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205 thoughts on “EBR 046: Can You Ever Break The No Contact Rule?”

  1. Avatar

    fixingthings

    July 6, 2017 at 12:38 am

    So i ended up breaking no contact and i dont know if i blew my chances.
    My boyfriend and I were together for almost two years and the entire relationship was an extremely intense roller coaster and we have this insane connection even when we arent talking to each other. we have an age difference of 7 years, and he is 21. He is the one who broke off the relationship almost two months ago saying that he cant give me what I deserve and he loves me and cares for me too much to be the cause of my unhappiness. The breakup was partially my fault as well, because i indicated to him that i wasnt happy with how less time he was spending with me, and that if this was going to be the case, maybe we should break up, but the breakup happened when i thought we were working on things and it threw me off, i did all the wrong things like getting upset, asking him how he could do this etc. but he was patient through all of it, he seemed to always want to be there for me to help me through the breakup, even when i didnt go and ask him for help. whenever i tried putting any distance between us for even a few days, he kept reaching out to me, telling me that he needs me to be in his life in some shape or form, and that he will lose his sanity without me. he always wants to know what is going on in my life and things like that, till date he keeps telling me that he has always loved me and will always love me more than i could ever know. we had broken up a few months ago which was initiated by him and he kept trying to contact me for ten days until i finally broke down and responded to him, and he felt incredibly guilty that time for breaking up with me. This time when he broke up with me i just heaped such a huge amount of guilt on him when it happened that i think he really truly does want to be with me but he doesnt trust his own judgment and feels that there is no going back after this blunder. i decided to do the no contact because i do love him and want to be with him, but i also realized that i have to mature and improve as a person. i was successful in doing no contact for 15 days, he had been trying to contact me on and off since day 3 of no contact, but recently i changed my profile picture to a new happy picture of me and ever since then he kept messaging me nonstop telling me that he needs to speak to me, that all he needs is for me to message him once and he will leave me alone, and that he is in a really bad shape. i was avoiding the messages until i started feeling extremely worried for him, because i know he is extremely vulnerable mentally and earlier when situations used to come up i used to be the one to strengthen him. I finally messaged him today to make sure hes ok and also to tell him that we cant keep doing this, and that I am trying to become stronger and improve as a person so that we can talk to each other in the future where it doesnt hurt me and that i need some space to do that and i want him to respect that. he said that he will respect that. During the conversation he was telling me how he cried every single day when i wasnt responding to him and how the breakup hit home over time and how he doesnt do anything anymore and doesnt talk to anyone anymore. I am torn, as to what to do next, i know he loves me as much as i love him, and i really want to make things work, i feel if i resume no contact he will respect it this time, as he hopes i will talk to him in the future if he “behaves himself”. should i resume contact? if so, for how long?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 6, 2017 at 7:38 pm

      restart no contact and do at least 30 days

  2. Avatar

    Kacey

    April 21, 2017 at 11:36 pm

    Hi . Me and my bf recently broke. He broke with me he said my attitude towards him as being a big problem for a long time and he is not sure if he still has feelings . We were together three years and 8months he said i was the first had he actually loved and he was a good bf for the most! My question i was doing the no contact rules and 11 days I know he was meant to have an eye surgery which I know he was scared about .know that I am in the no contact zone I message his sister and ask her to tell him if everything goes well. When he got she message sayin I think I should call him and I said why , just to show I still care and agreed .i phone him we speak about two minutes normally wee can talk for hours.i kept it short didn’t speak about us at all. He later message saying he appreciate that I phone . Do you think I should continue contact ?r. Start all over ?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 28, 2017 at 4:03 pm

      For me you you should start it over

  3. Avatar

    Laura

    April 18, 2017 at 3:38 pm

    I am currently doing the no contact rule which will be over in a week but i mentioned my ex and a few of my friends in a facebook comment do i need to start over again

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 22, 2017 at 3:41 pm

      Restart the no contact period and click this link:
      The Ungettable Girl

  4. Avatar

    Laura

    April 18, 2017 at 3:37 pm

    I am currently doing the no contact rule which will be over in a week but i mentioned my ex in a facebook comment with a few of my friends do i need to start over?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 22, 2017 at 3:41 pm

      Restart the no contact period and click this link:
      The Ungettable Girl

  5. Avatar

    Justine

    April 7, 2017 at 9:34 pm

    Does a terrorist attack in you city qualify as a reason to break no contact and check if they’re ok? It’s been a couple weeks, but since we aren’t friends online (I didn’t follow the rules correctly!) I don’t know and my mutual friends are tired of me asking them for news. But I really want to know that they and their family are ok

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 10, 2017 at 3:10 pm

      yes, if there are really no signs of safety of him

  6. Avatar

    Gwen

    February 28, 2017 at 9:42 pm

    Hi Amor,

    My situation is that I’m in NC for the second time, not because I failed but because it succeeded the first time and I got my ex back, but after some months he broke up with me again… So, the thing is that I’m trying NC again and the first time I asked him for some time, after that it was so easy, in about a month after NC I got him back. However this time I haven’t asked him for time or said anything, I just didn’t answer his last message and I’m on the second week of NC right now. He is so stubborn so I thought he wouldn’t contact me during NC… but he has. The thing is that now I’m afraid of what he has texted me. I had everything planned with the advices here and all of that. But the thing is that we have a LDR story that’s similar to one film I recommended him and he has written me telling me he thought of me and saw the film and he doesn’t want our story to end like the film (because it doesn’t have a happy ending). He has told me he is surprised I’ve been such a long time without answering. He has told me he has felt identified with the characters and he didn’t believe that kind of relationship could be real until he met me (LDR). But what makes me being afraid is that he has told me he doesn’t ask me to be a couple again or that we try again but that he wants me in his life and that we can be good friends, because he doesn’t want us to end as in the film… It has being a very long text message and I feel weird because actually it makes me think he still has some feelings is he has felt that because of our film. He still thinks about me and he is worried because he doesn’t know anything about me since 2 weeks ago. My fear is that he says he wants us to be friends as if he had lost hope for a relationship because of my NC. So, I don’t want to make a mistake, I want to be very sure. Should I complete NC after this message and then answer the message somehow, or should I answer and try to know if he would think about getting back because of what he has said… I feel like after this message if I don’t answer he’s going to try to move on, and I don’t want that… I know his way of thinking and he is too stubborn to have written that to me. So I’m very lost right now. I feel like I want to clear things and see if he would try again but I’m not sure… I say this because his message has reminded me of the advice Chris gives telling we are allowed to answer if he sends a message wanting to come back. He hasn’t told me that exactly, but his words have reminded me of that… So, what should I do?

    1. Avatar

      Gwen

      March 4, 2017 at 4:12 pm

      Ok thank you Amor 🙂

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 4, 2017 at 8:15 pm

      You’re welcome!

    3. Avatar

      Gwen

      March 3, 2017 at 11:31 am

      Oh… 🙁 I didn’t wait for your answer and I answered I’ve been a fool I should have been logical and not have followed my feelings… anyway what you say is what he has told me, he wants us to be friends. So I will tell him I need space and start NC again. Should I do it again 30 days or less time or how many days??? We are going to end very well I don’t want him to be angry or something when I finish NC so I am going to tell him I need time but since yesterday we are talking as very good friends. But just until today when I’m going to start NC.

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 3, 2017 at 11:11 pm

      Yeah, you can tell him being friends now is not working for you, you need time to heal.. but don’t tell for how long you’re going to do it.

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 1, 2017 at 7:48 pm

      Hi Gwen,

      stick to nc. If he wants you back, he will say it instead of suggesting to be friends. Right now the translation to what he said is that I miss you but I don’t want to be back together, all I want is to keep talking to you because that’s what I’m used to, so, I can only offer friendship. He’s not going to move on because you’re in nc. That’s what he chose when he broke up with you.

  7. Avatar

    Sam

    February 27, 2017 at 6:58 pm

    I was dating a guy for about a year. Last Monday, he broke up with me because he stated that he never loved me and felt guilty any time that he said it. In addition, he said that I deserve better and should be with someone who has the same interests as me. He stated he hated hiking, going to concerts, and lots of things I enjoy. I also was very interested in the things he was interested in and wanted to partake in his hobbies and interests. (He is kind of lazy and just likes to be inside or watch tv). He states he cares about me and just wants the best for me. He also felt like he couldn’t stop comparing himself from my ex whom I am still close with/he works within his graduate department. Furthermore, he said that he felt like he had to schedule time out of his life just to hang out with me and that it didn’t feel natural to him. He lastly stated that we “need” to still be friends and that no matter what happened I was still important to him and that I don’t deserve to feel the way I do or be stuck in a dead end relationship. I’m not entirely sure why this is going on. Later this week we were supposed to have dinner with his family who flew up a few days ago. I’ve met them a few times before and he had seemed really excited at the time for me to come with. My ex also stated he had been thinking about this and talking to his friends about this for the past two weeks. It is strange because we had been planning a trip for the past two months to travel back to my home state to see my dad and to show him where I went to college etc. We were supposed to go on this trip this friday. I feel like I am the dealing with similar problems like Knives Chau in Scott Pilgrim *the first 40 minutes of the movie*. Even though he and I are both 24.
    What should I do? Am I out of luck to get him back? Should I even try to win a guy back who stated he never loved me? I can’t seem to wrap my head around why he never broke up with me sooner if felt like he was leading me on all these months. Our 1 year anniversary is next month. I am going on day 3 of the no contact rule.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2017 at 8:49 pm

      Hi Sam,

      that’s good. Stick to no contact rule and be active in improving yourself. Being friends with him now will just make you friendzoned.

  8. Avatar

    Julie

    February 10, 2017 at 5:51 am

    I had just sent him a gift when he broke up with me (LDR) and when he broke up I told him it was already ordered. It got there one week post breakup.
    I mailed his stuff back to arrive at the 21 day mark – thinking I only needed 21 days NC.
    Since he’s had these contacts with me do I reach out or do I keep waiting
    I have not heard from him

    1. Avatar

      Julie

      February 10, 2017 at 6:04 pm

      Well he has received two pieces of mail from me and hasn’t said anything (the gift I already told him was on it’s way – bad timing – and then I mailed his stuff). I know they arrived because of tracking but he never reached out. During the breakup he discussed sending the stuff back. After I didn’t hear from him – I just sent it back. I haven’t received my stuff from him or heard anything at all. I’m not sure if I should have waited to send his stuff back? Was that bad ? But since he’s gotten two things from me and hasn’t said anything …..

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 10, 2017 at 11:10 pm

      it’s not really bad but you said you did 21 day nc, assuming you improved, try to initiate..maybe he’s just respecting your space..

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 10, 2017 at 5:39 pm

      Hi Julie,

      during nc, the most important aspect is improving yourself.. It’s not just waiting..If you didn’t do that, you have to restart the count..You can talk to him about the things only once they arrived.. But if you did improve yourself genuinely, and I’m assuming you only wanted 21 days because the reason of the breakup is general, not that negative, then yes, you can initiate contact and start rebuilding rapport..

  9. Avatar

    Jamie

    February 6, 2017 at 9:20 am

    HI, me any my boyfriend just broke up few days ago. He said he dont love me anymore. But we have been together more than a year, though we mostly in long distance relationship….. I would love to try NCR, but I am not sure if it gonna work?
    I want to make him miss me tho..

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 6, 2017 at 3:06 pm

  10. Avatar

    phoebe

    January 8, 2017 at 12:03 pm

    Hi
    I broke up about a month ago (This Friday itll be a month exactly), and being the stubborn person I am, a no contact phase started almost immediately, he did text me on the tenth day, to which I (not knowing that i AM in a no contact situation and how it works) replied in a very cold manner. I was wondering whether that counts as breaking the phase or not; but first I should give you a quick background:
    He is an old friend of my brother and we used to hang out a few times a month in our friend-clique thingie that we all were a part of. Eventually we started dating and we broke up after about two months (I suggested the breakup and he agreed). After 10 days of the breakup first he texted us in whatsapp as a group to see whether we can hang out and seeing the cold reaction (I didnt reply there) he texted me personally and asked how I was doing and whether we could all hang out like the old days. Given our friendship background I found it really rude not to answer, however, I was really cold and kept my answers short and to the point, and said that i wont hang out with them and that Id be more comfortable if they just hung out together like the times that I wasn’t a member. I wanted to know whether that was a defeat in this power struggle and that I should make the NC phase longer because of this or that I should just ignore the whole thing!
    thank you!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 8, 2017 at 9:59 pm

      Hi Phoebe,

      the more important matter is improving yourself, how much and how active are you in improving yourself since you started nc?

  11. Avatar

    Jenni

    December 27, 2016 at 9:13 am

    Hi! My boyfriend of 10 months broke up with me in October. He basically put a lot of pressure on himself and was feeling so much doubt due to unrealistic expectations he had of a relationship (feeling in love within 2-3 months, feeling head over heels in love all the time instead of just feeling like best friends, checking off all these qualities he’s looking for in a girlfriend, which I had but not the X factor). The breakup came as a shock to me because we seemed very happy together and didn’t fight at all. He thought I was the sweetest girl in the world and loved how much I cared about people’s feelings, which is important to remember later on. I tried doing limited contact and hanging out with him for two months but that ended up being too confusing because we ended up kissing and cuddling each time. He really wants us to be friends and couldn’t imagine me not being a part of his life. I decided to use my 3 week break from school as a perfect time to do NC since I would be out of town and wouldn’t be able to see him and would continue when I returned to school. I told him that he really needs to seek counseling for his relationship OCD/anxiety, which he said he would do. I’ve been doing NC for 9 days. The only thing is his 2 month old nephew is undergoing surgery tomorrow. I wanted to tell him that his nephew is in my prayers. I’m the type of person who shows support to everyone. However, I realize that he needs to miss me and realize that I’m not there to provide him emotional support without being in a relationship. I wouldn’t respond to anything he says afterwards and would go back to NC. Because we kind of ended things badly with me in tears saying that I was very angry at him for not communicating well with me about his doubts. I just wanted to do this to show that I’m a supportive person and don’t completely hate him. What are your thoughts? Thank you!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 29, 2016 at 11:34 am

      Hi Jenni,

      did you send that? what happened after?

  12. Avatar

    Hellen

    December 19, 2016 at 3:13 pm

    Hi Chris

    My situation is a bit complicated. I started dating my now ex bf in May 2004 and we dated for about 3yrs and we broke up in 2007 because he was cheated on me more than once. He had his first born on July 2008 and I had my firstborn in January 2009.So in 2009 after I had a child he started begging me to come beg and I refused for a very long time. He kept on asking me back until 2013 when I decided to give him another chance, After few dates I realized he was no longer the same person he has changed but to be a boring person now. I never felt like I was in a relationship as he was always serious and I got soooo bored then I broke up with him. Few months later I find out I was pregnant I tried to abort but it was late I was 5 months .Then our mutual friend told him about the pregnancy he phoned me and asked if we could make things work especially now that there was a baby coming .I agreed and we started again until the baby was born .After the baby was born I was still bored as we never had anything to talk about except for the baby .Our conversations were very short, we never went out, We never joked as he would get defensive, It felt like were just dating for the sake of the baby then I went on a NC after a week he text me that he missed me I then told him I don’t feel the same as there was nothing I missed with him. We then stopped chatting until one day he put a profile picture of a lady on his whatsapp I then confronted him about it and he said it was his colleague’s daughter who just graduated but if I feel otherwise then it is my problem because I treat him like a dog anyway. I then call it quits that was May 2016. He comes every month bringing the baby’s stuff and at first we never talked he would just drop them play with his daughter and leave, His dad passed on recently about 2 months ago and he texted me and I sent some condolences and he ignored me. I have a very good relationship with his sisters and mother though. Now about a week ago he posted a status on facebook that “he want to move on and he doesn’t want any destructions .Whoever he dated in 2016 and before and if no marriage happened it means they exes must look somewhere else as he is also doing the same and they must also delete his numbers as he is doing the same”. His sister invited me to a party and asked me to bring the kids I specifically asked him if her brother will be there so that I can just drop off the kids and leave and she said no he will not be there but he came. I then decided to leave as I was no longer in the mood and I picked up the kids later . We never talked on that day. I am thinking of applying the 60 NC but how should I behave when he brings the baby stuff. Should I ask him to wait at the gate or just act normal as if nothing happened and continue with my NC ?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 22, 2016 at 10:24 am

      Hi Hellen,

      you want to go back with him? Why?

  13. Avatar

    Anaya

    December 14, 2016 at 9:36 pm

    My boyfriend and I have broken up twice before and gotten back together. This last time, he broke up with me claiming that he “just wasn’t happy anymore”. Since it hasn’t been on and off so much, I do want to prolong no contact. But I also feel like he doesn’t respect me enough- he breaks up each time there’s a hurdle and I want him to fight for this relationship and fight for me.. also since I do take him back so easily, I think he takes me for granted. How can I firstly, get him back, and secondly, get him to commit to me all the way?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2016 at 10:26 am

      Hi Anaya,

      there’s no guarantee in that but it looks like you already know the answer. Dont be easy. Dont take him back easily and focus more in your life

  14. Avatar

    Sarah

    December 4, 2016 at 2:37 am

    My boyfriend of about a year and a half ended what we had about a month ago due to repeated arguments and misunderstandings we’ve been having. It’s been on/off for a while but we always manage to get back together. But lately, bc our relationship has been rocky, it’s caused a lot of uncertainties and insecurities in our relationship. So after the last incident he decided he doesn’t want this anymore after I had just made that decision two weeks prior and blocked him everywhere he became frantic trying to reach out to me to hear him out and saying he loves me and always has and always will and will cherish me forever. I’m a softy and not as strong, in less than a week I gave in and unblocked him and we worked it out only to get into another argument just after and he reversed it on me and blocked me and won’t talk to me but he’s more stubborn and can easily go on for months ignoring me while I’m here stressing it out and missing him. I don’t understand how he does it so easily if he claims he loves me as much as he does. I don’t know if he’s trying to teach me a lesson or just really fed up and done w what we have.

    Anyway so after trying and trying to reach out I finally stopped but only for 2 wks. I thought that would be my no contact period to improve myself and give him space. My aim was 30 days but after overthinking day and night and thoughts that he might be seeing or meeting other girls out of spite consumed my mind I decided to give in and drop a friendly hello. He actually replied but didn’t say much then ignored me again.

    I don’t know what to do as I feel like I’ve really hurt him throughout the relationship without realizing it and I would love to explain and apologize for all the things I did wrong. He has a huge ego and I’ve crushed it several of times unintentionally but now I realize I’ve hurt him. He can be so stubborn and cruel and dry. But what confuses me the most is how just two weeks prior he was afraid he lost me forever and became so vulnerable spilling his guts. Now that the shoe is on the other foot he’s cold and distant and moving on and not giving us the chance to fix this. I’m devastated. I love him so much and I thought he loves me too.

    I don’t want so much more time to pass before we can talk this out but it seem I don’t have a choice since I can’t force him to talk to me or hear me out or see me again.

    What’s should I do?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 4, 2016 at 11:09 pm

      Hi Sarah,

      but you already tried a lot of times to reach out to him right? I think he’s pretty sure you wanted to apologize.. For now, those efforts say a lot..if he’s being vengeful, and stubborn then he has to realize you get tired too, you’ve done what you can and you’re not going to chase him forever..

      Actually I think you should do 45 but maybe just 30 will do, just be very active in your life and in posting in social media

  15. Avatar

    Steff

    November 24, 2016 at 12:04 am

    Hi , about breaking the rule , I was on day 7 and he text me because I took the car from the parking lot ( the car is in his name but he gave it to me , it’s my car, I asked during the break up if I could keep it he said yes ) , he text me , hey sorry to bother you did you take the car , I ignored him and he text angry , I just need to know if the car was stolen or town , so I answer , yes I have the car , I will keep making payments , have a nice day … the question is : is that breaking the NC rule ? Should I start from 0 ? I didn’t talk about feelings and I ended the coversation

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 26, 2016 at 3:42 pm

      Hi Steff,

      nope it’s not.. As long as it’s only about important things and not about your feelings nor the relationship

  16. Avatar

    Jennie

    October 27, 2016 at 4:16 pm

    Hello, i’m 1 week into the NC rule. The day he broke up with me, he messaged me right away when I left his place without bringing the stuff he bought for me during his trip. He messaged 4x and I ignored and he ended up saying he will ship out my things even with the wrong address. I did not reply, then his last message on the 6th day saying: “Hey Jennie. So, this is really it? You walk away and refuse all the goodies which were and still are meant for you?”

    He wanted to remain friends after breaking up with me when he met a girl while I was away for a short vacation. We were already talking about having kids together and I just do not understand the sudden change of heart. He said he felt a strange feeling in their first meeting and cannot ignore it.

    Can I break the NC based on his last message? A day and a half has passed and I am going crazy if I should or shouldn’t.

    Really need your advice.
    Thank you in advance.

    Jennie

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 28, 2016 at 11:40 pm

      Hi,

      if you don’t need those things don’t.. If those were just souvenirs, just let him be..

  17. Avatar

    Beachrose

    October 16, 2016 at 4:11 am

    Hi Again,

    Okay, ran into a snafu. Found out my sprained wrist was actually a broken wrist – I’m typing this one-handed – and I was told by the ER doc that because of my low insurance, I’d have to go waaay across town to a specific hospital for a specialist. I couldn’t drive one-handed since my car is stick shift. And the Dr was very strict with me, saying I could not do things like that, – drive, work, etc – since it would damage my wrist nerves, etc.

    Using a bus would mean at least 3 hours each way, using Uber would be a fortune, and my roommate was out of town (or she would have done it – she’s great!) So I reluctantly decided to break NC and text him the bad news (I had ghosted when he wasn’t there for me after I fell & sprained/broke it.)

    He was thrilled to hear from me and to help, he was actually in tears when he called me, said he missed me, missed my voice, was lonely, loved me , asked why I wouldn’t text him, etc, – but still made sure to call me his friend – “glad he had his friend back.” Very mixed-message habit with this guy. I reminded him I did not agree to be his friend. He quickly / agreeably segue’d to sticking to taking me to the hospital and to just “go from there.” I agreed nicely to that.

    It was hard to be standoffish when he drove me around, since we ended up having to go to yet another Dr, and he went out of his way to drive/ help me/ look after me. Plus he offered to help me financially a bit since I wont be able to work for a few weeks. But I really tried to just keep it friendly and thankful for his help. He did kiss me, but more on the friendly side. I didn’t read anything into it. He’s not “changed,” I mean.

    Since the Dr’s I needed weren’t available today / Saturday, I have to go again Monday – I found a more local Dr & he offered to drive me again.

    But then after that, do I go into limited NC? He’s going to be selling some (un-needed) equipment to help me pay bills while I’m not working. BUT – I know he wants to edge me into being a “friend”, to validate him, and to get access to what he likes about me, without committing: access to my cabin, getting me to help him with info I’m good at finding – treating me like a mom/sister. Like a platonic version of the one-way relationship he engineered with me before – NOPE.

    So I’m maintaining that his offers to help me are thoughtful, one-off gifts (which I let him know I appreciate) versus letting him somehow leverage this into some sort of ongoing emotional transaction/ strings attached.

    Just wondering how to do that? I thought maybe as this crisis winds down, I’d say something like how I really appreciated him being there for me, it meant a lot to me, (all true) – but that now I need some time to myself to think things through? Another 30 days?

    I know he’ll miss me, but I also know he won’t have changed. He’s not introspective – he blames others for everything.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 17, 2016 at 4:37 pm

      Let’s just say this is your time to prove that nothing romantic will happen. Stay friendly civil and amicable but not engage too much in a conversation.

  18. Avatar

    Zoe

    October 12, 2016 at 11:04 pm

    Hi Chris,
    My ex fiancé broke up with me just over 2 weeks ago we have been together for about 2 and a half years. He is in the army and he’s getting out in 3 months prior to breaking up with me he thought it was only 2 months hence he has been very stressed about getting a new job etc and has had some money problems too which haven’t helped matters. He broke up with me because I was too jealous and demanding, and he said I had changed through the relationship. Which I had changed and I think it was due to the medication I was on it made me very angry and emotional I would snap a lot and want to be with him constantly 24/7 which isn’t me and definitely not the person he first met, so things were getting very argumentative a couple of months ago so we decided to go on a break when we started this break (about a month ago) I realised how stupid I had been and how much I had changed and realised that I needed to do something about it because it wasn’t the person who I’am. So I started to try and calm down and let him be. We were meant to see each other one weekend and I was looking forward to it becuase I wanted to try and start showing that I was trying my best to put this in to work and tell him how I had realised. But because he is in the army he had to work late all weekend and I never got the chance to say anything he said that he wanted to give us another chance that week and we were talking very postitively then over that weekend he went very quiet and then 2days later he dumped me because he thought I would never change and that he had waited 6 months to see if any changes happened and they didn’t so he gave up, now he never told me that he never said what was making him feel unhappy specifically. The communication wasn’t strong. So when he decided to split up with me I found your book and went straight in to no contact he text me the next day and than rang me the day after that and then text saying ring me I want to tell you when I’m dropping your stuff off, I ignored him as I didn’t know you could break the no contact rule in that situation anyway a week and a bit passed and he put my money through for me that he owed me and gave me a text that he’d put it through and I ignored him then at the end of that week he text me saying are you at work tomorrow cuz I’ll drop your stuff off after I’ve finished training and I was out with my friend at the time and hadn’t prepared myself for a response yet then he started ringing me and texting me if you don’t want your stuff I’ll just bin it because I’m wanting to move on, so I sent back sorry I’m out at the moment and no I’m not at work tomorrow so I can pick them up from you and I know you don’t want to talk to me anymore but there’s something important that I needed to tell you before this happened that I never got a chance to tell you (i wanted to just let him know what had happened on the break about me realising even though I knew it wouldn’t change anything) so he text back saying no I don’t mind talking to you I just want to crack on and get everything sorted and I was eating my dinner at the time and he texts again with question marks then starts calling me again so my friend said you better take that otherwise he won’t stop, so I picked up the phone and he wanted to know what I needed to say he was insitant that I told him on the phone even though I said I’d rather tell you in person so I said I’ll give you the jist about it over the phone and then explain when I see you, so I told him and he said okay I’ll speak to you tomorrow about it and then he kept trying to keep the conversation going asking me if I was alright as something had happened to me the day previous that was a scary situation that his family members had heard about and told him, and then he was asking if I had gotten My money okay and I said yes just kept the conversation short and to the point and then said I’ve got to go now said bye and hung up then a few hours later he text me and said by the way you look stunning in that photo all the same people always like your photos I had posted a picture previously on Facebook and it was a pretty hot photo I made an effort and was showing I had been working out in a positive way, still i ignored him and then the next day he rang me and said he was too tired to Come over and had to do food shopping for the week but he sounded very nervous on the phone and said he’d come and pick me up from work tomorrow and I kept it very short and just said that’s fine see you tomorrow and he said oh okay cool and I said bye and then he said love you bye which I was really confused about saying love you to me, then the next day came and he text me and said I won’t be over tonight as I’ve got another training session but I’ll definitely be over tomorrow I ignored the text as I didn’t think it was nessecary to text back. I did think he might be stalling the situation though. Then the next day came and he said he would be over I said yes that’s fine and so he picked me up from work and took me home I kept positive and was in a happy bubbly mood the whole time I just told him what happened when I didn’t get the chance to tell him and he told me he still loved me but we both agreed we needed time and space to work on ourselves if we we’re going to get back together one day I think he’s scared of it happening again but he said he would think about what I said and to give it some time then couple of hours later he text me saying it was nice seeing you tonight I’m glad your ok and that zoe x Chris please help I want to finish the 30 day no contact and I’m scared that maybe I shouldn’t of talked to him when getting my stuff back? Even though there was a positive come out of it? It was a really sweet text for him to say and I’m scared that ignoring it will hurt his feelings? Or am I doing okay and using the push/pull effect? Please help!
    Zoe

    1. Avatar

      Zoe

      October 14, 2016 at 5:44 pm

      He text me today and said he’s been thinking next weekend do I want to go back to his and do something on the weekend it’s up to you, your choice, what does this mean? Is he trying to sort things out or is he just trying to make me a booty call becuase he’s not that kind of person who would do that I know he wouldn’t use me he’s not like that I’ve been with him for 2 and a half years and he’s not that kind of person. I’m very confused

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 15, 2016 at 3:18 am

      if you’re still in no contact, dont answer.. and dont over think..

    3. Avatar

      Zoe

      October 13, 2016 at 2:35 pm

      Hi Amore,
      When we spoke to each other exchanging items i said that I understood him and I needed space to work and focus on myself and I was the first one who said I don’t think we should get back together straight away and to give it some time and he agreed with me so it was me who said it first and so it was a mutual agreement. And so then he said he would think about what I had said and to give it some time. Do you think that chnages things as i was the one who said I understood and said we shouldn’t get back together first? And has this has ruined my chance of getting him back?

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 13, 2016 at 7:07 pm

      I think it increased your chances.. because in that way, it kind of makes him think he could lose you

    5. Avatar

      Zoe

      October 13, 2016 at 12:34 pm

      Update: I did text him back and I just said that it was nice seeing him too and I’m glad he’s okay too, I felt bad ignoring him I felt rude and ignorant as he did tell me that he still loved me and he did say that he would think about what I said and give it some time before we got back together and then sent a positive text saying it was nice seeing me , since I did reply to him does this mean I have to start the 30 days all over again? Or just continue to finish the 30 days I’m already in? Which is only 2 weeks left

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 13, 2016 at 2:22 pm

      Hi Zoe,

      no contact was really broken because both of you talked about your feelings.. So, that means you have to restart count.. and this time, just focus in improving yourself.. if you want you can tell him you understand him and he’s right because you need space for yourself too.. but don’t tell him for how long you’re going to need to space.. and then restart the count.

    7. Avatar

      Zoe

      October 13, 2016 at 9:22 am

      Also do you think I should continue to finish the 30 day no contact which is only 2 weeks left or start over again? I didn’t make any conversation with him apart from getting my things back and explaining to him about when I realised that I had changed as a person when I got my things from him. There was a positive that came out of it he said he would think about what I said and to give it some time and he told me that he loves me and still wanted to talk to me and text me a positive message that night that it was nice seeing me and he’s glad I’m ok. ?

  19. Avatar

    Jen

    October 7, 2016 at 3:06 am

    Hi EBR Team,
    I purchased the ExBoyfriend Recovery, and have been applying the NC. Day 10 came, and my ex boyfriend contacted me with a brief text of no real relevance. Then Day 11, came back with “I guess you don’t want to talk to me anymore”? I have not responded to either texts. We have been together 1.5 yrs, and been on and off, and he’s going through a divorce, and hes been more a taker than giver. I wanted more together, he started wanting space. So when we had an argument via text, we stopped speaking. I reached out to him a few days later, and was told he needed to take care of himself, and was extremely stressed his divorce. I said if he didn’t want to resolve things, I understood (this was all done through text). I did not beg or contact him again. I went into NC. So here we are on Day 11, and wanted to ask, is it bad to break NC just to text back and say…. “Hey, Im taking some time for myself to heal from the breakup and just think it’s best we don’t talk right now, but maybe we can in a few weeks.”

    Or am I best saying nothing? I am busy with challenges in my own life and my ex did not seem to concerned prior, very tied up in himself, and I was perhaps “to nurturing” and didn’t feel respected or feelings considered. So do I say anything?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 9, 2016 at 5:40 pm

      Hi Jen,

      nope.. let him be

  20. Avatar

    Kayla

    September 26, 2016 at 6:28 pm

    Me and my ex boyfriend started dating almost 2 years ago, at the beginning of the relationship it was perfect and he seemed very interested in me. but he had to move away and we still talked and saw eachother when he came back to visit, we pretty much acted like a couple but werent in a “relationship. a few times he wanted to end it but i begged him and he stayed. but all of the sudden he decided to end it. this time was not as hard as the other times we ended it, i wasnt torn up about it like i always am. and i decided to let it go. but one day he messaged me out of the blue and asked if he could come see me, i said yes and we hung out at my house and we connected really well, he asked me to be his girlfriend again and of course i said yes, for about two months everything was perfect, we barley argued but everytime we did he would chase me and everything just seemed different this time. he treated me like he never wanted to loose me. everythign seemed so different this time and all the bumps in the past didnt matter. i cnt really explain it.but one monday i saw him and everything seemed fine.but friday something with him and my mom happened and he wanted to break up. but that night he changed his mind. then the next day he said that we should take a break, i said okay, the weekend went by and then minday he said again that its better for us to break up, that he needs to focus on himself. i did the worse thing by begging him , it didnt work like the other times, but last week he said something about taking a break again, and then he changed his mind and said he wanted to break up AGAIN. since then ive been begging constantly and then getting angry and saying mean things and he says mean things back and then i apologizing constantly. ive just been blowing up his phone. my mom got angry and messaged im and they said some really mean stuff to eachother and she told him to block me and stop talking to me, i didnt hear from him for a weekend but then my mom apoligized to him and he said that it was okay. and that he truly loves me but he has to work two jibs and go to college and he just doesnt have time for a relationship. then he messaged me on snapchat and said that he loved me and i told him i loved him back and if he could unblock my number and on facebook and he just said no. i sent him a paragraph abput why hes so mean to me for no reason and that hes making the breakup harder for me. overall i just dont understand why hes acting like this when he was just acting like he really wanted this relationship. now hes acting like he doesnt care at all and he really just ended the relationship for no reason. i dont understand. im really upset and i want him back, and i dont want him to move on to another girl i just dont know what to do. the breakup was about 3 weeks ago

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 27, 2016 at 6:35 pm

      Hi Kayla,

      So, it all started when something happened between your mom and him? Why? Was it about a thing? Did your mom confront him about something?

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