanted a reply to confirm, so all I said was “All done, thanks”. I hope this doesn’t mean I have to restart NC..

      Is it best to remove myself from our house as much as possible? I can’t completely move out for some time, but I was thinking of coming to the house much less than I do now (only on times when he is out of town) and avoid seeing him and all contact as much as possible.

      Thanks Amor!

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 6, 2016 at 10:04 am

      nope you dont have to restart count and that’s ok of you can’t totally move out..as long as you’re busy improving yourself

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 4, 2016 at 10:08 pm

      Hi Anon,

      why did you break up and how long were you together?

  17. Avatar

    Char

    June 30, 2016 at 2:50 am

    Hi Amor,

    So I met this guy on eharmony…we hit it off like fireworks! We went on 2 dates. He called me a priority in his life and then when his actions didn’t meet what he was sayin. I asked for clarification. He got pissy and went missing for 3 weeks-partly Bc his mom was in the hospital with mental issues. He finally reached out , apologized. I forgave him. (May 9) we started dating but he didn’t like that I was still going to date someone else at the same time. So we decided to be exclusive = gf/Bf in my mind. FFWD to June 15 he questions me if I’m dating other people & basically that he’s asking Bc were not gf/Bf. NEWS TO ME! then he commits to being a bf we have an awesome weekend together. Then Jun 22 he breaks up with me. reason= I really like you but can’t live up to being your bf. I don’t have the time you want. I need more flexibility. Next day I text him I still like you. Do you like me? We don’t know eachother well enough-lets start over. He finally responds 7days later. Do I continue NC? Do I / we have a chance?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 1, 2016 at 11:56 am

      Hi Char,

      YEs, start active no contact. the question is, is it really just time? Were you demanding too much time?

  18. Avatar

    Kisha

    June 29, 2016 at 6:05 am

    Hi I’m new here and I’m in a complicated situation my ex fiance and I have two kids we separated and it was really bad for me but the no contact rule is kind of complicated considering we live together still we decided to keep it that way for now for our kids to not cost confusion them so how do I go about that and what are my chances and things have gotten so bad I keep begging and pleading with him I think he’s starting to get so tired of me and I’m scared I’m pushing him away .

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 29, 2016 at 4:32 pm

      Hi Kisha,

      yes you are.. so start limited contact.. and check this out: Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together

  19. Avatar

    Shirley

    June 22, 2016 at 5:35 pm

    Alright so 3 months ago exact my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me to “work on himself” “to get a fresh start and really get his life back on track like find a full time job in his field.” I was devastated. I did 30 NC things were going great after & he seemed mutually interested in texting & seeing me. Everytime I saw him we hooked up. Bad I know. Thing is I find out a week or 2 after we started meeting up he started hanging out with another girl as well. He had both of us. I was going to put an end to it but then one day he was soooooonice to me and treated me like his girlfriend other than a FWB/using me for sex. I was confused but happy because I thought it meant he wanted me instead of the other girl. Then he became distant & told me we were only friends. We mutually initiated met ups & texts almost daily until end of May. At the end of May he turned into a real jerk. Stopped texting or answering me & kept blowing me off. I wanted him to be straight with me & tell me what was going on. His behavior seemed out of no where. We got in fights via text over it. I just wanted a clear answer on where we stood & why he started treating me horribly. Meanwhile the other girl was always over & I knew that. He just kept insisting things were fine he just wasn’t in the mood to talk or hang out. Anyways last week he tore into me. I was trying to ask to meet up one day last week, mainly because I wanted to see how he’d treat me in person (I haven’t seen him in person for 3 weeks) & also to maybe converse with him about his sudden change in behavior. I also felt I needed to bring up the other girl (which he doesn’t know I know about he hides it from everyone). The secret was weighing on me & I felt I needed to call him out on it for my own sanity. He made up excuses why he couldn’t see me that week & then lost it on me. Said I’m being needy by asking him to hang out. Said he is questioning if he even wants to be friends with me. Said he doesn’t see me as a close friend only a friend he sees once or less a month. I was livid. So I sent him a text about how before he had no issue seeing me & talking several times a week & he used to initiate just as much as me. How now it seems to be a problem & I think I know why. You are seeing the girl & im not stupid. I know you slept with both of us & clearly want more to do with her. I said you made it obvious you want nothing to do with me know even friendship & I’m tired of being the only one putting in the effort. He didn’t reply. I don’t know if NC again is the best option for me because I know it loses its effect. I’m not sure what I should do? Try to patch things up? Say I have no hard feelings & when he’s ready to hang out let me know? I’m at a lost 🙁

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      [email protected]

      July 16, 2016 at 10:05 pm

      Oh beieve me they are sleeping together. I saw evidence when he was hooking up with me. you think it’s FWB or a rebound since he claims she isn’t his gf….he has been hooking up with her for over 2 months now…

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      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 17, 2016 at 4:19 pm

      hmm.. can be more of a rebound as of now because they knows each other for a long time

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      Shirley

      July 16, 2016 at 5:06 am

      Thanks Amor!

      I know it’s probably not a good idea to think so far ahead and ask those what if questions given how I don’t even know if he’ll ever respond to me again but I like to know what I could be getting myself into 😛

      Based on what what I’ve shared, do you think this girl (who I should add is his best friend’s ex of 3 years, and I THINK (not 100% sure) knew each other since they were kids are serious/committed even though he claimed they are “just hanging out”? are they FWB? what would you say?

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      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 16, 2016 at 7:44 pm

      if the girl spends overnight there, it is a big possibility that they are Fwb or if not fwb…

      but if they have been friends forever then maybe an overnight can be just talking all night

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      Shirley

      July 11, 2016 at 5:37 am

      Believe me, I have been extremely active this NC period & have no plans on breaking it!

      My feelings right now is I want to be successful in reinitiating contact. Basically have him respond & slowly be in each ither’s lives again & have him actually see me as valuable & want to be around me.

      I feel 45 days isn’t long enough for him to erase the negativity from his mind & see me as the UG. I’m just worried contacting him maybe months from now, like 3-4 months will ruin my chances. From hearing experiences of others will I be less successful the longer I wait?

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 12, 2016 at 9:34 am

      it depends on what the topic is also.
      because if you text him after 45 days and you think he’s still angry or views you the same as before then it’s better to just let time pass

    7. Avatar

      Shirley

      July 10, 2016 at 4:35 am

      Hi Amor,

      So I’ve been in active NC since his call claiming I was a stalker lol. So over 2 weeks. Thing is my cousin ran into him last night because he went to the bar she works out with his friends. She knows every detail about what went on because we are super close.

      Thing is she was pretty drunk & kind of confronted him in a way & defended me. From what she remembers He asked if she knew about everything & she said yes & they went in private to talk. He told her that I became “stalkerish” & that constantly asking to do something won’t want him to be around me. She insisted I’m not a stalker & that the way he went about things by out of no where cutting me out without talking to me about it is rude & hurtful. That hiding the other girl while leading me on is a dick move. He admitted yes he has cut me out & we are on bad terms. She told him that a year from now he is going to regret letting me go & be wanting me back because she has known me for 26 years years/all her life & I’m a babe & one of the good ones but it will be too late because she would have moved on & she won’t take you back. he apparently said I hope so I just want the best for her.

      She told me she thinks he sees me in a really bad light & was desperate & needy in his eyes. That he just wants me to move on & not even be friends. This whole exchange makes me uncomfortable & it almost feels like NC has been broken because of it! Does it count as contact if someone close to me has this intense heart felt conversation with them about me?

      Also he clearly sees me in a bad light. Is it bad if I stay in NC a really long time? Like months from now, heck maybe even a year instead of 45 days? Will it lower my chances of him wanting me back? I almost feel like in the future he will regret it like my cousin says because I’m confident what we had was great & he knows it. I think he was scared of being tied down when he is at the point in his life where he has to get his life together with a real “adult” stable job. We were quit serious (I basically lived with him) & I don’t think he was really ready for the seriousness we were…

      Thoughts?

    8. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 10, 2016 at 8:36 pm

      if he sees you in a bad light, meaning seeing you as a stalker, then cutting nc earlier will just prove him right..he wants to see you as a girl who has a her own life and not pressuring him to be tied down or just making your world revolve around him..

      the goal of nc is more for yourself to heal and improve and not for him solely…

      you know what he basically says? he wants an ungettable girl.. somebody that shows she’s ok even if the man walks away because she’s fine on her own and she wants a man who will invest as much as she does…if the guy quits because he can’t match her standards, then so be it for the right guy to come along
      that will actually make him want to be in a commitment

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      Shirley

      July 1, 2016 at 3:39 pm

      Thanks Amors!

      I agree. Longer than 45 days NC seems to be the path I need to take given that it seems his friends & him are gossiping about me. I need them all to not have me on their minds when i try to reunification. However, do you think extending my NC (I’m thinking around 60 days) will ruin my chances of potential reconciliation? Or will it help?

    10. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 1, 2016 at 6:17 pm

      in your case, it looks like it really has to be a restart.. if it takes 60 days to really establish that you have your own life, you’re not stalking him..then so be it

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      Shirley

      June 29, 2016 at 6:33 pm

      THe only place I post things on social media is snap chat. Should I avoid opening his posts on snap? is that part of NC?

    12. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 1, 2016 at 9:38 am

      yes.. but you should still be active in posting there..

    13. Avatar

      Shirley

      June 29, 2016 at 4:33 pm

      What’s the best course of action for me now that my ex’s attention on in another girl, he thinks I’m stalking him, and he clearly discusses it with his friends.

      45 days no contact? Continue posting on snap chat things about me being social and “moving on” without him. Speaking of snap chat. Should I avoid looking at his? Is that part of NC?

      I have no idea how to reinitiate contact this second time around given how much negativity has happened and how he is ignoring me now. When I first initiated contact after he broke up it went well. Clearly too well because I thought it was on the path of us getting back but another girl came into the picture and I was pushed out.

      You’re help would be appreciated 🙂

    14. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 29, 2016 at 5:27 pm

      yes, 45 days.. be very active during it and then if you want to go longer go ahead.. anf then use a current topic so it’s more realistic

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      Shirley

      June 27, 2016 at 3:28 pm

      Something really odd happened. But it gave me a little insight on why maybe he cut me off. He called me 2 nights ago. I answered. He told me a friend just saw me drive by the house they are all at. I was like no, I did not. He said its strange because I know you drive by a lot. I’m like yes I work next door to you but school is out now so I won’t be in your town anymore. Don’t worry. He said I saw you drive by on a Saturday when I was with the girl. I was like yes I forgot my wallet (this was around the time when I last hung out with him). I picked up a key to the building and dropped it back off passing your house (the truth). I actually wanted to wave to you but you did not look at me. I thought this whole time you did not see me. Then he said I know you ask my friends to spy and drive by. I’m like who? He said Cara. (Cara is his best friend’s girlfriend and we talk. THe girl my ex is hanging out with is his best friend’s ex actually. When my ex and I began hanging out Cara was happy for me, and then I saw evidence the other girl was staying over and would see her car in the morning when I would go to work. Cara and I discussed it and she too saw her car. Mentioned it to her boyfriend asking if you think they are something? It’s weird no. And I guess sometimes talk to him about it. Well I guess the best friend told my ex…) I just said yes Cara and I talk sometimes I don’t tell her to do anything. She was happy when you and me started hanging out and talking again. He told me he is scared. scared for me with my behaviour. I said I’m not stalking you. He told me he knew I knew about the girl already. I said ok. You never answered my text about it. It’s very shitty for me that like a month after you dump me because you need to be alone to work on yourself, you have a new girlfriend that you hid from me as you started hanging out with me and sleeping with me too. I don’t want to be dragged into that. He said she isn’t his girlfriend they are just hanging out and that it just happened. He hasn’t spoken to her in a year and saw her at a party and they started talking again and now they hang out. I said ok then why can’t we still hang out? You’ve cut me out and ignore me completely and never told me why. Is it because you think I’m stalking you? no. Is it because of the other girl? He said it’s just weird. I don’t want to see you. What’s the reason? You were fine before and you still won’t tell me why. He cut off the conversation and left. I don’t know what to do!

      Clearly I need to go into NC. Do I really need to be active during it? Like post on snap chat me being social and having fun? I almost want to block him actually. Because he has basically blocked me out of his life for the past month. Is him not knowing what I’m up too and disappearing a better strategy?

      Also, soooo much negative things has happened between us that I have no idea how to reinitiate contact after the NC period.

    16. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 29, 2016 at 5:46 am

      actually it’s more important to be for yourself.. not just for the sake of having something to post.. it’s good to disappear for a while, and then post again later on.. especially now that he thinks you’re stalking him.

    17. Avatar

      Shirley

      June 23, 2016 at 3:31 am

      I was thinking something along the lines of a message like: “Hey, I know that a lot was said between us this past 2-3 weeks & I just want to let you know that I do wish you well in life & would still love to be a part of it if you are willing. I’m happy you had an interview & a little disappointed you didn’t answer me. But I hope you get it. Don’t be a stranger” oooor is that really pathetic. I feel like it is but him not answering shows me he is angry at me for what went down between us. I don’t regret saying what I said because he was a jerk & I was tired of being played. But at the end of the day I care for him & if he wanted me back I’d take him. Even with his recent behavior. I’m not sure what to do 🙁

    18. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 27, 2016 at 10:08 am

      Hi Shirley,

      nope.. Don’t send that.. if you really want him to change his mind, the only greater way for that to happen is to move on without fully moving on. He just sees you as someone who chases him now and now that he knows that you know about the other girl, if you still text him that way, it would appear that you are lowering your standards.

    19. Avatar

      Shirley

      June 22, 2016 at 8:54 pm

      I tried texting him today (a week since when I sent the last text about the girl). Because I saw on snap chat he had a job interview & I was genuinely happy for him & wanted to know if he landed the job. He hasn’t replied…..I’m not sure if a second NC is the way to go. Especially now that there is another girl. Or if I should send him a message expressing how I genuinely want to still be a part of his life & I just wished he was more upfront with me.

  20. Avatar

    Bobby

    June 20, 2016 at 6:23 pm

    Advice please, Chris. Did the 30 day No Contact (33 days, to be exact). Sent him a fun text to make contact. He called and sounded angry.  Textbook Stubborn Guy reaction. I didnt call him, he didnt know certain things and was offended I didnt talk to him or keep him in the loop.  Playing the victim. I smirked at the ‘its not like I have given the whole thing much thought or anything.’  He wants to get together later this week to talk (got the ‘im super busy so I will contact you later in the week’) so I need some advice to go with. Its almost like he is playing the ‘its all my fault’ tone. I know its all a pride and ego thing. I just want to armed with knowledge to handle this correctly.

    1. Avatar

      Bobby

      July 5, 2016 at 11:40 pm

      Amor, could you please give me some advice. I asked a question about two weeks ago and never heard back. Thanks 🙂

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 6, 2016 at 9:27 am

      sorry for the late reply bobby.. did you continue the activities you started during nc and are you still talking? would he think that you’re more independent now?

    3. Avatar

      Bobby

      June 24, 2016 at 5:43 pm

      Met and had a good talk. But I feel like he switched off on me a bit. The attraction is still there, no question. But I felt he would let himself get close (staring into my eyes, touching hands etc)  but he would pull back like he felt it was wrong and resume jut friends mode. Said he still wants to see me for coffees still, definitely wants to chat on the phone once a week but doesnt know what the future holds. We had an amazing catch up but he seems to be hesitant of me. When we said good bye he gave me a massive hug that went on for a long time and a sweet hesitant kiss on the lips. Did I just lose him???? Do i just give up on getting him back or…. please help me cuz I am kinda feeling numb and confused right now.

    4. Avatar

      Bobby

      June 21, 2016 at 4:24 pm

      To be clear… when I say angry. I do not mean yelling and such. He is the most calm man ever. But he has a tone and said he was angry about me not being in contact. I take it more as he is hurt but he is a guy so he’s nit admitting that. Lol

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2016 at 5:42 am

      Hi Bobby,

      if he’s still up for that talk, look your best and then be calm as ever.. be the source of being calm and listen to him and explain that you needed that time to heal

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