Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back

542 thoughts on “Common Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back”

tina

February 10, 2016 at 6:26 am

Hello, someone asked my ex on ask.fm to get back together with me and that we look good together and he replied saying ‘lol’ :/ what does that even mean? its been nearly 3 months since we broke up and i have been acting desperate (drunk texted him pouring my heart out twice). We’ve finally started communicating again after my second drunk text and i really want him back. What can be done?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 11, 2016 at 9:44 am

Hi Tina,

It’s hard to just base his thoughts just because of one text. It’s better if you observe his actions regarding you. Be the ungettable girl, that means be interesting but don’t chase hin

Celestial

February 6, 2016 at 1:23 am

So, basically i met this guy on Tinder. we hit it off immediately and for some reason he wanted to make things official pretty quickly. i agreed but with caution. we spent full long weekends together, met my mom, and interacted with friends. he started being a real jerk by telling me to go flirt with guys to get him free drinks, when i made him dinner he’d critique it and not appreciate it and finally when i asked why he never posts the cute pictures of us on his instagram vs the ugly ones he has with other girls in groups. he answers ” well because i have girls that like me on my instagram and i dont want to have to answer to them”. not to mention hes let me drive home super drunk once after day drinking to be with his friends (which i couldnt go bt other girls went)

well i finally pulled the plug and responded
” well you either arent listening or dont want to listen to my point, either are fine. i dont have time nor energy to fight you on this. we are running into a pattern of bickering (me driving home drunk, him asking me to flirt–my reasons for being annoyed with him he calls bickering) and i dont like it. if you are not ready to spend some time understanding, then it might be better we split ways”….

this was on monday and its now friday and ive heard nothing. mind you we have been extremely intimate. hes not even really on my level but… i want him back…. why hasnt he tried to call me?!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 6, 2016 at 2:46 pm

Hi Celestial,

all of this in a span of?

Al

February 5, 2016 at 4:46 pm

I’m almost three weeks into the NC rule. While he was breaking up with me I said I wanted to return his stuff back to him, but he said to give it a little time and then he’ll swing by sometime and get it. It bothers me that he said this because it feels like a control thing. *I* have to wait for *him* to come by and get it. So I want to just drop the box of his stuff off at his house today, no letter or anything. Would this improve or decrease my chances of him wanting me back? Is this breaking the NC rule?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 6, 2016 at 11:08 am

HI Al,

No, it’s not breaking the rule but don’t do it. If you want to gain control, once he texts, reschedule.

SWhittle

January 20, 2016 at 6:27 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me on Jan 1st (it was a complete shock to me) because he ‘lost feelings for me’ – though I suspect he does not feel good enough for me (He’s 27 and makes half of what I do in a dead end job, I am 30 with a fairly successful career). I implemented the no contact rule for my own healing the next day. We were living together, I gave him till the end of the week to get his things out. The only contact we had was essential for the splitting of belongings and getting him to hold to the deadline to move out. I did not gnat him (4 texts and 2 phone calls over the course of a week and I did show up at the place he is staying to get him to get his things out – he was supposed to have done it 2 days before and never showed up or contacted me. He had left everything where is was while he was living here and it was like living with the ghost of our relationship). When he showed up to finish moving out he was very angry and kept trying to pick a fight. I wouldn’t allow him to get under my skin and was able to calm him down and he left amicably. The only contact we have had in last 10 days is my informing him of 2 important letters he received at the apartment by FB message. The first letter I told him about the response I got was ‘K’ and he never showed up to get the letter. The second time the response was harsh and accusing me of opening his mail (I did not, the letter had an easily seen “Respond By” date that is fast approaching and this is a very important matter to him, so I informed him of it). He has yet (after 24 hours) to make any arrangements to come get his mail.

He broke up with me, I don’t understand why he is attacking me (when he moved out and about the mail). He seems angry and is lashing out, but I do not know why. As far as I can tell, I have not made any of the above mistakes. I have maintained no contact (other than the two times to inform him of the important letters), I have made sure to keep myself busy and have started new ventures and rekindled old (non-romantic) friendships. I have kept my social media presence at a minimum but have shown that I am moving on. I haven’t contacted his friends or family (other than briefly responding to his mom) and I do not talk about the relationship with any mutual friends.

His daily habits have changed greatly as well, he does not play his video games any where near as much and he seems to be out of the apartment he is staying in far more than normal. (The only reason I know this is because he is staying with a friend in the same apartment complex where I live and I have to drive by their apartment to get out). I do not want to think about what he could be doing, but I do want him back. I am trying to give him the space he seems to need.

Am I doing the right things? I am going out more, trying to become more self aware, working on my physical fitness, and (as much as I don’t want to) trying to move on. Should I not inform him of any more important letters and wait for him to come get them?
2866

January 12, 2016 at 10:17 am

Well, I’m not a female but I agreed with all of those.
I searched for a solution about ‘crazy ex’ in google and ended up in here.
I don’t know how but it’s worth reading. Thanks.

July

January 16, 2016 at 8:56 pm

Hey Chris I’m a teen me & my ex just broke up this month I miss him and I have been doing everything you said not to do is it to late for us to get back together?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2016 at 9:01 pm

Hi July,
It’s been only a month since your break up, have you done the no contact rule as well?
Aina

January 16, 2016 at 6:50 am

What did your exgf did that made you search for crazy ex? I am really curious. Thank you! I hope you can help me.

Ashley

January 11, 2016 at 6:03 pm

Hello Chris,

I’ve put myself in a quite confusing situation… Am i become just the FWB? Should i do another NC or just repeat the friendzone-flirt but stop sleeping with him?

We’ve broken up for 3 months, after NC we started to meet up again, i initiated the first time just a day time gallery he was really nice to me and then asked me to go for dinner after, during the dinner he kept mentioning the good times, said he’s learned from our relationship, he said let’s hang out as friends, but said he’s still attracted to me, he walked me home and hooked up.. he hanged around for quite a long while and kept looking back while he was leaving till the end of the street.

We met up again a week later for a movie and his gig after, he kept mentioning the good times again but i didn’t react much again, it was late he offered to drive me home and left. He texted me two days after said ‘hope you had fun on sunday x’, i texted him maybe a week later just said happy xmas and he replied. I texted him again after another few days and somehow became really graphic sexting. He texted me 3 times every two days after just casually talking, another two days later he texted me again said he’s around the area if he can come by to say hi. He got flirty when my flatmate left, and we jumped in the bed again.. he was quite affectionate this time and told me he would give me some little gift next time.. but we haven’t really talk much since… i guess bad sign even thought he still has feeling for me, i’m making it too easy for him?

Many thanks,
Ashley

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 10:41 pm

Hi Ashley,

Y each. you’re making it to easy to jump in the bed with you. It’s good that you’re hanging out, just avoid having sex everytime you meet

Jane

January 4, 2016 at 7:51 am

Hello,

I have been reading your blogs.
How I wish, I knew this since we broke up so I had protected myself fairly.
My boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me a month ago. He told me that he needed freedom and time for himself.
Of course, I accepted it but still tried my luck of talking to him and hoping that he would change his mind.
But I know a week before our break up he has a colleague who professed feelings for him. And he has been entertaining the girl and eventually told me he is starting to like her.
It took a month of constant communication. We still kiss and hug and he still say he loves me.
And then, just a week ago, I knew that they are now starting to go out together. It hit me hard. It broke my heart even more.
I decided to stop and bid goodbye. We haven’t been talking for a week now. And yes, it’s hard. I still miss him. I still want to talk to him but I am holding it all in. I still wish that he will go back to me. But I can feel that as the day passes by, we are getting farther apart.

I want to step out of this black hole of pain. But it’s killing me inside. 🙁
Do you have any thoughts for me? Thanks.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2016 at 1:28 am

Hi Jane,

I know how painful it is. your sharing your story. You had a long relationship. I’m not 100% sure, but if it’s really because of the new girl, it can mean your relationship just got boring but the good news is you can bring back the spark if variety was the only problem.
I think this post can help you.
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Gets A New Girlfriend

Judy

January 3, 2016 at 8:39 pm

Hi chris, please can you help me, I was seeing my boyfriend for 9 months, and on 19th December I found out he’d been cheating on me. He called me the next day apologising, saying he’s so confused right now, and does’nt know what he’s doing with his life. He also asked me to please not call him for now, as he’d like to let things settle, and he’ll call me when he’s ready. I have no desire to call him right now anyway. I have implemented the no contact rule as your blog states (for 45 days). I love him, and want him back. Am I doing the right thing by doing the no contact thing.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2016 at 6:12 am

Hi judy,

Yes you are. Here’s another post that can help you.
Dealing With An Ex Boyfriend Who Cheats

Tracy

January 2, 2016 at 9:50 pm

My ex and I decided ro give each other some time to think about the relationship because he said he wasn’t feeling the same way about me as he used to. We were best friends before and he said maybe we confused our feelings of friendship with love. But I know that he loved me, and I think the real reason is that I was too needy for the last couple of weeks. It has been 20 days, we work at the same place, we see each other every day. Although I have been quite positively greeting him every day (which is the only connection we have) he did the same for me at the beginning (on the last days of our relationship and until one week after we decided to take a break, he was really very upset) but now, for the last two weeks he usually ignores me. He didn’t say that it’s over for us but now he’s flirting with other girls via social media. And he knows that I can see it. can I just write him a letter not to declare my love for him but to tell him that I understand what I did wrong and caused our relationship and friendship to break?? Thanks a lot in advance Chris!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2016 at 10:41 am

Hi Tracy,

For me no. If he’s avoiding you then you would just appear like you’re chasing him and it could annoy him.

Lee

December 25, 2015 at 4:27 am

Hello, I have made a few of the mistakes that you named. My ex has 3 children with another woman and he have known her for eight yrs. He had left her for four years when he got with me. We was together for a yr and a half. Just the other day he asked her to marry him but he didn’t tell me and we was suppose to be together. They were not even a couple and he just up and asked her to marry him. He is still calling and texting me but he asked her to marry him. I asked him about it and he say he didn’t know he was going to ask her either it just come up at the last minute. What should I do? Will I have a chance to get him back?
Miranda

December 10, 2015 at 4:17 am

Hey, so I met my ex on July 22nd of 2015. We started officially dating maybe a month later. We told each other we loved each other. I was overjoyed and felt like he was the one. I’m 27 and he is 25. He was in a 4 year relationship where he was cheated on for the last two unknowingly. That was 3 years ago. I was his first relationship since and he has ended things saying that he can’t trust me. He has extreme trust issues and would worry himself sick when his actions were more distrusting than mine. For about 3 weeks, we were arguing and things were changing. I kept trying and he was distancing himself. Going places without me, ignoring me etc. He started to yell and get angry at me for bizarre reasons and constantly accuse and assume I was cheating when I wasn’t. I finally left one day after he yelled at me to never come to his house or talk to him again. The same day, 5 hours later he came to my house. Knocking on my window saying he was sorry and he loved me so much and he told me he was pacing back and forth for hours trying to come up with a reason he was doing this and he couldn’t. He said he is just afraid and through my it would be easier to not care and push me away than get hurt again. A week later he started again. He didn’t want to take me home for Thanksgiving. I’ve done almost every things you’ve said not to do. Yesterday I deleted his number but he has me blocked on everything except email. I truly believe he loved me. He doesn’t seem to bothered about losing me now. I showed up at his house yesterday and he was touching me, flirting and being very playful but later told me his mind was made up and he can’t be with me. Do you think he will come back if I don’t contact him? I love him and I am struggling. Thank you.
Elle

December 6, 2015 at 6:10 am

Where was this article when I was making a damned fool of myself?! Kmsl! Thanks so much for this. I learned the hard way and I’m stronger now. More than ever. I hope someone reads your steps and writes it to heart because it’s the truth for protection!!! Love it!! Xoxo

Chris Seiter

December 7, 2015 at 6:03 pm

Thanks Elle!

Leigha

November 16, 2015 at 1:23 pm

My ex and I broke up 3 months ago. We planned on getting married and having more kids next year (he already has two). I’ve wanted to have NC, but that part is difficult because we HAVE to work together throughout the week for our church. We’ve been a team way before we got together and we still are now that we’re no longer together. I’ve probably made every mistake on this list. And I’m so heartbroken behind it, that I find it very difficult to pick myself up. We got close again and then got into a BIG argument and we both hurt each other during the exchange. He still says that he really wants to be my friend and we never know what the future holds despite all my mess ups. I’m dreadfully sorry for everything. I just want my baby back and our life together!
Chele - Plz Help

November 7, 2015 at 4:10 am

I just came across your blog but I think it may be too late for me, I wish I saw this sooner. I made every mistake u spoke of. My ex broke up with me over a year ago due to arguments, it was a bad breakup & I got super emotional with him. After several months of NC we began talking again, I wanted to get back together but he was very resistant due to our past fights & even resistant about being friends at first although we did become friends again and talked a lot & even hung out a few times & I slept with him once a few months ago but didn’t do it again. He would send mixed signals sometimes entertaining the idea of getting back together & starting a family but other times he would say he doesn’t think we have a future, he was very back & forth. Recently he started talking about having a family together & I told him I really want that & that we should just do it and we made plans to get together & the day we were going to meet up he picked a big fight with me. During that argument he said he realizes he no longer wants a family with me & that it would never work out between us. After that day I never heard from him again, after a few days I sent him a friendly text & he ignored it. A couple days later I called a couple times & he ignored me and that’s when I went into panic mode and started texting him to contact me & said it was an emergency & left voicemails and he ignored me. It gets worse, after 2 weeks of him ignoring me I went to his house cause I was just so hurt & confused, I never thought he would just disappear on me like that because we did have a friendship. He was not happy that I showed up there & said he was too busy to talk and he left & said he would call me. The next day he called me & said I was crazy to show up to his house & that he has been ignoring me cause he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, not even as friends. He was so cold & detached from me and saying a lot of cold, hurtful things. I asked if he was seeing someone else and he said he is talking to a new girl. I got super emotional about everything because I just felt like this past year he has sent so many mixed signals & played with my heart and as soon as I thought we had a breakthrough he disappeared on me & is already talking to someone new & I tried so hard to get back with him & have always been good to him & it’s like i mean nothing to him. I started crying, things got ugly & he hung up on me and text me that he never wants to speak to me again & not to ever contact him again because he will never reply & that he wishes me the best & hopes I find a good man. I am so heartbroken & mad at myself for not controlling my emotions but the pain he caused me was so overwhelming because I tried so hard for over a year but nothing was ever good enough. I know I won’t hear from him again because the first time we broke up he never contacted me, i am the one who initiated contact after several months of NC, he is very firm & stubborn. I am beyond devastated, I can not stop crying. I lost him forever & all my hard work is down the drain. Do you think there is any chance of getting him back? And if so, please advise me…

Elle

December 6, 2015 at 6:15 am

Please don’t do it. Take it from me. Please accept him walking away and trust and know it was for your own good. A mans rejection is Gods protection. Trust me. You may not see it now, but lean not on your own understanding and move to something much better.

Amanda

October 28, 2015 at 5:06 pm

Hi,
My boyfriend and I dated for 8 months, But due to some circumstances I have to move back to different country. After coming back. I broke up with him coz he was not showing interest in me. He become very sad, our mutual friends told me (who are staying in the same country with him). I called him to patch things up after 1 week of breakup he is not ready to take me back. I begged cried. He is giving me stupid reasons that he is dying and he said I would breakup with him again thats why he cant take me back. I tried no contact but failed twice after 15 days gap. What should i do?
Ja

October 27, 2015 at 8:25 pm

Hi Chris,

I texted to beg and called about 100 times the night of the breakup. Then i called once 2 days later, but have since been on 17 days of NC. I want to reach out on the 23rd day of NC or should I wait for the whole 30 days? My fear is that he will have moved on or met someone else.

Thank you. I really appreciate your help.
Dee

October 24, 2015 at 12:01 am

Chris, please read & help me. My ex and I broke up over 2 years ago & had NC for several months & eventually began speaking again & even hung out a few times. He has told me that he is afraid to get back together with me due to fights we had when we were together & has even said he doesn’t think we have a future. We had been getting along since communicating again but nothing I do seems to be working as far as getting back together & I have tried all your techniques for almost a year now. He has said that I have changed a lot (for the better) but that he still has fears and basically said the only way he would commit to me is if I have a baby with him, because he wants to have kids and said he needs that push to get back together with me. He has been saying this for over a year but knows I wanted to be married or at least in committed relationship before taking that step even though I do want kids more than anything. I am about to be 34 & do not have children. To make matters worse, I was diagnosed with a condition that can cause difficulty getting pregnant, miscarriages & even infertility and the older you get, the riskier it is so I have become extremely panicked & depressed over this & feel I do not have time to waste in trying to meet someone new and start over because I am so afraid I won’t be able to get pregnant so when my ex brought up having a baby again a couple weeks ago I told him that I want to do it. He does not know I was diagnosed with this reproductive condition & I am not sure if I should tell him. Anyways, we made plans to meet up to try for a baby but the very day that we were suppose to meet up he coincidentally picked a huge fight with me and then flipped it on me and said that this is the reason why it could never work out between us and that we just don’t get along and that we have no future & he no longer wants to try for a baby. I think he purposely did that because he got cold feet, but it hurts that he flipped it on me and he said a lot of hurtful manipulative things and we left off on bad terms. I know if I never agreed to do this with him that we still would have been cool and he would have continued to press me for a family, but as soon as I gave in to his proposal, everything has fallen apart & has set me back with all the work I put in to get him back. I know that it was stupid to even go that route when we weren’t committed but again but I am desperate to have a baby at this point and can not express the pain I have been in over this & the fear of not being able to get pregnant & I do not have time to waste. I am so upset that he played these games with me, trying to convince me to have a family and then yanked it away from me as soon as I agreed & the fact that he manipulated it into making it seem it was my fault when he picked that fight. It reminded me of when he abandoned me the first time we broke up & I made the mistake of bringing up the past which just made things worse and he just took it to further use against me as a reason why it could never work, even saying this was his nightmare & that it will never work & that he knows that now. Everything is completely messed up & I don’t know what to do & I honestly can not afford your guide right now. Is there any way to save this? And also, should I tell him that I was diagnosed with this condition because I have been dealing with it alone, it has been really hard & is another reason why I am so upset that he played games like that? I’m feeling so hopeless & would truly appreciate any advice you have, plz : (
Elizabeth

October 23, 2015 at 4:56 pm

Hi Chris!

So, I was all needy at the tail end of our relationship and issued an ultimatum to my ex that I’m fairly certain was the cause of the break up. I did 30 days NC and have sent two first contact texts, two weeks apart. No response. Is it too late to apologize to him for my behavior?
Madison

October 19, 2015 at 10:44 pm

HI I was dating my now ex boyfriend for nearly 7 years- we were actually set to be married and then 3 months before the wedding, he told me he didn’t want to get married anymore- but he still wanted to be with me- we were living together at the time, but he decided to get his own place. Ever since then( over the last 3 months ) he has become more and more distant with me; hanging out with new “friends” he never had before, staying out all night and his phone was off. So I was forced to break up with him. It’s only been 5 days but I was in agony, crying, sending him love emails and texts…. breaking all the rules- today I went to see him ( he agreed) and we ended up in bed- but I felt it was so passionate and I felt so close to him, but we still exchanged keys back and I had to pack up the rest of this stuff so now I am a mess again- I ask him questions that he wont answer or cannot answer, he says I back him into a corner with my questions or I hound him…. I feel lost and empty without him- he was to my husband in 12 days now and now nothing…… I was doing well actually not contacting him so much, but he called me this AM and that set me off into a downward spiral- he is saying he doesn’t know what he wants, he is confused and feels ashamed for the way he has treated me… I will try the NC rule once he gets all his stuff back and we split our cell and storage unit; but I am fearful that I will fail and out of sight out of mind. Please help I love him, but so much damage has been done with us over the years I fear it would never be the same if we were to get back, which I think is a long shot….. Thank you… your article made sense and it made me laugh!!!
Bella

October 13, 2015 at 3:14 pm

Hi Chris,

What if I cheated on him and made almost all of the errors above, should the process still be the same?