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Danyel
September 30, 2016 at 3:41 pm
Me and my ex boyfriend were together for almost 2 years. We were friends with benefits before for 3 years on and off. We mived in together a few months after starting our relationship. There has been issues of trust (i have the issues but he never gave me a reason to think that way) and issues financially (he has been having issues with money due to child support). I have tried to be a support system and take up the slack. I thoight everything was ok but then we got into an arguement about him wanting to take a break to get his finances in order. We talked and he changed his mind. Then we got into an arguement months later regarding his childs mother(which i admit was very petty and unesscesary). The following day he broke up with me. We been broken up for about a month now but we still stay together. He wants to move out because he wants to get himself together financially. Our lease is up in December but he wants us to get back together on the day we move out to restart our relationship. I asked did he want to do this for more freedom to be with other people he said no if he wanted to be done with me he would have dissappeared. He says he needs us to stay seperately for one year so he can get his finances in order but still wants to get back in the relationship. For the time being we been “dating each other” and he acts as if we never broke up….i dont know what to do. Should i get the through the year living seperately from him but being in a relationship or give up? He says he has been feeling like less of a man and has been down on himself and wants this time to get it together so we can come back stronger.
Confused
October 4, 2016 at 7:21 pm
Give him what he wants. He has laid it out. Be your best you and support him without placing too many demands on him. In the long run, he will come back the way you want him, feeling safer because you trusted he was telling you the truth and you respected it.
Danyel
October 1, 2016 at 5:53 pm
Yes all he wants us seperate places for a year then get a house together…but i want i us to continue to stay together in the same apartment.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 4, 2016 at 5:40 pm
Honestly, I think you can work this out.. you just have to talk. If he’s telling the truth, that he wanted separate places for financial reasons, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. He has a child, and maybe his decision will let him be a better father. But if you keep pushing for what you want, then that might hurt the relationship. Be independent from him. If he really loves you, he will work with you for the relationship
Danyel
September 30, 2016 at 3:42 pm
Also he is 29 and im 30
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 1, 2016 at 5:33 pm
HI Danyel,
so all he wants is just for the two of you to have separate spaces right? But you want to live together?
Blessy
September 28, 2016 at 4:32 am
Hi
I hope you can help me.
A few days the man I loved broke up with me. Unfortounatly he didn’t give me a reason.. He said that I hurted him and that I tortured him him..Then after a couples of days I asked my friend to tell him that I would like to meet with him in the place where we first date. I text him to know if he will come also called him … So later he called me and he acted like he doesn’t know me.. He said: ” Hello! Who’s with me ? Imagine! I love him and I want him back please help me. Does he loves me?!
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 29, 2016 at 9:10 am
Hi Blessy,
how long were you together? When did you break up and how old are you both?
Steph
September 17, 2016 at 3:04 pm
Hi 🙂
My ex is the master of confusing signals. This is our second time breaking up so I’m a little less confused this time. I’m handling it much more sensibly and I’ve learned a lot about healthy relationships and self-love. But dammit he’s still pretty confusing lol.
Last time, we reunited after 6 weeks. This time, so far it’s been two months. And a lot of things are going much differently than they did before. But one thing seems consistent. Last time, when he started to warm up to me and contact me more often, he also started blowing up Facebook with attention-seeking posts. He also started aggressively chasing other women.
This time: he has warmed up to me again, started dropping hints that he isn’t dating, lingering at the end of a conversation, initiating more texts etc…and he’s started to blow up his Facebook with attention-seeking posts again.
I’m an observant/sciencey person. I think there’s something to this. I wonder if he’s trying to distract himself from liking me, or if he’s trying to squeeze in whatever he can or hurry and see what else is out there before giving me more of himself. Maybe our positive encounters are boosting his confidence and he’s using it to put himself out there. Or maybe it’s just that he’s exhausted the attention he was getting from others after our breakup or he’s been rejected and the only reason he’s warming up to me and blowing up his newsfeed is because he’s dying for attention from somebody/anybody (I’ve often wondered if he only came back last time because he had been rejected by someone else).
I would love to hear a male’s perspective on this, and maybe learn whether this is a common or unique thing. If it’s common, maybe incorporate it into your list of mixed signals 🙂
I would also like to know whether this is an indication of whether I should a) back off, b) guard myself from being used, or c) be more encouraging to his positive behavior.
Thank you!
Steph
September 19, 2016 at 8:33 pm
Update to my last reply: my instincts were correct. He texted half an hour befor he was supposed to be here and bailed, blaming fatigue, and also bailed for the coming Friday. He offered to make up the time next week.
He’s going to stay double-time tomorrow and we’re going to talk. I hope I can get input from you guys before then, this is it. Tomorrow will likely be the last time I ever see him again. My heart is broken.
Steph
September 19, 2016 at 6:31 pm
Yes, I would love to hear Chris’ perspective on this, thank you very much 🙂
I’ve posted here before about my situation so I hope you’re not tired of hearing from me lol.
We were together for about a year and a half, we broke up because I was needy and he lost attraction for me. I’m 36 and he’s 31.
We’ve been broken up for two months now, throughout that time he had blown hot and cold but has recently asked to come back into my life…as a friend.
He currently comes to my house on weekdays to help around the house, resuming his duties as a home support worker. His idea. He stays platonic, he never flirts, plus it seems like he can’t stop talking about himself. I recognized that he could be using me so I offered several times for him to no longer come and help but he declines and says he wants to. Technically I am too available because our work agreement has a schedule.
Our last few encounters were so encouraging that I felt as though he wanted to get closer. He was beaming, mimicking, making good eye contact, showing signs of jealousy, was hesitant to leave, stalling like he was considering a hug, texting after he got home etc.
I’ve been very welcoming, upbeat, never pouring it on too thick or bringing up anything about our relationship. We’ve even had a couple of outings and he’s open to more in the future.
But now that he’s suddenly pursuing someone else I’m left wondering whether I’ve been misreading him. I’m floored that his attention can be ripped away so easily and I find myself back at square one with my acceptance of the breakup and whatever progress I may have made with him. Luckily the progress I’ve made with myself is helping me through this new pain but I still can’t help but feel horrible and I’m unsure of which direction I should take now…should I stay or should I go
I’m expecting him to be cold when he visits today and I’m expecting that he’ll soon find a “reason” why he can’t come over anymore.
I’m torn between cutting him loose for good or to continue trying. If I fire him we won’t have a way to interact anymore, plus that’d basically be an invitation for him to let go and move on. I feel as though my chances have been shot with that one text he got last night before he ran off.
Steph
September 19, 2016 at 2:58 am
Update: I have reason to believe he met up with someone tonight.
Today he took me for a walk and ice cream, then got a text from a girl, rushed me home and took off, all the while encouraging me to make plans for us to continue to hang out well into the future.
Why is he wedging himself so thoroughly into my life while remaining platonic and actively seeking other women? If he was stringing me along as backup wouldn’t he be a lot more aloof? Before that text he had been going out of his way to indicate that he hasn’t been dating even though I never ask probing questions or snoop in any way.
I’m at a point where I don’t want to be vying for his attention, nor do I want to be used. But I also don’t want to quit now with the possibility that I’m thinking about this all wrong and runing my chances of getting him back.
Should I tell him how I feel or should I run away screaming? :/
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 19, 2016 at 4:09 pm
Hi Steph,
I can forward this to Chris but I can’t promise an immediate response. My take, is that, if he is keeping you as a back up, he wouldn’t be aloof, because he is trying to keep you as a back up. How would he keep you hooked if he’s always aloof? You’re hooked because he gives attention, makes you special and then pulls away right?
Every time he tries to reconnect, are you always accomodating? Do you sleep with him? Does it seem like you’re too available?
Why did he break up with you before and how long were you together? And how old are you both?
Catherine
September 17, 2016 at 8:04 am
Hi there 🙂
What a nice website , good to read your suggestions and other people’s experiences.
So my story short, had a BF for a period less than a year, and we broke up approximately 2 months ago because he moved to have another job (about 2 h by plane from here). A lot of drama was involved (from my side) but finally I managed to do no contact for 23 days and after that we started talking again (about 2 weeks ago).
Now he calls and sends messages and says how he misses me , and how I changed him forever, and how he can’t forget me and how he would like to spend time with me , sleep with me and so on… So finally I was fed up and asked whether he would like to meet up but then he put the defense on again by saying “I am not sure if it is good for our health etc etc”…. So I just changed the subject to daily things and went silent again.
What should I do in this situation? Forget about it or give it some more time? My patience is running out 😀
Looking forward to hearing from you ,
C.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 19, 2016 at 1:05 pm
Hi Catherine,
try a little pull.. go out with your other friends, be less available and when you’re not available, have fun.
confused
September 16, 2016 at 3:25 am
Hi so my ex of a year and a half broke up with me a couple months ago but we havent seen each other in 4 months. I was doing limited contact because we had some work related problems to work out, but I always made it a point to respond a while after and be the one to end the conversation. We saw each other for the first time yesterday and he seemed very happy to see me, he came over asked how I was, about my classes and said he wants to help me study for one of them, he then said he had to get to class and said he’ll be in contact with me soon. he never texted me that day. the next day he asked a question about a class, and i answered very nicely and then asked him another question, but these texts were very cold and distant on his part. we talked a little before we got to school and he seemed very happy, so it was confusing seeing a sudden change in text. i saw him that day and he did not acknowledge me whatsoever. i’m confused as to how he had such a change all of a sudden? do i ask him if i did anything to cause this change in behavior?
thanks!
confused
September 18, 2016 at 3:45 pm
i did limited no contact for a month, still continuing because there were a few days where we did had to talk so i figured i would extend it a little past a month. and yes i have made more friends and become more outgoing. he always pushed me to try and not be as shy because he knew i didnt want to be shy anymore so i am making an effort to go out and meet new friends and whatnot. i am posting pictures of myself dressing up and being with friends. he also thought i was a little too sensitive because i would always bring small issues up. last night i found out he made out with someone i am kind of friends with, so i am making a point to not confront him about it because he would be expecting me to freak out about it right?
thanks for the help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 20, 2016 at 3:55 pm
yes. I know it’s hard but confronting him about it would most likely end up in an argument.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 18, 2016 at 3:14 pm
Hi Confused,
nope, don’t ask him.. by the way, how long did you do limited nc and are you still continuously improving yourself?
Jhuma
September 10, 2016 at 2:00 pm
We were in a two months relationship ,both of us got really attached.he would video call me,tell me he missed me,told he got jealous when one of his friends was hitting on me,told me he likes spending time with me alone,but when I am around other people,I am too friendly.
He broke up with me saying it’s just attraction,it can’t be love.he is supposed to be happy with me but he is not,he wants to be single.i feel like it’s my mistake,I didn’t took him for granted,now I miss him.he said he cannot trust me.
I texted him n pleaded for a week ,saying I want another chance.he blocked me on wats app.
Then I stopped calling or msging him n unfriended him on Facebook .
After a week of no contact ,he unblocked me on wats app n wished me birthday.i read the msg but didn’t reply for about two hours. He blocked me again on wats app.so I msgd him on Facebook ,to which he didn’t reply but accepted my fb request.
Then the next day we bumped into each other in a club ,we didn’t talk,but after I got back home,he msgd me on Facebook.it was 4am when he texted,n we chatted for about half and hour,just friendly conversation.
Then I saw I was unblocked on wats app again ,then I woke up n checked ,I was blocked again ,this is so weird.
Then he texted me yesterday again ,around the same time n asked what am I up to.
The thing is since the break up I have been going out every single day to forget him, n keep bumping into him ,he is been going out every single day as well I don’t know why ?!
Anyway I replied to his msg ,then I asked him if he wants to catch up,he said I can come over if I want to. I went to his place ,we spoke for about an hour;then he said he is sleepy ,I can sleep there if I want to.
I cuddled a bit ,he said he doesn’t want to cuddle.i stayed there for sometime then I left.then this afternoon he blocked me on wats app again.during the conversation I told him I have very strong feelings for him,he said this is not the right time to discuss this n this not why he invited me.
I don’t understand his behavior ;what should I do , I wanna get back with him.
Jhuma biswas
September 16, 2016 at 8:52 pm
You suggested me to do 21 days nc .what after NC?! What should I do next ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 19, 2016 at 6:22 am
be productive in improving yourself during and after 21 days and then initiate contact. Check this one out on how to text him:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 12, 2016 at 7:48 am
Hi Jhuma,
I think you need to do 21 days nc and avoid the places you usually go to, so, you can have a restart
ALX
September 6, 2016 at 6:03 pm
Hi,
have been in a relationship with my partner for 5 years, we lived together most of that time. During the relationship we fought and broke up plenty of times. Anyway, he broke up for good with me and we handed the notice for our house a few weeks ago. During this time he has gone from saying that he didn’t mind me seeing other people, to telling me it would bother him if I did to then saying that he still really loves me and acting as if he was still my partner to now reiterating that he will be living by himself once the lease is up and that he doesn’t want to be with me. I suppose I allowed this to happen but it does still hurt. Advise welcome
ALX
September 15, 2016 at 1:00 pm
Hello, thank you for responding, 2 months ago but living together until lease is up. Yes, I’m doing NC which is tricky when sharing a house but trying my best.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 18, 2016 at 1:43 pm
that’s good. Listen to this one so you can navigate no contact rule better while living together. EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 7, 2016 at 9:59 am
Hi Alx,
when did you break up? Are you going to do the no contact rule?
Kitkat
September 2, 2016 at 6:25 am
So if all that was cover ups then does that mean that when he says he won’t go on a dating app again or cheat on me, he’s lying?
And why did he hug me for the longest time when I told him we were through?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 2, 2016 at 5:26 pm
more likely because he keeps giving you half truths..
now the hug is more of a mixed signal.. but he’s human, the hug can be out of guilt, or because he knows things about your change, even if he’s not that serious, that doesn’t mean he’s not going to miss you
gio
September 1, 2016 at 6:00 pm
I’m getting mixed signals or at least i was with this guy for a year right before we met he had vacationed in puerto rico while visiting family and had a fling, long story short fling got pregnant . To cut to the break he does not love her or want to be with her so he says. She’s coming now today actually from puerto rico to take the baby to a specialist because of not being able to hear out of one ear. Since he broke the news to me that she is coming he began to act distant. but would still look for me and assured me he loved me and wanted me. The other night he made a comment about how he doesnt know what is going to happen when she comes which led me to believe that he has been thinking about maybe trying to work something out with her for the baby like be with her. I told him that i didnt know how I can handle that and if that’s how he really felt that I would give him his space to figure it out. He told me that’s not what he wanted but that he respects my decision. I havent completley cut him off but have been distant with him. He still calls me the sweet names like always as if I never told him I was going to give him space. The next day after I told him about the space on the phone he began to ask me questions about the men of my past if i ever saw potential in them or if i could see my self reconnecting with one of them and what is that i look for in a man. I dont know if he asked me that because when i told him i wanted space i said i should explore opportunites as well. He then that same night calls me facetime and regular and i didnt answer trying to stick to my “giving space” he then text me asking if i was ignoring him. I’m not sure of the signals if he is just trying to be strong and act like he’s not hurt or is he just now geniuely trying to be my friend . Help me with some insight please
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 2, 2016 at 12:53 pm
Hi Gio,
when you said you’d give him space, it doesn’t mean you broke up with him right? Maybe that’s what he thinks, so he’s still trying to get your attention.. but I do agree that you need to give him space because he shouldn’t be confused with the two of you. You’re the girlfriend, she’s the baby mama, period.
Kitkat
September 1, 2016 at 6:48 am
I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years and in April one of my girlfriends calls me, asking if my boyfriend and I were still together because she found his profile on tinder. Being shocked of the news and not really knowing what the app was about, I created an account (wanting to see it with my own eyes) and I found his profile. From the picture he had on the account, the closest year I could date to the account was a year and a half into our relationship when the photo of him was taken. I confronted him through text (my own mistake as it was not in person) and he denied it at first. Claiming he had it before we met. When I told him about the year the photo was taken, He blamed his bad memory (ADD & ADHD) for not remembering when he had it, only that he wanted to try the app for a few days (my first mixed signal) then deleted the app off his tablet. I was upset and told him I wanted to take a break from May 31 to the end of June and he said have a good break (which hurt me deeply and apparently he thought I was only asking for a break because I would b buzy, not because of the relationship). During that time I refused to see him for a few weeks and tried as hard as I could not to reply to his texts.
On June 16th I couldn’t bear the pain any more and suggested we break up. With this statement he begged for more time to prove himself worthy to keep me and even claimed he would try harder in the relationship. Following this he made several attempts to try and make plans to see me and keep me while leaving the impression on me that he was acting like nothing really happened.
On June 26 he messaged me and said he wanted to talk things over at a restaurant. At the dinner I asked him how long he had it, he said 2 months. When I was shocked he said out of the two months he only used it for 2 weeks. When I got upset with that answer he said out of the two weeks he probably used it for 2-4 days. (My second mixed signal) When I proceeded to ask why he didn’t delete his account and only the app he claimed he didn’t know how (my third mixed signal) and I told him that Google would have easily provided that answer and he said he didn’t think of that. (My fourth mixed signal). I asked what he did with it and he said the setting was for both genders (my fifth mixed signal) and he swiped like on everyone. (My sixth mixed signal). But he never said why, only to view what their profiles said. He claims he never met up with anyone nor talked to them. (Having daddy issues -a father that cheated on my mother twice, and my bf having this lie/secret be the second time he has kept the truth from me (first being smoking~which he stopped when I found out and threatened to break up with him if he didn’t quit)) I found this “supposed confession” hard to believe. And with the pain of wondering “what if..he goes on the app again or cheats on me for real” I decided to break up with him that night. The one thing I noticed different from my father when I told him we were through, was that he didn’t yell or defend himself. He only hugged me for the longest time and never let go (even tho I didn’t reciprocate this hug) for what felt like 5 minutes. (My seventh mixed signal).
Two weeks after I told him in person that it was over because I couldn’t stand the “what ifs..” He messaged me saying “i miss you and want to be a huge part of your life i will in prove my 100% just to be with you so could i please have another chance with you u mean alot to me”. I did not respond as I didn’t know what to say because my heart was still broken.
Throughout July and August he continued to attempt to make plans to see me. Later in August I asked him again (now that we had broken up for a while now) why he had to download the app and swipe like to everyone. Why couldn’t he just look up the reviews online or ask a buddy to download it on their phone so he could see it. And why he found it impossible to tell me”. His answer was “1 afraid of your reaction 2 afraid u blow it up out of proportion like u did 3 I don’t do reviews I try it 4 kinda weird to ask a budy just for that”. Then I asked why he tried it if he knew I would b upset. His only answer being “curiosity killed the cat”. I asked what he would do in the future and he said “not let the cat get the better of me”. I told him that he should of confronted me about his curiosity first so that we may look at it together and be done with it and he asked if that meant he was getting a second chance. I told him I wasn’t sure he deserved a second chance as he hurt my feelings deeply and he said he would do better if he got the second chance. I asked him how I would know that he won’t be hanging out with some other girl. And his response was that he didn’t know but only that he wouldn’t do it.
So naturally with these mixed signals in my delema, I am confused on whether or not he is telling the truth, if I can trust him again, and if he really would do anything to not lose me, including not going on a dating app or cheating on me.
My friends say don’t trust him but my heart is wondering if like the smoking, he will stop this “viewing around?” because he got caught
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 1, 2016 at 2:37 pm
Hi Kitkat,
it’s not actually mixed signals.. It’s denials. A mixed signal is when he tells you he loves you and then ignores you the next day or he hugs you, wants to be with you but says he’s not ready yet.. All those you mentioned above are like cover ups to his mistake..
Ethereal
August 30, 2016 at 3:44 am
Hi, I hope you can help give insights on this situation — I and my partner of 4 years had everything going good until 8 months ago when we started having a long distance relationship because of work. We started having more arguments over that and the fact that when he gets the chance to go for vacation with me, half of the time he spends with his child from an ex and the remaining half of his vacation time spent with me would be mostly okay but not as great as it used to be. I have become more clingy as I have noticed something as changing in his habits and suspecting he might be seeing somebody else. I asked him if he was which he denied (of course, you think the guy would not lie?). He became easily annoyed with me but blamed on being tired of arguing with me and the situation that we have been always arguing. You see a lot of negative things happened to me since the beginning of the year including a death in the family, an debilitating illness involving one of my parents, and difficulties with the distance as we were in different continents. I became so negative and angry at the world. I begged him to work things out and told him I did not want to lose the relationship. Next day, I gave him the usual wake up call (he called me every night before sleeping and me every morning to wake him) but he seemed distant. then POOF!!! he’s gone! 2 days after, I received a sweet e-mail saying that his silence does not mean he does not love as he loves me immensely. He just needed to get himself back on track and have to try and forget the difficulties we had the past months. He said it will take some time so he hopes I understand that. He claimed to be a sensitive person and that his bucket was simply put “overflowing” and that’s when he shuts down. He said he realized I was hurting and wanted to let me know that he still loves me. Then 2 weeks of dead silence despite my 3 e-mails to communicate with him by reminding him of how much I miss him. Yesterday, I learned from someone at his work that he tried his luck with a girl at work who works for him — something like — he’s a supervisor and she’s a clerk working under him. Apparently nothing happened as the girl turned him down because she’s taken. I got devastated even more when I learned this was going on a few weeks ago — which was when he sent me the sweet e-mail before he completely disappeared. I sent a well-composed e-mail to finalize breaking off with him and stated it was unhealthy to be kept hanging for more than 2 weeks and that we had something so good that he managed to waste away. As parting, I told him that if his definition of “getting himself back on track” meant going after this clerk, then I don’t think I would want his old self back.
Now…I am not picking up my own chair but — let’s just say I have a good profession and finished beyond college degree. We both knew we were a good catch for each other and were perfect together before these things happened. But learning that he tried his luck on this girl left me devastated even more. Apparently he’s still alone at the moment (apparently) but does not seem to be affected b our break-up. I’ve started the NC rule since the 19th and broke the silence yesterday when I sent him the e-mail to formalize walking away. I’m so lost and confused and no clue as to what I should do besides improving myself. I’m still deeply hurt more so by his maintaining complete silence. No reply to the letter I sent. It seems he’s just completely shut me out of his life — after 4 years.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 12:30 pm
Hi Ethereal,
restart count.. and this time, focus on yourself only to heal.. let him be.. do 30 days.. that’s good that you know you’re a great woman, I think you just have to get your independence back so that you don’t become clingy again
Jackie
July 23, 2016 at 3:44 am
We have done the on and off thing for 4 years. He left in March and came back July 1st. We hung out three times and he called me four times last week. Now I saw him Sunday and things were great, but he disappeared. It’s been 5 days. What happened? I think calling him would just give him a reason to hurt me by saying he didn’t want to reconcile or that I pushed him. I’m really upset that he even contacted me. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 23, 2016 at 1:47 pm
Hu Jackie,
give it a month, if he doesn’t contact by then,.you can initiate
June
July 17, 2016 at 9:20 am
Hi I just broke up with my ex for about 17 days. We broke up because of a little fight and he said it didn’t cause the breakup but it triggered it, he said he loves me but he wants to focus on his career and studies for now. But after I’ve read a lot of post on this website I quickly realize it’s either he’s lying about it or he doesn’t know he simply fell out of love (fyi he’s a very driven person in his studies and career) he even told me he wish we could be together again in the future (BS) but I really love this guy as I see potential in us. The breakup came so quick I didn’t even see it coming as we were very sweet. We had a mini breakup this January and I plead and we agreed to work things out. I was very needy and clingy, he didn’t care about my feelings like he used to. We slowly changed… But I guess it wasn’t good enough. I’ve executed no contact for 6 days but failed as I’m very afraid he’ll be mad at me for not replying plus he texted my friend to ask her to take care of me as he knows me, he said I won’t move on as easily. My friend asked him to worry about me himself, he said… He doesn’t want to give me any high hopes as he just treats me like his friend now. Before I execute the no contact, he would even text me random things involving his family, he even bought me a gift the day we broke up, he say he still cares… And… I know I shouldn’t do this but yesterday I looked into his fb messages with other girls, he was flirting and told the girl we broke up (the girl has a bf) , like he used to talk to me when he was chasing me. I’m very confused, I really don’t know what is he thinking… Everyday I keep convincing myself that we are NOTHING, I shouldn’t care what girl or person he associates with. The hard part is I’m in his class. It will be even harder for me if I see him close with other girls… Pls help…
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 18, 2016 at 5:11 pm
Hi June,
he said you won’t move on easily? so, he knows that you’re still hoping to get back together.. do the opposite.. be civil with him during class but don’t initiate contact and don’t be engaging when he initiates..be polite but give short rplies..and then just focus in improving yourself and going out with friends and meeting new.people
Lydia
July 11, 2016 at 4:55 pm
I broke up with my ex boyfriend back in April. I found text messages between him and his ex girlfriend on his computer and confronted him about it. He first tried convincing me that she was obsessed with him and then proceeded to blame me for his unfaithfulness. Things did not end well. 2 months later, he is off to vacation and texts me, telling me that he misses me and even says that he loves me. We texted for a week and then he dissapeared for 2 days and I did not hear from him at all. Durng that week, he kept trying to convince me of his love and would continously text throughout the day. Since the 2 days he went MIA, he’s been acting distant and I don’t know what to make of it. I”m so frustrated because it feels like a game to me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 12, 2016 at 1:26 pm
Hi Lydia,
hmm do you still want to try nc?
Marina Gonzalez-Irvin
July 11, 2016 at 1:07 am
Please help me understand Chris. I want nothing more in this world that to understand my ex (we were together for a year and a half). He has thrown just about every mixed signal in the world. We were best friends our first year of college. We were the absolute best of friends. He finally decided to tell me he liked me, even though he was very shy and didn’t expect me to feel the same way. I did. I love you more than anyone could imagine. Of course, after our INCREDIBLE honeymoon phase we began to argue. Though our arguments were mostly caused by my insecure feelings, we always solved them and continued to nurture our love. Honestly, I see that most of our intense fighting was my fault. We had our whole life planned out. We figured out his major together, made plans for graduate school, we put a deposit down on our first apartment together, we decided we wanted to get married soon, we always talked about our dream of having kids together (he is amazing with kids). A month before our move into our apartment we had an argument and he decided he wanted to go back home (after living with me and my family for over 6 months). He wanted to go home to work to save up money and also to give us time to realize the love we have for each other and also so I have time to change the things I need too. We agreed to remain loyal and faithful to each other (of course) and he promised he would be coming back. I helped him back and he went ahead and left a few things because we would be seeing each other soon. During the first week we talked often and he continued to share that he loved me and that he can’t wait to spend our lives to get married and have kids. God, Chris I love this man so much. I mean every word. He I’d the one for me. We lost our virginities together, I was his first for everything. After the first week, after talking to his family and airing out all our dirty laundry, he decided that people don’t change and that I never will. He decided to break up with me. Since then, he told me he missed me so much that he holds my belongings close, that he regrets leaving but “what’s done is done”, he told me he is always going to be here for me. He sent me a text at midnight saying that he would always beside me while I sleep (not physically obviously) and wished me sweet dreams. I didn’t reply at that time because I was very happy with his text but he had been ignoring me for hours at a time purposely so I just didn’t want to seem to eager. The next day (perhaps he knows I didn’t reply purposely), he deletes and blocks me on FB! I was going to call and ask why he would do that, but I decided it wasn’t a good idea because he said he would call then decided he couldn’t. Later, he deleted me from Instagram, and then finally another week later he blocked me from Snapchat. I don’t understand why he liked one of my Instagram pictures captioned “absence makes the heart grow fonder”, then added his ex that he told me he didn’t care about (he dated her 2 years prior and she “wasn’t” anything to him). This causes me a lot of hurt because she was the reason for my insecurity and jealousy for a long time, and he seemed completely honest when he said their relationship was just a kid phase). Also, before blocking me on Snapchat he posted things that were specifically for me… Once he wrote “I still miss you” on his story, then deleted it as soon as I had seen it. Other times he would post songs that meant a lot to us, sometimes late at night. He had even made it obvious that others find him attractive (which I expect since he is very handsome). While we were dating, at one point, I made him take his Snapchat info off his social media because I didn’t want so stranger messaging him “personal pictures”. But since the breakup he posted his info and made it clear by posting to Snapchat that someone had messaged him asking for a “dick picture”. Now, this is what really hurt me. I am the only person he has ever been intimate with and he is showing that he is okay with people asking to see him in this way. This along with him messaging his ex and liking her photos (yes I looked…) Has hurt me beyond words. During the last days of our communication things have gotten very confusing and hurtful. The day after he sent his midnight message, I messaged him asking if he was going to be able to meet up with me (at first he was completely against meeting up because he didn’t want to give me false hope and he didn’t want me to try to beg him back, but he decided he missed me and wanted to see me later). He replied saying he had to work, I just settled for saying “that’s fine” and he then replied saying “yeah but it is sad, it had been a while”. I waited (because I was upset) and didn’t reply until maybe 5 hours later, at 9:30 at night saying “it is sad”. That’s when he replied saying “you know what, if you are gonna text me this late then don’t text at all”. I was hurt and very confused (9 is not late for him especially since he can text me at 12). I decided to let him have some space (since that is what he has been wanting) and I also was waiting to see if he would reply first letting me know he was sorry for being so rude. 5 days past and I decided to message because I truly love him and miss him. I sent a message saying “Do you want to tslk now? I miss my best friend and I hope you feel the same way.” No reply… So I sent a second message a few hours later saying “Goodnight. I love you, and I always will, just like I’ve always told you. You mean the world to me. I love you the best I can. Hopefully, you will make the effort to meet me soon if you really miss me as much as you say. I wish you wanted all I have to give you. I just ask that you at least meet me like we have talked about.” Finally he replied…. He said “I’m done with you trying to mind fuck me. You haven’t texted me in a while and now all of a sudden you wanna call me your best friend. That crap is not flying with me, I’m moving with my life. I wish you the very best, but I hope that you’ll stop texting me.”. This crushed me deeply. This is not the man I know, he would never talk to me this way. After begging him to not be that way (I know bad idea), I decided to just give him space. I tried to understand his reasoning because Chris I really do love this man. From my reasoning, I decided he must just be angry that I haven’t been throwing myself at him as usual. Also, I know I hurt him badly in the past. I know I am a controlling person, and I want to change that. I was in a bad relationship before him. It lasted around 2 and a half years. The man I was with yelled and cussed at me, played mind games with me, degraded me, talked to other girls, lied to me, etc. I know I brought this baggage with me. I hated myself and I wanted to control everything so I didn’t worry that the past would repeat itself. This was a major fault in myself. I truly did want to change. I promised my lover that I would change do we could stop fighting so much. Honestly I failed several times (and I hate breaking promises). Finally, I decided I needed to make this stop. This man was the man I wanted in every part of my future. So I went to therapy. Although this didn’t change everything, I did make improvements. But I guess it wasn’t enough since he still broke up with me. I really do realize what I need to change, and I am working hard on fixing my past pain and insecurities. My ex doesn’t want to see any of my changes, maybe it is easier for him to feel confident in his decision. Lastly, during this last week (nearly a month after the breakup) I messaged my lover saying, “I just wanted to know if you are interested in talking. I see where you have been coming from. I realize I need to love myself in order to work on the parts I’ve hated for so long. I’ve found things I love about myself during this time that has felt even longer than our freshman Christmas break. I hope I can share what I’ve learned with you.” He did reply saying that we could talk, but “that’s it”. He said he was always there for me as a friend. Later that night after a normal “what have you been up to” conversation, he messaged m
e and then messaged again saying “sorry wrong number”. This hurt. After that night, I messaged him the next day with just a simple hello, and he ignored me. I haven’t heard from him in 5 days or so. Also he finally blocked me from the last social media we had linking each other (Snapchat). I don’t understand. He said he would always be there for me, even as a friend and then he blocked me. He even posted that he was looking for a new best friend before blocking me. This hurt more than many things because we were the best of friends, we went through 2 years of college together… Right now, I haven’t heard from him since he ignored my last message. He transfered colleges also (which I feel was influenced strongly from him parents who wanted him close to home and also on acting fast and on emotion). Lastly, I planned on still moving into the apartment by myself so I could work on myself even further….but he called and canceled without even asking so now I don’t even have our apartment. I mean…please imagine your lovely wife doing all this. I truly did love him and was 100% happy and dedicated to having him and only him. I didn’t need anyone else. Please try to understand this from this deep level. Please help, I’m fighting so much depression and pain. I am truly hurt.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 12, 2016 at 8:33 am
Hi Marina,
you have to work in your emotions first.. yes, he missed you but he was tired of the relationship.. treat this as a reset.. work on yourself first. Heal, improve and be independent before trying to initiate contact..You should do 45 days and then just focus on you..you have to be more rational first so that you won’t act out desperation
Marie
July 6, 2016 at 1:54 pm
Hello! My boyfriend broke up with me, it wasnt a bad break up, just normal. I’ve made the no contact rule for 30 days. (Two-year-relationship, it was the Second Time he said he doesnt Know if he is the Right for me, but I know my mistakes, I’ve been often too needy). Ok, he broke up. He doesnt contact me during NC. After 30 days I’ve contact him and we are writing per whatsapp (I make push pull, Highlight our good times, and so on…and he respond to every of my texts in a positive way). Another guy ask me out. My Question is, should I go now on a Date with someone I get to know during the 30-days-no Contact with my eyboyfriend? Because in one of your Articles you recomended that I should go on a Date with someone new DURING the NC, but the Nc is over and I writing right now with my ex (of course I dont have the guarantee that we will come together again). Thank you a lot 🙂
Marie
July 8, 2016 at 9:09 pm
Yes, it looks like I´m building rapport with my ex boyfriend, we just writing about several things, but I´m not sure, if he sees me like a friend in the moment or have feelings, maybe mixed signals from him. So I´ve asked you it is okay to go on a date with another guy (no group), he asks me out, (just to push my self-confidence) but still writing with my ex boyfriend, I don’t know If i should have a bad conscience if I go out on a date…
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 9, 2016 at 12:26 pm
not yet.. it could affect your progress.. it’s better if it would be a group date.. ask the other guy if he’s ok to go out with your friends instead
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 7, 2016 at 1:34 pm
Hi Marie,
how is yir relationship with your ex now? does it look like your building rapport with him or he’s hesistant? because if it’s more of beinf hesistant then go on a date but if not, try just a group date to make him a little jealous
Mandy
July 4, 2016 at 10:28 pm
Ex arranged to meet me after nc rule and returned my belonging, he kissed my lips and said see me soon, then said as friend. One week later I text happy birthday to him and he recommended to meet for dinner. What does he actually want?
After break up, when we first met, he told me his ex wife move out from his hubby, his beloved ex girl friend contacted him again, which was the main reason we break up. He told me he will not be with them again but I always doubt it. Also, we be together over a year, he started to invite his friends (may be another lady) to a music concert or dancing class but no interested invite me. I complain as well from this issue. He added our dancing friend to his facebook but not me, as his children or facebook friend might wondering he would dance with his girl friend. I don’t feel that he respected me, also, he stated he doesn’t feel the same with me anymore, (prehaps when his ex contacted him again but no work out later as she is married)
Do you think I can trust him? I still wonder if I should go dinner with him which will confuse myself. Thank you for give comment.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 5, 2016 at 5:35 am
Hi Mandy,
nope.. if you really can trust him, he shouldn’t have done that
Jermaine
June 21, 2016 at 10:05 am
My ex boyfriend texted me after 6 months on my birthday to ask me out to birthday dinner. Unfortunately I am overseas and will only be back next month. He told me to inform him when I’m back. However when I text him to chat casually he is friendly but does not initiate the conversation the next day. Is he still keen? Will he still want to meet me when I get back next month?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 21, 2016 at 9:50 pm
Hi Jermaine,
test him out.. If he still initiates a meet once you say you’re back, then that’s good. Right now, it’s ok to initiate contact as long as you’re the one to end it.
joy
June 9, 2016 at 5:44 am
Hi there,
I hope you can give me a bit of insight on my situation. My boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me on my 26th birthday, he’s also 26. He said he doesn’t love me anymore because he doesn’t love himself. Prior to dropping the bomb, we’ve been fighting over little things, mostly instigated by me. On top of that he’s been having financial troubles and I’ve been lending him a hand to get by. I am a single mum when we met and about 8 months later we have already moved in together, along with my daughter and mum. So his reason behind leaving me is because he want to make something of himself, he says he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone if he’s not happy with himself.
Unfortunately, I begged and I begged, it was so sudden and he wanted to go from lovers to not even friends. He said he would feel negative everytime he sees me call or text. So I tried NC but only to last 3 days because we lived together and he still has some things here and he’s taken some important documents of mine by mistake and I really needed it. Anyhow we texted and it was good, at least I couldn’t sense any hate. A day has gone by and I began to feel, why aren’t I cleaning cutting this? He’s pretty much clean cutting me? He hasn’t initiated any contact since the day he moved out.
He says maybe we could try again in the future but doesn’t know how long it takes to fix himself. I have broken him apparently. I really love him and I’m so emotional over this. We talked about marriage and kids. Even when we tried relationship counselling prior to the breakup, we did a somewhat compatibility test and the results came back very good. The counsellor even said we want the same things in life and it is very rare to see such a high percentage of compatibility. I want to wait for him but I’m feeling very insecure because he can’t give me a time. If I proceed with NC again, will it have any effect on him at all?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 9:55 am
Hi Joy,
if he needs time for himseld to grow, you have to let him and set aside your feelinggs for now.. If you really love him, you’ll give him the space to grow
Amber
June 6, 2016 at 6:24 pm
Chris please help me. I don’t know If I’m getting mixed signals from my ex bf or maybe I’m over analyzing. We were together since we were 17 for 9yrs. We were inseparable. We did everything together and then life started getting more serious. School got really serious for him about 3yrs ago and now he’s so focused on his career. Anyways he broke up with me 4months ago when I told him he doesn’t have time for me anymore and started crying. We were only seeing each other maybe once a week. He told me he felt different and that he felt like he couldn’t be himself around me like I was always judging him and this was totally left field for me. I didn’t expect it at all especially because he was always attentive and affectionate with me. Never noticed any distance from him. He would do anything for me. We were best friends. I of course begged and it didn’t work out. We were in limited contact for the first 2 months where I would always initiate. Even had sex twice but would tell me he wants me to move on and he fell out of love and knew for some time it wasn’t going to work out. If he felt that way he never should have continued to make me believe we had a future. He would talk about buying a house together and even telling his family our plans. after our second meeting he told me he doesn’t ever contact me first because he doesn’t want me to think he wants to get back with me. We ended up having sex. He was loving and affectionate when we didn’t talk about the past. He drove me home and reached for my hand to hold the whole way home. After he dropped my off I txted him something funny and he responded. 3 days later for the first time he initiated a txt regarding something that we are both fond of. A movie series. I kept it short and then 2 days later he txted me again over something trivial that he didn’t actually need to txt me for. Again I kept it short. I decided to go NC. I think 2 weeks in he txted me HBDAY and I ignored it. And on day 28 he txted me to let me know about something coming on tv and I ignored him until 2 days later. I txted him back and kept it short. It seemed like it was fine and I actually turned him down when he mentioned something about getting together to hang out. And ended the conversation. The next day he unfriend me on FB and I let it go. The next day I txted him and he ignores me and I confronted him and he told me he unfriend me because he was mad I ignored him when he txted me HBDAY and turned down hanging out with him. We cleared the air and I got to the point where enough was enough because I felt like I was being stringed along or used as a security blanket. So I told him give my things back. After we are done with the exchange. Never ever contact me ever again. Ever since that he started being nice to me. Being apologetic. Begging for me to respond to his txt. Sending paragraphs in txt explaining himself and apologizing when for 3 months I didn’t get much of nothing out of him. Not even a hi how are you. He even tells me he’s ready to be friends but knows I’m not ready yet. How can he be ready in 3 months even if he didn’t love me? I don’t even think he properly grieved yet. His family says he’s become a different person and his relationship with his siblings changed for the worse when they were once really close. He tells me he wants to be friends and be able to confide in me and be able to talk and share our life with each other but I can’t do that. So now that I want nothing to do with him he’s being nice and still hasn’t given me the last of my things. Which is just a bunch of things that can easily be mailed. The last time I txted him for it he ended up calling me when he has never called me since the breakup. And for the first time he was talking to me normally. Told me he could drop it off later that night and I said forget it because I will be asleep. Then later that night he decides to txt me at 1am to tell me he’s on his way home. I never responded. I know he wants to be friends but that’s not what friends do. He’s acting weird. It’s been 2 weeks since that last txt from him. I don’t plan to reply. I hate him but I can’t deny I still love him. If he wants to reconcile I’m up for it. But I don’t get his actions. Is he stringing me along? is he confused with what he wants? I am not waiting around because I have gone out with someone and have been talking to him for hours multiple times already. I just wish I knew what I ex wants from me and what to do about him. Should I keep trying with him or is it a lost cause??